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Years after his marriage with Luo Binghe, Shen Qingqiu thought that nothing would ever be able to shock him again.
He had not seen or heard from the system in years and he was content living his happy married life forever. Except, nothing ever seems to go his way because as soon as he peacefully lulled himself into a sense of calm repetition, he just had to hear the annoying ass Google Translate voice of the system popping back into existence for the first time in literal years.
[System update Complete! Thanking dear user “Peerless Cucumber” for your patience! The system is now able to resume with its brand new update ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ]
Rightfully so, once Shen Qingqiu heard this, he bashed his head against the side table he was sitting beside. So much for having a peaceful drink of tea with the newest trashy novel he’s found.
What do you mean ‘update’? He asked instead of getting mad, knowing how futile it would be and not wanting to waste that much energy until he knew just how mad he should get based on the update.
[As a congratulations gift to User “Peerless Cucumber” and user “Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky” for completing the main story, the System is glad to present you with a new feature—instant messaging!]
Now this intrigued him.
He was expecting some kind of bullshit update like, go out and solve every plot hole in thirty-six hours or get fucking murdered ☆(>ᴗ•), or something else of equal unbelievability, not something that could actually be entertaining.
With the novel now completely forgotten, Shen Qingqiu gave his full attention to the system, wanting to see how this would work.
[All the system’s esteemed user has to do is send a message the same way you would do on your phone! Out of consideration for the transmigrators, the system has personally made the feature simple and easy to use!]
Fan waving gently by his face, Shen Qingqiu tried this out, curious to see how it would work.
You: hey dumbass
In the few seconds it took for Shang Qinghua to respond, Shen QIngqiu looked at the system’s screen with rapt attention.
Airplane Bro: OMGGG BRO
Airplane Bro: YOU GOT THE UPDATE TOO
“So it does work,” Shen Qingqiu muttered to himself, a newfound sense of excitement building up within him.
This is certainly going to make communicating with the bastard easier.
--
The days following this were filled with more entertainment than he has experienced in a while. At any point in the day, Shen Qingqiu would hear a ding in his head and see the system flashing a new message from Shang Qinghua and would have to physically stop himself from laughing so he doesn’t accidentally alarm any of his disciples every time this happened.
Really, these past few days were more of a test of his self control than anything else.
And now, in the middle of helping one of his newer disciples place his fingers properly on the guqin, he heard the increasingly more familiar notification sound play once more.
Airplane Bro: Have you ever thought of where the word porn comes from??
A pause.
Airplane Bro: Like, it's such a weird word, right?
Already, Shen Qingqiu had to fake a cough to hide his snort. He can’t believe Shang Qinghua decided to start a conversation like that. No hi or hello bro or anything, just right to his question.
Airplane Bro: So like any normal person, I started searching for porn, thinking I would be able to find out where the fuck the word came from
Airplane Bro: But now the royal librarian and my king think I’m a sex addict o(TヘTo)
“Ming Fan, come help your shidi.” Shen Qingqiu cannot take this anymore. If Shang Qinghua sends one more text, he is going to lose it and he does not want that to happen in front of his disciples.
Airplane Bro: It’s not my fault I took out every book related to porn from the library! I thought they would help me figure out where the word came from
A few blissfully peaceful seconds passed as Ming Fan was able to come and take over where Shen Qingqiu left off before another three consecutive ding’s sounded.
Airplane Bro: SEND HELP BRO T-T
Airplane Bro: MY KING WANTS TO TRY OUT SOME OF THE SCENES FROM THE PORN
Airplane Bro: I mean, I’m not against trying them… I would love to do some of them… BUT HE WANTS TO DO IT BECAUSE HE THINKS I’M REALLY INTO THEM
Yeah. Shen Qingqiu is done.
“Ning Yingying,” he beckoned her over, “you and Ming Fan are going to take over this lesson, I need to go see you shishu.”
And before either of them could respond, he had already flown away on Xiu Ya.
“Bro, you are a fiend. An actual animal. What kind of dumbass thinks that searching for books on porn is going to help you find the history of porn and not just smut?!” Shen Qingqiu said almost immediately after landing on An Ding and sprinting to Shang Qinghua’s office.
Shang Qinghua whined in response.
“But… did you at least manage to find the etymology of it?” Shen Qingqiu asked after a few minutes of berating his friend.
“I knew you would be curious about it too!”
“Shut up.”
--
A few weeks later, on the morning of the monthly Peak Lord meeting, Shen Qingqiu woke up to a blaring red message from the system.
[ERRor. SYStEM ERROR. RECALIBRATING. RECALIBRATING. RE… REBOOTING… ERROR. E_EE_SYSEM_02_ERROR. UNABLE TO_CONNECT.]
Still tired from having just woken up, Shen Qingqiu just stared at the error message, deciding he was not going to deal with it and ignored it, choosing instead to go eat the breakfast his amazing husband made for him.
“Shizun!” Binghe cheered, excited just to see him walk out of their bedroom.
“Mnm, good morning Binghe.” Shen Qingqiu patted Binghe on the head and sat down, already missing the feeling of the protagonist’s soft and fluffy hair.
“How is it?” Binghe asked shyly even though Shen Qingqiu doesn’t think he could make something that tastes bad even if he tried. But still, to make him feel better, he still took a big spoonful of the congee and praised Binghe for it.
After yet another delicious meal from his husband, Shen Qingqiu went through his morning routine and got ready to go to the meeting, dreading how bored he was already expecting he was going to be.
At least, he thinks, he will have Shang Qinghua to bother instead of doodling on a piece of paper he should be taking notes on.
“Come Binghe, let us go.” Normally, spouses or partners of Peak Lords wouldn’t be allowed to attend these meetings but because Binghe is, well, Binghe, there was little anyone could do to stop him from trailing his Shizun around like a lost puppy. Except, he’s more like a puppy that will actually murder anyone who steps within a five foot radius of his Shizun and is the emperor of the demon realm, but that's irrelevant. And after Binghe started being allowed into the meeting, Mobei Jun saw no reason why he couldn’t also join the meeting to stay with Shang Qinghua and by that point, no one really had the energy to try to stop yet another high ranking demon from joining the monthly Peak Lords meeting.
“Coming Shizun!” Like the ever dutiful husband and disciple he is, he followed behind him, both flying to Qiong Ding Peak on Xiu Ya together, Binghe holding onto him much more tightly than he needed to.
Once sat beside his husband and waiting for the meeting to start, Shen Qingqiu found himself already growing bored and having nothing better to do with his time while he waited, he decided to check back with the system, hearing it activate once again as he was thinking of it.
[Thanking user “Peerless Cucumber” and user “Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky” for their patience. The system is up and running once again!]
Hmm. Shen Qingqiu guesses that whatever issue the system was having is resolved.
Shortly after, the rest of the Peak Lords joined, Shang Qinghua and Mobei Jun making a dramatic entrance through a portal.
Yue Qingyuan started the meeting almost immediately after and as soon as that happened, Shen Qingqiu zoned out. He’s sure Yue Qingyuan is going to give him the sparks notes version of it if he asks.
You: bro I’m so bored
Shang Qinghua, who had almost fallen asleep with his eyes open, woke himself up to respond.
Airplane Bro: sameee
For some reason, Yue Qingyuan paused mid sentence, furrowing his brows in confusion before continuing.
You: that was weird
Airplane Bro: ikr
The meeting continued as usual after that, but unlike usual, almost none of the Peak Lords were really paying much attention.
You: this is freaky
You: no one is paying attention
You: it’s usually just us that do this
Airplane Bro: it is weird
Airplane Bro: but nothing will ever be weirder than us coming into the world of my book lmfao
You: UGH don’t make me think of that trash fire of a novel
Airplane Bro: c’mon bro. We both know you love it
Airplane Bro: no one who paid for every single chapter and bought all the merch can claim they’re not a fan
Shen Qingqiu glared at Shang Qinghua from across the table.
You: I didn’t buy all of the merch
You: only the Luo Binghe ones
Beside Shen Qingiu, Luo Binghe coughed.
Airplane Bro: SIMP
You: You CANNOT be talking when Mobei Jun is your little meow meow
You: Your pookie wookie
You: Your schmuckums
Airplane Bro: you’re just mad I have the better husband
Mobei Jun patted Shang Qinghua on the head.
You: NUH UH
Airplane Bro: MY KING IS BEST BOY
You: PSH
You: Anyone can be best boy
You: It takes a REAL MAN to be as babygirl as Binghe is
For some reason, Luo Binghe began looking at Shen Qingqiu with a much more adoring than usual gaze.
Airplane Bro: Yeah. Well.
Airplane Bro: AS GOD I HEREBY DECREE MOBEI JUN TO BE BEST HUSBAND MATERIAL
Airplane Bro: HE IS LITERALLY THE PERFECT BEING BECAUSE I MADE HIM EXACTLY MY TYPE
Shen Qingqiu had to resist the urge to groan.
You: I would rather have my limbs ripped off by Bingge again then have to hear you talk about how you are God
You: You’re the worst God I’ve ever seen
All around him, the rest of the Peak Lords looked at Shen Qingqiu with varying degrees of concern and Shang Qinghua with varying degrees of horror.
Weird.
Airplane Bro: Don’t lie
Airplane Bro: We both know you’re my number one fan (*¯ ³¯*)♡
“Unless anyone else has any more concerns, I will end today’s meeting here.” Yue Qingyuan said, effectively snapping Shen Qingqiu out of his argument with Shang QInghua.
When no one had anything else to say, Shen Qingqiu got ready to go back to his peak, getting stopped by the sect leader right before he left. “Ah, Shen-shidi, Shang-shidi, would you mind staying back for a moment?” And since it’s not like either of them have anything better to do with their time, both of them agreed and sat back down, their husbands following immediately afterwards.
Yue Qingyuan cleared his throat before looking at Shang Qinghua. “I believe Shen-shidi often calls shidi ‘Airplane’ or something similar, right?” At his nod, he continued. “Then, do you happen to know what an ‘Airplane Bro’ is?” At this, the two of them froze. “When the meeting started, an odd blue box appeared in front of me and strange messages kept appearing from a ‘Cucumber Bro’ and an ‘Airplane Bro’, and I am curious if you both know what they mean.”
“Yue-shibo also saw that box? I thought it was just myself.” Luo Binghe said, humming thoughtfully as he tried to recall if he’s ever heard of something like that before. “Mobei Jun, do you see it too?”
A nod of approval from them is all it took for both Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua to break out in cold sweats, only to have them worsen when the system decided that this was the best possible time for it to make itself known.
[Greetings! This one is the system, your all in one guide to a smooth transmigration experience! As a reward for user ‘Peerless Cucumber’ and user ‘Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky’ for completing the plot, this generous one has gifted them with the ability to community instantly across long distances]
The system paused for a second, for what Shen Qingqiu can only assume is to give it a dramatic effect.
[Unfortunately, this one had an error with an update and ended up allowing those within a certain radius to be able to read the messages as well (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄). This system regretfully accepts its mistakes and wishes the esteemed users the best of luck!]
And then the system vanished. It disappeared in the blink of an eye and even with the yelling and cursing Shen Qingqiu was doing to call it back, it didn’t show itself, choosing to remain hidden and away from their wrath no matter who of the five of them there called for it.
“Shizun,” Binghe asked him with his large puppy dog eyes, “does that mean ‘Cucumber Bro’ is…”
“Yes, Binghe, I am Cucumber Bro. It is short for Peerless Cucumber.” Shen Qinngqiu answered, knowing what he was trying to ask.
“Ah,” Binghe replied. “Then is everything Shizun mentioned in these messages true?” He asked hopefully, eyes almost sparkling.
Knowing that there is no point in hiding it anymore, Shen Qingqiu nodded while blushing.
“May this lowly disciple then ask what a ‘baby girl’ is, and what it means to be ‘best boy’?”
Shen Qinghua choked on air and Shang Qinghua patted him remorsefully on the back.
“Qinghua,” Mobei Jun said, his first word uttered this entire meeting, giving Shen Qingqiu a grace period to think of an answer. “Are you this world’s creator?”
This time, it was Shang Qinghua’s turn to get nervous (though he’s always in a state of anxiety) and rock back and forth on his heels.
“I mean. Yes? Technically?”
“Qinghua is a God.” Mobei Jun stated, more as a fact than a question.
“If you’re generalizing it like that, then I guess I am.”
“Qinghua is a God who chose to be my servant.”
“Well, you were always my favourite…” he trailed off, not wanting to mention how the system originally forced him to cling to his thighs. Mobei Jun is, after all, his ideal man.
Then, before any more questions could be asked, both transmigrators looked at each other and nodded.
“Come husband, we need to talk.” Shen Qingqiu said at the same time as Shang Qinghua said, “my king, I think we need to have a discussion.”
This time, it was both of the husbands who easily agreed in sync and, not wanting to put it off any later than necessary, all four of them walked through a portal quickly created by Mobei Jun that led them directly to his palace in a private room.
(Meanwhile, Yue Qingyuan was left alone, confused and having no answers to an ever growing pile of questions. Xiao Jiu… he thinks, lips pulled down in a frown, I miss you. Before having his personal sob session interrupted by a frowning Liu Qingge. “Yue-shixiong,” he said, and Yue Qingyuan already knew what he was going to ask, sighing as he resigned himself to the onslaught of questions he knew he was going to receive.)
(That night, after a very thorough conversation and many, many new revelations, most of which got Luo Binghe’s heart pumping wildly now that he knows just how devoted his shizun is to him, and an even more thorough love making session, Luo Binghe pressed a gentle kiss onto a sleeping Shen Qingqiu’s cheek, using Xin Mo to open up a portal for himself. He’s not sure who ‘Bingge’ is and he didn’t want to bring back any bad memories for Shen Qingqiu by asking, but he will find whoever it is and return what they did to his shizun a thousand fold. He will make sure of it.)