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They were tangled in the heat of passion, coming and going while finding their right pace to the point where the found the right rhythm.
He was on top of her feeling her inner parts like the walls of the Pandora box; something that unleashed so many things in him. Accumulated desire, fears, love… even a beast he didn’t know.
Katniss was just feeling everything she so long was trying to evade. Her love for Peta. She never knew how to show it aside from hunting the best birds for him to cook, or singing when he asked. Now she can show all the love she felt for him.
There was a point in which Katniss was feeling too much. She wasn’t used to this at all.
-Peta wait, it is too much- she said between moans.
He didn’t listen for a few seconds, he had another look in his eyes. She even thought that was the Peta that tried to kill her, but he was far gone, she thought.
In his mind, the voices of past got to him. “Hurt her, finish her. She is the reason of all of this”. He did hear Katniss, but a very tiny part of him enjoyed causing her bother. Maybe even pain?
-Peta please, stop- she started to get scared. It was a while ago since she had seen that face. Between pleasure and fear, she tried to pull him off her but she couldn’t, so her fighting spirit came to her and she slapped him.
His face was one of shock. He came back to his senses and got off Katniss quickly. He remembered the techniques that his doctor told him and started whispering.
-I am Peta Mellark, I am 18 years old, I come from district 12, I like baking and painting, I got reaped for the Hunger Hames when I was 15, I got captured by the Capitol, I hurted Katniss, I love Katniss- in that momento he snapped out of his trance only to see a Katniss ready to attack (or maybe console him?) in the opposite side of the room to him with the covers grabbed by her hands covering her nuditity. Doubt was in her eyes.
He felt a pulse in his member, and he started to remember.
-Katniss…. I am no good to you- he started picking up his clothes with decision and with regret of what had happened.
She analyzed his silent, like she analyzed a threat, and with a mix of love and fear, she said taking a stint step towards him, still grabbing the sheets with strength.
-Peta, wait- she didn’t want to be alone, and that desperation was bigger than the fear she had felt when he didn’t stop.
-No Katniss, I am not risking you again, it wasn’t supposed to…- be like that, he was supposed to show her how really good it felt to love someone, how much he worshipped her and their connection, but now, he was afraid, that when life gave him what he wanted, for once, it was a too much and he attempted to destroy it.
-Peta, maybe we can find a way, just don’t go- a very quiet plea of an almost crying Katniss is what he heard. She was getting closer with precaution until she tried to put a hand on his shoulder.
-Don’t do that- he grabbed her hand quickly on the air. He was controlling his force, but his fear of hurting her was showing him more aggressive than what he intended.
-I am sorry- he let her hand go looking at her scared face, though she tried to hide it. -That… that person wasn’t me Katniss. It was the monster created by the capitol, and I am afraid that he wants you, but in a different way than I do- his look was one of desperation trying lo look for a solution.
-We fought worse things Peta, I know we can find way to go very slow, as slow as you need. Maybe even have some backup plan in case… you know- in case he went wild she meant.
-Katniss you don’t understand- she didn’t understand masculine urges, even less his, how much she drove him mad, and how he had love to go through her body, but apparently he wasn’t able to control those emotions. In that moment he wanted to posses her, vanish her so she could be hers forever. It was a mix of his love and his hate. A hate he didn’t control.
-Katniss when I think of what we were doing… it is the most beautiful thing I’ve felt- a tear fell down his check. She got closer to him quickly not letting him go away.
-So don’t go. Don’t give up on me. - she whispered while grabbing him with all her efforts.
Peta couldn’t give up on her. He will try all the medications if he needed to, but how could he give up the only thing that was worth something in his life?
-I’ll never give up on you, but whenever you want to leave Katniss, just say the word.-
-I’ll never, I’ll never, I’ll never- she whispered desperately, like a silent promise she was doing to their past.
They got dressed and slept together, it was the only way they got a night of sleep, but it was not the same, so they pulled a little apart from the other on the bed. Katniss was thinking on how afraid she had been when he didn’t stop, and that he wanted to kill her for a second, but loneliness was far worse; maybe dying wasn’t so bad if it was done by Peta, be killed by the one you love the most, to go finally with Prim. She care for very little things, and when she realized dying wasn’t one of them anymore, she felt with a burden off her shoulders.
Peta was thinking if how to have Katniss without hurting, farther then a carnal thing, how to love her and show her tenderness while keeping his desires caged. He had to make it, for Katniss, she was worth it