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It happened by accident really. Of course they both wanted to, but so far they’d only talked about it. Charlie liked it better this way anyway, he felt like if they’d had a conversation immediately beforehand and made it awkward and built it up that it would detract from the moment.
It’s not like they hadn’t talked about it at all before this moment, there was a moment following a particularly intense makeout session at the park…
Nick had pulled away with wide eyes, breathing hard.
“I-I think I’m ready.”
Charlie looked at him, red-faced and panting, “What?”
Nick sat up and adjusted his shirt, clearing his throat and looking at Charlie more sincerely.
“I-I want to…” His eyes dropped down Charlie’s body and back up. Charlie suddenly felt like he was on fire. Obviously he’d thought about it, especially since Paris. But Nick had told him he wasn’t ready for that yet, and Charlie was ready to respect that forever if that was what Nick wanted. Nick was still looking at him, trying to find words and failing.
Nick’s embarrassment made Charlie feel brave, so with a smirk, he sat up on his elbows, looked Nick square in the face and said, “You want to have sex?”
Nick spluttered, turning redder than those awful shorts of his. Charlie burst into triumphant laughter and rolled onto his stomach, burying his giggles into their blue blanket. He really loved his idiot boyfriend.
Once Nick recovered, he flopped down beside Charlie and turned on his side to face him. Charlie turned around too, wiping tears of laughter from under his eyes. Nick smiled and trailed his fingers up and down Charlie’s arm. Charlie shuddered a bit, but he let him, he was okay with Nick’s touch on his arms now. It didn’t make him go into the same dark place it used to. Yes, he had scars, but Nick thought he was strong and brave, and Nick told him it wasn’t his fault. Charlie wanted to believe him so badly, so he let Nick touch his arms and tried not to think too much about it.
“Yes,” Nick huffed, “I know I said I wasn’t ready in Paris, but that was a long time ago. And I am ready now, if you’d want that- I mean I probably shouldn’t have assumed that just because I’m– ”
“Yes!” Charlie surged at Nick, knocking him onto his back, effectively cutting off what was surely going to be another rambling sentence.
Nick let out a soft mmph as Charlie’s weight landed on his chest, and then he smiled up at him.
“Yes, I want to. I’m ready too.” Charlie blushed as he said it now. He felt a lot more shy with his body on top of Nick who was looking up at him with wide, dark eyes and parted lips.
Nick craned his neck and kissed Charlie softly, whispering an okay against his lips.
After that, they’d gone to Nick’s house and talked more in detail, where Charlie learned that Nick had been doing research .
(“You mean watching porn?! HAHAH”)
(“NO!! CHAR!! NO!!”)
They talked about what they’d want and and didn’t want quite yet, they even talked about when they could possibly do it. But in the end, as most lovely things do, it didn’t go according to plan.
It was early July, the summer holidays were starting and everyone was beginning to feel antsy. Nick and Charlie were on Nick’s bedroom floor, papers and pens and books scattered between them. It was hot, and Nick had taken off his jumper so he was just clad in a white T-shirt. Charlie could see the sweat on his neck, and how the shirt clung to his back ever so slightly. It was… doing things to him. Who would have guessed that watching a sweaty rugby boy do his maths homework would be Charlie’s undoing, but he had resigned himself to those things long ago.
Nick was focused, his brows furrowed and his lips between his teeth as he worked out a math problem in his notebook.
Charlie was… decidedly not focused. He was tapping his pen on his book, an essay halfway written out, and he was staring. Nick hadn’t noticed yet, so Charlie took his time to trace Nick’s body with his eyes. He took in his dark blonde hair that had started to grow out so that it was lying messily on his forehead. He watched a drop of sweat trickle from the nape of Nick’s neck and soak into the collar of his white shirt. He followed the strong muscles of his back that were flexed with the way Nick was laying and practically stretching the t-shirt at its seams. God, he wanted to touch. He wanted to tear Nick’s shirt off and run his hands over every muscle, to feel how strong he’d gotten the past few months because he’d already started training for uni rugby. He wanted to trace down, down to that delicious arse, and lower still to those toned legs. He wanted to trace Nick’s strong, bulging arms and muscled chest. He wanted to… he wanted to kiss his way down Nick’s torso and venture below the low-slung waistband of his sweatpants and–
At that thought, Charlie let out an involuntary gasp, realizing that he was getting a bit too excited fantasizing about his boyfriend on a Tuesday afternoon. He also realized that Nick was literally right there, not even an arm’s length away from him, so he had definitely heard him. Nick looked up curiously.
“You alright there?”
“Erm… I- yeah. Mhm.” Charlie looked down at his essay and scribbled on the paper, pretending to write something down.
Nick gave him a disbelieving look and flipped over on his side, so his body was facing Charlie.
“What’s up?” He said in that voice. That low, knowing voice that made heat lick up Charlie’s spine.
Charlie squirmed, involuntarily grinding his hips into the ground, eternally grateful that he was lying on his front, and looked away.
Nick must have noticed the movement of Charlie’s hips, because Charlie heard him take a breath and then,
“Are– are you– ?”
Charlie looked up and watched as Nick took in his probably flushed cheeks and blown pupils. Instead of finishing his sentence, Nick smirked and huffed out a laugh.
“Enjoying the view, are you?”
Charlie’s jaw dropped open. Damn Nick and his occasional perceptiveness. Charlie looked away again, but this time Nick wasn’t having it. He reached over and held Charlie’s chin so that he had no choice but to aim his gaze toward Nick.
“What are you thinking about?” Nick said in a low tone.
Charlie almost moaned. And wouldn’t that have been embarrassing. He was already embarrassed about how quickly he was getting worked up. He settled for a simple answer.
“You.” He smirked, feigning confidence.
“What about me, hm?” Nick scooted closer, letting go of Charlie's chin and tracing down his back. Charlie was wearing two layers of clothing, so he could only feel the ghost of Nick's exploring fingers. He was too warm in his long-sleeve shirt and cardigan, but he was having a bit of a bad body day, so that was the outfit and he just had to deal with the consequences. These kinds of days came much less frequently, and it was much easier for him to move on with his day when it happened, so it’s not like he hasn’t made progress thank you very much. He felt proud of himself for feeling okay that Nick was even touching him like this. Nick was searching his face, fingers tickling up and down his spine, so Charlie finally tried to come up with an answer.
“I just– you look– “ he could not think with Nick's hand on him, and Nick looking at him, and Nick's scent in the air because of how close they were and how he was a little sweaty. Charlie decided to hell with words and threw himself at Nick, toppling them over and catching his mouth in a hungry kiss.
Nick made a sound between a whimper and a moan and Charlie couldn’t take it. He lifted himself up, sitting on Nick’s muscular thighs, and searched Nick’s face for a few seconds before speaking.
“Take off your shirt.” Charlie surprised even himself with his words and the demanding tone of his voice.
Nick was stunned for all of five seconds, staring up at Charlie, panting breaths puffing from his kiss-slick parted lips, brown eyes flicking all over Charlie’s face. Then he angled himself upwards, and used his strong abs to hold his top half up while he clumsily yanked off his shirt.
Charlie immediately latched back on to Nick, licking into his mouth hungrily and finally finally tracing Nick’s abs and chest with light, exploring fingers. They both gasped at the contact, this was new territory for them. But they were Nick and Charlie, so they fell into it as easily as breathing.
Nick’s hands were roaming too, he seemed to be short-circuiting a bit and had no idea where to put them. He brushed over Charlie’s shoulders, tentatively pushing at his cardigan. Charlie pulled back with a harsh breath and looked at Nick with a wild look in his eyes.
“Is this– can I take it off?” Nick asked quietly, through his own harsh breathing.
Charlie’s mind was reeling. He wanted this, he really did. They’d talked about how he felt about having his shirt off and Nick had already assured him that it was fine if he never wanted to take it off, but Charlie knew that he could do it, and that in his heart he really was comfortable with Nick seeing his body. He wanted to be brave, and he wanted this moment to be perfect for both of them. And he knew that everything would be okay because he felt so safe with Nick. So, taking a deep breath, he nodded.
“Yes.”
Nick pushed the cardigan off his shoulders, and Charlie helped him get it all the way off. Then, Nick cautiously brushed his fingers under the hem of Charlie’s shirt, questioning with his eyes.
“It’s okay, you can take it off too.” Charlie said quietly.
“Are you sure? It’s okay if you don’t want to. I swear.” Nick looked so sincere, Charlie could cry. Instead, he leaned forward and knocked them both back down to the ground in a bruising kiss.
“I love you.” Charlie breathed against Nick’s lips, “Yes, I’m okay, you can take it off.”
“I love you…so much.” Nick whispered, torn between kissing Charlie and declaring his love to him so his lips brushed Charlie’s as he spoke so that Charlie almost felt the words more than heard them.
Charlie smiled into their kiss as Nick gently pulled his shirt up to his chest, then they had to do a bit of awkward maneuvering to get it all the way off, but it got done. They were back on each other in seconds, hands moving over every inch of skin that they could find and getting completely lost in each other’s kisses.
They both groaned as Charlie shifted and their bare chests fully touched for the first time. Charlie felt electric, and he almost couldn’t keep on kissing Nick for how much he was panting. Nick’s hands roved over Charlie’s sides and lower still to his waistband before Charlie had a sudden moment of clarity.
They were on the floor of Nick’s bedroom about to have their first time. Charlie was much too romantic for his first time with his first real boyfriend to happen on the ground when they had a perfectly functioning bed right next to them.
“Hey.” Charlie whispered, but he kept kissing down Nick’s jawline even as he said it, and Nick was too far gone, panting to the ceiling and dancing his fingers over Charlie’s bare hips and back to even respond.
Nick reached for Charlie’s belt again, this time pulling back to search Charlie’s eyes before he went any further and finding Charlie looking a bit worried.
“Oh hi sorry, is this– is this okay?” Nick looked sheepish, hands trailing back off Charlie’s belt and to a respectful place on his lower back.
Charlie huffed out an incredulous laugh. “Yes this is alright. This is more than alright. I just– I thought maybe we could move this to the bed?” He asked coyly.
Nick’s eyes widened like this was the most novel idea he’d ever heard, and he immediately began shuffling his and Charlie’s bodies to a sitting position before he even responded.
“Yes, absolutely, we can definitely do that.” He said, gracefully scooping Charlie into his arms as he stood, effectively stunning Charlie into silence because wow, Nick could just pick him up like that, okay. And Charlie knew that Nick didn’t even think about it, because he was quite single-minded when he got like this and he was most definitely only focusing on one very important goal at the moment. Charlie let himself be lifted, then deposited onto Nick’s half-made bed, and it didn’t even bother Charlie that the bed wasn’t made because they were about to have sex .
As soon as they were both on the bed, Nick swooped back in, a thigh between Charlie’s legs and hands immediately at his belt again because he will not be deterred.
“Can I–” He starts.
“Yes, yeah, please.” Charlie can barely get the words out because he’s beginning to feel desperate. Nick had just placed his thigh in a very dangerous place and Charlie was feeling a lot of new feelings, he was also sure that Nick had no idea what he was doing to him.
Before he could really overthink it, or think of it at all, his jeans were off and on the floor and Nick was on him again.
He felt it really wasn’t fair that he was trouserless and his Adonis of a boyfriend was still covered from the waist down so he used all his strength to knock Nick onto his back and kneel up so that he could get his fingers under Nick’s waistband.
He only had to glance into Nick’s eyes to see enthusiastic consent written all over his face, so he hurriedly rid Nick of his sweatpants. His breath immediately whooshed out of him at the sight of his boyfriend lying mostly naked on his unmade bed, looking at him like he was made of stardust and lovely summer days and everything wonderful there is about the world.
Charlie just sat on his knees and took everything in for a minute because they’d been rushing and really, that was fine, but Charlie preferred to be in the moment.
“Stop staring at me Char.” Nick whined, but he’s smiling and tracing Charlie’s exposed thighs with the tips of his fingers, causing goosebumps to crawl up Charlie’s arms and his heart to pick back up.
“I can’t help it.” Charlie laughed, not even denying it because he was very plainly staring .
Nick just breathed and let him because he loves him after all, and that’s what one does when they’re in love, Nick thinks. While Charlie continued to stare, and trace paths from Nick’s calves to his thighs to his abs to his chest, Nick decided to let his eyes roam over his boyfriend as well.
Charlie truly is the loveliest thing Nick has ever seen, and he found himself hoping with all his heart that Charlie knew that Nick felt that way about him because Charlie deserved to know that.
“Come here.” Nick said softly, pulling at Charlie’s hands to guide him on top of Nick again. They both gasped softly when their bodies pressed together and it’s so intimate that for a horrifying moment Nick thought he might cry. To distract his eyes from betraying him, he lunged for Charlie’s lips, catching him in a soft kiss with much less urgency than was there before.
The kiss heated up quickly, and the urgency was back, and Charlie was getting impatient again. Nick knew that Charlie was impatient by the way his body moved against him and he left one last kiss on Charlie’s neck before slipping his thumbs into the waistband of Charlie’s underpants.
Instead of words, or checking each other’s faces, Charlie just reached down and helped Nick pull them off, then he moved off of Nick and unceremoniously helped Nick remove his own pants.
They lay there for a moment, red-faced and panting, eyes roving over each other's fully exposed bodies and reveling in the fact that this is real, and it’s allowed.
Nick felt overwhelmed once again, and he placed a gentle finger on Charlie’s arm, tracing over the muscle there, “You’re so beautiful, Char.”
Charlie’s eyes suddenly filled with tears. He turned his head to the side and buried his face in the pillow.
“Ugh this is so embarrassing, I don’t even know why I’m crying.”
Nick stayed quiet, keeping up his slow dance of fingers along Charlie’s skin and taking slow, deep breaths. Charlie finally peeked out at Nick. The loving look in his eyes made Charlie tear up again.
He looks like he adores him. The look in his eyes looks like forever. Charlie gasped softly as he realized this. He knew it all along but having the thought be so clear during such an intimate moment made it feel so very real.
Charlie wants Nick forever. He wants this forever. Charlie is going to marry this lovely boy lying next to him.
With that thought, Charlie surged upwards and caught Nick’s lips in a heated kiss. It’s all slick lips and eager tongues and pure desire.
“So you don’t wanna talk about it?” Nick asked softly, pulling away. He was panting, but there was a bit of worry in his eyes as he brushed a finger on Charlie’s cheek to wipe away a stray tear.
Charlie smiled softly and shook his head.
“It's nothing to talk about really. I just love you. I love you so much.”
Nick broke out into a silly grin, and dropped a quick kiss on Charlie’s forehead, then his cheeks, then the tip of his nose. Charlie giggled but didn't try to pull away. Nick kept their faces millimeters apart and they breathed each other’s air for a few seconds before Nick whispered,
“I love you too.”