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The sight before him startled Ga On, bringing his echoing steps to an abrupt halt. He let out a huff of disbelief. There, parked in the dimly-lit garage right next to Kang Yo Han’s collection of expensive makes and models, was a brand new motorcycle with a sleek black helmet hanging off the handle bar. Rubbing at his weary eyes, Ga On couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto his lips.
“He’ll never change, huh“, he grumbled, both exasperatingly fond an annoyed, giving the motorcycle a furtive glance as he resumed his way to his car.
He couldn’t help but assess the bike; suspension, engine, frame — a powerful model, promising a smooth ride even at reckless speeds. Almost involuntarily, his steps took the slight detour, a hand reaching out to trace the dark leather seat, the cool metal sending a pleasant buzz under his skin. The longing was familiar, easy to identify and Ga On closed his eyes, letting the tips of his fingers linger.
You still haven’t come to your senses. Professor Min’s words pulled him out of his reverie, left behind a bitter taste in his mouth. Ga On tried to swallow it down, but once that carefully locked box had been pried open it was hard to shove the unwanted thoughts of the old man away again.
Red chassis, a golf club, the sound of the rear view mirror breaking, breaking-
“Do you want to go for a drive?” Ga On whipped around, hand instinctively withdrawing from the motorcycle, but instead of Professor Min, he found Yo Han leaning against the concrete arch at the far end, arms crossed over one of the comfortable robes he usually wore at home. His expression was harder to read from this distance, especially with how his fringe covered those attentive eyes, but between the nonchalant pose and the quiet amusement in Yo Han’s voice, Ga On could sense that his every move was being closely observed.
He shook his head, stepping back from the bike in a way he hoped would come across as casual. “I’ve left those days behind, you know?” Ga On smiled a small, rueful smile, attempting to brighten it up as he noticed Yo Han tilting his head in a way that made him weary of how much the other man might have picked up on when it came to that intense yearning he somehow continuously failed to curb.
“A car is much safer to get around”, Ga On said in a cheerful voice, “and you wouldn’t want me injured now, would you?” If his tone dropped into something slightly teasing, it really wasn’t his fault.
Yo Han mumbled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously close to brat.
Ga On shook his head with a quiet, but fond laugh before schooling his face into a sober expression. “I’m serious, don’t keep it around for my benefit. It would be a shame if it were to stand around collecting dust. I’m sure it could bring someone else a lot of joy.” He kept his tone light, concluding with a quick smile, and staunchly ignoring the almost magnetic pull the motorcycle seemed to have on him.
For a moment it looked like Yo Han would challenge him on his words, but in the end he just settled for an assessing stare and a silence that dragged on a beat too long.
Fine, Ga On held back a sigh. “I’ll be home in time to make dinner, there should be leftovers you can heat up if you or Elijah get hungry beforehand and you should find-“ Yo Han dismissed him with a wave of his hand before gesturing towards Ga On’s car.
“You’ll be late if you recite the contents of the entire fridge.” His cadence imitated Ga On’s earlier light cheer as he added, “drive safely.”
Ga On did not deem his words worthy of response and suppressed the urge to roll his eyes, fondly, of course. He could feel the intense gaze tracking his movements as he finally got into his car. Glancing back one last time through the rear view mirror as he left the garage behind, his eyes were drawn to the sleek motorcycle once more — and to the figure sidling up next to it.
+++
Kim Ga On had never explicitly told him about his history with motorcycles, but Yo Han had to have been blind to miss that there was something more to it than a passing appreciation. He could easily recall the handful of times where Ga On’s gaze had lingered, just a split second too long, on bikers smoothly bypassing them on busy streets — or his assessing glance sweeping over the few motorcycles that had occasionally parked at the Live Court, eyes suddenly alert and intense, as if seizing up a worthy opponent. That boy had never been good at keeping his emotions from his face. Still, Yo Han had patiently waited for the right moment to bring it up, curious to see what would spark the conversation.
He just hadn’t expected it to be Elijah.
“I’m buying a motorcycle”, his niece’s voice interrupted the quiet sound of rain splattering against the study’s window. Yo Han put the book down, raising an eyebrow at her. She scowled back, pausing for a moment as if saying the next words out loud would cause her great pain, “help me choose.”
Yo Han tilted his head in exaggerated contemplation, letting the words linger for a moment too long because Elijah’s guards went up again as she lifted her chin, doing her best to imitate his haughty air — she had become really good at it, Yo Han had to admit.
Before she could snap at him and take the words back, he replied in a conciliatory tone, “fine.” In one swift move, he leaned forward to reach for the laptop resting on the coffee table. Pulling it closer Yo Han couldn’t help but test his niece’s resolve. Letting his gaze snag on her wheel chair, he hummed, “it will need to be a custom build, I’m sure-“
Elijah let out an indignant scoff, cutting him off. “Why are you pretending to be dense? It’s for Ga On.”
Yo Han’s fingers halted dramatically from where they had flitted across the keyboard and raised his eyebrows. He kept his tone light as he replied, “for Ga On?”
Elijah glared at him, but as it became obvious that her uncle wouldn’t continue she scoffed once more before crossing her arms. Her expression softened, unwittingly, as she began to speak — and for once, Yo Han didn’t want to tease her about it, too transfixed on the undercurrent of warm affection as Elijah recounted how they had watched a movie a few days ago, one with a bike race.
“He said he used to go on rides, that he used to enjoy the speed”, Elijah added quietly at the end. Yo Han waited, crossing his arms to mirror her; a saintly picture of patience.
Elijah let out a disgruntled noise. Locking eyes with him, she stuck out her chin, almost as if to challenge her assessment of Ga On as she said, “he did the thing where he tries to distract you with a blinding smile, but I didn’t believe him when he said he had left it behind.”
That, finally, got Yo Han’s full attention. He unfurled his arms to lean forward, pushing the laptop over into the couch cushions, gesturing for his niece to continue.
+++
Unsurprisingly, the motorcycle was still there in the evening when Ga On returned from work. Shaking his head, Ga On slipped out off his shoes as he entered the main building, making his way over to the kitchen. He decided that he would address the matter after dinner, once Elijah had retired. There was no need for her to overhear their conversation, especially as it had the potential to become heated. Yo Han could be insufferably stubborn and contrary when he sensed there was more to something than Ga On was letting on.
The man in question, however, seemed to find a particular joy in derailing his plans. As he took the last dish out of Ga On’s hands, Yo Han held his gaze for a moment, dark eyes glinting with a hint of foreboding mischief.
“So, how do you like Elijah’s gift?”
Ga On’s movements stuttered. Wait, Elijah’s-
His eyes flitted over to the girl, who was observing him with a closed off expression, but Ga On could see she was paying close attention to his reaction. In his periphery, he noticed Yo Han’s self-satisfied lip quirk as the older man sat down on his usual spot across from him. Clearing his throat, he finally joined them, trying to hide his fumble behind a warm expression and a soft smile as he served Elijah first.
“It is a beautiful model”, he eventually said, undeniably earnest, and Elijah preened. “Expensive, too”, he added with an admonishing glance in Yo Han’s direction, who just seemed amused by it. Picking up her chopsticks with an obvious sense of satisfaction at having pleased him, Elijah gave a dismissive huff at the objection, “it will be embarrassing if you are seen on something cheap and ugly.”
Ga On swallowed, deciding to circle back to the topic later, in private. He couldn’t bear to see Elijah’s obvious joy squashed by a gentle rejection, especially not in front of her uncle. Instead he settled on a smile, letting all the love he felt for her seep into it.
“You are very thoughtful, Elijah. Thank you.”
Elijah quickly turned her attention to the dishes in front of her in an attempt to hide the small blush colouring her cheeks, muttering something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like who’s thoughtful? clearly signalling to drop the subject. Ga On was eager to oblige, still slightly rattled by the revelation that she had be the one behind the appearance of the bike.
The rest of the dinner passed by uneventfully. They fell into easy conversation — pertaining to Elijah’s studies, his challenges at work — and Ga On could feel Yo Han’s keen eyes on him throughout, but the topic of motorcycles was not breached again until later, when the two of them were loading the dishwasher. Elijah had excused herself quickly once the meal had come to an end, claiming an assignment needed her attention. This time, Ga On had let her go without protest, feeling the weight of the upcoming conversation settling over him.
“She selected it with much care, you know?” Yo Han’s tone was light, deliberately casual. Ga On sighed before sending him a glare, laced with gentle reprimand. “I bet you helped her.”
“I did.”
Ga On could detect no remorse from Yo Han for putting him into this evidently loaded situation, but before he could respond, the other man continued, “she asked me to.”
That stopped Ga On in his tracks, hands filled with dirty dishes he was about to hand to Yo Han, who just leaned over and took them from him, completely undeterred. “She wanted to make sure to find something suitable to your tastes.” Something fast and powerful.
Ga On only registered on the side that it meant that Elijah must have relayed his reticent confession, but he found that it barely felt like a betrayal. Yo Han was too observant not to have picked up on his reactions in the past and even though Ga On had not considered this development, he knew that if he had explicitly told Elijah to keep it between them, she would have done so.
But Elijah had gone to Yo Han to ask for help.
Ga On pictured her scrunched up nose at the prospect of having to say the words out loud and he let out a brief chuckle, unable to stop the affection from taking ahold of his heart. Yo Han had finished putting away the dishes in the meantime and was now leaning against the kitchen counter, scrutinising the emotions flitting across Ga On’s face.
The two men kept a beat of silence, assessing each other. Yo Han’s face was open, relaxed, but his gaze carried the usual weight that set Ga On alight with something too close to the hunger he kept under tight wraps. Too close to the reckless feeling he would get leaning into another sharp curve-
He found that he wanted to shrink from it, wanted to bask in its glory.
Ga On cleared his throat, breaking the spell. “I will- I’ll have to find a way to tell her to return it”, he said.
Yo Han folded his arms across his chest. His expression turned carefully neutral, but Ga On could hear a note of genuine curiosity when he opened his mouth to reply. “Why?”
Ga On deflated, shoving down a complicated mixture of emotions as he reached for a rag to swipe over a counter that definitely didn’t need cleaning. Keeping his voice even he simply said, “I don’t go there any more.”
“But you want to”, came the response. Not a question. Ga On stilled, frustration slowly creeping in at the persistence. He had had a long day and talking about his rebellious youth and folly was not on the list of wind-down activities he had planned for the evening.
Knowing that, no matter what he did now, it would be taken as clear confirmation, Ga On attempted a lesser evil than outright admittance, even if it felt like a coward’s way out.
“Komi has been eating less these past days, I want to take her to the vet tomorrow, just to be sure it’s nothing serious.” His words earned him a raised brow, but Yo Han seemed to accept his deflection for now. However, Ga On knew from experience that he had just filed it away for later. The man held his gaze for a moment longer before shrugging and pushing off the counter to make his way back to the study.
“Ask Elijah if she wants to join you”, was all he said as he passed Ga On.
+++
A week later the motorcycle was still there, parked in the dimly lit space right where Ga On had found it that first day. Its presence was really starting to grate at him, taking his thoughts down a wrong turn, then another, until Ga On’s fingers were itching to wrap around the textured grips, to let the engine roar to life beneath him.
It was worse, now that he knew it had been very deliberately purchased for him and Ga On had started to dread his commute to and from work, as it took him past the sleek machine his eyes would inadvertently be drawn to every time, without fail. The juvenile yearning had quickly mixed with apprehension as it became clear to him that he would have to sit down with Elijah sooner rather than later and figure out a way to ask her to sell the bike without breaking her heart.
And then there was Yo Han, observant and insufferable as ever — raising an eyebrow at him in pointed silence when he caught Ga On lingering near the door leading to the garage, purposefully leaving out motorcycle magazines strewn around the study. One day, Ga On even caught him watching the movie Elijah had shown him on his laptop. Ga On had wordlessly walked out of the room as Yo Han turned the screen to him with a boyish grin.
He needed to put an end to it, to both his stupid urges and Yo Han’s unsubtle prompts to start a conversation on a topic he’d rather leave buried. What use was it to drag up the mistakes of his youth, the wild, dangerous hunger he had learned to temper down the hard way?
But then again, Yo Han had always seemed to encourage it, had evidently found pleasure in coaxing out that side of him, eyes lighting up with a wicked fire whenever Ga On let himself be consumed by it. The thought of that unflinching acceptance was too much to bear, too much to even acknowledge, so Ga On was careful to avoid thinking about it too deeply. Besides, Yo Han should know better — Ga On had only hurt those he cared about when he let that part of him surface, that dark ugly part bringing nothing but sorrow, disappointment-
Yo Han should know better, because he was among them. Ga On had- He had hurt him beyond what the lingering scar on his palm implied, had broken his hard-earned trust before. He had allowed his anger to blind him, guide him, and somehow Yo Han kept encouraging him to let loose, to push back-
Ga On’s breathing hiccuped as it suddenly, excruciatingly, dawned on him.
Perhaps Yo Han wanted to show him that it was safe, that he would be accepted in this, too. That he was not inherently a monster for being himself-
He let out a choked sob at the realisation, quickly pressing his fist against his lips to stop any additional echoing sounds from escaping.
Because- Because if Ga On truly was a monster for that, then- Then what would that say about Yo Han?
What would it say about a man who held so much love in his heart and had always been punished for it, for a man who had worked so hard on building up the walls around his heart to protect himself after everyone called him monstrous for his attempts to connect with them, to show how fiercely caring he could be?
Ga On didn’t notice his body giving out as he crumpled against the garage door, gripping the handle so tightly that his knuckles turned white.
He did not deserve Yo Han.
He did not deserve his love, his care, his forgiveness- How could he, when he even refused this simple reassurance? All it would cost him was an admittance of some reckless want, a juvenile hunger-
Violently yanking his thoughts away, Ga On forced himself into a calm he didn’t feel as he finally pressed down on the handle, slamming the garage door shut behind him with more force than strictly necessary. He knew he was spiralling, blowing things out of proportion. The pit in his stomach didn’t seem to care. He had to- Ga On had to-
Keeping it all locked away was the right choice. Who knew what else would surface if he let himself have this one defiant embrace of desire?
“Rough day at work?”, Yo Han interrupted his thoughts and Ga On jumped, immediately averting his eyes in the hopes that Yo Han’s ever-observant gaze had not recognised the guilt reflected in them. His tone hadn’t revealed whether or not he knew it was not work that had been troubling him — which implied that he was well aware it wasn’t. Ga On silently cursed the inopportune timing of his appearance in the hallway.
The velvety loafers entered his field of vision before he could even register the sound of the steps that brought Yo Han to a standstill in front of him. A hooked finger came to rest under Ga On’s chin, thumb pressing into his jaw with enough force to convey that Yo Han expected no resistance as he lifted it.
He obeyed, of course he did. The contact sent an electric spark through Ga On, almost strong enough to overpower the urge to hide as Yo Han’s eyes found his.
Ga On felt trapped beneath the scrutinising gaze, the ever-focused attention that threatened to take his breath away. He wanted to tear himself away from it, wanted to lean closer and selfishly share what has been weighing on him, the reason why he couldn’t accept Elijah’s gift. But that would be unfair, wouldn’t it? This mess was his to deal with.
In a small defiance, Ga On let his eyes drift past Yo Han’s shoulder. The other man strengthened his grip slightly, but did not insist further.
“Ga On.“
Yo Han’s tone was gentle, so impossibly gentle that the pit in his stomach only started to grow, claw deeper into him as Ga On screwed his eyes shut, drawing in a shaky breath. He was being difficult on purpose, making a bigger deal out of things than necessary — he didn’t deserve this, he didn’t-
“Ga On-ah. What’s going on?”
And something within Ga On shattered as he let out a sudden, harsh gasp. Before he could process what was happening there were strong arms coming to wrap around him, holding him up as he burrowed his face in the crook of Yo Han’s neck. He shouldn’t, he shouldn’t, he didn’t-
A warm, tentative hand rubbed soothing circles into his back. Some distant part of himself realised that he was crying, noted how he was clinging to Yo Han like a lifeline. Yo Han, who was surely distraught and put off by the sudden emotions. Yo Han, who remained rooted in place regardless. Yo Han, who was trying to comfort him even when Ga On could sense the tension in his frame.
Yo Han, whom he loved so incredibly much that his chest threatened to burst at the mere thought-
Ga On choked out another sob, selfishly — so selfishly — pulling Yo Han closer until there was no space between them, until the sounds he made were fully muffled by smooth skin and soft fabric, until his fingers ached with how tightly he was gripping onto Yo Han’s robe.
They stayed like that for a while, until Ga On finally felt like he was able to breathe again. Yo Han’s body had remained tense throughout, but his hand was still engaged in that soothing motion as Ga On forced his fingers to relax and let go, his feet to take a step back.
He didn’t want to, but he had definitely caused enough discomfort for the day. Before he could apologise, Yo Han spoke up. “I can talk to Elijah about the bike.”
Ga On immediately shook his head as he wiped away the teary mess left on his cheeks, noting the closed off expression Yo Han had put on. By now he knew the other man well enough to not take it personally; Yo Han did not like to show when he was out of his depth. Still, the sliver of worry shining through was the reassurance he needed to try for a shaky smile.
“That-“ Ga On deflated. Part of him wanted to retreat, to take this easy out; both for his and Yo Han’s sake, to have this conversation when they were more settled. But Yo Han had held him, allowed to take from him the grounding he needed. Perhaps it was time to clear some things up.
“Thank you, but that’s not necessary.” He winced, then added quietly, “I don’t want to make a big deal out of it.”
Yo Han immediately picked up on the shift in tone and gestured towards the study. A question, an invitation. Ga On breathed through the spike of panic shooting through him at the possibility of what might slip his tongue and gave him a curt nod before turning to lead the way. He could stop being a coward if it meant not worrying Yo Han any further.
+++
The two of them settled into the comfortable cushions of the seating area — Yo Han leaning back into the soft leather of the armchair, crossing his legs in a fluid movement as he did. Ga On opted for the couch, a good distance away, one leg bouncing in a nervous rhythm as he was wringing his hands. Yo Han certainly took note of the tension radiating off of him, but held his tongue. As Ga On glanced over he found his expression to be open, and painfully attentive. There was a nod of encouragement, but Ga On’s throat only closed up, suddenly second guessing his resolve.
A thick silence settled between them, one which Yo Han seemed in no hurry to break. Sometimes the patience of that man could be outright infuriating.
“After my parents died I was… not fully myself”, Ga On finally blurted out when he couldn’t bear it any longer, “I had so much pent up anger, energy, with nowhere to go. Soo Hyun and-“ He stocked, noting the dull pain as he dug his fingers into his skin. “I could see it in their eyes that they did not like the methods I resorted to. That I-“
You still haven’t come to your senses.
“I was hurting them with my careless behaviour”, Ga On tried to swallow down the knot forming in his throat, avoiding Yo Han’s eyes, even though he suspected he would hardly find them filled with the familiar judgement bestowed upon him in the past.
“Then, one day, I got into an accident on my motorcycle, nothing serious”, he reassured quickly, “I managed to get away with only a few scrapes. It was-“ He stopped, swallowed, started again. “No one else was wounded, either, but it had been entirely my fault. I had miscalculated.“ Ga On’s body tensed at the memory and he forced his hands onto his thighs, pressing down on his leg until it stopped bouncing.
“I made some unwise choices and paid the price”, he said, trying to keep his voice even, “and I have long outgrown these childish rebellions. Besides, I don’t want anyone to worry about me like that anymore, especially not Elijah-”, and, after a brief pause he softly added, “or you.”
Ga On anxiously let the words settle in the space between them, finally daring to glance at Yo Han, who seemed at unperturbed by the revelation, his expression bordering on thoughtful. Digging his fingers into the fabric of his trousers, Ga On braced himself for the inevitable prodding.
“What happened to your bike?”
“Hm?” Of all the questions, this was the one least expected. “Oh, Professor Min took a golf club to it”, Ga On replied, trying to keep the bitterness from his voice, lest Yo Han interpret it as him mourning the loss of his motorcycle and not as the lingering ache of Professor Min’s spectacular betrayal that had almost cost him everything.
Yo Han’s gaze darkened. “I see”, he said, refusing to elaborate. Instead, he uncrossed his legs and Ga On couldn’t help but startle at the swift movement as the other man came to stand in front of him.
“Take me on a ride after dinner.”
Ga On sputtered, feeling a budding anger mix with the rising panic at the notion. “Excuse me?”
Yo Han held his gaze. “You heard me”, he said with enough cocky arrogance that Ga On surged to his feet, blood boiling.
“Did you not listen to what I just said?”, he hissed. Yo Han only cocked his head at his temper getting the better of him, a dangerous challenge glinting in his eyes. “I disagree with the conclusion you drew. Take me on a ride.”
“No.”
“Then I’ll follow you in my car, we can race-“ Ga On was suddenly overwhelmed with the need to shove Yo Han away, out of his space, as his heart beat in a increasingly concerning rhythm, appalled by the prospect. Appalled and — in an act of spectacular self-betrayal — infuriatingly intrigued, which was somehow worse, much worse.
Yo Han must have picked up on some of his inner turmoil, because his lip quirked into a smug, almost mocking smile. But before he could open his mouth again, Ga On snarled at him, gripped by the desperate need to put an end to this. “Absolutely not” — the tremor in his voice must have been from controlling the volume. He didn’t want to resort to shouting, after all, not when Elijah could so easily overhear them.
The other man seemed thoroughly unimpressed by his reaction and Ga On realised too late that Yo Han might be deliberately trying to rile him up, to goad him into losing control. He balled his fists in anticipation of the question he knew would follow next.
“Why?”
Ga On threw the question right back into his face, cheeks burning. “Why? Because I couldn’t live with myself if you had to scrape me off the-“
He immediately noticed that something he said must have backfired because Yo Han was suddenly crowding even further into his space, close enough that Ga On could count the individual eyelashes, framing a pair of dark and piercing brown eyes. A hand clamped down on his wrist, forceful enough to freeze the sentence mid-completion.
“You are not a teenager any more, Ga On-ah.”
Yo Han’s words were quiet, measured, but his gaze was almost unbearably intense. Ga On’s anger dissipated within seconds at the hint of sorrowful gentleness he found reflected in Yo Han’s eyes, instead turning into something too vulnerable, too panicked, all too quickly, punching the air out of his chest. Yo Han wordlessly reached for his other wrist, the pressure wonderfully grounding. There was clearly more he wanted to say on the topic, but in the end he just tilted his head slightly, settling on a question that was somehow much, much worse.
“Why are you denying yourself something you so evidently want?”
Ga On stopped breathing. He wanted to recoil, to yank his arms away, to lash out, but the soothing circles were back, scrunching up the fabric of his shirt. He hadn’t noticed that he was shaking again, nails painfully digging into the flesh of his palm. Were they still talking about the motorcycle?
“Don’t ask me that, please”, he finally said, voice thick and hoarse. How could he explain that desire was a slippery slope? That he was terrified of where it might lead?
Something in Yo Han’s expression flickered and he schooled his face back into a carefully neutral mask, once again retreating behind a wall.
“You are an adult now, it wouldn’t be some” — he deliberately enunciated — “childish rebellion.”
Ga On almost scoffed, opening his mouth to throw a scathing retort back in his face, but he quickly found that a leaden exhaustion had settled in his bones. At the sight of Yo Han’s blank features he felt the last shred of energy to continue the argument seep out of him. He couldn’t do this. Not today.
Slowly, he withdrew his hands from Yo Han’s steadying grasp. The other man let go of him without any resistance and Ga On told himself that it had no right to sting, but his chest constricted regardless.
“I guess not”, he eventually said, moving to sidestep Yo Han, his tone as flat as he managed to will it, “but I’ve made myself clear on the matter. I ask you to accept my decision.”
To his relief, Yo Han only held his gaze for a moment before finally conceding to him with a nod and Ga On left him in the study as he moved to the kitchen to prepare their dinner, trying not to see his tactical retreat as the flight they both knew it to be.
+++
The fragile truce between them lasted less than two days, as, during their shared breakfast on Sunday, Yo Han turned to Elijah with a deliberately casual air and said, “Ga On told me he wants to take your gift out for a test ride today.”
Ga On, who had been sipping his coffee, choked on it and immediately started coughing, shooting an angry glare across the table before brightening up to turn to Elijah. Yo Han knew very well that he had, in fact, verbalised no such desire. Elijah mustered him with a frown, clearly unimpressed.
“I said I was considering it,” Ga On retorted in a measured tone. “But I think I’m too tired today. Why don’t we relax with some board games instead, hm?”
“Oh, but the weather is so beautiful outside, Ga On-ah”, Yo Han allowed the ghost of a mocking grin to tug his lips slightly upward, “it would be a shame to waste it indoors.”
Elijah scoffed, evidently fed up with both of them as she put down her spoon with a bit more force than necessary. “If you don’t like it just say so.” Her tone was harsh, but Ga On sensed something fragile underneath that made his heart sink.
“No, it’s not that, Elijah”, he reassured her quickly, “it’s definitely not that. I just-“
“Good”, she cut him off, evidently not caring for his excuses, “because I started on my license so I could accompany you.”
She- What?
Ga On’s eyes immediately found Yo Han’s, who was not even attempting to hide the glint of amusement reflected in them as he observed Ga On’s distinctly horrified expression. The two Kangs had clearly discussed the issue in advance and Yo Han must have signed off on it, much to Ga On’s disbelief.
“There is a company that specialises on wheelchair-accessible motorcycles”, Elijah continued, entirely unperturbed by their silent conversation, “I should be done with the theoretical part by the time they ship it. You will help me practise before the driving test, won’t you?” She leaned over to Ga On to nudge him out of his stupor, who just blinked at her.
“I-“ Ga On eventually cleared his throat, breaking the expectant silence that had settled over the breakfast table, his stomach sinking.
“Of course, Elijah.” As if he could ever deny her.
+++
After the kitchen had been cleaned, Ga On ended up convincing Elijah to relocate into the garden to do some plein-air painting. He invited Yo Han along out of courtesy, but the man was quick to refuse. Ga On happily let him be, as he couldn’t help but feel a nagging hurt at both the quick dismissal of his plea to drop the subject, and at how efficiently Yo Han had blindsided him and put him in a corner earlier this morning.
Just as Ga On settled in the grass next to the easel, with Komi gently purring in his lap, ready to let his thoughts turn to more pleasant things, Elijah decided to speak up.
“Why don’t you want to use the motorcycle?”
Ga On froze mid-movement, hand hovering above the fluffy grey cat, who was quick to press up into his palm to remind him of his abandoned petting duties.
In the end, he only let out a huffed sigh. He really should have seen this coming.
“It’s not that I don’t want to, Elijah.”
She shot him a glare, the question in her eyes blatant enough that she didn’t deem it worth verbalising. Ga On blinked, the expression unexpectedly tugging at his chest. Sometimes they were so alike in their mannerisms that it was almost uncanny.
Rubbing a free hand across his weary eyes, Ga On deliberately pulled his face into a thoughtful expression, scrambling internally to find the right words that would make for a satisfying answer. He sighed once more as he caught Elijah’s cool, but expectant gaze.
“It’s complicated.”
Elijah was evidently not satisfied with the answer, but kept her lips uncharacteristically closed. Ga On suddenly found himself wanting to make her understand why he made such a big deal out of it. “I did enjoy it”, he started quietly, “back when I used to ride. It’s just you, the powerful engine, and the open road-“ Ga On paused, swallowed, “there is a wild, unbridled freedom to it that nothing else can compare to.”
“You loved it.” A statement.
He didn’t waste his breath attempting to refute it.
“There’s a thrill to it, you know? The wind is tearing at you, and you become very aware of your body, how the slightest sway can change the trajectory-” Ga On trailed off, but after a moment he added, “it is a big responsibility, too. More dangerous than a car ride as you have nothing to protect you when something goes wrong.” At that, he looked at Elijah, who was squinting slightly at him, certainly aware of what Ga On was playing at.
“I know the risks”, she retorted, almost petulant, but there was something else in her voice Ga On couldn’t quite place. “So does Yo Han. We discussed it.” Ah, just as he had expected.
Elijah scoffed when he didn’t jump at the bait. A quick sideways glance at her revealed she was building up the courage to say something else, so Ga On continued to hold his tongue and twisted his upper body slightly to give her his undivided attention.
“I wanted to learn more about something you liked”, she turned her head so that her face was half-obscured by her hair, clearly not comfortable with said attention during such an admission, “I wanted to get to know you better.”
Oh.
It was suddenly impossible to stop the swell of emotions in Ga On’s chest, the aching fondness that first threatened to surface as a big sob and then manifested as a wet chuckle. Elijah whipped around, clearly alarmed, only to find Ga On rubbing away some moisture in the corner of his eyes before he reached up to squeeze her hand. Komi had abandoned his lap at some point, clearly not amused with how much he was wiggling around.
“I’m sorry, Elijah. I hadn’t even considered that.” He gave her a big, rueful smile, blinking away the remainder of what were definitely not tears, “I’m sorry, I’ve been so caught up in my head-“
Elijah expression seemed to hold little patience for his wallowing, as her gaze turned confused and distant to cover the distress at seeing him like this — so much like Yo Han — but her hand squeezed back tightly. “Why are you being so dramatic? We can find something different.”
“No, no, it’s fine”, he reassured her, trying for one of his bright smiles in the hopes it would convey just how much it meant to him that she wanted to do this for him. “Others just hadn’t been so supportive of it in the past, you know?”
Ga On let out a shaky exhale, feeling a bittersweet ache settle around his ribs, “I don’t even begrudge them for it, really, I was quite reckless on the road.”
Elijah allowed his words to linger for a moment before she retorted, “but you aren’t now.”
“No,” Ga On admitted after a moment, “I suppose I’m not.”
As he looked up at Elijah again, he found a small, almost triumphant grin forming at her lips, even though she tried to suppress it. Slowly, it dawned upon him that he had just been thoroughly had by a way-too-clever teenager as she said, “so you’ll teach me?”
Ga On laughed, the last shred of tension uncoiling as a familiar warmth enveloped his chest and he allowed it to bloom into something dangerous, but undeniably hopeful. “I already agreed earlier, didn’t I?”
+++
He left Elijah to her own devices soon after, heading back to the house with a weight lifted off his chest. In its place, there was a restlessness that had settled deep in his limbs as he felt the insistent tug towards the garage flare up again. Ga On was turning over the implications of his conversation with Elijah in his head as his feet almost involuntarily took him towards where he knew the motorcycle would be still waiting for him.
She had been right — and so was Yo Han, he suddenly remembered — Ga On was not a reckless teenager any more, angry with the world and seeking an outlet for his pain. Connecting the issue to his other tempered down desires felt more than a bit silly in hindsight. Still, he couldn’t quite wrap his head around it. He knew that both Kangs wanted to see him happy, of course he knew. But that Elijah, too, would take such an active role-
Ga On stopped in his tracks as he noticed the figure next to the motorcycle. It was Yo Han, casually leaning against it, his hands toying with the clasp of a second helmet.
It took a moment for his brain to catch up, to put the pieces together and once it did, Ga On was entirely unsure if he should be furious or overjoyed. They- The pair had worked together — together — in their incessant scheming, no doubt engineered by Yo Han, as they elegantly manoeuvred him past his inhibitions in pursuit of-
Of what? His happiness?
Ga On’s words got caught in his throat; for a moment he was so overwhelmed by the contradicting surges of emotion that he was well and truly speechless.
Yo Han must have looked up from his fidgeting and noticed, because an impish grin spread across his features, somehow making him look much younger. Ga On wanted to explode at him, scold him for the manipulation, but he found that he couldn’t. Not with that boyish smile on Yo Han’s face and the explicit and repeated permission — almost bordering on demand — to go and do something that made his heart sing. The world seemed to stop for a moment as Ga On let that thought settle, heart clenching as Yo Han lifted his arm in an inviting gesture, laced with mock-innocence.
That bastard.
There was still a conversation to be had, but it would have to wait; everything would have to wait because Yo Han and Elijah had conspired together to show him that it was okay to embrace the part of him Soo Hyun and Professor Min had only regarded with disdain. The need to feel the weight of the motorcycle beneath him was suddenly so terrifyingly all-consuming that Ga On almost flinched back from it. Almost.
He could feel Yo Han’s attention on him, his gaze laced with a gentle affection that set Ga On’s world alight. There was something else, too; a sliver of the same greedy hunger reflected back at him, making his heart race and skin tingle with the buzz of anticipation.
Ga On had been such a coward — perhaps it was finally time to face that burning fire head-on.
Yo Han must have sensed the shift as well, because he stepped aside to let him assess the bike properly for the first time. Ga On bridged the distance within seconds, reaching out almost reverently.
His motorcycle.
He let out a chuckle of disbelief, hands greedily tracing the dark grey chassis, eyes reflexively looking up to Yo Han, as if searching for one final confirmation.
The unguarded, achingly fond expression that greeted him stopped the breath in his chest and for a moment, all Ga On could do was to drink it in with the desperation of a man who had come close to dying of thirst one too many times.
“Aren’t you going to go for a ride?” Yo Han’s words were laced with amusement as his eyebrows quirked up. He looked so open and at ease — happy.
Ga On suddenly wanted nothing more than to lean over and kiss him until he felt dizzy with it and he had to quickly avert his eyes before the urge overwhelmed him, before he did something stupid that would ruin everything and-
And then Ga On was falling, reeling, the ache of his pent up desire twisting painfully in his chest until- The firm grip on his chin was familiar, grounding, and Ga On allowed Yo Han to tilt his head back up without any resistance, the touch, capturing his complete attention, searing into his skin and sending a pleasant shiver down his spine.
There was an almost imperceptible bob of Yo Han’s Adam's apple as he swallowed and for a split second Ga On thought he recognised a sliver of uncertainty flit across his face before Yo Han schooled his features into something that conveyed mild amusement at Ga On’s predicament.
There was a challenge glinting in his eyes once more as he opened his mouth to speak. “Let me ask you again, why are you denying yourself something you so evidently want?”
For a moment, the world seemed to stand still as Ga On’s heart skipped a beat. He blinked at Yo Han, who raised an expectant eyebrow at him in return, his mind going momentarily blank as he tried to process what Yo Han was implying. He couldn’t mean-
Ga On saw Yo Han’s lips move, perhaps shape the syllables of his name, but it was hard to hear anything over the rushing in his ears. This couldn’t still be about the-
Belatedly, Ga On noticed how the expression on Yo Han’s face transformed once more, turning into something deliberately and painfully void of emotions, likely because Ga On had remained frozen for too long. A muscle in Yo Han’s jaw twitched as he let go of Ga On’s chin, the earlier warmth radiating off of him effectively gone in the blink of an eye.
No, no, no-
Ga On could feel the pit in his stomach open up again. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He had somehow managed to mess up again, to ruin everything once more with his stupid-
His breathing turned ragged and desperate when he saw Yo Han give him a smile that didn’t reach his eyes as the other man made to move out of his space. Before he could think about it, Ga On’s hand had shot out, reaching for Yo Han’s arm in a desperate attempt to keep him close. His brain was frantically trying to come up with something to say as his eyes found Yo Han’s, something that would bring back that tender expression Ga On found himself wanting, needing, to see more than anything.
“Please, don’t-“ Ga On’s chest constricted, words catching in his throat.
“Ask you that? Duly noted. It will not happen again.”
Something within Ga On shattered as Yo Han looked down between them and lifted his free hand clearly intending to pry away the fingers that were keeping him in place. Ga On knew he should let go.
They had been so close. So close to that dangerous edge from which there would be no backing away again once they crossed the line, yet he found himself wishing for that fall, burning up with the desire to have taken that leap of faith. Ga On had somehow managed to mess it up again, had allowed the moment to pass and now-
He knew he should let go of Yo Han, but his hand didn’t feel like it was under his control any more as Ga On’s grip only tightened in desperation. Yo Han deserved better, he deserved-
“Go”, Ga On finally finished, voice barely above a whisper. Yo Han stilled.
It was more plea than anything else when he lifted his eyes, desperately searching Yo Han's face for some kind of reaction. “Please don’t go. I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”
Before he could let his doubts get the better of him, Ga on tugged at Yo Han with enough strength that he could see a flicker of surprise as the other man swayed back towards him, put slightly off balance. It only lasted for a moment, because a second later Ga On had surged forward, curling the quivering fingers of his free hand into Yo Han’s collar, stabilising him.
Yo Han’s expression was carefully blank and Ga On hoped, desperately hoped he was doing the right thing as he bridged the last bit of distance between them, moving slowly and carefully to give the other man the opportunity to pull away, to put an end to his foolish actions.
But Yo Han remained rooted in place as Ga On’s lips pressed against his, tentative and feather-light at first, before Ga On gave into a gentle firmness, hoping it would convey what his words failed to express.
He was kissing Yo Han, finally kissing the man he loved so much-
A surge of bottomless hunger suddenly threatened to take over, but he reigned it back in in the very last moment, because Yo Han remained tense as a bowstring under his hands, staying rigid for long enough that Ga On started to question if he had somehow misinterpreted the signs after all, worry replacing the flames of desire within seconds. The familiar panic was quick to rise up, as his doubts crowded in again.
This had been a mistake, he-
He needed to get out of here, to beg Yo Han for forgiveness before locking himself into his room, but when he moved to pull away, Ga On found that he couldn’t. A hand had come to rest on his neck, keeping him locked in place, lips still sealed together.
Slowly, and with careful deliberation, Yo Han moved against him, finally returning the kiss, keeping it soft and tender as if imitating Ga On’s first tentative press of lips. Freeing his other arm from Ga On’s grip, Yo Han’s hand snaked it around his waist, the helmet he had been holding dangling against his hip, but Ga On noted with a pang in his chest that the tension in his frame remained.
Restraint, it dawned upon him belatedly. He was an idiot. Yo Han was holding back to allow Ga On to set the pace.
The realisation sent a rush of heat through him, fingers curling into fabric more tightly as Ga On deepened the kiss, letting some of that desperate need he felt seep into it. Yo Han immediately matched him in intensity, tension finally snapping as he bit down on Ga On’s lip. Ga On couldn’t hold back the whole body shudder, his own ferocious hunger eagerly surging up to meet Yo Han’s, letting go of his last inhibitions as their kiss turned into something wild and greedy.
It seemed to be what Yo Han had been waiting for as he dug his fingers into the nape of Ga On’s neck, sending an electric shiver down his spine, curling them until they were burrowing into his hair, giving the strands an insistent tug. If Ga On had not been so preoccupied, he would have found the breathless whimper stealing from his lips almost embarrassing. It evidently didn’t escape Yo Han notice, however, as he let out a small huff, laced in gentle amusement, the sound so precious to Ga On that he couldn’t help but open his eyes
— only to find Yo Han already observing him with an almost awed expression, the intensity of his gaze taking his breath away.
Ga On was suddenly very aware of the blush warming his cheeks, how his lips were red and swollen — and how Yo Han’s eyes seemed to greedily drink in every single of these details. The urge to squirm away, to hide from the scrutiny quickly became overwhelming, but Ga On didn’t want to break the spell, the almost reverent expression on Yo Han’s face.
Ga On swallowed. “Better?” He aimed for cocky, but his hoarse voice betrayed him.
Yo Han shook his head, a small laugh escaping his lips as his eyes filled with the same warm fondness that Ga On had so desperately tried to bring back earlier.
Well, at least he now knew a surefire way to do so, he thought absentmindedly, sparking a giddy delight in his chest as Ga On’s brain tried to wrap itself around the new possibilities just opening up before him. He could tell by how Yo Han pursed his lips that the other man was no doubt picking up on the newfound realisations.
“You tell me.”
Ga On let out a huff, powerless against the surge of affection tugging the corners of his lips upward. He swatted at Yo Han’s arm, but there was no heat behind it. “You can be quite infuriating sometimes, did you know?”
Yo Han only inclined his head, letting Ga On decide whether he wanted to interpret it as a confirmation or denial, but his eyes glinted with unconcealed mischief. Ga On sighed, easing up on the grip that was undoubtedly creasing the fabric of Yo Han’s shirt, fingers automatically smoothing it out before finally letting go of the collar — a motion that made Yo Han chuckle softly. The sound was so overwhelmingly addicting that Ga On found himself leaning closer again, wrapping his arms around Yo Han as he pressed another kiss onto his lips, in the hopes that it could trap the happiness inside.
Yo Han graciously indulged him for a moment, but tugged him back as soon as the kiss threatened to become heated again. Ga On tried to keep the disappointed whine from crossing his lips, but something must have come through because Yo Han snorted with exasperated affection before squeezing his neck.
“Ga On-ah”, his voice was warm, teasing, “I thought you wanted to take your motorcycle for a spin?”
Ga On blinked, suddenly very aware of the helmet still pressing against his back. Open roads, the wind in his face, the powerful engine beneath him propelling him further and further, faster and faster-
“There is proper protection in the storage room down the hall”, Yo Han said, dark eyes twinkling. Ga On let out a breathless laugh, chest aching with how much he loved this man, because of course, of course Yo Han taken care to purchase the necessary gear — and probably perfectly guessed the sizes, too.
Of course he would be suggestive about the phrasing, given the chance.
He could feel Yo Han observing him closely, the wistful look that had settled on Ga On’s face earlier turning into something wilder — and for once, he made no effort to hide it. Instead, his lips split into a dazzling grin, allowing an entirely different kind of recklessness to take ahold of him.
Testing these newfound waters, Ga On lifted his chin. “Ask me again.”
Yo Han furrowed his brows slightly, clearly bewildered, but the expression only lingered for a split second before he carefully smoothed out his features. The cogs were clearly turning in his head — Ga On, however, didn’t plan to give him enough time to grow annoyed with his vague demand. Shooting the motorcycle a pointed glance first, Ga On lifted his eyes up to give Yo Han a meaningful look.
Perhaps letting a little bit of the brat — that Yo Han occasionally accused him of being — shine through, he emphasised, “nicely this time, hm?”
For a moment, it seemed like he had gone too far as Yo Han’s gaze darkened with something Ga On couldn’t quite identify. He swallowed, throat suddenly dry, as Yo Han pinned him down with an intense stare, the fingers around Ga On’s neck tightening; a clear warning.
Before Ga On could take back what he said, however, Yo Han seemed to reel himself away from the that dangerous precipice that somehow still sent a thrill through Ga On, not necessarily one born of fear, releasing the last bit of tension with a bark of laughter, almost carrying something akin to disbelief at Ga On's audacity.
Shaking his head, a devastatingly roguish smile tugging at his lips, Yo Han dropped his voice into something low, almost sultry, that caused bright sparks to go off through Ga On’s entire body — an immediate, and effective, reminder that he should have thought of the consequences of his actions.
Yo Han in heavy leather gear, Yo Han’s chest snug against Ga On’s back, Yo Han’s strong arms circling around his waist, firmly interlinked, Yo Han-
He leaned in close, breath hot against his skin and Ga On was grateful that his shirt covered the goosebumps, spreading rapidly all over.
“Will you take me on a ride, Ga On-ah?”
Ga On found himself nodding along, almost in a daze, transfixed by the quirk of Yo Han’s lips, chest swelling with a cocktail of emotions almost too heady to process. There was a beat of silence, as if the other man was waiting for a verbal confirmation.
Turning his head slightly, Ga On pressed his forehead against Yo Han’s, allowing his solid presence to ground him as he found his words.
“Yes”, he finally breathed. “Yes of course.”
As if he could ever deny him.