Chapter Text
Hyunjin POV
He had grown up in this house. He had been brought home from the hospital through this front door. He'd had all of his birthdays here, broke his toe in the kitchen, lost his first tooth in the downstairs bathroom. There had been holidays and parties and quiet nights here. But somehow, after all those years and all the memories, one year away at school and the place felt completely foreign to him. But then again, it always sort of had.
He meandered down the hall, fingertip dragging along the cream wall like he needed to stay grounded to something. He saw the carefully curated art his parents strategically placed on the walls, all of it bland and contemporary and utterly meaningless. But their associates and colleagues seemed impressed by it so they meticulously chose their pieces, each one more mind-numbing than the last and told their guests through gritted teeth how much they just adored art.
Hyunjin sighed. He knew first hand what a lie that was.
He finally arrived at his bedroom, the last room on the right of the top floor. He stored away the last of his suitcases and let his eyes glide over the familiar bedspread. The dresser he’d had since he was ten with the matching bed frame and nightstands. All of it was a deep, rich wood that felt stuffy and oppressive to Hyunjin. It was a dark oak that looked like something that should have been in one of his parents' offices at their law firm, not a young boy's room. But his parents had liked it when the interior designer had picked it out so he’d been stuck with it ever since.
The desk had come with it too. He’d spent hours upon hours of his life hunched over it, back bowed over his advanced math homework and chemistry notes. He’d once written an entire 5,000 word extra credit essay with a 102 degree fever at that desk. It had turned out strange and a bit disjointed but the teacher had thought it provocative and he’d gotten full marks. He still rolled his eyes when he thought about it.
But late at night, when he was supposed to be sleeping, he’d sneak out of bed and turn on the green desk lamp that every accountant owned, washing his room in a warm, sickly sort of glow. And he’d pull out his secret sketchbook and he’d sit down at that same desk and he’d draw. Sometimes, he’d draw all the way until morning. He’d draw things in his room, trying to get them exactly right. Trying to copy the real world onto paper. He’d draw animals he liked and the dog he wished he had. He would try to draw his friends from memory. Trying to remember if Lee Know’s brows were arched or straight or the way I.N.’s eyes nearly closed when he smiled. He’d try to draw big eyes and freckles and crumple up the paper every time because it was never quite right. It didn’t feel as warm. And eventually, drawing those eyes just made his chest ache, so he’d stopped.
Hyunjin sighed, really not wanting to shove himself that far down memory lane just because he was home for the first time in almost a year.
He shook his head, trying to clear it and chuckled to himself as he remembered the time he’d tried to hang a picture he’d draw on his wall when he was eight. His parents had thrown a fit, telling him it would ruin the paint. He’d carefully peeled it off the wall, leaving it unscathed and blank for the next decade until he moved out. To this day, he got nervous when trying to decorate his dorm, worried that his parents would show up and demand he remove all of the bits of color and texture and warmth this instant.
Thankfully, they had been too busy this last year to visit.
So Hyunjin had spent his first year at college largely alone. He’d met some nice people, and had a good group to study with. However, unsurprisingly, he didn’t have a whole lot in common with future lawyers. Besides the fact that he too was studying to become a lawyer.
But outside of that? They loved to talk about global politics and finances and stuff. But Hyunjin just really wanted to know if any of them had any opinions on Picasso’s later works.
They did not.
He sighed for what had to be the hundredth time and left the room. He couldn't tell if he was hungry or tired or just terribly empty.
He made his way through the cavernous house. He’d always wondered why his parents had such a large place when it had only ever been the three of them. He didn’t have any siblings and, as far as he knew, his parents had never wanted to have more than just him. Which was shocking, considering how badly they wanted an heir. It only seemed logical to try to produce a few incase you had a couple of duds. But unfortunately, Hyunjin was the sole owner of all the generational pressure.
He made his way to the kitchen, his mother on her phone and picking at a bowl of grapes. She glanced up as he entered and she nodded while she continued hissing down the line.
“No, Mark, I don’t care if they want to push the trial date back. They’re stalling and trying to garner sympathy from the judge. We’re going to proceed next week and that’s it. So make it happen.” It was a tone Hyunjin knew well.
He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and stole a handful of grapes and was hoping he could just escape back upstairs, but he wasn’t quite fast enough.
“Hyunjin,” His mother called as she set her phone down on the granite countertops. He pivoted on his toes, turning back to face her as he popped a grape into his mouth.
Her brow folded in on itself, a look of quiet disappointment on her face. “Oh look at you. Your hair has gotten so long.”
Her tone implied that she was displeased with it but Hyunjin loved it. As soon as he’d moved out, he’d stopped cutting it. He’d not really meant to at first, but when he’d moved into the city, he didn’t know a good hairdresser. He’d done a little research online but that had quickly fallen by the wayside when classes picked up. And then one day, a few months in, he’d realized as he scraped his hair back to wash his face that it was long enough to tie back. When had it gotten so long? Had his hair always grown so fast? He’d had a standing appointment for a trim every 6 weeks since middle school so he didn’t really know.
He’d stared into the mirror for a long time and thought that for perhaps the first time in his life, he looked like how he felt. A bit less manicured. Like the free spirit he desperately wanted to be.
So he let it grow. Parting it down the middle and loving the way it framed his face, loving how it stuck to the back of his neck when he sweated and how one time, he’d gone to a coffee shop and the barista had asked him if he was an artist. He’d bit his lip and laughed good naturedly and told them he was studying law.
“Oh! Sorry, you just look like an artist. You have that vibe.” She’d said as she handed him his iced americano.
He’d almost cried.
Which was stupid and dramatic but it was the truth.
“I can set up an appointment at the salon for you, if you’d like.” His mother said, reaching out and toying with a long strand.
Hyunjin swallowed past the lump in his throat and forced his tone into something light and friendly. “I’m an adult, mother. I can make my own appointment.” He joked.
She rolled her eyes and gave him a small smile back. “Well, make sure you do. You’re looking shaggy.” She ruffled his hair, pulling a groan from him and the obligatory whine.
She didn’t mean it to be rude. She even said it with a little smile. But if Hyunjin told her that he liked his hair long, if he told her it felt more authentic to him? She’d scoff and tell him he needed to grow up. Tell him it wouldn’t look good at an interview for an internship. Tell him he needed to look more presentable.
Which maybe that was just what parents were supposed to do as you readied yourself to enter the workforce. But she’d been telling him stuff like that since he was a kid. And this little part of Hyunjin just wished he’d had one tiny ounce of control over something. Like his hair. Like hanging a picture in his bedroom. Or his career.
Hyunjin smiled back at her, knowing she only wanted the best for him. “Do you mind if I borrow the car tomorrow?” He asked, deciding a subject change was needed. “I was going to meet Lee Know for lunch.”
His mother smiled; she’d always liked Lee Know. He was from a good family and was studying to be an engineer. A respectable career path that made good, steady money.
“Actually, I spoke to your father before he left town,” she said, walking over to the fridge. Beside it was the door to the garage and next to that was a row of hooks where the various keys to the house and cars lived. She plucked a set off the wall and walked back over. “You can use the Jaguar for the summer.” She said it so easily as if she wasn’t handing her son keys to a luxury sports car that cost nearly 6 digits. “You’ll be responsible for the maintenance though and it’s due for an oil change and tire rotation.”
He grabbed the keys and nodded in agreement. Having free access to a car for the whole summer was a relief. This meant he could get out of the house when he started to feel trapped. When he started to feel like there wasn’t enough air.
“Thank you,” he said simply as he slid the keys into his pocket, already thinking about where he should go.
“There’s a shop a few towns over that the neighbors recommended. I’ll send you the details. Please take it there before you start driving all over town.” She smirked a little when she said it but he knew she was being serious.
Ever since his parents had started allowing him to roam around town on his own as a kid, he’d taken full advantage. He would hop on his bike and ride to Lee Know’s house across town, or meet I.N. at the library so he could tutor him. Sometimes he’d go watch one of Seungmin’s baseball games or pick Han up to just cruise around the streets, the brunette standing on the back and spreading his arms wide like the carefree kid he’d always been.
And there had been one spring, where he’d ride up to the big house on the hill. To a cold, tense house with a warm sunroom. Sunshine smiles and the first colored pencils he’d ever been given. And hours upon hours of drawing on snow white printer paper and pretending that his life was going to be something magical and not mundane.
But that spring had ended.
And when no one was available, he’d just go. He’d ride and ride, wondering if he peddled far enough, if he’d fall straight off the edge of the horizon. He’d travelled every single inch of this town by bike and foot. He knew every little secret, every hole in the wall and every spot with a good view. He swore that he almost knew the fucking train schedules and the pattern of all the traffic lights.
God, one year away was not nearly enough. There wasn’t really anything wrong with this town. But something about it made him feel so utterly doomed.
He didn’t want to wish his summer away but he was already desperately craving getting back to the city. To the new cramped apartment he’d be moving into, off campus. If he didn’t think about the fact that he’d also have to get back to classes, then it sounded like a fun little adventure and Hyunjin was more than happy to delude himself into thinking he’d enjoy it.
Hyunjin disappeared back upstairs, deciding to just bite the bullet and get a bit of unpacking done. He hung his t-shirts and jackets in the closet, along with his jeans. He neatly lined up the shoes he’d brought back with him, leaving his winter boots in the suitcase.
Since he’d be moving to a new place in the fall, he’d had to move all of his belongings back with him for the summer. Which really wasn’t a lot to be honest. But it did mean that he’d had to lug those expensive, enormous law textbooks back with him. His shoulders were still feeling that one.
He shoved those over to sit on the floor, next to his desk, not terribly concerned about them. In stark contrast, he tenderly lifted a notebook out of his suitcase next. He looked over his shoulder, an old habit he’d developed over the years as he secreted away his sketchbook in his desk drawer. Next came his colored pencils, erasers, pencil sharpener and pencils for drawing, both wooden and mechanical.
His fingers itched to draw something. Maybe the odd emptiness and depersonalization of this room. Maybe a prediction for what his new apartment would look like. Maybe a self portrait to remember his long hair before his mom made him cut it all off.
But he didn’t touch them, not wanting to risk his mom walking in and seeing him drawing when he could be studying or filling out applications for internships.
Instead, he worked diligently, unpacking bits and bobs that he’d need on the daily. He plugged in his phone charger beside his bed and stocked the connected bathroom with all of his products.
With his life mostly unpacked, he surveyed the room. It was tragically underwhelming just how little of an impression he made on the place. His belongings were all so practical and necessary. He suddenly desperately wished he had a plant or something. Just a spot of color, a dash of personality.
With a groan, he felt the car keys heavy in his jean’s pocket and left the room. He’d been back for not even half a day and was already feeling claustrophobic.
Great.
He popped his head into the kitchen to let his mother know he was headed out. But she wasn’t there. So he checked the living room, the den, her study and even his father’s study, still coming up empty. He shrugged. Based on the call he’d overheard earlier, it sounded like work at their firm was busy so there was a good chance she’d gone into the office. He tried not to think about how that might be his life a decade from now.
He glanced at his phone, seeing the text his mom had sent with the shop information. Settling into the driver seat, he opened the garage door and started the engine. It purred to life, a sleek, beautiful machine even to someone who didn’t know a thing about cars. But he appreciated design and this car was immaculate.
He punched in the address to the car’s navigation system and slowly backed out of the garage. He figured he could get this errand done today so he wouldn’t have to worry about it tomorrow when he was trying to meet up with Lee Know. He was excited to see him. He’d come to visit in the spring for a rushed weekend but they’d both been busy and those two days had passed in the blink of an eye. He needed some quality time with his friend.
He drove through town, both hands on the steering wheel as he took in the familiar scenery. He felt the heavy presence of the house on the hill without even directly looking at it. He could see it out of his peripherals but he diligently ignored it otherwise.
It held too many bittersweet memories.
“Hey Bbokie,” He whispered, feeling ridiculous. But he couldn't help it. He said it every time he passed the house, like this little part of him really believed someone would say hello back. He hoped he was well, wherever he was.
God, he was fucking pathetic.
The GPS showed a nearly 30 minute drive ahead of him. The neighbor must have given this place a rave review if his mother was having him take the Jag a few towns over. So he turned on some music, enjoying the scenery. He’d always enjoyed driving so he didn’t mind a little trip. It got him wondering if perhaps he could orchestrate a real one. Maybe a weekend at the beach or something? He’d need to talk to Lee Know and see what he and Han were planning for their summers.
He slowed down as he got into town, eyes scanning for the garage that would be appearing on his right. He was surprised that his mom had suggested this shop. It wasn’t that the town was terrible or anything it was just…less affluent than she typically fancied. He errantly wondered if that’s why she’d had him take the car.
He saw the red neon sign glowing even in the warm afternoon sun. Donghae Motors. He pulled the car up to the open garage doors and put it in park. He exited, watching the way a few of the workers stopped and stared at the audaciously nice car. He couldn’t blame them but it still made him duck his head awkwardly as one of them walked up to him.
With a low whistle, the muscle bound man came over. “Damn, nice car man.” His voice was filled with awe and appreciation.
Hyunjin gave him an awkward little smile and nodded. “Thanks. It’s my parents’.” He fucking hated saying that. His hair may have made him look like some free-spirited artist but as soon as he said that line, he was right back to being some annoying nepo baby.
The guy’s smile didn’t dull though, he just shrugged like he’d expected that answer. “Well lucky you getting to drive it. What are you bringing her in for?”
“Just some basic maintenance. Oil change and tire rotation?” It came out as a question.
The bulky guy held out his hand and Hyunjin dropped the keys in his palm. “Cool. We’ll make sure to check your fluids too, make sure your wipers are good and check your tire tread, ya know, the usual stuff.” He waved it off like Hyunjin actually knew what “the usual stuff” was when it came to cars. “Head on over to the counter over there and someone will get you checked in.”
Hyunjin mumbled his thanks and walked over to the side of the garage he’d pointed to. It was a decent sized place. Four big garage doors, each one leading into an area with a lift. Seemed pretty typical to him but it’s not like he spent a lot of time in mechanic shops so he couldn’t really be sure.
“Hello?” He called as he approached. There was a small blond bent over a stack of paperwork. “I was told to check in over here?”
But the blond looked up and Hyunjin felt all the air leave the room. Maybe the planet. He wasn’t totally sure but he suddenly couldn’t breathe.
The blond froze, eyes wide like he’d just watched someone die.
Wordlessly, unmoving, they stared at each other.
Because he knew those eyes. He’d never be able to forget them. He knew how they looked covered in tears. He knew how they looked when they were squished into little crescents. He knew every little freckle and oh god, he still had his freckles.
He remembered his mom once saying that she’d had freckles growing up but they’d faded as she got older and he’d been heartbroken . Because he loved his freckles and he wanted him to have them forever.
“Bbokie?” He whispered, feeling like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. He’d said that name out loud late at night to the starry sky when he was sad and needed someone to talk to and it felt like no one understood him. He’d said it to the house on the hill for over ten years now. Hell, he’d woken up mumbling it before. But never, ever had he imagined actually saying it to the person again.
Those brown eyes blew wide as he gasped. Whisper soft but unmistakable. “J-Jinnie?”
The last time he’d heard that name, he’d been standing outside the school with him in his arms, promising him he’d always take care of him.
That little boy had smiled and cried all over him. He’d gripped Hyunjin’s hand like he’d never let it go. He had been the first person to tell him he liked his drawings. The first person to call him an artist. That little boy had wanted long hair and pink dresses and a knight in shining armor. That little boy had more freckles than the sky had stars.
And he still did.
But the man before him now wore drab, dark blue coveralls. Stained with oil, grease embedded in his cuticles. His hair was long but it was tied back securely to the point that Hyunjin couldn’t be sure just how long it actually was. Longer than his though.
But it didn't matter that he was different than he imagined. It didn’t matter that the man before him felt sort of like a mystery, sort of like a ghost. It was Bbokie.
“Your hair grew back.” Hyunjin whispered dumbly.
Felix blinked at him before blushing and turning his head down. “I uh…y-yeah.”
The garage was still filled with the sound of power tools and car engines and some generic rock radio playing but Hyunjin couldn’t hear any of that. He just saw the way Felix’s eyes flicked up to glance at him before falling back down to the counter top. His fingers, still so small, fiddled with the paperwork he’d been filling out. He wondered if they still got clammy when he got nervous.
He had so many questions, so many things he wanted to ask. What happened all those years ago? Where had he disappeared to? How had he been, where had he been? How was his mom? What about his dad? Was he still around?
Was he okay?
But he couldn’t clear his spinning mind enough to form a clear sentence. He felt like his tongue weighed a thousand pounds as he hungrily drunk in every inch of Felix’s appearance. He just couldn’t believe, after all this time and all his searching, here he was. In some random garage a few towns over. He wasn’t sure if he felt fucking angry or blessed that after all this time, he was right here.
Felix looked up, a few strands of his long blond hair escaping the bun he had it in. They were long, like he’d always wanted as a kid. A little piece of Hyunjin’s heart thumped solidly in his chest.
God, he was still the prettiest thing he’d ever seen.
Felix blinked at him a few times before he sealed a part of himself away and straightened his spine. “So what can we help you with today?”
Hyunjin stared dumbly, partly shocked at how deep his voice was and partly shocked that this was the first conversation they were having after over 10 years. “I uh…I brought my car in for an oil change and tire rotation?” He motioned behind him toward the garage and Felix seemed to zero in on the Jaguar immediately.
A flash of sadness raced through his eyes before he nodded and tapped a few things into the computer. “Okay. That should only take thirty to forty minutes. You can wait in the waiting room over to your right.” He motioned behind him to a door that led into a drab room bathed in fluorescent lighting and a T.V. blasting HGTV.
Hyunjin nodded but was unable to move his feet. It was impossible. He’d finally found him; how was he supposed to walk away?
But Felix motioned toward the door again, eyes unable to hold Hyunjin’s gaze and the taller man felt himself moving somehow.
He felt like he was in shock as he plopped down into a hard plastic chair, his body starting to shake. How the fuck was this real? He had spent years looking for him. After that day, when Bbokie had just evaporated from his life, he’d never stopped looking. He got older and social media became a thing and he’d tried every possible combination of search words to find him on every single platform. Felix, Lix, Lixie, Bbokie, Yongbok, anything he could think of. He even tried his mother’s name, Jiwon and came up completely empty. Hell, he’d even tried his dad’s name. He’d be willing to talk to him if it meant he could at least figure out what the hell happened. Just to know if Felix was safe. But he’d come up empty every time.
His friends had all told him he needed to let it go. That he needed to move on. And so he’d stopped talking about it and, at some point, he realized he’d even stopped hoping. But god, whenever he thought about it, his heart still ached like it had happened just yesterday.
Bbokie had been everything to him. Bbokie had pulled him out of his little world and shown him that there was so much more. That he could be so much more.
He’d always imagined a reunion like this to be a flood of warmth. Some kind of inexplicable joy that he’d never felt. But instead, it was terrifying. To look the unknown in the eyes and realize it is so different from what you’d imagined was an endless sort of feeling.
With trembling hands, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Lee Know’s number. He wasn’t even sure he’d be able to get words out but he had to try. But the call went through to voicemail. He disconnected immediately and sent a text instead.
Hyunjin [2:34 PM]
Lee Know, pick up your phone
He dialed again and, once again, went through to voicemail.
Hyunjin [2:35 PM]
I’m not kidding, seriously. Pick up your phone.
Lee Know [2:37 PM]
I’m busy right now. Can’t it wait until lunch tomorrow?
Hyunjin dialed again and still it went to voicemail. Goddamit, he was so fucking stubborn sometimes.
Hyunjin [2:39 PM]
No. It can’t.
Hyunjin [2:40 PM]
Lee Know, it’s Bbokie. I found him.
His phone rang almost immediately.
“I’m sorry, are you saying you found your little boyfriend from elementary school?” Lee Know said in his trademark snarky tone.
“He was not my boyfriend, ” Hyunjin hissed, looking around the empty room to make sure Felix hadn’t randomly spawned.
Lee Know just snorted at this. “Right, sorry. He was your husband, right?”
Hyunjin felt his face flush completely. Why had he wanted to talk to Lee Know again? He was really struggling to remember why they were even friends to begin with right now.
But Lee Know wasn’t truly a monster and he heard a sigh come down the line. “So,” He said quietly. Hyunjin heard a shuffling and the soft click of a door, like he was moving somewhere more private. “Where?”
Hyunjin huffed a disbelieving laugh and stood. He couldn't sit still anymore. He began to pace the empty room. In front of the T.V., past the sad little coffee maker and styrofoam cups, around the wobbly coffee table with a fake stone top and old, creased magazines scattered on top. It smelled like lemon disinfectant and the floors were a cheap laminate and god, how had Bbokie ended up here?
“Some garage a few town’s over. Donghae Motors?”
“Never heard of it.”
Hyunjin sighed. Of course he hadn’t.
“Are you sure it’s him? Like, did you talk to him?”
Hyunjin nodded resolutely even though Lee Know couldn’t see him. “Yeah, he checked me in.”
“Check…wait, what? Checked you in?” Lee Know sounded beyond confused. He could imagine the way his brow would furrow, his eyes looking judgmental when really he was just confused. “He works there?”
Hyunjin just nodded, this time not saying actual words because he didn’t have any.
“But…but he lived in the biggest house in town!” Lee Know crowed. “And what, now he’s working as a mechanic? ”
It sounded rude but Hyunjin knew exactly why he said it like that. It was perhaps the strangest thing to try to reconcile the boy they’d all known in elementary school to someone who was now working in a garage with cars. It didn’t add up.
“I guess?” Hyunjin said, feeling like everything he said came out as a question. But god, he had so many.
“Are you sure it’s him?” Lee Know asked again.
And Hyunjin didn’t even blink. “Yes. I’m sure.”
He’d know those eyes anywhere.
But he didn’t say that because that would be ridiculous. No, no, instead he said the second most ridiculous thing. “H-he…he still has his freckles.”
The phone was silent for a long beat before his friend groaned. “Oh god, you can’t be fucking serious.”
“What?” he tried to make his voice sound innocent but it somehow just made him sound more guilty.
“Don’t what me! You’re not over him at all, are you?
“I-it’s not like that!” He said, not entirely sure if he was lying. “I just…it’s him!” He felt breathless all of a sudden. Like if he didn’t take a few deep breaths, he’d pass out. He clamped his eyes shut and inhaled. Quietly, he spoke. “ He…he was my best friend, Lee Know.”
He was met with silence and then a soft sigh. “Yeah. I know, Hyunnie.” He sounded softer. Like he was trying to be gentle.
“He just disappeared one day.” His words got quieter as he spoke, his hands starting to shake again. “And I just…”
I’ve never stopped thinking about him.
But he couldn’t say that to Lee Know. Hell, he could barely admit it to himself. Because it wasn’t normal to still be so attached to your best friend from elementary school. Even if you had a crush on them. Even if they were integral to you finding yourself. Even if they were the first place to make you feel at home.
“I’ve just always wondered.” He said instead. “His hair grew back. It’s long. And blond.” He said, a little smile pulling at the corner of his lips. Because perhaps things hadn’t turned out for Felix in a way he could have ever imagined but at least he had the long hair he’d always wanted.
“Good for him.” Lee Know said, his voice sounding ever so slightly fond. “So what happened? Why did his family suddenly move out of nowhere?”
“Well I didn’t just ask! ” Hyunjin said sassily. “He’s at work, after all.”
And because Hyunjin’s soul had momentarily vacated his body and he’d lost all control over his powers of speech but whatever.
Lee Know snorted. “Like that’s ever stopped you. Did you forget that I’m at work right now?”
Oh, that’s right. Lee Know had a part-time job tutoring summer school kids. He was doing it to appease his parents as he tried to narrow down which branch of engineering he wanted to pursue. So as a trade for deferring internships this summer, he decided to add more to his resume and helping the youth always looked good on an application.
Lee Know cackled as Hyunjin sputtered out a non-answer. “Listen, we’ll talk more tomorrow. Want me to invite the rest of the group?”
“Sure.” He said. He wasn’t sure why he felt like he needed reinforcements.
The call disconnected and Hyunjin fell back into the chair. Suddenly exhausted and unable to keep up his frantic pacing.
The T.V. was still uncomfortably loud to the point the Hyunjin unearthed the remote from under the stack of water stained magazines and muted it. But then he was just enveloped in near silence, the sounds of the garage soft and muted through so many walls.
It was the ticking of the clock and the sound of his eerily silent thoughts.
Just one phrase on repeat, over and over in his head: It’s him. It’s really him.
There was so much he wanted to ask him. So much he wanted to tell him. There was just…there was so much. It was overwhelming. But Hyunjin needed to know. And more importantly, he wanted to know Felix again. And against all odds, he might actually have the opportunity to.
“Hyunjin?” A voice called out. A voice that even after only hearing briefly, Hyunjin knew wasn’t Felix’s. His eyes flicked up from his lap to find a man smiling down at him. It wasn’t the man from earlier who he’d handed his keys too but another man in those uniform blue coveralls. “You’re all set!” His smile was kind and genuine and if Hyunjin hadn’t been so fucking out of it, he would have smiled back immediately.
But he was pretty sure what he sent back looked more sick than grateful.
He followed the man to the same counter Felix had been manning earlier but the blond was nowhere to be found. Instead, the bulky man from earlier leaning back against the wall, rag trying and failing to remove the grease from the creases in his hands.
Upon seeing Hyunjin, he popped up off the wall and smiled. “Hey! That’s one beautiful car you’ve got there.” He was gazing out into the garage at the gleaming beast with fond eyes.
Hyunjin nodded and muttered a thank you.
“So, looks like Binnie here got your oil changed and tires rotated,” the other man said, eyes reading over the computer screen. “We also topped off the washer fluid and checked your battery. Everything looks good.” The man nodded as he printed a few things off. “The only thing you might want to consider getting done sooner rather than later is getting your brakes changed. They’re okay for now but depending on how much you drive, it’ll probably need to be handled by the winter.”
“Oh, okay,” He said distractedly, pretending to look at the car behind him while he was really searching for a short blond. It didn’t really matter, he’d be long gone back at school by then.
He signed a form and handed them his credit card and the entire time, he kept feeling that fucking void opening in his chest and working up the courage to finally ask. “Hey uh…where did Bbo-that guy from earlier go? The uh, the one working the counter?”
The taller guy’s brow scrunched up as his eyes flicked over to the bulky one who’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Felix? He wasn’t feeling well. He went home.” He shrugged like it was no big deal but his eyes carefully watched Hyunjin.
And Hyunjin felt that void in his chest start to scream. “Oh.” He said instead. Because what else should he say? He didn’t want them to think he was some fucking stalker but…
He’d been right here. He’d been standing right fucking there.
And he’d disappeared again.
The taller man looked between Hyunjin and his coworker and quietly handed Hyunjin his receipt. “Thank you for your business. I hope we’ll see you again sometime.”
And Hyunjin was pretty sure the normal thing to do would have been to accept defeat. To recognize this as some kind of fate and accept that this was the most closure he’d ever get. To find solace in the fact that at least Felix was alive and well.
But he couldn’t.
“Actually,” He said suddenly, whipping back around and gripping the edge of the counter. “Could I go ahead and schedule the brakes thing now?”
The man smiled and nodded, clicking around on the ancient desktop and asking, “Sure! Are there any days or times that work better for you?”
Hyunjin took a deep breath. “Do you have anything this week?”
The man gave him a look, like he wasn’t sure what the rush was but he didn’t object. He just provided him with a list of availability.
“Day after tomorrow is great.” Hyunjin said, suddenly feeling like he could breathe easier. He’d come back and he’d be prepared this time and he would ask for his number or maybe his instagram or just for like…5 minutes of his time. He’d take whatever he could get because Felix had seemed nervous. He’d almost seemed like that quiet little boy he’d met so many years ago.
“Alright, you’re all set! We’ll see you on Thursday at 2 pm.”
Hyunjin smiled and offered them a tentative wave as he turned to leave.
“Hey,”
He turned around and saw the bulky man looking at him with a furrowed brow.
“Do you and Felix like…know each other or something?”
Hyunjin froze. Had Felix said something?
He stood, rooted in his spot because how was he supposed to answer that? It wasn’t that straightforward. At least, not to him it wasn’t.
“No. Not really.”
But they had.
A long time ago in what might have been a different life. When they'd been young and tender and innocent.
He’d known Felix back when he was Bbokie.