Chapter Text
I notice the gumdrops. Not a variety of colors. Not a rainbow. They’re all a deep bloodred. I remember Snow’s rose, his final words to me, and the pieces fall into place.
“Spit it out!” I order her, cupping my hand before her mouth. “Spit it out now!”
Her face registers shock as she spits a half-chewed gumdrop into my palm. “What? It’s fine.”
“Where’s the other? Where’s the first one?” I give her a shake.
“I was going to eat it, then-”
“Throw it up! You have to get it out of your stomach!”
“–it fell and I didn’t wanna eat it off the floor.” Lenore dove says, panic lacing her features, “Why, Haymitch? What’s going on?”
This time I don’t shake her, I just firmly grab a hold of her shoulders, “You didn’t eat it?” My voice is barely a whisper, I’m not thinking right, just please please please let Lenore Dove be okay.
“I didn’t, I promise,” Lenore Dove says, removing my hands and cupping them in her own, “Is it poison?’ She asks, trembling slightly. She is trembling, shaking, but soon her body will still and she’ll die, she’ll die, i’ll die–
“Haymitch.” Lenore Dove squeezes my hands. She is here.
“Lenore Dove.” I want to say her name over and over. I want to hold her, kiss her, feel her warmth. Any second, Snow could take her away.
“It was poison,” I say, “Punishment.” For things Lenore Dove does not even know of. But she understands.
There’s a brief second where we are silent. Then I am pulling her towards me and she is pulling me too, our limbs tangled together.
Every second felt equally as precious. What were probably minutes felt like hours, and somewhere between this time I had begun crying. Lenore Dove mumbles comforts but tears spill from her own eyes.
It hits me, how ridiculously lucky we are to be here.
Soft cries turn into ugly sobs, or at least me, because even though Lenore Dove is crying so hard she’s out of breath, nothing she does could ever be ugly in my eyes.
Lenore Dove, Lenore Dove. Lenore Dove. Now I do say her name, she says mine, and when we’ve worn ourselves out, I just manage to say, “I love you like all-fire.”
“You, too.”
…
Clerk Carmine finds us, and the disapproval written all across his face couldn’t be clearer. I gently untangle myself from Lenore Dove, but our hands stay firmly clasped.
I should explain about the poison. Once I do, he’ll never let me see Lenore Dove, and for good reason. Safer that way.
Before I open my mouth, Lenore Dove gives the slightest shake of her head. Her nails dig into my hand. Does she want to tell her uncle herself? Or not at all?
“This is your idea of “five minutes to yourself?” Clerk Carmine asks with raised eyebrows. Lenore Dove shrugs, and I say, “I’m the one who went to her.”
“Is that so? Well, Lenore Dove, you go back to the house. I’ve been meaning to talk with your boyfriend anyway.” Clerk Carmine says. I give her hand one last squeeze before letting go. Lenore Dove kisses my cheek quickly before running off.
I know what her uncle wants. Stay away from Lenore Dove. I start before he does, as if this will lessen the blow.
“I know. I’m not exactly the safest person to be associated with at the moment.” I say fast.
“I’m glad you understand.” Clerk Carmine says gruffly, then sighs, “I’m sorry for you mother and brother. But it can’t happen to Lenore Dove.”
Lenore Dove, burning to death. Screaming till the fire melts her voice, her eyes, her body. My breath hitches. No. No no no no. What’s stopping Snow from setting the Covey house on fire this very second?
“-away from her. Haymitch?” Clerk Carmine was talking. About Lenore Dove. Lenore Dove. I need to find her. I have to keep her safe, I have to stay away from her.
“I– I understand. But– I just–” I need her safe. I need her with me.
“But nothing. As much as I don’t like it, you love Lenore Dove, and you know what will happen if–”
“I know! I know! Of course I know! I don’t want her to– to die. I just can’t–” Can’t be without her. The words won’t come out, I want to scream or cry or both but Clerk Carmine is in front of me and he won’t leave until I say I’ll never look Lenore Dove’s way again, and I just can’t. There’s no life for me without her.
“This isn’t about what you can or can’t do.” Clerk Camine says. I don’t think he really means to be cruel, he wants the same thing I do, really. For her to be away from harm. But right now that doesn’t matter, right now I hate him. It’s so stupid and it’s so selfish and I say it anyway.
“It doesn’t matter anyway. The President already– already tried to poison her. It’s too late, he won’t stop till she’s dead.” Or i’m dead.
“What.” Clerk Carmine sounds impossibly cold.
“Candies,” I say, my voice shaking, “Snow arranged to have her sweets poisoned, so–”
Idiot, fucking idiot. Why did I say that? What am I trying to prove? That Lenore Dove is doomed? That he shouldn’t care what's best for her because i’m too selfish to stop loving her?
I am so disgusted with myself, I want to run away, away from myself and Clerk Carmine and Lenore Dove and–
“Used up all your wits in the arena, huh, Haymitch? Look at you now.”
Maysilee. Her voice is so clear, so real I whip my head in the direction it came from, but there is nothing.
My head is spinning. I don’t see Maysilee, or Clerk Carmine either. He must’ve decided Lenore Dove couldn’t be left alone after the poison. Or maybe he was never there at all. Have I gone that crazy?
I wander aimlessly for a while. Burdock and Blair find me, I think. They’re taking me somewhere, but it’s not the direction my home is. When I ask where we’re going, they exchange some kind of look. Pity?
“We’re going to Victor’s Village, Haymitch.” Blair says.
Right. That’s where people who won the Games go. I won? Yeah. That’s why my old house burned and Ma and Sid, and Lenore Dove and her uncles will burn too. Probably Blair and Burdock. Hattie. Coal could be mined elsewhere, District 12 will go up in flames.
“You’re murdering us! You’re murdering us!”
That’s right, Lou Lou. If only I was lucky enough to die when you did.
Too late for Ma and Sid, maybe not too late for Lenore Dove and everyone. Ampert got reaped to punish Beetee but if Beetee killed himself first how would they punish him.
Easy, then. I’ll hang myself.
Wait, no. That’ll hurt Lenore Dove. I don’t want that.
Hurt her or kill her. I should’ve asked, Lenore Dove, would you rather I die or you die? I know her answer. I hate it.
The house in Victor's Village is really cold. Too cold. Blair and Burdock. Talking. Astrid. Sleeping syrup. I tell them I can’t sleep, I don’t want to look at Maysilee and Louella and Wyatt. Panache and Silka. Ampert, Wellie.
They don’t listen. I see them in my nightmares. Hate etched across their features. It could’ve been them. Why am I the survivor? They won’t stop looking at me, no matter where I go in the arena.
Even when I wake, they don’t leave.