Chapter Text
I’m not quite sure how to start this but I’ve decided to start writing down my thoughts in this journal. It’s a strange little thing that Helmholtz gave me. I suppose my first order of business should be explaining who Helmholtz is. Helmholtz is a friend I met on a visit to the College of Emotional Engineering. I was pondering my latest qualm with the Wold State and I was hoping to find some like minded individuals or, at the very least, a quiet place away from all the intolerable gazes of those at the HCC. It’s bad enough that the other Alphas question me but must the Epsilons be so stupid as to not follow direct orders from an Alpha despite their stature? I really must look into improving their conditioning. Anyway, back to Helmholtz.
He had just held a lecture on Ford knows what when he came rushing out of the room like a Helicopter on its way to the electro-magnetic golf fields. In his haste he ran into me and his papers spilled everywhere. I was upset, but after his profuse apology I graciously began to help him pick up his work. It was then that I spotted a curious piece of writing. It appeared to be the beginnings of an essay on the plight of the individual. If true, this unfordly writing could be just what I was seeking. He began to thank me for my help when he noticed the paper I was staring at. He quickly became a flustered mess before I quelled his panic. I explained that I, too, had questioned my role in the society and that we were lucky to find each other. He seemed quite excited at the thought of having a comrade to discuss these things with. He quickly scribbled down his name and contact information, instructing me to call him later that evening, before rushing off.
I waited till about 7:30 before contacting Helmholtz. I was very busy, you see. It seemed as soon as I punched in the numbers he picked up, the phone could not have rung more than once. It seemed he was very eager to talk to me but I wisely informed him that any calls we made could be monitored. I then suggested that we meet at one of our apartments. After a bit of discussion I offered up my apartment as the rendezvous for our unfordly activities. We hung up and I waited patiently for his arrival, busying myself with that day's paper. Once he arrived he was bursting at the seams with excitement. If he were any less athletic he probably would have been panting with the extension of his travel. After inviting him in, the memory becomes hard to describe. So much and yet so little happened that night. We must have spent hours talking, each thrilled by the feeling of true understanding between two individuals, not just two cells in the same social organism. It was an incredible start to what I could tell would be a powerful companionship.
Notes:
Song for this chapter. Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now by The Smiths
The scrap book has a cutout of Helmholtz writing "call me -H.W." with his phone number on it. There is also a pamphlet from the theater production Young Tramps. It's captioned "A pamphlet from a performance Helmholtz & I attended"
Chapter Text
There’s a beta girl who has caught my eye recently. I believe her name is Lenina. She’s an attractive girl although quite pneumatic. She also has a habit of only seeing one man for months at a time. Perhaps she is also dissatisfied with the status quo.
I want to start seeing her but I have been unable to get her alone to ask. I mean really, is it that hard to find a bit of privacy? I’ve been wanting to visit the Pueblo savage reservation for quite some time. Perhaps I’ll invite Lenina.
I asked Lenina to New Mexico. She hasn’t decided if she’ll go yet. I feel so anxious. How could she keep me waiting like this? If I was Helmholtz she wouldn’t treat me this way. I will remain patient as I await her reply.
Lenina has finally accepted my offer to visit the Savage Reservation. After she kept me waiting so long, I was beginning to lose hope. However, I am a bit upset with how she went about accepting my offer. I mean really, must she announce it in earshot of half the HCC? I truly must be the only person with any shame in this damned country. At any rate, I think Lenina and I will have a good time together. I mean she can’t be worse than a solidarity service. I never feel anything at those stupid things.
Lenina and I went out tonight. I tried to show her my favorite place to be alone. She just kept harping about how horrible it was and how she wanted to leave. I suppose she really isn’t that dissatisfied with how things are. That night we both took some blasted soma and had each other. I wish we hadn’t. I wanted to wait, Helmholtz and I are experimenting with delayed gratification. When I tried expressing this to Lenina she couldn’t comprehend it. She really is pneumatic.
Notes:
Chapter song
Why Bother by WeezerThe book contains 2 dates using the calendar format from the book. Specifically 16/4 632 A.F. and 5/5 632 A.F. The day before the month because they're british and A.F. standing for After Ford.
Under the entry about the solidarity service is a black and white image from a seance. Everyone is holding hands and the woman in the center has "ectoplasm" covering her head/face.
Finally there is a picture of a moonlit beach under the 3rd entry.
Chapter Text
I met someone very interesting today. Lenina and I were on our vacation to the savage reservation and witnessed the most beastly of displays. It was a group of Indians performing some sort of ritual. There was whipping and chanting and the whole ordeal distressed Lenina quite a bit. Thank Ford she had me there to comfort her or she would have been completely hysteric. After the Indians departed, there was a mysterious man. He looked to be an alpha with auburn hair and blue eyes, except for his attire. For you see, he was dressed head to toe in Indian garb. He approached us asking, in perfect English, if we were civilized and came from “the Other Place”. The strange man then went on to explain how he should have been the one to be whipped! I couldn’t believe it. Who in their right mind makes a fuss about not being whipped?
We followed the young man, whose name is John, to a house where he and his mother caretaker Linda live. What a revolting creature Linda is. I cannot even bear to describe it. However, Linda will prove to be quite useful. You see, before I was to depart on my trip to the Savage Reservation, I had an audience with the director of the HCC so that he could sign the necessary paperwork. I had, of course, already gotten approval from Mustafa Mond so the director could not refuse. While I was there he started reminiscing about some Beta woman who got lost at the Reservation some twenty years ago. It is my belief that Linda is this woman and that John is the viviparous son of the Director. If I bring this information back to London, the Director will have no choice but to beg me for forgiveness.
John and I got to talking outside, away from Linda. John explained his life to me, it all seemed terribly lonesome. I must say, I didn’t think there could be anyone else in the whole world who understood that feeling. But John does. I think we’re connected in that way. However strange he may be, he understands me in a way Helmholtz never could.
We’ve reached an agreement about him coming back to London with Lenina and I. He wants to bring Linda along and while I hesitated at first, I think her nature will give those in London quite the shock, I agreed to let her come with us. John seems very hopeful about the whole thing. He started shouting about some brave new world once I agreed to take him. It must be something he read in those strange books of his. I think those in London will be fascinated by him and his savage ways. I will certainly gain notoriety for my discovery. This is a brave new world indeed.
Notes:
Chapter songs
Creep by Radiohead and The Good Life by Weezer
Chapter Text
I am finally receiving what I am owed.
After enduring the hell that has been my life, people have finally recognized my value. It’s all thanks to my brilliant idea to bring John and Linda to London. When I arrived, the former director tried to have me shipped to Iceland. He had threatened before but could not as the HCC couldn’t afford to lose me. This time when he threatened, I brought in John and Linda. What a splendid performance it was! Not even Helmholtz could have written it better and definitely not those trashy feelies writers. Linda gave a disgusting display and even tried to flirt with the director. I could barely contain myself. She really has no self awareness. John was almost worse. As soon as he saw the director he dropped to his knees and started calling the Director “Father”. Everyone couldn’t help but to laugh at the display. The director was so ashamed that he turned in his resignation before days end. I will surely remember this triumph until I am dead.
I haven’t been writing much lately. I have been busy you see, everyone wants to meet John, or “Mr. Savage” as they’ve come to call him. Because I am so gracious, I have begun arranging parties where people can meet Mr. Savage. Not just anyone can receive an invitation though, so they’ve taken to begging me. All I have to do is wave the idea of an invite and they start behaving like loyal epsilons. The men are scrounging up whatever favors they can to please me and women are flocking to me in such large droves that I am giving Helmholtz a run for his money. The best part is, they are finally listening to what I have to say. They sit quietly and reverently while I enlighten them about the truths of our society. These talks are going so well that I have even begun writing to Mustafa Mond about it in my reports on John. Surely a man as accomplished as him can see the value in what I have to say.
Tonight was a total disaster. John refused to come out of his room for the party even though I told him the Arch-Community Songster would be attending. As soon as I told everyone about John they all turned on me and promptly left. I have never seen a room empty so fast. For the first time in months I have been confronted with how everyone truly views me. Was it too much to hope that they might actually respect me? I’m tired of all this.
Notes:
Chapter song,
Pretty Fly (For A White Guy) by The OffspringThere's a black and white photo of a new years party as well as the invitation to Bernard's final party.
Chapter 5: Exile
Notes:
Last chapter whoop whoop
Let me know if there are any errors. Especially with the formatting.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Well life is splendid, just splendid! I am being sarcastic of course because things are anything but! I’m writing from the inside of an interrogation room. Helmholtz and John are with me and Helmholtz keeps looking over at me like he’s got something to say. For fords sake I wish he would just spit it out or leave me alone. It’s his fault I’m even in this mess. Well his and Johns. However one must expect the unexpected when it comes to John, after all he has never received conditioning. But Helmholtz has no such excuse.
It all started when Helmholtz got a call from a friend of his saying that Mr. Savage was causing a fuss. Helmholtz and I rushed over to find John yelling like a madman at some Deltas and dumping handfuls of soma out a window. The Deltas had gone mad trying to get their soma back and were attacking John. Helmholtz the madman, rushed in and began helping John throw out the soma and fight off the Deltas! After a bit, the police showed up and instead of arresting those blasted Deltas, they took John and Helmholtz. They asked if I was associated with the two of them, and of course I couldn’t deny it. I’m John's guardian for Ford's sake. Then they took me as well. I’ve been in a justifiably foul mood ever since.
Helmholtz and I are to be banished to an Island. I’m told Helmholtz chose the Falkland Islands for us. I can’t imagine why he chose such a foul place but I suppose it could be worse. At least we’re together. As selfish as it may seem, I am glad that Helmholtz and I are sharing this punishment. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to brave this alone. We’re going to say goodbye to John before we leave. This will probably be the last we hear of each other unless John manages to get himself banished. Though I doubt that will happen, Mustafa Mond is very invested in John staying in London. I feel terrible for how I’ve behaved recently. I hope John can forgive me before we leave.
Notes:
Chapter song is Me and My Husband by Mitski
There's a black and white photo of 2 men labeled "Helmholtz & I at the Island" along with a silver shell charm and a stamp for the Falkland Islands
bigpapihiko on Chapter 1 Thu 04 Sep 2025 01:02AM UTC
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