End of Beginning

by angelsmalec

Summary:

Once Alec realized he hadn’t just yelled at him, but warned him, he forced himself to breathe more slowly. Magnus wasn’t yelling at him. Magnus was upset. He needed comfort. Alec would provide that comfort, after getting his slippers.

Notes:

hiii omggg updating twice in less than a week, wild. someone asked for this in the comments of my last one-shot, so if yall have any requests, I'll listen :]

Alec was asleep on the sofa. He had Chairman Meow on his chest, sleeping as well. He had been waiting for his boyfriend to come back home, but he had fallen asleep. As weird as it could sound, he loved falling asleep without intending to, because it meant he was so exhausted he wouldn’t dream.

Magnus was careful to open the door. It was past midnight, he had just come back from work. He rubbed his eyes, trying to stop crying. He sniffled, closing the front door behind himself. It woke Chairman Meow, who jumped off Alec and went to Magnus.

The cat-eyed man smiled at his cat, taking him into his arms as he cried as silently as he could. He didn’t want to wake Alec up. He could already see he was asleep on the sofa. Magnus hung his jacket and took his boots off.

He went to the kitchen to pour himself a drink. Chairman didn’t leave him. He stayed with him, sitting on the kitchen counter and watching as his owner downed his drink with a couple of gulps.

Magnus’ hands were shaking while he drank some more, until his glass fell, shattering on the floor. He hissed in pain, shards of glass cutting his bare feet.

“Fuck!”

Alec heard something breaking, glass probably, followed by a yell. He woke up immediately, with his anxiety levels rising to the top at a quick pace. Was his father there? He sat up on the sofa and looked around, breathing fast.

Robert wasn’t there. Magnus was, though, and he was crying in the kitchen. It was the first time Alec saw him crying for no reason. He felt his chest tighten. He stood up, rubbing the sleep off his eyes, and went to the kitchen.

“M—Magnus?” He whispered, “Are you o—okay-…?”

“Wait!” Magnus said, rather loudly. It made Alec flinch and immediately step back. “Th—There’s… glass a—all over the floor.” He said, trying to keep the tears at bay. He didn’t want Alec to see him cry. He was supposed to be strong for his boyfriend.

Once Alec realized he hadn’t just yelled at him, but warned him, he forced himself to breathe more slowly. Magnus wasn’t yelling at him. Magnus was upset. He needed comfort. Alec would provide that comfort, after getting his slippers.

Alec came back a minute later, wearing his slippers and with Magnus’ in hand. He handed them to his boyfriend and reached out a hand for him to take and walk out of the kitchen. He saw the bottle of vodka on the counter. Had Magnus been drinking?

Alec took their first aid kit and made Magnus sit down on the sofa. He took his slippers off and started gently pulling out the small shards of glass in Magnus’ feet with tweezers. He had done this a lot of times in his life. Robert’s habit of finishing a bottle of alcohol and then smashing it on the floor was something he’d had to go through way too many times.

Magnus lay on the sofa, crying softly, not because of the physical pain, though. He let Alec take care of his feet in silence. He felt like he needed this pain. He was so done with everything.

The blue-eyed man rubbed Magnus’ ankles gently with one hand, trying to soothe his crying boyfriend. He had no idea what had happened that had upset Magnus, but he would try to help him anyway.

Alec put some plasters on Magnus’ feet, where the biggest shards had cut into his skin. He didn’t like seeing cuts in his boyfriend’s body. He was trying to stop his self-harming tendencies, so he felt his stomach tighten at the sight of those clear cuts.

He felt something, though, something not so bad, while covering them up and taking care of them. It was a bit healing, more for himself than for Magnus. Once he was done, he rubbed Magnus’ feet a little, trying to think of what to say. What did Magnus do when he wasn’t okay? He asked him what had upset him. He should do that. If he knew what had made Magnus feel like that, he could help him with it.

“Do y—you want t—to talk about what happened?” He tried.

At first, Magnus shook his head. However, two seconds later he was nodding with tears in his eyes, as a small sob escaped from his lips. Alec was trying to remember what Magnus did for him whenever he was upset, and the first thing that came to his mind was how his boyfriend hugged him all the time, if Alec let him.

“D—Do you want a—a hug?”

Magnus nodded again. The blue-eyed man was quick to move, because he hated seeing Magnus upset and if a hug helped him, he would give him one. Feeling Magnus shake with sobs, Alec carefully sat down on his lap and wrapped his arms around him.

Alec felt Magnus bury his face on his shoulder. Tears were stinging in Alec’s eyes, hearing his boyfriend cry like that. It was distressing to see Magnus so upset.

“It—It’s okay,” he mumbled, his cheek pressed against Magnus’ hair, “y—you’re okay.”

The cat-eyed man always knew how to comfort Alec. However, Alec had never really seen Magnus like this and it was awful to have to hear him sob brokenly. He wasn’t sure how to comfort him, but he would try his best.

They stayed a few minutes there, hugging and with Magnus crying while Alec reassured him that everything was all right, every now and then.

It was when Alec felt Magnus pull away that he moved, too. Staring down at his tearful boyfriend, he awkwardly moved his hands to his face, cupping his cheeks just like Magnus had done with him many times before.

“W—What happened?”

With his lower lip trembling, Magnus shook his head. He let his fall on Alec’s chest and gave one last sob, before finally speaking.

“You remember Raj?”

Alec hummed in agreement. He recalled hearing about Magnus’ new colleague some weeks ago. Sliding his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair, he listened in silence.

“H—He fucking humiliated me in front of my boss, today.” He let out a quiet sob.

“W—Why?”

“I don’t know.” Magnus sniffled. He hated his new colleague. Magnus had been working with him for nearly three weeks and he couldn’t do it anymore. He got on his nerves every single day and to top it all off, he had publicly embarrassed Magnus for no reason whatsoever.

“Oh…” was all Alec said, unsure of what to say next. He buried his face on his boyfriend’s silky hair and pressed a kiss there. “‘m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Magnus mumbled, sniffling low. He hated breaking down in front of Alec like that, but he couldn’t handle it anymore. He had cried during the drive back home and all he had thought about had been getting something to drink.

He had drunk now, though, but he didn’t feel any better. Actually, he did feel slightly better but that was because he was in a warm hug, which he also craved.

“Jus’ hate being treated like that.” Magnus added. A couple of tears rolled down his cheeks and he sniffled again, trying to keep the tears in.

Alec didn’t know what to say. Was he supposed to ask Magnus what had happened? Was he supposed to stay silent and simply comfort him? Was he supposed to say something else?

He had no idea.

“What c—can I—I do?”

There was a silent pause, during which Alec thought he had messed up and said the wrong thing. Right when he was about to apologize and take back his words, his boyfriend spoke.

“Nothing, really.” Magnus muttered, rubbing Alec’s lower back with his thumbs. “I just needed someone t—to listen. Be here for me, which you’re doing, already.”

The cat-eyed man looked up at Alec, just to see that he was looking down at him, too. Alec couldn’t help himself. He had been comforted by Magnus many times, so he knew what to do when he saw Magnus’ tear-streaked cheeks.

With his hand on his cheek, he gently wiped off the tears and gave him a small smile, in an attempt to comfort him wordlessly.

Alec was relieved to see that Magnus smiled back at him, even if his eyes were still shining with unshed tears.

“You okay?” Alec mumbled, stroking his cheekbone with his thumb.

“Not really.” The cat-eyed man admitted, “but you’re good at this, so I feel better than before.” He chuckled softly, before sniffling and burying his face back in Alec’s clothed chest.

Slightly red but content, Alec let his head fall on top of Magnus’ as his arms wrapped around him. He had no idea of what he was doing, but if his boyfriend was happy with it, he was happy as well.

Alec didn’t notice for a while, but Magnus fell asleep in his arms. It wasn’t until he heard soft snores coming from him, that he didn’t realize his boyfriend was sleeping. He petted Magnus’ hair distractedly, wondering what time it was.

His day had been normal. He had been yearning for Magnus to come back home, though. For the sole reason of feeling his warmth and gentleness. Alec missed Magnus greatly, during those days where he spent the entirety of his day working in the office.

He wondered what exactly had happened to Magnus with Raj, to make him break down like that. Magnus was very emotional and Alec knew that, so he had seen Magnus cry countless times; most of them because of movies or sad media.

He had never seen Magnus crying because of work. He had always managed that well, so Alec had never once seen him breaking down as a consequence of work or his colleagues.

It was true, though, that his boyfriend had been a bit on edge those past weeks. Alec couldn’t help but notice that it was the same span of time Raj had been in the company Magnus worked for.

Was Raj harassing Magnus at work? If he had humiliated him in front of their boss, who knew what else he might be doing?

Alec wished he could do something. He wanted to help Magnus just like his boyfriend helped him with everything he needed. However, he didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t just… call the company and ask for Raj to be fired.

He could comfort Magnus, though. And the cat-eyed man had told him he was happy with what he was doing, so he must be doing something right. Alec nodded to himself.

Without a word, he slowly lay down next to Magnus on the sofa, never once letting go of him. He had always liked it when his boyfriend held him while he slept, so he supposed Magnus would also like it if he did that.

Soon enough, Alec was sleeping all cuddled up, squished between the sofa and Magnus, holding his exhausted boyfriend. Chairman Meow was quick to find his way to his owners and fall asleep with them.

It was a peaceful night. Only their snores were heard in the apartment. Not even Alec’s loud nightmares woke him up, for once.

It wasn’t until the next morning that Magnus didn’t wake up. Confused as to why he was on the sofa, for the first three seconds, he noticed Alec asleep right next to him, on the sofa. His mouth was slightly open.

His head fell back against the cushion of the sofa and he sighed. Thank God for the weekends. He couldn’t have gone to work today. The thought of seeing Raj, and his boss, after his public humiliation at work was truly upsetting.

He didn’t want to be upset again.

Glancing back down at Alec, he couldn’t help but kiss his forehead lovingly.

Who knew what kind of day Alec had had, yet he had still comforted Magnus at the sight of his crying boyfriend. He wondered if Alec had been well enough to handle Magnus’ emotions.

He would apologize to him once he woke up. Magnus hoped he hadn’t overwhelmed him too much.

It took a while for Alec to wake up, but Magnus didn’t really have anything better to do than staying there, all cuddled up with his boyfriend, so he waited.

“Good morning,” Magnus chuckled softly, seeing Alec’s confused eyes look around, not recognizing where he was at first. “We’re on the sofa.”

“Oh…”

Giving Alec’s body a gentle squeeze, he booped Alec’s nose when his boyfriend finally looked up.

“Are you okay?”

Nodding, Alec buried his face back on the comfortable cushion.

“Y—You?”

A bit embarrassed, Magnus also nodded as he hummed in agreement. He really hoped he hadn’t overwhelmed Alec.

“I’m sorry,” Magnus blurted out, “about yesterday.”

Now, Alec did look up. There was a frown on his face and, despite his still reddened eyes, he looked confused.

“Why are y—you apologizing?” He mumbled, with a raspy voice, rubbing the sleep off his eyes.

“I didn’t mean to get in here like that, crying and… that.” He whispered, obviously embarrassed.

Alec, more confused than before, shook his head.

“B—But… Magnus, I—I always cry. You c—can cry, too.” He stated; as stupid as it could sound, to Alec it made all the sense in the world. “You’re allowed, t—too.”

Magnus gave a shrug, though.

“I just didn’t want to overwhelm you, Alexander.”

“You—... no, Magnus, y—you didn’t. I—I was fine. I—I’m fine.”

“I’m still sorry, though.”

Alec shook his head. He wasn’t going to accept an unneeded apology. Magnus didn’t have to apologize. He had done nothing wrong. If Alec apologized, which he did, for every time he cried or had a breakdown, he would be apologizing to this day.

“Y—You always t—tell me not t—to apologize for c—crying.”

“I do.” Magnus agreed with a nod. “But I know you have a hard time dealing with your own emotions, so I thought maybe by… by dumping mine on to you would overwhelm you.”

Alec had to shake his head again, though. Magnus’ words were not true.

“N—No,” he muttered, “it’s, um… easier t—to deal with someone else’s s—stuff.” He admitted. “It’s my s—stuff I c—can’t handle.”

Magnus stared at him for some seconds, as if he were trying to see if Alec was telling the truth or not. He decided he was, because Alec wasn’t one to lie and because he knew he had to trust Alec. He trusted Alec.

“I trust you.” He verbalized, “just… please, please, tell me if you’re not well enough to handle me, okay?”

“Magnus!” Alec exclaimed, “I—I love you. I c—can handle you. Always. You always, um, handle me. A—And I c—can with you, t—too.” He blushed.

A small smile formed on Magnus’ face, even if Alec’s words were hard for him to believe. Alec wasn’t the only one with baggage in their relationship. Magnus had had complicated situations before Alec, as well. He had his own insecurities and he knew he should voice them to improve his relationship with Alec.

It was Magnus’ insecurities that had caused him to break down like that, right after being embarrassed by Raj in front of their boss. His mind had dragged him back to high school, where he had been laughed at for absolutely everything he did and said.

Usually, Magnus did know how to handle himself. Those past weeks, though, had been extra stressful and he had lost himself a little bit, because of work.

He hadn’t spoken much about it with Alec because he hadn’t wanted to overwhelm him. However, it seemed like Alec wanted to listen. And if he wanted to listen and felt ready to hear about Magnus’ work problems, who was Magnus to say no to that?

Snapping out of his thoughts, Magnus saw Alec looking at him, almost worriedly.

He chuckled low and leaned in to press a kiss on the tip of Alec’s nose.

“I love you.” He whispered truthfully.

Alec, with reddened cheeks, gave a small giggle when Magnus grabbed his face and pressed a big kiss on his forehead. He loved Magnus more than anything and anyone he had ever known.

“Love you, t—too.”

Notes:

hurt magnus was waaaaaaaaaaaaay overdue xD I have more angst for magnus, just kinda forgot about it HAHAHAHAH anyway jsjsjsj i know this isnt the best, but im so used to writing hurt alec, that its so hard to write the caretaker (aka Magnus) as the upset one hahaha

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 30 of Painful Love