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It was inevitable, falling in love with Emily Prentiss. From the moment you’ve joined the team, there was this invisible magnetic field that was pulling you towards her constantly. Maybe it was that silky raven hair that you wished you could run your fingers through, or those deep brown eyes with long eyelashes that you tried to not stare into every time she wasn’t paying attention to you. Maybe it was her beautiful nose or those perfect, kissable lips, that were even harder not to stare at. As time passed, more reasons added to the list: the teasing attitude whenever you were spending time together, the kindness and vulnerability that were kept behind her stoic façade, the way her mind worked during every case.
Emily Prentiss was just so mesmerising in every sense of the word.
So you couldn’t even fight the butterflies in your stomach once they started appearing, little by little, during every interaction. Or the way your heart rate would slightly pick up. Or how you couldn’t stop the rosyness of your cheeks whenever she would make a remark on you.
If you wouldn’t have worked in a team of profilers, you could’ve clinged to the hope of her not figuring out. But pretty soon, when the teasing started coming from everyone in the team, you knew that chance was out the window.
That’s when nighttime started becoming heavier, filled with one hundred thoughts per second. Emily was your best friend, and her teasing demeanor was a part of herself, not something meant that was only meant for you. Maybe she didn’t like you that way, and you would just end up embarrassing yourself in front of her. Maybe it was better to keep your feelings hidden, instead of paying the price of your connection drifting apart. Maybe you should save the hurt to yourself instead of destroying one of the few good things you had in life.
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
But the “what ifs” were swirling through your head at the same time, the small but dangerously optimistic part of you grasping onto the possibility that maybe your feelings could be reciprocated, that you could be the one person she finds both love and friendship in.
Oh, how much you would give for that to happen.
__
It started to take a toll on you, the spiralling and overthinking. You didn’t have the energy in you to respond to her little comments or smalltalk, instead becoming more isolated and withdrawn, hoping that you could cage the feeling inside your body until it would disappear. Instead, it just grew within, ready to burst at any moment like a ticking bomb. But it still felt better than the alternative of a possible rejection.
One day though, Emily had enough of you pulling away from her, having a nagging, desperate feeling in her chest to fix whatever was causing you pain. So, during a lunch break, she grabbed you by the arm and went to an empty conference room, closing the door behind her.
That was when your heart started racing again.
“Look, I know something’s going on, okay? You can talk to me, y/n, you know that. I miss you…I miss my best friend”.
God, that word shouldn’t cause your heart to sting so much. That’s what you were, wasn’t it?
”It’s no-“
”No, it’s not nothing”, she interrupted you, her voice giving out how upset she actually was, “Please, I’m here for you, okay? Whatever it is, I can help.”
You almost laughed at that, a bitter feeling sinking into your stomach, “I’m okay, Em. I promise”.
You weren’t certain that your eyes were cooperating with your words, as you immediately noticed the furrow of her eyebrows and the heartbreaking concern in her gaze, causing you to look away. You knew it wouldn’t be long before you crumpled under her gaze, no more words needed to be spoken in order for the truth to surge out before you could even stop it.
“I’m not okay”, you whispered, daring to look up at her with the slightest hint of hope, “I haven’t slept well in weeks, everything is becoming too much and I can’t…handle it anymore.”
”Everything?”
”You”, your voice finally blurted out, the heaviness in your soul lifting up for a moment, “I’m falling in love with you, Emily. I knew it from the moment I met you, there was this feeling that sat right in my chest, but I didn’t say anything out of fear. But I can’t…I can’t pretend anymore, that you’re not the one person I want to spend my time with every single day, that I don’t imagine us cooking together or watching movies on my couch or going to sleep in the same bed…”
Her own eyes widened, her heart sinking and fluttering at the same time from your confession. She couldn’t…no. Those words that she was aching to hear for so long, that sounded so perfect coming from your lips caused her walls to build right up, her first instinct of panic being to push you away before you could truly see behind the friendship. Behind the smiles and teasing and small comments, behind the little thoughtful gestures and nights spent sharing a bed after a get together with JJ and Penelope, which always ended up with talking until sunrise. Behind everything, it was her, and she couldn’t let you see that, couldn’t bring you down with her deep-seated problems.
It would be selfish of her to bring you into her world when your soul was shining so bright.
”I…we can’t”, her voice wavered, every word hurting a tiny more as she spoke, “You are so amazing, y/n, but I just…I don’t feel the same way. I’m sorry.”
You bit your tongue at her apologising tone, trying to keep the tears at bay in order to not embarrass yourself furthermore. The pain was spreading rapidly in every inch of your body, the look of pure sadness in her eyes fueling your despair. You wanted to protest, wanted to give her dozens of examples which would prove the opposite of her words, but the white flag was already hanging onto your back, covering the anger like a heavy blanket, leaving you empty and hopeless.
But you couldn’t be mad at her. After all, she couldn’t control her feelings, couldn’t force herself to love you back. What was even there to love, anyway?
So you just had to pretend that it wasn’t destroying you.
”Oh, okay”, you finally responded, acting like your heart wasn’t in a million pieces on the floor, “I’m sorry…let’s just forget that I said anything”, you muttered as you made your way out of the room, not being able to control the tears anymore, but you’d be damned if you cried in front of her.
“No, y/n, please”, Emily turned after you, but stopped in her tracks as the door shut closed, knowing that she’s the last person you’d want to spend any more time with right now.
She blinked away her own tears as well, her tough façade crumbling at the thought of letting go of the one person she loves the most.
It’s for the best, Emily tried to convince herself.
But was it, really?
__
Days passed in a blur, the awkward tension between the two of you obvious to the rest of the team, but none dared to ask what happened. Cases worked wonderfully as a distraction, every time being paired with anyone but Emily. Nights were still the worst, cursing yourself for ruining the most amazing friendship you’ve ever had with someone. Or whatever that was, you still weren’t sure. The uncertainty crept over you like a shadow, wondering if it will ever get better and how long you’ll be able to work in the same team as her.
Stupid, believing that there was a good ending in this.
__
One case in particular was the definition of disaster. You knew it was plotted long before, your eyes widening as soon as you heard the words “y/n, you and Prentiss will go to the crime scene”. Well, your heart stopped after “you and Prentiss”, followed by an awkward gaze towards her way, discovering an equally shocked look, almost ready to protest.
But she didn’t. And you didn’t either.
That didn’t stop you going from radio silence to arguing during the course of the case, each second spent together bringing you further apart. Disaster.
__
You could feel your heart leaping in your chest as you slowly approached a seemingly abandoned house, isolated from society. Glock in your hand, steps lighter than a cat’s, your eyes analyzed every single detail about it. The open field made you feel vulnerable, despite the rest of the team being right there, approaching from different angles. Emily was with you still, almost trying to be the one walking in front, but you never let her.
Thump thump thump.
And then you saw it, heart stopping in your chest as a figure appeared in front of the window, gun in hand. Time seemed to still as your instinct screamed to move in front of her, to do anything as long as she’ll be okay.
So you did just that, before Emily realized what was happening, you quickly moved in front of her before loud noises erupted from the house and disturbed the silent nature. A second later you felt them in your vest, then you fell on the ground, realizing that it was not just that.
”y/n!”, the voice was desperate, tinged with fear. You looked up, seeing Emily already at your leg, trying to stop the bleeding.
It was the first time you ever saw Emily Prentiss scared.
”Fuck, why is it so much blood? No, no, no…I need a medic right now!”, she almost screamed through her radio, panic gripping her entire being. Her fingers were white from the pressure that she was applying, but the voice in her head was constantly saying “not enough, not enough”.
She dared to look at your face, almost nauseous from how pale you were. No, she couldn’t lose you, not like this, not ever. This wasn’t supposed to happen.
”You idiot!”, she choked on a sob, “why did you do that?! I can protect myself!”
Wasn’t it obvious, though? You were willing to do anything for her.
“I…l’ve you”, you managed to whisper, for a moment not entirely sure that it was loud enough. And then you saw the tears freefalling on her beautiful cheeks, confirming it.
”No, don’t do this to me. You need to hold on, okay? Or I swear I will kick your ass”, the usual teasing voice was replaced with a whimper, “please just don’t go. Don’t close your eyes, look at me”.
You tried your best to fight against the dark corners of your eyes that were slowly advancing on your vision, but it was a losing battle from the start. And for one last time, you allowed yourself to be selfish, blurting out the only wish you had on your mind.
”Kiss me”.
Emily could feel her heart breaking completely at your muffled words tinged with pain, the finality in your request instinctively making her protest, refusing to believe that it’s the last moment she was ever going to spend with you.
Where was that goddamn ambulance?! Please!
As she kept pressing on the wound, her hands long painted red, the answer was out before she even registered it, with the softest voice possible.
”Okay…”.
You could barely feel it, the moment her lips touched yours, but it was there, delicate, fearful, filled with longing - and it was still the most perfect kiss you’ve ever had. It was like all the pain faded away, as if the world allowed just for one moment for everything to be okay.
“I can see the ambulance! Hold on, please…I…I love you too. I need you here”, she pleaded to you, her vision blurred with tears.
But everything went black.
__
Senses came back to you little by little. First, it was the hearing, the constant beeping of something in the room. Then, the feeling - an agonizing headache crippling all through your head. But also something softer, warmer, at the end of your right hand. You moved your fingers a bit, slowly recognizing that it’s someone’s hand.
A gasp echoed through the room before you had to guess whose it was, the too familiar voice balming over you like a warm blanket.
”y/n? I’m here, it’s okay…”, she squeezed your hand, her heart fluttering with hope after days of standing in the same spot, wishing nothing more than to see those perfect eyes open.
You let out a groan at the sudden light, causing the headache to intensify a bit. Still, nothing too unbearable, not when Emily was right there, as beautiful as ever, holding your hand.
”Hi…”, she breathed out relieved, smiling for the first time in what felt like forever.
”Hi…”, you whispered back, returning a smaller smile.
Silence. Not the one either of you were used to lately, but the comforting one, when the other person’s presence was enough to make everything else okay.
”Don’t ever do that again”, she broke the silence, her voice fully serious.
”Why not? Got myself a kiss…not complaining”, you tried to lighten up the mood despite the circumstance.
Looking closely, there was a small tinge of pink on her cheeks, your smile widening.
”Well I am complaining! We don’t need a life and death situation for that to happen…”, her voice lowered down through the end, fearful of the implications of what she was admitting.
“What do you mean?”, it took you a moment to process, almost not believing her words.
The silent battle in her mind was clearly visible through her eyes, but you waited until she was ready to talk, the monitor in the corner showing your slightly increased heart-rate.
”I…I love you, y/n. I’ve loved you from the beginning, but I was scared. Scared of what it meant if I said it out loud, of you seeing me as me. It was easier to shut everything out”.
”Idiot”, you interfered, though the smile on your face confirmed the lack of any negative feelings.
She chuckled in response. The most beautiful sound in the world.
”I know, I know. But I don’t want to have any regrets, not when it comes to you, y/n”, she squeezed your hand again.
”Then kiss me again”.
”With pleasure”, she murmured, approaching your face, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear before lowering herself, her lips gently touching your as she poured all her love into it, moving in sync with yours.
Maybe there was a happy ending out there written for you too.