Chapter Text
A week of bickering and childish squabbles was finally over. Roderich was never one to enjoy world meetings in the first place, but having to host, in Madrid, with his husband’s eleventh hour appearance only seemed to cast an even darker shadow on the event as a whole. Now, though, all that remained was the ball to mark the end of the affair. Then Roderich would finally see his husband in private. He had hoped Antonio would have spent more time with him outside of the public eye, but Antonio seemed to have better things to do. Arthur, he suspected. There was no telling what Antonio thought was more important than his husband and family after a near year’s separation. Sometimes he couldn’t help but wonder if Antonio was happier without. Sometimes Roderich wondered what happened to the Antonio he married: happy and loving. Really, he knew what happened, but he always wished there to be something more than a difference in God that made him so absent.
After walking in, Feliciano and Lovino trailing behind like the princes they were, Antonio disappeared. I must make my rounds, no, mi amor? He had said, knowing it would be impossible for Roderich to argue against. Antonio could have at least brought him along, a warm hand wrapped around his waist. He would have been happy to stand silently next to his husband, seen but not heard, if it meant being near. Roderich danced and drank and talked until he couldn’t ignore Antonio’s lingering touches and near nibbling on Arthur’s ear any longer.
“Disgusting,” Roderich muttered.
“Who?” Johann asked, two glasses of wine in hand. He looked handsome dressed in navy with gold trimmings that seemed to make the cool tones of his eyes and hair warm. Roderich absently wondered if silver would make Johann look like Albrecht.
“Anton.” He took the glass without thanks. “Look at him. Does he think I don’t see him? That Felici and Lovi don’t see? That the fucking continent doesn’t see?”
Johann couldn’t seem to help the blatant rage flashing in his eyes. He watched as Antonio brushed Arthur’s hair from his eye, his thumb trailing entirely too close to his bottom lip. Roderich turned his back on the display, finishing his wine in a sip.
“He only came back for the meeting…” Roderich’s voice was weak. It broke Johann’s heart. “And still not because of me… Philip forced his hand.”
“That’s it..”
“Jahn!” Roderich grabbed his wrist, silently begging him not to cause a scene.
“No more of this shit,” he grinned down at Roderich. “I’m going to get the brandy.”
Before Roderich could stop him, Johann melted into the crowd, whistling along with the music, but he wasn’t alone. Abel, no longer a Spanish territory, towered over him. Roderich didn’t need to turn to know Antonio was watching.
“Care for a smoke?”
“Please.”
Abel placed a hand just shy of his lower back and guided him out to the gardens below. It felt strange walking about as equals.
“That was classless,” he said, lighting his pipe for Roderich. “He knows better.”
“Don’t make excuses for him. We both know tact is not my husband’s suit.” Roderich wished he could shout. “Nor is it any surprise.”
“You know?” Abel blew smoke into the air.
“Yeah, I know… I’ve seen them together…”
“Y-you saw them too?”
There was a look of confusion on Abel’s face Roderich couldn’t place. “Abel the fuck are you talking about? We were just watching them!”
“Oh…” He looked down awkwardly. This wasn’t how Roderich was meant to find out. No one intended for him to find out at all. “Shit…”
“Tell me!”
“No. Laura said not—“
“Please Abel…. I’d rather just know.” Roderich sounded broken.
“Roderich… I really—“
“For the love of fucking Christ, Abel, just tell me!”
Antonio watched Abel guide his husband from the room and felt a nasty flare of jealousy. He knew Arthur walked away the moment he noticed his attention shift, but he couldn’t help it. He’d been in America nearly six months when the crown recalled him for a meeting only Roderich could have manipulated. There was no other explanation as to why he was so necessary to begin with. He thought that had been the deal upon their marriage. Antonio would build God an empire and Roderich would care for it as if it were his own. Father and mother. King and queen.
And to think he walked into the ball relaxed and almost as eager to show off his husband to the world as he was to see Arthur, dressed up in uniform instead of his usual attire. As much as he loved the golden and emerald details against his deep crimson velvet coat, Arthur dazzled in his form fitting, scarlet cavalry uniform. Of course he had seen Arthur on the seas and in the Americas, where they could be careless and blatant in their affair, but dressed up in public, where they were not Antonio and Arthur but Spain and England, he wished he could forget his duty. Of course, Roderich would never allow that.
Seething, he followed behind, keeping to the terrace above the gardens, not yet wanting to interrupt what was sure to be an amusing conversation full of paranoia and hate; not noticing Feliciano watching him from the balcony above.
“I saw them together while the meeting was on recess…” Abel’s voice carried.
“Fucking.”
Abel nodded, watching Roderich carefully.
Antonio’s stomach dropped. There was no mistaking who Abel saw. What Abel saw. Even Arthur worried he would say something, but he, fool he was, trusted Abel to stay silent when it mattered most.
“Well, then…” There was a venom in Roderich’s words that hadn’t been there before. Even from above, Antonio could feel its sting.
“I don’t know what to you’re thinking but don’t—“
Roderich spun around, pointing a finger in Abel’s face. “You can’t tell me what to do.”
“Calm—“
“Don’t.” Roderich growled. “I fucking knew it. I fucking knew he was sleeping with Arthur! The son of a bitch said I was paranoid! Mother fucker!”
Antonio swallowed. He knew Roderich would unravel if he found out about his affair, but God only knew where Roderich’s emotions would take him.
“I’m sorry…” Abel said. It sounded almost like a whisper to Antonio.
“Why?” Roderich sounded incredulous.
“Roderich, you don’t deserve this.” He said it as though it was obvious. “You do everything. You raise the boys, control the empire, deal with me… You’ve never even had an affair, and he treats you…” Abel cut himself off before he said anything more dangerous than he already had.
“Treats me?”
“I don’t want to overstep…”
“Speak freely then.” They were equals now, Antonio supposed.
“Plainly, Antonio treats you like shit. He’s torturing you and he’s forcing us to watch and do nothing!”
Antonio clenched his jaw. What did Abel know about their marriage, anyway? What did Abel know about building and maintaining an empire for God?
“You’re forced to stay in Spain playing the role of a perfect Catholic while Anton traipses about breaking every commandment he can. He doesn’t take you to England. He doesn’t take you to Fra—”
“I don’t wish to go to France!”
“He doesn’t take you to Prussia, or Bavaria!” Roderich looked like he was about to speak, but Abel pushed forward. “When was the last time you went to Vienna?”
Antonio pushed himself off the terrace ledge and walked back inside. He couldn’t listen to Abel’s vitriol anymore. Roderich never asked to go with him. Roderich always seemed happy to stay behind and tend to the empire. Of course, once Gilbert accidentally let slip of Johann’s secret visits to Spain, it all made too much sense. Roderich, while he was away, played house with the one person he said was not to visit while he was not around, so why couldn’t he have a little fun as well?
He was hardly paying attention to where he was walking until he was standing behind Arthur, who was talking to one of his officials in hushed tones. Antonio took a step back and waited, knowing better than to eavesdrop on Arthur’s conversation. Arthur held only a few things dear, his privacy the most important. The few minutes passed by like molasses. He could feel each second growing longer until he was about to give up entirely. Of course, that was when the official noticed him and promised to finish their conversation later. Arthur turned, and his beauty struck Antonio.
“What do you want?”
“Do I have to want anything to be with you?”
“Antonio…”
“Stay in Spain? We could go to Cádiz?”
“And Roderich?” Arthur had seen how Roderich looked at him. There was no doubt in his mind Roderich knew what was happening between them, even if Antonio wanted to believe he was blind.
“I’ll send him to Vienna with the boys. Apparently he hasn’t been back… neglecting his duties while he plays house with Johann, no doubt.” Antonio placed what would appear to be a friendly hand on his shoulder. Arthur knew better. “Well?”
“I can’t, I’m sorry, Toni,” Arthur sighed. “I’m needed in Jamestown.”
Antonio nodded and looked at his feet, hiding the rage in his eyes. Arthur had a family of his own to care for now. Of course, he would be capable of balancing everything so expertly. He supposed it was easier to balance everything when you didn’t have a nagging husband trailing behind. Why couldn’t life be simple for once?
“But… I’ll see you there,” Arthur tipped his chin up to look into his eyes. “Right?”
“Right,” Antonio whispered. If the crown allows… God knew what Roderich said to the King to bring him back so quickly.
Arthur smiled and winked. “Well then, I have to go find Allistor before he causes any problems.”
“I’ll find you later?”
“Perhaps.” Arthur walked off, putting a little extra sway on his hips for Antonio alone.
Antonio couldn’t help but feel like he was suffocating. Arthur was leaving again and Roderich knew about his affair. There would be no escape for him if he couldn’t convince the crown he was more important in New Spain than he was in Spain proper.
“What was that about?” A gravelly, smug sounding voice asked from behind. Johann. He was the last person in the world Antonio wanted to talk to.
“Nothing…”
Johann passed him a glass of brandy. He could smell the liquor on the other man’s breath. “Do you expect to go back to the colonies so soon?”
“If the crown permits…” He brought the glass to his lips and stopped. This was the brandy Roderich kept in their room. Rage bubbled in his stomach. How dare Johann go into their chambers as though they were his own? He didn’t remember passing an invitation on to him.
Johann gave him an innocent smile. “Is it really as beautiful as they say?”
“Yes.” Antonio begged God to end this conversation.
“Mmm.”
They lapsed into an uncomfortable silence, watching guests mill about the ballroom. Antonio searched in vain for his husband, but failed. He must still be outside with Abel then. He glanced out of the side of his eye, wondering why Johann hadn’t left his side yet. It wasn’t like they had anything in common. Other than Roderich, of course.
“I’ve been thinking…” Johann said after what felt like ages. “It would be good for Roderich and the boys to get out of the city. Go to the mountains, perhaps. Of course, you would be welcome to join us if the crown denies your request to return to New Spain.”
Antonio whipped around to face the offending presence next to him. “And how do you know what’s good for my family?”
“Roderich is our family.”
“You’re not blood. You’re not married. You’re nothing to him.”
“You’re delusional if you believe that to be the truth.” Johann walked off, standing straighter than he had before, as though he believed he had won something in the exchange.
Antonio couldn’t shake the strange feeling Johann gave him. Like he was practically omnipotent. Like he believed he was better than everyone else just because he was a Beilschmidt, or whatever delusion he sold himself when he lay in bed alone at night. Unable to take anymore, Antonio stormed out to the garden, intent on confronting Roderich about his own affair.
“Roderigo, a word?” Antonio said, cutting off whatever Abel was saying. He didn’t want to know. He didn’t care.
“I’m listening.”
“Alone?”
Roderich spun around to look his husband in the face. Where Antonio expected hatred, there was nothing. It almost scared him more to see his husband so closed off, just like he had been at the beginning of the courtship. “No, Anton.”
“No?” He kept his voice level. “Abel, leave us.”
Abel swallowed, trying to decide whether to stay or leave. He had no desire to be a part of this conversation, but he didn’t want to leave Roderich alone. He knew what Antonio was capable of in his worst moments. Though Roderich was no stranger to his worst moments, either. He looked up, trying to decide whether to leave, catching sight of Arthur on one balcony and Feliciano on another, both clearly listening to what was happening below. Technically, he wouldn’t be leaving Roderich alone.
“Don’t,” Roderich whispered.
“Now, Abel.”
“I’m sorry, Roderich.” Abel walked away, stopping at the top of the terrace stairs. It was as far as his feet would take him.
“When were you going to tell me you were going to Bavaria, of all places?” Antonio growled, pulling his husband forward by the lapels.
“I’m not?”
“Do not fucking lie to me,” he hissed.
Roderich was grateful they were at least outside and in sight of others, or Antonio would have slapped him. “I’m not. I never agreed to–”
Antonio pulled Roderich closer to whisper in his ear. “I know who keeps our bed warm while I’m away.”
Roderich jerked back. “Fuck you.”
“Marano whore.”
“You’re incredibly drunk.” He could smell the alcohol on Antonio’s breath. “I’m going back in before anyone of import notices our absence. We’ll talk later. Sober.” With that, Roderich walked off, trying his best to swallow his rage and tears.
Feliciano couldn’t help but sit and watch Antonio, knowing at any moment he could explode. Below, the Spaniard paced back and forth, gesturing wildly to the Holy Spirit alone. What he was saying, he couldn’t quite hear, but that was fine. He didn’t want to hear any more of Antonio’s anti-semitic tirade. He didn’t know what Antonio said to cause Roderich to walk away so abruptly, but he was glad that no scene had yet occurred.
It didn’t take Roderich long to find Johann, surrounded by his brothers, laughing and talking about something that made Gilbert’s smile so big his heart swooped without consent. Silently, he approached the group, allowing himself a moment to memorise Gilbert smiling in uniform, before placing a hand on Johann’s back.
“A word?” He mumbled in his ear.
Johann nodded and excused himself without so much as a joke. He took Roderich’s hand in his, smirking as they passed a fuming Antonio. He let Roderich pull him into a small, almost unused study. It hardly took a look around to realise this was one of many of Roderich’s hideaways. White powder dusted the table tops and he could see a small, empty bottle of what he could only assume was opium discarded on the floor.
“What did you say to Anton?” Roderich’s voice cut through the comfortable silence like a knife.
“Nothing…” He watched Roderich pace back and forth, wringing his hands. He looked as though he were about to cry.
“Horse shit. You had to have said something.”
“What’s this about?” Johann reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling Roderich to a stop in front of him.
“For some reason, Anton has it in his head that I am going to Bavaria in the near future.”
“I never said Bavaria.”
“But you said something!”
“All I said was it would do you and the boys some good to go to the mountains. Get out of the city and relax for a while.” He looked down at his feet, debating whether or not to add more.
“Why?”
“I’ve missed you…” Johann whispered.
The anger practically melted from Roderich’s shoulders. “I’ve missed you too.”
“I even told him to come along if the crown denies his request to return to the Americas.”
“Oh?” Clearly, Roderich had no clue Antonio was planning on leaving so soon after the meeting. The disappointment radiating from him made Johann’s heart break all over again. “What did he say to that?”
“That I was nothing to you.” It came out like a broken whisper.
“Don’t listen to him,” Roderich reached up to cup Johann’s cheek gently. “I’ve survived this long because of you.”
Johann smiled softly and pulled Roderich into a tight hug, kissing the crown of his head like he had a million times before. He couldn’t kiss Roderich for real, no matter how desperately he wanted to. Roderich’s loyalties lay with his husband, even though Antonio hardly deserved it.
“I’m here,” he whispered, feeling Roderich shake in his arms. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Roderich sobbed into his chest. Johann could do nothing but hold him closer and whisper sweet nothings in his ear until he calmed down. These tears were Antonio’s fault. Johann resolved to write to Ferdinand to request a leave to Spain the moment he returned to his chambers. Roderich needed him, even if he couldn’t see it yet himself. At least if the crown denied Antonio’s request, he could buffer the arguments that were likely to spring up because of the evening.
“I don’t know how much longer I can do this…” Roderich whispered. He sounded exhausted and utterly fragile.
“What do you mean?” Johann tried his best to hide the fear in his voice.
“Everything… I can’t…” He stopped, as though he were about to cry again. “I just want peace.”
There was more to this than just Roderich’s failing marriage. Johann thought to the past week and how detached from everything Roderich seemed. Even Feliciano and Lovino, who could always bring a smile to the Austrian’s face, could not bring Roderich out of his shell. They couldn’t even convince him to play the piano.
“I don’t want to do this anymore, Jahn…”
“Don’t say that.” Johann looked up, begging God for help. He couldn’t lose Roderich. “Please don’t say that. I’m going to help you. I always do, yeah?”
Roderich nodded into his chest, clutching Johann tighter, as though he thought Johann was about to pull away.
“I’m not going anywhere; I’m going to stay right here, with you. I’m always going to stand by your side.” He didn’t need to mention Antonio to let Roderich know he would take his place in a heartbeat. It was as close to I love you as he could get.
Antonio couldn’t believe what he just witnessed. Not only had Abel told Roderich about his affair, he let him wander about with Johann unsupervised after the fact. There was only one reason Roderich would even consider spending so much time with Johann. He found Abel quickly enough, tucked against the wall, drink in hand, ignoring the world around him as usual.
“How dare you!” Antonio hissed, pushing Abel into an abandoned corner.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Abel seemed bored.
“Shall I remind you, then?” He missed the days when he towered over Abel. It made it easier to control him.
“If you’d like.” The impassive tone reminded him of Johann, only angering him more.
“You had to ruin everything, didn’t you? Declaring independence wasn’t enough for you, was it? You had to destroy my house, too?”
“You reap what you sow, Antonio.”
It took all his strength to keep his hands by his waist. Antonio wanted nothing more than to break Abel’s nose. “I trusted you!”
“Anton—”
“No! You listen to me, you ungrateful miscreant,” Antonio growled, liquor fueling the flames of his rage. “I gave you everything you needed, and this is how you repay me? By allowing my husband to whore about while I’m away? I thought there was an understanding between us.”
“Things change.”
“You gained your independence and you think you’re so intelligent, no? Abel the know it all. Abel the snake. Tell me, when did Cain kill the Abel I knew and loved?”
Abel sucked his teeth, knowing the only safe response was silence.
“I’ll bet you enjoyed telling him, no? Confirming his suspicions…” Antonio’s smile was razor sharp. “I’ll bet you even waited until—”
“He demanded that I tell him!”
“I thought you were independent. I thought you didn’t want to take orders from us anymore. Funny how little loyalty there is to the empire, to the true king.”
Abel scoffed. “You’re hardly a king.”
“I am the Empire.” Antonio hissed.
“No, Antonio, Roderich is.” He didn’t need to say more. No truer words had been spoken.
“How dare you?”
“How dare I what, Antonio? Speak the truth?”
“Fine, you want to speak the truth? Who is it that my husband spends the most time with while I’m away?”
“Feliciano and Lovino.”
“And when he’s not with them?”
Abel smiled and looked out into the crowd, saying nothing. He didn’t need to. Antonio already knew the answer to his question. Jahn , of course, it was Johann. No matter where he turned, it seemed the Bavarian was there. There was no escape from him. Of course, he had hoped Roderich was capable of obeying his husband, but clearly Johann saw himself above the rules and sanctity of their marriage. And he had just watched them walk off together, hand in hand. Without another word, Antonio stormed off in search of his husband.
Abel watched as Antonio drunkenly stumbled through the crowd of people, chuckling whenever he was held up by another nation or official. The tension behind Antonio’s charming smile was palpable. It wouldn’t be long before he blew up in earnest. Across the room, he could see Arthur watching Antonio as well. Abel couldn’t escape the feeling that Arthur knew exactly what was happening as he watched the blond shake his head and slip back out into the cool night air.
It felt like hours before Antonio found Johann, leaning up against the wall, drink in hand, keen eye out in the crowd for whom Antonio could only imagine was Roderich.
“Where is he?” Antonio growled, squeezing Johann’s arm tight.
“Roderich?” Johann did his best to ignore the dull nails biting through the fabric of his jacket. “Doing his job as host, just as you should be.”
“Where?”
Johann pointed out onto the dancefloor, where Roderich and Natallia waltzed around couples like they were made for it. They made an ethereal pair, if Johann really thought about it. Both untouchable, if not entirely above everyone else around them. Two animated marble statues.
“Did you really think Roderich would leave an event from which he is the centre of attention?”
Antonio scanned the crowd. Several people looked at Roderich as though he were something to devour. Sadik, in particular, looked at Roderich as though he were nude. Jealousy heated his stomach. How dare Sadik even think to look at Roderich? How dare he look so smug? Antonio tore his gaze from him, catching sight of Sebastian’s and Francis’ hungry eyes, and Gilbert’s and Elizabeta’s fantasies. He couldn’t stand their gazes sweeping over Roderich’s back. There was no doubt in his mind Roderich felt their gaze, but he seemed to revel in it, kissing Natallia’s cheek and whispering in her ear until she laughed. He spared a glance at Johann, whose soft smile did nothing but fuel his jealous rage. How dare they? Roderich belonged to him.
“You know him better than that, Anton.” It was a calculated choice of name.
“How dare y—”
“Ah ah.” Johann gave him a smug smile. “You’ll make a scene, and if you think your husband is pleased with you now…”
“You know nothing.”
“It’s Roderich, I know everything.” He was mine first.
Roderich parted from Natallia with a kiss to her fingers and a promise of another dance. He would spend the evening dancing and gossiping with Natallia if he were able, but others–notably long dead authors–had spots in her book before he could dance with her again. He always liked Natallia, even when the rest of Europe was weary. She understood the irony of their existence in a world that would never listen to them. They were pawns in a larger game that didn’t seem to have any rules at all.
“Baba,” Feliciano said, leaning against Roderich’s arm.
“Yes, Felici?”
“Arthur would like a word.”
“Does he now?” Arthur was the last person Roderich wanted to see. “Fine. I have a few words I’d love to say.”
Feliciano looked at him wearily, but led him to Arthur anyway, praying to God no blood would be shed.