Chapter Text
—--delete this first part
Iceland dreaded it everytime.
One time someone, i don't know who maybe denmark decided to suggest a game night.
Iceland was stuck in a cardboard box labeled ‘gay baby jail’ while everything else was chaos and somehow mr puffin won the game and paid off his debt to get him out of the ‘gay baby jail’ .
—----
—-im yeeting iceland out of the fic cut.---
Iceland just pretended he heard nothing of this sort of conversation happening next to him.
“If you 2 are planning to dick eachother off in the middle of here, I think I will be leaving for now” Iceland said standing up.
“Okay!! bye Iceland!” Finland said goodbye to the Icelander leaving the sauna through the door.
Ice has heard enough and doesn't want to get his eyes mentally scarred by whatever they're planning to do next.
So he better just get out before the entire scene turns into a gay porno and Ice would rather be anywhere else than awkwardly sitting there naked while this happens.
Shit he's hard now for some reason , for one moment Iceland considered going back in but then decided to do the more sensible thing of going back to his room and probably wank himself or something idk.
No one has to know.
Now where are we again? Oh yeah , back at the sauna Denmark and Sweden over who has a bigger penis.
[cut to the next shot of the 4 of them fucking or something]
—
[why i hate norwegian hotdogs- by yourstruly]
Of Course its like sorta grabbing a veiny hotdog.
Speaking of hotdogs , in Norway they make hotdogs with Fucking tortilla instead of normal hotdog buns like the rest of the world.
Im fucking dissapointed and grossed out , its fucking food crime in my eyes and its justified to send anyone who makes hotdogs like this to hell.
“but isn’t Hell actually a town at my place” Norway replied incredulously .
“no like the afterlife”
“so a figure from Norse sagas?”
“no no , like the place for when u die”
“… wait, why am I going there?”
“for wrapping hotdog in tortilla… before you say thats very traditional way , its just no. Bad .”
[inception ends]
— big bro or big sis? is norway a milf???????????—
“Will you call me big brother…”
“no way…”
“Big brother ~ “
“Stop it”
“What about big sister?” Norway said smirking.
“Huh???” Ice confused looked to the side to see Norway had boobs and
He immediately looked away .
“You're not making any sense!!” Ice was then looking confused before then accidentally looking
“I am completely serious here Ice“ Norway said, crossing his arms over his breasts.
“ I have always wondered if you always saw me more as an older brother or older sister, like back when you were still a little child”
“Honestly it's… It’s a pretty weird question to ask…” Ice said, trying to look away.
“Uh… other people thought of you were my mom instead of big sister”
“I mean I agree with Ice” Denmark “ You do kinda have milf vibes back then”
Norway glared daggers at him “shut up or i will make you choke”
“Please , I will happily die in your boobs Norge” Denmark said with a smirk.
Norway rolled his eyes. “Ok fine but only if you stop bothering me”
Ice said nothing , he just awkwardly sat there while Denmark is like horny posting on main like the complete menace he is.
—--
—meanwhile in the sauna ,i traumatized iceland —
Denmark later challenges Sweden in a sword fight (with their dicks) over who has a larger penis.
Iceland sees Norway comparing Denmark’s and Sweden’s now hardened dicks and sucking them both off .
Ice quickly looks away again , his face is flushed red .
The image of his brother sucking off both Denmark and Sweden’s dicks is now burned forever in his head.
(god… this is painful , rip Ice)
—finland section—
Finland was steaming some food over the sauna rocks .
“ Ahhh~ you enjoying this sauna? I feel very relaxed here~” Finland said happily and content like a capybara in a nIce bathtub full of oranges.
“I guess… it kinda helps relax my sore back muscles?” Ice says , because it is indeed true that his back pain was a bit less but he was trying his best to ignore what's happening next to him.
Finland meanwhile grabbed one of the sausages he was steaming and gave one to Ice.
“here you go Ice , have a steamed sausig!”
“Oh.. uh… thanks Fin” Ice took the steamed sausage.
Finland meanwhile grabbed another sausage that was done steaming and then eats it.
(it unfortunately looks like sucking a penis.)
Ice sat there really awkwardly… This is getting too much for him.
“I- I Think”
“Oh.. Ice I think you're sorta overheating” Finland said now kinda worried “lemme just… one moment “
He grabbed a brush made of birch “Here lemme help you out!”
Finland then slaps Ice’s back and butt with the birch brush.
“OW!! OW !!OW !!”
“AAAAH!! FINLAND WHAT ARE YOU DOIng?!? ”
Ice yelled as he got slapped hard on his ass and back with the birch brush.
“oh.. did i hit you too hard?” Finland asked , he stopped hitting Ice next to him who was now on his knees.
“yes and that Fcuking hurts!!”
Ice cried out, rubbing his sore butt from getting spanked by a bunch of sticks.
“Do you want to try to hit me with it too ? “
“uhh ok” Ice agrees and Finland gave him his birch brush.
Ice then hits Finland’s back and ass with it.
“Öoooh hyaaaaaääää !!! “ Finland exclaimed when being hit by the brush by Ice everytime.
—--densunor orgy happening next to him btw—
While next to him , his brother was being spitroasted by Den and Sve.
He himself is like spanking Finland who's making some weird noises every time he hits him.
Ice is like legit dying inside right now , like how the fuck did Ice end up in this weird orgy type of situation.
—-
[norway replies ‘do you want to find out?”]
“ hah see! I'm still better than you in bed Sweden hahaha!!” Denmark laughed
Denmark grabbed his own dick and be like “yeah its bigger than yours Sve”
“pfft you just don’t want to admit you liked getting your ass pegged by Finland ”
“...”
“I know you like getting pegged sweden~ just admit it”
—------
—-yeet iceland in the cold i guess—
“now for the next part~ “ Finland smiles , he grabs Ice by his arm .
Opens the door and then YEETS him outside the sauna .
Ice lands face first into a pile of freshly fallen cold snow .
Ice scrambled himself up after the landing , the sudden temperature drop shook him up for a moment before he heard Finland yell.
“Vittu Perrrrrrrrrkele!!!!”
Ice looks behind to see Finland launching himself towards the snow completely naked.
Ice screams in terror covering his face but Finland lands right next to him and he starts rolling around and making a snow angels , before suddenly a crack appears on the Ice .
Finland notIced it a moment too late and then rolled into the icy lake water.
Oh yeah did I forget to mention he built the sauna right next to a lake and then Finland couldn't distinguish what was snow and what was actually Ice.
Ice just falls into the icy cold lake through the crack..
-
Norway is sandwiched between all 3, all his holes were filled by dick.
Sweden fucking his ass , finland in his other hole and denmark fucking his throat.
They were quite loud.
—
—ending…???---
“uwaaa that was very fun and refreshing, we should totally do that more often” Finland said, happily refreshed .
“I think I'll pass the Sauna next time…” Ice said to himself.
“Aw.. ok…I guess it's understandable” Finland says “maybe i lower the temperature a little bit next time so you can enjoy it too”
Ice then sees Denmark , Sweden and Norway getting out of a shower together.
Ice almost wanted to say something but then decided not to…
He really doesn't need any details from what they were all doing in the shower.
One look at Denmark and Sweden could give away a lot, as their necks were covered in bruises and that Norway was all responsible for this.
—
“aaughhh i think i got a blister on my back..” Denmark complained
“you challenged me first and then started fighting me with your ‘sword’ size”
“honestly i think Denmark has a larger dick.”
“Huh what?! you said mine was bigger”
“but his looked like those sausages Finland was steaming. “
-
Sigmund freud is knocking at Iceland’s door...