Chapter Text
“So what are you up to tonight?” Jeongguk says, breaking the quiet rhythm of the ceiling fan above them that almost puts them in a trance. Jeongguk hates that kind of silence between them; the kind that is simultaneously so empty and so heavy. It is at these times that his brain can’t stop throwing up thoughts of how hopeless this thing between Jimin and himself is. But he lets the thoughts haunt him while Jimin pretends nothing’s wrong or is worthy of making a conversation over. He is sick of it but he also can’t let go. There is a sick and twisted battle going on within him between his heart and logic.
Jimin grunts in response, his fingers on Jeongguk’s thigh tightening for a moment as he scratches the blunt nail tips on his inner thigh. “Probably going for a ride then home.” He answers absentmindedly, not looking up from his boring car magazine, but then he does just to ask, “Why?” He eyes Jeongguk, his lips set in a straight line as he cocks up an eyebrow. Jeongguk looks away from his chocolate eyes, staring down at himself, as if ashamed to ask that, maybe fearing that he appears needy. But then again, in this type of relationship, they are both in need of each other even if they don’t like to admit it.
“Nothing just… I’m free, my dad is away. Thought we could hang out at my pool, “ he says carefully, biting his lip as he already regrets the words that came out of his mouth.
“We are hanging out already, aren’t we?” Jimin says coldly, but there is a challenging lilt to his tone. As if he wants Jeongguk to spell out to him what he exactly wants. He enjoys it when Jeongguk pretends to be tough and vague about what he wants from him but then he easily drops the act as soon as Jimin merely looks at him.
“The air-conditioning in my house is better,” he dumbly argues.
“It's your daddy’s house.”
“I still live in it so it’s also my house.”
“Don’t you hate that place?”
Jeongguk looks at Jimin pointedly for a second. Jimin knows him too well. “Not when he isn’t in it.” He scoffs and looks away, removing his thighs from on top of Jimin’s legs to hug them to his chest.
“It’s still his house,” Jimin says sternly and it infuriates Jeongguk so much that he has to bite the inside of his cheeks to not shove Jimin off the worn down leather couch. He can’t exactly tell Jimin he wants to spend some genuine time with him because that would mean being vulnerable.
“Everything is so black and white to you, isn’t it?” Jeongguk retorts, bitter and sad. Because the attitude Jimin has extends to how he treats people too, which narrows down to Jeongguk as well. This relationship with Jeongguk is a deal to him. Jimin fucks Jeongguk well to keep him around and lets Jeon Jeongguk use his daddy’s money behind his back just to wipe away all dirty traces of Jimin.
“That’s how I was raised and how I learnt to survive in my world,” Jimin explains, eyes still running over the pages of the magazine he’s folded in half in one hand.
“Your world?” Jeongguk reiterates, sarcastically almost.
“You know thieves, criminals, and frauds who try to make a living in this shitty economy while some others have good air conditioning systems, a nice pool, and not a single worry in this world.” He is definitely chastising Jeongguk now. But he was born like that and it’s not his fault. He just rolls his eyes.
“You could have just said no instead of unnecessarily berating me for something I have no control over,” Jeongguk protests, his patience with Jimin finally wearing thin as he gets up off the couch for a glass of water from Jimin’s tacky and old refrigerator that is noisy and smells slightly of booze and leftover food.
“Besides, you're not that broke, don’t be dramatic,” Jeongguk adds and rolls his eyes as he looks inside the fridge. There is literally nothing worth eating or making food with, just a water jug and a few packages of canned food. He takes out the jug and pours himself a glass and chugs all of it in one go.
He is left breathless after as he stares out of the too small windows of Jimin’s too small apartment. It bothers him that Jimin only sees him like an ATM and his way out from fucked up situations he creates himself. While he actually has an emotional connection bordering on codependency.
Jimin is indeed like a drug, no matter how much staying with him hurts Jeongguk, he finds himself running back to him and letting him in. Physically and metaphorically. And he has so much guilt for that. For betraying himself and his values. But you can not control with respect to whom you fall in love, and Jeongguk thinks he is falling. Based on what kind of logic or morale, he has no idea. Everything Jimin is screams danger and heartbreak, but he can’t help it despite knowing very clearly how this will end.
He realises after his remark that Jimin fell silent, and it’s not often he does, and that is what leads them into a pointless fight. He dares a look at the couch and he is beyond surprised to see Jimin is nowhere to be found. It’s also not very common for Jimin to walk out of a conversation with Jeongguk.
He frowns, the glass of water still in his grip. This man is so full of confusing surprises and it sends Jeongguk’s brain into a frenzy of overthinking which is not good for him. Did Jimin walk out just to avoid the possible fight? Did he even care about how Jeongguk was upset?
Well, that is a common occurrence and Jimin doesn’t exactly seem to care. Sometimes his communication is done through intimacy, as if the only way he knows to apologise and sooth Jeongguk is through sex.
That’s when he is gentle yet rough only in the way Jeongguk asks him to be. Always listens to Jeongguk and pays intense attention to every expression he makes when he is inside him. Jeongguk scoffs at that and at himself for being pleased at the thought. That’s pathetic if you ask his older self who didn’t know Jimin and life at worse was all about struggling to find a compatible hookup and piss off his dad.
He should go home because even without Jimin here at his own place, his thoughts are drawn back to him. He has had enough Jimin for the day.
At least he thinks he has, but when he heads home, Jimin shows up at his window and he silently lets him in and they sleep in his bed. That is a first time too, Jimin not immediately asking to fuck him and leave as fast as he can. He actually lets Jeongguk wrap him in his arms and fall asleep. Jimin has never done that because he barely sleeps at night, Jeongguk has bore witness to many of his sleepless nights and the man barely sleeps a blink. He remembers that earlier today he said that he’ll go to a club, so he must be drunk and that’s why he falls asleep fast. But when Jeongguk tries smelling his mouth he finds no trace of alcohol. So he just kisses his cheek and that’s when he thinks he feels the trace of dried salty tears on his lips. He has been crying. Jeongguk has never seen Jimin cry and the knowledge that something made Jimin, the toughest guy he knows, cry, he feels his heart sinking, becoming a bit angry and protective over him.
He looks at his face, deep in sleep and serene as his eyelashes rest on top of his cheeks and he breathes steadily against Jeongguk’s chest with a grip around his waist.