Chapter Text
It was a late summer evening at Pete’s, The Beatles were rehearsing as usual during this time. They all showed up on time and they were having a pretty good session overall. John just found out earlier that morning from their manager that he booked them some gigs in Hamburg. They were finally moving up and he couldn’t be more thrilled.
“We’re due to leave on Friday lads don’t forget,” John looked at the other four and looked back at his guitar. “We’ve gotta be at the train by 5 Allen said, so don’t be late or we’ll leave without ya.” He snorted.
“I can’t believe we’re going to Hamburg of all places we’ve really made it now!” George said and flashed his big fanged tooth smile.
They all chatted amongst themselves of the upcoming trip until John noticed Paul hasn’t said a word about it yet looking down and plucking aimlessly at his guitar strings. He didn’t seem nearly as excited as John was. He’d have to talk to him after practice.
“Alright lads I think I’ve had enough for today, let’s meet back up again tomorrow aye? We need to practice as much as possible before our shows.” John stood up bringing his guitar with him and waited for everyone to pack up their instruments.
“See you mates later I’ve got to rush home to make it to dinner, great session.” George rushed out the door and made his way, Pete and Stuart said their goodbyes next.
“Macca, meet me outside will you?” John looked at Paul until he met his eyes and followed him out the front doors, guitars strapped on their backs. Paul stood outside watching John waiting for him to say something, still not saying a word. “Mate, you alright? You didn’t say a word about Hamburg. Matter of a fact you didn’t speak much at all after I brought it up. I thought you’d be happy, this is big you know?”
“I am happy John. I just…” Paul slowly looked away awkwardly adjusting his legs. “You know.”
“No. I don’t. What?,” John suddenly got a panicked look in his eyes and tensed up. “You’re still coming aren’t you? Obviously we can’t do it without you.”
Paul shifted some more and looked back up at John nervously. “Of course I want to go! It’s just… me Da’.”
“So? What about ‘im?”
“He’s never going to let me go all the way to Germany! He doesn’t even like me taking music this seriously. He doesn’t think you can make a job out of music, he wants me to get a proper job you know… he’s going to be right pissed if I tell him.” Paul looked at John defeated.
Suddenly John started to get a bit angry and looked at Paul with furrowed eyebrows. “Are you serious? Paul you’re 18, who bloody cares what he says. Here I thought it was something serious. You’re coming.” John turned on his heel and started making his way out the front gate leaving Paul standing there. “Don’t forget, we’ll be meeting by 5 o clock!” He gave Paul a quick wink and made his way down the block. Paul sighed and followed shortly. He wishes it’d be that simple.
—
Days went by and they continued meeting up at least once a day. Paul just pretended to ignore the problem for the moment and act natural, he didn’t want to have to worry about it until last minute when finally John seemed to have cornered him in Thursday night after rehearsal was over. “So, did Daddy say yes?” he snickered and gave Paul a once over to try and figure out his feelings.
Paul rolled his eyes and gave his friend a look before answering. “Well… I didn’t actually say anything to ‘im yet.”
“Well we’re leaving in the morning Paul so you better make it quick. Must I remind you of your importance in this band and how important this trip is for us?”
“I’m telling ‘im tonight Johnny don’t worry, I’m still planning on coming.”
John smiled at Paul. “Good. Because it’s me or your dad so choose wisely.” He grabbed his guitar and started making his way out to the road. Paul bit his lip and quickly followed behind thinking of how he would bring it up once he got home.
As Paul walked home he thought about his bandmates and how disappointed they’d be in him if he didn’t come but he really didn’t like upsetting his dad. He’s always tried his best to be a responsible son and do what he’s asked even if he really didn’t want to. But this was different. This was big for the band and he couldn’t let his band mates down. He was after all, like John said, 18. He just had to pack up his things and lay it on his dad.
Paul walked in through the front doors of his home he shared with his dad and little brother, Mike. It was nearing 8pm when he walked in, he knew his dad would be sitting in his chair smoking his pipe. Jim lifted his eyes up at his son as he walked in. “Evening son.”
“‘Ello dad. I’m knackered, I might head off to bed early I’ll uh… be back in just a moment.” Paul quickly ran up the stairs and grabbed a bag and started packing all of his important belongings as quickly as he could. He suddenly realized he didn’t remember how long John said they’d be gone for and didn’t know how much clothes exactly he’d have to pack. He shoved a bunch of clothes in and hoped it was enough. He grabbed anything else he might need and closed up the bag. Sighing he picked it up and left it on the stairs as he made his way back down and stood by his dad, knowing whatever he says next probably won’t end well.
“Hey da’ so me and the lads have a couple shows booked,”
Jim looked up at his son. “Yeah? When are you doing that?”
Paul looked down and rubbed the back of his neck. “Well actually we leave tomorrow.”
“Leave? Where is this place at?”
“Um… well… it’s sorta Hamburg.” Paul looks back up at his dad to see his reaction.
His dad stared at him with little to no expression. “Are you taking the piss? Hamburg, like Hamburg Germany? Absolutely not Paul.”
Paul’s shoulders slumped down and he huffed. “Dad-,”
“I said no Paul. No son of mine is going off to Hamburg to play around with his little band.”
He rolled his eyes and stared at his dad incredulously. “Dad this is really big for us, they’re paying us to perform!”
Jim looked away from Paul and continued smoking his pipe. “A proper job could pay you too but instead you’re wasting your time with that Lennon boy!” He shook his head still not looking at his son.
Paul huffed in annoyance and stomped up the stairs to grab his bag. Jim probably thought this was the end of the argument and that he won, Paul leaving defeated, until he comes right back down the stairs with his bag hauled over his shoulder. “Look, I’m sorry but I’ve gotta go. I’ve made a commitment with me mates.” Paul makes his way towards the front door before Jim jumps up out of his seat and follows him.
“Like hell you’re leaving!” He grabbed his sons arm roughly to prevent him from opening the front door. “You walk out that door and you better not even think about coming back here! As long as you live here you follow house rules!”
“It’s not that big of a deal da’! Just let me go!” Paul attempts to pull his arm from his dads grip.
His dad lets go of his arm and stares at him angrily. “You want to make grown decisions, fine! You can find your own place to live then too.” He turns his back and walks away leaving Paul at the door as he’s rubbing his arm. Paul takes one more look back towards the house before he pulls the door open and runs out knowing exactly where he’s going to go. He doesn’t even worry about grabbing his bike as he walks the couple block distance to his best friends house.
—
When Paul gets to his destination he stares up at the house with teary eyes. He quickly blinks away any sign of crying before making his way to his friends window. Usually it’s John throwing the rocks at Paul’s window on Forthlin road but this time it’s Paul. A minute or two goes by before John pulls back the curtains and looks down to see Paul standing there with a bag over his shoulder. He swiftly opens the window and peers down over the window sill. “Macca? What are you doing here?”
Paul looks down and wipes his eyes and nose one more time for good measure, he couldn’t be seen crying in front of John looking soft. He looks back up towards John asking if he could come in. John barely even hears his question and he’s already making his way downstairs quietly to open the front door to his best mate. “Come on, but be quiet Mimi’s in bed.” Paul nods and follows John carefully up the stairs to the boys room. Once they’re inside the room John closes his door and takes a good look at his friend. “Alright?”
“Yeah… you know. It’s just… me dad. He um… he sorta kicked me out.”
John’s eyes widen and he looks at the bag Paul’s holding and back up to the solemn look in his eyes. “He what? Really?” Paul doesn’t respond and John walks closer to his friend and takes the bag off of his shoulder. “That old prick. Don’t worry Paulie, I’ll take care of you.” He gives him a gentle smile and hesitates before placing his palm on Paul’s cheek. Paul blushes and gives a small smile back as John takes his hand away. “We’re going to make it bloody big Macca, you don’t need ‘im!” John pulls a pair of clothes out of his closet and hands them to Paul. “Here you can sleep in these,” Paul smiles as a thanks and takes the clothes. “We can walk to the train together in the morning and meet the rest of the lads.” John looks at Paul and then turns around to let his friend change real quick. “We can share the bed if you want, or you know, I can sleep on the floor and you can have the bed if that makes you more comfortable…” John bites his lip and watches Paul for a reaction.
“Sharing is alright Johnny, thank you.” Paul smiles again at his mate and they awkwardly make their way to the bed. John sits down and pulls the covers back for Paul and lays down. Paul gets in next and pulls the covers back up. “I’ll see you in the morning.” Paul’s cheeks go red again as he turns on his side and closes his eyes.
“Right. Goodnight Macca.” They both try their best to go to sleep knowing tomorrow is a huge day for them.
The next morning comes in only a few hours time and John and Paul wake up pressing closely together under the covers. They don’t mention anything and get out of bed to start getting ready for the day. John figures Mimi will be out in the garden smoking as the sun comes up so he may just be able to sneak Paul out the door without her noticing. They quickly get dressed and grab their belongings as John makes his way downstairs telling Paul to wait behind. “Alright Paulie you’re good to come down but make it quick.” Paul carefully and as swiftly as he can speeds down the stairs and out the front door with his friend. They start rushing to the train station, slowed down slightly by the weight of their belongings and guitars on their back. “We’re the first ones here.” John glances around the train platform and takes a seat on the bench leaving room for Paul to sit next to him. They wait around for a few minutes each taking turns checking their watches as the others eventually make their appearances.
“You guys been here long? I thought I was right on time.” Stu looks between the two of them and takes a seat on another nearby bench.
George squeezes in next to Paul forcing John to move over. “This is the earliest I’ve ever been out, I barely wanted to leave my bed this morning.” Pete stands next to the benches with his bags packed next to him. “When’s the train coming then?”
Paul looks at George and checks his watch again. “Well if it’s on time it should be here any minute.” Before he looks back up they hear the telling sounds of the train horn blaring in the distance. They all stand up gathering their belongings as they wait for it to make its way to the platform.
“Allen said he’d be meeting us there, he had some business to attend to this morning but I’ve got the address of the place when we arrive.” John looked between his bandmates and looked back to Paul giving him a quick smile. He’s so glad Paul chose him, if he hadn’t come he’d be waiting outside of his house ready to beat Jim to a pulp and drag Paul’s sorry ass with him. He knew Paul would always choose him no matter what. He smiled to himself as he glanced at his mate one more time. The train rode down the tracks towards them still blaring its horn, blowing dark steam clouds in the air. They all made their way onto the train and found some empty seats.
—
The journey to Hamburg was a long one, they took a few naps along the way but once they arrived they were thrilled. So far away from home in a brand new place they’ve never been. So many new, big opportunities. Paul had a great feeling about this place he knew he made the right choice. But how could he not choose John? He’d choose John in any life time really.
“I can’t believe we’ve finally made it!” Paul looked around with a big smile on his face and turned to John and his bandmates. He felt much happier now that he arrived than he was before they left. His dad will see that he’s making real earnings and recognition out here and that he made the right decision after all. He’ll forgive him right?
John grins at Pauls happy expression and follows him off the train. “Alright lads, let’s find this place and get settled in.” He squints over a folded up piece of paper Allen scribbled out the directions on for them.
Stu snatches the paper out of John’s hands. “Let me see that you’re about as blind as a bat we’ll be waiting here forever.” He looks around and points in the direction he believes they’re supposed to head. Paul rolls his eyes and waits for John to start walking before following close behind, George and Pete right on their tails.
“I was going to say this way you know, but sure Stu take the lead why not?” John smacks his friends hand.
Stu rolls his eyes and glances back at John. “Sure you were.” They all quickly make their way to the Bambi Kino hoping there’s a half decent place to sleep as this trip exhausted them. When they make it to the back door location and are met with their rooming arrangement they can’t help but to grimace to themselves as this wasn’t half of what they expected. For starters, there was only 3 twin sized beds, a fold out cot, and a couch. They look amongst themselves seeing which one will claim a spot first. Stu shuffles his bag and bass over to one of the beds and plops down. “Well me and John are the oldest I say we get first dibs on the beds.” He smirks to himself as he lays back on the mattress. They all look at John and he shrugs and makes his way to the second bed.
George looks between the last mattress, the cot and the couch and back at Paul and Pete. “Well who gets the last bed then?”
Pete perks up glancing back at George. “Aye I think Stu had the right idea, oldest gets first dibs. You two can figure out who gets the couch or cot. Maybe you can even take turns.”
Folding his arms and giving Pete a look Paul makes his way to the cot. “I don’t see how thats fair but I guess I’ll just take the cot then.” George sighs and goes towards the couch placing his belongings on the ground. Paul spreads out on his cot, taking his jacket off and balling it up under his head to use as a pillow. He doesn’t know how they’ll survive in this tiny shared room with no windows and no bathroom, but he guesses that’s just part of rock and roll.
—
Paul sort of nods off eventually and wakes up to voices. He opens his eyes and sees Stu and John standing together laughing and talking. They look like they’re about to head out the door when Paul sits up narrowing his eyes at them wondering what they could possibly be doing this late at night. “Where are you two off to then?”
“Oh John and I were just off to find a couple of drinks. We didn’t want to disturb your beauty sleep, sorry mate.” Stu smirks at Paul.
He glares at Stu and looks at John. “Who says I didn’t wanna get drinks too?” John smiles and chuckles at Paul’s expression.
“Don’t worry Paulie we won’t be long.”
Paul obviously understanding the lack of invitation huffs and glares at the door as they leave. Not noticing George watching him until he speaks up, “Alright mate?”
“I just don’t understand why still to this day they have to run off together alone. What’s so great about Stu anyway?”
George continues watching Paul and just shrugs. “I don’t know, they go way back you know? Like art school and such. I think he’s alright.” He quickly glances at a sleeping Pete and looks back at Paul.
Paul shakes his head and stands up. Paul’s mood quickly depletes as he goes to find the shared men’s restroom. The last thing he wanted to wake up to was Stu and John being all secretive and making plans to hang out. That should be him making plans and leaving alone with John, not that sorry prick of a bloke, Stu. He pisses off Paul to no end and hates that he even had to join them on this trip when he and John both know he’s shit at the bass. He could play bass better than him! John’s way too blindsided by his friendship with him to notice how it affects the band. Sure they need a bass player, but he wishes it wasn’t Stu.
When he returns from the men’s room he finds George sitting on the floor leaning his back against the couch with his guitar in his lap. “Aye, wanna play?” Paul figures what else could he have to do right now with John gone so he nods and picks up his own guitar. They will have their first show tomorrow at the Indra. They really should be resting for their gig but how could he sleep with John and Stu gone?
An hour or two goes by with George and Paul still sitting on the floor, plucking away at random tunes and notes before John and Stu return. As they walk in it’s obvious they’re a bit tipsy. Stu’s laughing and John’s shushing him while quietly giggling to himself too. “You two are still up?” John looks at George and Paul and sits down to start untying the laces on his boots.
“Yeah but we all should be sleeping aye? With our concert tomorrow.” Paul tries to meet Johns eyes but he’s still working on taking his boots off.
“Oh piss off McCartney not all of us have a bedtime, some of us like to have a little fun, right John?” Stu lays his hand on Johns shoulder for a moment before sitting next to him to work on taking his own boots off.
Paul glares once again at Stu. “Fuck you.”
John looks up at Paul instantly. “Paul, come on.”
Paul glances at John with betrayal in his eyes and looks away. “Right. I’m going to bed.” He stands up and puts his guitar away and climbs on his cot. He can’t believe John, constantly defending Stu. When he’s with John it’s like he’s the only one in the world who matters, then whenever Stu’s around the attention is back on him.
George pretends not notice the tension in the air and puts his own guitar away before climbing back on the couch. Stu snorts and rolls his eyes, standing up to toss his boots under his bed. They all keep quiet as they get in their respectable beds to try and get some sleep.
—
The morning arrives before they know it, Paul rubs his eyes and sits up to roll out of bed. He looks around and notices Pete and Stu aren’t there but George and John are still asleep. He looks at John and debates if he should wake him up or not, and decides against it realizing he still feels a bit angry from last night. He grabs some clothes to get ready for the day and makes his way to the men’s restroom. Still rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he nearly bumps into Stu with Pete right behind him each transporting a cup of coffee. “Ah, are the others awake yet? Pete and I wanna grab a bite to eat we’ve been waiting for you lot.”
Paul untrustingly looks towards Stu and shakes his head. “No, but you’re welcome to wake them up if you please.” He continues on his way to the restroom not giving either of them another glance. When he returns from the restroom fully dressed for the day and hair done, George and John are both awake. He nods to them both. “Morning.”
They both look towards Paul and each give him a good morning in return. “Aye, Stu and Pete mentioned brekky, you coming Paul?”
—
They all didn’t have much money on them, knowing they wouldn’t get paid until next week after their first set of shows so their options were limited. They found a little cafe nearby figuring the five of them could chip in for something decent. They ordered their food and found a table to sit. John sitting next to Paul, leaned down closer to his ear. “Sorry about last night Macca.” Paul turned his head and looked at John.
“What do you mean?”
“Well… you know. How I ran off with Stu last night. You could have came if you really wanted.” John bit his lip for a second and gave Paul a small smile.
Paul’s cheeks go pink and he looks down. “Nah, no need to be sorry it’s alright John.” He looks back up to John and returns his smile before looking back at his food, still smiling. No matter how pissed he may get, John is always there for him. It’s like he can read his mind sometimes, just knowing how Paul is feeling in that moment. His mood quickly changes and if he slightly shifts closer to John, that’s nobody’s business.
After their breakfast they all subconsciously agree to explore a bit of the city nearby. Their show starts in only a couple of hours, they don’t wanna travel too far before they have to get ready. Paul seemingly forgets last night after John apologizes and his attention seems to be back on Paul for the time being walking right next to him the whole way. Sometimes he gets lost staring at the lad, he’ll admit he’s handsome. John has always been older, cooler, and smarter which is what first attracted Paul to him. He loves his almond shaped brown eyes, his aquiline nose, his strong jawline. He has beautiful, big hands and they look even better holding his guitar. His feelings towards his best mate confuse him sometimes, he knows he’s not queer, how could he be? But he’s also never felt this connected to anybody before. He presumes they must be soulmates in some way. He would do anything for John, really.
John must catch him staring because he tilts his head slightly and gives Paul a funny little smile. “You alright?”
Paul looks away as soon as he sees John glance back at him and widens his eyes slightly. “Yes.”
John chuckles and looks away. “Alright.”
“Aye lads shouldn’t we be making our way back?” Pete stops walking to look at his bandmates.
Paul checks his watch and nods agreeing. “He’s right, if we wanna have time to get a bit of practice in before the show we better head back now.”
—
When they return back to the Bambi Kino, Allen’s actually there waiting for them. He tells them he wants to introduce them to Koschmider, the owner of the club and to get their show clothes on and get their instruments together. The walk to the Indra is a short distance from the Bambi. Dressed in their leather gear, hair greased up, and guitars (and bass) strapped to their backs they follow Allen inside the club. Inside there’s long, dark red curtains and a stage on the back wall with a wide open floor in front of it. It’s fairly small with tables and chairs scattered around and a bar on the side. There’s a middle aged man behind the bar counter who Allen smiles at and walks towards. Koschmider and their manager talk amongst each other before Allen turns to the five lads and tells them that they’ll be performing early evening into the early morning each day earning £15 a week each.
Paul and John looked at each other and grinned. That was the most they’ve ever made before, and it’s all from doing what they love most. “Thank you sir, we’re honored to play at your venue.” Paul gives a polite smile to Koschmider and nods. He shakes all of their hands in return.
—
Sitting backstage shortly before their show they’re tuning up their instruments, while Pete sits lounged out on a couch holding his drum sticks. It was their first show of many at the club, they wanted it to be perfect. They could hear the loudening chatter and laughter from outside behind the curtains. It was nearing 8pm and most people already had a couple of drinks. Paul was sitting on a stool staring at Stu who just sat there with an uncaring expression on his face. He rolled his eyes knowing the bloke barely attempted to even tune up his bass. He hopes between the three guitars no one will notice his lack of skills.
“You ready lads? This isn’t going to be anything like the shows we do in Liverpool. We’re getting real income!” John smiled at his bandmates. “Where are we going?”
“The toppermost of poppermost!” They all cheered back.
Koschmider came back stage to tell them they were on in five. This was it. Everything they’ve worked so hard for, everything they’ve dreamed of it’s finally here. They stood up to their feet preparing themselves to head on stage with their respected instruments.
The club owner counted them down and they made their way onto stage as the crowd of people cheered and clapped. As John announced the first song they broke out into one of their many big rock and roll covers. Paul smiled as he sang next to his best mates, not believing this was actually happening. He made eye contact with John every few songs and his friend was already watching him with every note. They sounded really good, much better than practice went, you really couldn’t even tell Stu was off beat. Maybe this was going to go better than he actually thought, the adrenaline had Paul ecstatic. Here he was on a stage in Hamburg Germany, playing right next to his best friend.
The set list ran through as they got increasingly more sweaty and their fingers got a few more blisters and callouses. The crowd also got increasingly more drunk as time went on and they cheered as the show ended, the five members took a bow and said thank you as they walked off the stage placing their instruments down. They all smiled and laughed excitedly as their shows always leave them energized. “We’ve definitely gotta hit the bar and celebrate lads that was bloody amazing!” John yelled out over the loud club energy and ran a hand through his sweaty, messed up hair.
“Hell yeah John, let’s go.” Stu jumped up ready to follow his friend, with Pete agreeing.
Paul and George quickly followed suit as they all nearly jogged to the bar. It’s somewhat hard to communicate when none of them really know much German at all, but they can easily order their drinks. They didn’t even question any of their ages, and since George was still 17 this was great news to them. There was loud chatter all through out the club and girls giggling and smiling towards them. “Check out all the birds eyeing us up.” George laughs and checks them all out wiggling his thick eyebrows towards them.
“We never get this kind of attention back home, I’m for sure taking one of these girls back with me.” Pete cackles to himself observing all of the girls inside the club.
Stu rolls his eyes. “As if they’d pick either of you first.”
“Aye! There’s enough to go ‘round!”
John glances at Paul drinking his drink secretly hoping he didn’t plan on finding any girls either so they could hang out together, he really didn’t care to find a girl tonight. Paul was looking around the club sipping his beer when he felt John’s eyes on him and slowly turned to meet them. He blushed slightly and grinned at his best mate. “Alright?”
John sips his own drink and nods back at Paul. “We sounded bloody amazing tonight, did you have fun?”
“Yes Johnny, of course. I always love performing. Were great together you and I aye?”
John laughs and agrees with Paul with an amusing glint in his eyes. “We’re The Nerk Twins.”
Paul busts out laughing remembering him and John performing together, just the two of them, earlier this year. “Just you, me, and a couple of guitars and we’re solid Johnny.” Starting to feel the affects of the alcohol he continues watching his friend, giggling at everything he says with a slight flush on his cheeks.
Noticing John and Paul sitting together having their own conversation Stu decides he wants to take his friend’s attention away from the younger boy and leans over close to John’s face. “Aye John, did you wanna go find a bird to chat up together?”
“Nah mate, I’m not feeling it tonight. I ain’t going to stop you though, have at it.” John shakes head then takes a sip of his beer shrugging. Paul starts to give an annoyed look to Stu before he hears John’s response and can’t help but to smirk to himself and hides his expression behind his own glass of beer. Stu narrows his eyes at them both finding John’s answer a bit strange but turns away to go find Pete instead.
Paul excitably asks his friend if he wants to go grab another beer and John agrees. They make their way to the bar. Paul can’t help but to look back and see if he catches Stu’s eyes anywhere, he hopes he notices them walking off together.
Eventually they sort of lose track of the others as they get more intoxicated, not caring because they were enjoying each others presences. Sitting there together, sipping their beer Paul starts yawning. John grins at him. “Tired there Macca?”
“Yeah a bit actually. And drunk.” He chuckles back.
“You know, I’m feeling a bit knackered myself. Did ya wanna head back to the Bambi?” John watches Paul waiting for his response.
Paul looks around and looks back at John. “What about the others?”
“They’re big boys I’m sure they’ve got it figured out.” John snickers.
“Well, alright.” Paul laughs a little and stands up grabbing his jacket from the back of the chair. They both make their way to the exit stumbling every few feet. Good thing their room isn’t too far of a walk. They really should think about getting to bed eventually anyway, they’ve got to be back here again tomorrow evening.
—