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Sometimes it amazes Shen Qingqiu how far he has managed to come. If you told Shen Yuan that someday he would be cuddling with his husband, he would've thought that you were joking. If you told Shen Qingqiu, after he transmigrated into this dumbfuck novel, that someday he would stop fearing death, would settle down, and find his happiness, he would've smiled bitterly and wouldn't have believed you. If you told Shen Qingqiu, after the plot was finished, and he was living with an emotionally unstable demon lord, that someday they would resolve their issues, and relearn each other's habits, and be finally content, he would've…
Well…
By then, so many unimaginable things have happened, there is a chance he would've actually believed you.
Yeah! Life is good now!
Shen Qingqiu remembers those first turbulent months of living with Luo Binghe. Binghe was so scared to take a wrong step and be abandoned again, he tried to predict his master's every need and want. And Shen Qingqiu was so scared to hurt his precious disciple again, he didn't dare to refuse anything that Binghe tried to give him. Things got much better after Shen Qingqiu got over his paper-thin face and quietly admitted that actually sometimes he would prefer for Binghe to stay in bed and cuddle for a little bit and maybe share a couple of kisses, and maybe Binghe should stop leaving him to wake up all alone in their big cold bed to go make him a breakfast! He didn't want breakfast, he wanted to wake up with his heated weighted blanket husband on top of him!
After that, Shen Qingqiu never woke up in an empty bed when Binghe was home.
Being close to his husband was one of many little pleasures in life. Hugging, cuddling, kissing, holding hands, being close to each other, doing other… stuff… One would expect that after being married for many years, things like that would get old! But it seems that both of them are getting only stickier.
Yes, that's right! Shen Qingqiu has gone through his share of character development! He can admit that he misses his husband when he needs to leave to do his emperor-y duties.
Even after all those years, it still hurt to be apart. But every touch feels much sweeter when they reunite…
It is the morning after one of such reunions. Binghe was gone for just a week, but each day felt like a month, so they spent the whole night showing how much they missed each other. And maybe some portion of the morning too.
Now all the active reuniting is done for, they can simply bask in each other's presence.
Shen Qingqiu lies almost on top of Binghe, his head on the broad chest, their legs intertwined. Both of them are nude, clothes discarded for a while now. The situation doesn't feel as sexual as it feels intimate. They simply lay together, enjoying sensations.
Binghe's arm is thrown over his husband's waist, holding him close. Shen Qingqiu can feel him playing with his hair, taking a long strand and rolling it between his fingers, lightly pulling and twirling it. Shen Qingqiu, on the other hand, is petting his husband's shoulder, skin soft and warm to the touch. He traces small circles with his finger pads, squeezes the muscles, and gently presses on protruding bones, enjoying the smoothness.
Slowly, his hand starts to migrate lower from shoulder to chest. It's big and muscular yet so soft and plush, perfect to lay on after the long day. Shen Qingqiu keeps caressing Binghe's skin. He purposely ignores the man's nipples (he doesn't want to rile him up just yet). Instead, his hand stumbles upon something else.
Shen Qingqiu's fingers feel a slight variation in the texture. Instead of smooth, warm, perfect skin, there is something that isn't supposed to be there. Scar from Xiu Ya.
Shen Qingqiu starts mindlessly tracing it. For the longest time it was the biggest source of guilt, shame, and pain in his life. It was a reminder of his mistakes, how he hurt Binghe, how he misunderstood him. In the beginning, he couldn't understand why Binghe kept it in the first place. He could just use his Heavenly Demon powers and erase it. Instead, he chose to wear it with pride.
Shen Qingqiu used to think it was some form of selfharm. After all, why else would Binghe keep it even after they got together? Surely, it was so he could remind himself that none of it is permanent! So that he could never relax in his new reality. So that he is constantly faced with the reminder that at any moment for no reason his shizun can turn on him and throw him away. Surely, it was a result of an unhealthy mindset!
Well. At least that was what Shen Qingqiu thought.
But after some more misunderstandings and scheming and failed missions to retrieve a miracle flower that could erase any scar, Luo Bighe had finally explained what scar from Xiu Ya meant to him.
Luo Binghe didn't see his scar as proof that his shizun hates him. Instead, it was like an ultimate gift to him! It was a permanent mark etched in his flesh. It was a precious memento from his loved one. It was something that helped him to get through when he was at his lowest. It gave him the feeling like shizun was near even if he was far. It was (from a demonic point of view) kind of hot to wear a scar given to you by your beloved.
Anyway. After some awkward conversations, and sappy confessions Shen Qingqiu gave in. You want to have a scar? Have a scar!
It took Shen Qingqiu some time to reframe how he viewed the scar. He adjusted.
Now he can even admit to himself that the scar isn't that bad. He traces the edges, noting the texture variations. A thin line of slightly bumpy tissue. Skin here is simultaneously thin and stiff. It's just a scar if he is being honest, there is nothing special about it (if you ignore the fact that in xianxia setting everyone is peerlessly beautiful and has absolutely no skin imperfections). After years of living with Binghe, Shen Qingqiu got used to seeing it. In fact, he even started to appreciate it.
Firstly, it kind of makes his husband look more handsome, in a way? Listen, he hates when Binghe gets hurt more than anyone in this world. But even he can admit that scars are kinda hot. His Binghe is very soft and sensitive, like a young maiden. The scar gives Binghe this slightly edgy, rugged, warrior-y look. It's called gap-moe for a reason, there has to be a gap! There is something exciting in seeing such a wicked thing on the body of a sweet man. Of course, it would've been completely different if this scar was left by an enemy. No matter how hot his husband looks, Shen Qingqiu would not tolerate Binghe being marked by someone who wanted to hurt him. This one at least was made by him, and also Binghe likes it, so this one can stay. But no more!
Secondly, this scar kind of saved his life! Shen Qingqiu mentally shudders, remembering his second encounter with Bingge and what could've happened had he not noticed the lack of the scar. Of course, the protagonist of Proud Immortal Demon Way was his favorite character of all time. Meeting him in person, though? No thanks! Not again!
The last reason kind of relates to the previous one. For Binghe, this scar represents the love of his husband. For Shen Qingqiu the scar represents that all of it is real. This is the real world, he is surrounded by real people, there is no plot, and he is free to do what he thinks is right. There are so many differences between original Bingge and his own Bingmei, but this scar is the most tangible of them. Bingge never had any scars, but his husband has one. He is not a fictional character but a real person. Both of them are real people. And this scar is proof of that. They hurt each other, and they chose to forgive each other.
Shen Qingqiu takes a deep breath and puts his palm on Binghe's chest, right on top of his scar, right on top of his heart. It doesn't stay there for a long time. Binghe gently takes Shen Qingqiu's hand in his and brings it to his lips to give him a soft kiss.
"Is something bothering you, husband?" He asks, voice quiet and slightly rough in the morning.
"It's nothing, Binghe. This husband just got lost in his thoughts."
Binghe hums and keeps kissing his hand, his fingers, his wrist. Usually, Shen Qingqiu would've been very distracted by his actions, but right now he can't stop staring at the scar.
Feeling mortally wounded from the lack of attention, Binghe pouts and asks again, "What is shizun thinking about so hard?"
"I also want one."
Binghe frowns, not understanding. "What does husband want?"
"The scar. I want you to give me a scar."
There is a pause, and a moment later Shen Qingqiu can feel the look full of horror Binghe is sending him. He opens his mouth to say something, but all he manages is a quiet wheeze, so he closes his mouth. On the second attempt it gets better: he manages to choke out a whole "Why?" before losing his voice once again.
Shen Qingqiu's mind, on the other hand, is racing. He is seeing the goal and sees no obstacles. Usually, he thinks before speaking, but not in this case. His words about wanting a scar seemingly came right out of his heart, bypassing his mind. He was surprised by his words, but he immediately realized that his heart is a genius and that's exactly what he should do.
"I want you to give me a scar," Shen Qingqiu repeats.
Hearing those words the second time doesn't make it better for Luo Binghe. In fact, it only gets worse. Because the first time those words were said absentmindedly, you could've thought that his husband misspoke or maybe fell asleep and was sleep talking nonsense. But the second time those words were said with conviction. There were certainty and determination. Luo Binghe can tell that his husband has already started planning. There is an excitement in his eyes, a certain kind of animated liveliness that he gains every time he plans their dates. It would've been an adorable sight if husband weren't talking about wanting a scar!
"Husband wants this one to hurt him?" Luo Binghe asks in a tiny voice.
"Who said anything about hurting me?" Shen Qingqiu looks at his husband like he is the unreasonable one. "I was thinking about you giving some kind of mark. It doesn't have to be a scar. Tattoo would go. Or maybe a brand?" His voice trails off and gets uncannily dreamy.
"I'm not branding you like cattle!" Binghe shouts, almost on the verge of tears. He doesn't understand, how his husband can speak about himself like that? And suggesting that he is the one who should do that? It's just so…
"Who said anything about cattle?" Shen Qingqiu, who just got shouted in his ears, asks with indignation. "I just want some kind of permanent mark so we can match! Didn't you say many times that your scar is like an ultimate love mark? I also want one."
Luo Binghe is speechless.
"It's not like it would hurt. You can just numb my skin using your blood parasites. You have done it many times already! So what's the problem?" Shen Qingqiu slightly rises to look his husband in the face.
"Besides," his voice gets lower, "isn't it what you do all the time?" He bares his neck, showing fresh hickeys and bite marks. "I thought you loved marking me up."
'Love' was an understatement. Luo Binghe was obsessed with marking up his husband. The action stroked his primal demonic instincts and his human desires. He wanted to stake a claim on his partner. To show the whole world that he was his. To know that he would never leave him.
Shen Qingqiu gets closer and closer to Binghe's face, looking him right in the eyes. "This way I would always wear your mark."
There is a pause.
"I was thinking about the mark in the shape of your zuiyin," Shen Qingqiu says coyly.
Luo Binghe growls and tackles his shameless beloved to passionately kiss him. Shen Qingqiu can already tell it won't stop at kisses. Well…
The day has just begun.
"Are you sure?"
Luo Binghe asks this question for what seems like the hundredth time. Shen Qingqiu rolls his eyes. What is he supposes to do with this husband of his! Honestly, it looks like he is the one getting not-branded.
"Yes, Binghe, this master is sure."
"This one just wanted to remind shizun that if he wants to stop, he can just say a wor-" Shen Qingqiu's glare cuts off Binghe's nervous rambling.
One would think that he is being cruel. How could he! Forcing his poor, maiden-hearted husband to perform such a distressing ritual! What a bad husband!
Shen Qingqiu doesn't feel bad at all.
Shen Qingqiu recognizes that face. He recognizes the blown pupils, hitching breath and shaking hands. He has seen this face many times, he knows what it means.
Luo Binghe is really into it.
He is so horny it makes him look stupid! He is so into it, he is barely holding himself back from pouncing on Shen Qingqiu! He asks him, 'Are you sure?' again and again because he wants to hear Shen Qingqiu repeat it! He thinks it's hot!
Shen Qingqiu doesn't feel bad for Binghe. Look at him, he is almost drooling!
Shen Qingqiu's thoughts are probably written on his face, because for the moment the sheepish look in Luo Binghe's eyes turns into something more predatory. It disappears as fast as it appeared, though.
"This one just wants for shizun to be comfortable," He says in a very unconvincing innocent voice.
Shen Qingqiu rolls his eyes again, "This one is plenty comfortable."
It's true. He is sprawled on their bed, half lying half sitting, propped up with dozens of pillows. He is wearing his usual sleeping robe. It's softand comfortable and could be easily taken off. For the ease of access to his skin, of course.
"Let's get started then," Luo Binghe steps closer to the bed, holding a long metallic rod. At one of the ends, it has the shape of Binghe's demon mark. It's not very big, about the same size as an original. It's going to be on Shen Qingqiu's skin. He is suddenly very aware of his heartbeat.
The morning that started it all was weeks ago. It took them both some time to realize that the initial proposal wasn't made in a fit of horny insanity and that the idea of wearing his husband's mark on his body pleases Shen Qingqiu in a way he doesn't want to unpack yet. Working out the logistics of the whole ordeal took even longer. They needed to figure out the size and placement of the mark, the method of marking, and how and when they were going to do it.
Basically, Shen Qingqiu had a lot of time to mentally prepare himself. But even with all the preparations he can't help feeling nervous. Luo Binghe thankfully doesn't comment on his husband's state. Shen Qingqiu feels that if Binghe asked him, 'Are you sure?' again, he would throw him.
Luo Binghe finally sits down on the bed and moves over to where his husband lies. Shen Qingqiu, without a word, raises his hips and then lowers them across Binghe's lap. Binghe gives a long, firm pet to his leg, like he's trying to calm down a skittish horse, and opens the robe.
Choosing a method of leaving a mark was pretty difficult. Binghe refused to perform any method that would require any injuries, so scarification or branding were vetoed out. They were considering having Binghe draw a tattoo. But then it turned out that regular tattoos don't stick on immortals and heal relatively fast. There are special tattoos for cultivator, but they are extremely painful to make, and neither of them wanted that. Shen Qingqiu even tried to remember some plot devices from PIDW, but everything he could think of was dubious at best.
In the end they found a method that is safe, simple, almost painless, and not degrading. It required a special metal that could channel demonic qi. After pressing it to bare skin, it would leave a permanent mark. And since it wasn't a physical mark but more of a qi impression, a person could easily make it invisible to an eye. How convenient is that! Shen Qingqiu was worried about the prospect of getting into Mu Qingfang's hands and him finding the mark and Shen Qingqiu having to explain it, but it seems that he doesn't have to worry about that.
However, there is a nuance. This method of marking is usually used to mark allies. This is why it's so 'humanistic' despite being invented by demons. For a demon, getting a small foreign demonic qi infusion is basically nothing. But Shen Qingqiu is not a demon. He has some demonic parasites in his blood, but it's not the same. For him, getting demonic qi infusion would be... uncomfortable...
It's probably going to be rather painful, really. It's okay, of course. Both of them calculated the risks and agreed to do that. It still makes him nervous.
Shen Qingqiu squirms slightly on his husband's lap. They chose this position since it gives Binghe both good leverage and easy access to area getting marked. They debated between leaving a mark on a wrist, collarbone, above heart, or above the tailbone. But in the end Shen Qingqiu decided that he wanted it above his hip bone.
Shen Qingqiu feels a cold touch on his stomach and almost jumps from surprise, but Binghe holds him down.
"Husband, is this placement to your liking?" He asks, voice calm and even. Good to know that at least someone is calm here.
Shen Qingqiu raises his head to look and sees where the mark is going to go.
"Yes. This is good." His throat is really dry.
"This one is going to start. Does husband need something to hold?"
Shen Qingqiu thinks for a moment and then takes Binghe's free hand. His eyes widen for a moment, and then he smiles at him, looking very fond. Shen Qingqiu coughs and shyly averts his gaze, "That would be enough." Luo Binghe nods and squeezes his hand.
Binghe slightly changes his grip on his husband for more convenience and less bucking and starts channeling his demonic qi. Shen Qingqiu can see the metal getting redder, and his whole body tenses.
"Get ready," Binghe says, and Shen Qingqiu forcefully untenses his body and breathes out.
Shen Qingqiu wants to get through this process with dignity, like a real man. He can't help the long hiss he lets out when the metal finally touches his skin. He squeezes his husband's hand and endures it.
The sensation is weird. It doesn't really feel like pain since nothing in his organism is technically getting hurt. But for a human, demonic qi is fundamentally foreign. It feels wrong, it feels alien, it feels bad, and it's difficult to endure, and he wants to get away. But he endures it. It's going to be worth it.
The pain disappears just as fast as it appeared. Shen Qingqiu's body sags with relief, and he can't protest it when Binghe gathers him on his lap and holds him, whispering sweet, soothing nothings. He melts in his husband's arms and sighs. It's weird. It feels like his body can't believe that pain like that can just disappear without a trace. He expects there to be soreness, or burning, or itching, or something else.
Shen Qingqiu moves away from Binghe's embrace, just enough so he could look down. He looks at his stomach and sees it.
Binghe's demon mark. His mark.
Shen Qingqiu can't breathe. Its shape is exactly like Binghe's demon mark, although the color is different. Binghe's zuiyin is normally a beautiful shade of red. Shen Qingqiu's mark, on the other hand, looks more like a dark birthmark, although maybe a bit more reddish with neat edges. He carefully touches his new mark with his fingertips, expecting it to feel tender. But the touch doesn't hurt, so he traces it more firmly. There is a slight variation in texture: skin around the mark feels bumpy and swollen. However, Shen Qingqiu has a feeling that it's going to disappear after some time and the mark will look like a natural part of his skin.
Shen Qingqiu feels giddy.
They did it. They actually did it. Binghe left his mark on him, and now it's part of his skin, and now they both have marks that show their belonging to each other.
It feels good. It feels right.
Is this what people feel after they get a tattoo? Because now he can understand why so many people don't stop at only one tattoo. Some part of him wants to get more marks! Cover himself with many, many marks!
Ah, but he is getting ahead of himself.
Shen Qingqiu concentrates his spiritual energy at the placement of the mark. He can feel Binghe's spiritual signature there. It doesn't feel foreign to his body thanks to blood parasites, but the presence is tangible. He channels a small amount of qi into his mark, and it disappears. He can still feel it, and he can see the swollen skin, but in the end the mark is completely invisible. He channels qi again, and it reappears.
Shen Qingqiu feels so excited he wants giggle.
Suddenly, Shen Qingqiu gets tipped over onto his back. It seems that his husband has grown tired of being ignored and decided to take matters into his own hands. Luo Binghe crawls down the bed so he can comfortably lay his fluffy head on Shen Qingqiu's stomach. He slightly nuzzles the skin near the mark like a dog, and he stares at it. His pupils are huge, and his eyes are filled with awe. His breath is ragged, like he can't decide whether he wants to hold it or to pant.
Binghe raises his eyes to look at Shen Qingqiu. They are so shiny, like his husband has given him the greatest gift. "May this one touch it?" He asks. His voice is low, almost whispering.
Shen Qingqiu hums and nods once. Binghe tears his gaze from his husband's eyes and returns it to the mark. His touch is so gentle it tickles. Binghe traces the edges reverently, almost worshiping it with his fingertips. He looks mesmerized.
"Well, how do I look?" Shen Qingqiu speaks with feigned confidence. On the inside his skin is pricking with the intensity of his husband's attention. It feels almost unbearable. He doesn't want it to stop.
For a moment, Luo Binghe doesn't say anything and just keeps looking at Shen Qingqiu's mark, like he can't force himself to tear his eyes away just yet. But then he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and kisses the mark. The kiss is wet, alternating between careful presses of lips and tongue. Before that, Shen Qingqiu felt like the mark didn't feel different from the rest of the skin. Now it feels like it's the most sensitive part of his body.
Eventually Luo Binghe opens his eyes and looks at Shen Qingqiu. His gaze is full of heat. His voice is rough when he speaks. "You look mine."
Shen Qingqiu shivers.
Well...
That was kind of the point, wasn't it?