Work Text:
Buck was as beautiful as the day Eddie had first seen him.
Sure, Eddie had disarmed and punted him to the ground when Buck had pulled a knife on him that same day, but… things had been different back then. Things were different now.
Now? Eddie leaned against the worn wall inside a barn-turned-event-space in Jackson, nursing a half-empty glass of whatever alcohol was available. He convinced himself the cold sting in his throat was just from the drink.
Bobby, Athena, and the rest of the council had gone all out this year. Warm lights strung along the rafters, bathing gold over the sea of people swaying and spinning below to a lively folk ballad that the band was playing. If things were normal, Eddie would join them. He’d join Buck, his—
No. Not his.
After what Eddie did? Not anymore.
Eddie’s eyes drifted to Buck, who was dancing like the whole room was made for him, bending the crowd wherever his smile turned. His hair curled with sweat, cheeks pink from the warmth of too many bodies swaying together, as his own spun like gravity had nothing on it. Alive in so many ways that made Eddie ache. Eddie wished he could be alive with him.
But Buck bestowed that honor to Ravi.
Eddie recognized him from a few patrols. Saved Eddie’s ass a couple of times when his mind was preoccupied with too much Buck. Good guy. Reliable. He had been the one who fixed up their house for when… if they returned from Utah. The two could probably fill Buck and Eddie’s house better than they ever did. Yeah. Ravi was good for Buck.
The soft clink of glass on wood pulled him back.
Eddie blinked. “Bobby?”
His captain nodded in greeting and stood beside him.
“Glad to see you’re out here, Eddie,” Bobby said, taking a sip from the glass of juice in his hand. “Thought you’d be hiding back home.”
Eddie huffed out a breath. “Not hiding.”
“Good.”
Bobby’s gaze followed the direction of Eddie’s. Buck and Ravi were mid-laugh, their eyes bright under the barn lights as they spun around each other. Some folks clapped in rhythm; others hooted and hollered.
“He looks happy,” Bobby pointed out.
“Yeah,” Eddie replied. “He does.”
“Bet he could be happier, though.”
Eddie glanced over, but his captain didn’t meet his eyes, still watching Buck charm the entire room without even lifting a finger.
Ever since Buck and Eddie had made a home here, Bobby had taken the latter under his wing without hesitation. Whether it was morning patrol or hunting expeditions, Buck was always eager to ride alongside Bobby—soaking up every bit of knowledge that Bobby offered like he was starving for it.
There was that one night. Eddie had come home, exhausted, after spending the day reinforcing buildings along the edge of town, he had found Buck and Bobby in the kitchen, laughing over a pot of chili they made together. The whole place smelled like spice and smoke, and Buck had flour on his shirt and a grin that Eddie hadn’t seen for days. But the two hadn’t noticed him yet. So, Eddie slipped away before that grin did too.
When Buck had gotten his hands on a sniper rifle, Eddie smiled at the thought of helping Buck learn how to use the weapon, just like he had with the hunting rifle. Only for Buck to shrug him off with an awkward smile and explain that Bobby had already taught him. They’d practice together whenever they were on patrol. Eddie had forced a smile then, but it sat wrong in his chest. He hadn’t even known.
If Eddie ever disappeared… At least Buck would still have Bobby. And Ravi, now.
The song spun out with a flourish, ending in the lilting swell of strings and applause. In the center of the dance floor, Ravi dipped Buck, one hand strong at his back, the other holding his hand high. Buck was grinning as Bobby loudly clapped beside him along with the rest of the room.
Eddie felt his ribs bend inward.
The band didn’t pause for long. A slower, more melancholic song replaced the last one. Most people left the dance floor, some wandering off to chat, others lining up for food. The ones that stayed were in pairs—Buck and Ravi included. They pulled closer, fitting together like they’d done it a thousand times already.
Athena appeared from the crowd and gave Eddie a small smile. “Mind if I steal my husband for a dance?”
Eddie mustered a smile. “Go ahead.”
Bobby squeezed his shoulder before Athena took Bobby’s hand and led him away, leaving Eddie alone again. He seemed destined to be so.
Buck and Ravi were still in the center, swaying to the music. Eddie didn’t mean to stare. But he couldn’t help but reminisce when they had done that together. Many, many nights ago. Ravi leaned in and said something low against Buck’s ear. Buck’s eyebrows furrowed, mouth forming a small frown. Then Buck turned.
Right toward Eddie.
Caught in the act, Eddie glanced away too fast, suddenly all too aware of his empty glass. Shit, what did Ravi say to him?
When Eddie chanced a glance back to the dance floor, Buck’s eyes were back at Ravi’s as he said something back. Ravi nodded. They leaned into each other, arms locking tighter, Ravi brushing a loose curl from Buck’s hair.
Eddie needed something stronger.
Head buzzing, he pushed off the wall and started for the refreshment table, steps heavier than they should be. He could still feel Buck’s stare on his back. Or he only wished he did.
He was halfway to the table when a loud voice thundered across the dance floor.
Raised voices replaced the music.
Eddie swiveled just as someone shouted. That voice—
Gerrard. Of course.
In the middle of the floor, Gerrard was jabbing a finger at Buck and Ravi, probably spouting whatever inane bullshit he had drunk into his system tonight. The two were still interlocked, Ravi’s hands curling around Buck’s waist.
“C’mon, Buck, let’s just go,” Ravi said under his breath, already steering them toward the exit. “He’s not worth it.”
“That’s right, scram!” Gerrard shouted after them.
Then, loud enough for Eddie to hear, Gerrard spat on the ground and sneered.
“Fuckin’ fags.”
Eddie didn’t think.
He saw Buck move. But Eddie was faster. His fist met Gerrard’s jaw before the man even saw him coming. It ached red-hot, but better his fist than his heart.
“Get the fuck out of here,” Eddie spat back at Gerrard’s pathetic figure on the ground.
Athena and Bobby were already on Gerrard, lifting him up and all but dragging him out. While Athena was telling Gerrard something about taking a walk outside, Bobby shot a glance at Eddie, both a warning and worry in his eyes. There would be consequences for this. But Eddie didn’t care. Not when it involved Buck.
Eddie had killed an entire army for him. He could kill a hundred more.
The barn doors shut behind Athena and Bobby, all eyes trained on Eddie now.
Even Buck’s. Buck’s eyes, which were so deep and blue and calm—
“What the hell is wrong with you?!”
Eddie had never seen such fire in those eyes until now. Oh, how they burned. For Eddie. Or rather, because of him. To think that Eddie put those fires there, instead of putting them out. He should burn instead. Let Buck’s words be the kindling.
The entire room stayed silent.
“He…” Eddie blinked. “He had no right—”
“And you think you do?”
Gone were Eddie’s words. He tried to open his mouth, but nothing came out. Buck didn’t stop.
“I don’t need your fucking protection, Eddie.”
Eddie should say something. Why isn’t he saying something? He looked down to his chest to find Buck’s knife lodged in his chest. That must be why he couldn’t speak.
“I don’t need you.” Buck twisted the knife deeper. “Not anymore.”
Ravi stayed quiet, standing behind him with a hand on Buck’s lower back.
Eddie turned to Buck. Then to Ravi. Then to everyone else.
The walls were suddenly too close—he needed to leave and pull the knife out before he bled out and everyone could see him for who he really was. See what Eddie took away from all of them.
But when Eddie blinked, the two had already beaten him to it. Blending into the blur of bodies and witnesses surrounding them without looking back. At the corpse they left behind.
Eddie just stood there, chest bleeding wide open for everyone to see under the fairy lights. He would stand there for eons if it meant Buck would come back for him and give Eddie another chance. A chance to explain everything that had happened in Utah. How he saved Buck’s life.
No more lies, not anymore. Not this time.
But until then.
Eddie would have to survive.
Alone.