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Sometimes he thought about buying into those silly little curses just so he could choose a god and curse them. Eddie Diaz didn’t pity himself often, but when he woke up with Buck’s stupid alarm blaring, his thighs aching, and his stomach cramping. He was ready to start crying and screaming ‘ God! Why me?! Why me?! ’ Instead he chose to be an adult, and he rolled out of bed and rushed into the bathroom and cursed himself some more while he dug through the bathroom closet looking for the box of tampons he stashed. His boxers were ruined and stained, and his stomach tightened and rippled in pain. He could only take a slow deep breath, in through his nose and out through his mouth, and he pressed a hand to his lower belly and squeezed his eyes shut.
Fifteen minutes later, pausing every two minutes to breathe, Eddie had fresh boxers on, cleaned himself up, and stashed his ruined ones in the trash. Buck was just waking up, and his alarm was still blaring. He was sat up shoving his fist into his eye, his hair a curly rat’s nest, and a loud yawn ripping from his chest while he stretched. Usually, it was cute, it was adorable, and Eddie would have jumped back in bed and talked Buck into fooling around for ten more minutes. Today his alarm was loud. It was so fucking loud for no goddamn reason, and Buck was taking his sweet time shutting it off. Eddie’s mood was already sour, and his annoyance was bubbling under his skin. Eddie walked back to his side of the bed and picked up his pillow he had thrown during his sleep and pelted it at Buck’s head. “Eds! What the fuck?!”
“Shut your damn alarm off,” He huffed. Buck’s face scrunched into a sour expression, and he snatched his phone off his nightstand and shut it off.
“Good morning to you too, babe.”
They had been living together for two months now, and quickly crossed that line of friendship. The line that had been well faded, and barely ever drawn into the sand. They’ve been dating for two months, and it's been going great. In their years of working so closely together, and the many nights of sleep overs it meant that Eddie and Buck had seen every gross and nasty side of each other. Eddie wasn’t a stranger to grumpy mornings, but within their two months of dating Eddie hadn’t had his period. Buck didn’t even know that sometimes he still got a full blown period.
To be fair, everyone knew he was transgender. It wasn’t something he hid. He talked about it proudly when he was hanging up pictures of Chris in his locker, and one particular picture had caught the eyes of his new coworkers 8 years ago. It was himself holding his pregnant belly. His army shirt rolled up under where he still had breasts, and his dog tags clasped between his teeth as he looked at the camera with wide eyes and his hands resting gently over his belly. It was one of his favorite pictures, and also one of his least favorite pictures. Buck had never asked about periods, or the inner workings of what being on HRT did to his body. It never came up in conversation between them. It was rare for him to get a full blown period, but once in a fucking blue moon it hit him like a semi-truck going eighty miles per hour. Usually, if that time of the month snuck up on him he got few symptoms, and spotting. It was easy to hide.
Of course, Hen knew that sometimes he got the full thing. She understood why he kept it on the down low. It wasn’t like he wanted to tell her- he didn’t like talking about it -Testosterone made him irregular- so sometimes his periods caught him by surprise. Sometimes he didn’t have supplies, and had to seek out help from the only person on shift who’d understand. Who wouldn't tell anyone. In the two months he’d been with Buck it never happened, he had cramps for a week when he first came home, but nothing since.
Eddie and Buck got ready for their shift silently together. Eddie was even more quiet than usual. They tag-teamed getting Chris ready for school, Eddie got him up, and Buck packed his lunch and organized his book bag. In the truck as they finally made their way toward the station; Eddie could only breathe deeply and squeeze his eyes shut, and prayed for an easy day and for his own emotions to calm down.
~*~
By the time they pulled into the station Eddie felt ready to tear off anybody’s head that even looked at him wrong. He was starving, he was nauseous, and he ached all over. A headache began to settle behind his eyes. He didn’t bother to wait for Buck to get out of the truck before he was stomping into the building. He tossed his things into the locker room, and stomped up the stairs to the loft kitchen. He was rummaging, looking for something sweet, and for something that would satisfy his cravings.
“Sweetheart,” Buck’s voice was almost shrill in his ears. He didn’t bother to turn around as he kept tearing through the cabinets. “Eds, are you alright? Did I do something that upset you?”
Eddie sighed. “No, Buck. I’m fine, just tired.” He huffed and slammed one of the door to a cabinet shut and groaned. “Do we not have anything sweet?” He huffed neary slamming a cabinet door shut. Buck winced and set a mug of coffee down in front of him. “God, I want something covered in chocolate, or fuckin’ candy!” He was pouting, and he knew he probably looked petulant and childish begging for candy and chocolate. Still, he wanted something sweet- he was craving something sweet.
“I can make pancakes,” Buck offered softly, a big warm hand on the small of Eddie’s back hoping to ground him. Eddie just wished he’d press a little harder, dig his fingers into the muscle there, and he heaved a sigh and nodded.
“Are you okay?” Chim asked, worry laced all over his features. He wasn’t sure how long Chim had been watching him tear through the cabinets of the loft kitchen. Eddie nodded, flushing a light pink, and he avoided his eyes meeting Hen’s instead who only looked sympathetic. She was too smart for her own good. Or maybe a spade just recognized a spade. Buck was wordless, quickly whipping up the batter to make pancakes, and Eddie could only plop down at the table and tuck his face into his arms.
He felt betrayed. That was the best way to describe it. He felt betrayed by his own body, and the way his cramps rolled in his abdomen. His headache was only getting worse, and he knew no pain pill would ever settle it. He was doomed to be achy for the rest of his shift. He snuck one hand to his stomach, he let his fingers dig into the muscle there, and desperately tried to rub out the rolling cramps. He wanted to crawl into bed, he wanted to curl up into a fetal position, and he wanted to sob or maybe punch things. More importantly he wanted to weasel his way into Buck’s arms and let his heartbeat lull him to sleep.
“Eddie you okay?” Bobby’s voice was too loud, but he knew better than to snap at his boss. Instead, he put a thumbs up and nuzzled further into his own arm. It wasn’t long until he felt Hen’s manicured nails gently rubbing his back, and the rest of the kitchen falling into the business of his coworkers. Buck was making a racket in the kitchen making the pancakes, Bobby assisting in frying up some eggs and bacon, Chim and Hen talking casually, but too damn loud for Eddie’s head. He puffed out a breath and lifted his head rubbing at his temples with his eyes closed.
“You guys are so loud,” he complained with his tone full of sharp edges.
“What’d you do, Buck?” Chim teased, voice lilting up, and then he blew a bubble and popped it loudly. Usually Chim’s gum chewing wasn’t a problem. Today every pop and snap drilled nails into his skull. “Why is he grumpy?” Chim asked, and Buck scoffed like he was offended.
“Why would I know?” Buck huffed.
“Because you’re joined at the hip- literally.” Chim shot back.
“ Well ,” Buck sighed. “I don’t know. He woke up grumpy- tossed a pillow at my head and everything.”
Eddie lifted his head to glare at Buck. “Your alarm is annoyingly loud, and you were taking forever to shut it off.”
Buck gaped at him, open and closed his mouth for several seconds, and then just shut it looking like Eddie had kicked his puppy. Eddie felt bad, he knew Buck didn’t deserve to be snapped at, and suddenly he felt like he could fucking cry about it. Without another word he pushed up off the table and walked toward Buck, and then just fell against Buck’s shoulder. He nuzzled his face into his thick bicep, and then directly into his neck when Buck opened his arm and let Eddie burrow. “I’m sorry,” He whispered.
“Eds,” Buck whispered softly, wrapping both arms around him. “Hey, hey no it’s okay.” Buck’s lips were soft on his forehead. His hands were gentle on his back as he rubbed up and down trying to calm Eddie down. It was working. Buck was gently swaying them, and Eddie curled into him and pressed his nose against Buck’s collarbone. He could feel the other’s eyes on him, he could hear Chim whispering to either Hen or Bobby, but he didn’t care. “Okay,” Buck whispered. “Eds are you feelin’ okay?”
Eddie had his eyes closed, sleep licking at the soles of his feet, and Buck’s scent and steady heartbeat lulling him into something soft and quiet. He hummed in answer, and Buck chuckled softly. “Eds, Eddie,” He said more firmly. “Are you sick?”
“‘m fine,” He whispered. “Just tired.”
“Okay, why don’t you go lay down on the couch until breakfast is ready,” Buck said gently, trying to pry himself away from Eddie, but then Eddie was looking at him and pouting. “I can- I’ll lay down with you?”
Since they started dating Eddie hadn’t been big on PDA especially at the workplace. Sometimes they held hands, sometimes they’d throw an arm around the other, or steal a quick kiss when they’ve been separated for too long. Rarely did they get away with openly cuddling. Buck flopped back on the couch, one leg propped up leaned against the back of it, his back pressed into the corner where the arm and back of the couch met, and his other leg on the ground. It was an open invitation for Eddie to fit himself between Buck’s legs and lay on his chest. It was how they cuddled at home when they watched whatever trash reality show was able to numb their minds. Buck dropped a kiss to his head, and gently rubbed his back in soothing patterns.
Bobby took up making the pancakes, and he could still hear Chim and Hen talking lowly but he didn’t think it was about him. It didn’t matter anyway. He focused on the warmth of Buck’s body against his, the soothing weight of his hands on his back, and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat under his ear.
~*~
He was miserable. His cramps had been going for a steady hour, and his legs were aching. His thighs were sore, and his lower back felt like it was going to tweak if he made one wrong move. His mood was no better. He had thrown up twice out of pain and nausea, and now a headache settled right behind his eyes. He leaned against the truck with his hand pressed to his stomach, and his eyes squeezed shut as he waited for the wave of pain to pass.
“Here,” Hen’s voice startled him. He peeked at her and she was holding out three little white pills for him. “Midol.”
“Thanks,” He whispered.
“Have you told Buck?” She asked with a gentle tilt of her head as she offered him a bottle of water to wash the pills down. “He’s worried about you, and you keep giving him whiplash with how quickly you bite his head off and then seek out his comfort.”
Eddie rolled his eyes. “It’s embarrassing,” He hissed. “I’m a man, Hen. Men aren’t supposed to get-” He motioned toward his belly, and he groaned as it constricted and tightened. “It hasn’t happened since we started dating, and I just- I don’t want to tell him.”
Hen looked at him in that way she did when she thought he was being silly. “He’s your boyfriend, Eddie.”
“I don’t want him to look at me differently,” Eddie sighed.
“Oh Eddie,” Hen tutted and squeezed his shoulder. “He loves you. He won’t look at you any differently.”
Eddie sighed and thunked his head back against the engine. He knew she was right, she was always right, but it didn’t stop the embarrassment that flooded his brain and body. She squeezed his shoulder a final time, and then left him alone with his thoughts.
~*~
Eddie wasn’t ashamed of being transgender. He was proud of who he was, and he was proud of how far he had come within his transition and his confidence. There were days where his own dysphoria kicked his ass, and knocked out any self assuredness from him. Days when he woke up on his period already nauseous, sore, and feeling gross his dysphoria wrapped around him with its slimy tendrils. It whispered in his ear nasty little things about how he would never be a real man. Real men didn’t get pregnant. Real men didn’t get periods. You’re not a real man . You’ll never be a real man .
It was those thoughts that made him stiff, achy, and scared to tell Buck what he was going through. Logically he knew Buck wouldn’t care, he’d still see Eddie as a man, and he’d probably (in all honesty) take care of Eddie like would if he was sick. The what ifs in his head were venomous. The voice that whispered to him was laced with poison. It infected everything he knew. Buck was dating him because he was man, Buck liked men, and not fucking-
Eddie groaned and rolled over in his bunk and pressed his face into the wall. The cool, drywall did little to chill his flushed skin, but it was welcomed against his forehead and sweaty hairline. He kicked the blanket off and huffed again. Irritation wrapped an iron claw around his chest, and he scrubbed his face feeling disgusting and oily. He wanted to cry. He didn’t, but the nag of tears were heavy in the back of his throat. He felt miserable, uncomfortable. He wanted it all to go away. He slipped a hand between his thighs, cupped his pulsing cunt in hopes to get the soreness to ease.
Then his bed dipped, a hand squeezed his thigh, and he twisted until his back was against the mattress. Eddie removed his hand away from between his legs, and rested it on his lower belly instead. Buck stared at him with blue eyes swimming with worry, and his lip was between his teeth as he chewed on it nervously. Eddie reached up and pulled the bottom lip free from his mouth with his thumb. “Are you gonna chew my head off if I lay with you?” Buck asked. They didn’t always share a bunk on account that they were usually too small for the both of them to fit, and the room was too hot for cuddling. Eddie wanted Buck, wanted to feel his skin against his, and he wanted to feel his pulse under his fingertips.
“You can lay down,” Eddie whispered. “I’m sorry I’ve been grouchy today.”
Eddie scooted until his back was flush against the cool wall, and Buck laid down facing him, their legs tangled and their noses were almost touching. It was late, the bunk room was nearly quiet with a few snores and creaks from other beds. Buck gently touched Eddie’s cheek, and then brushed his hair out of his face as he pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I was trying to give you space,” He whispered. “Let you come to me when you wanted me.”
“I always want you,” Eddie whispered quickly. His hand gently stroked up and down Buck’s arm, and then rested on his hip squeezing there.
“Coulda fooled me,” Buck chuckled. “Are you gonna tell me what’s going on?”
Eddie groaned and let his head fall to Buck’s chest. He wiggled around until he could get his hands at the hem of Buck’s shirt, and then untucked it and slid his hands under his shirt. He squeezed his belly, and scratched his nails up and down his stomach and chest. Buck let him. “Eds, we don’t keep secrets from each other.” Buck’s hand rested on Eddie’s outer thigh drawing circles on the rough fabric.
Eddie sighed, and he batted the shame crawling up his spine. “I’m on my period,” He whispered. It was quieter than a whisper, it was barely there, but Buck heard it and he pulled away a little to get a good look at Eddie. “Happens sometimes.”
“I thought T stopped that,” He whispered back. “Jesus, in seven years I never noticed?”
“I hid it well,” Eddie chuckled dryly. “It doesn’t happen often, irregular I guess, and usually just a little- y’know spotting. I’ve always been a uh- i dunno my doctor says it's called persistent menstruation. Happens sometimes.”
Buck’s eyebrows furrowed and Eddie was flooded with fear all of the sudden. In Buck’s silence that voice told him that Buck didn’t want him anymore. He was gross. He wasn’t what Buck wanted. He wasn’t man enough. “Who else knows?” Buck asked. His hand moved to Eddie’s back where he blindly kneaded the muscle there. “Does anyone else know?”
“Hen,” Eddie admitted. “Sometimes it- sometimes when it’s heavier it takes me by surprise, and I need-” He swallowed thickly and tried to hide his face into his pillows. “I need to borrow things- y’know medicine or- or you know.”
Buck’s features softened. “Baby,” He whispered. “Why didn't you tell me? I can help you, or at least give you things you need. At least maybe provide understanding for when you’re grouchy because you didn’t feel well.”
Eddie groaned softly. “It’s embarrassing, and I- I didn’t want you to-” Eddie sucked in a breath and tried to shake his head. “I’m supposed to be your boyfriend .”
“You are,” Buck said quickly and with his eyebrows furrowed and he cupped Eddie’s face. “Sweetheart, you’re still a man. A lot of men get periods, Honey.”
“You don’t,” Eddie croaked. Great . He was going to cry now, and that made him feel weaker than he already was. Buck pulled him close to him and kissed his hair as Eddie sniffled.
“Well no,” Buck whispered. “You know my friend from the gym? Luka? He does, and he’s still a man right? He outlifts me every time.”
Eddie rubbed his nose against Buck’s chest, and inhaled the smell of his cologne that mixed with something so inherently Buck. “I just-” Eddie whispered, hoarsely. “Didn’t want you to look at me differently.”
“I don’t, baby. You’re still my boy friend. One day you’ll be my husband . You’re my man, my boy, and I love you for you .”
“I’m gross,” Eddie whispered. Buck tutted and kissed his hairline.
“You’re not,” Buck countered. “You’re normal. Your body is just trying its best.”
“I love you,” Eddie whispered and pressed his wet face against Eddie’s neck. “I love you so much it hurts.”
“I love you too,” Buck whispered and kissed his forehead. “Get some rest.”
~*~
Eddie couldn’t sleep. His cramps were relentless, no matter the position he couldn’t get comfortable, and then his cramps would subside slightly only for his inner thighs to begin to ache. Buck, bless his fucking heart and soul, tried to comfort Eddie even in his sleep. He pressed his hands into Eddie’s lower belly trying to massage the cramps out, and he kicked the blankets off when Eddie began sweating and wiggling around to get a leg free.
At some point his body must have given up because the next thing he knew he was being woken up to Buck peppering kisses all over his face and rubbing his belly. “Wake up,” Buck whispered. “Shifts over and we gotta go home.”
Eddie groaned. “Give me like ten minutes to change some things.”
Buck kissed his cheek. “I’ll be in the truck.”
Eddie stumbled into the bathroom and quickly took care of himself, and he quickly yanked of his uniform clothes and yanked on a pair of sweats- a pair of Buck’s sweats -they were too big on him, the pant legs too long, but he didn’t care and just shoved his feet into his boots. Then he yanked on one of Buck’s oversized shirts, and left the showers to meet Buck outside. Buck true to his word was in the truck on the driver's side with his head tilted back and his eyes closed. He looked angelic. Morning light cascaded over him showering him a soft yellow glow, and made him almost seem like he was glowing. He looked warm, inviting, and so incredibly beautiful. It made Eddie twitch, and arousal spun around his belly making his skin itch. He hated that too. It was like his body didn’t know whether to be horny or to be achy and disgusting. Or everything at once.
Eddie climbed into the truck and groaned loudly, stirring Buck. “I wanna go home, I wanna shower, and I wanna sleep the rest of this bullshit off.” Eddie complained.
“Wanna swing by Annie’s to get coffee and those chocolate croissants you like?” Buck was already backing out, and Eddie moaned at just the thought of the chocolate and flakey croissant. “Alrighty then,” Buck grinned. “Do you need anything else? We could swing by CVS before home? Medicine? Uh- products ?”
Eddie snorted and lolled his head to the side. “Products?” He echoed.
“You know,” Buck sighed. “Tampons…pads?”
Eddie snorted. “I wouldn’t ask you to do that, and I think I’m good.”
Buck frowned, and he cut a glance toward Eddie and then back at the road. “You could though,” Buck said. “Ask me to do that. I would, I’d buy you whatever you need.”
Eddie tried to wave a dismissive hand. “I wouldn’t embarrass you like that.”
Buck reached over the console and grabbed Eddie’s hand bringing it up to his mouth to kiss his knuckles. “I don’t find it embarrassing to get you things that you need.”
“They’re feminine products, Buck”
“So?” Buck challenged. “Eddie, I have walked through fire for you, I have cut and scraped my hands digging through mud to get to you, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Going into a drug store seems pretty easily comparatively.”
Eddie didn’t deserve Buck. He didn’t deserve a boyfriend that loved him so earnestly- so easily. He was too selfish to let him go though, and he was too greedy to ignore the way his belly fluttered at his boyfriend’s words. He brought their joined hands to his mouth, he kissed each of Buck’s knuckles, and then rested his cheek against their hands. “I can’t wait to propose to you someday,” Eddie sighed dreamily.
“I can’t wait to say ‘yes’ someday.”
Buck pulled into the cafe and Eddie groaned as another wave of cramps seized his stomach. “You sit here and look pretty,” Buck let go of his hand, and squeezed his thigh instead. “I’m gonna go get our things. Want anything else besides the croissants?”
Eddie leaned back, pressed a hand to the side of his lower belly, and squeezed his eyes shut tightly as he tried to take deep breaths. “Can you get blueberry muffins too, and maybe doughnuts?” Buck smiled at him, and he leaned over the console and kissed the corner of Eddie’s mouth.
“You got it, Princess.”
Eddie flushed at the pet name, and he peeked his eyes open to watch Buck saunter through the doors. Despite being just as tired as anyone, he grinned at the baristas behind the counter, and he was pointing out the pastries Eddie asked for. Annie’s was a frequent stop for them. Especially on the days their shifts ended early in the morning, and they were both too tired to make breakfast when they got home so they’d stop for coffees and a box of whatever pastry sounded good.
Buck was on a first name basis with everyone in there, and Eddie could only watch as he chatted with Gabby- a young girl that usually worked mornings, and Eddie could only smile because the girls there always flocked to Buck. He remembered when he first went in there with Buck after they started dating, his arm slung loosely around Eddie’s shoulders, and both just giddy to be in each other’s arms. Eddie had an arm around Buck’s waist. The girls there had mixed reactions, a few of them pouted, most of them were happy, and a few of them even shouted out a ‘about damn time’ and that made Eddie flush and Buck hid his face behind Eddie’s hair. Annie was the owner of the shop, and she had been hounding Eddie and Buck separately about their feelings toward each other for years.
No matter how many times Eddie denied his feelings, claimed that Buck wasn’t interested in him- couldn’t be interested in him, she never let up with her knowing smiles. She treated them as a packaged deal. Eddie would go in for a chocolate croissant, but Annie would slip him a lemon square for Buck. Buck would go in to grab a lemon square, and Annie would slip him a chocolate croissant. Even now, as Buck chatted brightly with Annie and a few of the other girls there, Annie offered him a wave and a big smile. She made a big show of packing a few extra chocolate croissants.
Eddie was full of love, it was spilling out of him, and it was flooding around him in the truck. Buck came out balancing four pastry boxes in one hand, and in the other hand he balanced their coffees in a carrier. Eddie leaned over the console and pushed the driver’s side door open. “Okay,” Buck set the boxes down for a second. “Your caramel macchiato.”
“Thanks, Honey.”
Buck smiled at him. “Can you hold the pastries?” Eddie took the boxes and settled them on his lap. “I got those thumbprint cookies with the cherry jam and drizzled icing- oh and Annie gave me the recipe to your chocolate croissants, so-”
Eddie grinned and opened the box of chocolate croissants and plucked one out and moaned at the sweet buttery taste bursting on his tongue. “-Really?” Buck giggled. “You couldn’t wait until we got home?”
“Buck,” Eddie sighed, and giggled as Buck wiped a stray bit of chocolate on the corner of his mouth with his thumb, and then sucked the chocolate off his own thumb. “Do you really want to judge me right now? I’m being torn apart inside, and I worked so hard all shift.”
Buck smiled sweetly at him and leaned over the center console and pressed a chaste kiss to Eddie’s lips. “I’m sorry, you’re right, my pretty princess worked hard all shift while not feeling well, and you absolutely deserve a sweet treat or two.”
“Or twelve,” Eddie grinned and then he puckered his lips for another kiss which Buck obliged.
~*~
By the time they got home Eddie had already helped himself to two croissants and shared a blueberry muffin with Buck. Chris was already at school since he carpooled with a friend like he usually did on days Eddie and Buck worked. Eddie wanted to get undressed and shower and plop on the bed and sleep his days off away.
He bee-lined toward their bedroom, tossed his duffle bag toward the corner of the room, and he was peeling off the oversized shirt, and he was bending down to peel his socks off. He was gathering clean clothes- comfort clothes -so he could shower and scrub himself clean so then he could rot in bed for the rest of the day. He was clutching a worn, purple and gold Lakers hoodie, and smiled fondly at it; the memory of Buck gifting it to him. It was Christmas, a year after they first met, and Buck was at Eddie’s place after he let it slip he didn’t really have plans. He’d gone overboard with buying Chris presents, and Eddie was in the middle of chastising him about it. Buck had sheepishly pulled out one more present, cheeks redder than goddamn rudolph’s nose, and biting his lip as he handed it to Eddie.
He was worried. He was being Buck about it. Apologized for not knowing what Eddie would like, but Eddie was swimming with the fact that Buck even thought to get him a gift. He never even told Buck that The Lakers were his team- he mentioned it once off handedly when talking to a patient. He didn’t even know Buck heard him. ‘ The Celtics? C’mon man you live in LA and you’re rooting for them?’ Eddie had laughed as he patched up the large gash over the guy’s eyebrow. ‘ The Lakers are where it’s at man. We make it to the playoffs, we're kicking your ass.’
Now, the hoodie was a comfort. A reminder that someone cares- someone saw him and listened to him, and it quickly became the hoodie that Eddie wore when ever he needed a little extra comfort. When he was sick with the flu a year ago- he lived in it. When he had a hard shift and it felt like he was all alone in the world- he curled up in the hoodie and pulled the hood tight over his head. When his period struck him down with the force of Zeus’ lightning bolt- it eased his ache and pain.
Buck sauntered in the room, quiet, and looking too pensive. He undid his belt, shucked his shirt in the direction of the hamper, and Eddie let himself ogle his boyfriend. Buck’s skin always looked soft, small patches of ink spread over his arms, chest, and torso made stood out like stamps on a plain envelope, and Eddie wanted to worship them. He loved Buck’s body. The strength it showed, the softness under his hands, and the way his skin always bruised so easily when Eddie marked him. Claimed him. Buck was beautiful, and if Eddie wasn’t on his period- if he wasn’t so fucking gross down there he’d march across the room and kiss him silly. He’d beg Buck to fuck him on a quiet whine. He’d let himself get swept away in the ocean and tsunami that was Buck’s love and desire.
He was gross. He was bloody between his legs, sweaty in all his nooks and crannies, and he knew that he couldn’t even take Buck’s big cock if he wanted to. He was too sore. It would be too messy, they didn’t have condoms- never saw a point in using them after they knew they were clean, and Eddie doubted that Buck would want that. Most guys didn’t. He knew that.
He was still staring when Buck glanced over at him. Hair unruly and curly, face dusting pink, and his hands fidgeting with where his belt laid undone. Eddie looked away quickly, willed his arousal to simmer, and shifted uncomfortably as he felt his boxers cling to him. “Hey Eddie,” Buck said softly. “Can I eat you out?”
Eddie froze in his spot, hands gripped tightly on his Lakers hoodie, and his face burning a fire that spread all the way from the tips of his ears to the scars on his chest. He began shaking his head rapidly, and swallowed thickly over his own want.“Buck no,” he scoffed. “I’m- did you forget that I’m- I’m on my period? It’s a mess down there.”
Buck only offered a small, shy shrug. “I read somewhere that orgasms help with cramps, and when you have an especially good orgasm you knock right out.”
Eddie shook his head and wrung the fabric in his hands nervously. He was so tempted. Buck was staring at him with that stupid fucking head tilt, and he was batting his eyelashes all innocently. Eddie squeezed his eyes shut tightly. “I am gross .”
“You’re not gross,” Buck huffed and rolled his eyes like Eddie was being unreasonable. “You’re hot and sexy, and you know I love going down on you, Baby.” Just to prove his point he shoved his pants down a little revealing the obvious bulge in his boxers, and then to just really drive Eddie insane he cupped himself and squeezed.
Eddie tore his eyes away, and he frowned and shook his head adamantly. “Not while I’m like this, Buck.” He whined, and burned at how pathetic he felt. “I am so gross. I’m sweaty, bloody, and I need to change my tampon again - it won’t be good for you. It’ll taste-” Eddie waved a hand and his face soured.
Buck scoffed at that. It was as if he thought Eddie was being silly about it all. “You’re not gross, and I always get off while eating you out,” Buck said. He was determined, he had that look in his eye, and Eddie wanted nothing more than to cave and let his boy have whatever he wanted. “Sweat and grime does not bother me- you know. As for the blood, well baby,” He chuckled. “I really don’t mind. I’ve eaten people out before while they were on their periods.” Eddie rolled his eyes at that, and made a disgusted face at the mention of Buck’s past partners. “You’re my boyfriend, Eddie, and I want you to feel better. To feel good .”
Eddie stared at Buck. His belly tingled with desire and his pussy pulsed at the thought of getting Buck between his legs. He felt himself soaking his boxer, and he rubbed his face against the hoodie in his hands and moaned. “I won’t force you,” Buck whispered. “I know this is different for you, but the offer is there and on the table.”
Eddie knew that orgasms did help his cramps, he learned that a long time ago, but he never really wanted to do it himself. He hated the mess, the reminder of what he was, and he hated how it felt so dirty. He never had a partner that was so willing to do it for him. He felt fuzzy in his head, his brain foggy with his need, and all he wanted was to get a hand between his legs to relieve a little bit of the pressure building there. “It’s gross,” he repeated weakly.
Buck grinned at him with a predatory look. Like he was some sort of wolf about to devour his prey. “I am a thirty-three year old man, Baby. A little blood doesn’t gross me out, and besides-” His lips pulled back in a playful smirk as he batted his eyelashes and tilted his head. “-I’ve already tasted your blood once. This time I wanna taste it while you’re begging me to let you come.”
Really. Eddie was doomed. His boyfriend- his stupidly hot boyfriend was almost begging for it. He was so horny, and his cramps were rolling in his lower belly with heat simmering between his legs. “Okay,” He whispered. “If you want to.”
Buck’s face lit up, and he scurried off to the bathroom and Eddie flopped back on to the bed and dropped the hoodie onto the ground. Buck returned with a thick towel, and eyes that were glinting with excitement. “Here,” Buck grinned. “Lift your hips.” Eddie did as he was told and let Buck situate the towel beneath him, and tried not to let the embarrassment consume his body. Buck sensed it, or maybe he just knew his boyfriend too well. He kneeled between Eddie’s open legs, leaned down and kissed his knee. “I can’t wait,” Buck grinned. “Gonna taste so good, princess. Gonna be so good for you.”
Eddie groaned, fought the urge to squeeze his legs shut, and tossed an arm over his eyes so he didn’t have to watch Buck. “You’re a freak.”
Buck howled in laughter. “Oh baby,” He giggled. “I thought you knew that when we started dating.” Eddie groaned again and his cheeks flamed a pretty red. “Don’t you remember that time that I dragged you into the supply closet at work,” Buck’s fingers ghosted up and down his left inner thigh, and Eddie’s stomach fluttered as he felt himself gush a little at the memory. “I stuffed your mouth with my underwear just so you could stay quiet,” Buck’s hands pressed over his hips, and then he was hooking his fingers in his waistband and yanking his sweats and boxers down in one swift movement.
Eddie shivered as the air hit him at his core, and he moaned as Buck teased his fingers up and down his thighs. “I’m an absolute freak for you, Princess.”
Buck leaned over and kissed Eddie. His tongue immediately pushed into Eddie’s mouth, and he whimpered as he tried to squeeze his legs shut, but was stopped by Buck’s body laying between them- on him. “Sweetheart,” Buck practically purred. “I want you to watch me while I make you feel better, okay?”
Eddie whined and lifted his arm to tuck it behind his head instead. His cheeks burned, and his breaths were labored as Buck peppered kisses over his face. Then he nipped at his jaw and down his neck and over his chest. Eddie sighed, the hand not tucked behind his head fell over Buck’s shoulders and back, and he gently scratched over the bare skin there. “Have I ever told you I love these?” Buck murmured as he lavished his tongue over the twin scars under his pecs. Thin, white little marks that were nearly faded and hardly noticeable under the muscle of his pecs. Eddie laughed breathlessly and hissed when Buck nipped at the scar under his left pec.
“All the time,” Eddie sighed. “Weirdo.”
“Sensitive,” Buck whispered, and his eyes flicked up to meet Eddie’s already staring down at him. Buck was like a kid on christmas, he was smiling, and buzzing and only barely reeling himself in enough to worship Eddie’s body. Eddie rolled his eyes and fought off the urge to beg Buck to just get on with it. He shifted his hips, tried to get some relief on his aching, dick. Buck was torturous, he flattened his tongue over Eddie’s right nipple, traced the thin white scar that circled it with the tip of his tongue, and then bit onto the perked nub.
Eddie whined and his hips twitched, and his leg jerked harshly. “Buck,” He moaned. “Baby!”
Buck tugged on his nipple with his teeth while one of his hands came up to rub and pinch at the other neglected bud. Never in a million years had Eddie thought he’d be able to get like this, so free to feel , and comfortable enough with a partner to let them do whatever they wanted to him. Sex was always a complicated thing for Eddie, he spent so long hating his body, and cursing god for fucking up so badly. He never thought he could ever fully enjoy it.
He had partners before Buck. Obviously. He’d met Christopher’s dad before he transitioned- before he even knew he was different. He knew sex was different for girls, he talked to all his friends, and they all said the same thing. Guys didn’t know what they were doing, didn’t know how to take care of girls, and Christopher’s dad was no different. They were teenagers when they started fooling around, and Eddie had resided in the fact that it didn’t feel good because of him . He never even gave it a thought Eddie couldn’t enjoy it because he was in the wrong body. The boyfriends he had after Chris’ dad were after he started transitioning, and the sex was better- good even. Still, he never really was able to lose himself in it.
Then Buck. Buck who had jumped Eddie’s bones the minute those three little words left his lips. Buck who spent their first night together between Eddie’s legs yanking orgasm after orgasm from him. Buck who always put Eddie’s pleasure first. Who never looked at him differently. Who saw him as a man no matter what was in his pants.
“Please,” Eddie whimpered. “Oh god !”
Buck licked across his chest, repeated his ministration over his swollen nipple, hard, aching from being pinched and pulled. His hand ghosted over his ribs, between their bodies, and then his fingers were brushing against his clit. Eddie sucked in a breath and his leg twitched hard against Buck’s ribs where it was perched. “Oh-ohohoh,” Eddie groaned as his hips rocked up against Buck’s fingers. His forefinger of his index and the forefinger of his middle finger nestled on either side of his dick and he rubbed and pulled at it. His tongue lavishing over his nipple, teeth grazing against the puffy skin there. “ Buck !” He gasped as he fucked his hips up tracing after his fingers. “Oh babybabybaby please !” Buck’s fingers slipped between his slick folds, and Eddie was panting and twitching against him and his hold trying to clench. Eddie was too lost in pleasure to understand, too far gone to realize what Buck was searching for blindly, and then he felt a tug and he gasped harshly.
“Gonna,” Buck muttered against his chest. “Just gonna take this out.”
“Easy,” Eddie gasped. “Gentle, please. ”
Eddie tried to relax his own body, and pushed his chest up against Buck’s mouth. Then there was a slick squelch noise, and Eddie clenched hard at the sudden loss. His breathing was rapid, and Buck was smiling against his skin. Eddie fought the shame, the disgust the rose in his throat, but then Buck was bringing his hand up between them. His fingers slip, red, and dripping from being inside of Eddie. Eddie watched, mouth hung open as Buck sucked his fingers into his mouth and moaned while his eyes fluttered.
“Freak,” Eddie groaned. “Jesus-”
“You taste so good, Baby,” Buck moaned. “Gonna taste you from the source.”
Eddie didn’t get a chance to even make noise because Buck was scooting down the bed and then he was sucking Eddie’s swollen clit into his mouth. He flicked his tongue against the tip of it, and licked broadly at it. Eddie mewled, his hand that wasn’t tucked behind his head reached down and he carded his fingers through Buck’s curls. Buck flattened his tongue against his clit, and then dragged it down until he was dipping between his slick folds and to his hold. He teased him, thrusted his tongue in, and then licked back up to his dick.
The pressure was building steadily, Eddie felt like he was out of his mind with how horny he was, and his fingers were gripping Buck’s hair tightly and yanking as his hips moved on their own accord. He was grinding against Buck’s face, his clever tongue teasing him, and Eddie couldn’t help but just take . His vision was clouding at the edges, his mind was swimming, and his pussy pulsing with every pass of his boyfriend’s tongue.
It was obscene. The sounds of squelching echoing off the bedroom walls, Eddie’s whines and moans reaching a fever pitch, and Buck was like a cat that caught a canary. Eddie chanced a look down, he loved watching Buck go down on him, but this time it was a damn near mistake. Buck’s mouth was coated in a silk, slimy, red, some of it spread to his cheeks, and the tip of his nose. It made Eddie feel hot. His dick twitched, and his belly swarmed with a tight coil of heat. He felt himself get wetter at the sight of it.
He tugged on Buck’s hair, held his face in place while he shifted his hips to get a better angle to grind against his nose and chin. It was the hottest thing Eddie had ever seen, his own blood streaking Buck’s face leaving a claim, and it was a white-hot shot of arousal that soaked his bones at the sight. “Please,” He panted. “ Buck .” He whined.
Buck’s tongue kept licking at him, deep thrusts into his twitchy hole, and lapping at the blood that coated his inner thighs and folds. Eddie couldn’t take it, needed more, and whimpered as he let go of Buck’s hair in favor of rubbing at his own clit. “Buckbuckbuckbuck,” He chanted as his fingers worked his swollen t-dick over, and then Buck was grabbing his hand and shoving it out of the way so he could suck on his clit. His fingers were dipping inside of him petting over that spongy spot inside of him. Eddie cried out as his back arched off the bed, and his thighs shook and he tightened them around Buck’s head. His moans were no longer coherent instead coming out in punched out little noises. “ Uh uh uh uh ,” Eddie cried. He was shaking. “C’mon, please !” His fingers twisted in Buck’s hair and he yanked him up to him. He was a mess. Blue eyes swallowed by black pupils, dark, blood standing out brilliantly against his pale skin. His tongue, bright pink against the crimson, poked out and lapped at his lips. Eddie moaned wontanly, and he smashed their mouths together in a heated kiss.
The taste of copper flooded his mouth as he licked at Buck’s lips, and then even stronger as he licked into his mouth. He knew his own blood was rubbing off on his face, and knew that it was probably smearing on other parts of his body too. He didn’t care. Any thoughts of it being gross, unsanitary, disgusting was wiped from his mind. Buck shifted, and Eddie mewled into his mouth. Buck was at a slightly awkward position, straddled himself over Eddie’s thighs, and started grinding his hard cock against the solid muscle of his thigh. All the while his fingers never stopped fucking into Eddie at a ruthless pace.
He had three fingers into him, and Eddie was a blubbering mess as Buck mercilessly fucked his fingers in and out of him at a brutal place. He was hurtling toward the edge, his thighs clenching, his hole tightening, and his clit twitching. “Don’t stop,” Eddie whined. “ Buck ! Don’t stop, please !” Buck’s own pace was getting sloppy, his rhythm was erratic, and Eddie was writhing under Buck. None of it was enough. He was so fucking close he could cry. “Buck, Buck please baby oh my god, fuck me !”
Buck froze, and quickly folded over Eddie and fished through their nightstand. Eddie whimpered under him, snuck a hand between them, and grabbed Buck through his undone pants and began stroking him quickly and roughly. “Fuck me,” He whined. “Buck- please! Don’t- quit looking for a condom- fuck !”
Buck chuckled a little meanly at Eddie as he reared back with a condom in his unoccupied hand, and then he was slipping his fingers out of Eddie making him sob. “Something tells me that’s how you got knocked up the first time,” Buck whispered. Eddie cried, tears pricked his eyes, but it only made Buck coo at him patronizingly. “So desperate for it,” Buck whispered as he kicked his pants off and boxers quickly after that, and just to be the goddamn tease he was he stroked his cock a few times. Eddie whimpered. “So stupid to get a cock in you you can’t even wait.”
“Buck please ,” Eddie begged. “Fuck me, I need it so bad. I need you in me,” Eddie moaned.
Buck rolled the condom on, and Eddie watched with wide eyes. Then Buck was fitting between his legs, and he was dragging his cock against Eddie’s pussy. Eddie moaned, his eyes wide, his hands scrambled to wrap around Buck’s shoulders, and he was holding his breath waiting on the edge of anticipation for finally getting what he had been craving all along.
“Please,” He whimpered. “Make me feel better, Buck.”
Buck’s resolve- the little he had left -snapped and he pushed into Eddie. Eddie swore he blacked out for a second, his nails were digging into Buck’s shoulders, and he was dragging them down his back leaving angry, blistering lines in their wake. Buck was rocking in and out of him, slow push and pulls of his hips, and gentle rolls driving his cock into Eddie. “Jesus,” Buck groaned directly into his ear, his breath fanning over his clammy skin, and Eddie dragged his nails back up to Buck’s shoulders. “You always feel so good,” Buck whined. “So fucking wet- tight .” He snapped his hips harshly.
“Ha-ha-uh,” Eddie babbled. “So good- so big .” Buck grinned- he always grinned when Eddie said that, like he couldn’t help himself but to feel cocky about it, and Eddie was just stroking his ego. “Fuck me so good, Buck. So fuckin- shit !”
“That’s it,” Buck huffed. “Love you so much.”
“ Uhuhuhuhuh, ” Eddie nodded frantically, and Buck grabbed his left thigh and hoisted it up further on his hip to bend Eddie a little to deepen the angle. Eddie glanced at his hand, fingers and thumb soaked and stained, and smearing blood on his own thigh. He was getting close, his lower belly tingled, and his clit twitched. “Can I- let me?” Eddie begged. Eddie moved his hand between them, squeezing between them so he could rub at his clit, and then he was clenching down on Buck’s cock and his back was bowing off the bed as his eyes rolled to the back of his head in ecstasy.
“C’mon,” Buck grunted. “Eds, you’re so close, I can feel it, God you’re like a vice, Sweetheart. Gonna come for me?”
Eddie was nodding, panting, his mouth open in near silent cries, and Buck didn’t change pace. He kept steady, kept it hard just the way Eddie liked, and then Eddie was shouting Buck’s name. He was repeating it like it was the only english word he could remember, and his cunt clenched down on his cock and his hand was frozen over his clit adding pressure while the force of Buck’s thrusts rock his hips against his hand.
His orgasm ripped through him, and he could barely register Buck chasing his own orgasm. Then Buck was getting sloppy, louder, and louder until he coming and fucking himself through his orgasm.
After they both came down from their highs, Buck collapsed on top of Eddie not daring to pull out, and Eddie breathed hair still twitching in the aftershocks. He pet through Buck’s curls, scratched at the back of his neck, and then soothed the angry lines with the pads of his fingers as Buck mouthed at his neck.
“Feel better?” Buck rasped.
“Yeah,” Eddie chuckled. “God, we need a shower.” He wiped at Buck’s cheek where dried blood still coated him, and then he looked down at his own body and noticed just what a mess he was. Buck too. They were covered in drying blood, and Eddie giggled about it almost deliriously. “We look like a crime scene.”
“Death by pussy,” Buck grunted as he pulled out and took the condom off and tied it and tossed it toward his discarded pants. “What a way to go.”
Eddie scrunched up his face, and leaned up using his elbows as he watched Buck carefully getting out of bed. He sauntered toward the bathroom to start up the shower, and then came back with a big smile. “Can my pretty princess walk to the shower, or does he need to be carried?”
Eddie sighed dramatically, flopping back onto the bed. “You know,” He sighed. “I think my legs are jelly.”
Buck laughed and far too easily scooped Eddie up and tossed him over his shoulder to haul him into the shower with Eddie laughing the entire way.
~*~
They fell into bed together after they showered, devoured more pastries, and they changed their sheets. Eddie took care of himself, took the tylenol that Buck offered him with water, and got a fresh tampon in. He dressed in his comfort hoodie, but stayed in his boxers. Buck dressed in his typical sweats, hoodie, and socks combo because he always ran cold.
They laid in bed together, with Buck on his back so he could watch whatever show he chose (currently it looked like he was choosing between Naked and Afraid and Below Deck ), and Eddie was curled up on his side with his head pillowed on Buck’s chest. Buck had one arm wrapped around Eddie, stroking his fingers in mindless patterns on his hip where his hoodie drew up. Eddie sleepily rubbed Buck’s belly, something he found Buck secretly liked, and something he’d always teased him about even though it was how he fell asleep most nights. Hand on Buck’s belly gently scratching and rubbing.
“Eds,” Buck whispered. Eddie nuzzled his face against his chest a little. “How come you haven’t had all your stuff removed?”
Eddie chuckled. “Stuff. I dunno.” And then he looked up at Buck for a second before nuzzling back on his chest. “You got a spare 20k laying around?”
Buck hummed. “I guess not.” Then he sighed. “What about birth control?”
Eddie shrugged. “I was on it after Chris was born, but I dunno- it really just fucked with my head y’know? Mood swings- I felt insane.” Then after a few seconds the shame crept back in using the shadows to whisper doubts. “I could talk to my doctor if you want me to. I could try a different method, or uh maybe an IUD or something. If you wanted me to.”
Buck shifted, tilted Eddie’s head back to look at him. “Hey,” He said softly. “No, I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.” Buck stroked his cheek, his eyes wide, and then he let Eddie nuzzle back against him. “I was just curious, y’know?”
“You’re allowed to be curious,” Eddie sighed. “I also didn’t get a hysterectomy because- well-” Eddie shrugged. “I wasn’t sure if I wanted more kids and not. I like having the option. What if-” Eddie sighed and bit at his lip feeling a flush crawl up his cheeks. “I mean- what if you and I wanna have kids?”
He glanced up at Buck. His eyes shining, watery with unshed tears, and Eddie flushed a crimson red. “You’d- you wanna have- you’d wanna get pregnant again?”
Eddie shrugged and sat up a little so he could look at Buck properly. “I know we’ve not been dating long, but Buck you’re kind of it for me. I think, subconsciously I knew that you’d be the only one I’d wanna do it again for?” Eddie shook his head. “How could I not? You- you should know you don’t make it easy for a guy not to love you and wanna have all your babies. You’re great with Chris, always have been, and god have you seen yourself with kids? So yeah, Buck, I would wanna get pregnant again if it’s you.”
Buck looked like he was about to cry. “Jesus,” Buck swiped at his eyes and shook his head. “What about- I mean-”
Eddie grabs Buck’s face. “I love you, and I kind of want to do it all with you.”
“We could adopt,” Buck muttered, and Eddie chuckled and kissed Buck again and swiped his thumbs over the apples of Buck’s cheeks.
“We could absolutely adopt,” Eddie chuckled. “If that’s what you want, but I still kind of want you to knock me up.” Buck sucked in a breath, and he opened and closed his mouth a few times and Eddie giggled. “I’m not saying right now, or any time soon. You know,” Eddie's hand fell to the base of Buck’s throat, and then down on his chest where he rested his hand over Buck’s heartbeat. “In a year or two, when we’re settled, and when we’re ready a kid or two.”
Buck’s lip wobbled. “You’d want me to-” he frowned and he looked away from Eddie. “You’d want me to be a father?”
“Buck,” Eddie sighed and used his other other hand to get Buck to look at him. “You’re already a father. You have been for seven years.”
Buck sniffed and Eddie swiped his thumb under Buck’s eye catching the stray tears that fell. “That means- a baby means you’re stuck with me.”
“Oh honey,” Eddie sighed. “I need you to hear me okay?” Buck nodded and nuzzled his face against Eddie’s hand and placed a gentle kiss on his palm. “I want to have your babies. I want you to knock me up. I want to marry you . I want to grow our family with you .” Eddie tilted his head and smiled sweetly and a little watery. “We’ve been together- romantic or not -for almost a decade, we have been parenting Chris together for almost a decade, and Baby there is nobody I would rather have this with.”
Buck finally smiled at Eddie, soft, sweet, and his eyes shined with a love and adoration that only Buck could give him. “Okay,” He whispered. “Yeah, when we’re ready, and you make an honest man outta me. We’ll do that. I want that.”
Eddie closed the gap between them, kissing him slow and sure. Then he sighed happily and cuddled back against Buck’s side rubbing his belly, and lazily blinking at the T.V. as Buck chose Below Deck to watch. His arm snug around him, fingers tracing over his hip, and even with his cramps starting back up rolling in his abdomen, and his body began to ache. He was content. Happy. The happiest he had ever been. He nuzzled in just a little closer to Buck, and let sleep lull him to its depths with the sound of Buck critiquing the chef’s dishes that he made for rich snobs on a yacht. He dreamt of his future, of babies with blue eyes and dark hair and pink splotched over their eyes or cheeks, and a life that would be the happiest he’ll ever be.