Chapter Text
Akane’s father ignored her scowl as indeterminate shouting came in from the front door. Anger flickering with confusion, she watched him rush gaily away, followed closely by Nabiki.
Akane looked at Kasumi. Kasumi looked back. “I suppose we should go greet our guests,” Kasumi offered as she stood.
Akane sighed. “Let’s just get this over with,” she grumbled, but she hadn’t even straightened before her father and sister scrambled back into view, that unfamiliar high-pitched shouting becoming louder.
Mr. Tendo situated himself between the entryway and his daughters, trembling. Wood creaked ominously as a looming figure came into view, inhuman in shape and stature, glowering down at the Tendos with narrow ursid eyes.
Over one shoulder, the giant panda carried a small, shrieking figure. “Put me down! You’re scaring the shit outta them!” The bear put its foul-mouthed cargo down after receiving an elbow to the face.
A short teenager stood in front of the assembled Tendos, looking up at them with blue eyes through a fringe of black, tense posture exuding both anxiety and bravado even through their baggy, oversized clothes.
“You, ah…” Akane’s father started, looking over their diminutive visitor. He wiped his brow. “You wouldn’t happen to be…?”
The visitor rubbed the back of their neck, a tight little pigtail wiggling as their head turned. “…Saotome Ranma. Sorry ‘bout this.” Akane scowled at the confirmation, and Ranma seemed to wilt at the negative attention.
Regardless of Ranma’s reservations, Mr. Tendo’s demeanor immediately flipped to overwhelming joy. “You’re finally here!” the excessively tall Tendo patriarch cried, sweeping his old friend’s child into a crushing hug, effectively squeezing all the air out of Ranma’s lungs. Wheezing, Ranma jabbed his inadvertent attacker in the ribs with a finger, allowing himself to drop to the floor once again. Mr. Tendo just laughed, clapping a large hand down on Ranma’s small shoulder hard enough to jolt the teen’s whole body. “Ha! Already showing off your skills, ey Saotome? Good! I wouldn’t have anything else from the future heir to the dojo!” Akane’s frown turned murderous, but before she could object, Nabiki broke in.
“Daddy, wasn’t Ranma supposed to be a boy?”
Mr. Tendo blinked and looked down. “Ah- I mean…” He scratched his chin and tilted his head to the side. “I think he is?”
Ranma’s soft face scrunched in anger. “What’s that supposed to mean?!” they screeched, neither their outburst nor the shrill voice they used giving any indication one way or the other as to their actual sex. Whatever other indignancies they were about to shout, Ranma was abruptly shut up by Nabiki’s hand on their face, cupping their chin and squishing their cheeks.
“This looks like a girl to me,” Nabiki announced, tipping Ranma’s chin back. Ranma responded by becoming very red and spluttering incoherently.
Mr. Tendo crossed his arms, assuming a stern posture his daughters had become entirely unintimidated by years ago. “Well, son- er, kid?” he said expectantly. “Which are you? Boy or girl?”
Ranma growled with bared teeth like an animal. “What- why-!”
Mr. Tendo’s eyebrow raised. “You can hardly expect to marry one of my daughters if you’re a girl,” he said.
More wordless, animalistic grumbling, and then- “How can you- I’m obviously-” Ranma paused. The huge panda, which hitherto had just stood stoically without offering any input or even indication it was following along, leaned in threateningly. A wicked grin crept its way across Ranma’s face. Turning, Ranma glared straight into the panda’s eyes as she confidently announced, “Why, I’m clearly a girl!”
The panda threw a punch, and was thrown roughly against the wall for its trouble. Mr. Tendo fainted.
-o-
“So, uh,” began Akane, ignoring her father laying despondent on the table. “Wanna check out the dojo? Now that all this-” she grimaced, “engagement stuff is out of the way, I wouldn’t mind being friends! My name’s Akane!” Her smile lit up her face.
Ranma glanced away, her face pink. She gave a little nod and a small “Okay,” tailing the taller girl out. Mr. Tendo continued to quietly sob under the watch of his two elder daughters and the unexplained giant panda. Nabiki and the panda watched the two teen martial artists leave with narrowed eyes.
A frustrating duel ended in lighthearted laughter. Akane, dripping with sweat, couldn’t help but admire the form and flexibility of the untouchable newcomer, who seemed little worse for wear. Internally, that newcomer was quite happy indeed to have dodged all of the dojo-girl’s wall-breaking strikes.
“I’m glad you’re a girl,” Akane said, jolting Ranma out of a post-duel stretch.
“Wh-why?” asked the shorter girl. “Other than the- um.” Engagement, she didn’t say.
“Just that I’d hate losing to a guy,” Akane answered with a giggle. Ranma blanched.
“Hey jocks,” came the leering voice of Nabiki, a Cheshire grin adorning her face as she leaned in the doorway. Akane narrowed her eyes, smelling a scheme. Ranma just cocked her head in bemusement.
“What do you want, Nabiki?” Akane demanded. Jock was almost as bad as tomboy, and she didn’t think their guest would appreciate having her femininity questioned more than it already was.
“Nothing,” Nabiki said slyly. “Just coming to see you girls getting all sweaty and worked up with each other. Having fun?”
Akane blushed and sputtered at the perverse implications that Nabiki liked to throw at her, but her angry outburst was preceded by Ranma’s focus on entirely the wrong thing. “I don’t think I sweat that much?”
Akane groaned. “That’s not- why am I explaining this? We just had a practice match,” she said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Ranma won, in case you actually cared.”
“Fuck yeah I did,” agreed Ranma unhelpfully. Her proud little face was too cute to stay mad at.
“Mm. Anyway, bathroom’s ready, whatever amount you sweat,” Nabiki informed them. Her grin grew wider, somehow. “Why don’t you two head on in so you’re presentable when we figure out what to do with you?” Ranma blushed, and noticing Ranma blushing started Akane on it as well.
“Wh- you mean together?” Ranma squeaked. Akane grit her teeth and stared at the wall, fighting the heat that reached from her ears to her toes.
Nabiki raised an eyebrow. “There’s two of them now,” she muttered. Clearing her throat, she said loudly, “Well, you’re both girls, right? There shouldn’t be a problem.” Ranma’s bright red blush evaporated, replaced by a pale sheet-white.
“I um, I uh, I’ve never- I’m- I can go after!” she shrieked, diving behind Akane and shoving her towards her evil sister.
“Hey!” Akane shouted, turning around and stabilizing herself into a horse stance. “What’s the big idea?”
“You go bathe first,” Ranma directed, right hand clutching her left elbow as she looked away. “Then come get me when you’re done.” Her face had returned to resembling a ripe tomato in hue.
“Wh- we’re both girls!” Akane said, ignoring that her own face was probably just as red. “I’m a girl, you’re a girl, there’s nothing weird about us sharing the furo!” Normally, Akane probably wouldn’t care. Maybe Ranma was self-conscious about her body. Maybe she had an embarrassing scar. Maybe she was ashamed about her completely flat chest. Maybe she just wasn’t used to being naked around other people, having been raised by only her currently absent dad. But all those maybes and careful consideration for her new friend’s feelings were bested by Akane’s need to prove herself to Nabiki.
“Trust me, you don’t wanna,” Ranma said, turning her back on the two Tendos and stepping into a kata. “Come get me after I’ve done some real exercise.”
Akane bared her teeth. “Why you-”
“Wow, Akane, you’re real set on seeing her in the furo, huh?” Nabiki interrupted with a smirk. “Thought you didn’t swing that way.” Ranma stumbled behind Akane.
“I’ll just go by myself,” Akane growled, stalking past her evil sister. Her evil, evil sister.
-o-
There was a naked man in the furo. He was bald, with sharp, narrow eyes, broad shoulders, and a powerful physique. Akane shut the door on him, slipped back into her gi, then ran screaming for the yard.
-o-
The Tendos were reintroduced to Saotome Genma and his son, Ranma. His short, lithe, soft-faced son. His son, Ranma. Saotome Ranma, son of Saotome Genma.
“YOU’RE A GUY!?”
Man among men.
“YOU’RE A GUY!?” Akane repeated, just as loud as before. Ranma winced.
“Guess so,” he said, rubbing his neck. “Sorry.”
“Boy,” Genma growled, low and dangerous, like he was still a bear. “I don’t know what you were thinking, pulling that stunt.” Mr. Tendo nodded beside his friend, arms crossed. The excessive tear tracks across both men’s faces severely undercut the menace they were attempting to exude.
“I was trying t’ get this stupid engagement shit outta th’ way!” Ranma retorted, bristling. “I ain’t gettin’ married just cuz you two made a deal ‘fore I was born!”
“A pact!” Genma corrected. “An oath between men!”
“An unbreakable bond! The union of our two schools!” added Soun. The two men each wrapped an arm about the other’s shoulders and began to leak their ridiculous tears again.
“Not to interrupt… this,” Nabiki said, raising an eyebrow at the fathers’ manly tears, “but where’d the panda go?”
-o-
“…and hot water turns me back,” Genma finished, tightening his ratty old gi. He turned to his old friend with a glint in his eye. “It doesn’t need to be boiling, however.” Soun shrugged.
“Alright, but what about Ranma?” asked Nabiki. Kasumi nodded in support.
“What about me?” Ranma asked.
“You have a curse too, right?” Kasumi asked, her voice raised in soft concern. “The one that turns you into a girl.”
“WHAT?!” Ranma squawked, leaping to his feet. Despite this placing him at the highest position relative to all others present, it only served to emphasize his diminutive stature. “I ain’t got no curse! I’m not my pops, it’s all man here!” He puffed out his chest to little effect.
“Oh my…”
Akane huffed. “Sure didn’t seem that way earlier,” she grumbled. Ranma turned on her, black pigtail whipping around like an agitated cat’s lashing tail.
Mr. Tendo spoke before Ranma could prove just how manly he was. “Well, now that we’re settled, we can get onto the engagement!” He rose from his seat to place a hand on Ranma’s shoulder. “This is Kasumi, my eldest! She’s nineteen. This is Nabiki, the middle sister. She’s seventeen. And this is Akane, my youngest. She’s sixteen! Take your pick, and she’ll be your fiancée!”
“Oh, I’m not interested in younger men,” Kasumi said apologetically.
“Let Akane have him. Guys like him are better as business opportunities than as long-term commitments.”
“Hold on, hold on. We’re still doing the stupid engagement?!” Akane protested. Her head spun as she glared holes into her sisters. “I’m not getting married! Especially not to a pervert like him!”
“Who’re you calling a pervert?!” Ranma bounced aggressively into Akane’s space, relying on her seated position to loom over her. He stumbled back as Akane rocketed to her feet, now standing over him on even footing.
“You told us you were a girl!” she accused, jabbing him in his flat chest.
“T’ get outta this stupid engagement!” he yelled, red-faced.
“They’re already getting along so well!” Mr. Tendo exclaimed happily, joining hands with Genma.
“No we are not!”
Ranma stalked away. “Ranma! Where are you going?” demanded his father.
“Back to China, t’ train. I’m not sittin’ around in a dinky little dojo getting soft with soft little dinky dojo girls.”
Akane growled. “Who are you calling a soft little… what did you even say?!”
Ranma crossed his arms with a smirk. “Soft little dinky dojo girl.”
“How dare you! You- you- you little crossdressing pervert!”
“Crossdressing?! Do these look like girl clothes to you?!” Ranma gestured over his baggy tangzhuang and baggier pants. He bared his teeth as his smirk widened. “‘Sides,” he said, “I think I was wrong.” He leaned forward, hands on his hips. “You’re not a soft little dinky dojo girl. You’re a brash, brutish, barrel-bodied, barely-breasted tomboy! No wonder you folks could buy me bein’ a girl so easy, if this is what you’ve got to compare me to!”
Tears in her eyes, Akane brought the table down on him.