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Sunghoon didn’t want to get out of bed.
They didn’t have any schedules today so he technically could just spend his whole day in bed, but he also did unfortunately promise Ni-ki they would hang out so he actually didn’t have a choice.
He sighed, curling in further to his pillows for just a brief moment before he finally started to get ready for the day. At least Jay promised to make them steak for dinner tonight, and it was that ghee butter steak he made for him and Sunoo that one time. So at least he had something to look forward to.
He stumbled around, getting dressed while half asleep. He struggled to do up his belt at least three times, and he wasn’t even sure the hoodie he grabbed was his- actually, now that he was looking at it in the mirror, it definitely belonged to Jay or Ni-ki. He would probably figure it out when one of them accused him of being a thief.
Whatever.
He yawned and stretched, abandoning the rest of his morning routine, left to be picked up when the youngest finally dragged himself out of bed.
He could hear the sizzling of something in a pan, and smell pork belly in the air. His mouth watered as he headed to the kitchen, only to stop short at the two oldest’s voices.
“You should have seen her hyung,” Jay said, a wistfulness in his tone that had Sunghoon blinking rapidly. “She was beautiful- gorgeous!”
“Yeah?” Heeseung chuckled.
“She fit perfectly in my arms.” Jay added giddily. “I didn’t want to let her go.”
Sunghoon leaned against the wall. He knew Jay had gone out on his own yesterday, but he didn’t know he went out out. No wonder he was home so late, he must have gone to a club or something.
He was surprised, and somewhat impressed. Jay had somehow evaded all the sasaengs and had gone out, stayed out late and apparently met a girl?
Well… that…
Good for him?
Jay was handsome, funny, talented, kind, hard working and could be smooth when he wanted to be. He deserved a nice girl, and he seemed to have sort of found one. He wondered if this was the one-
“It sounds like you’ve found the one, Jay-ah. I’m happy for you.” Heeseung said.
“I think so,” Jay sighed happily. “I’m in love hyung. I’m going back for her, she’ll be mine by the end of the day.”
“I don’t doubt it,” Heeseung agreed.
Sunghoon sucked in a breath and pressed his lips together. It was still dangerous for them to tempt fate like this, and he was a little surprised Heeseung was encouraging Jay to pursue this girl. Especially after the last dating scandal he got into.
(Ni-ki made it his life’s mission to never let Jay forget that Jungwon’s dating scandal had been with another big, high profile idol, and Jay’s had been his eomma. Normally Sunghoon would join in on the teasing, but now it just… fell flat.)
Regardless, he wasn’t sure what to do with this information. Clearly, it was meant to be a private conversation between Jay and Heeseung- as private as it can be in a shared dorm, anyway.
So Sunghoon did what any self respecting, accidentally eavesdropping member would do.
He faked a yawn as he walked into the kitchen, stretching and rubbing his eyes, so as to prove that he had barely woken up. Heeseung looked up at him from where he was scrolling through his phone. “Morning Sunghoon-ah.”
“Morning hyung,” Sunghoon’s fake yawn turned into something real, his eyes watering a little as he shuffled over to where a mug of tea was already sitting.
“I made some, I hope that’s okay,” Jay said in lieu of greeting.
Sunghoon nodded and picked it up, taking a sip.
“Hey! That’s my tea?” Jay protested, baffled as he paused his stirring of what looked like scrambled eggs and pork belly.
“Technically it’s my tea,” he corrected him. “It tastes sweeter,” Sunghoon smacked his lips a few times, taking another sip curiously. “Did you add sugar?”
“It’s special honey my appa brought back for me,” he explained.
Sunghoon put the mug down immediately- Jay never let anyone use his expensive honey -but Jay only pushed it back to him.
“It’s okay,” he said. “I don’t actually mind. I’ll make another mug after.”
Sunghoon took it back carefully and watched Jay continue working on breakfast. When he finished, he dished the three of them up as Heeseung disappeared down the hall, presumably to get Ni-ki up.
“Is that my hoodie?” Jay nodded to it, raising his eyebrow.
Sunghoon quickly hid the logo with one arm and reached for another mug with the other.
“I’ll make you more tea?” He offered.
Jay rolled his eyes but didn’t push it any further, turning back to the food as the other two members came out to sit at the table.
No one brought up the girl again, so Sunghoon didn’t ask.
-
“She’s pretty, isn’t she?” Jay was showing Jungwon a picture on his phone as they waited for their dance instructor.
“She’s really pretty, hyung,” Jungwon nodded dutifully.
“Her name is Jane,” Jay beamed. “She’s like a dream, I just couldn’t stop last night.”
Sunghoon scowled at the ground. It was one thing for him to discuss his private matters with Heeseung, in the comfort of their own home. But to discuss it with Jungwon in their practice room? While they were all around? When their choreographer could walk in any minute.
“Oh yeah, Yuki said you came back super late,” Jungwon nodded, seemingly unbothered by Jay’s disregard for propriety.
“She sounded so good,” Jay grinned. “My back is killing me now though, and my fingers feel stiff.”
He tuned out the rest of the conversation, focusing on his stretches. He didn’t want to hear about Jay spending the night with some girl named Jane. He couldn’t understand why everyone was acting like this was completely normal.
With a name like Jane, she must be foreign, right? He wondered if she was American, like Jay, or maybe Aussie like Jake. Jay went on and on about her beauty, so Sunghoon reviewed every celebrity crush Jay had ever told him about to try to piece together what this girl could possibly look like.
But for the life of him, he was coming up blank. He even considered some of the most objectively pretty women he could think of, like IU or Wonyoung. Yet he couldn’t come up with an image that would be worthy of Jay’s seemingly undying affection.
Before too long, the choreographer came in and Jay finally stopped talking about the love of his life.
When their session ended, Jay slid up next to him.
“You busy?” He asked curiously.
“No,” Sunghoon cocked his head to the side. “Why?”
“You wanna spot me at the gym?” Jay’s smile widened.
It had been a while since they had gone to the gym together. Last year they had gone religiously, but it tapered out as they toured more. He liked going with Jay though. They pushed each other to go harder, and encouraged each other to push past their limits.
He found his own smile mirroring Jay’s as he nodded.
“Yeah, sure.” He agreed.
They didn’t bother changing as they pivoted away from the rest of the group to head to their familiar, favourite weight lifting room.
Luckily dance provided enough of a warm up that they could get right into it. Like the gentleman he was, Jay let Sunghoon go first.
“Woah,” Jay blinked as Sunghoon shrugged off his flannel and laid down for the bench press.
“What?” Sunghoon looked up at him, surprised.
“Dude, when did you bulk up?” Jay’s hand landed on his bicep, and Sunghoon automatically flexed it for him, pride bubbling up in his chest.
He worked hard maintaining his physique, so he was happy someone noticed and appreciated it. Especially if that someone was Jay, who spent a decent amount of time himself working on bulking up. Jay shook his head and scoffed, pulling away.
“I think you can do more,” he nodded to the bar. “An extra 10 on each side, at least.”
“I don’t know…” Sunghoon looked at it curiously.
“I’ll buy you tiramisu if you-”
Sunghoon was up and retrieving the extra weight before Jay could even finish his sentence, trying not to pay too much attention to the butterflies in his stomach as Jay laughed.
-
“Where’s Jay hyung?” Ni-ki asked as Heeseung made them ramen.
“Still with Jane,” Heeseung snorted. “I’ll be surprised if we see him before bed.”
“He’s obsessed,” Ni-ki rolled his eyes. “He’s going to break something at this rate.”
Sunghoon didn’t want to hear about Jay breaking anything with Jane. How could they both sit there like it was normal? He could understand Heeseung, but they were exposing Ni-ki to this whole thing?
“It makes him happy,” Heeseung pointed out. “So if he wanted to spend what little free time we have with Jane, who are we to judge him?”
The conversation moved on, but Sunghoon couldn’t.
Did Heeseung have a point? If Jay was happy, did it matter what he thought?
But if Jay was really happy, like really happy, wouldn’t he tell them? Wouldn’t he introduce them? Wouldn’t he-
He is telling them. He’s telling everyone. Sunghoon thought miserably. Everyone but me.
They had dinner and turned in not long after. Sunghoon changed into pajamas and tried to clear his mind, but he spent the next two hours staring at his ceiling.
It’s not that he didn’t want Jay to be happy. He wanted him to be happy. He wanted him to be loved and cared for. He was a wonderful person, Jay deserved to have good things.
And if this Jane really made him happy, Sunghoon should be supportive of that. Clearly it was working out- it had been two weeks since Jay met Jane, and there hadn’t been even a glimmer or a ripple of a scandal in the air. They had some pretty scarily dedicated sasaengs, so if there was anything for them to sniff out, they would have done it already. Sure Jay always seemed a little tired because he was staying up so late, but he also seemed happier. His smile was brighter, warming Sunghoon’s chest as Jay seemed to relax for maybe the first time since they entered I-Land.
Maybe that was it. There was a weird feeling in his chest that ran all the way down to his stomach, twisting and turning until he felt sick. It got worse every time he heard about Jane, or Jay’s activities with her.
Jealousy was a disease, and he suffering a terminal case.
He always knew in the back of his mind that he had felt different about Jay than the others, but he never had any issues with it. He could generally keep his feelings under wraps, and when they manifested in sitting a little too close, or goofing around in a way that turned a little too physical, or listening to Jay ramble about whatever his point of interest was that day, Jay matched his energy.
But now, with Jane in the picture, it felt wrong.
It wasn’t really her fault if Jay fell in love with her, so it didn’t really feel right to let his feelings manifest in the same way. It felt like crossing a boundary, like there was a line and it had been redrawn to accommodate Jane.
He could heard the door of the doors open, and despite everything, found himself throwing his covers off and heading out of his room.
Jay looked up from where he was taking his boots off and blinked in surprise.
“What are you doing up?” He asked.
Sunghoon could have shot back the same question, but instead he merely shrugged and leaned against the doorframe. “Couldn’t sleep,” he mumbled, careful to keep his voice down so they didn’t wake Heeseung or Ni-ki.
Jay’s eyebrows drew together in concern and he stepped towards him, reaching for him.
Sunghoon was selfish. He should have pulled away, ducked out of Jay’s grasp and put on some tea. Instead, he dropped his arms and let his eyes close as Jay kneaded the muscles in his shoulders.
Jay had some hidden talent for massages, and gave them out to the members freely when they were a little younger and didn’t have quite as immediate access to a professional masseuse. Now he rarely did them anymore, but Sunghoon could appreciate that the instinct was still there.
His hands were rough where he touched bare skin. He liked it. In their sphere of idoldom, where everything was meant to be polished, pretty and perfect, Jay’s calloused hands felt real. Grounded.
“You’re stiff,” Jay mumbled. “Did you remember to stretch properly after rehearsal?”
He didn’t. Jay had been lamenting about being away from Jane, and Sunoo had been teasing him about running off to marry her, so Sunghoon had left pretty quickly without completing his normal cooldown. But he wasn’t sure how to explain that small part to Jay without exposing the bigger picture.
“Maybe it wasn’t good enough?” Sunghoon suggested, melting a little more as Jay’s thumbs slid up to his neck to add some pressure there.
“Let’s get you back to bed, hm?” Jay suggested. “I’ll keep at it until you fall asleep.”
Sunghoon cracked his eyes open. “Aren’t you tired?” He frowned.
Jay shrugged. “Not really. Sessions with Jane actually makes my mind more awake. It makes me want to work on music.” He confessed.
Music. Work on music. Jane gives Jay enough inspiration to want to write songs about her.
Sunghoon fought every instinct to stiffen up and stepped back shyly. “I’ll head to bed.” He nodded.
“So do you want me to come?” Jay furrowed his eyebrows again, one hand still lingering on his shoulder. “I don’t mind rubbing your shoulders a little longer if it helps.”
Sunghoon should say no. Jay was in love with Jane. He wanted to write songs about her, he wanted to marry her. This would do nothing but delude him further into thinking he still had a chance.
But his traitorous heart yearned for the quiet, intimate moments, so he found himself nodding and leading Jay back to his room, sprawling out on the bed on his stomach. Jay’s hands returned to his shoulders, and Sunghoon melted into his mattress, exhaling heavily.
“Thanks Jay-ah,” Sunghoon mumbled.
“Any time,” Jay whispered back.
A moment later, Sunghoon was blessed with the sound of Jay humming an unfamiliar tune as he drifted off to sleep.
He tried not to think about if this might have been the second time Jay did this tonight.
-
“I’m hungry,” Ni-ki complained, in true maknae fashion, completed with throwing himself across Sunoo and Jungwon’s laps.
The two other members looked relatively unbothered by the six-foot-something teenager throwing himself across them.
“I could eat,” Sunghoon nodded, looking at Jungwon.
Heeseung and Jake were off on their own schedules, and Jay had gone missing the moment they entered the HYBE building. So it was just the four of them, waiting on their leader to agree to call it a day so they could grab something to eat.
“Sure,” Jungwon nodded. “We’ll go get Jay hyung too and we can go out.”
“He’s with Jane,” Sunoo pointed out.
“Oh yeah,” Ni-ki mused. “Good luck getting him to leave.”
Sunghoon choked on his sip of water, immediately flying into a coughing fit as he hit his chest a few times. He was vaguely aware of the maknae line surrounding him, thumping his back gently and checking on him, but his mind was abuzz.
Jane was here? In the HYBE building?
Was he stupid? Bringing her around here of all places?
Or was he extra stupid, and he was dating a staff member?
This was so much messier than he thought.
Once he assured them he was okay, he couldn’t exactly come up with an excuse as to why he suddenly didn’t want to go for lunch. He also wasn’t sure how to convince them that interrupting Jay and his girlfriend was probably a really bad idea.
So there he was. Following them to where Jay was keeping his super secret girlfriend.
“Have you met her before?” Sunghoon whispered to Sunoo. “Jane, I mean?”
Sunoo shook his head. “I think Jungwon has, and maybe Heeseung hyung too. But I don’t usually come down this way so I’ve had no reason to.”
Sunghoon frowned at that as Jungwon opened the door to the studio. He braced himself for shouts of protest, screams, voices, anything. But the only thing he heard was whatever music Jay was playing to drown out whatever activities he was doing with Jane stop.
They filed into the studio, and Sunghoon looked around, a little confused.
There was no trace of anyone except Jay being in the studio. Not extra jackets or shoes or anything to indicate that he wasn’t alone. He had a black and white guitar in his lap. He looked between them all curiously.
“Hey guys,” he blinked. “What’s up?”
“We’re going out to eat,” Jungwon informed him. “Think you can part with Jane for an hour to join us?”
Jay shrugged and nodded. “Sure,” he said, getting up, carefully cradling the guitar.
“Where is she?” Sunghoon asked finally, still looking around confused.
“Who?” Jay furrowed his eyebrows.
Sunghoon looked at him exasperated. “What do you mean who? Where’s Jane?”
Jay blinked a few times and slowly held up the guitar.
“No,” Sunghoon shook his head. “The girl.”
There was a loud, uncomfortable silence before Ni-ki couldn’t hold his laughter back anymore, turning and snickering.
“What?” Sunghoon’s gaze snapped to him.
“Hyung,” Sunoo said it in the gentlest, kindest voice that only served to put Sunghoon further on edge. “Jane is the guitar.”
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
Sunghoon felt his heart drop, dread pooling in the pit of his stomach. He felt the heat of embarrassment crawling up his neck and taking over his whole face, all the way to the tips of his ears.
A guitar? He was losing his mind over a guitar?
He was spiralling. He could feel it. This expectation he had built in his head came crumbling down around him, leaving him feeling lost and exposed.
“Why don’t you guys go ahead?” Jay suggested. “Me and Sunghoon’ll catch up. I want to introduce him to Jane properly.”
Jungwon was quick to wrangle Ni-ki, who was still trying very hard not to completely lose it at Sunghoon’s stupidity, and Sunoo who kept sending him sympathetic looks out the door.
Sunghoon stood there, refusing to look at Jay, who wouldn’t look away.
“You wanna meet her?” Jay offered.
“Your guitar?” Sunghoon said incredulously, the heat in his face just getting worse.
“I’ll let you hold her.” He said softly.
Sunghoon got the impression by the way he said it, that it was not an offer he made often.
He nodded after a moment and sat down on the chair. Jay brought the Fender guitar over and placed it in his lap. Sunghoon made sure his hold was secure and watched as Jay helped him with a few chords.
“She’s pretty.” Sunghoon offered shyly, strumming a few times.
Jay hummed and studied him curiously. “Is that why you’ve been weird the last couple weeks?”
Sunghoon’s head snapped up, and he stared at Jay with wide eyes. Jay seemed calm, steady as he crouched down in front of him. He had one hand over Sunghoon’s on the fretboard, and the other resting on his knee, his thumb swiping back and forth.
“I…” Sunghoon trailed off, staring at him helplessly. “I wasn’t weird.” He said finally.
And he wasn’t, okay? He tried really hard to remain calm, cool and collected. He refused to dwell on the girlfriend he thought Jay had, intentionally tuning out and letting his mind wander when the conversations came up.
“Maybe to anyone else,” Jay nodded. “You kept pulling away from me. You wouldn’t sit with me at meals, and I’m pretty sure the only real conversations we had in the last two weeks was that night in the kitchen and the one time you came to the gym with me.”
Sunghoon winced and looked back at the guitar, strumming a few more times. Looking back on the conversations, he should’ve connected the dots sooner that Jane wasn’t an actual person. But he had been so caught up on how Jay talked about the guitar, and how the others talked about Jay with the guitar, that it hadn’t registered in his mind that Jane was just that- a guitar.
He had spent the last two weeks getting jealous over an inanimate object.
The embarrassment was back in full force and Sunghoon had to squeeze his eyes shut, rounding his shoulders a little more.
“Would you be upset with me if I got a partner?” Jay asked tentatively.
“Upset with you?” Sunghoon repeated, tensing all over again as his eyes snapped to Jay. “No, no, I wouldn’t be upset. You deserve to have someone dote on you and care about you and- and you deserve someone who will love you.” He insisted.
Jay hummed, squeezing his knee gently. “You’re sure?” He asked quietly. “I just… I don’t understand why you were being so weird when you thought Jane was a girl.”
But Jay wasn’t stupid. Jay knew Sunghoon better than maybe anyone, just like he knew Jay. So he knew Jay was sitting here, crouched in front of him, knowing full well why Sunghoon had been so distant the moment he thought Jay had a girlfriend. He was just waiting for Sunghoon to say it.
“I…” Sunghoon took a deep breath. “I guess I was just… jealous?” He winced.
“Jealous?” Jay’s eyebrows shot up.
“You were suddenly spending all your free time with some girl named Jane,” Sunghoon explained. “And the way you talked about her- you sounded in love, Jay-ah, properly in love. And the way everyone else talked about her sounded like they knew it too.”
“So you were jealous of me?” Jay asked slowly.
“No, I was jealous of-” Sunghoon cut himself off and looked back down at the guitar.
They were quiet for a long moment before Jay shifted to be at a better height. His thumb was still rubbing a soothing pattern on his knee as he pressed a little closer.
“Sunghoon-ah,” he murmured. “Look at me.”
Sunghoon peeked up at him. Jay leaned in, studying him for another beat.
“You don’t need to be jealous of Jane.” He whispered.
And then his lips were on his and Sunghoon wasted no time kissing him back. Both of Jay’s hands came up to cradle his face and bring him closer, and Sunghoon had one in his hair while the other kept a grip on Jane so she didn’t slip from his lap.
But Jay was pulling him closer with reckless abandon, and it took what little brain power for him to pull away just enough.
“Be careful of Jane,” he breathed out, only for Jay to be back on him a second later.
“It’s just a guitar,” Jay mumbled against his lips, reaching for it and setting it aside on the stand.
This cleared the space between them, so Sunghoon wasted no time pressing closer, joining Jay on the floor as the chair skidded away from them.
Jay’s guitar-calloused fingers gripped his waist and pulled him more comfortably against him.
They sat there, wasting Jay’s precious time with Jane, making out on the studio floor until his stomach rumbled, reminding him of the plans they were meant to be attending.
Jay pulled away to laugh a little, and peppered kisses along his cheeks and neck.
“We should find the kids and get some lunch.” Jay suggested.
“I guess,” Sunghoon sighed, resting his forehead against Jay’s. “I’m sorry I was weird about Jane.”
Jay chuckled and kiss him sweetly. Another thrill shot down Sunghoon’s spine. “Just talk to me next time, yeah?” Jay murmured.
“Yeah,” Sunghoon breathed out and kissed him one more time, slow and sweet.
“I can’t believe you were jealous of Jane,” he chuckled.
“You should hear how you talk about her,” Sunghoon nearly whined. “You would think you suddenly got a girlfriend too.”
“What, because I called her beautiful?” Jay raised his eyebrow and pulled him a little closer. “You’re beautiful too.” He whispered.
“And you said she fit so well in your arms that you didn’t want to let her go.” Sunghoon protested, stammering a little as Jay’s grip tightened around him.
“Yeah?” Jay murmured encouragingly. “I think you fit better.”
“And that she sounded-” Sunghoon’s breath caught in his throat as Jay pressed slow, deliberate kisses along his neck.
“You sound even prettier than she does,” Jay murmured into his skin.
“And-”
“Sunghoon-ah,” Jay said soothingly, reaching up to cup his cheek. “If the choice was between you and the guitar, I would choose you every time.” He assured him, before he grinned up at him. “Probably.” He added playfully.
“Probably?” Sunghoon repeated, his voice raising as he blinked at him rapidly.
“Yeah, I mean,” Jay looked over at Jane with a longing look Sunghoon could only hope was over exaggerated. “Look at her.”
Sunghoon held his face in his hands and made him look at him, narrowing his eyes at him.
“Tonight, you will be coming home at a decent time,” he informed him firmly.
“Will I, now?” Jay responded with amusement written all over his face.
He leaned in and kissed him again, nice and slow in a way that had Jay pulling him closer and closer, deepening the kiss until Sunghoon broke it off. Jay’s lips chased his, but he pulled away and held his head in place.
“I’ll come home at a decent time tonight,” Jay nodded, a little dazed.
“Good,” Sunghoon whispered, kissing his forehead before slowly getting up. “We should go find out where the others went to lunch and get something to eat.”
“Yessir,” Jay scrambled up and followed after him.
Sunghoon reached for his hand, and Jay laced their fingers together without a second thought.
And much to Sunghoon’s satisfaction, Jay didn’t look back at Jane once.