Chapter Text
Tav felt nothing, and it was glorious.
The cosmos glittered in every direction as raw ribbons of weave pulsed colors into the void. She had a body, of sorts – more or less anatomically correct – checking sent her spinning, slowly.
Gale floated toward her, but it wasn’t quite Gale tonight. His skin was liquid silver, draped in a rich blue toga and a billowing cape. In this form he was colder somehow. Even when he wrapped his arms around her ethereal waist and pulled her close his eyes were distant stars. Also he had… abs? The soft curves of his body were now skin-tight muscle, unyielding as it pressed against her.
The silver warmed under her touch as she traced his collarbone, resting her hand on his chest. In the material plane, this was where his Netherese scar swirled but here it was unmarked skin. This was his fantasy, after all. He put one silver hand over hers with a smile as she kissed him.
Then he took her, and she felt everything.
His raw power pulsed through her as the cosmos shimmered and the weave danced around them. Vision became feeling became something more as build, release, and satisfaction flowed together. He knew her, undid her, then pulled her back together to do it all again. They fucked past time, past sensation, past description in a kaleidoscope of joy.
~
Tav woke to a cold nose on her cheek as Scratch prodded her awake. As the aches of the road returned, so did the persistent throbbing between her legs. Somehow it was worse than yesterday, again. In his separate bedroll across the tent, Gale's chest rose and fell in contented rhythm. Careful not to wake him, she arose and dressed, stepping into the cool morning air.
Tossing a dried sausage to the grateful dog, she made her way toward the woods. As soon as she lost view of their little camp she slipped into the underbrush on silent feet for her daily hunt. It didn’t take long today. In a nearby clearing she found a shallow gully concealed by tall grass, near a babbling stream. Settling on her back, she loosened her clothing and got comfortable. Cool mist prickled bared skin as she let her gaze drift to the morning sky.
Her hand slid into her wetness, brushing her clit with firm, practiced fingers. As her body primed, she considered options for the morning’s entertainment. Last night's fantasy flashed through her mind but faded fast as her desire honed to its usual focus.
Now it was his skillful hand that pulled her clit erect. His fingers that rolled her nipple into an aching bud, pinching it as her hips found their rhythm against the sex slicked fingers working inside her.
The warmth, the soft weight of Gale as he fucked her with the power and confidence he used to merge them every night. It pulled her taut and she stayed the course as her hips bucked for friction. Her sex clutched her fingers tight as she came, cresting small waves of pleasure. Her mind flushed with calm as she began tracing slow, comforting circles around her clit.
She had spent years bringing herself to release like this. Half a lifetime spent in the wilds of Faerûn gave her plenty of time alone. Coming fast and silent was second nature now. Her pleasure couldn’t risk the hunt, but even a ranger has needs.
As her thoughts drifted to Gale again her soft edging began building a much bigger wave. Gods, she needed this. She needed him to do this. His fantasies were wonderful, he was wonderful. The touchless fucking in the cosmos was wonderful in ways she couldn’t even describe.
But she hadn’t felt him in the prime material plane, not like this. Where he could bury that busy mouth into her, find new depths with that silver tongue...
She drew taut again, balancing on that knife’s edge of release for endless moments. Aching, she chased it, gasping and straining in desperation. Again. She moaned loud, raging against that invisible barrier. It was so close, it was right there, but it slipped her grasp. Her body finally gave out as prickling frustration grew inside her. The throbbing ache returned. Tomorrow will be even worse.
Nearby, a branch broke.
She brought her head above the grass, scanning for movement with practiced stealth. A huge bear drank from the stream at the edge of the clearing. It raised its head, watching her with hazel eyes, water dripping as it licked its damp snout. The bear inclined its head to her, then turned and walked back into the woods.
The sun began to rise in earnest as Tav cursed her lapse in control. An anxious churn began in her belly as she headed back toward camp. Halsin would understand, right? Getting off by yourself is normal, even in a relationship. And hiding in the woods? Yeah, it’s a nature thing, and they both understood nature. It didn’t mean she wasn’t satisfied. It certainly didn’t mean she needed help. She had almost convinced herself by the time she returned to the small cluster of tents. The anxious churn lingered.
Halsin wasn’t one for sitting idle when a friend was in need.
~
When she returned Gale had their coffee ready, the darling man, “Sweet dreams, I hope?” he smiled.
She sat next to him outside their tent. “Indeed, though an otherworldly presence paid me a visit. Not the normal one, mind you, this one was very clear about its motives.”
Gale grinned, “Did you like it? It’s something I’ve been toying with lately.”
“It was … different.” She sighed ”Gale, You can present yourself as you like, always. You didn’t seem like yourself though.”
“Precisely! I was so much more. I like to think it’s what I could be, after we dispatch the elder brain. I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to be, well, a god.”
She felt the netherstone – her netherstone, she’d come to think of it – thrum in its leather pouch between her breasts. When he talked about this sort of thing it seemed to feed on his raw ambition.
“Well, you were underdressed. Who knows how drafty the divine realms are. A sweater instead of a cape would be more practical.”
“You sound like Tara again,” he chuckled, “But believe me, nothing is practical among the gods.”
She let that trail into silence as his words bounded darkness. She never knew what to say when Mystra came up. Well, she did, but didn’t think voicing strong opinions about his goddess of magic would do anything but put them at odds. She sipped her coffee instead.
He sighed. “A beautiful dream, I know, but not entirely implausible. Karsus made the thing in the first place to best Mystra and ascend.” He looked to her "It’s possible the Crown could ascend both of us, you know.” His voice was quieter, serious. "We could both be gods. Find our own little corner of Elysium. We could spend the rest of eternity doing whatever our hearts desired.” The netherstone gave another thrum in response.
She leaned forward to meet his drifting gaze. “Right now there’s nothing in the divine realms I desire that isn’t right here, right now, with you, my love.” He smiled, but with a brush of disappointment - not the answer he was hoping for, it seems. The silence stretched a moment too long.
She took a deep breath as she regarded him seriously. “Besides, I didn’t see any pockets in that toga and that is a deal breaker for me.”
“See that’s why a sweater is such an inspired idea!”
Their discussion of divine couture continued as they broke camp and prepared for the day’s travel.
~
The trip itself was simple now, though slower than any of them had expected. A century under the shadow curse had blighted the land between Reithwin and the Risen Road, and their little caravan made slow progress as it picked its way through the fissured landscape. Their supplies were dwindling again. There was little to forage in long-abandoned towns and most game was dead or cursed.
Still, a clear destination kept spirits lifted. Each day the sun shone brighter, the vegetation was greener – they were closer to Baldur’s Gate.
They had encountered no cultists since they left Moonrise and no undead for a few days, so Tav padded through the woods from habit, mostly, ostensibly scouting ahead but also happy for a break from the social obligations of traveling with so many people.
She kept a careful eye on their small cluster of wagons though, and her wizard. Riding with the rest of the city folk, he was working through the books they had scavenged from Moonrise. Today he was reading an Encyclopedia of Eels cover to cover.
Halsin’s bear padded beside her in comfortable silence. She and the druid’s wildshape could be mistaken for a bonded pair these days, ranger to beast. But only this bizarre confluence of events had brought them together. She preferred to hunt in solitude and the archdruid answered to none save nature and his own heart.
A weight had been lifted from Halsin since he left Reithwin, now in the care of his reunited friend. The former leader of the Emerald Grove had kept his distance for most of their journey. He was patient as their group meandered toward Moonrise. Then, grateful for their help confronting the darkness that haunted him for a third of his long life.
His straight-backed formality melted as Thaniel’s heart-tree rose above the broken town. With his friend saved and duties fulfilled, nature’s balance had been restored. He was suddenly free.
With no circles, no politics, and no curses it was like he’d finally exhaled and was grateful he could taste air again. He followed them to the city to honor his promise of aid, but his eyes were on the horizon.
In all honesty, hers were as well. The wilds called to them both, and they had become fast friends.
When he stopped short, sniffing the air, she stilled. Nocking an arrow and fading into the shadows, she followed as he bounded into the deeper forest. Long moments passed as the woods quieted.
Then, the underbrush crashed as a stag emerged, pursued by Halsin's bear.
He drove the animal toward her in a dance they’d practiced dozens of times now. She let her arrow fly for the easy kill.
When it fell, she laid a hand on its flank, kneeling in respect as its breathing slowed. Her magic searched the beast in cool, blue waves as the bear padded back to her. He kept a respectful distance as she worked.
Her magic faded and she smiled. “It’s normal Halsin, no sign of the shadow curse.” The bear gave her a playful shove with his head that nearly pushed her over. She laughed, pushing back as she regained her balance. A pulse of golden magic behind her announced Halsin’s human form.
“I guess dinner is on us tonight,” he stretched as he stood to his full height and admired the fruits of their teamwork.
Not a normal elf at all, she thought. Just out of wildshape there was something altogether beatific about Halsin. Silvanus himself, manifested in this towering wood elf. He tended to wildshape naked these days ("as nature intended” he’d say, but they both know it wasn’t strictly necessary). His sun darkened skin covered in a sheen of sweat, russet hair shaggy above and below. She’d never seen an elf so… furry.
He retrieved his clothing from her pack “We should make camp early tonight. Your heart will likely want time to prepare a feast. We’ve all been eager for a satisfying meal.” He favored her with a playful grin – a bit too wide, a bit too long.
Gods, he was going to do it, they’d have to talk about it.
She tried to focus on preparing her knife for the work ahead but her hand slowed as she watched the druid dress. The persistent ache sharpened as hard muscle moved under the softened curves of middle age. Pulling his hair back with a bit of string, he tucked his flaccid girth flush down one leg of his leathers and joined her next to the deer.
“Discovering you this morning was a pleasant surprise.” Halsin unsheathed his own knife as they field dressed the stag together. “You have seemed troubled today, but there is no need for shame. I am sorry I intruded on such a personal activity.”
He could have been discussing the weather. The quick, casual beginning of the conversation she’d been dreading all day took her aback. “It’s not like you were listening through a keyhole, Halsin. Getting off in an open field isn’t a private affair.” She attempted a sheepish smile, pushing down the knot of anxiety as it churned faster. “Still, I would appreciate your discretion about it.”
He nodded, looking at her squarely. “Of course. You have my word. And I’ll be careful to respect your privacy in the future.”
He meant it. She smiled. They worked in silence for a moment.
“Would you indulge me by discussing it for a few minutes, though?”
The knot churned tight again. Here it is. “Sure, Halsin, what’s on your mind?”
He was still casual, but she could tell he chose his next words with care. “Like all of the Oak Father’s creations, bears sense things differently than we do. In wildshape, I couldn’t help but notice that there was a sour edge to your pleasure this morning. It’s hard to describe with words.” He paused with the effort of translating his wildshape's sensations, “Fragmented, melancholy?”
“Frustrated?” she winced at the reflexive horror of being seen. The knot turned icy and numb.
“Yes. I have sensed this frustration growing in you for some time but this morning it seemed violent enough to bring you pain. I do not like to see my friends in distress if there’s some way I may be able to aid them."
He must have seen the blood drain from her face, mortified. He gave her a small, reassuring smile.
“I would be happy to assist in any way you need. I listen well and can give adequate counsel on occasion if you'd like to avail yourself of it. Nature has blessed me with a versatile set of skills in this regard."
She raised her eyebrows. Well, that was intriguing. “Skills? How versatile are we talking?”
“Pleasure can elude us when body, heart, and mind are not in balance, so all three need care. If it’s an issue with heart or mind, I can provide counsel. For your body I also would be very happy to assist your pleasure, or show you techniques you could apply alone.”
She swallowed as he measured her reaction. For a moment she felt his hunger, the raw need behind his words as a faint smile played on his lips. Then it was gone and he was the wise archdruid again.
“I am always open to discussing options. This is the last I’ll bring up any of this without your consent.”
Tav took a deep breath.
“If we’re going to make any kind of meal of this stag, we need to get it back to the caravan so Gale has enough time to prepare.”
Her words were a little too sharp and she stood a little too abruptly, leaving the animal to the druid’s experienced hands.
~
When Halsin and Tav emerged from the woods with the stag slung between them, the caravan did indeed stop for the day. Their pace had been punishing for weeks with the search for cures, leads, and healing for the trauma they shared. A fresh-cooked meal and a clear path forward was enough reason to celebrate. Minthara coaxed a tune from her lyre as the wine flowed and the murmur of conversation raised. Whatever the city held for them could keep for one more night.
Tav found Gale at the cookpot. Several of his simulacra bustled around the fire, preparing the evening’s meal in efficient harmony. His corporeal form stoked the fire with a thin strand of weave, eyes lit and sparkling when he saw her approach.
“My love, I have the most fantastic book for you tonight. I know you’re close to the end of Fallen Stars, but have you heard of The Butler’s Knob? it’s a classic Baldurian farce.” He busied himself with chopping a small pile of vegetables looted from Moonrise’s kitchens. “Of course, it’s not named that exactly, ‘The Butler’s Cane has a Knob on the End’ just doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily.”
Tav caught a rogue mushroom as it fell from his chopping board, tossing it into the pot as he slid the rest in. “We’ve spent a lot of time in the library lately. Could we stay here tonight?”
He looked at her with a frown, “The books all stay in the memory, my love, and we have few here I’d recommend. One can only read so much about eels.”
“We could take one night, though.” She thought back to Halsin’s words that afternoon. Eventually, even the part before he offered to teach her new ways to masturbate. “We spend a lot of time with our minds in the books and our hearts in the stars. Maybe we could spend some time in our bodies, here? For balance. Get away from camp a bit." She moved her body closer to his. "It’s a new moon so the stars are bright past the campfire,” she reached to touch his arm.
Then, she felt it, that slight quiver. A microexpression of fear passed his features, freezing mid-slice for a moment. The boundary was hard tonight, and she respected it. Stepping back, she crossed her arms across her chest while her body screamed defiance.
She felt him relax as she retreated. “So… you really think I’d like this story? It sounds pretty silly.”
“Incredibly so!” The tension melted as they returned to the safety of books. “You’d devour The Butler’s Knob, and it would be a lovely change of pace from your usual fare. I find it’s best to balance my more intensive reading with some fluff every now and again. It can’t all be swordplay and cunning language.”
His smile flushed her with warmth. She had never met anyone like this odd bookish man. Once his facile arrogance had faded, his charms quietly drew her in. Now there was no escaping this love, her comfort in his presence. Of course she’d be there. She’d read anything he liked to spend another night with him, even in a conjured memory of his home.
Maybe even without ever touching him.
Maybe.
“Would you mind checking on our ursine friend? All we’re waiting on now is the venison for the stew. A few of our companions are growing restless….” He sneaked a glance up to Minthara, who glared at him as she plucked her lyre across the camp.
Tav smiled and gave him a quick, careful kiss. That light brush of his lips was one of the few forms of contact he didn’t seem to mind. So chaste but gods, it stoked the need in her.
“So I’ll see you tonight?”
“Of course.” She smiled, “I wouldn’t miss it.”
~
“So how would this work, anyway?”
Halsin moved a large cut of meat in front of him, scoring it to guide his blade. “How would what work?”
“The techniques, the heart and soul and body stuff.”
“You’d like us to continue our conversation from earlier today?”
She smiled. Here we go. Deep breath. “Yes, Halsin, please continue. I want to hear more about these versatile skills.” He nodded, continuing his work.
“The physical techniques are quite straightforward. They require a level of familiarity we’ve yet to explore and all the trust that implies.” He fixed her with those hazel eyes with a smile. "I must admit my interest is also personal. Since we first met I have often thought of sharing other pleasures with you besides the hunt. Many other pleasures, in fact. Your arousal this morning was… intoxicating.” There was that hunger again, freed by the simple admission. “When I realized it was so inhibited, I wanted to assist. I have my own preferences about the forms that would take, but will offer any help you will accept.”
She smiled, meeting his searching gaze. In all honesty, the connection between them had been instant, undeniable. It had only grown as he left the shadowlands behind him.
“Of course, your partner is also a participant in your desire. Gale would have to consent if we pursue a more physical route. I would invite his participation too, if all parties are willing.”
When she was younger, Halsin would have not had a chance to finish the offer before she leapt on him to take it, current commitments be damned. Knowing him, knowing this would come up eventually, she hadn’t actually known what she would do until this moment. But the druid’s careful words and refreshing directness made the knot in her stomach finally relax. Her bond with Gale was precious and she would defend it fiercely, even if it meant forgoing opportunities like this.
“I appreciate the offer of,” she cocked an eyebrow. ”physical assistance, but must politely,” she sighed, “regretfully decline. Gale’s not keen on sharing, but I’m keen on Gale.”
Still, she flushed with arousal. The things she’d do with his cock. She had seen it flaccid many times but what would it be like, hard and proud? Would it be warm and heavy on her tongue? She imagined those powerful hands holding her steady as he worked his girth into her. Would she even be able to fully take him? Those questions roamed free in the safety of her mind and even denying him filled her with heat.
Gods, she needed to come around something. Soon.
“Of course. Gale is a lucky man.” He meant it. She smiled. He was true to his word. She could walk away and they would remain friends. All offers were genuine and made in good faith.
He began cubing the loin. “Since aid with the body is off the table, let’s try mind and heart then. You have been through much since our journey began, even more before we crossed paths. Are there any experiences that linger with you overmuch? Things that overwhelm your senses when you pursue release?”
There had been so many horrors since waking up in fire and smoke aboard that nautiloid. Things she’d never un-know or un-see, but most weren’t intruding here. Only a few came to mind.
Gale kneeling before her, holding her hand to his chest. The insatiable, menacing darkness consuming him. The emptiness, the sorrow.
When he shied away from her touch the morning after he confessed his love in the shadowlands. That rejection, confusion, the small ache of loneliness that kept growing.
Wrestling the dagger from him at the brine pool. The shame, the fear, the tears in his eyes as he failed his goddess again. Knowing she couldn’t hold him and that words would never be enough.
“The ones that get in the way all seem to be about Gale. It makes sense, I guess.”
She eyed Halsin and sighed. He had won her trust many times over, and maybe he could actually help.
“I think … not everything is as I’d like it with my wizard.”
Halsin stopped his work and gave her his full attention, letting the silence pull her forward.
“Every night he takes me to a memory of his library in Waterdeep. We read, watch the sunset, then have these … encounters?" She sighed, "It’s sex, Halsin, cosmic mind blowing sex, but it's all his fantasies. We’ve barely touched in the real world."
As the unsaid manifested, the careful embargo she’d kept on her feelings gave way.
“When I instigate things physically he shuts down, shuts me out. I don't want to hurt him, and I respect his boundaries, but Halsin – gods above – I live in this world. My desire lives in this world. I’m about to lose my mind.”
He listened attentively as he left his work, leaning against a barrel at a respectful distance. He gave her a few moments of silence afterwards to ensure she’d said all she needed to say.
“Tav, a boundary set is to be honored, always. Between lovers, though, it should be discussed. Do you know what about touch makes him so uncomfortable?”
“No, but I can hazard a guess or three.” She felt weeks of rumination bubbling to the surface. “There’s the orb, the tadpole, and his ex, Halsin, his ex. I get it, honestly. But he seems so fragile. I think telling him how unsatisfied I am would be devastating. I love what we have. Gods, I love everything else about him, Halsin, but I need release. Real, physical release. I’m reaching the limits of what I can provide myself. I need him.” Her voice cracked and her eyes misted unexpectedly. She took a deep breath as Halsin crossed his arms against his broad chest.
“Leaving something as important as this unspoken already hurts you both. Your needs are as important as his boundaries. The only way to discover how the two coexist is to greet both with honesty.”
“But what if burdening him with this causes him even more pain? It could break him, it could break us.”
“Sharing burdens is what lovers do. He needs to know you’re in pain. There is always risk to pursuit. Sometimes we choose our own pain because it feels safer than pursuing desire.”
That hit so close it stung. After a moment, she spoke softly. “I’ve never cared this much about anyone, but I’ve never understood a person less. When I try to work my way through this I don’t recognize myself. I get overwhelmed and turn into some coward.”
“Our hearts make us all afraid. To love is to be vulnerable, and to fear vulnerability does not make you a coward, Tav, simply alive.”
They both stilled for a moment as that settled between them. When she looked up, Halsin was watching her. The pure empathy in his deep hazel eyes softened the harsh truth.
“And that’s ‘old druid’s lecture’ for ‘talk to your lover.’” A wan smile crinkled his eyes as the tension broke.
“In truth, I may understand more about Gale's situation than most." Halsin didn't look up as he spoke. "Desire colonized by power warps the body and the mind in unexpected ways. He may have less control over his responses than he can admit.” His hands stilled over his bloody work. “Possession by someone who holds total power over him may have shaped him to sate only their desires. He may not know how to access his own anymore. Arousal itself could feel tainted.”
Another long silence drew out between them as Halsin quietly lost himself in thought. The druid wasn’t forthcoming about the source of this insight but it hung heavy on those broad shoulders. He returned to the present with a sigh.
“It is possible to reclaim pleasure in the face of trauma, with time, trust and careful work. Untamed magic like his orb can also be calmed. My first circle specialized in both, and I would be happy to lead both of you toward healing, if you’re willing.”
He dipped his hands in a basin, turning to her seriously as he dried them.
"But Tav, do not pursue this path unless you are willing to meet him wherever he can land. It will be slow and unpredictable. It could push him away, or you. Gale may not even want to reclaim physical desire, now or ever. Are you willing to live within his boundaries? Work with patience and no guarantee of your desired outcome? If he was unable to change from who he is right now, what would you need for your own joy?”
Heat pulsed inside her at the possibility of a path through this, tempered by Halsin’s sensible warning. She thought for a moment, and knew. “I need physical satisfaction. Regularly. I want it to be with him but it can’t always be just me. I don’t know what that means right now, but that’s non-negotiable. Beyond that, I would spin touchless in the stars with him forever.”
She nodded to herself, looking up to meet his gaze. “Halsin, I’d be happy for your wisdom and aid through this, wherever it leads. I want to pursue the full breadth of what my relationship with Gale could become.”
Halsin nodded with a smile. “So first, you talk to Gale. See what can be said, and if he consents we three can try to coax your wizard back into his body.”
The owlbear nipped her trouser leg with a soft pull, sitting back on its haunches as it begged with wide eyes. She rewarded it with a quick scritch under the beak as Halsin filled a bowl with chopped venison. He handed it to her, meeting her eyes warmly as his hand cupped hers.
“And remember, if you two agree, I am happy to provide any physical release you require.”
There was no way in all the hells she would forget.