Chapter Text
Three months before
Ruby thinks self-awareness might be something of a curse, these days.
"Afternoon," Yang's voice crackles over her scroll. "How's it going?"
Nothing about the last nine years has been easy. No part of it was - well. Okay, sure, the first half a year or so was pretty great! Really great. But like, fine, nothing about the last eight and a half years has been great.
(Not like it's an anniversary or anything, it's not exact anyway - )
"Yeah, good," Ruby replies. "Long day, but good! I think we've finally reached the point of the year where the new kids can talk to me without freaking out, which is nice."
She thinks there's a pretty clear demarcation though, between before and after she developed eyes inside her own brain. Not - brothers, okay, not actually, she'd love to say that isn't possible but Salem got up to some gross stuff.
Before the Ever After, she was struggling, in pain, hanging on by a thread towards the end, but she was oblivious to it. That was just what life was like - she just wasn't the kind of person who had - who was -
"Nice," Yang says. "We'll be back in less than a week, I reckon. Dealt with the Nevermore ahead of schedule, so now it's just cleanup."
She kind of wishes she had retained that obliviousness afterwards. Brothers knew some people did! They'd had to tell, like, everyone even vaguely in the circle of trust about it all of a year later, when it had abruptly become clear that she might actually be able to kill Salem. To kill the gods, even.
(She's permanently in a state of trying to work out if it's weird, to keep on saying "Brothers" as like, a curse, when she has personally threatened them with Crescent Rose. It probably is weird, right?)
"Cool!" Ruby grins a little - things are always a little better when Yang and Blake are back. "Maybe I'll join you on some missions this summer - Winter's got the school pretty much running itself at this point, so I shouldn't be needed much."
Nobody had really like - noticed, though. Well - Qrow did. That conversation sucked. But nobody else did! Ever since, she hasn't been able to get the idea of a world where she just didn't realise that she'd -
She doesn't actually know how to phrase it, and it doesn't matter because she doesn't love saying it anyway. What does it count as, if she's still alive? But also kind of died? Rebirth isn't really something people generally factor into their understanding of these things.
Anyway. She realised. Realistically, there wasn't a world where she didn't, because there wasn't a world where Weiss and Yang and Blake didn't, and they weren't just going to let that be.
"Oh," Yang says, voice wavering a little. "Yeah, maybe! If you're up for it."
So now she just has to walk around in the world as a person who tried to kill herself.
Also as the Hero of Remnant, and as Professor Rose, and as someone who's doing better now! Because she is. It really, really, isn't that she's not doing better.
"Of course she is," Blake's voice comes over the scroll, a little more distant. Ruby smiles to herself - Blake is great, because she's like a sister that Ruby doesn't have 15 childhood years of baggage with. "That'd be great, though! We actually met up with Oscar and Penny whilst we were out here, and they mentioned wanting to host something over the summer, get everyone together."
Ruby stops smiling. Things like this are why she insists on voice calls.
"Still so weird," Yang says. "I mean, it makes sense, but it's weird! They seem like they're doing pretty well, though. Couldn't tell you what they're doing with their lives, but they're doing a lot of it!"
Ruby digs her nails into her palms. Stares at the wall and tries to come up with something to say.
"Hi guys," Winter's voice comes from behind her. She nearly jumps out of her skin. "Sorry, I've got to steal Ruby away - kids have gotten themselves into a situation, again."
"Hi Winter!" Yang exclaims. "Yeah, of course - we'll call tomorrow yeah, Rubes? Work something out for the summer."
"Yeah, of course," Ruby manages to get out. "Bye guys. Love you!"
"Love you too," come the synchronised voices of Yang and Blake over the scroll before the line goes shut.
Ruby lets all the breath rush out of her body.
"Right, okay," she says, still staring at the wall. "What's the situation? Did someone blow something up again? Because I know we restricted Dust access for a reason, but I bet you anything that Morei is still doing experiments somewhere, I just have to find it - "
Winter circles the staff room table, sits down opposite her. Gives her a look.
Ruby sighs, presses the heels of her palm into her eyes.
"I could go for a situation," she says, weakly. "A situation could be, like, completely what I need right now."
"You don't freak out this much when I bring up Penny," Winter observes, matter of fact.
"You don't bring up bringing me to meet her!" Ruby replies.
"I definitely do," Winter says. "I have done that multiple times."
"But you wouldn't actually make me." Ruby says.
"Your family won't make you, either," Winter says. "You can't seriously think they would?"
"They'd ask why," Ruby says. "What am I supposed to say then?"
"Oh, of course," Winter says. "Because they can be trusted with many of the deepest, darkest secrets of your soul, as well as truths about the defeat of Salem that would cause mass civil unrest if they came out, but you couldn't possibly tell them how you felt about Penny."
Weiss is Ruby's partner. She will always be Ruby's partner. They call twice a week, and every time it makes her feel like she can breathe again, and there's nothing Weiss doesn't know about her. Even this.
Weiss is Ruby's partner, but somehow, Winter is Ruby's best friend.
Despite being awful, sometimes.
"Yang and Blake will interfere," Ruby whines. "You know them! You know they would! They're desperately in love, and perfect for each other, and they give me enough trouble even without knowing about - that. Can you imagine how they'd react?"
"They wouldn't do anything you didn't want them to," Winter says. "But I suppose they might, say, actually call you out on your bullshit when it comes to Penny. Something I'm apparently incapable of doing."
"You are not," Ruby says. "You are calling me out right now!"
"Yes, that's why I rescued you from that call," Winter sighs. "To force you to confront your emotions."
Ruby groans, collapses forward on the table.
She is doing better. She's doing pretty well in a lot of big, important ways. She feels seen, listened to - she's surrounded by people who love her and are kind to her and know her to an extent that she could never have imagined in the worst depths of the war.
She just also feels a bit like she's drowning in an endless sea of - of something, sometimes.
She looks back at the last six years, and can't help but break a little at every mis-step, every screw-up, every avoidable tragedy. She knows what the people she loves would say - it's not her fault. She literally saved Remnant. She did her best, and nobody would ever even for a second expect more of her.
It's not even really that she expects more of herself!
It's just that the ghost of a world that can never be hangs over her. A world where they'd saved Atlas, and Weiss didn't have to spend her life away, an entire culture and history resting on her shoulders.
A world where they'd saved Beacon, and the years of safe, carefree bonding that she watches her students live every day had been available to her and the people she loved.
A world where they'd worked out what was going on in Vacuo in time, and Nora wasn't the only one left of JNPR, and Ruby had never taken the poisoned fangs through her abdomen that put her out of action for a year and still loom over every bad day.
And so many worlds where it was different with her and Penny. Where the - where she - Ruby doesn't have words for what Penny is to her.
She's just never going to be able to deal with looking Penny in the eyes and not seeing even the smallest spark of recognition.
"I do plenty of confronting my emotions," Ruby says, voice soft. "I promise."
She lifts her head enough to see Winter staring down at her, eyes all sad.
"I know," Winter says. "I'm sorry."
Ruby cracks her neck, pushes herself up to her feet.
"Actually, though," she says. "Are we sure Morei doesn't still have a lab somewhere?"
Winter sighs, grins.
"Well," she says. "Professor Simo did want us to do a check of the ruined arena over by the Sim Wing. Said he smelled something off."
"I knew it!" Ruby exclaims.
One month before
"You are kidding me," Ruby says. "The Vytal Festival? Seriously?"
Penny and Oscar are hosting their little reunion during the Vytal Festival. In Atlas.
Weiss is helping.
Ruby is going to scream.
"Uh, yeah?" Yang says, between bites of her sandwich. Barely between. "Why?"
"Why?" Ruby asks. Surely this is - come on! Come on!
Weiss gives her a look. Ruby is not meeting her eyes, because Weiss knew about this, and is helping, and why?
"I know it was awful," Blake says. "But it's not going to be like last time."
"Of course not!" Yang says. "Come on, Ruby, we had a great time at Vytal all the times before - you know. It doesn't have to be a bad thing!"
"Right," Ruby says, feeling slightly hysterical. "Sure."
Blake sighs, gets up to put her dishes by the sink.
"You don't have to come," she says. "Obviously. But - well, I think Pyrrha would appreciate it, really. I know Nora is planning on holding a remembrance ceremony, for her and for the rest of her team."
Weiss gives her a look. Ruby swallows.
"You're right," she gets out. "I - I guess Pyrrha would have appreciated that."
And now she's feeling bad that the Pyrrha thing hadn't even occurred to her. Ugh.
"Okay, you talk her into it Weiss," Yang says, also getting up. "We're going to go visit Qrow."
"Oh, I'll make sure to," Weiss says. Ruby is pretty sure her partner is evil. "Enjoy your visit!"
"Um, to be fair," Ruby starts, "Maybe I should - "
"You'll stay seated, Ruby Rose," Weiss says. Ruby does, because she has learnt her lesson several times over. She sits there as Yang and Blake grab their stuff and walk out, and still sits there as Weiss stares at her in a way that Ruby can read as 'deciding how harsh to be'.
She desperately does not miss the period of time when Weiss (and Yang) (and Blake) were chronically, desperately gentle with her, but also - ugh.
"You are not pulling out of Vytal," Weiss says, eventually. "I have put so much work into this. You have booked appearances. We're doing this together!"
"I - of course not!" Ruby splutters. "No, of course not! I just - I - maybe I could just find a way to be somewhere else for those days?"
"Three days out of a week is almost half a week," Weiss hisses. "But sure, why not? It'll be fun. We can put bets on who will hunt you down and kill you first. I know the obvious bet is Nora, but we both know how dangerous Oscar can be."
Ruby groans.
"Whose idea was this," she whines at Weiss. "Please tell me you didn't suggest this."
"Of course not," Weiss says. "Penny came to me with the idea, actually."
Ruby wants to throw up.
"I guess that makes sense," she says weakly. "Like, reclaiming it, or something."
"Yes, that sounds very healthy, doesn't it?" Weiss deadpans.
She feels so tense. Just the thought of - of having to attend this thing, practically hand-designed to be a reminder of all the things that bite into her soul most, and pretend to be happy -
"Nobody really knows how you're doing, you know?" Weiss says. "Penny asked. Asked if you'd be coming."
Ruby's eyes dart up.
"She - she asked?" she can hardly breathe. "Do you - is she - "
"She doesn't remember you, as far as I can tell," Weiss says. "It's fairly expected, for her to ask, I think."
That's not even what Ruby had been about to ask. She's accepted that Penny won't remember her, but she still lives in a mixture of fear and hope that one day Penny might want to - to try. Or to hear about it. Something.
"My point is," Weiss continues. "You don't have to put anything on. You can tell Yang and Blake that it'll be really difficult for you, and they'll understand, and the rest of them won't find it particularly remarkable that you seem - different. They'll probably even expect it, given how little contact you've had with most of them."
Ruby clenches her jaw. Loosens. Weiss is right - this doesn't have to be some big show.
"I dunno," she says anyway. "You might not feel the same when you're dealing with me crying at literally all of the parties."
"Who says I'd be dealing with that?" Weiss shrugs. "Apparently you've got my sister wrapped around your finger these days, so I'll just make her do it."
"Ew," Ruby screws up her nose. "Weiss, don't."
Weiss grins. Ruby has been permanently haunted and scarred ever since the first time she heard the rumours going around school that her and Winter were together - and then the rumours escaped the school into the outside world. Their mutual disgust at the situation is, at least, another thing to bond with Winter about.
"You'll be fine, Ruby," Weiss says. "You'll build it all up and then it'll be fine. And if it really isn't, then literally everyone you love will be there, so."
"Wait," Ruby says, horror dawning. "Are Yang and Blake going to invite Qrow?"
Now
It really helps how nice the last few days of the festival have been.
She really, really doesn't like being a celebrity. Mostly. There's so many things about her life that are difficult and messy and screwed up because of it, and it just doesn't feel right, and so on and so on. She could complain about her fame for hours.
The thing is, she'd dreamed for most of her childhood of being a hero. Being someone who saved people, and - like, yeah, that had involved the 'after' saving people bit too! And the people of New Mantle are kind of her people - between her close relationship with the Schnees, and the fact that it had been her and her team that got them out of there, that stood up to Ironwood, that fought for them in Vacuo.
So much about the day of the fall of Atlas had been screwed, but she'd never regretted standing up for the people of Mantle. Not then, and not a day after. So when they cry, and ask for signatures, and introduce her to their children - it feels less bad, is all. Maybe even good.
"I'm so glad you and Weiss are coming to this thing," Robyn sighs as they walk down to the little private building they've hired out for the evening. "I just haven't talked to any of the rest of them in years, you know?"
Robyn is apparently still cool - except now they're like, fully colleagues, something she has thankfully been prepared for by her experiences making friends with Winter. Yet another thing that has been nice about the festival so far, too - the Huntresses have been around a lot, and they're all great.
"Yeah, I'm kind of in the same boat," Ruby says, trying to push down her rushing heartbeat. "I mean, obviously I'm still in contact with my team, and with Winter, and now you, but - that's kind of it, you know?"
"Yeah," Robyn says. "I can't believe the other Huntresses wouldn't come. They were literally there at - um."
"You can talk about Vacuo," Ruby snorts. "Can hardly forget about it when I wake up aching from it most days. It sucked, but it's not like - I won't freak out, or anything."
Mostly just because it's never been something she can box up and put away, like - other things. Because of the pain, and the extensive recovery, sure - but also because everyone knew about it. About how she feels about it. It's like the Ever After - nobody let her ignore it and put it away.
"Hah," Robyn chuckles. "Yeah, fair. My bad. Anyway - they were there at Vacuo! They should have to come!"
"We don't have to come," Ruby points out. "It's just that Weiss would sub-contract our killings out to Oscar if we didn't."
"To Oscar?" Robyn laughs.
"Dude, Oscar can do magic," Ruby says. "He could kill us so easy!"
"Sure," Robyn deadpans. "You faced up to the literal gods of our puny mortal world, but Oscar would out-match you."
"He'd just give me that look," she says. "You know the one, right? Like after that time with the Vacuan generals, and he just looked at us all - "
"Disappointed," Robyn says. "I didn't even know he was - well, him, you know! I was just there wondering why I was feeling so bad at disappointing this random infant - "
Ruby laughs, throws her head back, looks back down and loses all the breath in her body.
It's immediately obvious that she failed to take into consideration some very important things when attending this event. It's understandable - there were a lot of things to think about!
She had, even, thought about the fact that Penny would have grown, changed, that she'd look different - she'd tried to prepare herself for that. She'd thought it would hurt.
She can't believe she'd ever thought looking at Penny would hurt.
Penny is here, and she's alive, and she looks radiant. It's way too much to even begin to take in - she's - it's -
Her hair is all messy. Penny's hair never really got messy before, and she'd never gotten the chance to - which isn't to say that it isn't lovely. It is, cascading ginger and a bow tied in at the top because that hasn't changed (except it has, because the bow is clearly worn, used - )
She's wearing a jumpsuit, bright red and covered in green polka dots. It's - it's garish, and Ruby loves it, and she's never even seen Penny in a colour that wasn't green or orange, and -
And she's put on weight! She's got a - a tummy, and a bit of a double chin, and her hips are wider, and - fuck.
Penny is alive - not just alive, but alive in the ways humans are alive, everything she ever wanted -
Ruby feels like she's glowing from the inside out. Like it's just going to pour out of her and light up the whole street. The whole block!
"Um," Robyn says, as Penny makes her way into the building. She didn't notice Ruby, and Ruby thanks the brothers for it - she needs a second. "You're, uh - crying?"
She blinks, feels the wetness on her face - oops.
"Hey," she says to Robyn, feeling like - like something, brothers - "You want to know a secret of mine only Weiss and Winter know?"
"Oh," Robyn says. "I mean - you don't have to tell me why if you don't want to. I'm happy to just go in and make some excuses for you, or - "
"I kinda do wanna tell you," Ruby says. "Weiss and Winter have known for ages, and they're like, pretty fed up of hearing about it. And pretty much everybody else I could tell would make a whole thing out of it, so."
Robyn hums, looks at her.
"Okay then," Robyn says. "Go for it."
"I was in love with her," Ruby says. "Penny, that is. Pretty sure I still am."