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Jealousy had never been a foreign emotion to Jared. It’s something he had learnt to live with, to control – He made up for what he lacked in other ways. What was ugly was overshadowed by his passion. It made him feel like a fraud sometimes, but ultimately, he found that it was better to be a fraud than a murderer.
He wouldn’t murder anyone. Of course he wouldn’t. No matter what. But gosh, the thoughts that ran through his head. Every time someone else was chosen above him. Every time he was sidelined for literally no reason. He was completely abandoned for days before anyone realized that he was stowed away in fucking Arallon – he may have let that go immediately, for the sake of the company, but those memories don’t just go away.
They just slowly build up over years until something insane enough happens, to make him explode at everyone and everything around him. And lately, Richard seemed to have been… really getting to him. And Jared wasn’t sure how to address it. This was the one thing he should’ve been prepared for – but he knows that this is just how matters of the heart go. You can’t really plan to fall in love.
(But, oh, wouldn’t it be ideal if he could? Selfishly, this is not how or when he wanted Richard. He wanted Richard when he was at his lowest. He wanted to hear him say it: “Jared, I need you. I can’t do this without you.”)
As he watches Richard walk some woman out of the house, with her hand in his, hair all messed up, Jared silently curses himself. Don’t you let yourself falter again, Donald!
When Richard comes back, and the boys congratulate him on hooking up with someone, Jared will be just as happy for him. He has to be. He should just avoid making direct eye contact, or look at his hair, or his disheveled clothes.
It’s only inappropriate if he makes it inappropriate.
#
“I’ve missed talking to you,” Richard says to him one day. Out of the blue.
Jared tilts his head, questioning. “What do you mean? We talk every day, Richard.”
“No, um, like. It’s always about work. At least it has been… lately. I don’t know,”
“I apologize if I’ve been overly formal.”
Richard sighs. “You’re. Doing it again. Don’t apologize to me. Tell me what’s up.”
Jared feels the warmth of Richard’s hand on his shoulder, something he will never quite get used to. Richard does not like touching people, usually. So this is a moment to be savoured. And yet, it’s gone before he knows it. Richard resumes drinking his coffee, and Jared gets to stand there and look bewildered for no apparent reason.
“I’ve been—just tired lately. Not that I’m complaining!” Jared says, smile unnaturally huge on his face.
“You should take more breaks, man. And if. The garage is too small, you can rest in my room. And the garage is too small, holy fuck. Of course you’re tired.”
Jared looks at him, bitterness apparent even in his cheerful-as-ever-tone. “Oh, but that’s where all the magic happens, doesn’t it? I couldn’t possibly—”
“What do you mean?” Richard asks, genuinely confused.
“I simply don’t wish to get in your way, during your little escapades with your, um, partners. It’s good to relieve stress, Richard.”
“Partners? It was like, two women, Jared. And you know that neither of them want anything to do with me anymore. I haven’t even, um, done it since then. Just go chill in my room for a bit, okay?”
Jared wants to say something more, but. Richard just leaves before he can say anything. It’s – a little insane how good Richard has gotten at reading him. He knows how to get Jared to listen to him, in the rare moments where he’s being like this.
He walks to Richard’s room, sulking a little bit. He’s always strangely enjoyed having his patience tested like this, to be allowed to look but not touch; but it was a lot when it came to Richard. He could feel it throughout his body: he wants him. But he can’t have him, and he needs to get this idea out of his head. For Pied Piper’s sake, and for dear CEO’s sake. It’s… untoward.
He sits in a corner of the room (just in case Richard wants to take the bed) and makes himself cozy. He didn’t really have much to do today for a change, so he gets lost in his thoughts and drifts off to sleep then and there.
#
Richard honestly forgets that Jared is even in his room when he goes back to have some “alone time”. He goes straight to his PC and opens up Rule 34. Big Head had recently put him on to this game called Honkai Star Rail, and like, the game wasn’t really for him, but he came across some tentacle porn of its characters and it kind of changed his life. And it has been a really annoying week. He deserves a bit of a break, no matter how annoying Dinesh and Gilfoyle get about it.
As he scrolls through some shit he really doesn’t care too much for, he undoes his pants with his free hand. It’s all muscle memory to him now. He finally lands on that picture that did him in in the first place, and lets out a soft gasp. He’d seen tentacle porn before, but it was usually… girls. And even the guy ones, they were always some unrealistically huge buff men that honestly didn’t do shit for him. But this character looked kinda tall and lanky and rough on the edges, with this very distinct patheticness to him.
Kinda like Jared.
Oh shit.
That’s not who he wants to be thinking about again. It’s already been so weird between them lately, and Richard really can’t deal with the idea of popping a boner whenever he sees Jared around a bunch of wires or something.
And yet.
He closes his eyes and imagines him like that. Jared, half-naked, all caught up in fucking wire tentacles, splayed out in front of Richard, embarrassed. Him begging Richard to help him get off, pleading with him to make the tentacles move. Richard giving into his demands but never letting him come.
Only he can give Jared what he wants.
Only him.
Richard lets out little moans as he strokes himself off, peppering in a few chants of “Jared!” here and there. His eyes are closed as he comes, with a final shout – and the embarrassment hits him just as quick as the pleasure does.
As he opens his eyes, he sees him off the corner of his eye. Just. Standing.
He almost doesn’t want to turn and confirm if it really is Jared in his room, but then he remembers their conversation in the morning and feels pure cringe surge through his body. He doesn’t even get the chance to put his pants back on before he somehow manages to slide out to the floor.
“Richard! Oh, let me help you up!” says Jared, as he pulls him back into the chair by his shoulders. Was it not embarrassing enough for… all of that to happen? Now Jared also has to be so very nice to him. Like always. Fuck. Maybe this is why Jared had become so weird lately. He clearly knows Richard better than he knows himself, and must have noticed what had been on his mind lately, and then taken the charge in bringing professionalism back or whatever the fuck.
Fuck.
Before he can bring himself to apologize, Jared hands him a couple of tissues. “Richard, I am so sorry, I should’ve told you I was in here. I didn’t even – notice that I had nodded off. On the job too, at that. I sincerely apologize for meddling in your, um,” He vaguely gestures to Richard’s crotch, “Private time.”
Is… he not going to acknowledge the elephant in the room?
“I will take my leave, but if you need anything from me, do not hesitate to reach out. And once again, I am so sorry, Richard. I’m sorry for being a pervert. This will never happen again.”
Jared leaves the tissues on his desk, and takes a quick glance at his PC screen. He clears his throat as he’s about to start walking out, but Richard stops him.
He doesn’t know what to say. He gets caught between saying “I’m the pervert!” and “I’m the one who told you to rest here!” and ends up with some phenomenally shitty word vomit in the shape of a sentence:
“I told you that you’re a pervert. I mean, um, It’s me. I’m –”
“I’m sorry, Richard, I didn’t realize that you knew.”
“—The pervert. What?”
“I didn’t think that you knew about my… affliction with you. I’m sorry. I never meant to be jealous. I know it’s not my place. And now it’s affecting you too. Stupid, stupid Donald.”
“Jared, what the fuck are you talking about? What do you think is happening right now?”
“I… ruined the sanctity of our professional relationship by thinking about you in a manner that was way beyond professional or platonic. And you clearly felt it too, otherwise you wouldn’t be… well.”
Richard takes this moment to pull his pants back up so that Jared would stop gesturing to his dick. “What, you think I was jerking off to you because I like, read your mind and got infected by your ‘inappropriate’ thoughts or whatever?”
Jared nods. “Yes. And don’t worry, I understand if you wish to fire me. I can help you with finding replacements. It’ll be like I was never here.”
Richard laughs. “Could it not just be that I find you attractive too?”
“But… you don’t. You’re straight, and though I’ve seen men who just say that because you’re in denial, you’re not in a space where you have to be.”
“Well yes, Jared, I’m not in fucking denial. I know what I like.”
“That’s great, Richard! I’m happy for you.” Jared responds, cheerfulness back in every facet of his demeanor. This is what Richard doesn’t understand about him – he’s so genuine about everything, but sometimes his happiness for Richard felt… manufactured. Like he didn’t really mean it.
Maybe—
“Okay, but you like me. Like you’ve been thinking about me.”
“Richard, I don’t think it’s appropriate to discuss that… as my CEO, I’m not, I shouldn’t –“
“C’mon, why are you even. Fighting this. You just watched me fucking, jerk off. To you. How are you not connecting the dots.”
“I’ve connected the dots alright, I just… don’t wish to ruin the integrity of Pied Piper, especially not while we’re still fighting for a chance to survive in this cutthroat environment.”
Richard immediately feels like a douchebag. He’s the one who’s making all of this weird. Jared is his employee, after all, who cares so much about him and even has his back to this point. And he’s just trying to throw it all away for a chance to… what? See him naked? After everything—
“But, Richard, if you must know, I,” Jared’s voice drops to a whisper, “Wouldn’t be opposed to widening my scope of helpfulness for you.”
Richard wants him to elaborate, but Jared slips out of his room before he can even fully register what he just said. Maybe he just has to… consider his options.
#
It’s been so… strange since that day. Neither of them talk about it, until they finally fucking do. Kind of.
Jared makes tea for Richard while everyone else takes a break by going to the new hipster café that opened near the hacker hostel – “It’s full of weirdos, but their cappuccinos are so cheap!” Dinesh had said – and Richard walks into the kitchen.
They’re alone, which means that no one else is there to witness their awkwardness as they navigate all of this.
“Are you stressed out again, Richard?” Jared asks, innocence dripping from his voice. “Do you perhaps wish to contact Liz again?”
Jared knew that after getting punched by Melcher, Liz was the last name he wanted to hear. And yet.
“Maybe I will call her, Jared. Maybe I – maybe I’ll ask you to do it for me.”
Jared smiles. “What do you want me to say to her?”
“Tell her that I’ll be alone in my room from 2 to 6 today, and that if she needs a place to sleep… she can crash with me.”
“I’ll let her know as soon as I’m done with this cup!” Jared beams.
“A-and. Tell her to wear that.”
“Wear what?”
“She knows what.” Richard says, looking at the ground. He wasn’t used to this kind of cheekiness from Jared, even if they would indulge in little roleplay scenarios way before this.
Jared does a little salute as he hands Richard his tea, his eyes almost twinkling with excitement.
He does know what Richard wants her to wear.
#
When Richard goes back to his room, he’s giddy in a way he’s never been before. He knows that when he walks in, he’ll find Jared, but what he doesn’t expect is:
“Oh my god.”
Jared is lying on Richard’s bed, shirt and pants undone but not taken off, hair disheveled, and he’s wearing that stupid fucking Pied Piper jacket.
How did he know exactly what Richard wanted? Like, he’d vaguely alluded to wanting to fuck him in that jacket a long time ago, but not the rest of it. How did Jared know that he doesn’t like undoing other people’s clothes? Or that he finds it hotter when someone is only half naked instead of fully nude?
It was like he had been waiting for this all day, which, admittedly, he had been too.
“Is this to your liking?” Jared asks, and Richard wants to shake him. He takes his pants off in record time as he gets on top of Jared, not quite knowing what’s okay to do and what isn’t.
“You can do whatever you want,” Jared says, adoration apparent in the way he looks up at Richard. “I’m all yours.”
“But. You’ll tell me if you don’t like something, right?”
“I’ll say ‘Enough’ as an indication.”
“Okay.”
Richard still struggles with doing anything. He’s hard as a rock at this point, but he’s scared, which is strange because he wasn’t this scared with Liz and that was actually scary considered what was at stake.
Now…
“Richard, do you want me to take the lead?”
“O-K.” Richard responds, finally breathing again. He didn’t even realise how tense he had become. Jared quickly swaps positions with him, and the look in his eyes as he gazes down at Richard sends all the blood in his body rushing towards his dick.
“So, Richard, tell me how the girls touch you.”
“What?”
Jared traces his fingers over Richard’s collarbones as he unbuttons his shirt. He’s so reactive to just this – Jared can’t wait to see how he gets when his hands go lower.
“Do they just make you strip and then ride you, or do they—” Jared kisses him in the middle of his chest. “—Take their time with you?”
“A, ah, They usually just, blow me I guess and then I fuck them, I don’t know,”
“Richard, we can’t have that. You need to be savoured,” Jared licks his nipples one by one, eliciting a sound from Richard that neither of them had ever heard before. He lightly sucks on them, drinking in all of the little reactions he was getting.
Richard, who is losing his mind at this point, starts thrusting up at Jared’s thigh, eager to feel some sort of friction on his dick. Jared notices this and slips a hand inside his pants, just to caress it.
“Can you—just. Stop being so gentle. Holy shit.” Richard demands.
“Tch tch,” Jared takes his hand away immediately. “Good things come to those who wait, Richard. I’m not Liz or Winnie.”
“Jared.”
“Don’t worry, captain. You’ll get what you want soon enough,” He says, before he leaves a trail of kisses from his chest to his stomach. He takes Richard’s pants off, and smiles at how hard he is. He looks at him again, just to check in, and the eagerness on Richard’s face is hypnotic. He just wants to be touched so badly.
He kisses down the tip of his dick, starting with small kitten licks – just to get those noises out of him. Richard practically shakes with pleasure as Jared takes him in his mouth, slowly and then all at once. It’s neat at first, but it gets sloppy just as quick, as Jared lightly massages his balls with his tongue – something no one has ever done before.
“Where did you. Holy fuck. How do you know all this.”
Jared simply gazes up at him in response, and that look is what does Richard in. “I’m. Fuck. I—”
Jared keeps at it even as he feels Richard coming down his throat, making him feel even more sensitive. Jared truly does suck dick like it’s a job interview – so fucking eager to please and get the most out of it.
“I’m sorry.” Richard says, when he realizes that they haven’t even gotten their clothes all the way off yet and he’s already fucking jizzed in Jared’s mouth.
“Richard… what are we going to do with you?” Jared asks, with a mischevious glint in his eyes. “Next time, we’re gonna learn how to be patient, okay?”
“But… Jared… Just give me a few seconds, I can still—”
Jared wipes his mouth off with his hand, fake-annoyed. “Good things only come to those who wait. Didn’t I say that?” He slowly gets off of Richard’s bed, careful not to accidentally hurt him in some way. “So wait.”
Richard watches as Jared walks out and closes the door behind him, and feels deeply disappointed in himself while also possibly being the most excited he has ever been.
He’ll wait. He’ll show Jared that he’s not some impatient schoolboy who comes at the slightest touch. He’ll be good. Jared won’t even know what hit him. Maybe next time, he’ll actually be able to fucking touch Jared and take his time with him.