Chapter Text
Natalie always knew she was different in some way. Many ways. When she was really young, she didn’t. As the years went on and as her body grew and changed, she knew something was off. She didn’t like it.
She didn’t like being known as a man. Absolutely despised it. So she did what any person her age would have done. Grew out her hair, changed her voice, and her name. Not illegally but she corrected people enough to the point where it stuck.
A few years later she moved from California to New Jersey. A fresh new start with new people who didn’t know about her past. The estrogen she may or may have not gotten illegally worked well enough to give her needed features to pass from as a woman. Boobies and a raspy but feminine voice.
At sixteen she joined the Yellowjackets, at seventeen Misty joined the Yellowjackets as a team manager, at eighteen they started hooking up. Now almost nineteen they were still going at it. It wasn’t like she loved her though. She just needed someone to get her stress out on. That was all. Really.
She didn’t love Misty. She was sure of it.
—
Natalie stared down at her locker as she locked it. The song “Salt-N-Pepe” by Shoop playing as some of the girls were still getting ready for daily practice, sang along. “Okay when, chillin’ chillin', minding my business,” Natalie sang and danced as Lottie, Taissa, Shauna, and Laura followed along. The mood up high from their last winning game.
They all laughed, pointed, and danced as Natalie made her way over near the gym entrance, a few others there as they waited for their cue to go in. It was a small celebration for them, well, technically for all the sports teams, but more or less specifically for them. Showing them off like school trophies, even though the school spent the duration of the school sports fund on the boys' sports teams, and only when finally taking them seriously enough to get them soccer nets without holes or soccer balls that didn't need to be pumped every hour when they got into more serious games. Even so, the quality definitely wasn't as good as some of the boys' teams, but hey, you make do with what you get.
“Now, our next act needs no introduction,” The school principal blurted out, “So let's all make some noise for you, New Jersey State Soccer Champions!” That was their cue. They all came out in a single file line. Running in one by one as the crowd loudly cheered like no tomorrow. All taking their places like they had practiced before. The people cheering for them clapped loudly as they stood there. Smiles and all.
Natalie kept a neutral face. Her mind focused on something else. The loudest voice cheering for them. Misty Quigley, the Yellowjackets team equipment manager. All smiles and bubbles. An outcast like herself, though they definitely weren’t very much alike, personality-wise. Misty craved validation and acceptance while yes, Natalie did to a certain extent care for those things, she never seeked them out. Which made it even more of a surprise that they had been hooking up. For nearly six months now, at this point. A while back there was an incidence with Natalie thinking she was alone in the locker room–aka she wasn’t. Misty coming in. Panic, acceptance, a promise, and a blow job. She never expected it but hey, when life gives you lemons you fuck them apprently.
–
Natale walked into the locker room, duffle bag to her hip as she walked into the hallway leading to the locker room. Her body still tense of that agruenment her and Taissa had a few mintues prior. She understood Tassia to an extend but Allie was a freshman for crying out loud. She just needed some time and practice. A lot more practice in all honsetly. “God damn it, Lottie,” she could hear a famailar voice mumbling to the equipment room. She peeked inside, Misty. Of course it was. She was an equipment manager after all. She could see her on her tippy toes and arm extended to its maximum length as she tried to grab onto something on the very top shelf. Completely focused on also failing.
“Need some help?” Natalie asked as she walked inside, catching Misty by surprise as she jumped at the sudden voice, but visibly relaxing once she saw it was just Natalie. “Geez, you scared me,” Misty laughed. “But yeah, I need the pinnies up there for JV today. I swear I already told Lottie fifty times that if she's going to put the stuff away to keep it in the lower shelves or middle ones, she always seems to forget though.” “Yeah, forgot.”
Natalie reached towards the top shelf and grabbed the bundle of red pinnies without a problem. “Thanks,” Misty said as Natalie handed her the pinnies. “No problem,’ Natalie replied, an awkward silence falling between them. They didn’t usually talk during school unless they were hooking up, so small talk wasn’t a common activity between them. “Good luck today. Not that you need it. You guys kicked ass during all your games and I’m sure you’ll do even better during Nationals,” Misty rambled, backing up and hitting her back on one of the walls as she tried to get out the door. “Ummm, bye.” She quickly excused herself, mumbling something incoherent before running off. Hm.
–
“What's up, state champs?” Coach Scott exclaimed as the Yellowjacket girls kneeled down in front of him, they all cheered. “Okay, so JV will. . .” Ben spoke, though Misty couldn’t hear, her ears ringing as she kept looking ahead and trying not to utterly pass out. Her vision was slightly blurred, and her body felt weak.
“Shouldn’t we say a prayer first?” Laura Lee said, with her usual smile on her face. Perfect. Misty closed her eyes and kept her head down as Laura started the prayer. Not listening to a single word she was saying, but just being glad to be able to close her eyes for a second. “Amen,” Laura said. Everyone else followed, ending the prayer. “All right, let's go.”
///
“Are you feeling better, Misty?” Coach Scott asked as he went over to Misty, who was currently munching on a protein bar he had given her, as well as a cup of water. He had noticed her sick behavior. “We don't want a Thursday incident happening again, do we?” Ben laughed; she groaned. “I got most of it into the trash can.” “That's not what the janitor said. But really, are you feeling okay?” Ben's voice was still playful but with a hint of worry. “Yeah, definitely a bit better. Actually, can I go to the bathroom? I wanna clean themself up a little.”
Ben nodded,”Of course, the girls locker room is still open, so you can just go in there if you like. No rush.”
Misty stood up, “I’ll be back in a jiff.” She gave Ben a thumbs-up as she started to make her way to the girls' locker room. Hopefully, no one was there.
–
Misty leaned on the bathroom stall door as she looked down at her drugstore pregnancy test. Four positive so far. Another one going into the positive pile as the fifth one showed one very red line along with a faint pink one coming in. The worst thing about pregnancy tests is the fact they’re often not incorrect, especially not multiple. Fuck.
Misty's hands slightly shook as she stared down at all the positives. Fuck. Mega Fuck. She knew it was a stupid idea to do this in school. Confirm all of her suspicions. The morning sickness, the dizziness, the nausea, all of it. Out of all things to be right about, this wasn’t the one she wanted to be right about. Many things she didn’t want to be right about, but especially not this. She didn’t know what she was thinking. Maybe that if she did it during school her body would magically unpregnate itself for her sake. For her comfort. Of course, it wasn’t scientifically possible but she wanted to desperately believe it was.
How would she tell her parents? She definitely wouldn’t be happy or supportive of any decision she made, and with her eighteenth birthday nearing she knew the possibility of getting kicked out because of the clump of cells currently nursing in her body were high.
How would she tell them? How would she deal with the judgmental stares of her colleagues? Of teachers, students, the Yellowjackets. How would she tell Natalie—?
Click.
The locker room flooded with the sound of shoes against the concrete flooring of the locker room. No talking. What? It was way too early for practice to be ending. Either she was there in the bathroom for over an hour, or practice ended early, which didn’t seem possible considering what the Yellowjackets were training for. The locker room was eerily quiet. Not the normal loud and cheerful place, it was after any practice. Just pure silence.
“I know we’re all really worried about Allie, but. . .” That was definitely Jackie's voice. “It might not be as bad as it looks.”
“You could see her fucking bones, Jackie. I’m pretty sure it’s exactly as bad as it looks.” Definitely Natalie.
“Oh god, I’m gonna throw up.” Van.
Misty stood still, trying to listen in on the conversation and figure out what the hell was going on.
Slam!
A loud bang rang through the locker room. “Nice work, Taissa.” She could hear Natalie saying, along with footsteps afterwards towards the end. What the hell happened?
Silently, she snuck out of the bathroom and out of the locker room. Making her way to the field where Coach Scott was picking up cones. “Hey, Coach Scott, what happened? Practice doesn’t normally end this early.”
Ben looked up at Misty, a sorrowful look on his face. “An incident happened with Taissa and Allie. She. . . Taissa accidentally rammed into her and broke her leg. She’s already on her way to the hospital.”
What. She goes to the bathroom for one second and this happens?
“B-But what about Nationals? Don’t we have to have a specific number of players to go? Without Allie we’ll be short—“
“Don’t worry, I got it covered. Someone from JV will cover her spot. Don’t worry too much about it. Just go home and rest, it’s been a long day for everyone.”
Misty didn’t push. Ben was obviously tired and maybe even shaken up. She nodded, gripping tightly onto her backpack strap, ”Okay Coach Scott, have a good day and see you at Nationals. You rest up too, okay?”
Ben smiled weakly, “I will, see you too, Misty.” Misty nodded once again, “Bye-bye.”
“Bye.”
—
Natalie felt the hot graze of the fire against her face as she zoned out. Her two friends' faces morphed and disoriented as the “diamonds” she had gotten set in.
So far the party had been a disaster with tensions still high from the whole "Allie incident". A drunk Shauna and Taissa arguing and somehow her, Van, Lottie, and Laura getting dragged into it before Jackie eventually came in and broke up Shauna and Taissa before they could do any serious harm to one another, and when Laura doing that whole compliment line-up thing. It was stupid, but definitely brought the tensions down a notch.
She didn’t even know why she cared so much about them leaving out Allie. She wasn’t close to the girl. Honestly the opposite of it. They maybe talked once or twice but it wasn’t any meaningful. Just small talk. Though the idea of leaving her out made her blood boil for some reason. Maybe it because it reminded her of a certain someone who was always getting left out. Who knows?
She stared into the forest in front of her. Her eyes widening ever so slightly. Misty was there. In her blue, pink, and white cardigan she had seen her a few times. She just stared blankly ahead at Natalie. Her face was completely void of emotion as she looked straight at Natalie. The urge to go over there and talk to Misty was strong. She didn’t know if it was the drugs making her more emotional or if she actually just missed Misty. Why the hell not? She could just blame her emotions on a hangover tomorrow. Just as she was about to walk forward she stopped.
Two people walked by. Misty was gone.
Huh. Now she was hallucinating Misty. Fuck. She was getting attached. She already knew she was but this was a new level of. . . Love, affection, care? If you could even call it that. All that mattered was that this definitely wasn’t normal for her. Getting overly obsessed to the point she was hallucinating her fuck bubby. God, fuck her life. Not that it would even matter. After the year ended Misty would go to a top college with her perfect grades, and Natalie would either go to community college, go to one that was giving her a soccer scholarship, or not go at all. She wasn’t sure. Though the idea pained her a little. She really needed to stop with the daydreaming and get serious about what she and Misty were. Just fuck buddies. She didn’t love Misty, and Misty didn’t love her, simple.
She really needed to stop with the drugs.
—
Natalie rubbed out her cigarette as she went to her room. It was midday and she needed to get her stuff ready for Nationals tomorrow. She already had her stuff out and ready to pack but just needed to actually put them in her bag.
Clothes, shoes, a few things of booze, all the important stuff. She went over to her backpack to retrieve her soccer clothes. Her head touched a hard and plastic surface. A sewing kit.
Oh yeah, she had been meaning to give it back to Misty. She was insistent on sewing Natalie's name and phone number into her favorite leather jacket. ”Just in case. You never know what may happen.” She argued when Natalie had repeatedly told her no. Only backing down after Misty had given her a little lap dance. With the whole Allie situation happening she completely forgot about giving it back. Eh, she’ll bring it. Not because she was going to use it, she didn’t know how to sow for shit. Just to finally give it back to Misty. They were only going to be in Seattle for a week. That would be plenty of time to give it back.
She retrieved her soccer uniform. Going over to the luggage and neatly packing both the sewing kit and uniform up in an empty corner. It was only a week. A week of constantly seeing Misty then they’ll both go their separate ways.
She was okay with that. Totally.
—
Misty sat crisscrossing applesauce near the edge of her backyard pool as she stared down at the light blue water. Bugs and dirt floated that hadn't been cleaned out. One thing was still alive, though. A small black rodent. A rat. Its body was completely soaking, and its little arm flared around, panicking as it tried to keep its head up and not underneath the surface of the suffocating, slow, and painful death it would have if it didn't keep its arms moving.
The idea of possibly getting out wasn’t an option anymore. Its little body to weak and its mind to panicked to think of a plan and only thinking about keeping its arms moving and its head up. Swimming aimlessly in any direction. Though its faith will still stay the same, no matter what.
It was the only other thing that was more pathetic than she was. All desperate for help that wouldn't come. Still trying to keep its head up despite being too weak to get out. The walls to big and slippery for its smooth paws, and the stairs to far away. All cause it decided not to look around and slip into its own death trap.
She knew she could help the poor thing. Just get the pool net and scoop it right out so it could scurry away and fall into another pool on another day. But what was the point? It would die either way. Either by a predator, starvation, old age, poison, thirst, or even drowning, either way, it was just going to be another rat corpse people pass by or have the dignity to throw away with all the other trash.
She already had all her stuff packed. Her clothes, blankets, pillows, a few books, and other stuff. She packed even before the team had officially won Nationals. Not cause she was a hundred percent sure they would win, but just cause she didn't have anything else to do. No friends, no social life, no partner, nothing. Maybe it just made her feel like she did belong. Like she was a part of the team, though she knew better. She didn’t. She didn't belong there, she wasn’t needed there, wasn't wanted there, and only got an invite out of pity and to fill up more spots.
Whatever happened, she just hoped she could talk to Natalie and get the whole baby situation figured out, to either have an abortion, keep it, or give it up for adoption. All were not great options, but Nationals was only a week and by then she was sure she would at least have a vague idea of what to do. All would be fine, she, Natalie, and the little clump of cells inside of her. All would be okay.
—
“Wicked,” Natalie said as she looked around the private plane Lottie's dad had gotten them for Nationals. Its interior dark red with light brown seats. She had never been on a plane before, let alone a private one but god she was loving it so far.
“I can’t believe your dad paid for a private plane,” Van said, all cheerful and smiley. “It's pretty much his only form of parenting,” Lottie replied, “I guess I'll take it. “Well, thank you, Mr. Matthews.” Both Van and Laura said at the same time. Giggling afterwards as they put their stuff away and got into their seats.
Natalie put her own luggage away. Her gaze was focused on one person. Misty. Sitting all alone. Looking out the window with her head resting on her palm.
Maybe she should–Nope. She wasn’t ready. Not yet. Either way, she was too hungover to deal with Misty's rambling self. That was only for when she was completely sober. Instead, she sat down on another seat over a few rows behind Misty. One where she couldn't see her at all. She didn’t need to be staring at her all lovesick before one of the biggest games of her life.
—
Natalie stirred away as she could feel the plane slightly shaking, “Don’t worry guys, it just normal turbulence. It should stop soon as we stabilize.” One of the pilots said over the intercom. Oh, good. At least they weren’t— “Oh shit.”
That wasn’t good.
The intercom cut off as the girls weren’t left confused. Looking around at one another for an explanation. The plane shook more aggressively, the flighty attendant who had been walking down the alley slightly shaken as she stumbled over her own feet.
Both she knew it ever was going to shit. Everyone screaming, oxygen mask popping out of their overhead compartments, the speed of the plane increasing they got lower and lower. They were going to crash.
She grabbed onto anything she could hold onto, gripping onto to it like her life depended on it. Maybe in this situation it did. She closed her eyes as she braced for impact. Closing them tightly as she held onto the arm rest next to her.
CRASH!