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Attention Citizens!
This Vox-recording is designated δ-prioris.
Remain at your workstations, but listen for the knowledge contained within!
Thought For The Day:
A healthy diet is a luxury, one that should be spent well.
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Greetings, flesh-based lifeforms. My name is Magos Chi-Pi 58, Sub-Engiseer of the Holy Order of Logi, and overseer of the blessed oil pumps of subsection 76c of the Forge World of Kolchak-12. I have been charged by my superiors within the Adeptus Mechanicus to put together this Vox-recording, in order to spread knowledge to the denizens of His Majesty's Most Holy Imperium. This Vox-recording, in particular, is dedicated to the knowledge of nutrients. Nutrients are an important factor for all life. Some of my colleagues have even proposed the controversial theory that proper nutrition is necessary to stay alive. I remain sceptical. However, we have arrived at the conclusion that the nutritional intake of the Imperial citizenry is below preferred parameters. To remedy this, I have been tasked with providing knowledge of a rite that can increase the nutrient intake of you biological types, while also addressing your backwards and unnecessary adherence to the concept of “taste”. Let us begin.
This Rite of Nutrient Fabrication, which has been labeled as number 18-183c, is dedicated to the creation of the “organic fruit/nut-based spread interspersed with bi-gluten for the purposes of nutrient-based consumption”, or the “Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich”, in layman’s terms. This nutrient mixture contains nutrition, and is a mixture of several “textures” and “flavors”, which are viewed as admirable to those who have not replaced their mouths with superior cybernetics. It is an ancient pattern of nutrition, dating back to the earliest millenniums in Terran history, and has remained a popular choice for many menial workers, children, and menial child workers.
To prepare for this ritual, you must acquire the following: 2 (two) slices of gluten ration, 1 (one) serving of fruit-based spread, 1 (one) serving of nut-based spread, 1 (one) knife or similar instrument, and 3 (three) sticks of incense. Accompanying books of prayer, holy water, braziers of incense, blessed symbols, holy reliquaries, toasters, and purity seals are not required, but are recommended to ensure that your nutritional intake is properly guarded against the corrupting influence of heresy.
To begin, light the sticks of incense, and recite the Hymn of Spedious Preparation. Then, take the slices of gluten ration in each hand. If you lack one hand, then you can request a cybernetic replacement from your nearest Tech-Priest, or ask another citizen to hold the gluten ration for you. If you lack both hands, the same recommendation applies. If you have more than two hands, then you do not need to hold one slice of gluten ration for each hand that you possess. In addition, if your additional hands are biological, and not the result of cybernetic surgery, you are requested to travel to your nearest precinct of the Adeptus Arbites, to register yourself as a mutant, unless you have done so already. Failure to comply with this request will give the Arbites reason to suspect you are a criminal, and as well as the authority to excise punishment, which consists of a 3 (three) Terran standard month imprisonment, as well as a summary kick to the jaw. Place the slices of gluten ration on a decently clean, 90 (ninety) degree surface, such as a table or a gun emplacement.
Upon placing it down, unfasten the containers of fruit/nut-based spread, while reciting the Hymn of Immaculate Motor Control. Then, you must take the knife, or similar instrument, and then dip it into the fruit-based spread. Then, spread the spread upon 1 (one) of the gluten rations. Do the same process with the nut-based spread, in regards to the other gluten ration. Following this step, put the two slices of gluten together, with the spread side being like-faced. Ensure that you recite the Hymn of Adhesive Cohesion whilst doing this.
If you have followed these instructions completely, you will have fabricated the “organic fruit/nut-based spread interspersed with bi-gluten for the purposes of nutrient-based consumption”. Ensure that you consume the nutrients while working, to keep consistent efficiency, and proper diligence and loyalty to His Majesty on Terra.
This Vox-recording has concluded. Praise be the Omnissiah.