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“In the arms of a beloved, time does not exist.”
— Vladimir Nabokov
“Am I in love?—yes, since I am waiting. The other one never waits. Sometimes I want to play the part of the one who doesn’t wait; I try to busy myself elsewhere, to arrive late; but I always lose at this game. Whatever I do, I find myself there, with nothing to do, punctual, even ahead of time. The lover’s fatal identity is precisely this: I am the one who waits.”
— Roland Barthes
Catra, 5 years old
Recess, Catra has decided, isn’t nearly as fun when she’s by herself. Usually she plays with Adora, but today, Adora is in the nurse's office after losing both of her front teeth at the same time. “I don’t want to miss recess,” she had cried when she was escorted out of their classroom. But it made no difference that it was almost time for recess, Adora was escorted out, leaving Catra on her own.
At least Adora’s probably sitting somewhere where its cool with the promise of a lollipop. Outside, it’s hot and sticky, even though it looks like it's going to rain soon. Catra hopes it doesn't, if it does, it means the rest of recess will be spent in the gym. So Catra walks over to her favorite slide—it's the biggest one on the playground, which twists and winds down. So Catra goes down it. And okay, it's still as fun as ever, but it'd be more fun if she weren't alone.
There's no line for the slide today, which is weird, it's usually one of the most popular places. She decides she's going to see how many times she can ride it. Or maybe even get "stuck" in the middle and hang out in there since no one else is around. And then there's someone calling her name.
Catra turns to her side, surprised to see Adora. Usually the nurse’s office takes forever. But there Adora is, calling out her name. Catra tilts her head, because Adora's wearing a different shirt. And her two front teeth are back, gap and all. Did the nurse glue them back on? She wants to ask, but Adora grabs her hand. “Come on, Catra, we have to go!”
“Recess isn’t over yet,” Catra protests.
But Adora is tugging her arm, and looks scared, so Catra follows her. “Where are we going, anyway?”
“Just trust me, we gotta go now!”
So they run, still holding hands, across the whole playground, gravel and all. It's hard over the gravel, and it's hard with the wind that came out of nowhere. Catra sees the teachers gathering, blowing their whistles. The whole thing is weird. It reminds her of their fire drills, but there's no fire.
And what's weirder is one second Adora is there leading the way, holding her hand, and the next she's gone. "Adora?" Catra calls. But she's nowhere to be seen.
The teachers are saying they all need to go inside, that there's a tornado warning. But Catra says she can't go without Adora.
Her teacher looks concerned. "Adora's in the nurse's office, remember? You'll get to see her once we get back inside."
“But she was just here!” Catra insists.
Not that it makes a difference. She's ushered inside with all the other kids, where they have sit in the hallway outside of their classroom for safety. Adora, somehow, is already there. She's in the same shirt as earlier.
"Check it out," Adora says, shaking a little red treasure box. When she opens it, her two front teeth are revealed.
"Gross," Catra says, but she's smiling. "I saw you on the playground today."
"But I was in the nurse's office."
And that's what everyone keeps saying. But Catra wasn't making it up. She knows Adora was there, she saw her, she felt her. And Adora doesn't know how to lie, Catra's pretty sure.
Later, Catra overhears the words trauma and PTSD, the same way she hears that the tornado destroyed most of the playground, including the big slide. Catra's not entirely sure what it all means.
But Catra is sure of thing: if Adora didn’t show up at the playground when she did, she could have still been in the slide when the tornado hit.
Adora, 5 years old
Life blurs around her, Adora learns at a young age. Sometimes she's in one place, sometimes she's in another, feeling really sick right before it happens. And it makes her hungry, she's often feeling hungry. Her older sister Mara (half-sister, her mother corrects, but it makes no difference to Adora) has told her it's not just another place, it's another time. But Adora has a hard time understanding yesterday from tomorrow, let alone keeping track of the days of the week. Mara has promised it gets easier as she gets older, and Adora hopes she's right.
What Adora does know is that she's not allowed to tell anyone about her secret super power, as Mara calls it. Not until after high school, which is easy for Mara to say, who at fifteen is almost there. Mara makes Adora promise her this, so she does. Even though sometimes Mara says strange things, like "Don't freak out if you meet your future self," and "Make sure to get Catra away from the playground when the sky gets really dark."
So Adora pays close attention to the sky at recess every day, pays attention to any older blonde girl walking her direction, just in case.
And one day, she sort of skips recess, not that she means to, but she’s in some lady’s house. Adora knows the rules—if she's in a stranger's house, she needs to get out of there. If she's in a public place, she needs to find other kids her age. But this lady knows her name. She makes her the best macaroni and cheese in her life. She says her name is Catra and her baby's name is Mara. Later, Adora recognizes this as a dream.
And on another day, Adora's getting sleepy, but she's supposed to get ready for her bath. Except she's no longer in her house, she's on the playground, and so are the other kids her age. It's recess, and the sky is getting dark, really dark. Something about the air feels wrong. She remembers what Mara said, but she can't see Catra anywhere. As she heads towards Catra's favorite slide, she sees Catra get out of it. So she starts yelling. Catra listens. Adora's not really sure what she's supposed to do, so she takes Catra towards where the teachers are. And then she's back at home and her bathwater is cold.
Her mother sighs, insists on Adora learning how to control this, before drawing her another warm bath.
But Adora can't control it, and she wishes her mother could understand this.
Catra, 8 years old
It’s snowing by the bus stop after school. It’s the first snowfall of winter, and Catra is underdressed. Her mother never checks Catra’s outfits, never bothers to tell Catra about the weather. Adora, however, is wearing a stupidly big poofy red jacket, a scarf, and a beanie. Her face is as red as the jacket.
“I hope the bus gets here soon,” Adora says. “It’s cold.”
“It’s not cold, you’re a baby,” Catra says, but she’s shivering.
“Come on, Catra,” Adora says. “I have an extra jacket you can borrow. My mom won’t mind.”
But mine will, Catra thinks but keeps to herself. “I don’t wanna go to your house,” Catra says.
“Fine,” Adora says, “but you’re taking my hat otherwise I’m ditching you.”
“You would never!” She laughs at the staticky way Adora’s hair clings to the beanie as she takes it off. “No!” Catra says. “You’re going to give me lice again!”
“I never gave you lice!” Adora protests. “That was Kyle!”
“Was not!” Catra says, shrieking as Adora puts the beanie on her, covering her eyes. “Adora!” When Catra raises the beanie up, adjusting it to an appropriate place so she can actually see, she’s startled to find that Adora isn’t next to her. “Adora?” she asks.
There aren’t that many other kids waiting for the bus. Adora joked about ditching her, but Catra knew it was just that, a joke. Adora wouldn’t just leave her. Right?
“Adora!” she calls. The bus has just come into view. Catra looks around, one more time. If she misses her bus, she’ll get into trouble, but she wants Adora to make it home safely too. “Adora!” she calls again. The snow is starting to fall harder. She starts to panic. The beanie was only covering her eyes for two seconds, three tops. There’s no way Adora could have gotten far, Catra’s always been the faster runner.
The bus pulls up, and the other kids all get on. Adora is still nowhere to be found.
But Catra has to get on the bus. She cries the whole way. It doesn’t make sense. Where could Adora have gone?
She exits the bus at Adora's stop, the driver too used to the two of them leaving the bus together to ask any questions. She runs to Adora's house, knocks on the door frantically.
It’s not Adora or her mother who opens the door, but her older sister, Mara.
"Hi, Catra. What brings you here?"
“I lost Adora at the bus stop,” Catra says, crying.
Mara frowns at her. “Adora is in her room. She isn't lost.”
“Oh,” Catra says. The idea that Adora was already home seemed impossible. “Can I see her?”
Mara raises an eyebrow but she smiles. “No, she’s doing her homework, as you should be.”
“But it’s Friday,” Catra protests.
Mara glances behind her. Catra tries to peak too, but there isn’t much room. “Adora can’t come out right now,” she says, sounding as disappointed as Catra feels. “But I have good news for you, I accidentally bought an extra jacket, but it's too small for me. How about you give it a good home?”
Catra doesn’t want the jacket, she wants to see Adora. She shivers. Okay, maybe she does want the jacket.
“Fine,” Catra says, taking it, hoping her mother won't notice. “But can you tell Adora to call me later?”
“I’ll tell her. Get home safe, Catra.”
She runs home, hoping she doesn't miss Adora's phone call. Thankfully her mom doesn’t ask her about her new jacket, she just chides her for getting home late.
*
“Sorry, Catra,” Adora says on the phone that night. “My mom came to get me, said I had to do errands with her, so I had to go.”
“Oh,” Catra says. She doesn’t remember seeing her mom’s car anywhere. Or any cars, for that matter. Only the buses.
“Sorry I didn’t have time to say bye. Did the hat help keep you warm?”
“Yeah, it kept me warm,” Catra answers, tugging on the hat with her free hand. She's kept it on all night. A reminder.
Adora, 8 years old
One minute she’s waiting at the bus stop with Catra, snuggled up in her favorite jacket, and then the next thing she knows, she's feeling sick. She puts her beanie on Catra's head, and then pulls it over her eyes so she can't see. If she's lucky, no one else at the bus stop will notice.
And then it's sunny and far too hot for her jacket. Adora doesn't recognize where she is. It's a different city than she's used to. That's one of the hardest things that comes with her super power, she gets disoriented easily, both time and place become disjointed.
"Adora?"
And Adora exhales, whips her head around. If someone knows her, that's usually a good sign. If that someone is her older sister, that's an even better sign.
"Mara?" Adora spots her and feels a little shocked. This is the oldest she's ever seen Mara, and she has a tattoo. A tattoo! It's the coolest thing Adora's ever seen.
"Hey guys, can you give me a minute? I didn't know my sister was going to be visiting." There are several people Mara's age, all with tattoos and fun colored hair.
"Why is she wearing a jacket?”
“It’s uh, kid stuff. Don’t worry. Give me a sec, okay? My mom's probably around and I don't think you want to meet her yet."
Mara moves Adora further away so they have some privacy away from her friends. They’re near a city bus stop.
“This isn’t the Fright Zone,” she says.
“No, and it’s not winter, either,” Mara says, smiling.
“It was cold in my time,” Adora says, peeling the jacket off. But she holds on to tightly, in case she needs it when she goes back. She glances at Mara again. "Are you in college?"
Mara laughs. “I just graduated, but I live in Bright Moon now."
"Wow," Adora says. Mara always talked about going to school there. "That is so cool. Does Mom know about the tattoos?"
"Trust me, she's not a fan. But that's okay."
"I wish I could stay here with you. And that Catra could come too."
Mara smiles at her. "I know, but you have to live your life Adora. The future will get there. You'll see." Mara gestures to a diner on the corner. "Want a milkshake?"
"Can I have two?"
*
When Adora gets home, really gets home, Mara tells her Catra stopped by.
“I know it’s late, but I told you you’d call her. She was crying because she thought you disappeared.”
Adora feels guilty, she hates the thought of leaving Catra behind. “Thanks. We were at the bus stop when I felt it happening. I put my beanie over her eyes so she wouldn’t see.”
“That was smart thinking.”
Adora nods. “Do we have any leftovers in the fridge? I missed dinner.”
“We have tons because you missed dinner.”
“Har-har.”
Adora calls Catra's home phone while Mara reheats some food for her. She can't wait till high school's over so she can tell Catra the truth.
Catra, 12 years old
Catra loves soccer. More importantly, she loves that she and Adora are a team. As forwards, they work together, passing along the ball if the other has an opening. And yeah, there's the friendly competition element, they see who can score the most goals. But sometimes it’s hard for Catra to keep track, because she and Adora will hug each other after every goal, no matter who scored. That feels more important.
But Catra is sitting on the bench with her laced up her cleats, and Adora isn’t anywhere to be found.
“Hey, we’ve still got this,” Lonnie, their goalie, says.
“Adora promised me we’d win this,” Catra says.
“We can win it without her, and rub it in her face later,” Lonnie insists.
Catra supposes they have no choice, but it makes no sense. Sure, Adora’s missed practice here and there, or has shown up late or left early, but she has never once missed an entire game.
“Whatever,” Catra says. Soccer is both something she loves and something she's good at. She doesn't need Adora to win, she can score just fine on her own. But she wants Adora to be here, is the thing.
So she gets on the field. She plays her heart out. Their team wins, and it wasn't even close. Coach says something about how this will be good for their high school careers even though that's a few years away. But the victory… it doesn’t feel the same without Adora. It shouldn't like this, Catra knows.
Adora, 12 years old
Adora is warped into a crowded apartment, filled with ocean themed things.
“Uh,” an older girl with dark blue hair says. “Does that usually happen?”
“What—” someone else says.
“Adora?” someone else asks.
Adora can’t tell if they’re talking to her or—oh. Adora meets her own gray-blue eyes. Mara had prepared her long ago for this, but she's never met another version of herself yet. To her knowledge, anyway.
“Hi,” Older Adora says.
“Hi,” she says back, feeling shy and a little sick. She's not the only one.
“I think I might pass out,” an older guy says.
Older Adora comes to her rescue. “You guys mind going to the beach and getting Sea Hawk some fresh air? Glimmer and Bow can fill you in out there.”
“Excuse me?” the girl with blue hair asks, sounding offended.
“Are you sure you don’t want us to stay?” a girl with pink hair asks.
“I’ve got this, okay? I’ve got this."
The four other people walk out of the apartment bewildered, and Adora is just realizing she’s missing their soccer game. She has her shinguards on but her cleats must have been left behind in her time.
“Can you send me back?” Adora asks.
Older Adora only now seems to take in her soccer jersey. She sadly shakes her head. “You know we don’t have any control over that.”
"Yeah but it still sucks." Adora sighs, and sits on the couch. “Do you live here?”
“Here?” Older Adora snorts. “Nah. This is a beach trip with our friends. We’re renting this place for the weekend.”
“So these are our friends?” Adora asks. “But they didn't know about our super power?”
“You mean our mutation?” Older Adora asks.
Adora frowns at that. She's never heard it called that before, but the way Older Adora says it, gives it weight.
Older Adora continues, "Glimmer and Bow already know. You'll meet them in the college. Sea Hawk and Mermista didn't know until... right now, apparently. They'll be okay with it, though. Sea Hawk will always try to bribe you to get answers out of bets or lottery numbers, but he means well.”
“What kind of a name is Sea Hawk?”
“Trust me, you will never figure that one out. His story changes every time he tells it. It drives Mermista crazy.”
“She’s pretty,” Adora says. Both of them flush a little.
“She is,” Older Adora says. “You’re about, twelve now right? The last game of the season?”
“Yeah,” Adora says. “I’ve missed practice every now and then, but never a whole game before.”
Older Adora looks sad. Her phone rings. It’s not a song Adora recognizes, she supposes it’s one that hasn’t been released in her time yet. “Can you excuse me for a minute?”
Adora nods, taking her future self in. She's not as all as thought she'd be, but she still has a jocky look. She likes that.
“Hi, I wasn’t expecting to hear from you,” Older Adora says into the phone, smiling. Then she winces. Whoever she’s talking to sounds angry. “Catra, I promise I wasn’t—it’s not like that!” But Catra, Older Catra, Adora realizes, hangs up the phone.
Older Adora sighs and sits down on the couch next to her.
“What are you and Catra fighting about?” Adora asks. Part of her is relieved to hear that she and Catra are still friends in college—not that she never wants to not be Catra’s friend. But the other part of her is worried—Catra doesn’t always understand where Adora “disappears to” but they’ve never gotten in a fight before. But that could be something that changes as they get older.
Adora can’t tell what the look on Older Adora’s face means. “It’s…complicated. We had a bit of a misunderstanding, and I still haven’t been able to clear things up.”
“About what?” Adora asks.
“Sometimes our mutation causes problems. Puts us in weird positions, especially as we get older. And if someone doesn’t know about it, certain things just don’t make sense.”
“Have you still not told her?” Adora asks. “I thought Mara said it was safe to tell people once we were done with school? How come your other friends know but Catra doesn't?”
“Trust me, after we graduate, Catra does not want to hear it. But she’ll listen eventually.”
Adora considers this.
“Things will work out,” Older Adora says. “I promise.”
Adora’s stomach growls, and older Adora laughs. “Want me to whip you up some food? I made sure to pack extra macaroni and cheese.”
“I don’t want to get sick during the game.”
Older Adora gives Catra a sad look. And oh, Adora had wanted to make it back in time to finish it.
*
Adora is back on the soccer field. It’s dusk, and Catra is long gone. So is any trace that their team was here in the first place. Adora can't even tell who won.
Sry I had 2 leave earlier, she sends via an instant message on the family computer once she’s home. did we win?
Catra replies with why do u always ditch me?
I don’t mean to I love playing soccer w/ you
wutever, Catra replies, followed with a link to a personality quiz.
Catra, 16 years old
"You have to come down from there eventually!” Adora calls up to her.
“No I don’t!” Catra calls back, from their school’s roof.
It’s very off-limits. It’s also very difficult to climb, not that it’s ever stopped her or Adora before.
“Come on, Catra, Coach is going to kill me if I'm late to practice again.”
“Sounds like you're problem, not mine,” Cara says.
"Catra!"
"Go to practice or don't! I'm staying here either way."
“Fine! Have it your way!” It's quiet, for a moment. And then Catra can hear Adora quietly cursing to herself. She smiles. Adora's always been slightly more cautious with her climbing. But she makes it to the roof, and sits right next to her. "This is only because if you’re skipping, I don’t want to go to practice without you.”
"Whatever you say, Adora."
“What’s really going on?”
Catra sighs. It’s not an easy thing to put into words, everything she feels, everything she's uncertain of. “Do you think we’ll ever get out of here?” Catra asks.
“Of course we will. We graduate in less than two years, we’ll be done with high school then.”
“No, I mean, get out of the Fright Zone in general.”
“Oh,” Adora says, surprised. “I didn’t know you wanted to leave.”
“I don’t mean leave the city for good,” Catra says. “Or maybe I do, I'd be open to it some day. But I’ve never even left the state.” Not even on a school field trip, or a soccer competition. They've always been in-state. But Catra has eyes on colleges out of state, if she still can't get out of here by then.
“You will one day,” Adora says, somewhat sadly. “We both will.”
“Where do you want to go?”
“Doesn’t matter to me,” Adora says. “As long as we’re together.”
“Well, obviously. But we’re going to have to agree on some place.”
“We’ve got time.” Adora makes that sad face she’s been making more often lately. Catra’s not been sure why.
“Are you okay?” Catra asks.
Adora smiles at her. “Yeah, I’m fine. I guess… I guess I just don’t mind being here a bit longer.”
“Weirdo.” Catra gently pushes her shoulder. “We can skip practice all together if you want to stay here on the roof right now.”
Adora exhales.
“It’s not like it’s the first practice you’ve missed,” she teases.
Something shifts in Adora’s face.
“Where do you go, when you skip? Do you have other friends I don’t know about?”
“Are you kidding? Definitely not.”
“So what is it?”
“I just… I just can't stay in one place very long. I get... restless, I guess.”
Catra doesn't fully by it, but she's distracted by how close they are. If either of them leaned forward...
"But I like being here with you. I love being on the roof tomorrow."
"Yeah?" Catra asks.
"Yeah," Adora answers.
So Catra takes a chance. She kisses Adora. She kisses her back. There's still something Adora isn't telling her, Catra can tell, but she'll enjoy this moment for as long as it lasts.
They miss all of practice, and they climb down carefully as it's darker out.
"Hey, Catra?" Adora asks, once both their feet are firmly on the ground.
"Yeah?"
"Promise me you won't go on the roof tomorrow."
"Okay weirdo I promise."
Adora kisses her before they get in Catra's car. And when Catra drops her off, they kiss again.
It rains the next morning but clears up in the afternoon. For some reason, Kyle tries climbing the roof during lunch. He slips and breaks his leg.
Adora, 16 years old
Two days after Kyle slips off the roof, Mara dies, and Adora is more lost than ever.
Mara had gone back to the wrong place in time, gotten hurt, and bled out in their present, right before her twenty-sixth birthday. The cops want to treat it as murder, but Adora knows it wasn’t, it was an accident. Even their mother, who knows about their mutation, insists there was foul play involved. Why else would Mara appear before them bleeding out of thin air?
And it was never a super power, Adora knows now. She remembers the way her future self worded it, a mutation. Adora's not a hero, she's just a girl with a mutation who gets stuck in time. It cost Mara her life, Adora wonders if it will cost her own.
And it's impossible, explaining anything to Catra. Adora had promised Mara she'd wait, and she'll keep that promise. So when Catra comes to console her, Adora can only cry instead, curling up on Catra's lap. And Catra lets her.
Sometimes the best Adora can choke out is, "It's not fair," and the best response Catra can manage is, "I know."
They haven't even talked about their kiss yet, let alone what it meant. But Adora's grateful for Catra's being here. It's the only time she feels grounded. She doesn't know where she'd be without her.
And now, Adora has an excuse for missing classes, for missing soccer practice, but she wasn't want to use it. Doesn't mean she gets to attend either. But the time travel becomes more sporadic, and Adora attributes that to her emotional state.
*
She's at a soccer field, watching a younger version of Catra take the lead. There's no younger version of herself to be seen. It's the game she missed four years ago, she realizes with a pang, watching as Catra scores.
*
She's at an apartment she doesn't recognize, filled with sparkly purple decorations, an over crowded bookshelf, and arrows. Arrows? Adora doesn't want to take her chances intruding on someone who knows how to use a bow and arrow in this day and age. She tries to find her way out, but bumps into a girl with purple hair in the process. "Adora?" the girl asks, and she looks familiar, but Adora can't quite place it, and she starts crying.
"Hey," the girl says. "It's okay. Do you know who I am?" Adora shakes her head. "I'm Glimmer, your best friend in the future."
She was at the beach house, Adora remembers now.
"I know you don't know me," Glimmer says carefully. "Not yet, anyway. But you're safe here, okay? You can stay as long as you like. I can order us some pizza, if you want."
Adora hugs her, not knowing how to express her thanks. Glimmer hugs her back.
A little later, after the crying has ceased, Glimmer introduces her to Bow. And it's comforting, seeing that there are people she hasn't met in her time yet who love her.
*
The first time Adora sees Mara after her death, she’s frozen. It’s Mara, it’s really Mara, or rather, a Mara who was alive a year or two ago, as far as Adora can tell. It's still Mara, Adora knows this, but it's different.
“Hi!” Mara says once she sees her. They're at a park, one with a ton of flowers in bloom. The rosy aroma is nauseating, or maybe that's because Adora doesn't know how to process this. Adora wants nothing more than to just greet her and hug her and pretend everything is fine but it's not. It will never be fine. Adora's never seen a dead person alive in the past before.
Mara walks towards Adora excitedly, and then her excitement fades as she’s looking at the expression on her face. “Has it happened already? You’re what, seventeen?”
“Sixteen,” Adora clarifies, wincing as Mara realizes she was less time than she thought. “You know?”
“Do I know? About dying? I do, Adora, and it’s okay.”
“It’s okay? How can you say that! You’re so—you’re so young!”
Mara offers her a small smile. “I’ve known for a long time. I’ve had time to understand it, to accept it.”
"But you never told me," Adora says, and she starts crying.
"I'm sorry Adora, I thought it'd be kinder to protect you."
“But what about Serenia? The two of you have been together—”
“I told them we wouldn’t have much time. They asked if I was sick. I said no, but that I just knew. And when I traversed in front of them one day, it all came out.”
"I never got to say goodbye.”
Mara hugs her. “You can say goodbye now, or you can wait. This won’t be the last time you see me.”
“It won’t?”
“I can give you the dates, if you’d like. Or not, if you want them to be a surprise. But we’re time travelers, Adora. Death isn’t linear for us or the people we care about, if that makes you feel any better.”
It does and it doesn’t, in some ways. She still doesn’t understand how Mara can be so calm. “I miss you.”
“I know.”
*
Adora spends what feels like most of her junior year missing it.
One minute she’s in English class, listening to Catra read lines from Romeo and Juliet out loud—and she’s good, really good. There’s something about the rasp in her voice, the way she commands attention from the whole classroom just by speaking. And it's nice, getting lost in the monologue Catra reads.
And then she feels sick. Not wanting to traverse in the middle of class, she hurriedly excuses herself to the hallway, turning a corner and then lands in her house and freaking out their mom who must still be getting used to all of this. Her mom doesn't look happy to see her, but she recognizes her, at least. She says she needs to take a pill and a nap and leaves Adora to play with a younger Mara. Said Mara is fascinated by her baby sister who hasn't been born yet being her older sister. They play for hours. Adora doesn’t want to leave.
When Adora returns to her present, the toys in the living room are all gone and the house is too quiet as her mother self medicates. She calls Catra who talks to her until she falls asleep.
She dreams of something that feels like a memory, an older version of Catra holding a baby named Mara. Or maybe in some ways, it's a wish.
*
Eventually, the time travel ceases. Eventually, she and Catra are girlfriends. The dream sticks with her. She hopes its real.
Catra, 18 years old
Adora isn’t good at holding on to her phone. Catra has known this for years. Ever since they first got cellphones, Adora’s been prone to misplacing it, to replying late. And for years, Catra’s been dealing with this, but it’s made dating Adora hard. They graduate in two weeks, and allegedly, Adora will explain why she leaves spontaneously.
But right now it’s prom night. Catra bought a suit that matched Adora’s red dress, and a matching corsage too. Catra would have been willing to skip prom altogether, but she’d known Adora had been looking forward to it. So it makes no sense for Adora to have left the venue without her.
Adora’s supposed to be getting food for them right now, their school got a whole stupid chocolate fountain and everything.
And Catra’s tired of waiting. Sometimes it feels like she’s spent her whole life waiting for Adora. It can’t continue like this, she’s decided. Prom or not. Girlfriends or not.
Catra marches on towards where the food is. The chocolate fountain is flowing, but Adora isn’t next to it. Catra checks the bathrooms, and there are girls reapplying their makeup, and one who’s crying, but none are Adora.
She checks the dance floor next, even though she’s pretty sure Adora wouldn’t be dancing without her. She does the same loop three more times. She calls Adora, but it goes straight to voicemail, and her texts aren’t going through.
She even bumps into Lonnie at some point, asks her if she's seen Adora. "You lost your date?" Lonnie asks, with a half laugh, and a smile that fades after taking in Catra's glare. "No, I haven't seen her."
"I thought I saw her by the fountain," Kyle chimes in, as if she was talking to him in the first place. "But then she glowed and disappeared."
"Are you high?"
"Well, maybe, but that's what happened, I swear!"
Catra groans and walks away. "I hope you find her!" Lonnie calls after her, but Catra doesn't respond.
After another twenty minutes, Catra drives home, trying not to cry. She didn’t even care about prom in general, but she does care about Adora ditching her, about leaving without saying goodbye. And Catra can't even understand how Adora could get anywhere. She doesn't drive, and her mom doesn't like her using a rideshare app, and it's not like the city's public transit would get her very close to home. So where did she go? There's no use calling Adora's mother, if she's not self medicating, she'd come up with some other lousy excuse for Adora, Catra's had enough experience to know.
As soon as she parks in the driveway, she calls Adora again. Still no answer. Catra doesn't know why she bothers.
And at home, in her room, of all places, is Adora, wearing an old baggy shirt that covers half her thighs. Wearing nothing but an old baggy shirt, it appears. She looks a little flushed.
“What. The. Fuck. Adora.”
Adora sizes Catra, looking surprised to see her, as if she hadn’t just seen her hours ago. As if she wasn't in her room in the first place.
“Uh, hi,” Adora says.
Catra squints. There's something on Adora's neck. A mark. One that Catra knows she didn't leave. “Who were you with?”
“What?"
"The hickey on your neck. Who were you with?"
"What? No, Catra it’s not like that all.”
And maybe the answer was that simple this whole time. There was someone else that Adora was ditching Catra for. It was never about Mara, or feeling restless, or losing track of time, and every other excuse Catra has heard for years. Adora had lied. And she's still lying.
“You really ditched me at prom to sleep with someone else? Just to show up at my house?”
“That’s not what happened, I promise.” And the strange thing is, Adora does sound hurt, like she’s on the brink of tears, like she’s not the one who single handedly ruined their relationship.
The word stuns Catra. She had thought it meant something once. “You promise?” Catra shakes her head, feeling like her whole body is shaking. Like she's going to be sick. “Get out.”
“Catra, please just let me explain. We haven’t graduated yet, right? But I’ll tell you—”
“I don’t care. I don’t want to see you right now.”
“But Catra—”
“Get out.”
Surprisingly, Adora leaves, barefoot and half dressed. Where she'll go, Catra doesn't care. But she cries herself to sleep.
The next day, Adora won’t stop calling her. Catra doesn’t pick up. She's tired of waiting for Adora, she's tired of being lied to. She's done. It's over. None of this feels right, for all of Adora's faults, cheating wasn't something she had ever expected. It seems... wrong. But Catra had searched everywhere for her at the venue, and she saw the mark on Adora's neck. It was unmistakable. She's left them long enough to recognize them.
What Catra struggles with the most isn't just the betrayal, it's the fact she's known Adora all her life. She's always been good, not good with keeping schedules or showing up on time, maybe, but she's never been cruel like this. And what was she doing showing up at her house wearing half-nothing anyway? She can't make sense of it. She loves—was in love with—her oldest friend. The best friend she's ever had. Now she'll get to know what it's like without her.
*
Catra blocks Adora's number, avoids her during the last week of school. After grabbing her diploma on stage, Catra leaves graduation early, drives home, and start's packing. She's never been out of the Fright Zone before, and her school—the same school Adora is supposed to go to—is out of state. Catra travels that summer and transfers schools. And maybe Adora is still on her mind too much, and guilt, too, even though she doesn't know why she feels guilty, it's not like she was the one who was cheating. Because as Catra is drives to her next destination, she swears she passes Mara sitting on a bus stop.
Adora, 18 years old
Prom night began beautifully. She and Catra haven't kept their relationship a secret since it began. And maybe they got some looks, but enough people have known about her and Catra to make it almost a nonissue. Adora knows Catra didn't care about going one way or the other, so Adora's just grateful Catra agreed to go with her at all. Adora even gets Catra to agree to take the stupid pictures with her.
It’s a little later in the evening, and Adora is hungry, and Catra too. They tried going to somewhere fancy for dinner before prom, but they were served very tiny portions. Thankfully, there’s plenty of food at prom, and a chocolate fountain at that. Adora generously piles dipped strawberries on plate, and then she can feel it, a tug, a hint of vertigo.
“Please not now,” Adora says. But it’s no use. She’s never had control over it.
She brings the plate with her. That’s new. Usually objects don't make it back with her. And did—did someone call her name? Things are funny as she traverses, but when a very underdressed Catra shows up—with short hair on her that looks insanely good—it shocks Adora so much she drops the plate. Strawberries and all. It's not her fault Catra looks that good in just a sports bra and boxers. "Catra?" she asks meekly.
"Adora? What are you doing?" Catra asks.
"Um," she manages. "I was at prom and now I'm here? What year are we?"
Catra gapes at her. "You were at prom? What year are we? What are you talking about?"
Adora's lost. This has to be the future—Catra's never had her hair cut this short as long as Adora's known her. "You... you don't know?"
"Obviously not." Catra sighs, but she's still giving her a weird look. "I'm going to get dressed, and then we'll talk?"
Adora nods.
When Catra comes back, she's wearing a tank top and real shorts, but she's still staring at Adora like she's from outer space. They sit at the kitchen table. "You really did just come from prom, didn't you?"
"I really have't haven’t told you about my mutation yet?”
Catra shakes her head.
Adora doesn't understand how that's possible. She was going to tell Catra as soon as they graduate high school. That's always been her plan. "I'm sorry. It... the mutation... I promised Mara I wouldn't tell you till after we graduated high school. Why didn't I?"
"You keep saying your 'mutation,'" Catra says instead of answering her question. "What exactly do you mean by that?"
"It's... it's similar to time travel. Only, I can't control it at will. I sort of... skip around time. Past and future, usually within my own lifetime, I'm not going back or forward by a hundred years or anything. And it's random. I can only tell when it's about to happen because I start to feel sick. But then it makes me really hungry anytime I land anywhere." She only realizes she's starving now, but will hold off till Catra hears everything she wants to know. "It's really annoying actually. And Mara—she had it too. She told me what to look out for, taught me how to defend myself if I land in a scary situation."
Catra stays quiet, so she continues. "That's how Mara died, actually. It wasn't foul play, at least, not in our time. I'm not sure what happened, I might never know. If she was in the middle of traffic, or a shooting spree—whatever it was she got wounded in a different time, and came back to us bleeding. And then she died." She stays quiet, for a moment. They both do. "Catra... why I haven't told you the truth yet?"
"Because," Catra begins, looking at Adora with understanding. "Right now... where... when... you're supposed to be. Prom night, or, right after, if your mutation is real... then right now the past version of me is breaking up with you."
Adora's heart stops. “You are? Because I left during prom?”
Catra rubs her temple. "That didn't help. I thought you ditched me. Again. And then, I had reason to believe you were cheating on me. So I broke up with you."
“But I didn’t—Catra I would never cheat.”
Catra looks at her sadly. “I never believed you until now. And I'm sorry for that.”
“But you called my name., didn't you?”
“What?”
“When I was in your living room, you called my name before you saw me. Why?”
Catra cracks a smile. “It’s always been a little complicated, between you and me. You just have to give me some time. But I’m sorry, it’s not going to be easy for you going back.”
“That’s okay. It never is. And I'm sorry, too, for not telling you sooner. For giving you a reason to think I'd ever hurt you like that.” Adora's stomach lurches, and Catra says something, but Adora can't quite make it out.
When Adora makes it back to her time, she's alone, downtown, and has to flag a cab down. It's expensive. On her way home, she checks her phone. Sees all of Catra's missed calls and texts. She tries to call back, even though it's late, but Catra won't pick up. And Adora knows future Catra just told her they broke up, but she hasn't experienced it herself yet, she has to try to salvage their relationship. She doesn't want Catra hurt all these years, before Adora finally can get to Catra in the future.
But Catra won't pick up, won't reply. And before Adora knows it, she's blocked.
Adora knows she can't change the past. She knows that. But it doesn't make it any easier, when she can go back and relive it.
Catra, 21 years old
There have been several times since graduating high school that she’s come across Adora. Unintentionally on her side, of course. Every time Adora sees her, she’s all smiles, says, “Hey, Catra,” as if nothing has happened between them. Catra’s refused to speak to her this whole time. Sometimes she would like answers, like why did her childhood best friend turned girlfriend end up turning into a cheater? For all of Adora’s flaws, that’s the one thing Catra hasn’t been able to figure out after all these years.
One time in the college dorms, Adora showed up in the hallway. She was walking in the opposite direction, but Catra would recognize that stupid blonde ponytail anywhere.
Once, when Catra was on a roller skate date with Scorpia, before they realized they’d be better off friends, Adora was there, alone, and looked hurt to see Catra with someone else. As if she had any right.
And then once, at a party, Catra swore she Mara, of all people. She had noticed someone staring at her. But that wasn’t possible, and Catra went home. She didn’t even drink that much, but clearly something was wrong if she was hallucinating her ex girlfriend’s dead sister.
When she got her hair cut, she swore she saw both Mara and Adora walking down the street, but she blamed it on the mirror's reflections showing her what she maybe wanted to see. (Not that she would admit it.)
And then last time, the more recent time, Adora was in the building at the law firm Catra interns at. Adora offered Catra a small wave. So Catra stormed out of the building. Later that afternoon, she unblocked Adora’s phone number, and called her. Adora answered right away. “Quit stalking me, or I’ll issue a restraining order against you.” Adora tried to explain, but Catra hung up, and blocked her number again.
But now, Adora is back in her life.
Glimmer, Catra’s new roommate, is friends with her, apparently. When Catra sees Adora in her apartment, she nearly has a meltdown.
“I uh, I can get going,” Adora says. Bow, who Catra can’t figure out what the deal is between him and Glimmer, leaves with her, looking just as confused as Catra.
“Good riddance,” Catra says. "Why are you hanging out with my ex high school girlfriend?"
“Wait,” Glimmer says. “Adora is your ex? The one who cheated at you on prom?”
“Yep.” Catra crosses her arms. “But I’d rather not get into that again.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense. Adora wouldn’t—that’s not who she is.”
“I don’t know how to tell you, Sparkles, but that’s what happened. I was there.” Glimmer’s frowning, and Catra sighs. “Great. You don’t believe me. Fine. I know it’s not easy finding out your best friend is a complete asshole, but—”
“I think you should talk to her.”
“Are you kidding me? Aren’t you the one who told me that anyone who cheats is complete scum?” When Catra had first told Glimmer what happened, she was furious on her behalf.
“Yes, and I stand by that. But Adora… I think you need to let her explain. You never spoke to her again, right?”
“She's crossed my path every now and then but we've never had an actual discussion since then, no. But it doesn't matter. Are you just defending her because she's your friend and fooled you too?”
“Of course not. You’re my friend too, Catra. And I would never excuse that sort of behavior. I just… I just have a feeling whatever happened that night isn’t what it seemed.”
“I don’t see how that’s possible. I saw the marks on her neck.”
“Just, do me a favor and talk to her. And if I’m wrong, I’ll promise I’ll never invite her into the apartment again.”
“Fine. But I’m only doing this because I want closure.”
“Whatever you say.”
*
So Catra invites Adora back into the apartment, wanting an explanation. And that was a mistake, she should have met Adora in public for coffee or something.
Because one thing leads to another.
And she can’t help it. She’s always loved being on top of Adora, leaving marks on her neck. And if her sighs are any indicator, Adora loves it too.
And then suddenly, Adora starts to glow. A literal, blue glow. Catra stops what she’s doing, and Adora starts to panic. She reaches for one of Catra’s shirts from the laundry pile she hasn’t put away. But she doesn’t run, like she’s done before. She sits on the bed, winces as if she's in pain.
"Adora? Are you okay?"
“I’ll be okay, you'll see. I'll be back soon.” And then she disappears completely. As if she was erased from the world.
Catra blinks, and Adora is still gone. Catra wonders if she passed out. If she’s dreaming, right now.
But she hears a loud thud in the other room.
“Adora?” Catra asks, making her way to the living room.
When she opens the door from her bedroom to her living room, she can’t help it. She shrieks.
Adora is in the living room. Only, it’s Adora dressed in her prom dress and holding on to a plate with a large helping of chocolate covered strawberries.
At first, she’s pissed, thinking it’s some sort of sick joke Adora’s trying to pull, but Adora also shrieks, dropping the plate, making a mess.
“Catra?” Adora asks, as if she wasn’t just having sex with Catra a few minutes ago. She averts her eyes.
"Adora? What are you doing?"
"Um. I was at prom and now I'm here? What year are we?"
Adora was never one for practical jokes, and this doesn't feel like a joke. Even if it was some sort of elaborate prank and Adora changed into her prom dress, it doesn't explain how she vanished before her eyes after literally glowing. "You were at prom? What year are we? What are you talking about?" There is another explanation, but Catra can't wrap her head around it.
"You... you don't know?" Adora looks at Catra questioningly, as if somehow she’s the one with the answers.
"Obviously not." As levelly as can, she says, "I'm going to get dressed, and then we'll talk?"
In her room, scrummaging through her laundry, she's internally freaking out. She calls Glimmer's phone, but it's Bow who answers. "So how is the rekindling going?"
"Why the fuck is Adora wearing her prom dress?"
"What?"
"She disappeared in front of me, and came back wearing her prom dress."
"Probably because she just came from that time?"
"Can you please just put Sparkles on."
"Um, she's a little busy."
"What could she possibly be doing right now that's so important?"
"If I told you that an even younger version of Adora is at my place right now, would you believe me?"
Catra does and she doesn't. She hangs up the phone, goes back to the living room, and then heads over to the kitchen table. Adora follows her. Peering at Adora now, Catra can just… tell. It was only three years ago, but she does look younger, and it shouldn’t be possible. "You really did just come from prom, didn't you?"
Trying to process how on earth it’s possible that the Adora sitting across from her on the table is not the same one she was just with ten minutes ago, Catra listens to her intently. And when it hits her, that Adora, her Adora, is getting lashed out by a younger version of herself right now, that it wasn't warranted. Adora had never cheated on her at all. There were marks on her neck because Catra had left them there, from this very night. She apologizes to the Adora sitting before her, realizing she will have to apologize again when her Adora comes back. And that's a concept she has to grasp too, her Adora. Aren't they all the same person?
But this younger Adora leaves (and don’t they all leave?) with a glow. "Good luck," Catra says.
In the middle of the night, her Adora comes back. Not that Catra could go to sleep after everything that's transpired.
“Hey.”
“Hey, Adora. Took you long enough to show up.” She pauses, trying to figure out how to talk to the Adora before her now, not the Adora who broke her heart three years ago. Who truly, really, never meant to. “A time travel mutation, really? This whole time.”
“This whole time.”
“And Mara was like you too?”
“Mara is… was… like me. Yes."
“Why did you use the present just now?”
“Because we’re time travelers,” Adora says with a sad smile. “I still see her, from time to time. Either I’m back in the past when she’s still alive, or she comes to visit me. It’s hard to say she’s gone, when she’s not. Not entirely.”
Catra takes her hands. “I’m sorry I thought you had cheated on me back then.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what was wrong with me sooner. Mara had said… she had said it was better to wait till I was older. But I wanted to tell you sooner. I was kind of amazed I had never disappeared right in front of you till today.”
Catra bites her lip. “So where does that leave us?”
“I’ve always… I’ve always wanted you, Catra. But I don’t… I can’t expect you to stay with me. With how much I come and go, I can never stay in one time. No matter how badly I want to. I can’t control it. I know it’s never been easy being my friend because of it, let alone being my girlfriend.”
“I might… I might need some time to think it over,” Catra admits.
“I can get going.”
“Hey, not so fast. I’d like for you to stay, tonight, if you want.”
Adora kisses her and Catra kisses her back just as fiercely.
As Adora snores next to her, Catra considers it. And it doesn’t matter, Adora’s mutation. It sucks, and it’s ruined their relationship in the past, but Catra understands now. She’s already spent most of her life waiting for Adora, and if given the chance, she’ll keep waiting for as long as it takes for Adora to come back. If it means that she'll come back.
Adora, 21 years old
The years go by bitterly, after losing her relationship with Catra. And Adora knows, she understands why Catra had to create that distance, and she knows that sometime in the future, Catra will give her a chance, but she doesn’t know exactly when.
But that just causes more problems in the mean time. She’s always been drawn to Catra, literally. She can't help it. Adora finds herself in the past or a future a few months out, somewhere away from the Fright Zone, where Catra is.
Catra on a date with some other girl. Catra at work. Catra on the street, where Adora tries to hide, not wanting Catra to think she’s stalking her. It doesn’t always work.
It helps when she meets Glimmer and Bow, properly, in the present. Adora had been nervous that she would somehow screw things up and ruin the chance of them being friends with her, but they welcome her into their world. And when she traverses before their eyes only two months into their friendship, they accept her when she comes back. And it's so easy. It's a bittersweet feeling, knowing that Catra would have been as accepting if Adora had only told her sooner. Adora has to remind herself that Catra will accept her, it just hasn't happened yet, but it doesn't feel real.
On a spontaneous beach vacation with Glimmer, Bow, and the rest of their friends, her younger self shows up. And shit, she knew it’d happen at some point didn't think it'd be right now. She supposes it's fine, the other week she had stumbled across a Sea Hawk in the future who was trying to get her to tell him the lottery tickets for that evening, and she had to spend a good twenty minutes explaining to him that she had just come from the past, not the future, but she'll try to keep that date in mind moving forward. It's reassuring, learning that the people she surrounds herself with now understand her mutation, and that she can live a relatively normal life.
And then the phone rings. It’s Catra, she had forgotten. Adora has to excuse herself to her younger self. All these years, and now she’ll finally know what Catra unblocked her to say on the phone. “Quit stalking me, or I’ll issue a restraining order against you.”
And it hurts, that Catra thinks that’s what this is. That it’s been three years and Catra still refuses to see her, that she thinks she cheated on her all this time. And she wouldn’t. She’d never. So why did Future Catra tell her that?
And then when she’s twenty-one and invited to talk to Catra, she really intends to talk to Catra about it first. She has a feeling Catra won’t believe her, not until she sees it, but she has to try. But something is between them, so they explore it.
And it’s when Catra’s biting into her neck she feels a tug. And she scrambles for the closest piece of clothing she can find—and she could run out of the room still, pretend to have ran out the apartment. But in a way, it works out, Adora realizes. Catra will see her traverse in real time.
And when Adora lands in the new time, she lands somewhere familiar. Somewhere she hasn’t seen in several years. Catra’s childhood bedroom. And shit. Adora’s flushed and—and she gets it, now. There's no time to leave before Catra shows up because Catra is opening the door to her room, dressed up in her tux for prom.
"What. The. Fuck. Adora.”
And she tries to explain, but she knows it doesn’t matter. She remembers how Catra kicked her out and ultimately blocked her. How no matter how hard Adora tried, they don’t have a real conversation about it for three years—her Catra is somewhere talking to her past self when they should be switched. It isn’t fair.
But it’s never been fair.
So Adora leaves. It takes hours for her to traverse back. She walks past her own childhood house, but she doesn't enter. Mara's long gone by now, and her mother, who she hasn't spoken to in years, has probably already popped her pills and gone to bed.
When Adora does return to time, she finds that Catra has been waiting for her, watching TV.
“Hey, Adora. Took you long enough to show up,” she says.
And Catra has no idea, really.
When Catra says she wants her to stay the night, she can’t refuse her. Or the next night, or the next.
“Are we really doing this?” Adora asks, after it's been a week of sleeping over. Glimmer's been teasing both of them about how now she has a second roommate.
Catra laughs. “Yeah, yeah we’re really doing this. But you gotta promise me something.”
“Yeah, of course. Anything.”
“You’ve gotta tell me the next winning lottery numbers.”
Adora laughs. She's been paying attention to them, when she can. "I will, but you can't tell Sea Hawk. He'll be pissed if he knows he's not the only one I'm helping out." She tells Catra the numbers. It's not the biggest lottery win after taxes, but they move into their own apartment in a few weeks.
Catra, 25 years old
Catra is getting ready for Glimmer’s birthday party even though all she wants is to be studying for the bar exam when Adora bursts in the front door of their apartment.
Melog, who they adopted as soon as they moved into their first place together, makes a chirping sound. If Melog has ever understood that one Adora is different from another, they’ve never let it show.
“What year?” Adora asks.
“Twenty-five,” Catra answers.
“Twenty-eight,” Adora replies.
Catra frowns. “I guess we’re missing Glimmer’s birthday.”
“What do you mean? We can still go.”
Catra scans her. Adora’s hair is slightly shorter. It looks good. And is that—is that a new tattoo poking out from under her sleeve? Catra’s curious. If it weren’t for that, Adora would be close enough in age to pass for present Adora.
“Are you sure about that?”
“It should mostly be people who know about me anyway, right? I don’t see the harm.” Adora shifts on her feet.
Catra suppresses a sigh. Adora knows better than to kiss her. Catra doesn’t like kissing Adora when it’s not technically her Adora in the moment. It’s one of the earliest boundaries Catra had set. Adora had agreed, but Catra can still see the disappointment, because Catra feels it too. She wants go greet Adora the way she always does, but it's different, even though it technically shouldn't be. Adora flops ungracefully onto the couch.
“It’s up to you.”
“Up to me?”
“Whether I go or not. My present self already missed it three years ago, if I miss it now it’s not a big deal. Glimmer will understand. She might be mad if you still decide not to go.”
Catra groans. Glimmer knows how to hold a grudge. “You’re right. Let me squeeze in another hour so I can study and then we can go.”
“Sounds good.”
“Can you tell me if I pass the bar the first time? Give me some sort of motivation for working my tail off here?"
Adora laughs. “You know I can’t do that.”
Catra considers this. Adora never likes talking about what’s happening if she comes from the future. “You’d be preserving my mental state," she tries
“Sorry,” Adora says. “No can do.”
Catra stares at her. It’s only then she sees the golden band on Adora’s ring finger.
“No way,” Catra says, sitting down next to her and grabbing Adora’s hand.
To Adora’s credit, she doesn’t flinch away from it. “Shit, sorry. I’m so used to it, I’ve only been moving forward lately, not backwards.”
Catra flushes. She always figured she and Adora would get married eventually, but that hasn’t been on her mind recently, not with all the studying.
“Can I get a closer look?” Catra asks.
Adora looks torn. “I don’t know if—”
“I’m not going to ask who proposes to who,” Catra says, even if it’s something she wants to know, and badly. “I just want to get a better look.”
Adora nods.
Catra freezes. “Wait, it’s me you’re married to, right?”
Adora laughs. “Of course it’s you.”
“I mean, obviously you wouldn’t marry anyone else.” Catra meets Adora's eyes. “Can I kiss you?”
“Even though I’m not from your time?”
Catra shrugs. “You’re still my wife.” It sounds better than she ever imagined to say out loud.
“Well technically, you’re not married yet.”
“But we will be.” Catra grins. “So if it’s okay with you, Mrs.—wait what did we decide on last names?” They’ve both always been sensitive towards them, considering both of their relationships with their families have always been strained.
Adora smirks at her. “You’ll find out one day.”
“Shut up.” So Adora kisses her.
And they end up a little late to Glimmer’s birthday, using Future Adora as an excuse.
Adora, 25 years old
“You look happy,” Mara tells her. Mara, who is twenty-five who will always remain twenty-five. It doesn’t feel right, being the same age, knowing next year she will be age that Mara will never get to see.
“I am. Things are good. I just wish you got to be a part of it.”
“Aren’t I a part of it now?” Mara asks with a smile.
"You know what I mean," Adora says.
Mara squeezes her hand. "I'm happy for you, really. And Serenia... are they... are they okay? In your time?"
Mara's never asked about Serenia before, and Adora can't blame her. It would be unfathomable, asking the fate of someone you love after you're no longer with them, when they're alive and you're not. "They're okay. They got married last year, actually. They invited me to the wedding, but I didn't have it in me to attend."
Mara laughs at that, and oh, how Adora missed her laugh. "I can understand that. I've seen them a few times in the future. They never told me they got married, but I don't blame them for that. But we can change the subject. Things with you and Catra are good now, right?"
"I'm going to ask her to marry me."
Mara beams at her. "That's wonderful, Adora. I'm so happy for you both. I knew always knew it would work out between the two of you."
Adora raises an eyebrow. "From your intuition or your time traveling?"
"A little of both."
*
And for all her time traveling, Adora is always in awe of any surprises that come her way.
The first being, Catra is the one who proposes to her, even though Adora has a ring in her pocket.
The second is, Mara manages to show up at their wedding. She can't stay for the whole celebration, but Adora is moved to see her, Catra too.
Catra, 28 years old
Adora's been gone for a week. It's not the first time she's been gone for this long, and Catra knows it won't be the last. Doesn't make it easy to deal with, in the mean time. And it's funny, in some ways. She has everything she's ever wanted. She works at one of the most presitigious law firms in the country. She lives in Bright Moon. She's married to Adora. She can keep herself busy with work when Adora's somewhere else in time. But she still misses her. Even if one of them was traveling there would be texts and phone calls. The silence makes Catra uneasy.
She invites Glimmer over.
"Adora's still out?" Glimmer asks, with a frown.
"Yep," Catra says. There's no guarantee that Adora will come back. She could get stuck in time. Or fatally injured, like Mara.
"Bow thought he saw her three days ago. Or at least, a younger version of her. But she ducked a corner before he could find out for sure."
"Sounds like Adora."
"Are you okay?"
"It's what I signed up for, isn't it?"
"It's more complicated than that."
"I know." Catra sighs. "I guess it's hard when there's no one to blame. It's not Adora's fault she has the mutation in the first place. But I miss her. And I worry."
Glimmer hugs her. "She'll come back."
"I hope so."
"She will."
"How do you know?"
"Because I've seen her, here and there. Looking older. More tattoos and stuff you know? She'll come back, Catra. But in the mean time, you and I could go on vacation."
"I have a job."
Glimmer laughs. "Your wife tells you the winning lottery tickets, you don't have to work!"
"Maybe not for money, but I still do it for me."
Glimmer sighs exasperatedly. "You're making good points, as usual."
"But I guess we can do dinner tonight, my treat."
*
And life goes on in the mean time. Scorpia and Perfuma have their baby shower. Sea Hawk mysteriously bets on the right horse and buys Mermista a new boat. Which he then somehow sets on fire.
Catra discovers she's on track to be partner in a few years, if she wants it. Which she does.
When Adora comes back it's not her Adora (which Catra knows isn't fair but she wants her wife back, goddamn it) but it's a Future Adora who seems tired. But happy.
"Do you remember when you really come back?" Catra asks.
Future Adora frowns. Melog rubs against her leg, climbs up into her lap. "I think the longest I was gone was around a month, but I'm not sure if that's this time or next."
"Great, so it happens again," Catra drawls.
"I'll come back," Adora says.
"You promise?" Catra asks, feeling like a child.
"I promise," Adora says, smiling at her knowingly. "And it slows down, eventually. There gets to a point where I don't traverse as much, you'll see."
They don't have sex, that night, but they sleep next to each other, close to each other, in their usual pose. Future Adora still snores like Adora, maybe even a little louder. But Catra sleeps better than she has in days.
Adora, 28 years old
Adora loses time. Really loses time. Time passed when she traverses isn't indicative of the time passing in her present. But she stays in future for what feels like too long. She doesn't go as far into the past as she used to these days. She's been invited to sleep at Future Adora and Catra's house, but it's not fun third wheeling herself and her wife, so after dinner she crashes at Glimmer and Bow's place for a few days. And then ends up babysitting for Perfuma and Scorpia to make up for missing their baby shower.
And finally, she goes back to Catra. Thankfully these days, she returns to a Catra that knows, that loves her.
Well, according to Catra she’s always loved her, but still. It’s better when Catra knows.
But as Adora's getting her bearings, she realizes she's not at their house, she's at their first apartment together, which they moved into right after Catra and Glimmer's lease was up. That apartment was getting a little crowded. And it was satisfying, paying for it with their lottery wins. They invested the rest.
Turns out, it's Glimmer's birthday, and Catra’s studying for the bar exam. When Catra asks if she passes, Adora wants to tell her so badly that yes, she passes it on the first try, of course she does. When they go out to celebrate, they get engaged.
Adora was going to propose first, but Catra beat her to it.
And when Catra spies the ring on her finger, Adora understands. She can't wait to go back to her Catra and call her out for having the head's up about their marriage, but Past Catra is willing to kiss her and its been too many days since Adora has kissed her and well, they never said they couldn't sleep with each other in different times. It's still always the two of them. That's never changed.
*
And when she's finally back to her Catra, her wife Catra, she accuses her, playfully.
“You saw the ring all those years ago. You knew we were going to get married, so you proposed to me before I could propose to you!"
“Yes, and? You had every chance to ask me to marry you, you didn't have to wait till my celebration.”
“But you cheated!”
Catra laughs. “That’s cheating? You were the one wearing the ring. It’s not my fault you weren’t prepared.”
“I had the ring in my pocket that night! I proposed to you right after?”
“I still got down on one knee first.”
Catra, 34 years old
And it’s not the life Catra would believe she had if someone told her this years ago, but she's grateful for it. Law firm partner. A time traveler's wife. Someone who started gardening for fun.
And now they have a daughter, Mara.
Catra’s in her office, Catra can hear Adora making silly noises, playing with Mara, when suddenly, everything is to quiet.
“Shit.”
Mara’s on her play mat, with Adora nowhere to be found. Catra sighs. As a precaution, it was agreed that Adora couldn’t be the only one with Mara. But they were just playing on the ground when Catra went to check something in her office. Even that, it seems, was a risk.
Mara gurgles happily, as Catra picks her up and bounces her. It’s then Catra hears something else in the house. “Adora?” she calls, hoping it was one of those faster traverses.
But she’s met with no response. Holding Mara tight, Catra pokes her head out into the hallway, stilling once she sees Adora.
Or rather, a younger version of Adora. She can’t be more than five. Catra didn't know she was supposed to expect this, Adora never told her. “Hey, Adora,” she says gently. “It’s okay, you’re safe here.” Five year old Adora just stares at her. Which is fair enough. “My name is Catra.”
That gets Adora to smile, her baby teeth with the gap are still there. It triggers something from Catra's old memories. “My best friend is Catra!”
Something about the sincerity warms Catra's heart. "That's so cool!"
It’s then Young Adora's stomach growls. Of course, even at this age she’d still be hungry after traversing.
“How about I put the baby in her crib and make you some mac and cheese.”
“I’d like that," she says shyly.
“Do you want to say hi to her?”
Adora nods.
Mara is barely still awake, but she smiles at Adora. It’s sweet, but it’s weird, and Catra can’t process everything happening right now. She just has to keep Young Adora safe in the mean time. And she's lucky, to be here. But how many times did she traverse into stranger's houses at such a young age? It breaks Catra's heart. Adora didn't like to talk about it, Catra didn't know she had started traversing so young.
“Her name is Mara.”
“That’s my sister’s name.” Adora smiles. “I think I like baby Mara.”
“I think she likes you too.”
They don’t have traditional boxed macaroni and cheese so Catra boils up some real macaroni pasta and shreds enough cheese for her Adora to come back with leftovers.
Young Adora, however, doesn’t seem to realize she’s in a different time yet, as she asks Catra to call her mom.
"I called her for you," Catra lies, feeling guilty about it.
"Bet she didn't answer," Young Adora says.
The guilt turns to anger. Adora and Catra have both gone no contact with their parents years ago, and have been better off for it. "That's right, she didn't. How about you sleep here till we can get a hold of her, how does that sound?"
Young Adora yawns, an answer.
Grateful they have a guest bedroom, Catra tucks in Young Adora after she has her share of dinner.
Catra herself can't sleep.
In the distance, she can her the microwave going off, meaning Adora is really back.
Catra finds her eating the rest of the mac and cheese. “Thanks for the food,” she says, mouth half full. "This is the best ever."
"That might be because you've had it before," Catra tells her.
"What?"
"A five year old you is in our guest bedroom right now."
"Oh."
“Does this mean you knew the whole time?” she asks. She's moved by this concept, she's terrified of it. Of fate. Of time.
“Knew what?” Adora asks.
“That you and I would get married, that we would have Mara.”
Adora's quiet for a moment. “I didn’t know, for sure. I was so little... I think I thought it was a dream. But I always knew I wanted this. I was afraid to lose it.”
“Adora, this was the first time I saw you, that young.” She swallows before asking, “Why haven’t I seen you when you’re old?
“I don’t know,” Adora whispers back. "There’s some things… some things I’m probably better off not knowing. And usually I don’t go out that far forward or backward. Usually.” Adora presses a kiss on her shoulder. “But today I got to see you older, if that makes you feel better. And you were expecting me.”
“You-you or future-you?” And to that, Adora doesn’t answer.
“If anything does happen to me, like my sister, I’ll still be with you. I think, I think I’ve been pulled to you my whole life. In some ways, death can’t part us.”
Catra wipes at her eyes. This was what she signed up for a decade ago. And she would do it all over again.
Thunder claps in the distance and it starts to rain. "If you hadn't caught baby me sneaking around our house, she'd be out there in the rain right now," Adora says. "So you saved me. I think you always have, in a way."
"You saved me first," Catra says, and Adora looks confused. "The tornado in kindergarten. You got me off the slide and brought me to where the teachers were gathering everyone. But it wasn't you from my time. You were in the nurse's office."
"I had just lost my teeth," Adora says.
"How did you know to get me?" Catra asks.
"It was something Mara said. So I listened." Adora looks pensive. "I think Mara knew you and I would always look out for each other."
"She was right," Catra says. “Well maybe we’re lucky, in that way.”
Adora, 34 years old
Mara is precious. Adora didn't know what the word meant until they first brought her home.
And she loves her so dearly, but it’s hard. There have been many rules in Adora’s life. She can’t drive in case she traverses before she has time to safely pull over. She has to change quick, shower quick, and always keeps clothes within grabbing distance in the meantime. She has to be able to sprint in a moment's notice if she's in the middle of the street. She has keep an eye on her surroundings. She has to sneak out of stranger's houses while they're in their own home unless she wants to spark panic and have the police called.
The hardest rule, the one that makes Adora wish she could give up her mutation for, is that she can’t hold Mara without anyone else around. In case she traverses before she has time to put Mara safely in her crib. That she could put her daughter in danger just by existing near her. That if she disappeared and no one else was around, she could hurt herself or worse.
But Mara loves her play mat, and Catra’s only in the next room, so she allows herself to have this. It's not like they don't have any precautions. The baby monitor is on, and Catra's not even listening to music. No matter what happens, Mara will be safe, but Adora wishes her time travel mutation could work differently, that this moment could last forever.
It’s then, of course, she leaves. But she doesn’t really leave. It’s still their house.
Or, Adora hopes the house is still theirs, in whatever time this is. The mat is gone, the house is quiet. Adora pokes around, looking for a sign that this is theirs or not before she needs to break out and make a run for it.
But she sees it. Pictures on the mantle. Mara’s sixth birthday. Her and Catra’s twentieth wedding anniversary. Mara’s high school graduation—and Mara—it makes Adora want to cry, her sister is there, got to visit that far in the future, and be there for Mara’s high school graduation. It’s been years since Adora has seen her. Her sister is so young, her daughter is so old, now.
When she looks out towards the backyard she's delighted to see that their garden has exploded over the decades. And even though she can't tell what year this is, she's certain she's never traveled this far in the future before. But she steps out back to marvel at how beautiful the garden is.
“Adora, is that you? Where’s the lemonade?” Catra’s voice is breathier, but she’d recognize it anywhere.
“Lemonade? Really?”
Adora pokes her head around the shrubs and there’s the oldest Catra she’s ever seen: gray hair in a ponytail, gardening gloves, and a familiar gleam in her eye.
“Hey, Adora. You’re looking good.” Catra stands up and Adora hugs her. She can't help it, she feels so giddy. And Catra looks amazing with gray hair. “I knew you always had a thing for older women.”
“Shut up.”
“Respect your elders.”
“Shut up!”
Catra laughs. "You're what, early 30s?"
"Thirty-four."
"Thirty-four. That was a good year."
"It was?"
Catra nods. "We have a lot of good years, I promise."
*
When Adora goes back, she tells Catra death won’t ever really part them. How they've always been connected to each other.
Catra concedes. “Well maybe we’re lucky, in that way.”
And Adora wants to tell Catra about the garden and how Mara gets to meet Mara one day and how good Catra looks when her hair turns gray, but it's a gift, Catra has, to be surprised by each day. To live through time linearly. To stay where she's meant to be. But Adora never wants Catra to worry.
"And we'll stay lucky, you'll see."