Work Text:
Feisty. She hated that word. She hated that word with every fiber of her being. No one ever called someone they respected feisty. Feisty was a word that was only ever used in the invalidation of someone, usually a girl’s feelings. Or a cat. Isn’t it funny how the animal with the female gender attached to it was the one most commonly called feisty? The word is innately misogynistic. It was never adapted to be misogynistic, it always has been.
If you google the word feisty you’ll find it listed as an informal adjective, with the definition of “(of a person, typically one who is relatively small or weak) lively, determined, and courageous.” The example sentence? “A feisty heroine who’s more than a pretty face.” The very definition of the word is associated with women. It’s associated with the fact women’s entire being is defined based upon their beauty, or lack thereof. The very definition is aligned with the fact that it’s a “small or weak” person being lively and determined. It’s the cowardly lion finally speaking up for themselves, making the exception that that one person was finally able to speak up for themselves.
Do they listen to the words spoken? No. Do they think about what made her yell? Made her snap? No. It’s funny. It’s a joke. They think it’s funny. They think it’s funny that women have feelings. They think it's funny that she’s mad. They don’t view her as a person. They view her with the same importance that a cartoon person shrunken to two inches with a squeaky voice is viewed. Sure they’re mad, but they’re small and squeaky! And isn’t it oh so cute that the small squeaky thing is trying to be scary? Adorable.
It’s words like feisty that make women afraid to speak up for themselves. It’s words like feisty that remind women that they’ll never ever be viewed with the same importance that men are.
A man writes an email discussing an issue with a staffing department not doing their job? ‘Oh I'm so sorry sir we’ll fix that right away!’ And sure, maybe they’ll talk shit behind his back about how dramatic or how mean he is, but they’ll never say it to his face. Because they know inherently that he’s right. And they’ll fix it. A man writes an email and you get meetings to solve the issue. You get weeks of deliberation to make sure that there is a consensus met. That the situation is resolved. If he never writes the email in the first place? He’s commended for trying to solve it himself. For showing his commitment to the team.
A woman writes an email discussing the same concerns? She’s unempathetic. She doesn’t care for the staff and their plights. She’s manipulative, she’s mean, she’s out of her depth, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. ‘The audaciousness of that woman. She’s entirely out of line!’ She doesn’t write it? She’s useless. ‘What do you mean you knew about this and told no one? There’s no way you expected to actually be able to handle this on your own.’
A man snaps at work. He starts yelling at the staff. Everyone understands. He’s having a rough day. Clearly the workers need to lock in. This must have been building up, everyone needs to be doing better if he’s this upset. People shut up, and they listen. They get to work. They respect the fact that he’s upset.
A woman snaps at work. She starts yelling at the staff. They stop and stare. They don’t listen to the words that are being said. They don’t work to apply the complaints. They comment that ‘Wow, she’s feisty!’ They laugh about it, they talk to each other under their breaths. Maybe this girl isn’t fit to be at this job. Maybe the stress is getting to her. She clearly can’t handle the staff. If she was a better leader maybe they’d listen to her more.
The worst part about this? Women are used to it. They’re used to just being viewed as objects for men. Lumi will watch a guy pass a girl, putting his hand on her shoulder as he walks behind her. She’ll watch as she doesn’t react, doesn’t even notice. As if it’s totally normal for a guy to do that. And if normal is defined by common then it is.
She hates that. She hates that it’s just normal for a guy to grab your hips to move you aside when they’re walking past you. She hates that it’s normal for them to just touch you. She hates it all. The demeaning head pats when you’re acting a little too emotional. The fact that a guy you just met will think it’s okay to poke you and bug you just because you’ve been friendly. That they automatically assume that friendly = friends.
It’s like they see the world in black and white. You’re either a whore or a prude, you’re either a bitch or a sweetheart, you’re either their best friend or you’re their enemy. They live in black in white in every instance except for the words yes or no. Yes is ‘absolutely all the time blanket consent,’ maybe is ‘yes!’ and no isn’t a word they have in their vocabulary, and silence? Silence is consent in their eyes. They follow just above the bare minimum, normalizing their actions so that you end up feeling like you’re the one who’s the problem.
You talk to your friends and at best they say ‘yeah that sucks!’ and at worst they entirely dismiss you. ‘That happens to me too and you don’t hear me whining about it’ ‘Yeah that just happens to women. You just have to get used to it.’ Or they go further. ‘Did you say no?’ ‘What were you wearing?’
Men have systematically normalized their actions to the point where even women defend it. To where calling out their behavior becomes perceived as rude. To where you not being a sweetheart makes you a bitch. They’ve trained women into having that same black and white mindset.
It makes Lumi’s job as a customer service worker all that much more of a nightmare. I mean anyone who’s ever worked in customer service, especially fast food, knows that it’s actual hell. Women in customer service? 10 times worse. She hates taking an order and having the person call her baby. She hates when a group of guys order, and she can tell how they’re looking at her. She can see the glances they give each other, the barely suppressed smirks and grins, staring at her like she’s the one they’re ordering and not the over priced, overly sugared coffee they want.
For some women, they get the luxury of having understanding coworkers. Or as understanding as a man can be. They all get to that certain point when you asking them to deal with a creepy customer becomes a nuisance to them, and they start wondering if you’re even capable of doing the job. But they have the luxury of the men at least trying to hide their resentment. Lumi has no such luxury. She has a coworker who is everything she hates in life. A coworker she knows would laugh and call her feisty if she snapped. A coworker who makes her so nervous her hands shake, and she can’t think straight.
She knows he thinks she’s useless. She knows that behind every hero-complex fueled action he does, trying to “save her” from a customer or fix her mistake, that he thinks she’s actually useless. The worst part? She agrees. Despite her deep hatred for the system, she, just like everyone else, is a part of it. Being self-aware doesn’t change this fact. She finds herself thinking that she is useless, that every mistake she makes isn’t because she’s anxious but because she’s just a stupid siren. That maybe she’s bad at this because all she’s good for is being a cam girl. And there’s nothing wrong with being a cam girl(or guy), it’s just not for her. But with the push of sirens being sex workers she finds herself some days wondering.
Wondering that maybe if she had joined the industry, no matter how uncomfortable the prospect of it made her, she wouldn’t be so useless. She wonders if maybe her body is all she’s good for. But then she asks herself who’s the ones posting so much of themselves online. It’s the fact that sirens are out there selling their bodies that makes her harassed so much.
She finds herself resenting any siren who does anything like onlyfuns. Blaming them personally for her plights. Blaming not the men but the siren women who have the audacity to sit there and sell their bodies. Who have so little respect for themselves and other sirens that they're willing to take something that should be personal and show anyone just to make a quick buck. Who are so unwilling to do actual real work that they’d rather do that. She blames every single one of them for every side comment, every flirty look, every everything. They’re the reason customers look at her like a product. They’re the reason she’s harassed.
Some small part of her recognizes that it’s not their fault men can’t respect people. That by hating them she’s being just as bad as the men who assume women ‘wanted it’. But the bigger part of her, the part of her that stems from being a scared girl who just wants to get through the day without worrying about every little look, that part of her that panics from every touch and shuts down at the slightest of provocations? That part of her? That part of her thinks that they’re the whole reason women get blamed for assault. That part of her thinks that the whole reason sirens get treated the way they do is because of the sirens who are selling their bodies, who are actively perpetuating the ‘object’ stereotype so many try to avoid.
At the end of the day though? Lumi’s just a barista. What she thinks doesn’t matter. She’ll never have the confidence to say anything, and as she overhears a girl yell at her boyfriend for saying something rude, her boyfriend's friend laughing in response and commenting that – ‘Wow! Your girl’s feisty!’ – She can only do what she always does. Grit her teeth, ignore it and move on with her life.
She fucking hates the word feisty.