Chapter Text
Chapter One: Letters.
“With Love, James.”
As soon as the letter finishes he takes a deep breath, trying to ignore all the pain and frustration piling up inside him. He has no idea why he does this but it’s become some kind of a habit at this point for him. The first letter he wrote for Regulus was a week after their painful break up. It was the only way he knew how to deal with his pain, sorrow, loss, emptiness, through words. He wrote it out of desperation in hopes that Regulus will reply, he will answer, and he will come to his senses. Days and weeks were passed and there were no answer, leaving James in a dilemma. He was disappointed that he didn’t even bother to reply, but somehow deep within he found some comfort in writing to him. It wasn’t like being around him, talking to him directly but it was an ointment, soothing his fresh wound.
So he kept writing to him.
He addressed them all to Grimmauld Place, not knowing if Muggle mail could reach wizard houses or not, specially this one. But after the war there was no need for him to keep the charm that made his house invisible to everyone. He could finally live a normal life, in peace, in safety.
But then again, Regulus was always the cautious one among the two of them.
James tries to shake all the thoughts and feelings spiraling inside him and reread the letter before putting it into the envelope he got from the kind postman that always gives him a pitiful look.
Maybe he is pitiful, writing letters without receiving any answers. But he doesn’t feel bad for himself. He never really gave up on Regulus. Not really. He understands why the postman should feel sorry for him. Considering how his actions look like. He probably thinks he is a miserable man trying to win the attention of a girl way out of his league. Which is not so far away from the truth, except the girl part.
He takes a long look into the content of his letter, a flicker of pain in him chest annoying the hell out of him.
“To my only star,
I know it hasn’t been that long since the last time I wrote for you, but what can I say? I was always the impatient one here.
Is it necessary to tell you that I miss you again, after the millions of times I said it in my previous letters?
I have to be honest, you not being here has left a hole in my life that I don’t seem to fill with anything else – not anyone- just anything else.
I can’t help but wonder, do you ever miss me too, Reg?
Life is almost the same except that Harry has been a real pain at nights now that he’s growing teeth one after another. But I guess we manage. I think sometimes he misses you too.
He can’t sleep a single night without holding on to the teddy bear you got him for his birthday. So there’s that, not that it really matters.
Anyway. I don’t know if you care or not but I’ve already grown the habit of keeping you updated on everything that ever happens here, so here it goes.
Sirius and Remus got married last week. It was a small wedding with only a few people close to us, mostly friends.
I really don’t know if you get these letters or do you still live at the Grimmauld place or not. But that’s the only address I got from you. That would be really nice if for once I got an answer from you, but can’t be greedy, am I right?
I miss hugging you. It bugs me a lot and I really can’t explain it to you but I miss it the most, this part of our relationship more than anything else. I miss holding you at nights and sleeping beside you, knowing that I will wake up to you.
I don’t wanna hurt you Reg, I really don’t. But I need you here.
This is wrong, not having you here.
Can you at least answer this one letter? Tell me to stop if you want, anything really.
Anyways, I hope you are okay and doing well Reggie.
With Love, James.”
He puts the letter in the envelope before he second-guesses his decisions and hands it over to the kind postman.
“Ah, so another letter huh? What? Is it the third one this month?”
James gives him a forced smile out of politeness, effects of Effie raising him to be the best boy ever, and answers:
“Yes, I guess it is.”
The postman nods and after giving him another look puts his letter behind the bar he is sitting.
James can’t help but wonder:
“Is there any way to know he receives the letters?”
The man looks over at him with the mention of the receiver being a boy and arches his brow.
“Well, the letters were delivered to the address you wrote on the envelope. So I suppose yes.”
He’s not exactly being helpful but there’s nothing else James can do about it. So he holds on to it. The letters have been delivered to Grimmauld Place, that’s enough for him. He thinks. For now.
“Oh, Okay then, Thanks.”
With the arrival of two new people at the counter, the postman just nods and turns to attend to them, which is James’ cue to go.
He shoves his pen into his jacket’s pocket and after lifting his shopping bags, gets out of the Post Office and heads back home.
Harry is asleep when he arrives and finds the baby sitter washing the dishes. He puts the groceries on the table in the middle of the kitchen and the noise it makes startles Amy.
She turns around only to find a smiling James sitting on the chair in front of the cabinets. She arches her brows to the shopping bags and says:
“Oh thank God, we were almost running out of everything. Did you get the chocolate frogs? Harry is really putting up a temper with the absence of his food jumping around.”
James smiles while taking the chocolate frog box and admits:
“I think he got that from me.”
Amy nods and turns to dishes.
“I’m almost done with the house work. Would you mind if I left an hour earlier? It’s my brother’s birthday today and I hadn’t got anything for him yet.”
It’s work for him to clear his face of any shock with the idea of Amy having a brother. She’s been Harry’s baby sitter for over a year now and he almost knows nothing about her.
“Yeah it’s cool. Go have fun and congratulate him on my behalf as well.”
Amy swirls just enough to get a glimpse of him and smiles brightly:
“I will.”
Reading books was never his strong suit since they need a great deal of focus to do so, but he has to read this one. He shakes his head to swing all the thoughts that swirl around his head and tries to re-focus again on the page that he has been trying to read for over 20 minutes. It’s hard. He kind of wishes that Remus was there to just skim the whole thing and let him know about the important stuff in it. But he guesses that raising a baby was never easy to begin with. So he takes a deep breath and starts reading the page about “How to take care of your baby when they’re growing teeth?”
And that’s when it happens.
A sudden knock on the door fucks up all of his focus and he curses under his breath. And then he checks the little clock on the table. It’s pretty late.
Sirius and Remus wouldn’t come around unannounced and if they did, it only meant there’s something to worry about. So he worries even though he has no idea who’s behind the door.
When the second, louder knock on the door happens he throws the book on the sofa and gets up.
If they wake up Harry, he will kill them. The reasons and worries be damned.
He gets his wand from the counter of kitchen before he walks up to the door and swings it open.
And there. In the frame of his door, stands the one and only Regulus Black.