Work Text:
"......"
He doesn't feel his hands, he doesn't feel his legs, he doesn't feel his limbs–He doesn't feel his own body. He only feels a spectator that has been left with no choice but to fulfill his duty. A gnawing ache to feel something and grasp it wholeheartedly; nothing ever made him feel like that. No matter how many times he maintains his satisfactory, he could never feel anything but everything. That is, when fate looked down upon him and momentarily gave him a hurtful choice between his consciousness and emotions.
"Ah! There you are buddy! Been looking for ya everywhere."
Someone slapped his back–never had he given anyone a privilege to do that, except this somebody. He stumbles a bit forward, while regaining his composure. Ever so slightly giving an annoyed smile, yet veiled with a perfect warming smile towards the other who was still no other than oblivious. As he always thought.
A few seconds passed by between them, while the other figure gave him a concern expression, "Ya alright there? You look like you've seen something disturbing." The certain question left him with no coherent answer and only left with a mumble of being 'okay'. Despite the assurance, the other male did not feel reassured although he knew better than to drop this topic.
"Okay, if you say so. By the way iTrapped–I just remembered that we can try something out while it's still in progress. I have been creating a new game? system? Maybe–just here, follow me."
Oh, that certain name gave him a sudden surge of chills through his spine. And this made him fix his fur coat and wrap it around him even more warmly. Whilst; the other paid no attention and only rambled on about the new project he had been dying to use it around his casino. Right, iTrapped is his new name now. He doesn't know why that name leaves his mouth in a bitter taste. And would only be replaced with something sweet when the name is uttered by none other than his best friend.
Before iTrapped fills his head with nonsense, his friend pulled his sleeve forward and jogged towards whatever machine they both wanted to test out for the night. And his thoughts were only filled with him. The way he carries himself around others, cocky and confident. Despite losing sometimes, he never yields and only determination is plastered on his face. Despite experiencing the horrors of being an adult, nothing could ever trample him. That is when iTrapped knew he himself was wrong. He knew exactly what was his weakness, what his flaw was. And the dreading feeling of the moment he faces it. He doesn't think he can bare through it.
......
iTrapped was pulled along with his best friend's shenanigans, letting himself get dragged gently around the casino and meeting new faces he doesn't bother trying to remember. Because the only face he's ever been entranced is the one in front of him. So full of joy and love, full of entertainment and content. He wishes to see it 'til the very moment the light leaves his aureate eyes. And then, that is where his beginning ends. He knew himself better than to get attached with an individual he planned to befriend in the first place to get his own benefit.
Just maybe, maybe he can cherish this time and let himself feel something for the very first time of being alive. Just maybe, maybe he deserves this for the very last time of being able to feel everything all at once. When it comes to it, he has no choice but to end it in the most selfish way he could think of. Because everything the guy could offer, is his only and only his.
......
He doesn't feel the wet patch on his suit, he doesn't feel the liquid that is dripping on his hands and the sleek metal on his palm. The color of ivory fills his vision and he couldn't think. The only thing he can audibly concentrate on is the lifeless body on the ground. As tears started pouring down from heaven and he doesn't know which one is the truth. All he knows is that it's finished. Everything is finished, his everything is finished. iTrapped didn't knew he was holding his own breath until a weak cry came out of the dying corpse, "Why?"
A simple question that made his mind ran go through the very core of hell. An agonizing thought of, Why? He himself knew the answer but he couldn't bring his frozen lips to speak. Because he knows what else would come out if he brought himself to explain what he did. And iTrapped never faced his fears with a broken expression. Although this particular fear tore itself through his carved ice heart. Never letting one in because he knows it's addicting to get attached. But somehow, this one being, managed to cave and build himself a home inside a terrifying ragged and dispiriting organ that had isolated from everything it has ever known. Tenderly stitching every nerves and cells to patch up the ruins, while he ruined the only thing that gave him everything he could himself offer.
"Chance, you had expected this to happen right?"
iTrapped no longer knows himself, or the monotone voice that ripped out through his throat. He needs the assurance of the fact that his partner knew his plan all along, and that he was a bastard at ever trusting him despite knowing so. Because who else would want to trust a guy like iTrapped? But this guy destroyed that moral code. And befriended him, iTrapped knew he was witty and smart. But he doesn't understand as to why.
"Yes, I did."
iTrapped stood still in the quiet downturn of the day. He couldn't bare to gaze down at his one and only. The rain echoes through the breezy forest and a loud thunder storm wanted to interrupt them on their quarrel. But iTrapped knew this is forever.
The dark heart sword slipped out from iTrapped's hands and left a soft thud on the grass beside them. iTrapped kept his gaze forward but he hears the soft and slow breathing of the figure below him. He doesn't know what else to say, because what else did he have to say? He had said everything when he managed to plunge his sword into his partner's stomach.
"Then why?"
A soft but broken chuckle was barely audible, but iTrapped knew his senses were on alert all the time. As he finally looked at his friends face, and only saw the everlasting smile on his face. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the corpse, this was it. The last moment of them together, the moment that iTrapped had longed for since the beginning.
"Because I trusted you."
......