up and adam goes to fruit and vegetable rehab

by ventanylll

Summary:

just read the title bro

Notes:

he's using my laptop again help me im crying

(im the he in question) - TC

 

(this is also only poking fun at the few who go on an absurdly strict carnivore diet for no reason)

Chapter 1: adam admits his crimes

adam walked into the building with his husband elijah volkov sitti ng at the table
"oh hello m ister up and adam my dearest husband ogf all" said elijah.
:"elijah dear. i must tell you about something"
adam sat down at the table withbis husband, they held hands as adam spoke, as if adam was informing elijah og someones deatgh.
"what is it adam?" eliojah askwed, his moe eyes sparking like sparking water he star3d up atafam with concerned. think of those scenes in anime whre they go 's-senpai...'
"iam a........" (pause for dramatic effect) "carniore."
elojah gasped, how could his darling sdo suh a thing!!!!!!!
"ypu WHAT." elijah said, just then their son wh isnt actually yhier son, hes just some kid who lived in the woofd and adam insisted on bringing him home, walked in.
"edsad? adam???" thwe bouy said. elihjah sighed, how could he exp;lain this to his son? was bailey even old enough to hear about this???
"adam dearest husband who i lpve so very muvh and very dearly i lkove you. can we talk a bout this without................... *the boy*?" lijah sID and adan mnodded in responmse
elijah pu down hgis poirrige and followed adam outside , into theor prking lot. adasm shot his good buddy joshua a texst
---------------------------------------
adam: Hello Joshua, it is Adam.
johsua: yo
adam: My husband seems devastated by this new diet you recommended I begin.
johsua: o dam
joshua: skill issue ig
___________________________________________________________
adam put WAY his phpoen, elijah seemed update about how adam wasvtexting during their VERY VEYR VEYR impotant coversomation.
"adam, put the pho e dowj, we are TALKING." eljiah said nagrily with an angry expression n his anfrgyu face. adam twirled his way overtto elijah and he carresred aelojahs face l0vingl7y.
":elijah my love"
elijah slapped adams face away i nmean hand, he slapped jis hand not his face.
"e-e-liah
"no. u know what this mrans adam......:"
ada, lookee down at ashfsult yk the concrete in the parkin lot, anyways. he looked down in shame. how dpculd he let down hus famity ;ike this? eating raw egggs and slurpeing up blended u[p ground beef... FOR FUN?!?!?!?!!!! what a h3nuous act.......
"you know wayht you nred adam..: elijah said, putting a comforth9ng hand on his husbands arm, the atoms alinged for a quick sec tho, so elijah's hand phased thru adams arm. adam nodded spllemly