Chapter Text
Hugo leaned on the railing of the bar balcony. He could still hear the music from inside, but it was dampened by the closed door and the vehicles passing by on the streets below him. Lights in various colours from windows and neon signs dotted the tall buildings around him. Hologram advertisements lined the streets and the walls, and artificial voices rang out occasionally to announce them. The cold city air smelled of smoke and concrete. And it smelled like home.
His companion for that night, Varian, was still inside; getting drinks, talking to random people, and whatever the fuck else he said he wouldn’t want to do an hour ago. He had been apprehensive about the idea at first – what if it’s too loud or what if I hate the food – but he agreed to try it, once reassured that they could leave if any of that happens. And he sure seemed to be having fun now. Unfortunately, that made one of them. Hugo was not having a good day (for reasons god fucking knows), and since Varian was mostly handling himself, he excused himself in an attempt to relax. Or at least however much he could relax.
He looked down at the city roads below, and tried to focus on them instead of his rampant thoughts. Channels for hovercars were layered criss-cross on top of each other, and several of them were whizzing past despite the late hour. Every once in a while, a particularly enthusiastic group of slobs would drive by, their music blasting and clashing disharmoniously with the bar’s music. It was horrible, but at least it was different.
He stayed there for a while, enjoying the sensory enrichment, until eventually the traffic thinned out and the world got a lot quieter. Except of course, the music, but even that felt softer and less lively than before. But this meant that his brain would get louder instead. It was inevitable, at this point. The thoughts that he’d been trying to run away from caught up to him, and dragged a heavy sense of dread along with them.
This whole night was pointless. Befriending Varian and trying to get closer to him was pointless. Because they were working against each other, and in the end Hugo would have to betray Varian, no matter what he did right now. None of this, none of their friendship mattered.
And yet, it felt so good. Being in Varian’s presence made Hugo happier than he remembered feeling in a long time, and he really didn’t want to miss out on that. But it wasn’t going to last, so was it even worth the effort? Was it even real?
Ugh, it was all so confusing, and just such a… mess. That no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t rearrange or make sense of. He couldn’t even shove it away without it coming crashing back out again. This was unusual. Normally, he’d manage to subdue the internal mayhem pretty easily, by distracting himself or otherwise. But that wasn’t working anymore, and he couldn’t figure out why. He was starting to get tired of it now. And he needed a break. A break from his own head. But he knew he would never get one.
Hugo looked back down beyond the railing. The ground was so far away from here, almost disappearing into the dark fog. It looked… peaceful, in a strange way. Receding away and solitary from all the chaos of the world above. He wondered what it would be like if he too could disappear like that. To leave everything behind, and just become part of the void. To be able to watch time go by from an external point. To be nothing at all.
He wouldn’t act on it, of course; it was totally not worth it. But just the thought of it felt… it felt pretty nice. Like finally getting some respite. And all it would take to get there was one false step-
“Hey, Hugo,” Varian’s sounded from behind, startling Hugo out of his spiralling session. “You good?”
“Uhh, yeah,” Hugo turned to face Varian and replied, “Just… zoned out for a bit.”
Varian stared at him for a few seconds. He looked concerned. “Are you sure? ‘Cause-”
“I’m fine,” Hugo snapped back, without meaning to. He softened his tone and added, “Seriously, I’m okay. You don’t need to worry about me.”
Varian pressed his lips together. He didn’t seem fully convinced, but he let it go. “Okay, I believe you. Sorry for pushing you-”
“Not an issue.”
“-Alright. Umm. Can we leave though? I’m getting kinda tired of this place now, heh.”
“Absolutely, and me too,” Hugo agreed, and started walking towards Varian. “Plus, there’s another cool spot that I wanna show you, if you’re up for it.”
“Only if it’s like, chill. ‘Cause I don’t think I can handle any more of this,” Varian said.
Hugo smirked. “Oh, it’s chill alright,” he assured, “trust me – you’ll love it.”
Varian smiled a little at that. (Oh, the way that smile warmed Hugo to the core-) “Ohkay, if you say so.”
They both made it back outside together, Hugo leading the way towards the spot he knew and Varian following alongside him.
Doomsaying would have to wait; he had places to be.