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It struck you as a sentimental ploy for Gi-hun to suggest traveling to Jeju Island of all places. You immediately regretted answering the man’s call on your lunch break. Normally, you never returned them.
“C’mon! It’ll be like the good old days!” Gi-hun exclaimed. “You love the beach!”
You exhaled cigarette smoke from your lungs in a long sigh. “Good old days? We only went once.”
The one time had been on a school trip in junior high. Even though you were a year younger than Gi-hun, your intelligence gave you the prestigious honor of skipping ahead one grade. Your mother worried about you traveling so far without her as a chaperone, but she couldn’t leave her fish market stall unattended for three whole days. Her hard work was key to both of your survival in those days.
On the other hand, Mal-soon was ready for a break from her rambunctious son. She said, “It will be good for the boys. Sang-woo will keep Gi-hun out of trouble, and their teacher will be there.”
The irony of how you had to keep your older friend out of trouble wasn’t lost on you. In many ways, Gi-hun failed to live up to his role as your hyung, but you continued to call him that anyway. Deep down, you knew doing so went beyond societal standards. It was one of the few safe ways you could show affection for Gi-hun.
“You need a vacation!” Gi-hun shouted on the other end of the line.
After decades of friendship, his yelling shouldn’t have caught you off guard, but it did. Every muscle in your body tensed, and you jumped. “A vacation’s not in the budget right now.”
“Aah, don’t worry about that!” Gi-hun said. You could hear the ear-to-ear smile on his face. “It’s all on me! I won big at the track!”
You almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Here Gi-hun was with disposable income while you were just barely scraping by. One more bad investment could ruin you. Even though you lived in Seoul now, your reputation as being the pride and joy of Ssangmun-dong haunted you. You couldn’t fail and crawl back home. You refused to bring such humiliation upon your mother.
You took another drag from your cigarette. “Fine. When do we leave?”
“Tomorrow!” Gi-hun said. “I’ll get it all taken care of and call you back later with the details, so you better answer. Oh, man! We’re gonna have so much fun! Remember how—”
As he went on, you tuned out. Of course, he would call again and subject you to that boisterous voice that became harder to listen to with each passing day. Just hearing Gi-hun talk reminded you of how real he was—and also of the disease that would one day lead to your demise. You weren’t dying from anything the doctors could diagnose, but something was seriously wrong with your heart.
It started beating out of time once puberty hit, and you began noticing Gi-hun in all the ways that you shouldn’t. The first trauma occurred in the locker room during gym class. Gi-hun stripped off his clothes like it was nothing. Between walking everywhere and getting into neighborhood scuffles with the other kids, he already had toned muscles and budding abs. He probably worked out in his bedroom, too. You were instantly aroused, and you bolted to hide in the only bathroom stall in the locker room until it passed.
Naturally, Gi-hun chased after you butt naked and banged on the door. “Sang-woo, don’t be such a wuss! We’re all guys!”
You didn’t think he noticed the tenting in your pants, as oblivious as he was, but you couldn’t afford to take that risk.
While you no longer had to see Gi-hun change on a daily basis, you could never purge the locker room memory from your mind. You also still thought of all his habits that somehow secretly charmed you, including: The annoying way he cleared his throat, the way he clicked his tongue to start a conversation after a long lapse of silence, his dopey smile whenever he brought up a memory from the good old days, how he whined whenever he went too long without food, and the maddening way he leaned in ridiculously close whenever he wanted you to light his cigarette.
“Sang-woo? Sang-woo, you still there?” Gi-hun asked, pulling you from your thoughts and back to the present. “Did you hear what I said about the Olle Trail?”
“Yes,” you answered curtly. You didn’t know how much time passed, but your cigarette had burned down to the filter. When you checked your watch, you realized your lunch break should have ended five minutes ago. “Let’s talk later.”
“Alright, great! I’ll hit you up later,” Gi-hun said. “Don’t work too hard, okay?”
That was easy for him to say. You rolled your eyes. “Goodbye, hyung.” You hung up without giving him a chance to keep talking.
“Sang-woo, wake up,” Gi-hun whined, shaking your shoulder.
You groaned and opened your eyes. Everything was blurry without your glasses. Your vision was bad enough where you needed corrective lenses to function, albeit glasses or contacts. However, even with his features obscured, you’d always recognize Gi-hun’s face.
“Hyung?” You asked, sitting up in bed and rubbing the sleep from your eyes. “What time is it?”
“Quarter to six,” Gi-hun answered while you put on your glasses. “I figured we could watch the sunrise and go hiking.”
Your gaze narrowed. How did he have all this energy after spending last night drinking with the Jeju locals? By all accounts, he should have been hungover, but he seemed to have energy flowing through him like water in an untapped well.
You both arrived on Jeju yesterday afternoon. You took the ferry there with Gi-hun. A plane would have been more efficient time wise, but this trip was arranged by a sentimental man with a stupidly big heart. Of course, Gi-hun had to take the scenic route. He kept pointing out every little thing, from the clouds to the waves that he thought looked cool.
“Wow!” Gi-hun had kept exclaiming, as if he was seeing something as incredible as dolphins jumping out of the ocean and moving with the current.
The hotel room Gi-hun booked had two double beds, nautical décor, and bright colors. A TV and mini fridge were at the center of the room. The long TV stand also doubled as a vanity and a desk with how it extended. Along the same wall was a loveseat. There was a closet near the exit, as well as a bathroom with a bathtub and shower. Near the back of the room was a door that led out to the balcony. No view of the ocean, mind you, just a cluster of palm trees that gave you hives, metaphorically speaking.
You thought these quarters were too close for comfort. You questioned him about it, but he thought you’d spend more time together this way.
In the present moment, Gi-hun gave you an affectionate clap on the shoulder. “Hey, don’t fall back to sleep on me. We gotta seize the day!”
Your muscles tensed. “I have a lot of work to do.”
Gi-hun pouted. “You said that last night when you didn’t wanna go out for drinks.”
“I ate dinner with you, didn’t I?” you asked irritably, the tone of voice suggesting you did him a favor.
“Yeah, but I wanna make more memories with you than just dinner,” Gi-hun said. “I wish you wouldn’t have brought that dumb computer with you.”
“I don’t know what to tell you.” Your head hurt from lack of sleep. When Gi-hun stumbled in late last night, he promptly started snoring after he passed out. “You have bad timing. This is a busy time of year for me. I can’t just not work.”
Gi-hun rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay. I get it. How about I get some coffee then? And we can do our own thing afterward, I guess.”
“Fine,” you said.
He left the room afterward. You got out of bed to freshen up and change out of your pajamas. When you stepped out of the bathroom, Gi-hun returned with two to-go cups of coffee in a cardboard holder. He also had a paper bag in his other hand.
“You’ll be a lot less grumpy once you’ve had coffee,” Gi-hun said with a wink. He shook the paper bag, too. “I also got some donuts.”
You said nothing, but you took one of the cups of coffee and led the way out to the balcony. He knew you had a weakness for sweets. It made keeping the weight off difficult, especially with being in your forties. You didn’t let yourself indulge often, which sometimes resulted in binges that you and your stomach regretted later.
Both of you sat down and looked at the view. The sun began peeking over the horizon, warming up the sky with magnificent orange hues.
“Wow!” Gi-hun exclaimed in amazement, and you felt like it was a repeat of the boat all over again.
You sipped your coffee. Gi-hun dug into the paper bag and handed you a kkwabaegi. You accepted it, staring at the twisted donut and noting the way the sugar and cinnamon glistened in the sunlight. After a moment, you bit into the mildly sweet confection. Without meaning to, you hummed your approval, which you instantly regretted.
Gi-hun laughed. “Good, isn’t it, Sang-woo?”
You swallowed the bite, face hot. “Mmph.”
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Gi-hun said. Now he was staring at you, which only made your face grow warmer.
“When are you leaving for your hike?” you asked, taking another sip of coffee to balance out the sweetness.
“Probably right after this,” Gi-hun said.
You gave him a once over but quickly averted your eyes to the view again. “Take a shower first, hyung. And shave.”
Gi-hun laughed again. “You sound like my ex-wife, Sang-woo!”
You shook your head. The comparison to Eun-ji made your stomach twist in knots similar to the kkwabaegi, and you wondered if you could finish it. “You look rough.”
“More like rugged,” Gi-hun argued, running a hand through his bangs. “I think I’m gonna keep my hair grown out like this.”
“Shower at the very least,” you said. “You stink.”
Gi-hun raised his arm and took a shameless whiff of himself. “I guess you have a point.” While he wasn’t laughing anymore, he still sounded too amused for his own good. He dug into the bag and took a large bite of his kkwabaegi, chewing loudly before swallowing. “Oh, man, that’s good. Remember how we used to sneak these after school?”
You nodded, taking a tentative bite of yours. It still tasted good despite your nerves. “My mom’s healthy snacks weren’t enough for you.”
Gi-hun continued to grin, and he was watching you more than he was watching the sunrise. “I mean, they were good, but there just wasn’t enough to tide me over until dinner. I have no regrets. What kid wants to eat healthy, anyway? Did you know Eun-ji won’t even let Ga-yeong eat tteokbokki?”
Your gaze now stared down at your feet and the concrete. Remembering how Gi-hun used to be a family man only gave you guilt over your disease. Even after the divorce, he still saw his daughter when he could despite not being able to adequately provide for her.
“Maybe you should have used those winnings for child support instead of a vacation.”
That finally wiped the smile off Gi-hun’s face. “Way to be a buzzkill, Sang-woo.”
The two of you fell into an awkward silence after that. You avoided looking at each other. Gi-hun polished off the rest of his kkwabaegi. He downed his coffee in the next few minutes, as if the hot beverage didn’t faze him.
“Right. Well, shower time for me. Have fun crunching numbers or whatever it is you do,” Gi-hun said before heading back into the room. The door slid shut behind him audibly.
The sun climbed into the sky, which had turned from an orange glow to endless shades of azure. On the surface, it looked like a beautiful day, but inside you it felt overcast with a chance of storms. You discarded the half-eaten donut into the paper bag, brushing the sugar off your hands. You lit a cigarette, smoking while you finished your coffee.
This trip was a mistake. You already knew it.
The day passed slowly in the room while Gi-hun was out gallivanting around the island. You kept staring at emails, stocks, graphs, and other important documents until your eyes hurt. When lunchtime hit, you thought of how your mother used to coax you into eating and remind you not to miss meals back when you lived at home. You skipped meals often now. Work was the only constant in your life. All other regularity fell by the wayside.
Your stomach growled. Physically, your body wanted to eat, but you just weren’t feeling it on a mental or emotional level. You kept pushing through work until you depleted all your energy.
You slumped over the desk, laptop still open as you slipped into an uncomfortable sleep where you dreamed of Gi-hun and your childhood.
“Sang-woo? Sang-woo, wake up!”
He was shaking your shoulder again. You fell asleep with your glasses on. It hurt how they pressed against the side of your face and became askew. You bolted upright in the chair, back as stiff as a board.
“What now, hyung?” You adjusted your glasses, so they sat in the correct position on your face.
Gi-hun slid some cup ramyeon across the thin desk, as well as a pair of disposable chopsticks. He’d actually gone through the effort of cooking it. Even though you tried not to remember, you couldn’t forget how he used to eat the noodles crunchy, dry, and unprepared when you sometimes snuck out as teenagers after plenty of drinking.
“You must be starving,” Gi-hun said.
You didn’t say anything. You just took the noodles and began slurping them up greedily.
“You missed so many beautiful things, Sang-woo.” Gi-hun no longer sounded mad, like he had earlier this morning. “There were all these nice flowers… The cherry blossoms were in full bloom at this Yerae Eco Park place. And some old man told me about how lava helped make these basalt rock formations I saw on the trail. I think you would’ve liked it.”
You avoided looking at him. Part of you felt like screaming how you saw all the beauty in the world in his warm brown eyes. Surely, the disease would kill you any day now.
You swallowed the last of the noodles and sat back in your chair. “Hyung.”
“Mm?” Gi-hun asked, tilting his head like some kind of puppy.
You felt torn between kicking the puppy and letting him in your arms to lick your face. “I want to go to the beach.”
Gi-hun brightened considerably. “Alright!” he cheered. “You always loved the beach, Sang-woo!”
He wasn’t wrong in this observation. Staring at the ebb and flow of the tide was one of the few things that helped calm you down, and you loved the sound it made when the waves crashed along the shore. You had a lot in common with the ocean. The vastness reminded you of all the complex thoughts and feelings inside you. On the surface, people considered you handsome, much like they considered the ocean beautiful, but few thought of the unknown darkness and creatures that lurked at the bottom.
“It’s only five minutes away,” Gi-hun said. “Just lemme change into my trunks. I wanna go swimming!”
“Fine,” you said. You had no plans of doing the same. Sandals and regular shorts were enough. Even though you loved watching the water, you hardly ever went in. At most, you let the water lap at your feet along the shoreline. Your mother’s warnings about being careful and the probability of drowning stuck with you.
As Gi-hun changed, you packed a small bag with beach towels and sunscreen. You doubted he’d put on any all day. The sun would set within the next couple of hours, but you still knew he could burn to a crisp. He’d be whining, and you’d be stuck slathering aloe vera on him while he complained about how much his self-inflicted sunburn hurt.
It would kill both of you.
You both made it to the beach. A gentle breeze blew every so often, but the chill felt refreshing rather than too cold. Walking until you found a suitable spot away from most, you unfurled both the towels. As you did, Gi-hun kicked off his sandals and stripped off his shirt.
His budding middle school abs had become well defined over the years, as well as his biceps, though he was still thin. His build made you feel insecure about your softness and sedentary lifestyle. All you managed was thirty minutes on the treadmill three times a week, and that was on a good week.
You swallowed hard. “Hyung.”
Gi-hun turned to look at you, grinning. “I can’t wait to get in the water, Sang-woo! Sure you don’t wanna swim?”
You shook your head. Instead, you dug out the bottle of sunscreen and tossed it at him. Gi-hun caught it. “Put some on.”
Gi-hun laughed but opened it. “You’re as bad as our moms!” Despite this playful complaint, he dutifully lathered on the sunscreen. However, he struggled when he got to his back. “Hey, Sang-woo… A little help?”
Part of you wanted to scream and tell him it was good enough, but then you thought of him crying later with a bad sunburn. You walked over to him and accepted the sunscreen, taking over. Touching the upper part of his back made your heart start to race. His skin felt too damn smooth. When your hands traveled down to his lower back, your breathing hitched in an embarrassing way. Your hands started trembling.
“You okay?” Gi-hun asked, looking over his shoulder at you, concern etched all over his features.
You nodded, mind struggling to come up with some excuse—any excuse—quickly. “I’m fine. Just… The sodium from the noodles or maybe I didn’t eat enough.”
Gi-hun still stared at you like you were going to die, and maybe you were. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry. I should’ve brought you more to eat. We could’ve stopped somewhere.”
You shook your head, rubbing the last of the sunscreen into his back. You gave the area an awkward pat to signify you were done. “Never mind. I’m fine. I’ll just sit and drink some water.” You’d taken a couple of the overpriced ones out of the mini fridge and packed them in the beach bag. “Go swimming, Gi-hyung.”
He hesitated, still looking worried. “You better not be turning into an old man on me, Sang-woo! You’re a year younger than me,” he whined.
You sat down on the towel, grabbing the bottled water. “What do you expect? Time moves forward—not backwards. We’re getting old.” You often wondered how you made it this far and how much longer you could continue, but your nonchalant tone didn’t let this on.
“Yeah, but I want you around,” Gi-hun said. “Maybe we’ll have to look into giving up smoking if you can’t breathe right.”
The way he suggested doing this as a unit tugged at your heartstrings in an unexpectedly poignant way. You swallowed some water. “Just go swimming, hyung. I’ll be here.”
“Okay,” Gi-hun finally agreed. He clapped your shoulder. Maybe you were too tired, but your muscles didn’t tense this time. “I’m gonna do a really cool backstroke once I’m out there, so you better be watching and not glued to your phone or something!”
“Don’t worry,” you said. “I didn’t even bring it.”
This made him smile a mile wide. “Good.” He touched the top of his head and took off that ratty blue cap he wore everywhere. “Here, hold this for me, huh?” He put it on your head, making your heart skip a beat.
He ran toward the water with abandon. You watched as Gi-hun waded into the ocean, moving with the waves like it was easy. Fortunately, the water was calm today, so you didn’t have to worry about him drowning in the ocean. You kept your eyes on him as he did his backstroke. It lacked the technical skill of professional swimmers, but Gi-hun had plenty of heart like always. He entertained you while you got hydrated.
A tiny smile that wasn’t forced tugged at your lips now that you watched him alone. It felt safe at a distance.
You lost yourself in a fantasy of the two of you living on Jeju Island. You put investment banking behind you. Both of you worked at the fish market. It wasn’t glamorous work by any means, but it kept you from overthinking, and you had some prowess from all the years of watching your mom cut up just about everything under the sea. Mackerel and squid were no match for your knife. Gi-hun was clumsy at cutting. He followed your directions in a half-assed way, but he’d learn his lesson after a few accidents and stitches.
You both gave up smoking and rode bicycles most places since the fish market wasn’t far from your quaint home. When you were in the privacy of it, you could kiss Gi-hun all you liked without worry once the curtains were drawn. Nobody here knew either of you. The risk of your forbidden love reaching your moms seemed less likely on the off chance someone caught you.
“Sang-woo?”
“Hm?” you asked, snapping out of it.
A wet and dripping Gi-hun plopped down on the towel next to you. Sand clung to his feet and calves. The sun was starting to set.
“You looked really far away,” Gi-hun said. “Did the water help?”
You nodded. “I’m better.” The lie was bitter on your tongue. In reality, you felt worse than ever. That silly fantasy you indulged in was as vapidly sweet as a badly written romantic K-drama.
Gi-hun leaned over, one of his hands breaching your towel. “You look a little pale.” His other damp hand touched your forehead. “But you don’t feel warm.”
You flinched away with so much force that Gi-hun’s hat fell off your head, landing onto the towel. “You’re getting me wet!” You instantly regretted snapping once the words left your mouth.
“Sorry,” Gi-hun said. Ironically, he sounded surprisingly calm. He had a knack for doing this whenever you started freaking out. “When we head back, we gotta get a good meal into you. Your mom would kill me if she knew all you ate was ramyeon and kkwabaegi.”
You just nodded and turned your attention to the ocean, hands clenched into fists that wanted to hit Gi-hun. You attempted to take some deep breaths that synced up with the timing of the waves crashing into the shoreline without much success. It didn’t work.
Without your realizing, Gi-hun had shifted impossibly closer to your towel. “Sang-woo? You okay?” he asked. “You’re shaking.”
The proximity made your resolve crumble. The disease was winning, and you figured you’d die soon anyway. What was one more regret to add to the list of many? Like some feral animal, you grabbed the side of your best friend’s face. You saw his eyes grow wide, but yours shut so you didn’t have to see anymore.
Your lips collided in a hard kiss. First, Gi-hun stayed unmoving, lips parted in shock. However, once you instinctively sucked on his lower lip, he started kissing back in an unexpected turn of events. He even cupped your cheek in a gentle contrast to the way you grabbed his. It made you loosen your grip as your tongues entered the mix. You groaned low into his mouth. Your skin was on fire, and your khaki shorts already felt too damn confining.
You pulled away, breathing hard.
Gi-hun stared at you, dazed and confused. “S-Sang-woo?”
You glanced down, seeing signs of arousal beneath his swim trunks.
“Come on, hyung.”
You rose to your feet and pulled him up. Keeping his hand clenched in yours, you abandoned your spot and the beach towels. The cool evening weather in the springtime shielded you from too many prying eyes. However, even if anyone noticed or caught the kiss, you didn’t care at this point. You wanted Gi-hun, and somehow—miraculously—Gi-hun wanted you.
Maybe you already died and gone to heaven. Whether this was real or another one of your fantasies, there was no stopping now.
You led Gi-hun to a deserted part of the beach under a dock. You took your glasses off, figuring they’d only get in the way, shoving them into your pocket in a hurry. The blurry vision comforted you now, softening the focus of the man you’ve desired for more than thirty years. Slamming Gi-hun into one of the dock’s support pillars, you started kissing him again.
The two of you made out until your lungs burned. While you caught your breath, you began trailing hungry kisses down his neck and torso. Sometimes, your tongue entered the mix, and you could taste the sea salt on his skin. You even nipped at his flesh at intervals for good measure. Gi-hun’s whines and moans never sounded so good—like the most beautifully composed symphony made just for you.
Continuing to travel south, you dropped to your knees and showered his defined abs with more kisses. Your hands still trembled, and you struggled with the drawstring of his swim trunks. He noticed and helped you.
“Sang-woo… This is crazy,” he managed to say between heavy breaths.
You ignored him, not wanting to lose your nerve. You tugged his waistband down just enough to pull him out, staring at him full-on now, unlike those furtive glances in the locker room. You ran your fingers through the dark mound of pubic hair above him. Then your shaky hand gave his entire hard-on an experimental stroke from base to tip, noting the smoothness and length. He wasn’t huge, but he wasn’t small either. In fact, he was perfect and just right for you.
You glanced up and saw Gi-hun tilt his head back against the pillar, letting out a stifled moan while he bit his lip. His hands found their way to your hair and pet you in a way that seemed encouraging.
Keeping your hand wrapped around the base, your tongue circled Gi-hun’s tip before lapping at his underside. You’d indulged in your perverse nature seldomly over the years and only with men you’d never see again on business trips in America. It gave you enough practice to know how to pleasure another man, but you never loved anyone but Gi-hun. That fact alone made this feel different from those occasions you could count on one hand.
As you took him into your mouth, the moans started to escape from Gi-hun with less restraint. You kept your lips snug and began sucking and stroking him at the same time, being mindful to continue using your tongue. You were drooling all over him in no time, but all the saliva only added to the experience. You pulled off for a moment to admire your handiwork, seeing him glisten in the setting sun.
“Sang… Sang-woo,” Gi-hun groaned, continuing to run his fingers through your hair. He wasn’t being rough, hips rocking as gently as the ocean’s waves tonight. He didn’t force himself down your throat, unlike some of those strangers.
But you wanted him. You stroked him fast several times before diving onto his cock. You took every inch of him into your mouth and let him hit the back of your throat, grateful for your lack of a gag reflex. Gi-hun slapped a hand over his mouth as he cried out loudly, his other hand tightening in your hair. Pre-cum trickled down your throat, and you knew you had him where you wanted him.
You fell into a rhythm, bobbing your head up and down his entire length. Gi-hun’s hips moved in time with you. Your hands gripped his full, toned ass in an effort to keep him deep in your throat. Both of you trembled at this point.
“Sang-woo, I-I’m—” Gi-hun attempted to warn you, but you ignored his warning. “Ah, aaah!” Suddenly, he grabbed fistfuls of your hair and started rocking his hips erratically. He finished at the back of your throat, and you swallowed every last drop, like your survival depended on it. The amount made breathing difficult, but you didn’t mind. A dizzy spell hit you as you pulled off him, drool dripping down your chin.
Gi-hun put himself away back in his swim trunks and dropped to his knees to be level with you. Then he shifted into a sitting position, pulling you into his lap. You hid your face against his shoulder. Your own erection almost hurt at this point with how bad you needed a release, but you doubted you could finish in public. You weren’t like him.
Gi-hun pet your hair while you caught your breath. You kept waiting to wake up, but the dream continued while your head swam. You wondered if any of that had really happened.
He nudged you back gently, looking into your eyes and smiling. The sun was nearly set, leaving the two of you concealed in the shadows beneath the dock.
Gi-hun wiped some of the drool off your chin and kissed you. “Hey, I taste good.”
You let out an embarrassed groan, trying to look away.
Gi-hun kept your chin in his hand and guided you to meet his gaze again. “Sang-woo… I never knew you felt that way,” he said seriously. “How long?”
You hid against his shoulder again, face burning hot. “Practically our whole fucking lives,” you lamented, voice muffled. “Since junior high.”
You felt as if both your lives were over despite making Gi-hun orgasm. This experience was probably just a rare one-off, like catching lightning in a bottle. What happened on Jeju Island stayed on Jeju Island. Nothing could actually come of this… Could it?
Gi-hun let out a warm chuckle. He started rubbing your back.
You furrowed your brow. Of course, he had the audacity to laugh at your pain.
“I had no idea,” Gi-hun said. He was stupid enough that you believed him.
“You don’t know shit from soybean paste, hyung,” you grumbled.
Gi-hun guided you to look into his eyes again, gently holding your shoulders. “So sue me, Mr. SNU.”
“We should leave. I’ll get another hotel room and—”
“Another hotel room?” Gi-hun asked. “Sang-woo, what the hell are you talking about? I wanna take care of you next.”
Despite your keen intelligence, you short-circuited in that moment, unable to form thoughts for a good minute. Then, finally, you asked, “What?”
Gi-hun shrugged. “Just because I had no idea doesn’t mean I didn’t like it.” He paused for a moment. “You’re my best friend, Sang-woo. And maybe you’re more than that, too.”
You looked away but continued to let him hold your shoulders.
“And, you know, being gay or bi or whatever’s not so weird anymore. A lot of young people do it, so maybe we should take a page out of their book,” Gi-hun said. “Old dogs can learn new tricks. If it feels good, we shouldn’t feel bad… We’re not hurting anyone. I don’t have a wife, and you never had any girlfriends. I—” Something clicked for him and he grinned. “Hey! That’s why you were so picky! You were always g—”
You slapped a hand over his mouth. “That’s enough, hyung.” Leave it to Gi-hun to casually explain your sexuality, which tortured you for most your life, and almost normalize it.
Gi-hun chuckled, stood, and brushed some sand off him. At the very least, the discussion made your arousal dissipate for the time being.
Then he helped you to your feet. Even after you stood, he didn’t let go of your hand. You put on your glasses for practical purposes, but you avoided looking at him.
“Let’s have fun tonight, Sang-woo,” he whispered in your ear, causing you to shiver. “Don’t worry about the rest. We’ll figure it out.”
In the early evening moonlight, you made your way back to the towels on the beach to retrieve your belongings. Gi-hun only let go of your hand once you walked back on the Jeju streets again, but he stayed closer than usual with each stride.
Even with the uncertainty, you began to feel lighter. Maybe you were sick, but the cure walked by your side. With time, you could conquer the disease and heal your heart with Gi-hun.