Chapter Text
He's a pathetic loser.
At least, that's kind of what he's always been told.
It wasn't exactly phrased like that, no. It was more of a ‘you're just not trying hard enough’ type situation. That's how his parents phrased it. Insult after insult, never direct but always intentional. How hard is it to be nice to your kid, huh? Apparently for some people it's pretty fucking hard. Comfort was pretty much non-existent in his household.
Maybe if he… grew up better, he'd be better. Maybe if he had a good childhood – or a childhood at all – he'd be better. There were a thousand ways his life could've gone, and yet it ended up here. Maybe this was what his life's purpose was. They say everything happens for a reason, but what about the things that never benefit anyone? What were the reasons for those? Why did the bad things need to happen for the good ones to be known?
Truly, he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. He's already made it this far, being in a giant corporation while he adds to his ever-growing piles of money. Yet he doesn't feel satisfied. He buys and buys and puts others down sometimes but… it never feels better. In fact, to see others hate him for it or hurt for it, he feels worse.
Maybe the reason he feels bad is because he's taking his dad's advice. Stick it to the man and all that crap, whatever it meant. He wants the friends, the money, maybe some fame, but not to be talked about for all the wrong reasons when he's not around. He knows it happens. He just has to catch them in the act. Is that paranoia? No, he's fine.
He has everything he wants and needs, so what's missing? What's going wrong here? He worked hard despite others thinking he's pure nepotism. It's true! He's worked hard! Stocks don't do themselves, and neither do the women. He's done both. So, if he's checked just about every box and every basis, then what's wrong?
…
It's been a week. One week. Seven days, specifically. I'm not really one for, like, being clingy. Being clingy is for the weak! It's kinda pathetic, honestly. But I'm not really that clingy, if I can even be considered clingy at all. I have a new friend, and I want to know everything about him, but it's not that big a deal! He's mysterious, kinda like… a man in a trench coat. I'd like to know more.
I see him everyday in his cubicle (that I strategically visit. C'mon, I'm not dumb!) and he's always getting to work on something new or something pointless. He just got here and he's already a workaholic. Yeesh, that man is what I steer clear from becoming. I'm pretty sure he lives, breathes, eats, sleeps and drinks benadryl and coffee.
I've never actually seen the man take medication, but I think he takes sleeping pills. Or used to, anyway. It was on that one floor. Dunno which one, but it was obviously important to him. Is he religious? I hope not. Last time I got with a religious chick she was wayyy too much! Not that I'm planning to date the newbie or anything. That'd be kinda, well… strange. People would never shut up about me! (In the worst way.)
… I wonder if he dates men. I mean, probably not. That guy seems like he'd strictly date females. Though I'd be shocked if he'd ever dated anyone at all. Heck, I'd nearly faint if he was taken. There's no way! He's as short as the pebbles I pass on the sidewalk and looks like he hasn't slept in fifteen decades. Who would want to date that? Not me!
I visited his cubicle today, though it was empty this time around. He was probably out running some errands or getting his hundredth coffee. I don't think I've seen him drink water. How is he alive!? I'm pretty sure he's already half-dead. No water, no sleep, no life. Yep. Definitely half-dead.
…
Y'know, it's been about four more days, and I think the guy is dying even more. I feel, like, bad for him.
The newbie was in his cubicle this time around (like he usually is), but when I tried to talk to him he didn't say much. Usually he gives some sort of response, even if it's just a grumble or telling me something rude, such as ‘go away.’ Pft, no, I won't!
But this time he seemed a bit… distant. Distracted. I'd say obsolete, but that sounds like an insult. And hey, I'm not trying to insult the guy, but I do think he'd do well with a break. I know it's only not even two weeks into the job for him, but I think he could just use a break… or a resignation. Great employee here, really! He's amazing! But I don't think he likes it.
I don't even know what he likes, honestly. Maybe reading? I've never seen him do anything besides work. I'm sure he'd share it with me if I asked him. I haven't seen him interact with anyone else, so I bet I'm his closest friend. (Take that!) I wonder if the newbie even has any friends. Family? It's not lookin’ too good for him. So, if I'm his closest friend, maybe he'll tell me what he likes.
…
Sewing. What kind of hobby is that? I wanted to tell him straight-up that it's a girl thing to do, but I knew he wasn't gonna listen. He seemed even more tired than yesterday, really off this time around. But that doesn't make up for the fact he sews! What true man sews? None! It's emasculating. Heck, just hearing that he sewed made my skin crawl.
I mean… at least he does something, right? Right? I dunno. Hopefully he does something else other than sew. What does he even sew? Dresses? This man likes disgusting rodents and sewing! At this rate I'm gonna be getting a restraining order! I swear, next he's gonna say he likes cross-dressing like some kind of Bugs Bunny.
He's kinda… weird, honestly. Who sews? Woman. He's not a girl! Why would he do that? I would never! If anyone catches me sewing I'm obviously on drugs. Though I'd never take those.
I wonder how good he is at sewing. Maybe he could sew me something sometime, then I'd never have to buy anything again. Just kidding! I love shopping! Who doesn't? I can get so many things at Calvin Klein that can't be made by that partial-man. Though I'd like to have some one-of-a-kind clothing from him. It'd be nice, y'know? Especially if he became famous! I'd love a taste of that.
A taste of fame would be better than my most expensive red wine. (That I buy on the regular~) Everyone screaming my name and such. They'd ask for autographs and buy things from me. All my money would basically be made off of my existence! What would I even get famous for? Being pretty? Pft, comical! I mean, I'm an Adonis, but…
But what, exactly?
Nothing. It's not important, anyway.
…
I think the newbie is dying.
Kiddinggggg! He's not dying, but he is slowly getting stranger and stranger. I'm pretty sure he was in a rush today. I visited him a bit before lunch, and he didn't have a suit jacket on. Just rolled-up sleeves, three empty coffee mugs, an empty plastic drink cup, and a tie that was much looser than usual. He looked particularly tired today.
Though, something I never noticed before was this man's muscles! He looks thin (he is), but he isn't all bones. His rolled-up sleeves gave me a perfect view of his forearms, and he actually doesn't seem like he has the body of a stick. Surprising, right? Though he was pretty strong when fighting me in that elevator. (Though, why did he have to put his hand in my mouth…?)
It's probably not the most important fact – considering the fact he looked like death seems inexcusably more important – but still! I never knew that guy looked like that under just two layers of clothes. I did see a few scars, though. Wonder where those are from.
Anyway, besides that, I tried to talk to him. He seems even more stand-offish than his usual stand-offish self. Barely mumbling any words and sipping on caffeine every few minutes. Kinda sad, really. Maybe he should start bringing a sewing kit to work and doing that during breaks.
The bags under his eyes just seem… too much. I want to… hug him, or something. Give him a pat on the back and tell him that he's overworking himself. I have this strange urge to give him a gift just to see him smile, even awkwardly. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm getting too emotional. Bleh! I'm sure I’ll get over it by the end of the day.
…
This is definitely a problem.
Okay, so, these past few days and roughly about this week that man has been off his rocker! Not in an ‘he's blacking out on drugs’ type of way, but more of an ‘he can barely hold eye contact and sit up straight despite being sober’ type of way. Well… I don't think he's on drugs. Are these withdrawal symptoms? Was he on drugs?
Okay, I doubt he was on drugs, but he's definitely acting off. I visited his cubicle as I always do, and this was the first time I didn't see him working. He was sitting there, covering his ears like things were loud or something. It was just office noise!
It kinda worried me, to be honest. I'm not always one for getting in people's business – especially if it's random intern’s – but he didn't look okay. I came over to him and nudged him, and he basically snapped up like a rubber band. He took his hands off of his ears, but he didn't look like he wanted to. He tensed up immediately.
I tried to ask him why he was covering his ears, but he made some dumb excuse. Something so un-important that I can’t even remember! I'm sure he was lying. The newbie looked shaky and paler than usual, trash bags under his eyes and heavy eyelids. There was some kind of sickly look to him.
I didn't like it, but not like I pushed it. It's his business. Still, he only seems to be getting worse and worse. He's talking less and less, and I… I worry. I don't wanna, but he makes me. The newbie isn't even doing anything special, probably just overworking himself, and here I am worrying! Yeesh, I have a problem.
I need a cigarette.
…
He seemed slightly better today, so a wins a win. Not much to say. He still had the baggy under eyes and the messy hair, but he talked to me today. Actually, he talked to me more than usual. I'm just that charming~
The newbie talked mostly about work, as that's apparently his whole life. (Tch, loser.) He talked about all the things he had to do and write on and yada yada. Heck, he even asked me about my stocks. Of course, I told him allllll about the amazing (boring) world of stocks and investment. I even gave him some tips.
Not like he needs them with how cheap his clothes look. He needs to invest in some newer pants and maybe a hairbrush, then he can move on to buying stocks.
But at one point, he did start telling me a bit about his new sewing project. (I had to ask about what he did after work, but the fact I had to initiate it isn't the point, people!) The newbie actually turned away from his work and desk (his whole life) for a moment to talk about it. It was nothing big, just sewing a shirt from what he told me.
But… there was something strange about it. Not the shirt itself, no, that's stupid! But the way the intern talked about it. At first, he just told me about what the shirt was and what it was gonna look like. He told me he just started last night, and he hadn't sewed in a while. Just the basics that anyone would do, and I assumed he'd move on and say he had to get back to work or something.
Yet, surprisingly, the man kept going. Not just simple facts like what it would look like, but detailed facts and layouts. Half of the words I didn't even understand, some sewing terminology and weird names and things like ‘ruffles’ were thrown around. Ruffles? Really? That's girly, but I didn't get a time to add any thoughts.
He just kept talking faster and faster and more and more. Yesterday he barely said five words, but in five minutes he hadn't given me a break once. I was surprised he could even breathe. He seemed excited, and it was as shocking as it was oddly investing. His excitement made me want to listen to what he had to say. If only he did that on a normal basis!
Not that I don't want to listen to him usually, it's just… nevermind.
He started making hand motions, and soon enough he veered off into just the general idea of sewing. He told me about techniques and fun facts and things that I had no idea about. He talked about ruffles and how much he apparently loved them… and how much he loved frills, too.
"It's just so... I don't know... it's so pretty!"
I’ve never heard a man get so ridiculously excited about frills and sewing. Seriously, this man kinda needs to get a grip. Frills? Sewing? Really? I still can't believe it. He went on and on for what seemed like decades just talking about everything under the sun. He even told me off-handedly about how he'd ‘love to make a dress.’
I wouldn't have been surprised if everyone within a ten mile radius heard him. Seriously! That rookie was so incredibly loud! I'm shocked I didn't tell him to tone it down at all during that conversation. Well… I didn't interrupt him at all. I let him talk. Watching him talk was… uh, nothing. It was nothing. But it would be refreshing to hear him talk about it again.
…
The newbie seemed to be back to his regular self today, quiet and reserved. But I wasn't deceived, so I asked him about his sewing project and if he worked on it anymore.
Tch, I still don't know if it was a mistake or not.
Roughly ten and a half minutes he went on. No breaks, no letting me give me two cents, just incessant talking. At first he seemed hesitant, maybe even guilty. He said a little about it, just basic updates. But I teased him a bit (as always) and asked for more and eventually he came out of his metaphorical turtle shell.
There was something about sitting there (well, technically standing there) and listening that was… calming? Can't really put a finger on it, but not having to say anything was nice. He talked too fast to understand absolutely EVERYTHING, but… I got the gist. He'd worked on it for three hours and basically only done a basic mapping process. How can someone spend three hours planning what to do…?
He said something about ruffles (of course he did), but then he also reiterated how he was gonna wear the shirt… which doesn't add up. Yes, he loves ruffles (apparently), but what kind of man would actually wear them? They're kinda in style now, I suppose, but not nearly enough for me to actually buy a shirt with them. Next he’s gonna be saying he's making a bow collection to wear.
Sometimes he really confuses me. I mean, first he hops into an elevator all shy, then stabs me three hours later. Where are his morals? Then he doesn't talk for four days and all of a sudden is rambling to me about girly shit just because I asked. God, he'd be easy to play.
Not that I'd do that. I'm not a douchebag.
…
He thinks I'm a douchebag!
I only told him how girly he sounds with all the sewing, and he completely shut down on me! He didn't even seem offended at the girly part, just the part where I called him ‘kind of pathetic.’ But it's not my fault! It's true!
I don't get him. He's so back and forth. For the past two days he's been talking my head off, and now he gets a bit offended and doesn't say a thing. I don't get why he's like this. Heck, I don't even get why he says so little and then so much. Agh, he's so annoying!
I'd stop talking to him, but I don't want to. I know it sounds weird, but I just want to talk to him! I'm trying to be understanding and stuff, but I can't understand myself or him. It's just a weird jumble, and he draws me in. Not like a woman would, obviously, but like a… beautiful artwork. Not that he's beautiful! He's not! He's handsome, I guess – objectively speaking. Not more handsome than me~
Yeesh, I need to get a grip. I think I need to start packing more alcohol with me to work instead of just that one flask. Heck, maybe I can get black-out drunk. Hah! That'd be hilarious. Not really. I'd get reprimanded. Hopefully not killed…
…
… Y'know, the newbie is… strange. He doesn't have style, but he sews. He looks cheap, but… he still sews? If he sews so much, shouldn't he have more clothes to wear? Unless he never wears any of it, but why? Why wouldn't he wear it? Unless it's bad. But from the sound of it, he seems skilled. So… why not?
It has a lot of ruffles on it – his clothes – so maybe that's why. Do all his shirts have frills? I don't know. If I saw them, I'd be able to make an accurate enough assumption. Maybe he's ashamed of all the ruffles and the girliness. Maybe he'll think someone will make fun of him and insult him or something…
… I insulted him, didn't I? Is that why he got so closed-off? Ugh! I messed up! Maybe I should apologize tomorrow for hurting his wittle fweelings. Jeez, he's so sensitive! Almost everything about that man screams ‘woman,’ but I still feel bad. Maybe I shouldn't call him ‘girly’ anymore, though he didn't seem to hate that. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he liked it.
… Hold on, wait-
I definitely know better. I'm smart as hell! I'm a businessman after all. So… something about this is definitely off. I mean, what kind of guy wouldn't react so harshly to these types of things? He didn't seem offended at all when I said that. Surprised, sure, but definitely not bothered!
I wonder… I wonder if he's… a transgender…? Is that what they're called? Is he like that? That's kind of weird, honestly. I mean… who would be like that? What kind of guy would rather be a girl? There's no way the newbie would be like that, right? But… he has always been really strange.
I'm so damn confused! This man is a maze. Who knows if he's even really a man!? Honestly… I kind of like him being so confusing. It gives him some mystery and gives me some thrill… but that's not the point. I still think he might be, y’know, wanting to be a girl. Either that or he's an oddball of some sort.
… Can people do that? Can they just… be the opposite of what they are? If he wants to be a girl, can he be? Is he a girl? If he's transgender… doesn't that make him a girl? Shouldn't it? Logistically speaking. I just… don't understand. Maybe I should go back to focusing on getting some kind of promotion rather than just obsessing over some random newbie’s gender.
Besides, I can always just ask. Which is what I'll do tomorrow.