Chapter Text
Strong.
Brave.
Patient.
Fierce.
Loyal.
Determined.
Bitchy.
Scary.
Collected.
Tactical.
Mean.
There were a lot of words used to describe Imogen Cardulo - none of them relating to any kind of weakness in body or mind; however, two days had passed since they had returned to Aretia and the only thing she felt was empty.
Imogen hadn't stepped foot into her shared room with Quinn once. She couldn't stand to see the abandoned extra pair of boots by the door, her silly multi-colored hair elastics that she insisted brought needed color to their black attire, or the letters she had written to Jax sitting on their shared desk, never having been sent.
She didn’t even know if those things were still there, since they had offered all of the other rider’s belongings to Malek when they said goodbye, but she wasn't sure if going into their room and seeing them gone would be worse than if they were still there, so she didn't check. Ignorance really was bliss sometimes.
She raided the supply closet for flight leathers, bathed in the bathing chambers in the training room, and managed to catch an hour or two sleep here and there when she ended up dosing off out of pure exhaustion by the river at night. Glane was getting fed up with her 'punishing herself' but had stayed fairly quiet otherwise which was odd for her, but Imogen didn't have time to think too much into it because she couldn't.
She stood, steadfast, by Violet's side whenever she needed her, offered advice and tactics, helped Brennan and Mira and the assembly when needed, and stayed the calm, collected cadet she had to be to stay alive - stay functional. She owed Violet that much after having to erase her memory which still haunted her and threatened a wedge between the two girls. But Glane was right, coffee couldn't keep sustaining the lack of sleep she was enduring and the small rations of food she ate just to keep up her strength up weren't enough - but her stomach felt sick since the battle ended and she refused to push her limits by fueling up when her body seemed to be rejecting everything that she did to keep it together.
The two people she loved more than life itself were gone - Quinn was dead, laid to rest mere hours ago like the rest of their fallen. And Garrick? Brennan had confirmed he was among the missing, making whatever was left of her heart clench in her chest so tight she felt like for a second, she couldn't breathe. She had seen him not long before the battle ended, nearing burnout, but alive. So, where the fuck was he? She asked Glane if there was any sign of Chradh so many times that Glane told her she would let her know if anything changed and then stopped answering altogether.
She felt alone without her best friend and the familiar relics she used to spend the majority of her time with. Quinn, Xaden, Bodhi, Garrick... now it was just her. She was trying to keep it together the best way she knew how, but their entire group dynamic had shifted and she didn't have her best friend there to talk to.
She walked down to a familiar river not far from Riorson House and sat at the edge, the night falling around her, focusing on trying to calm her erratic heart. She would not cry. Not again. Not here, alone in the dark. She was stronger than that - she had to be, there was no other choice in war. Break and be broken, and she wasn't about to be another casualty. But Gods, she missed Quinn. And Garrick. He had saved her life - got her out from that damn tower and had even taken Quinn. He told her he wouldn't leave her, so where was he? It was pathetic, really. He didn’t owe her anything, but she clung to the words with the hope he would return.
She thought back to the determination in his eyes to get her out of there and the panic in them when she hadn’t moved right away. He'd do it for any of them, right? It was the first real moment of vulnerability between them and now it may be the last. She would never tell him how she felt, even as Quinn used her last minutes to push her to do.
She pushed the thoughts away, knowing she'd drive herself crazy if she kept focusing on everything she had lost and eventually, the soft lull river and practiced breathing had pulled her mind into sleep. She was awoken later that evening, having dozed off against her favorite tree and she groaned, rubbing her eyes as the familiar exhaustion plagued her upon waking.
"Chradh has returned," Glane advised platonically.
"Is Garrick with him?"
"Why else would I have awoken you from what little sleep you are getting?"
Imogen was on her feet before Glane finished, slamming her walls up to the bond, needing a clear head. She made her way up toward the flight field, moving on autopilot as her boots sunk into the damp ground, body tired and mind weak with exhaustion. She crested the final hill the same time as Violet and Brennan, and her eyes immediately locked on the dismounting rider.
Garrick.
His posture was rigid, movements precise despite the stiffness. His shoulders squared, jaw locked, but she saw it – the fatigue he tried to hide. He scanned the group instinctively, eyes sharp. When they landed on her, he hesitated for a breath.
In that second, her lungs emptied. He was here. Alive. She hadn’t admitted to herself just how badly she’d needed to see him until that moment. His gaze briefly swept over her, ensuring she was, in fact, safe, as he had left her. Then he turned to Brennan, exchanged a few quiet words, and Brennan took off without a backward glance.
He faced Violet next, his voice soft but steady. "I'm so sorry, Violet."
She merely nodded, "Thanks."
Garrick's eyes flicked to Imogen, then back to Violet. It landed like a punch. He looked every inch the composed lieutenant even fatigued, not the man who carried her and Quinn to safety. The man who had seen her tears and took action. The one who told her he wouldn't leave her. The version of him that now felt like a hallucination – a fever dream.
"So, what's happened?" Garrick asked, directing the question to Violet but clearly wanting context – urgency, from both of them.
"I remember the battle then waking up here, with Imogen. With this," she looked down to the ring on her left hand, where Garrick's gaze followed.
He looked confused, so at least Imogen wasn't the only one left out of the plan's details. "Wow, okay."
"I don't know where he is, Imogen wiped my memories of everything after Draithus upon request," Violet's voice fell, the unspoken tension between her and Imogen growing at the mention of the wipe.
Garrick’s head snapped slightly at that. He turned to Imogen, something unreadable in his expression.
"I don’t know where he is, either," he said after a beat. "I was with Aaric."
Violet was the one who answered. "Aaric's okay?"
Garrick nodded. "He'll be back soon."
Then silence.
Imogen’s nails dug small crescent moons into her palms. The space between them felt like a chasm. She wanted to close it. Wanted to walk up and punch him in the chest and demand a where were you? And then maybe fall into him and sob and tell him how scared she had been. That losing Quinn had gutted her – and the thought of losing him, too, turned her inside out. Where was the man who had seen her tears and didn’t judge her? The empathy she remembered so vividly in his eyes.
Instead, she forced the words out, brittle and sharp. "Well nice to see you're back, Lieutenant. Hope your sabbatical was productive."
Garrick’s jaw ticked. His fists clenched at his sides. But his eyes didn’t flare with anger, they just softened – the way they did when he looked at her in the quiet moments no one else ever seemed to notice. He had never seen her cry like she had when she lost Quinn and now she looked at him like she wasn’t sure if she wanted to hit him or fall into him. And the truth was, if she’d done either, he might’ve let her.
He didn’t say what he wanted to. She could feel it. He wanted to close the distance, too, but he wouldn’t. Because neither of them ever did. He wasn't her person – Quinn was. And vulnerability had never been their dynamic.
They teased, they fought, and they never let it get too personal - too real. Needing him was a vulnerability she had to choke back for the sake of the war. She had to adjust her expectations if she wanted to keep him close, even as a friend now that he was finally back, accounted for once again. So, she had said the only safe thing her brain could muster up to protect what was left of her heart and maybe she was unfairly mad that he left her after saying he wouldn't - but that was pathetic, they were riders, they had jobs to do. He didn't need to hold her hand when there was a war going on, she didn't need that, but there was an ache in her chest that told her she had wanted it, foolishly so. Maybe he could have at least told her where he was going so she wasn't left wondering, thinking the worst especially right after she lost Quinn.
They didn’t need each other. At least, that’s what they kept telling themselves.
He looked at her like he knew exactly what she was doing – building the wall higher, brick by brittle brick. "You don't know the half of it."
Her throat closed up. “That's what happens when you've been missing for 2 days," she said flatly, turning before she could see his reaction because if she didn’t she may break. Her boots hit the dirt hard, faster than before, as if movement could outrun the ache.
She wouldn't cry.
Garrick was alive.
He was okay.
He hadn’t left her.
And that had to be enough.
But anger bubbled in her chest. Not at him, not entirely. At herself – for caring so much. For letting the fear of losing him crack open something she couldn’t afford to feel. She let the stirring anger grow, trying to suffocate the grief into submission or maybe make it obsolete by punching something.
"Sleep in one of the empty rooms," Glane's voice suddenly cut through - her walls lowered.
"I'm fine. Go hunt something."
A beat of silence. Then, clipped: "You can't fight a war if you can't walk straight."
Imogen's lips pressed firmly together as she walked back toward the calming sound of the river.
Another beat.
"Try the lieutenant's bed. You'll rest easier near what you missed."
Imogen slammed her walls up and the bond went silent.