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“I got us a new job,” Eridan said. “we’re going after the heiress.”
Vriska raised her eyebrows. “Bullshit. We’ve bumped off a few ranked dumbasses, but we’re still small time. How did we get the gig?”
“It’s not going to be just us,” Eridan explained. “The Empress is advancing to open war with her Heiress it looks like, subtlety is out the window. She’s got like half a dozen teams trying to waste her this weekend.”
“This weekend,” Vriska said. “Her royal trip to the equatorial islands?”
“That’s the one,” Eridan said with a smile. We’ve got tickets on the same boat, courtesy of our employers.”
Vriska smirked. “Good job, Ampora. Maybe we can work this into some amnesty or something. I’m getting tired of living like this.”
“Better than we were livin’ apart, right?”
“Don’t be such a needy bitch, Ampora, it ain’t cute. I just mean, remember the last time we came through on a hit, and that guy’s head fell into a bowl of those fancy noodles? I couldn’t even enjoy a job well done because all I could think was, ‘I bet that shit tastes way better than shitty ramen, even with his blood and brains in it.”
“You ain’t a cannibal, Vris,” Eridan said. “And yeah, we’re in our starvin’ artist era, but we just need to grind a bit more, isn’t that what you always say?”
Vriska shrugged. “I’m just tired, Ampora. Tired of this. Tired of grinding and having the law freeze our accounts. Tired of playing a game with no options.”
“Tired of me?” Eridan asked.
Vriska sighed. “Tired of your clingy bullshit at least.”
“Well, I’m sorry that what I want is inconvenient for you-”
“It’s always about what you want, Ampora! It’s never about what I’m looking for-”
“I can be what you’re looking for! I can be whatevver you need to be! You tell me to do it your way, I do it your way. No kissing, doggy style, I let you push my head into the bed, I let you call me by other people’s names-”
“And then you bitch about it! You whine and whine, boo hoo, no one wants me for me. Get over it and jack off like everyone else-”
“I don’t see you jacking off, hypocrite! You bend me over whenever you need to drain your genebladder, and then complain that I have feelings-”
They now stood so close together that their lips almost touched. Then they both dived into each other, mouth first.
The sex was not good, like usual. Eridan bottomed, like usual, with his back to Vriska, but this time she did not hold his head down or cry out the names of anyone else. Like usual, Vriska came inside Eridan and quickly fell asleep. Eridan walked to the tiny bathroom off of the main room of the motel room, and let her jism trickle out of his nook. The first time a fuck went this way, he cried loud enough to wake Vriska up. On that day, Vriska stared awake at the ceiling and felt like shit for hours. This time there were no tears, and Vriska slept until an hour before her alarm, when the feelings finally found her.
The job began like usual. They relocated to a cheap hotel near the docks and staked out the ship where they would kill the young woman who was second in line for the imperial throne. Eridan and Vriska located her hotel and saw her in person for the first time, through a scope from a distance of five hundred meters.
The Heiress, Feferi Peixes, was beautiful, and rose from the waters of the hotel pool like something out of a film, or a wet dream. The topic of a woman so attractive distracted them so thoroughly that they began to argue about it, and by the time they had finished rolling on the roof biting each other, the Heiress had gone inside.
The next day they boarded the cruise liner, and sat through the mandatory safety presentation with all of the other non-VIP passengers. Eridan’s fingers twitched as the presenter explained the concept of wearing a life jacket, paranoid that some security officer would use the time to sneak into their tiny cabin and find his rifle. However, when they returned to their haunt, their possessions appeared to be undisturbed.
The remainder of the day, and long into the evening, they searched the ship, looking at the various public places, trying to find the Heiress and get a sense of where she would be. Vriska spotted her in the pool at around midnight. Eridan saw her at the fancy restaurant on one of the lower decks a few hours before dawn. He managed to tail her to the show she entered afterwards, but was too late to buy a ticket and follow her in.
The next evening, as Eridan and Vriska changed into their “gaudy tourist couple” disguises, they left their porthole window open, and the sounds of the sea and the wind were gentle. Eridan wore contacts and a pair of skinny jeans, and took out a pair of brightly colored shirts and hung them from a rod in the closet, and looked at them back and forth. Vriska wore a pair of tattered jean daisy dukes and a bikini top over a knock off designer shirt tied by its tails over her ribcage. Her outfit was complete, and she moved on to sharpening one of her knives while Eridan dithered.
“It’s just a disguise,” Vriska said, allowing disdain and impatience to sour her voice. “Just pick one, you’ll probably wear the other one tomorrow, anyway.”
“Yeah, but which one goes better with the skinny jeans?”
Behind them, the key card reader on the door of the cabin beeped and the door swung open. Feferi Peixes, Imperial Heiress walked in. She was taller than Vriska or Eridan, though not as tall as the ancient empress, with beautifully polished horns and a mane of curly black hair. Today she wore a black one piece swimsuit that clung to her generous curves, and a sarong in a neon green.
“Personally, I’d go with the blue one,” she said.
The assassins stared at her in shock, neither moving from their position.
The cabin door slid shut, and Vriska snapped out of her shock. She stood, the knife she was sharpening in hand, and rushed forward.
A hook kick lashed out as quick as lightning, and suddenly Vriska felt a sharp pain in her wrist, her fingers were open, and the knife was embedded in the wall of the cabin. Before her eyes could return to the Heiress, the other foot lashed out, connecting with Vriska’s ribcage and ripping the flimsy fabric of her shirt.
Vriska blinked. She was laying on the ground with no clear memory of falling.
Feferi stepped up to Vriska’s body, her flip flops making an audible smack on the floor.
“You’ve got to be quicker than that if you want to hit me, Miss Serket,” the Heiress said. “I train in the deeps, where the water pressure is sixteen thousand PSI. moving around up here is quick as thinking.”
The Heiress’s long fingers closed in Vriska’s messy hair, while the other hand looped into her belt. Grinning at Eridan, she hoisted the prone Vriska off the ground. Vriska let out an uncharacteristic “yeep”. Her toes struggled for purchase on the floor.
“Neither of you can touch me,” the Heiress said, turning to Vriska. “Unless I want it.”
Vriska’s thin lips made contact with the Heiress’s thick ones, contact missing only where the taller woman’s lips made contact with Vriska’s protruding fangs. The motion brought her body up against Feferi’s, and instead of fighting to get free, she allowed her wiry frame to press into the thick and fleshy curves of the woman she was supposed to kill.
Feferi Peixes chuckled and broke the kiss, only to bring her lips to Vriska’s ear flap and capture some of the cartilaginous flesh in her needly teeth and make Vriska inhale audibly. With Vriska resting her weight on her, she let her hand leave Vriska’s belt and trace her claws over Vriska’s exposed midriff. She brought the tip of her tongue along the line of Vriska’s skin that she caught. Vriska’s audible exhale turned into a moan and an involuntary hump of her hips against Feferi’s thigh.
“Fuck,” whined Eridan, thoroughly distracted from going for his weapon by the sight of the heiress so effortlessly turning his partner into putty. “Fuck.”
Feferi drew a finger of her free hand up Vriska’s exposed neck, causing her to gasp and convulse like a caught fish. “Ooh, it is going to be a TUNA fun to play with you, little guppy.” Her head turned to level a glance at Eridan, a predatory smile on her lips. “What a-boat you, little minnow? Are you angling to watch, or are you going to dive into the touch tank?”
Eridan bared his teeth, trying to think strategically with all of his blood flowing south. Why did I wear pants this tight? he asked himself. He felt himself soaking his undergarments and felt bizarrely certain that his arousal was visible through the fabric of his pants. The lurid and taunting smile made it seem almost certain. He glanced down at his crotch without really thinking it through.
As soon as he took his eyes off the body of his intended mark, he heard movement. A hand grasped a handful of his shirt and lifted him off of his feet. Before the image of that hand had fully registered in his mind, he flew backward, landing a less than a second later on the room’s bed.
Eridan’s sniper rifle left the ground, along with the knife in his discarded boot and the sword in Vriska’s suitcase, and the three flew out the window. Feferi watched them go and smiled. “You guys are not very good at the ‘COVE-ert’ part of the whole assassination thing, are you?”
Vriska, her hair still very firmly in the heiress’s hand, shook out of her horny haze enough to let out an indignant “Hey!”
“I only mean, killing people seems to be remora’v your specialty than sneaking around unnoticed.”
“Urgh,” gurgled Eridan, still reeling from being picked up and thrown. “Do you have to do the fish puns while you’re doing your murder monologue?”
Feferi raised her eyebrows. “Murder mon—you think I’m going to krill you?”
“Aren’t you?”
“Not necessarily,” she said. “I mean, my reef-tainers are going around offing the rest of the Empress’s Jacks right about now.”
A scream floated in the open window, quickly replaced by a gurgle. The sound did nothing to the peppy, shark-toothed smile on the Heiress’s face, who simply gestured with her free hand as if to say, there you go.
“But,” Feferi continued, drawing out the vowel, “my security team let me hear this little reef-cording of you two that was taken on the docks a couple nights ago.”
She fished around in her sarong pocket and pulled out a smartphone. She pressed a button, and Vriska’s voice came out of the speakers, distorted a little.
“What, are you into fat chicks now?” said recorded Vriska. “That wasn’t what you were saying when I met you.”
“Oh fuck,” said Vriska.
“She’s not fat, she’s zaftig,” said recorded Eridan. The present Eridan’s eyes widened as he realized what conversation the heiress had recorded. “And come on, I’m a little better than I was in middle school, okay?”
“Yeah, right. And what does zahf-teeg mean, anyway? ‘She’s fat but I still wanna hit that’?”
“Shut up. All I’m saying is, wouldn’t you?”
Feferi grinned. Both Vriska and Eridan’s faces grew hot.
“Psht, yeah. I’m not blind,” said recorded Vriska. “But I kind of thought you were, honestly.”
Vriska wondered whether a person could blush hard enough to fry their own brain. Her body seemed to be making an attempt.
“Maybe if I was, we’d still be fucking,” snipped recorded Eridan.
“Are you saying I’m ugly, you shithead?”
“No, I’m saying you never shut up about your various situationships with people you’ve maimed-”
“God, just shut up about it, okay? I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I don’t want you to talk about it either, but every time you get wasted, it’s always ‘Tere-’”
“Wweh wweh, I’m Eridan, I stopped being hemocastist to impress my crush but he still didn’t want to fuck me,” recorded Vriska shot back.
“When have I ever said ‘wweh’, you-”
“Just now, idiot!”
The recording device picked up an audible smack, followed by the sound of something hitting the ground, followed by a yelp, and impact, and sounds of a scuffle intermixed with cursing. Feferi pressed another button, and the recording stopped.
“So,” Feferi said, grinning even wider. “Zaftig, huh?”
“It was supposed to be a compliment,” Eridan said.
Feferi laughed at him. “I know. You ‘would’, right? Both of you would. My security and I had a nice laugh a-boat that, and then I thought, what the shell? You two are easy enough on the eyes.” She giggled a little, the said, “And easy enough to disarm, too.”
“Are you crazy?” Vriska asked. Feferi’s thigh was still wedged between Vriska’s legs and Vriska had not even tried to pull away.
“Prob-bubbly,” Feferi said, without a hint of shame or defensiveness. “You have to be to surf-vive in my position. There’s only a handful of people who wouldn’t bet-ray me if the price was right. At least like this, there are no illusions.”
Vriska looked at her with her good eye. Her mouth parted. Beyond the heiress’s sexy body, and the sexy competence she displayed, her last comment revealed something hidden, unclear, like the form of an ocean beast seen through choppy water. That ocean beast looked to Vriska like kin.
“So what do you say?” Feferi asked, looking from Eridan to Vriska. “Still up to swim with the shark?”
“Please,” said Vriska, “Fuck me.”
Feferi pushed her thigh into Vriska’s crotch and drew her claw-tips across her scalp. She drew Vriska into a kiss and teased the inside of Vriska’s lips with her tongue.
Feferi grinned and leaned in to catch Vriska’s lips with her own. She pushed against her, feeling the electric tingle of contact. Her hand still wrapped in Vriska’s hair, she she let the tips of her talons drag against Vriskas scalp, causing the shorter woman to shudder.
It had been so long since Vriska had done anything like this. There was Eridan—but Eridan was beside her at the bottom of a pit with steep sides. She could trust Eridan’s desperation for company to keep her safe. Vriska’s heart beat fast, and sweat beaded at her hairline and beneath her arms. She clung to plasticky swimsuit fabric and soft, pliant flesh, so different from the leanness of her limbs and roughness of her skin, scarred over one hundred times, so different from Eridan’s, whose body was so like her own.
In her mind, she was a wire statue wrapped in leather, armor that creaked and groaned and kept the light shining so that she could survive. But the heiress felt like life itself. She imagined she could sink inside Feferi Peixes and dissolve, all of that wire inside her unwinding itself, undoing itself, and coming undone.
“That’s it, girl,” Feferi cooed. “You act like such a hard bitch, but you’re really aching to be safe and soft, aren’t you?”
The coils of wire tightened again. Vriska’s eyes opened and she scrambled to rest her weight firmly on the ground, her good eye wide.
“You don’t know me,” she snarled. “And don’t call me soft when you go around looking so...squishable.”
Feferi raised her eyebrow. “Squishable.”
“Shut up,” Vriska mumbled, which only made Feferi smile wider.
“When you pout, it only makes me want to tease you more,” she said. She dropped the hand not in Vriska’s hair to Vriska’s crotch and ground the heel of her hand against Vriska’s sex through her tattered jeans. “I want to see what other faces I can get you to make.”
Vriska squirmed. “Stop talking like you’re in charge here. I don’t bottom and I ain’t a sub.”
Vriska pulled away and shook Feferi’s hand out of her hair. The Heiress stepped back politely, a touch of amused incredulity on her face.
Vriska noticed the expression and fought the urge to grind her teeth. Vriska looked to Eridan, as if for support, to find him with his skinny jeans pulled to his knees and his hands in his panties, already flushed and panting.
Feferi Peixes noticed as well. With a smile, she said, “I see. Whale, may I play with your sub then, Miss Serket?”
“H-hey,” Eridan said. “I’m not her sub, Princess.”
“Call me Feferi.”
“And I bottom for her ‘cause she wants to top every time,” Eridan went on. “I’m just versatile.”
Feferi beckons to him with a curled finger. “Whale, Mister Ampora, I’m pretty versatile myself. Do you want to top?”
“I don’t have to,” Eridan said, getting of the bed and nearly tripping on his half down jeans. His face was flush from both arousal and embarrassment, and Vriska’s expression of amusement threatened to tip it more toward the latter.
“I always make a bad first impression,” Eridan mumbled. “I’m suave most of the time, I swear.”
Feferi stepped close to him and stroked his jawline. “People like a bit of moe,” she said. “Look embarrassed and flash a cute smile, and they’ll eat it up.”
“I’ll try that,” Eridan said. “Can you kiss me like you kissed Vris?”
Feferi smiled and brought her lips to his. Almost immediately he moaned into her mouth. His hands, unsure of themselves, wavered around before resting on Feferi’s hips. Feferi responded by bringing her own hands to Eridan’s waist, and quickly sliding one of them to his ass and groping brazenly.
To Feferi’s side, Vriska began growing frustrated that she was not the focus of attention. As loudly as possible, she fiddled with her belt buckle.
“You’re very eager, aren’t you?”
“I can be less eager if you want. I know Vris always says I come on too strong sometimes…”
Feferi’s eyes narrowed. Silly buoy, she thought, you just handed me the keys to the castle. “I happen to like an eager boy with a nice butt,” she said. “If Vriska doesn’t that’s her loss, isn’t it.”
“That’s IT,” Vriska shouted, and then shoved her pants and underpants down in one angry motion.
Feferi took a long and appreciative look. “Ferry nice,” she cooed, and Vriska grinned.
“It’s not even fully out yet,” she preened. “Your turn. Let’s see what the princess is packing.”
Feferi did. Slowly, she undid her sarong, then reached behind her neck to unclasp her swimsuit. The neck of her backless swimsuit fell free, exposing her front as it fell.
Feferi stepped from her fallen clothes, her cheeks flush. “So, do you two like what you sea?”
Vriska struggled to take her eyes off of Feferi’s breasts. “Yeah,” she said, any eloquence long gone. “You look super hot.”
“I could look at you all day,” Eridan said.
“Hopefully that’s not all you want to do?” Feferi said, and walked to the bed and climbed onto it. “Do you two still want to play?”
“Yeah!” Vriska said, her voice loud.
“Yeah,” Eridan said, his voice quiet.
They followed her to the bed. Vriska took the initiative, stripping off her torn shirt and then her bikini top.
Feferi gave Vriska’s bulge another appreciative look. “You said you always top,” Feferi said. “Can I ride you?”
Vriska’s lips parted, and then she nodded vigorously. She climbed onto the mattress and lay down where Feferi pointed, then watched as Feferi threw a leg over her and lowered herself onto her bulge.
“Mmmm,” Feferi moaned. “It’s so big.”
Vriska smiled smugly. “Yeah it is, babe.” She grabbed Feferi’s thighs and began to thrust upward.
Feferi turned to Eridan, who sat on the side of the matress, pouting. She smiled at him, then reached behind herself with one hand and pulled one of her butt cheeks to the side, revealing a gemstone plug in her rear end.
“Would you like to top me as well, Mister Versatile?”
Eridan nearly fell over again in his eagerness. Climbing over to her, resting one hand on her broad back, he pulled the toy from Feferi’s ass. Both the toy and the orifice it came from were slick with lube. With a care that approached reverence, he lined himself up with her entrance and pushed forward.
Feferi and Eridan both gasped. “Fuck,” Eridan whimpered. “Fuck.”
“Mm, I’ve never been so full,” Feferi said.
They began together. At first, Eridan’s thrusts did not match Vriska’s but soon, with Feferi’s help, they settled into a steady rhythm. Eridan clutched at Feferi, squeezing first her butt, then her tits, then finally settling on wrapping his arms tightly around her in a hug. His head and his mind got lost inside of her hair, full of the scent of water, and also the faint scent of a fruity shampoo. He moaned, desperate, fighting every nerve in his body which wanted to explode into bliss immediately and so end this gift. Feferi reached behind her and patted his side, which almost caused him to burst.
Below Feferi, Vriska was fighting a similar battle with orgasm, but also with her own muscles, which were unused to the new position and thrusting straight up into Feferi’s nook.
Then, Feferi lost her balance and fully collapsed onto Vriska. The mattress absorbed most of the force of the fall, but Vriska gasped as the new angle ground the edge of Feferi’s nook against the spot where Vriska’s bulge met her nook. It felt like a bolt of lightning, a stream of energy that would tear her apart.
Vriska was scared. Feferi’s face was right beside hers, Feferi could see how much Vriska was losing it, how little control Vriska had.
Feferi pressed a kiss onto Vriska’s face. “It’s okay, babe, I’ve got you. You’re safe.”
Vriska gasped as Feferi ground into her sensitive spot. She felt Feferi’s weight against her, her soft belly, her big breasts, her broad body that felt like a wall between her and the world, the mass of hair that felt like a shroud.
“You can let go, Vriska,” Feferi whispered. “I’ll keep you safe.”
Vriska’s head felt fuzzy. The rusty wire inside was fizzing away, leaving something that felt wet and squishy and electric. Her vocal chords relaxed, and soon her gasps became moans.
“Eridan, she’s close,” Feferi murmured, turning partly to the side to see him. “How do I push you over the edge, dear?”
“I don’t-uh,” Eridan fumbled.
“Oh, fuck, I want to keep you two,” Feferi said, “I want to put you in a box so you’ll never get hurt. I want to take you both home and play with you all day.”
Eridan moaned loudly. “Oh my god,”
“I want to give you a million kiss marks, I want to see them on your skin. I want to give you a million hickies.”
“Fuck,” Eridan cried. Tears built up in the corner of his eyes.
“I want to put my symbol on you, so everyone knows you’re mine, and I don’t want to share you. You’re so good, I want you all to myself.”
Eridan cried out, louder than Vriska had ever heard him scream. Hot seed shot into Feferi, and she purred.
“Look at me, Vriska,” Feferi said, using the woman’s first name for the first time. Vriska shied away.
“Look at me.”
Vriska looked and saw Feferi’s expression, full of affection and warmth.
It was too much. With a scream, she came undone, her back arching as she shot her load deep inside her.
And then, like clockwork, she fell asleep.
“So since you’re the only assassins that survive this trip, the Empress is pro-bubbly going to hire you to take me down again. I’m thinking you could take the job, fail again, and we could have another awesome night. What do you think?”
“Kind of risky,” Vriska said, then took a drag from a cigarette. “Wouldn’t she suspect something was up?”
“Not immediately,” Feferi said, taking the cigarette from Vriska. “and after a few more public near misses, we could spin it as black romance.”
“I don’t know how well I can pretend to be black for you,” Eridan said. “I’m feeling pretty flush right now.”
Feferi turned to look at him, and handed him the cig. “I mean, I’m trying to use you to avoid assassinations. That doesn’t make you hate me?”
Eridan said, “I don’t like it. But if you can make me feel like I did when we were in bed… that’s the closest I got to romance in a while.”
“Reel-y? I thought you two were-”
“We’ve got history, Peixes,” Vriska said. “And we’re both a little fucked in the head. It doesn’t really fit in a quadrant box.”
“Whale, that’s something. You two make me want to cuttle the shit out of you, even though you tried to kill me.” She took the cigarette back from Eridan. “So I guess you’re not alone in being fucked in the head.”
“So it wasn’t all bull?” Eridan asked. “What you said in the sack?”
Feferi smiled. “The thing a-boat a politician, Mister Ampora, is that they’re always scheming, even when they’re telling the truth.”