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Summer has always been told she loves easily, that she loves with all she can give and she makes the world a much brighter place for it. She’s also been told she falls in love too easily too. Summer never really thought it was a bad thing until now, until she remembers just how easily she fell in love with Jade and what that leaves her with now. Because there was once a moment in time Summer had no idea who she was, there was once a moment in time when her thoughts weren’t occupied entirely with her. And then Summer sat next to Jade in one of their classes together and her life had been changed exponentially for the better. Until it hadn’t. Until Jade had gone on one mission as Cantrip that Summer couldn’t stop and he never returned. Now Summer wishes she’d never fallen in love at all, she wishes her heart was a little more protected.
Instead, Summer had fallen so quickly for Jade, so thoroughly, that it had become a running joke amongst their closest friends. Even Jade was in on it when they started dating. Focusing in class became that much harder, focusing on graduating was a little bit harder too. Less time was spent studying and more time was spent hanging out with Jade, thinking about her, and pretending her heart still didn't beat rapidly when she was near him despite dating Jade for months by that point. Imagining what her future would look like without imagining Jade by her side was impossible - Summer fell for Jade so hard that she was actively planning her future around Jade being there with her.
And the feeling was magical. It still is magical when Summer can find it in herself to feel more love than she does grief. When she can find it in herself to listen to Jade’s favourite music again and actually enjoy it, to feel like maybe Jade is there with her enjoying it too. When Summer can find it in herself to love again - love the world around her, love the sky, the people, her surroundings, anything that reminds her Jade. Because it felt natural to love Jade, as much as it hurts now, and it still feels natural now. It’s as easy as breathing, as blinking, and exists so intrinsically within her that the love she feels for Jade seems fused into her DNA. But right now? Right here curled in her bed for the last day and a bit, no amount of love she felt for Jade can outweigh the grief that is clinging to her bones now.
Summer has been immobile here for who knows how long - calls have been ignored, invitations, and requests. Summer can’t get up and she doesn’t want to. And maybe Summer did love Jade with all her heart, and maybe she still does now, but despite how much Summer loves her, at this moment she wishes she never met him at all. She wishes she never took that stupid class and saw Jade’s perfect face or heard that fateful “hello” that made her fall in love. Right now, curled up in her bed, Summer thinks in a perfect world she’d never had met Jade at all. In a perfect world they’d be the actual sun and moon, catching a glimpse of each other only for brief moments but never being near each other long enough to ever fall in love, to ever wish to dedicate parts of their future to each other.
And if not that, Summer wishes their meeting went differently. That’s she’d said “hi” back and never made any attempt to get to know Jade more. Stay as desk partners and nothing else. She wishes it had ended there, the story of Summer and Jade ending because of unfortunate timetabling and not because Summer lost the love of her life in a mission he’ll never return from, in a mission that wouldn't even leave behind a body to bury. Maybe if she’d never loved Jade at all she’d be saved from this pain, maybe in this perfect world where she said “hi” and moved on Summer will finally be happier than she is now. Maybe she won’t be so familiar with the grip of grief.
But Summer isn’t so lucky. Summer has been notorious for falling in love too easily since the moment she drew breath. She loves the world and most everything in it. She loves and she loves and she loves despite the hate thrown back at her, despite the guilt it may bring, and despite any pain attached to it. Summer loves so much, of course she would always fall in love with Jade. Of course she talked to her more until it was her favourite thing to do. Until she was dreaming about Jade and dating Jade and then planning out a future together. Unfortunately, despite how much Summer wishes she could protect her heart, Summer doesn’t know about love and its foolish tendencies until it’s too late. Until she’s left alone cursing just how easily she falls in love.
Summer is just so sick of crying. So sick of dreaming of a kinder world, a gentler sorrow. Summer would take the pain of wishing they were something more for eternity than actually experiencing that something more and having it ripped from your grasp. What would her life have been like without Jade by her side for this most recent part of it. Would she have made it further than a year into acting school before postponing her degree? Would she have been okay to live by herself for longer? Would so many of her days be overwhelmed with what could have been? With what should have been if only Jade were here? Summer misses him so much. But that hurts too much to think about.
Summer wonders if she’ll ever be able to move on from this, if she’ll get the happily ever after she always dreamed of if Jade isn’t with her. If maybe her perfect world was doomed the moment she laid eyes on her. Summer doesn’t think she’ll get her happy ending anymore, not if she’s too busy to picture a ghost where Jade should be. Those happy days by the sea will be plagued by a heartbreak so strong it turns the tides, a heartbreak so strong it sounds louder than roaring winds. The light blue cottage of Summer’s dreams would only serve a painful reminder of who’s missing from inside the walls - it’s just the sand, the ocean, Summer, and the ghost of a lover she’ll never be able to let go.
Because she wanted that life so badly—the ocean, the cottage, the sand, she wants it so desperately the desires cling to her dreams. But she doesnt want that life alone, for as long as she’s dreamed of it she never has. She’s always wanted someone else by her side. It was just that it took until a few years ago for Summer to realise who that person would be. And she wants that life with Jade more than she’s wanted anything else in the world. More than she wanted a pet growing up, more than she’s wanted to solve any mystery, more than she’s wanted any dream role in her life, Summer has wanted to spend the serene moments of her life with Jade. And maybe it’s too dramatic, but without Jade that life feels impossible, that happiness Summer aspires to seems out of reach. Jade is gone and her perfect happily ever after is too.
Summer wants to yell. She wants to scream and get angry at the world for being this way. All she can really do is sob and cling to her pillow tighter. Maybe if she holds on tight enough she can pretend Jade has just gone for a family holiday and she is the most dramatic girlfriend in the world.
Holding the pillow tighter doesn't change anything.
Because in the end Jade promised. He promised they’d have that life together and even if she never knew what was going to happen Summer desperately wants to hold Jade to his word, and wants to resent her for betraying her word so easily. But she doesn’t hate him at all and that’s the problem. She loves Jade so much it’s only hurting her. She loves Jade so much she’s clinging to the childish idea that she’s okay, that he’ll be back in the morning, just so she can pretend to get her happy ending. So she can pretend they got a happy ending together. Jade promised they would, so no one can really get mad at Summer for grieving that she can’t have that with him at all.
There’s a half-hearted knock at her door. Summer by now knows if she says nothing they’ll go away. She only lets out a sigh when she hears the footsteps recede. They all want her to be better and look upset when she’s not. She can’t deal with their disappointed face, she can’t deal with their grief on top of her own. All she can do is lay here and hope the pain eases soon. Hopes her better days arrive early and stay longer this time. Because it’s exhausting, this depression that clings to her is exhausting and wishing for her to have never met Jade at all doesn’t make it true. It just makes her feel worse. It’s not Jade’s fault Summer falls in love too easily - just like that, she fell a little hard and fast just because Jade had smiled at her. And Summer can’t hate her for thar, she can only wish to see his smile again.
Because everything between them was so fickle already before Jade died. Her smile was a fragile thing when they were fighting so often. Summer was being stupid, she knows that now, but she didn’t feel it at the moment. She was angry Jade wasn’t seeing her perspective while simultaneously not understanding his. Summer didn’t even take their fighting as a bad sign, as a warning for what’s to come. Because it’s one thing to think you’re going to break up because your world perspectives aren’t the same. This is a solvable issue.
Summer knows how the world works now. She knows how corrupt and uncaring the superhero system is on Prime. She knows how it manipulates people with powers into risking their lives to save people - a noble thing yes, but they’re not protected and they are not cared for as people, just as symbols of the Prime Force. But looking at how Jade turned out, was she ever going to get any other choice but to follow in his parent’s footsteps? Maybe Jade was really fighting for what is right, and truly made a difference in the world but in the end Summer is still grieving over an empty casket so maybe Jade’s point about the superhero system is redundant. (It’s not, but Summer hurts too much to be reasonable).
Regardless though, it is one thing to think you done something wrong, you’ve fucked up again in some huge way that is Not fixable. That maybe means your girlfriend will never speak to you again. It’s one thing to have an argument just before she left for a mission Summer didn’t want him to go on, only to leave Summer on radio silence for a week. Summer cried when she finally got a response. And then it happened again. Summer wasn’t nearly as worried. She was hyper aware of how she acted before Jade left, she didn’t want the radio silence again - she didn’t think she would be able to take it.
But it’s one thing to make sure you don’t start arguments before your girlfriend leaves on a mission, but it’s another thing entirely to learn you will play a key part in the investigation of her death - not because the police can actually do anything right in their lives, but because you can’t look one of your best friends in the eyes anymore. During those months she was sure she was going to find Jade, she had to, one of her best friends couldn’t be her girlfriend’s murderer. So she searched and she searched and she searched until it was the only thing she did anymore. She searched until eyes were bloodshot, until she’d tried everything and still come up with nothing.
And then William pulled her aside, after Months of nothing to confess what he did. Summer doesn’t think she’s ever been angrier. He’s not helpful, not at all, and his lack of trying only fuels Summer to search harder. Somebody has to do it and clearly William won’t. She Needed to find Jade or so help William Wisp, he will never see the light of day again. But Summer doesn’t get her way. She loses a best friend the night she realises he won’t get in trouble for what he did. She loses a best friend the night he chose his fucked up family over a friend. In the span of only a few months Summer has lost a close friend and the love of her life all because William was too fucking selfish.
Then, as if it wasn’t bad enough, Jade’s death remains inconclusive. There is no body, no clues, no witness willing to testify a single thing and Summer can only watch in horror as Jade’s family decide only two years later to bury an empty casket. It is hard to watch. Even harder to get back to living life when it’s been on pause for so long. Now Summer is 21, living back with her parents, and spending a lot of her time curled on her bed clutching her pillow so hard that maybe she’ll never let go again. She lays there and cries. She lays there and thinks. And wishes. And prays it went any other way than the way it did until sadness turns to bitterness and resentment and then anger and the cycle starts over again.
Summer has been in her bed for a while now, enough time to be concerning, and she is bitter. Summer feels bitter that Jade risked his life like that. And then the bitterness shifts to resentment - she resents Will for what he did, she hates him for it. Then she’s pissed. Pissed at William for every single one of his choices and she can’t really even remember his face anymore. Just like she can’t really remember Jade’s face much anymore without looking at photos.
The tears start up again and Summer wants this vicious cycle to end. Why can something as beautiful as love turn into something as painful as this? Why does the heartbreak burn more than the love did? Why is Summer cursed to fall in love too easily?