Chapter Text
Dokrak should be used to it: going from one apartment to a house. It never does get easier. Packing up every Friday to go to another house, yet both places felt like home. She felt ungrateful...because neither felt enough when it should have. She's been doing this before she could even talk.
Ongsa knew she was tired.
"Rak," Ongsa called out in front of the door. She knew she should move into a house, settle down. Rak deserved a better room, a bigger place for the week she was away from her other mom. She just didnt have time.
"Yes, ma?"
"Sun is going to be late tonight."
Rak sighed. Mae was always late. Being a celebrity wasn't easy, Rak knew that. She just wished at the age of 32, her mom would spend less time working. Then again, 30's was barely the beginning. Rak can't stop her mom from being bigger--she couldn't and doesn't want to.
Ongsa nibbled her bottom lip at the silence. "Rak?"
Rak opened the door. Ongsa jumped and leaned against it, acting as if she hadn't stumbled. The teenage girl smiled. "Ma, can we stop by the som tam shop again?"
"Worried your mae hasn't eaten?"
"Aren't you worried too?"
Ongsa blinked and stood up straight. It wasn't said out loud. It wasn't a truth that was obvious. Ongsa may have been the one to break things apart between them, but she was the one that still lingered in between the past and the future she thought she would have.
She hoped Rak wouldn't notice or at least ignored it. But Rak was Sun's daughter.
"She's probably on a diet anyway," Ongsa said.
"Ma."
"Yeah?"
Rak has asked this question before. She knew her mom was tired of it. She always ignored it or answered in a way that was so empty.
"Why did you break up with Mae? Auntie Alpha told me...the break up surprised everyone."
Ongsa smiled. She reached over and stroked Rak's hair. "Are you done packing?"
Rak nodded, knowing she wouldn't get an answer today.
Ongsa has seen the drawings Rak makes. The same girl with short hair. "Do you have a crush, Rak?" Ongsa was never one to ask so straight-forward, but this was her daughter. She wanted to know.
Rak whined and covered her sketchbook. "Why are you looking? It's personal."
Ongsa rubbed the side of her neck. She didn't mean to invade. "Sorry."
Rak pouted and closed her sketchbook. "I'll tell you when I'm ready, ma."
"I won't be mad if it's a boy."
Rak rolled her eyes and laughed. "Mae said the same thing. I know. I know you two don't care what gender they are."
Ongsa looked around the house. It had three bedrooms and two bathrooms. Sun always wanted a house with a balcony. She got one.
Ongsa also had an apartment with a balcony.
There were pictures on the walls. Sun and Dokrak. Sun and her parents. Sun and her friends. She was nowhere to be seen. It shouldn't hurt. It shouldn't be surprising. Yet Ongsa wished there was just one memory of her in Sun's life--she wanted just one acknowledgement that she was important to Sun's life at one point.
Her eyes landed back to their daughter.
Dokrak's eating, watching the TV in a place she called home. Her suitcases already in her room all decorated just for her. The pink guitar that stayed here because Sun knew how to play it. The telescope left in Ongsa's apartment because Dokrak liked the way she explained the constellations.
Ongsa did feel bad: breaking apart a home Dokrak could have had. But it was for the best.
The ring to Dokrak's phone notified there was someone at the door. They both looked at the door. Rak glanced at her mom, noticing the way her fingers curl into her shirt.
"Hey," Sun greeted. She took off her shoes and set it in the shoe closet. "I'm sorry I'm always late, sweetheart. It's really busy right now since i'm filming a new show."
Sun looked up and caught Ongsa's eyes. Something coiled up inside of her chest. Bitterness. She still hasn't forgiven Ongsa for breaking her heart like that.
"You're still here," Sun said.
"Not for long." Ongsa stood up. Sun looked through the boxes of takeout. A smile drawn on her face.
Rak joined the two in the kitchen. "Can't ma stay a little longer? She hasn't eaten yet."
Sun wanted to scold Ongsa. Her lips remained firm. It wasn't her place. It wasn't worth the energy. She nodded and sat down to eat without waiting for Ongsa to decide if she wanted to stay or go. It didn't matter when she left her fifteen years ago anyway.
Rak pulled her mom's arm to sit down before running to the other side.
"How was school?" Sun asked.
"Okay. Ugh," Rak chewed on the omelete. "I still don't like my math teacher."
Sun laughed. Ongsa smiled, not sure if it was because of her daughter or of Sun's laugh.
"You only seem him every other day," Sun said.
"That's too many days, mae."
"Did you do your homework already?"
Rak nodded. "Yep. Ma helped me."
Sun told herself not to look. Yet, she did. Ongsa stopped chewing at the mention of her before she continued.
"Oh!" Rak continued, not noticing the tension between her mothers. "I walked P'Pam home today."
"Ah, that's her name," Ongsa finally spoke.
Rak blushed. Sun and Ongsa looked at each other, a knowing look. Because despite the tension between the two, they were still Rak's mothers. Smiling, they both started teasing their daughter. Sun much louder while Ongsa giggled--remembering how it was to be young and in love.
Dokrak stabbed her plate of food and pouted. "Not fair! Ma, did you know mae is seeing someone? Tease her too!"
Ongsa almost choked. She sipped the bottle of water. Sun stiffened.
Rak pressed her lips together, feeling like she said too much.
"Rak..." Ongsa gently said. "If your mom didn't tell me, she probably didn't want me to know."
"I am." Sun set her utsensils down. "I am seeing someone. Rak, it's not nice sharing things that aren't meant to be shared."
"Sorry!" Rak sunk into her seat. "I didn't think it was a huge secret."
Ongsa got up and grabbed her dishes. Rinsing them away to put in the dishwasher. "Is it your new co-star?" Ongsa asked. Memories of the amount of times she would ask the same question while they moved Rak from one car to another.
"No." Sun didn't want to tell Ongsa. She didn't need to know. It was none of her business now.
Ongsa dried her hands and grabbed her shoes to put on.
Rak wished she would stay longer. She wished she hadn't said a word. Maybe they would talk in a little more civilized manner. Maybe they could watch a movie. Then, ma would be too tired to drive so she would sleepover. And maybe, she would get to experience what baby Dokrak got to experience: a home with both her mothers.
She got up and hugged her mom, who was standing with open arms. She pat her head. "Don't give your mom more headaches, okay?"
Rak smiled and hugged Ongsa tighter. "Don't forget to sleep."
"You know I love sleeping."
Rak giggled and let go. Ongsa glanced up toward Sun. She was staring. Her eyes round and glossy.
"See you next Friday, Sun."
"Drive safe," Sun said. It's bittersweet saying those words. Ongsa used to say them to her every time she would drop her off at her house. And now, look at them, older and no longer driving together. A future she didn't plan to have, but Sun had to get used to not being able to plan for everything.
The door closed. Ongsa was gone.
Dokrak dragged her feet toward her mom. She hugged her and covered her face in her shoulders to avoid getting flicked. "I'm sorry, mae."
Sun sighed. "You don't like him, Rak."
Sun knew Rak wanted them to get back together. It wasn't like they hated each other. Every new person she has tried to date or date, Rak has rejected. She wasn't going to let her daughter determine her love life, but it did matter to her. Dokrak mattered to her more than anything else in the world.
It was heavy. It was weighing her down knowing her daughter wouldn't approve anyone else that wasn't her other mom.
"And I know you want Ongsa to know so she can agree that I can do better. It's not going to work. Your mother doesn't say stuff like that."
"Sometimes she does," Rak mumbled in her shirt.
"Sometimes." Sun pushed her daughter away and patted her cheek. "I'm going to shower. Your room needs cleaning."
"Ugh." Rak rolled her eyes. "It's the weekend."
"Do you want to go to work with me tomorrow?"
"Yes! I want to go see the band practice."
"Clean your room then." Sun smiled and went up the stairs to her room.
Rak frowned. Sometimes she wondered how her mothers even started dating.