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chenle's never thought of renjun in this way.
renjun's always just been like a big brother to him, someone there to help and guide him when he first arrived to korea. they were closer back then — not that they aren't close now! — because renjun was the sole person he relied on. yes, mark liked to get him involved by constantly asking him questions. yes, donghyuck would always try and talk to him to help him adjust to speaking korean. yes, jeno or jaemin or jisung would quietly correct him if he said something wrong or filled in for him when he couldn't find the right words to say— but renjun was the only person he could comfortably talk to, unafraid if using the wrong words or saying something while meaning to say something entirely different.
renjun was always the first person chenle turned to in the first year or two after they'd debuted, asking him to help practice korean or just when he felt homesick and the chinese on his tongue was begging to be released. and renjun always indulged him with a smile, even though he knew their company's korean tutor told chenle to try and speak in korean more than chinese, even though he himself was still trying to adjust to speaking korean every day of his life instead of it just being a handy skill he has in life. maybe he was homesick too. maybe he relied on chenle more than the younger realised.
chenle had always been a fast learner, so korean started to become natural for him, he didn't pronounce things awkwardly and barely had to ask what certain words meant— chenle had started to sound like a native in no time, and so, renjun had no reason to dote on him like he had done before. the bursts of homesickness stopped reigning down on chenle as the years went by, but on those rare occasions he'd waddle around the dorm until he found renjun and they'd talk for a while, smiling and giggling until they were tired and retreated to their rooms. on other days, they'd fall asleep together on the couch and wake up to a new set of pictures in jaemin's phone.
those homesickness talks are the reason they're still close now, albeit less than they were back then but that doesn't matter to chenle. chenle outgrew renjun, something he makes fun of every once in a while but renjun doesn't seem to mind, not behind the annoyed facade he puts up in retaliation to chenle's antics. renjun's always been a big brother to chenle, but the change starts on one fateful filming session. renjun's asked to say something important to one of the members and he, without hesitation, says chenle's name. it shocks chenle, and even the rest of the guys were surprised at how fast renjun had decided. chenle's pushed up and then, they're holding hands and staring at each other.
renjun has the brightest smile on his face, and chenle's heart starts racing in his chest, though, he'll never admit that out loud, "i'll be a bit sappy today. don't cry, okay?" renjun whispers teasingly in chinese so the mic doesn't pick it up and chenle cracks a smile, humming and gesturing for him to get on with it, pretending he doesn't actually care. renjun stomps his feet whilst he laughs at chenle's teasing back, but he settles and clears his throat.
"first of all, i could see how surprised you all looked when i said right away i'd say something to chenle. i was surprised too, actually, at how natural it felt to just spit out chenle's name like that and have him come up here. isn't that weird?" renjun starts off with a laugh, chenle smiling but he stays silent. renjun goes on. "but anyway! you've grown up so well, chenle. i'm glad. it was nice to be there, to watch you grow up, to dote over you even though i was just a kid myself. you were always so cute, always laughing and smiling and i admired you for it. i wanted to be like that. always happy," renjun squeezes chenle's hands.
"you grew up and things started happening you started to understand that— ah, this is what the real world is like. i wish i could've protected you from it, from how the world really is, and i'm sorry that you've been through hard things in this industry. i know we aren't as close as we were before, back when we were still little kids," chenle manages to suppress a wince. it hurts a lot more to hear it being said out loud— it's the first time either of them acknowledged it out loud, "but i wish i could go back to when you'd tug on my shirt and look at me so lost and confused and i'd have to dote over you. you were always the cutest to me, even when park jisung would get most of the praise" jisung makes noises of protest in the background but chenle doesn't listen.
he's got all his attention turned to renjun, smile gone but he's just listening.
"i guess what i want to say is that it's okay to rely on me. i know you've grown and the homesickness is easier to deal with, i know you and jisung talk about your problems a lot, i know it's easier to reach out to our oldest when you feel down or go find haechan because he knows how to lift your mood—" renjun doesn't ever stop looking chenle in the eye, and chenle doesn't think he could look away if he wanted to. these words... this isn't something chenle's ever heard before and he's interested, he wants to know how renjun feels.
"hyung is here for you, you know? i've always been here and i always will be here. do you remember what i said during filming that one time? it was at the boom music video shoot, when we did our dream vs dream shoot," renjun swings their hands in front of them and chenle lets him, even if he'd prefer to keep then still. chenle knows it's taking all of renjun's courage to say something like this to him, so he understands if the older needs to fidget his nerves away. "i said that it doesn't matter if you like me or if you don't like me," chenle does remember, and he's already smiling by the time renjun continues speaking.
"it doesn't matter because hyung'll always like chenle in the end. i meant it, chenle, so reach out to me if you need or want to, and i'll make sure to take care of you. i'll be a better hyung to you than i have been. let's do well, okay?" renjun squeezes chenle's hands again and this time, chenle squeezes back, nodding, "yeah. let's do better together, hyung. i've missed you," it's a strange thing to say. jeno and jisung make noises of confusion, donghyuck makes an offhand comment on how they see each other practically every day, mark looks between the two silently and jaemin raises a brow at them.
but renjun understands what chenle means. of course, renjun understands. he's always been that way, always quick-witted and well at reading things he hasn't even the slightest idea about. renjun understands, so he pulls chenle into a hug and whispers, "i missed you too, baby, i missed you so much," and chenle goes back to his seat, pretending that reason his face is so red is that the room is just too hot.
-
renjun starts to coddle over chenle after that. like, a lot.
"what's wrong? you're hungry?" renjun asks late at night when he woke up and came to the kitchen for some water and found chenle sitting on top of the counter (renjun promised not to tell jaemin in return for giving chenle a scolding of his own), unable to sleep but hungry. chenle's stomach speaks for him and renjun laughs, walking away as he says, "i'll order something for us. i was too tired to eat before i slept,". renjun comes back, telling chenle he'd just ordered them food and twenty or so minutes later, the food is spread out over the counter and the two are eating together. they don't talk much, too occupied with filling their stomachs, but they eat in a comfortable silence, one that chenle feels he hasn't experienced in months.
"that was great, thanks, gē. i'll send some money when i wake up" chenle says when they've cleared the counter, the kitchen spotless as if they hadn't even been there. renjun smiles at him and reaches over. chenle expects renjun to pinch his cheek or swipe at his nose like he normally does, so he's pleasantly surprised when renjun slides his hand over his jaw and cups his face gently, looking at chenle like he should be adored (he should be!). chenle surprises himself too when, instead of flinching away like he would if it were jaemin or donghyuck, he leans into renjun's touch and closes his eyes, letting out a sigh of relief.
"don't worry about paying me back. as long as you enjoyed it, i don't care about money," renjun's hand is as warm as his words are, and chenle's afraid that if he opens his eyes, this tender moment between them will slip away. so chenle keeps his eyes shut just a little longer, absentmindedly nuzzling into renjun's hand to savour the warmth it brings his heart and chenle thinks he could fall asleep like this. well, he could, if renjun didn't flick his forehead with his freehand, causing him to stumble back and lose that warmth from his face immediately. chenle conceals his disappointment easily, but his mind is screaming at him to just grab renjun's hand and place it back where it was before.
"let's go, baby, we have to brush our teeth," renjun smiles shyly and then he's dragging his feet to the bathroom, chenle straggling behind. chenle goes to bed that night in the bed across from jisung's, a smile on his face as he falls asleep (it's because of the nice meal he had and definitely not because of the warmth that lingers on his cheek, a specific person plaguing his mind before he falls asleep).
-
"baby" "baby!" "baobei!" "baby?" "baby..."
chenle thinks he might go insane if renjun calls him baby one more time. ever since that shoot, renjun's decided to make it habit to call chenle baby— not anyone else, just chenle, and it's killing chenle.
chenle's no stranger to pet names, not when he's known jaemin for how long now and kun exists, but it's different when renjun casually slips the word 'baby' into whatever sentence he's saying to chenle. chenle feels weird every time, butterflies swirling in his stomach and he's thankful the staff let him grow his hair out because it hides the way the tips of his ears go red each time renjun says it. renjun's also made habit of touching chenle, whether it just be putting a hand on his knee or playing with his fingers— but when they're alone, renjun'll cup chenle's face like he'd done that one night, and chenle melts every single time.
"hyung, i need to ask you something," chenle's never turned to jeno for help in his life. maybe they've had some deep talks and yeah they've had their fair share of tears and hugs in a dark room, but chenle's usually been the one helping jeno, not the other way around. but here chenle is, catching jeno in his room on a day he knows jaemin is out and jeno's just relaxing after a shower. "yeah, sure. do you wanna lie down?" jeno scoots over to offer the place next to him, eyebrow raised in a question. chenle nods, closing the door behind him and then getting into the bed next to jeno, just lying there.
"have you ever liked someone in the group?" chenle gets to the point. he isn't usually one to beat around the bush, he prefers to be direct and not waste any time, but that doesn't stop jeno from choking on his saliva at the question. jeno recovers after a coughing fit and though chenle's staring at the ceiling, he can feel jeno's eyes burning into the side of his head. "why do you ask?" jeno says and chenle huffs. "don't answer my question with another question. have you or have you not? if you did, how did it work out for you?" chenle rolls his eyes, albeit playfully, and jeno giggles before he goes quiet, thinking.
chenle waits for him, he isn't in a rush and he'd probably do the same if someone else in the group asked him a question like this. jeno lets out a long hum, seemingly finding the words he wants to say, "i have, and it didn't... nothing happened because i never said anything," jeno admits quietly, chenle nodding but he doesn't say anything. "you see how haechan and renjun have been lately, right?" chenle nods because— yeah, you'd be blind to not see it. donghyuck constantly clinging to renjun, pressing kisses to his skin and always praising renjun if he can. chenle always feels a twinge of jealous when he watches donghyuck pull renjun close and kiss his neck, but when jisung asks him what's wrong, he shakes his head and moves past it.
"it was during go? or we go up? hyuck had just been so upset over mark leaving despite being in the other unit with him, ever since the year started actually. he didn't want mark to worry so he came to the next best thing and was so vulnerable with me, it felt so weird because the two of us weren't like that," jeno smiles as he talks, distant memories running through his mind. "he'd come to my room, we'd talk and hug it out and he'd fall asleep in my bed, curled up into my chest and i just felt like crying each time. he was so beautiful to me and i knew i was a goner," jeno isn't usually a feelings person in this way, so chenle pays full attention to each word that comes from jeno's mouth.
"i liked him so much that it hurt to imagine my feelings tearing our friendship apart, so i just didn't do anything. i let him worm his way into my heart and then i let him stay there without doing anything. time passed, comebacks happened and he went on tour so we stopped spending so much time together and it just," jeno pauses, mouth open as he tries to find the right words, "it faded. my feelings for him naturally passed and i've never told him about it. i've never told anyone about it, actually, you're the first to know. jaemin'll kill me if he finds out about this though, so promise to keep this a secret?" chenle promises just because he knows how jaemin gets when they hide secrets from him.
"so," jeno says after seconds of silence. "are you gonna tell me why you asked? or is that something for another day?" jeno asks, obviously curious but chenle can tell that he wouldn't press on if he asked him not to. chenle sighs, his heart racing in his chest and he gulps, deciding to pour his heart out since jeno had just done the same. it would be unfair if he didn't. "it's renjun," jeno isn't at all surprised for some reason that chenle will have to ask him about later, "ever since he said that thing to me on camera, when he was asked to say something to one of us, he's just been different lately," chenle admits, hating how shaky the end of his sentence comes out.
"you've heard it right? how he always calls me baby?" jeno nods, humming. anyone would need hearing aids if they didn't hear renjun's new habit of calling chenle baby. "it just makes my heart flutter, i guess. and he likes to touch me, too. he does this thing when we're alone and he cups my face and his hand is always so warm, i want him to just hold me forever," chenle's never admitted romantic feelings to anyone before, maybe to that one girl in his class back in china but he left the very next week so nothing came of it. this is weird. this feels so weird. chenle grimaces because he's never been so vulnerable about his feelings before, and especially to jeno.
"he doesn't even try to hide the fact that he's staring at me sometimes too. i'll catch his eye in the waiting room or something and he'll just smile at me like i've put every star in the sky by hand and then look away like he doesn't know what he's doing to me. he's so evil. i like him so much," chenle whispers the last of it out. chenle's never admitted out loud that he likes renjun, even if it's the only thing he can think about when he can't sleep. jeno hums. "and that's okay. i'm saying right now that you should tell him. even if he doesn't like you back, he wouldn't let it get in the way of your friendship. renjunnie isn't like that, he'd never do that to you," jeno says and chenle likes how blunt he is. they're similar in that way, jeno doesn't beat around the bush with him.
"yeah. i know" is all chenle says before they're laying in silence until jisung knocks on the door to let them know jaemin's home and he brought food with him. chenle doesn't look up at renjun at all, but he feels renjun's eyes on him the entire time, even when he's washing his dishes and trudging off to jisung's room to lie on the spare bed.
-
"i like you. a lot,"
renjun's over at chenle's place. they're watching tv together and daegal is curled up in renjun's lap, snoring away peacefully. just a casual night, and chenle thinks it's alright to just say it straight up.
"yeah, i know," renjun says, not even looking at chenle. it's okay, chenle isn't look at him either. "is that a good thing?" chenle asks, unscrewing the cap on his water to take a short sip. renjun hums, "it is. i like you too," chenle hums as well. chenle then nods. "okay. would it be alright if i kissed you then?" chenle asks, eyes not leaving the tv. he isn't nervous, for some strange reason, and no matter renjun's answer, chenle thinks he'll be fine. renjun looks down at his lap and then scratches daegal behind the ear softly, "let me move her first," renjun says and chenle looks over, grinning as he watches renjun delicately pick daegal up, moving her slowly onto the fluffiest pillow on chenle's couch, thankful when the dog stays asleep.
renjun turns around and shuffles over, throwing a leg over chenle and straddling his thighs, smiling down at the other. chenle looks up at renjun and a smile comes easy to him, sighing as he thinks— how much more beautiful could renjun get? "what are you looking at?" renjun giggles— he giggles, and rainbows, unicorns and flowers explode in chenle's heart and mind because renjun couldn't get any better. "you. i want to kiss you so bad, it makes me look stupid," chenle admits breathlessly, so uncharacteristic of him. if anyone else were to be there, chenle wouldn't have said it in the first place, but chenle thinks this is okay. he'd say these things for renjun any day.
renjun cringes like donghyuck or jisung would, but also in his own way. his nose scrunches up in distaste, he makes a noise of disgust and he grabs chenle by the collar to shake him about teasingly. but renjun also giggles (again! chenle's winning in life), his cheeks turn pink, and he also meets chenle halfway, pulling him up by the collar. "if donghyuck was here, he'd punch you square in the face," renjun says and chenle snorts. "don't talk about hyuck when i'm about to kiss you," and their lips collide.
it's not fireworks and sparks like the cliché's in the books and the movies said it would be kissing the one you love. if chenle had to describe it, he'd say it's waking up early on his own accord. it's making himself a cup of tea instead of coffee for a change. it's taking a fresh breath of air on the balcony. it's calling his favourite aunt just to talk and laugh. it's going to han river and having a peaceful picnic, surrounded by people just going about their day like he is. it's buying matching rings out of pure love. it's waking up to a nice, warm chinese dish cooked by renjun's skilful hands. it's the feeling of homesickness being cured. it's entirely renjun, and chenle thinks— no, he knows this is better than any cliché in the book.
"if i knew it'd be like this, i would've kissed you earlier," renjun breathes out when they pull away for three beats, then slotting his lips back onto chenle's. one thing leads to another, they stumble to chenle's bedroom (they close the door, much to daegal's disappointment when she wakes up) and chenle falls asleep with the boy of his dreams in his arms, happy.
-
"please go back to your place so you can be in love without rubbing it in our faces, thank you very much," donghyuck groans the second he walks into the living room from jisung's room and sees chenle and renjun lazily kissing on the couch. renjun flips the bird at him and chenle grins, turning to look at jeno who sits peacefully on the single couch chair, laptop in his lap and a mug of coffee in his hands.
"you bothered?" chenle asks cheekily, jeno taking a sip of his coffee. "since i'm not really looking at you guys, it's not that bad," jeno shrugs, chenle giving donghyuck a smug look, ruined by the pillow that jeno throws at his head. "but the sounds?" jeno grimaces immediately. "kind of impressive how loud you can be just kissing but also extremely disgusting and it makes me want to hate gay people, specifically you two," jeno throws another pillow just because and chenle grumbles. he'd throw them both back if jeno wasn't holding his coffee above his laptop.
"look at the bright side!" jaemin comes out of nowhere with that slightly unnerving smile of his, plucking jeno's mug out of his hands and taking a sip. jeno doesn't even flinch. hm, best friend privileges, chenle thinks because if donghyuck did the same thing— god, they mag as well be getting dressed for his funeral. "at least they aren't having sex! and i don't just mean right now on the couch, i mean everywhere! i'm sure they'd save stuff like that for an empty house," jaemin takes another sip of jeno's coffee, then walks off and decides it's his. jeno just sighs and types something on his laptop, shutting it down seconds later.
"yeah, thank you for at least being considerate. these walls are only a little bit thicker than the walls of our last dorm," jeno doesn't even want to remember what he would hear at their last dorms through the walls, shivering just at the thought. chenle cackles against renjun, squeezing his hand gently. "poor jeno, the things you've heard in these dorms," chenle coos and if he were in arms reach, he'd be cradling jeno's head in his arms or pinching his cheeks raw. "jaem! bring jeno another cup of coffee, he needs it!" chenle yells out into the kitchen and jaemin hums, saying he'll be just a second.
"but i'm happy for you guys," donghyuck comes out of the kitchen with a bowl of leftovers and chopsticks, holding a water bottle between his bicep and his forearm. "relish in this moment because i'm never ever going to say again that seeing you guys in love is making me happy," donghyuck grumbles and takes a chopstick full of japchae into his mouth, humming at the taste. renjun laughs loudly at the statement,and says, "i'd throw a pillow at you to show my thanks if you weren't eating," renjun lovingly says because violence and insults are renjun's biggest love language, something they all learn the hard way growing up.
"yeah! you guys are cute and i'm also happy for you. even if nine out of ten times when chenle comes over i'll walk into you making out everywhere. or being sickly domestic. renjun, can i be your best man at your wedding?" jaemin hands jeno a mug full of coffee, jeno thanking him and taking a sip. "i'm renjun's best man, what are you talking about?" watching jaemin and donghyuck bicker first thing in the morning is entertaining, renjun and chenle watching as they argue over who would be renjun's best man at renjun and chenle's wedding. chenle pushes his nose into renjun's neck until he gets his attention.
"yes?" renjun whispers so they don't interrupt jaemin and donghyuck's argument. chenle kisses his cheek lovingly, heart eyes beaming at renjun as he says, "i'm thinking a garden wedding for us, bless jungwoo hyung's allergies. would you prefer italy or greece for our honeymoon?" chenle's answer comes in a kiss and chenle wouldn't have it any other way.