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Jay thinks he’s going to lose his head. It’s a very real possibility, and it’s not like it would be the first time, either. There’s a certain feeling that crawls up his spine whenever his eyes land on Sim Jaeyun. It’s not hatred—he wishes it was—but it’s something much more complicated. It’s more of a discomfort, steady and urgent every time he realizes that the other man is anywhere near him.
Plus, it doesn’t help that Jake is stupidly handsome. Even from across the library, Jay can make out his pretty smile and sparkling eyes. He’s helping Riki with something, leaning against the younger man who is sitting in a chair with a textbook open in front of him. His chest is against Riki’s back and his arms are caging him in, Jay wonders if he still wears the same ocean breeze cologne from when they were together, or if it’s too painful for him whenever he smells it. He wonders if it reminds him of Jay the same way that it reminds Jay of him. It was a beautiful blend of his natural alpha scent, and something a bit sweeter whenever he was around Jay. He doesn’t know if he could ever forget it.
And Jay would be lying if he said that he doesn’t miss it. There’s a lot of things he misses about Jake—about them. He misses having his alpha with him whenever he went out and having his alpha there for him whenever he came home. He misses scenting each other after they’ve had sex—despite the fact that they already reeked of each other—just because Jake knew how comforting Jay found it whenever he smelled like his alpha. He misses having an alpha, because the truth is, Jake isn’t his. Not anymore.
He really didn’t mean to do it. It’s not like Jay felt really secure in their relationship anyways. It had nothing to do with Jake, and more so had everything to with Jay. He was insecure, that much was obvious. He had opened up to Jake about it in the past, about not being good enough for somebody like him.
And that was the thing. Jake came from a lavish family full of alphas and omegas of the highest caliber. He was destined to do great things, to meet somebody great and to continue his father’s legacy.
Jay was the exact opposite. He was close to his family, close to his parents ever since he was a pup, but they were just…average. They didn’t have unimaginable amounts of money and they didn’t expect much of Jay, anyways. He’s always been just coasting, coasting through high school, through college. His parents couldn’t afford much, but he had worked hard enough to secure a full ride scholarship.
If there was one thing Jay was confident in, it was his intelligence and work ethic. If there was something that he wanted, he would push himself until he achieved it.
Unfortunately, intelligence and good work ethic wasn’t enough to make Jay a good omega. Jake had reassured him time and time again that his parents would love him, but when they actually met, that was the furthest thing from the truth.
The bottom line was, they didn’t think Jay was good enough for their son. He didn’t have a prestigious last name or a well known family. He didn’t have any assets to bring into their family. He was just…an average omega, and that was the worst thing he could be in a family like Jake’s.
So no, Jay really didn’t mean it when he saw the text message appear on Jake’s phone screen. His alpha was napping beside him, and Jay was using Jake’s phone to mindlessly scroll because his was in the charger.
The notification popped up at the top of the screen, and because they didn’t ever hide anything from each other, Jay didn’t think twice before reading over it. He honestly thought that it was one of their friends, especially because he knew that Jake and Sunghoon were planning to hang out later that evening.
It was Jake’s mom, asking him if he was finally done with that omega. Telling him that they had found somebody better and much more well-suited for him.
It sent Jay into a spiral, because the last thing he would ever want to do is rip Jake away from his family.
“You’re making that face again,” Sunghoon says, shoving at Jay to break him out of his stupor. They’re at a table of their own, Jay’s laptop is open to some long forgotten assignment that Sunghoon was supposed to be helping him with. Unfortunately, he got carried away with making out with Heeseung in one of the quiet rooms, and now they’re back with flushed cheeks and swollen lips. They both smell of arousal, their scents thick with it. It makes Jay flush in embarrassment because of the fact that they have no issue blatantly displaying it, and jealousy since he and Jake used to have no issue with that, either.
“What face?” Jay grumpily asks, rubbing a tired hand over his face to clear his expression into something much more neutral.
“That ugly face you make when you’re jealous because Jake isn’t paying attention to you,” Sunghoon says, causing Heeseung to snicker from beside him.
Jay’s cheeks heat up even further and then he’s shoving Sunghoon back. “I wasn’t staring at him.”
Sunghoon laughs like he thinks Jay is funny, which—he doesn’t. He never fails to tell Jay how unfunny he is. Ever.
“Do you constantly live in a state of denial because it’s fun?” Heeseung asks, voice genuinely curious like he actually believes the words coming out of his own mouth.
“Can you see the light so far up Sunghoon’s asshole?”
Before Heeseung or Sunghoon have the chance to reply, there’s a loud thud on their table. It makes Jay want to jump up and tell whoever it is disturbing them to fuck off, but his blood runs cold as soon as he meets eyes with the perpetrator. Jake’s scent overwhelms him, mixed slightly with Riki’s sweeter scent. A streak of jealousy runs through his veins, but he attempts to ignore it. It’s like he’s in high school again, heart beating too fast to keep up with and body a shaking, trembling mess. Except right now, it isn’t because of some teenage, juvenile crush. It’s because Jake is staring at him, with that stupid, cocky smirk on his face, and Jay doesn’t feel anything except for his earlier rage.
“Well, aren’t you gonna say hello?” He asks, voice smug as he takes a seat right next to Jay. He’s so close that their thighs are practically touching and it makes Jay want to vomit—except it doesn’t, not really. The heat of their skin being so close together is enough for him to want to throw all caution to the wind and crawl into Jake’s embrace. What he feels for Jake is complicated, that complication made much more confusing by the onslaught of their messy break up.
There’s tons of things that have been left unsaid between them, and surrounding those unsaid words is a jumble of mixed emotions. Jay wishes that he had an answer for half of what he feels, because sometimes he wants to forget that fact that they’re broken up and cuddle with Jake. And sometimes he remembers how he felt when he got his heart broken—which isn’t even Jake’s fault anyway—and wants to strangle him. Right now, with his fluffy hair falling in soft tufts over his forehead and his arms on display in a sleeveless shirt, with that stupid look on his face, Jay wants to kill him.
“No,” Jay deadpans, putting his laptop and the rest of his belongings into his backpack. Heeseung and Sunghoon have gone silent from beside him, watching their interaction with bated breaths. He knows that his usually floral, amber scent has turned bitter, like burning flower petals. He knows that everyone, including Jake, can smell the distress on him without an issue.
Jake pouts, his plush bottom lip jutting out cutely. “This isn’t how you’re supposed to treat someone you’re in love with.”
Jay bristles, snapping his head towards Jake and leveling him a look with narrowed eyes and a deep frown. “Stop saying that. We aren’t together anymore.” The words feel like glass shards leaving his mouth. He hates seeing Jake hurt and definitely hates being the one at fault for his hurt, but he sees no other way to get Jake to finally leave him alone.
The smile on Jake’s face doesn’t falter, probably because he’s used to Jay talking to him like that by now. They broke up almost a week ago, and Jake still hasn’t left Jay alone. He’s like a puppy, following Jay wherever he goes and telling him things like he loves him. Jay’s eyes wander down to Jake’s hands and sees that their matching couple ring is still sitting on his ring finger, almost looking like it never left. Jay’s own finger is bare, the ring long forgotten in the back of his nightstand.
“We’re not? I thought we were on a break,” Jake says, feigning cluelessness. He’s one of the smartest people Jay has ever met, yet he somehow becomes infinite amounts dumber whenever he’s around Jay.
“Is that not what a break up is?”
“A break up implies that we’re not compatible, which we are. That’s why we’re only on a break. Once you tell me why you’re mad at me, we can resume things as normal. I miss you,” Jake says, tone hopeful as he reaches out to touch Jay. However, the omega isn’t having any of it. He snatches his arm away before he can be burned by Jake, ignoring the look of hurt on his face.
There’s a number of things that Jay could say to Jake at this moment—I miss you too, I want to see you smile at me one last time, I love you—but he stays silent. He doesn’t feel like he has a choice, because even if he wants to be selfish and ask Jake for those things, he knows it would only hurt the alpha more. He can smell the spike in his scent now, tinged with confusion and distaste.
“I have class,” he says, unsure of why he’s even notifying Jake when they both know that it’s a lie. He has Jake’s schedule memorized the same way that Jake has his. They know each other like the back of their hands, it’s impossible not to after dating for so long. They were supposed to mate when they finally graduated college and then start a family together, and the thought of that, has Jay tearing up.
Everything good has always been snatched away from him before he could truly enjoy it, and their relationship was no different. They were always living on borrowed time, and Jay didn’t want to see the day where Jake got tired of him and his insecurities, where he finally deemed that Jay wasn’t everything he wanted and wouldn’t be a good mate.
“I love you,” Jake says, persistent as always. The words break Jay’s heart more than anything. Jake sounds sincere, genuine and sweet. He’s so sweet as he looks up at Jay with hopeful eyes, but Jay feels like he’s a destroyer of things, and what's one more thing ruined at his will? Even if that thing is the most important thing he’s ever had.
Even if he wants to reply, wants to let Jake know that he loves him too, he doesn’t. Replying will only make this whole thing harder. He ignores the spike in Jake’s scent that indicates his feelings have been hurt from the rejection and picks up his backpack, shrugging it on and all but running towards the door.
💛
“That was an asshole move at the library,” Heeseung says, laying back on Sunoo’s bed and popping a cookie in his mouth. He has an unconcerned look on his face as he scrolls through his phone, Jay has hardly even walked in the door.
“What happened at the library?” Jungwon asks. He’s on the bed next to Heeseung, except he’s running his hands through Sunoo’s hair softly, humming at the soft feeling between his fingers.
Jay tries not to roll his eyes at their open display of affection. He knows that Heeseung is probably texting Sunghoon, and Sunoo and Jungwon might as well fuck in front of them. He’s not sure what the purpose of an omega night is if they’re all loved up and talking to their significant others—despite the fact that Jay would probably be talking to Jake if they were still together, but he ignores that thought in favor of saving himself from having a breakdown in front of his friends.
So he’s tried to remain unbothered about his break up with Jake, and realistically, it’s not going well. Everywhere he goes and everything he does, it all just reminds him of the alpha. His scent is still swirling around in Jay’s sheets, his clothes are still mixed in with Jay’s laundry, and he’s been reluctant to wash anything. He couldn’t even bring himself to destroy their nest. It all smells so much like him—like them. His heart aches, even at the thought of it, and he subconsciously brings a hand up to his chest to rub at the sore spot.
Even now, he watches as Heeseung giggles lightly at something on his phone, cheeks tinted a pretty pink as his fingers work to text back. Jay’s phone burns a hole in his pocket. He knows that Jake has probably sent him a few messages today, just like he has everyday since their break up. His texts ranged from begging Jay to tell him what happened, to declaring his everlasting love for him. It was all a lot, and even if he wants to reply, he doesn’t. It feels weak and pathetic, but he cares too much about Jake to keep hurting him.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jay says, throwing his overnight bag to the floor and slumping down on Sunoo’s bed, too. He doesn’t mean too, but he lands on Heeseung, and the other omega turns off his phone in favor of holding Jay. It feels nice, and he allows Heeseung’s sweet cotton candy scent to surround him while his chest rattles with light purrs to soothe Jay’s omega.
He and Heeseung have a different type of bond, especially because they knew each other as kids. They were there to witness all of the awkward changes that the other went through, and who they’ve both become as a result of that. Heeseung has never failed to make him feel appreciated, understood, and heard. There was a time before Jake where Jay felt like the only person he could truly be himself with was Heeseung.
His hands are soft as he sifts them through Jay’s hair in a similar manner as Jungwon, releasing soothing pheromones. He must be able to tell through Jay’s scent just how distressed he is. Jay likes Heeseung because of his gentle nature and the way that he is always there to help, even without being asked to.
It makes Jay feel soft all over, and he melts into Heeseung’s embrace.
“He was really upset after you left. He kept asking Sunghoon what he did wrong—he noticed that you took off the ring,” Heeseung gently says. His tone isn’t accusing nor is it harsh, so Jay can’t even be mad that he’s talking about Jake anyways.
“So no one's gonna fill us in?” Sunoo asks, voice exasperated.
“It’s nothing—”
“Jake told Jay that he loved him, and Jay just…walked away,” Heeseung cuts him off, huffing out a breath when Jay slaps his chest. While what Heeseung is saying is true, Jay doesn’t want anyone else to know how ridiculous he’s being. And he really doesn’t want to hear more about how hurt Jake is. Even if they’re exes, even if Jake hates him, Jay knows that he’ll always be concerned about the alpha and his well being. There was something so heart wrenching about seeing Jake upset, despite the context or circumstances. Someone as caring and sweet as Jake simply doesn’t deserve to feel an ounce of sadness.
“Don’t you…love him?” Sunoo quietly asks. The way that his voice shakes, like he’s afraid of Jay’s reaction makes Jay feel terrible.
“Of course. He’s—he was my alpha. Those feelings don’t just go away.” He doesn’t know if the feelings will ever go away, but he doesn’t say that.
“Why did you guys break up anyway? I thought things were good,” Jungwon says, pulling Sunoo up on the bed so that they could cuddle the same way that Heeseung and Jay are.
“They were. I really don’t want to talk about it,” Jay mumbles, tightening his grip on Heeseung as he tries to search for comfort. His scent is amazing as always, but it’s not Jake’s, it’s not fresh and breezy like the ocean.
“Jay, we’re your friends. We just want to help and—well Jake doesn’t know why either. None of us do. It’s not healthy to keep everything bottled up,” Heeseung says, brushing Jay’s bangs back and out of his eyes. The action feels reminiscent of what Jake used to, right before he’d place a kiss on Jay’s forehead before they went to sleep.
“I feel like—it’s stupid. I miss him,” he says.
“It’s not stupid,” Sunoo says, nuzzling against Jay’s back. Jungwon gets in on their hug, and before they know it, they’re all scenting each other. Even if pack ideals were considered old fashioned and traditional, Jay knows that these people are his pack. They were always there for him when it mattered, and in addition to them was Sunghoon and Riki—and of course, Jake too. As much as it hurts, he doesn’t think that their pack could ever be completed without Jake—and Jay would never want it to be.
All of their scents intertwine and mingle into something that has grown familiar. It makes Jay feel tender and emotional and he feels things that he hasn’t let himself feel since the breakup. There’s an overwhelming feeling of despair, and then there’s the sadness and insecurity. There’s the memory of Jake begging him not to go, on his knees and holding Jay’s hands to keep him from leaving his dorm. He doesn’t want to think about the shiny gleam of tears in Jake’s eyes, or the way his nose and cheeks turned red as evidence of his sadness.
“You know you can always tell us. We won’t judge,” Heeseung softly says, his hot breath hitting Jay’s ear. Jungwon nods against Jay’s back, nuzzling his head further into the fabric of his T-shirt to do a more effective job of scenting him.
There are certain times where Jay doesn’t feel like he’s able to talk to anyone about how he’s feeling. He knows that the way he’s wired is different than anyone he knows, and he’s aware that they wouldn’t understand a thing about how his brain works. He also knows that they just want to help because they love him, and they love Jake, and they love them even more together. Jay thinks that maybe telling them would help, even if there’s some deep, insecure part about himself telling him that they wouldn’t understand—that no one does and he’s alone. He wants to ignore it as soon as he looks up at Heeseung’s face and meets his soft, patient eyes.
“Jake started talking about things in the future—like mating and stuff,” Jay mumbles. “I’m not good for him. He’s—he’s amazing. I’m—” he can’t finish his sentence, choking on his own tears as he does his best to suppress them to no avail.
“Jongseong, come on. You’re perfect for him,” Heeseung says, voice firm like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. “If he didn’t want you, he wouldn’t be reacting like this. I know that he’s been texting you everyday, too.”
Jay shrugs, trying to uselessly wipe at his tears before any of them truly notice just how much he’s crying. “I just told him that we’d be better off away from each other. I told him that I don’t see a future with him anymore,” he says, and the words coming out of his mouth make him feel terrible. He can’t believe that he would ever say something so mean to Jake, that he would intentionally make him feel rejected.
“Oh, Jay,” Heeseung says, rubbing his hand up and down Jay’s back. His touch is soothing and Jay is reminded of the sun and the smell of rain drying on pavement. He thinks back to the days with Heeseung, when they were kids and nothing mattered.
The first time they met was when they were both chubby toddlers, playing on the playground during recess. Jay had a lot of friends because he was quite extroverted and enjoyed talking to people, but Heeseung didn’t have many because he was the opposite. Even as a kid, Heeseung kept to himself and was quiet and reserved. Jay broke him out of his shell, and they’ve been best friends ever since. There is a particular comfort that comes with knowing that if he feels like he has nobody, he at least always knows he will have Heeseung.
However, as much as he loves Heeseung, Jay knows that he isn’t the one who will be able to make him feel better. None of them are. Who he wants is his alpha. There isn’t anything quite like the feeling of missing Jake, and Jay wouldn’t even want his worst enemy to feel what he’s feeling. He knows that there are probably easier ways to go about this, but the truth is—he genuinely thinks that Jake is better off without him.
“I don’t know if he’d even forgive me. I want to apologize to him, but…what if we’re really not good for each other?” Jay hates the way his voice sounds so meek, but he really doesn’t feel like he has a lot of energy to continue talking about this anymore.
“You guys are perfect for each other, we all know it-–” Heeseung says.
“You are being an idiot, Jay. Seriously,” Jungwon cuts him off. “I know you don’t like to admit it, but you’re the perfect omega. You can cook, you’re pretty, you’re sweet, any alpha would be lucky to have you. Jake is lucky to have you. I don’t know that he’d ever be able to find another omega quite as amazing as you. You are perfectly suited for each other.”
“And you should talk to him. It’s okay to have insecurities, but you can’t run away from him forever,” Sunoo says.
He knows that his friends want to help. They would never hurt him, he knows that, but there’s a guttural feeling deep within him. That nasty voice is telling him that they don’t understand.
“I said that I don’t want to talk about it,” Jay suddenly snaps, feeling like everyone surrounding him is too much. His voice comes out much more snippy than he ever intends it too, but he can’t take it back. He feels suffocated in their embraces, and he wants out. He doesn’t want to be forced to listen to how badly he’s screwed up when he already knows. So he pries himself out of Heeseung’s hold.
“Jay, come back,” Heeseung calls from the bed, soft and tender. It makes his skin crawl. All he does is make everyone around him miserable. He’s difficult to deal with and hard to understand, and he won’t drag anyone further down into his darkness.
He knows how important it is to be vulnerable and talk about his true feelings. He’s heard it a thousand times from everybody, but he feels weak, sitting in Sunoo’s room and crying about something that he’s at fault for. Jake isn’t the one making both of them miserable and he isn’t the one who’s being avoidant of their issues either.
Even if he had plans to stay the night with them, Jay picks up his bag and rushes out of the dorm. His heart is pounding in his ears, and he feels feral as his eyes roam the hallway ferociously. Their dorms are split by subgenders, and usually the smell of other omegas doesn’t bother Jay, but right now it all feels rotten. There’s too much going on and it feels like his senses have heightened. There are too many loud noises, too many unfamiliar scents, and it makes his head spin. He tries to ground himself, tries to think of anything, but it feels like nothing is working. He hears commotion behind him, but he doesn’t turn around as he jams his finger against the elevator button. It doesn’t come, so he does it again and again.
He all but pounds against the elevator button, continuously stabbing his finger against it in frustration.
“Jay,” Heeseung calls after him, grabbing his arm in a forceful grip. It triggers something deep inside him, something primal.
“Let go of me,” Jay snarls, bearing his teeth, unknowing of when he became so angry, but also unable to control it. His omega feels restless, urging him to tell Heeseung to fuck off so he can wallow by himself.
He can see it in Heeseung’s eyes, the other omega is completely surprised to be threatened in such a manner, and Jay doesn’t miss the hurt that flashes over his face.
“I want to help,” Heeseung says, trying to remain calm.
It sends Jay into a spiral, and it feels like he only sees red. He’s tired of always needing help, of Heeseung always rescuing him. He knows his scent is bitter, can tell by the way that Heeseung scrunches his nose up. There’s something ugly crawling up his throat, and as much as he wants to spare his best friend’s feelings, he can’t. Heeseung has always been the perfect one between the two of them. He’s soft and docile when he wants to be, but can stand his ground. He’s pretty and soft, with his glittering doe eyes and fluffy hair. His voice is sweet, his body is lithe, and he’s nurturing and gentle. Between the two of them, he’s adhered much more to the traditional omega stereotype than Jay ever has. He’s attracted the perfect mate, and in return, he is the perfect omega for his alpha.
Jay has tried to ignore the jealousy that’s been slowly brewing ever since he started to notice all of his shortcomings in comparison to Heeseung, but right now, it feels impossible. Heeseung is always there for him, and one day he’ll get tired of this, just like Jake. Jay thinks he’s well within his rights to expedite that process.
“I don’t need your help. I don’t need you. Perfect Heeseung, right? I’m not your charity case,” Jay says, voice low and offensive. He can’t see his face, but he’s sure that it’s twisted into something close to a grimace. He’s reminded of the fact that Heeseung’s grip is still tight around his arm, so without thinking, he rips it out of his best friend’s hold. “Don’t fucking touch me.”
“You’re hurt. You think I’m gonna leave? You think that you can drive me away? It’s not happening, Jongseong. I know you like the back of my hand,” Heeseung replies.
“You don’t fucking know me! None of you know a thing—you all think you’re so wise. Like–like I’m just broken and you’re all perfect in your fucking perfect little relationships, right?” He’s raising his voice, but it doesn’t seem to deter Heeseung.
“We care. We love you. Just come back inside,” Heeseung urges, hand going out to reach for Jay again, but thinking better of it.
“Where the fuck is this stupid elevator?!” Jay says, pushing the button again. He feels hysterical as he harshly slams against it again and again. Tears are falling freely out of his eyes, making his vision blurry. He feels Heeseung walk closer behind him, uncaring of Jay’s protests as he pulls him in for a hug.
He’s immediately surrounded by Heeseung’s sweet scent, infiltrating his nostrils and forcing him to calm down at least a little.
“You need to relax,” Heeseung mutters, voice soothing and sweet like honey. His hand comes up to Jay’s neck and pinches lightly at the skin there. He has an effect on Jay and with the pheromones he’s releasing, he’s able to subdue him in no time. Jay’s mind feels thick and sluggish in sweet sap as his body becomes languid. He doesn’t understand what’s happening, but all he can feel is Heeseung’s body beside him, pulling him into a warm embrace. Heeseung’s fingers tighten on the skin of his neck and Jay’s body starts to feel heavy as his eyes grow lidded.
There’s the ding of the elevator and Jay smells him before he sees him, but he knows that it’s Jake. The light smell of his scent, salty and breezy like the ocean washes over Jay like a tidal wave and before he knows it, his eyes are tearing up and he’s weeping into Heeseung’s chest. He’s unable to control his emotions and the rest of his body, clinging on to Heeseung like a baby.
“Is he okay?” Jake asks, voice filled with concern as he keeps his distance, but Jay can hear it in his tone. It’s shaky and wavering, like he’s teetering between the line of helping Jay and leaving him be. Jake’s freaking out nonetheless and his alpha must be restless too, seeing the omega he’s been courting for so long in such a state of distress.
“He’ll be fine,” Heeseung responds, hand coming up to brush through Jay’s hair softly. “He just needs a little space. Just give him time, Jake.”
Jay wishes that he could speak, wishes that he could tell Heeseung that he doesn’t need space. He needs his alpha to hold him, to tell him that they’ll be okay, even after everything. But he doesn’t need to say anything, because he and Jake have always been intertwined emotionally, and physically. Bonded even without a mating mark.
“He’s not okay. Move,” Jake says, voice a low growl as he moves closer to them. Jay can feel his presence so close to him, and he whimpers out, hoping that Heeseung will let him go.
“What are you even doing here? Do you think that your scent is going to help him? You need to leave,” Heeseung insists, tucking Jay closer into his chest.
“Heeseung, please. That’s my omega, do you think that I’m going to leave him here, like this? I can help him,” he says, persistent. This isn’t something silly, it’s not playful bickering, it’s an alpha demanding the chance to help his mate, his omega.
At the end of the day, perhaps that’s what they’ve always been destined to be. Ever since Jake approached him in high school and didn’t leave him alone until Jay had finally conceded to going on a date with him. Back then, it was insecurity and uncertainty. He had never been with an alpha before and he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be anywhere near good enough for somebody like Jake, but he had been selfish. He indulged.
He had allowed himself to indulge for too long.
His mind is telling him that he could never be fated to Jake. His body is telling him that he needs Jake’s arms around him, his scent invading his entire body, until they’re so close that they’ve molded into one. His heart is telling him that it’s love, that it’s fate, and yet, he chooses to ignore it.
How would Jake ever forgive him?
“He doesn’t want to see you,” Heeseung all but snarls, voice an octave lower as cradles Jay’s head. His words couldn’t be farther than the truth, and it has Jay crying out louder. He still can’t move because all of his limbs feel heavy, but he tries his best to hit against Heeseung’s chest. He doesn’t feel like himself, and his head is only clouded with thoughts of his alpha, his scent, his voice, and his body. There’s nothing more that Jay wants right now.
“Alpha,” he cries out, trying to push himself out of Heeseung’s arms.
“Jay—”
“Just—please let me scent him, and then I’ll leave him alone again. He needs me. I can’t leave him like this,” Jake says, tone much softer than earlier. It seems like he’s gotten his emotions a bit more under control, but his words are like a sharp stab to Jay’s chest.
I’ll leave him alone again.
Those five words just make him cry harder, and Heeseung must take it as a rejection to Jake’s offer. He tightens his hold around Jay, backing them away, but Jake isn’t one for rejections like this, especially if it involves Jay. The way he’s been persistent in talking to Jay throughout the past week is proof of that. He doesn’t let go easily, and he doesn’t take well to being told no, but Jay isn’t telling him no. There’s nothing more that he wants.
“Please,” Jake tries again. It’s enough to have Jay breaking free from Heeseung’s hold at the sound of it, at the honest and raw agony that intertwines between the cracks in Jake’s voice. His alpha must not expect it, but Jay is hurdling himself towards Jake, throwing his arms around his waist and burying his face in the juncture of Jake’s neck and shoulder.
He hears Heeseung sigh from behind him, but his scent doesn’t go away. He’s giving Jay this chance to make things right, to have what his body craves.
Jake is there like an anchor, scent softening and sweetening as he surrounds Jay in what can only be labeled as absolute comfort. One of his hands finds Jay’s hair and cradles his head gently. He feels Jake shifting until they’re turned away, likely to give them as much privacy as possible with Heeseung standing right there.
It’s comforting and familiar, the way that Jake has so easily embraced him. Jay wonders, for a split second, if he really deserves this. Is this forgiveness, or is Jake giving him one last moment before he’s gone for good?
He wishes he had the ability to say more, but the truth is that his mind is still hazy from Heeseung’s scruffing, and his body is still coated in that syrupy sweet thickness. He feels limp in Jake’s arms, doing nothing except nuzzling his face into Jake’s scent gland. There’s the deep rumble of Jake’s chest, an indicator that he’s so pleased with Jay being this close to him that he’s purring.
It reminds Jay of when they were together—when Jake would hold him close and purr loud enough that Jay would feel the vibrations within his own body. It was healing, soothing, and comforting. It’s exactly what he needs right now. He exhales shakily as he tries to pry himself closer to Jake, in between his bones and land himself right into the alpha’s heart. For all he knows, this could be the last time that he’d be allowed to get this close—this intimate.
“There you are, kitty. So good for your alpha,” Jake mutters, leaning down to bury his nose into Jay’s soft hair.
The words are so familiar—so reminiscent of their relationship. He thinks of all of the times that he had been good for Jake—whether it was when he was pliant in bed for him, or something else. The words hit hard. Even if it’s only been a week, he had missed the praise that always seemed to fall so effortlessly from Jake’s lips.
Regardless of his numerous thoughts, Jay can’t speak. His tongue feels too heavy in his mouth, but either way, he doesn’t know what he’d say. The only thing that he could utter was his desperate plea for his alpha—and he has him now, but things still aren’t different. They’re still broken up. Jay is still running, and Heeseung is standing right there, waiting for their moment to end.
And there it is—the reality to it all. Jay had ruined their relationship. Jake is just doing this out of the kindness of his heart—just because they had something once before.
“Tilt your head for me, baby. Let me scent you,” Jake whispers, his hot breath ghosting right next to Jay’s ear. It has his heart beating and butterflies fluttering in his core. He’ll give himself away if he isn’t careful—if he lets even a drop of slick pool between his legs. It’s Jake’s voice, his thick accent, his caring words, that even allow him to feel this aroused. It’s the fact that a week before, Jay would have had no problem begging Jake to fuck him if it meant getting to have him close—getting to feel his knot inside of him and hearing his breathy groans as he claimed Jay in the most intimate way possible.
He’s too caught up in his thoughts to even listen to Jake’s instructions, but the alpha pays him no mind. He brings his other hand up to Jay’s jaw and forcefully moves his head, making room for himself. He has direct access to Jay’s scent gland like this, and Jake wastes no time as he begins rubbing his face all on the sensitive skin.
Jay has always been sensitive in many, many ways, but especially on all of his scent glands. The feeling of something so intimate—something only reserved for him and Jake—was incredible. He had never let anyone outside of his pack scent him, but he had also never let anyone else scent him in places that only Jake has had access to, that was the difference. Jay had walls, and Jake had broken down all of them without a problem.
“You’re so pretty, Jongseongie. God, I miss you and your sweetness—”
“Enough,” Heeseung cuts in, stepping closer to them. “You’ll make it harder on him. He needs space.”
Jake doesn’t say anything, but he works harder to get more of his scent to stick to Jay’s skin. He’s shameless as he doesn’t let go, as he allows his tongue to dart out and lick at Jay’s sensitive gland. It proves that Jake is the only person who knows him well enough to be privy to the fact that Jay prefers to scent with saliva. He likes the feeling of Jake’s tongue on his scent glands, leaving a wet trail of him and his scent behind. Even if he loves the way that Jake rubs their cheeks together when they scent, or rubs his entire body on Jay’s, the best way to get his scent to stick is by licking him.
Just as Jay lets out a quiet moan, the door to Sunoo’s door emerges and the rest of the omegas pop out. Jay barely registers it, too focused on the wet feel of Jake’s tongue staking claim on his scent—and by association, his entire body.
Jay doesn’t really know what happens next. All he can register is that Jake is letting go, and his entire body screams in protest and agony. It’s by far the worst feeling he’s ever felt, being pulled away from his alpha.
He smells Sunoo and Jungwon’s scents, clouding around him. Usually, their scents would calm him down, make him feel less restless, but they have the opposite effect. His omega doesn’t want comfort if it isn’t from Jake.
Everything is blurry and his limbs are heavy as he tries to push himself towards his alpha, but they don’t let him. He hears Jake too, hears the sound of his voice as he talks to Heeseung, but he can’t make out the words. He tries to listen, but all he can hear is Heeseung telling Jake again to give him space and time.
And even if it’s the last thing that Jay wants, that voice in his head tells him that it’s what he deserves. He could never be a good omega for Jake. They’re better off this way, better without each other, even if it’s the most painful thing he’s ever had to do. Even if it breaks his heart more than what he thought was possible.
Amidst his blurry haze, Jay registers the fact that Jake’s scent is lingering, but the alpha is gone. He closes his eyes then, and allows himself to melt into Sunoo’s arms. Heeseung lets out a sigh as he herds them back into the dorm, shutting the door behind them and leading them over to the bed.
Jay feels the thick comforter beneath them, the softness of it bathed in all of their scents. Heeseung shifts so that he’s spooning Jay, and then he feels Sunoo come to his other side and Jungwon joining their huddle too. Heeseung shushes him, running his hands through Jay’s hair softly.
It’s only then that Jay realizes he’s sobbing, the feeling of hurt so deep that it physically makes him ache. His heart yearns for Jake, for the only person that has ever made him feel loved. But his mind convinces him that he could never deserve love, especially not Jake’s love.
It’s agony, raw and unfiltered, but it’s what’s best for them. Jay convinces himself that it will get better. Jake will find somebody better and he’ll please his parents. Jay will heal from this, even if it means being alone for the rest of his life.
The thought of that happening is enough to have Jay choking on his sobs, clinging to Heeseung tighter as he tries to force himself to fall asleep, to do something other than this. To feel something other than this. He’s been keeping it all in for so long, and he knows that the only person he should tell about it is Jake, but he can’t be the type of omega to make his alpha choose between him and his family, and he’s not entirely sure that Jake would pick him anyway.
“Heeseung, I’m sorry,” Jay cries, bottom lip shaking as he tries to form more words.
“I’m here. It’s okay. You’re okay,” Heeseung replies, attempting to calm him with his scent.
They’re the words that he wants to hear. They try to wedge themselves between his heart, trying to bandage the bleeding organ, but it’s not enough. It’s not the healing, soothing balm that he needs. It’s not the thick, breezy and salty scent of the ocean, washing over him like a calming wave.
It’s not Jake, and his body—his omega, knows that.
💛
The next few days pass like a blur. They’re going on two weeks of being broken up, and everything from Jake’s end has increased. Despite saying that he would leave Jay alone again, he texts Jay every day and night to say good morning and good night. He asks him if he’s eaten well and if he’s sleeping okay, but Jay never replies.
It all gets to be too much, so he mutes Jake’s contacts and turns off his phone, successfully cutting himself off from everyone that he cares about. He doesn’t want to hear them say that he’s stupid, that he’s ruining everything good in his life. He knows that he is, that he’s destroying the very thing that had kept him grounded for so long.
It’s becoming hard to convince himself that this—the pain and heartache—is what’s best. How could something that’s supposed to be better for him, only harm him further? How can pain even feel this terrible? How could he continue to pretend like pushing Jake away isn’t only making him more miserable.
Every time he wants to reach out, he reminds himself of the reality of their situation. Jake’s parents don’t want him, they would never accept him, so there’s no point. In the end, Jake would end up choosing his family, and Jay wouldn’t blame him. How could he? How could he be so selfish?
He knows that in a family like Jake’s, loyalty is everything. Jake is a good man—a family man. He wouldn't fight with them over an omega like Jay.
He’s been in an endless loop, thinking about Jake and about them, only to end up sad all over again. He hasn’t seen any of his friends since the sleepover, and the way that Jake had held him, had scented him, burns a picture behind his eyelids every time he tries to go to sleep. He’s restless—and he knows that he looks like a mess. He feels disgusting, especially because he hasn’t left his bed in a few days other than to go to the restroom.
Jay hates feeling bad for himself, but right now, he really feels complete pity. How had he allowed it to get this bad? Why didn’t he realize sooner? It’s the same rotation of questions that continuously bounce around in his brain. He wishes that he could put a stop to all of his restlessness, to his overthinking, but he can’t. He wonders about Jake.
He’s curious how Jake is doing, if he’s as miserable as Jay is. By the look of his text messages, he isn’t doing the best either. Jay feels guilty for that, too. He wonders if Jake can feel the dull ache so deep within his body, that he even makes his bones hurt. He wonders if Jake wants to move on, if he’s thinking about finally taking his parents up on their offer.
And unfortunately, Jay also wonders about the omega that Jake’s parents have chosen for him. Are they a girl or a boy? Are they pretty and delicate—with an irresistibly sweet scent? Are they polite and smart with the ability to cook delightful meals that would leave any alpha feeling proud to be mated to them? Would they look good next to Jake—as good as he does?
Even as he compares himself to some imaginary omega, Jay can’t help but to think that he’s all of those things; polite, smart and a good cook. Even if he wasn’t spoiled rotten growing up, his parents taught him what it meant to be a worthy omega. He had done everything he could for Jake and yet, it wasn’t enough for them. Was it even really fair to be torturing Jake like this—to ignore what both of their hearts wanted?
He doesn’t know. He can’t say definitively whether or not Jake would ever forgive—whether he would want him back. He can’t know how the alpha feels about them or if he’s realized that he’s better off courting someone else.
Jay turns on his side, pulling the blanket up and over his face to protect himself from the outside world as he cries. His head hurts and his throat is dried up from the lack of water, but somehow he still is able to cry. Even in the darkest moments, with hardly any food or water, Jay is still capable of wailing into his pillow. It hurts. He can’t stop regardless.
His body craves Jake. He craves the alpha to hold him, to kiss his lips and to rub his scent all along Jay’s sensitive glands. He knows what this is, can feel the shameful slick between his legs, the heat crawling up his spine and fogging up his mind. He knows this feeling too well—the feeling of preheat. His body aches more than it’s ever ached before. He had Jake there for his first heat at eighteen and every single one after that. He’s never spent it by himself.
Jay cries as he desperately ruts against his mattress, whimpering when he can’t feel any friction between his legs. The bed around him is surrounded in Jake clothes, and Jay really hadn’t realized it because he had done it subconsciously, but his omega nested, and he’s been too dazed to realize. Jake’s scent is surrounding him at all angles, and it only feels stronger now that his mind is in a foggy haze. Jay doesn’t have the energy to do anything more except mindlessly take one of Jake’s hoodies and shove it between his legs. He desperately grinds on it, tears falling down his face quicker as he moans Jake’s name.
He tries to close his eyes and imagine it—imagine the heat of Jake’s cock inside of him, filling him up so well as his alpha slowly grinds their bodies together. He wants to hear Jake’s voice—to hear him praise Jay, to promise a life together where they could have pups. He wants Jake’s release inside of him with the promise of a future that they both want.
Instead he’s here, empty and desperate for anything. It doesn’t take long for him to find his release, and when he does, he inhales deeply with the intention to suffocate himself in Jake’s scent. As much as he wants it to work—as much as he wants it to heal him—it doesn’t. When he orgasms, it’s unsatisfying and only leaves him wanting more, but he’s too tired to do anything more.
He can’t fall asleep, and he can’t make himself do that again, so he lays there, feeling sorry for himself as he hiccups sob after sob. He eyes his phone a few times, wanting to just reach out to Jake, but he doesn’t let himself. As if it’s fate, his phone rings, and despite his earlier reluctance, Jay grabs it like it’s his last breath of air. He knows deep down that it can’t be Jake, he already muted his contact, but he still holds a slight glimmer of hope.
It’s Heeseung. He takes too long to answer and the phone goes to voicemail, but Heeseung is calling again. He does feel bad for ignoring all of his friends for the past few days, and Heeseung isn’t really one to call. It must be important, so even though he’s covered in sweat and still has Jake’s hoodie stuck in between his legs, Jay picks up.
“Hello?” He manages to croak out, wincing at the sound of his raw voice that is a direct result of his failure to aid his scratchy throat.
“Hey, Jay? Did you just wake up?” Heeseung asks. He sounds like he’s outside and a little frantic.
Jay doesn’t want to explain his current state, so he lies, “Yeah. What’s up?”
“What’s up? Jay, I’ve been texting and calling you all day, so has everyone else,” Heeseung says, exasperated.
“Sorry, my phone was on silent,” Jay says, pulling it away from his ear and putting it on speaker in order to take a look at everything he’s missed. As soon as he sees it all, his heart drops. The messages from Heeseung are chaotic enough, and on top of that, there’s almost forty missed calls from all of his friends.
Just as his eyes find the date on his phone, Heeseung begins speaking again.
“Today is Jake’s project presentation. You said you wouldn’t miss it,” he says, but it sounds like he’s whispering into the phone speaker. Jay wonders if he’s already there—if Jake is near him. Nonetheless, Heeseung’s voice is still laced with irritation, like he can’t believe that Jay would forget. Jay can’t even believe that he forgot.
“Shit,” Jay says, hopping out of bed without a second thought.
He knows how hard Jake has been working to finish this project on time. His engineering classes were hard enough, but add on an interactive class that required them to build their own fully functioning vehicle, and tonight is the opportunity for Jake and his group to present all what they’ve been working on. Jay knows how important this is to Jake, and he knows that even though they’re broken up, he wouldn’t miss it for the world.
“You have twenty minutes until the presentations start.”
“I’ll see you soon,” he says, hanging up the phone and running to his bathroom. He chances himself a look in the mirror and winces when he’s met with his reflection. He doesn’t look great, the bags under his eyes are dark and his cheekbones are sunken in from the fact that he hasn’t eaten anything more than a few granola bars. He just looks tired, in general, and his hair is stuck to his forehead with sweat.
He runs a hand through it before he’s turning on the shower and getting in, not even waiting for the water to completely heat up. Jay quickly lathers the shampoo and washes his hair, wasting no time with any sluggish movements. As he showers, all he can think about is how Jake would feel if he looked into the crowd and didn’t see Jay. He used to excitedly talk about the day that he’d finally get to show Jay what they had built, and the thought of that not happening has him tearing up.
Truthfully, he doesn’t want to disappoint Jake more than he already has. He doesn’t know if he’d be able to live with himself. Plus, this would be a good step in the right direction towards friendship. They need to learn to coexist, especially because they’re still technically pack. Even if Jake finds a new omega, Jay will have to learn to live with it. That’s just the way things go.
He really, really, doesn’t want to think about that right now. Jay finishes his shower quickly and gets dressed. It might be a mistake, but he can’t help himself when he puts Jake’s shirt on, instantly comforting himself because of the alpha’s stubborn scent that has yet to fade away. He knows that (he hopes that) Jake will appreciate it. That it won’t make things even more weird between them.
Once Jay is finally ready, he leaves his dorm and makes the short walk over to the hall that the presentation is being held in. There’s a storm brewing, the sky is a nasty gray and it feels immensely humid as he steps outside. The wind rustles his hair and carries his scent, making him feel self conscious. He really hopes that he doesn’t smell like preheat, and that Jake’s shirt is doing a really great job of covering it up. His plan consists of greeting his friends, watching Jake present his work, maybe congratulating him, and getting the fuck out of there.
He can’t linger and he definitely can’t push how long he has until he’s in full blown heat. There’s a dull ache in his lower back and a thin gleam of sweat on his forehead, but Jay ignores it in favor of focusing on finding his friends. The room is packed full of people, and the different scents make him dizzy. He tries to stabilize himself as he scopes out Heeseung or Sunghoon in the large crowd. He doesn’t remember the last time he had a full meal or a little more than a bottle of water, and that’s certainly not helping him right now.
In all honesty, he should’ve taken some sort of suppressant to help keep all of this exhaustion at bay. Unfortunately, for once, he didn’t think that far ahead. Jay believes that he’ll be able to get through this—that he’s strong enough to push himself to do so.
The bright lights in the room hardly allow him to focus on any person’s face, but luckily enough, he sees Sunghoon stand and beckon him over. He lets out a breath of relief as he walks over to their table, which is almost full. Sunoo, Jungwon, Sunghoon and Heeseung are sitting there, and unfortunately, Riki is too. He looks all too happy to be here, to be important enough that Jake would invite him.
Thankfully, they left a seat open for him next to Heeseung, so he pulls out the chair and slumps down in it, taking the water that his best friend offers him and downing the entire thing. It’s probably extremely impolite in a place like this,where everyone—including his friends—are dressed in fancy button ups or dresses. Jay feels a little under dressed in Jake's old tee, but he also doesn’t really care for formality right now, not when there’s a million other things going through his brain.
“Wow. You look terrible,” Sunghoon nonchalantly says, sipping on his fluke of champagne. Jay’s eyes narrow, but before he has a chance to comment about how Sunghoon looks dumb in the color yellow, Heeseung is speaking to him.
“Are you doing okay?” He asks, voice low as if he doesn’t want anyone to hear them. Jay appreciates it, but he’s sure that everyone can hear anyway.
There is something sad about the way Heeseung asks, like he’s afraid that Jay is going to blow up on him again. Jay knows that, despite what his own insecurities might be trying to convince him of, Heeseung cares about him and he doesn’t see Jay as an inferior omega. He isn’t perfect, but he’s never claimed to be. He knows that everything comes from a place of care, not entitlement.
The realization that he’s been a shitty friend has tears threatening to well up in his eyes and dread clawing up his throat. He wants forgiveness, but he doesn’t know if he deserves it, not from Heeseung. Nonetheless, he doesn’t want to wait any longer to apologize.
“I’m sorry about what I said to you. You were just trying to help,” Jay whispers back, bottom lip wobbling. Heeseung must know that he’s talking about the last time they saw each other, because his eyes soften and he’s putting a hand on Jay’s shoulder.
“Oh, that’s okay, Jay. I know that you were just hurt. I forgive you,” Heeseung easily says, casting him a wide smile that Jay is one hundred and ten percent certain he’s undeserving of. “I’m worried about you though. Have you been taking care of yourself?”
Jay shrugs into himself as he avoids answering. For some reason, he’s overcome with a deep feeling of shame. What would everybody think if they knew that he was rotting at home—that he wasn’t properly taking care of himself. There’s no one else to blame for this except for himself, which is just the worst part of this whole thing.
Luckily, he’s saved by the start of the event. The lights dim and who Jay assumes to be Jake’s professor takes the stage. Heeseung shoots him a look that says their conversation isn’t over. Jay shrugs, focusing his attention on the speaker. His eyes roam, the professor’s droning turning into meaningless sound as he finds Jake’s eyes.
The alpha is already staring at him, lips quirked up into a small smile. He subtly waves, and the whole thing has Jay giddy despite the fact that he should ignore Jake. He lifts his hand and waves back, cheeks flushing in embarrassment for no apparent reason.
It’s weird, to be here for Jake and to see him again in person. If Jay puts everything aside, even for a second, it almost feels like they’re still together. It feels like nothing has happened and like after this, he’ll go home with Jake and they’ll spend his next heat together—maybe even synced up with Jake’s rut. The thought is tantalizing, so much so that Jay has to look away from Jake.
The lump in his throat only gets heavier. They’re not together. It’s unfair to have these thoughts about Jake, about their relationship. He’ll keep making things harder for himself and for Jake. Waving at him—even interacting with him—would lead to false hope. Jay can’t stand the thought of hurting Jake again and again. He just can’t.
Being the reason why Jake is hurt makes him nauseous. He doesn’t want to keep repeating this cycle and deluding himself that he could go back—that Jake would want him. He sees the way that Riki looks at him, the way he used to eagerly do whatever it was that Jake asked of him. They all thought that it was cute—Riki had a crush on Jake. Jay never thought that it was cute though, he loved Riki like he was a brother—but Jake was his alpha.
Maybe it had been something he had ignored before, but he feels it now. Jake waves at Riki the same way that he did Jay, and his stomach plummets. He’s sure that his scent must sour because Heeseung turns to look at him in worry, but he pays him no mind.
A lot of things are finally falling into place. Jake and Riki have been close for as long as he could remember, even through high school. He was a lot younger than them, but he had always found a way to cling to them, especially with the addition of Sunoo and Jungwon into their friend group. Jay thought it would be good for him to meet new people, to form new crushes, but it seems like that’s not what’s happened.
Jake takes the stage then, walking up the podium with his other group mates. Jay’s mind blanks at the sight of him, and he’s instantly relaxing for a second. Jake looks handsome as always, long hair flowing around his face and curving at his ear, his thick rimmed glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. If he could, Jay would push them up for him—used to love doing it when they were together because Jake was a little silly and wouldn’t realize and Jay was a little bit obsessed with him.
They do a good job presenting the vehicle that they’ve built, Jay is proud, but he just can’t stop thinking. As he listens to Jake's soft, velvety voice explaining everything their project is able to do and how they built each part, Jay can’t help but to let his eyes wander to Riki.
He knows exactly what type of family Riki comes from and how close they are to Jake’s. That was the reason they were so close with one another to begin with, because they were seeing each other at fancy dinners, charity events and generally just environments that teenagers would never be able to enjoy without a friend. Jay had never gone to any of them with Jake, mainly because he knew he didn’t fit in—but Riki was always there. He was a part of that world. As he thinks about it, he looks around the hall and tries to find Jake’s parents. He imagines that they would be here, sitting at a table of their own and watching their son finally start putting his foot into the engineering world, but they’re nowhere to be seen.
It doesn’t matter, because whether they’re here or not, it doesn’t change the fact that Jay knows. He’s realized that this entire time, the omega that they’ve wanted for Jake, that they thought was better than Jay, was Riki all along. Jake’s group is finally done presenting, and applause raptures throughout the room, but Jay can’t stand to stay for any longer. He feels a deep sense of betrayal—why didn’t Jake ever tell him? Is it because he thought that eventually, they would break up and then he’d go to Riki?
Jay lets out a breath of air, the heat suddenly increasing throughout his body. It feels like everything is caving in, like the room is spinning, and the world is moving, and he’s just stationary. How long is he going to be still like this? As the next group presents, the looming storm finally breaks, the sound of heavy raindrops hitting the ceiling is enough to break him out of his momentary stupor. At the same time that there’s a crack of lightning, Jay jumps out of his seat and rushes towards the door.
How couldn’t he have noticed that Jake and Riki were right there, together, this entire time, right under his nose. How could he ever delude himself into believing that Riki wasn’t a threat this entire time. He knows it now, the long glances, the way that they’ve been closer as a result of Jay and Jake’s break up. He doesn’t want to stay in the room any longer, suffocating himself. The air feels thick, and when he finally pushes the door open, he expects to be able to breathe again, but that’s not the case.
He can see from the windows that the rain is coming down hard, but his dorm isn’t too far. He’s willing to run through it, just to get away from this all. Just as he’s about to open the door and book it in the direction of his building, he’s overwhelmed by a familiar scent. It immediately relaxes his body, and he slowly lets go of the handle. He’s calmed by the salty breeze, inhaling it deeply. It doesn’t only calm him down, but it draws the deepest feelings of arousal. Jake has the effect on him, always has, but he’s much more privy to it when he’s in preheat.
He wants to let go, to fall into Jake’s embrace and never let go, but he can’t. In his mind, he sees Jake, and then he sees how good Riki looks standing right next to him. The perfect omega. Exactly what his parents want for him. Something Jay could never be.
“Jongseong, where are you going?” Jake asks, and the way that his voice wobbles like he’s about to cry is more than enough to break Jay out of his daze. Look at the mess he’s made, the web he’s spun and the hurt that he’s caused.
He can’t stand it, so Jay takes a deep breath and opens the door, immediately taking off towards his dorm. He wants to be in his nest, in his nest full of his and Jake’s scent mingled together, but without the alpha. He doesn’t know if he could let Jake in ever again. He doesn’t look back once, just keeps his eyes in front of him and runs as fast as he can when the ground is slick with rain and his vision is impaired from the bleary sky.
Each drop of water feels cold and wet on his back. It fills him with a deep sense of sadness and loss, and before he knows it, there are hot tears streaming down his face. His vision becomes even more blurred as he lets out an ugly sob. The truth is that his heart hurts, it hurts more than it ever has before. It used to beat for Jake, but now it only betrays Jay. His heart wants Jake, and his omega wants their alpha, but Jay cannot concede. He won’t.
He’s splashing through puddles and soaked head to toe, but he makes it. He swipes into the building and rushes towards the elevator, jamming his finger on the button as if that’ll make it come any quicker. He’s breathless, squeezing his eyes closed as he tries to contain anymore tears from falling. Everything feels so heavy, and he can’t escape the feeling no matter how far or fast he runs. He still smells Jake’s scent, still feels his presence. He thinks that he’s going insane.
“Jay.”
And the sound of Jake’s voice is enough to have Jay crying out, pressing the elevator button again and again, hoping that it’ll save him—that something will save him. He turns around, hoping that it’s his imagination and that Jake isn’t really standing there, but the alpha is. He’s soaking wet and breathless the same way that Jay is, eyes watery seemingly from tears.
They don’t say anything to each other, but they stare. They don’t break eye contact. They shiver from the fact that they’re both wet and the air conditioning is blowing cold air on to both of them. They don’t say anything—but they share this experience with one another. They feel the same wetness, the same feeling of fabric sticking on to their backs from the rain, the coldness that surrounds something that once used to be so warm.
Jay wants to fall. The elevator comes and he steps inside, but Jake does too. They’re so close, close enough that his scent washes over Jay again. Close enough that it sticks to his skin. Jay swallows thickly and closes his eyes. The elevator door closes from behind them, and he somewhat registers Jake pressing the button to his floor, but he can’t be sure.
He’s lost in the alpha—the way he smells, their proximity to one another. It’s like he’s in a trance, wanting to be closer as he leans in. Their lips are ghosting over one another, they’re right there, but then the lights go out and the elevator stops. It’s enough to pull Jay out of the trance, to remind him of where they are and what they’re doing. He jumps away from Jake and hits his back against the railing inside of the elevator, wincing in pain when he makes contact with it.
It hits him then. As a result of the storm, the power has gone out, and now he’s stuck inside of an elevator with Jake—the last person he wants to be stuck anywhere with. It has him momentarily freaking out, hyperventilating as he fans himself in an attempt to cool off. The clothes sticking to his skin throw him into overstimulation, paired with the thick scent of them and humidity that’s now clouding the elevator. His preheat is flaring up because of the pheromones that are permeating from Jake, and he’s sure that they’re supposed to be comforting, but they’re the farthest thing from comfort.
He can barely see a thing, but Jake pulls out his phone and shines the flashlight just as Jay starts to panic. For some reason, he starts crying, slouching down the wall of the elevator until he’s sitting on the ground. He brings his knees up and buries his head in them, crying into the already soaked denim of his jeans.
“Jay—”
“Don’t say a word,” Jay hisses, not even lifting his head to look at the alpha.
Jake lets out a sigh. It sounds defeated. He might hear a few sniffles coming from Jake’s direction too, but he can’t be sure—not over the sound of his own tears. He lifts his head slightly, trying to be subtle as he observes Jake.
The alpha presses the emergency button then, waiting for someone else to get on the line. It feels hopeful—they’ll be saved and then Jay can go back to avoiding Jake for the rest of his life. Jake can be happy with Riki. They all win.
An operator picks up, Jake explains that the power is out and there’s two people stuck in the elevator. The operator says that they’ll be able to assist them in thirty minutes to an hour, and that’s that. Jay wants to freak out, wants to let his anger get the best of him. He couldn’t be more irritated at the fact that he’s stuck in this small, dingy elevator for an hour with Jake. With the one person he’s never wanted more in his life, but cannot have.
“Why did you even follow me?” Jay asks, voice no more than a quiet croak. “You’re gonna get sick.”
Jake slumps down too, letting out another sigh as he stretches his legs in front of him and sits across from Jay. He’s put his phone between them so that the flashlight shines at the ceiling and they both have a little bit of light.
“Because I want you back. I’m still trying to figure out what I did and why you hate me,” Jake answers.
“I don’t hate you. That’s not fair,” Jay mumbles, heart aching.
Jake stares at him for a minute, but there’s nothing mean in his eyes. He looks confused, like he’s trying to figure out the puzzle that is Jay. He sees them soften as he takes in the state of Jay’s body, his face and his clothes. He’s sure that he looks like a mess.
“Don’t you realize how hurtful your actions are? I want to understand—”
“But you won’t be able to,” Jay cuts him off.
“But I can,” Jake says, sliding over so that he’s next to Jay. Close enough that they could be touching, but they’re not. “I want to understand. Do you really think that I’ll ever stop pursuing you? That there’ll be anyone better to replace you?”
Jay doesn’t want to believe his words, doesn’t even want to entertain them. Jake doesn’t seem to care. He takes Jay’s hand in his own, and squeezes it like it’s his lifeline.
“I will never stop fighting for you, Jay. I love you and nothing you can say or do will change that,” Jake says, voice so so sweet. His scent even burns sweeter, drifting over Jay in calming waves as Jake nuzzles his head against Jay’s shoulder. It’s a pack gesture, one that means family. In this case, it also means mates. Lovers. It’s too much for Jay, and he breaks down, crying into Jake’s hair as he attempts to nuzzle him as well.
“There’s my perfect omega, let it all out,” Jake whispers, momentarily stopping his actions so that he can pull Jay into him. Jay nuzzles into his alpha’s neck, crying into it as he rubs his face all over Jake’s scent gland. “I’ve been miserable without you. I can’t live without you. You give me life, even if you can sometimes be a little stupid and stubborn,” he teases, laughing lightly when Jay bites at his neck in retaliation and then immediately licks over it to soothe the jagged teeth marks.
Jake’s hand comes up to rub up and down at Jay’s side, a comforting gesture. He must know how hard this is for Jay, how hard it is to even let himself indulge in this. His mind hasn’t quieted, but his body has relaxed. He can breathe again, he can feel Jake next to him, inhaling and exhaling. He can almost hear his heartbeat, and when he moves so that his ear is laying right on Jake’s chest, he can. He hears the thuds, lets them lull him into something close to sleep. He doesn’t remember the last time that he felt this safe and content—doesn’t remember the last time that he allowed himself to relax this deeply.
Jake hums a low tune, softly singing to Jay. His voice is sweet and sincere, but Jay knows that he isn’t okay, no matter what front he tries to put up. The hums are a bit wobbly. He looks at him, watches as a tear slides down his face and lands on Jay’s cheek. It breaks Jay’s heart to see his alpha who was usually so filled with happiness and joy, so upset.
“When these doors open, I’m going to lose you again,” Jake solemnly says, like that’s what he expects and what he believes to be true. He sniffles then, leaning his head against the wall and looking towards the ceiling.
Jay squeezes his eyes closed, choking on his own tears. He hates it when Jake is right, hates that he’s right about this. There’s nothing left he can do except cry. He cries over their ruined relationship, cries over losing Jake and cries over not being good enough. He wishes that things were different, wishes that he was different.
He thinks that Jake must really care for him if he chased him through a storm to get here. If he’s still putting up with him after all of this time. He wonders how far he could take it, how far Jake would follow him, and finds that he doesn’t know if there is an end. Jake would never stop following him, would never stop fighting for him, that was the reality of this all. So what exactly are they doing? What is Jay doing?
Suddenly, as if their minds are running parallel next to each other, Jake shifts until he’s on his knees, looking at Jay who is still leaning against the wall.
“Tell me what I did, tell me how I can fix this. I can’t lose you, Jongseongie. You’re hurting too, I can feel it. Tell me what to do,” Jake begs, desperate as more tears stream from his face. His desperation, his sincerity, it makes everything worse.
Jay doesn’t even know what he’s doing. Doesn’t know why he can’t just tell Jake. It just feels like, when Jake realizes how insecure he is, he won’t ever want him again. It’s a strange battle—here he is begging for Jake’s attention, for his approval, when he’s the one who ended things between them. He did this. There is no one else to blame, and he certainly doesn’t want Jake to blame himself.
“You didn’t do anything,” Jay says, curling into himself in an attempt to feel smaller. He’s more than ashamed of his actions. He wonders when Jake will feel shame as well.
“Then tell me what to do. What do I have to do for you to take me back?” Jake asks, and Jay hears it before he sees it. He lifts his head to confirm and his heart shatters. Jake’s eyes are red and wet with tears that are streaming down his face at an unstoppable pace. It makes Jay’s own eyes water too, makes him regret ever leaving his dorm in the first place.
“I don’t know if there’s anything you can do,” Jay whispers.
“No, Jay. Please. Please don’t do this. Don’t hide from me. I’ll change anything that you want. Anything you don’t like about me—”
“You’re perfect, Jake. I would never ask you to change a thing,” Jay affirms, cutting him off in favor of stopping the spew of nonsense falling from those pretty lips. The last thing he would ever want is for Jake to change himself. To think that he’s not good enough for Jay, when it’s really the opposite way around.
“Then what is it?”
His resolve is cracking. He doesn’t want to hide from Jake anymore—has never had to do it before in his entire life. He should tell him. He should let Jake understand, because if he chooses his parents, then at least Jay would have a definitive answer. At least he could stop hoping that maybe there was a chance that Jake would ever choose him. They could both finally let go and go their separate ways, but he isn’t really sure if Jake even wants that anymore. He knows that it’s not what he wants for himself. He’s tired of running. So, so tired.
“Your parents want somebody better for you. They want Riki,” he finally says, closing his eyes again as the tears fall. “I could never be good enough for you. I can’t be what they want.”
Jake’s face scrunches up, obviously in distaste. “That’s what this is about? My parents?” He asks, voice incredulous. “Do you think that I want someone better? That I even believe that there’s somebody better out there for me? Fuck what my parents want, Jay. I haven’t talked to them in months.”
Now that’s not what Jay expected to hear. “What?”
“Why do you think they weren’t here tonight? And the Riki thing. You’re right, but I don’t want him, I want you. Riki’s like a little brother to me,” Jake says, voice full of conviction. “I would never want anyone over you. If it’s between you and my parents, I chose you, Jongseongie. I’ll always choose you.” Jake’s tears have stopped, but that doesn’t make him any less sincere with his words.
He can’t believe what he’s hearing. This is exactly what he wanted to avoid; Jake having to choose between Jay and his parents. It’s not only the fact that he was afraid of Jake not choosing him, but he was also afraid of what would happen if he did. He hasn’t talked to his parents in months, Jay can’t be okay with being the cause of that.
“They’re your parents, Jake.”
“And you’re my mate. It was always you. It will always be you,” Jake says, getting closer to Jay so that he could hold him. The feel of his hands around Jay’s waist are enough to have him melting into the embrace. He missed Jake’s touch so much and he’s so tired of denying himself of it.
But still, that voice in his brain is telling him that this is temporary, that eventually, his parents will wear him down and he will choose them.
“They’re right about me not being good enough! What do I have to offer you, Jake? There’s so many things that Riki has that I don’t. I’m not good enough,” Jay cries, holding his head in his hands. Jake brings him in for a hug, allowing him to cry into his alpha’s shoulder.
“I hate that they made you believe their bullshit. It’s not true. There’s no better mate for me, Jay. Our relationship isn’t transactional. You don’t need to give me anything except for your heart,” Jake says, a comforting hand running up and down Jay’s back.
“But what about Riki?”
Jake pulls away, holding Jay’s face in his soft hands. “There’s nothing between us at all. My parents don’t care about me finding happiness, Jay. They want to use me as a pawn in their business deals. That’s why they want Riki. Not because he’s a better omega than you, or anything else. If they cared about me, they’d see how happy you make me and how I already have the best omega by my side.”
Jay pulls him in for another hug, just because he wants to feel the alpha pressed close to him like a comforting blanket. He doesn’t say anything, but he’s still sniffling against Jake, still holding on to him like he’s his lifeline. He lets the words in, tries to allow himself to internalize them. Jake thinks he’s perfect. Jake still wants him. Shouldn’t that be the only thing that matters?
“I want to be good enough,” he mumbles.
“And you are. That’s why I love you, why I haven’t ever stopped loving you,” Jake responds. “I won’t let you think that you aren’t good enough for me. I don’t care where you come from, Jay. In all honesty, I prefer it. Your parents have been more of a family than mine ever were. You’ve been my family more than them. That’s why I’ll always pick you.”
The words really do mean a lot to Jay. They make his heart swell and they make him rethink everything. Jake is an adult and he can choose who he wants in his life, and in this moment—and hopefully many more to come—he’s choosing Jay. He doesn’t hesitate when he speaks, always so sure of what he wants. He doesn’t need to rethink or overthink a thing, not when it comes to Jay, that much is apparent. It does wonders for him, and wonders for his self esteem.
He thinks about Jungwon, Sunoo and Heeseung’s words. How they had said that he was a perfect omega and how he was everything Jake could ever want. He wonders if all of the times he’s watched Jake and Riki interact recently, it’s been through emotion tinted glasses. All along, there really was nothing romantic about their interactions. Jake would never do that to him. So maybe a lot of this has been in his own head, and now that he’s gotten the chance to tell his alpha, it can finally go away.
“I don’t want you to regret this, to regret choosing me,” Jay says, voice wobbling.
Jake scoffs. “I don’t want to lose you. I would never regret anything between us. I know what I want, baby. I know that it’s you,” he responds, and then he’s kissing Jay’s neck, right on his scent gland. It draws an immediate purr from Jay and he closes his eyes, holding on to Jake with a grip so tight that it most likely hurts.
This is what he missed. This closeness between them, the ability to literally get so close that it’s impossible to tell where one starts and the other ends. Jake knows him so well, that much is apparent when his tongue darts out to lick over Jay’s scent gland.
“You’re my omega, aren’t you?” Jake mumbles into his skin, hands clutching tighter around Jay’s waist.
He moans lightly, loving the way that Jake has so easily claimed him again. Like they never even broke up in the first place. He doesn’t need to think twice about his answer, when they’re like this, there’s only one correct response.
“I’m yours. Your omega,” Jay whispers, feeling the arousal mixed in with embarrassment flood him. His ears burn and so do his cheeks, but Jake doesn’t care. He continues to suck a mark into Jay’s neck, biting and nipping at the skin, swirling his tongue all over it and sucking so hard that it hurts. But Jay has never been opposed to a little bit of pain.
“Is that why you wore my shirt?”
The blush darkens and spreads all the way down to his neck. “I wore it because I missed you. I missed your scent,” Jay meekly answers, clinging on to Jake.
“And because you’re in preheat. Isn’t that right, kitty?” Jake whispers against his ear, like it’s a shared secret between the two of them. “I smelled you the second you walked into the room. An alpha always notices when their omega’s scent changes. Why didn’t you call me?”
Jay should have never expected to be able to hide his preheat from Jake. He wasn’t thinking when he left, which is why he inevitably forgot scent blockers. It doesn’t matter now, his alpha is in front of him, willing to take care of him. It’s all he’s ever wanted.
“I didn’t know if I was allowed to. I was trying to stay away,” Jay says, letting out a breath when Jake moves away from his neck and runs a thumb over the hickey he’s made.
When they’re face to face again, Jay can see the look on Jake’s face. There’s love and adoration, but there’s also concern and worry so deep that it makes Jay feel even more guilty. He hates disappointing his alpha, hates that they’ve fallen into this entire thing because of a lack of communication.
“You’re always allowed to call me, sweetheart. No matter if we’re together or not. If you’re hurting, let me heal you, let me take care of you,” Jake responds, cupping Jay’s face. His thumb runs over Jake’s bottom lip and he’s leaning in, closer and closer. Jay thinks they’re going to kiss, he’s ready for it, he wants it.
But then the lights come back on and the elevator is moving again. The sudden movement has them swaying a bit, but Jake stabilizes them. Jay watches as the numbers on the elevator tick up, and he wonders if when the doors open, everything will go back to how it was. He’ll go back to his self loathing misery and Jake will—
“I’m coming to your dorm with you.”
Jake will follow him. He’ll always follow.
💛
Things are a little awkward when they finally are able to get to Jay’s dorm. Their clothes are still slightly damp, so they both change—Jake takes something that he left here before their breakup and Jay bashfully pulls something directly from his nest. He’s embarrassed by the state that it’s in since everything is generally a mess. He hasn’t had the chance to do his laundry or clean his bed, but Jake doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, when they do eventually make it to his bed where his nest is still very much present, Jake takes the time to pull out a trash bag and throw away the countless water bottles and granola bar wrappers that Jay has allowed to accumulate on his bedside table.
“When was the last time you had a proper meal?” Jake asks, frowning at the wrapper in his hand. The granola bar wasn't even finished because Jay couldn’t stomach the entire thing at the time.
Jay shrugs, sitting on the bed shamefully. It’s a little embarrassing for his alpha to see how miserable he was, and how much he neglected caring for himself.
“You need to take better care of yourself, Jay,” Jake says seriously, pulling Jay up from the bed and leading him to the small kitchenette. He opens the fridge and frowns when he finds nothing except for water bottles and milk that’s likely gone bad. He goes for the cabinet next, pulling it open and finding two packs of ramyeon inside. Jake is wordless as he operates like he lives here—he might as well have since they used to spend a lot of time in Jay’s single. He fills the electric kettle with water and plugs it in, placing it on the small burner and allowing the water to boil.
Jake turns to Jay, who is leaning against the wall and watching the alpha. He thinks that he’s lucky to have Jake, who is so sweet, beautiful and kind. He wants to show his appreciation to his alpha. He wants to show how grateful he is for all of this.
“Jake?”
The aforementioned hums, coming to stand next to Jay. He wastes no time, pulling Jake in for a hug and nuzzling against his neck. “Thank you.”
Jake’s hands come up to wrap around his waist. He kisses Jay’s temple sweetly. “Why are you thanking me?”
Jay sighs in relief at the feeling of his soft lips. “You took me back.”
“Of course I took you back. You’re my omega, you never stopped being my omega,” Jake says, thumb coming up to wipe at the tear that falls from Jay’s eyes when he hears the words.
He feels emotional and soft—probably as a result of his preheat mixed with everything that’s been going on lately. He missed his alpha so much, and he’s glad to have him back. Jay just wishes that he would have communicated sooner, because it would have saved the both of them a lot of heartache.
“I feel stupid since I didn’t just tell you,” Jay mumbles, pulling his head out from Jake’s neck so that he can look directly at the alpha.
“Oh, sweetheart. That’s okay, but now you know that you can come and talk to me about everything, right?”
Jay nods and then they hug again, the softness of the embrace helps relax Jay even further. His omega is no longer going haywire, and he feels like he can enjoy Jake’s presence without feeling anything except for love towards his alpha.
After that, Jake is quick to finish cooking the ramyeon, serving it for the two of them, but making sure Jay eats first and eats until he’s satisfied. It’s cute, the way that Jake waits eagerly and then eventually starts feeding Jay himself. The ramyeon warms Jay from the inside out, and the bitter chill that had been clinging on to his skin finally settles when he finishes his dinner. Jake also takes care of washing the dishes and making sure that his dorm is somewhat semi-clean. He knows Jay, and he knows that he tries as hard as he can to always keep his space clean.
Although it makes his heart flutter, Jake—his alpha—taking care of him also makes him feel something else. Something that feels sticky and sweet, and very similar to arousal. The thought of anything sex related is enough to remind Jay that he’s still in preheat, and it’s like with everything finally calming down, his body recognizes it too.
He’s still sitting at his desk that they had used as their dinner table, watching Jake with his sleeves rolled up and hands wet from the dishes. The veins in his hands and arms are protruding, reminding Jay of just how strong Jake is. He thinks about all of the times he’s had those fingers inside of him, opening him up so carefully, making sure that it wouldn’t hurt. But at the same time, there were moments where those same gentle fingers—the same cautious hands, were wrapping around Jay’s throat and pressing down just hard enough that he couldn’t breathe. There was pleasure in pain, Jay would never deny that, but it’s not what he needs right now.
He needs reassurance that Jake truly has chosen him—reassurance that he was a good omega, whatever that even meant in regards to their relationship. He wants his alpha to love him, to make him feel loved and worthy of everything—worthy of love, in particular.
Jake finishes the dishes, Jay watches him as he uses a towel to dry his hands. He turns to Jay then and their eyes meet. They’ve never had to say too much to understand one another. Jake knows what he needs, he always knows. Jay does too—sees the molten in Jake’s eyes, the way he licks his lips. He knows everything about his alpha, knows what to look for to understand what he’s feeling and what he needs.
Jay feels it before he smells it. There’s a drop of sweat that slowly trails down his back. His entire body heats up—his face flushes all the way down to his neck and his ears burn wildly. There’s an unbearable arousal settling deep in his stomach, traveling in between his legs. He burns for Jake, he craves his alpha. His heat has hit him full force, and before he even has a chance to react, Jake is there, pulling him up from his chair and bringing their bodies close together.
“Jake…”
Jake’s hands move down to Jay’s ass, squeezing it and pulling him closer.
“Tell me that you want this. You’re in heat, let me help you,” Jake says, lips ghosting over Jay’s. They’re sharing the same breath, and the entire moment feels charged. He smells the arousal on Jake, smells the way that his alpha wants him too. It’s extremely gratifying after feeling like he wasn’t enough for two weeks. Only he has this effect on Jake. He’s the only one who can make Jake crazy like this.
“I want it…” Jay whimpers, desperately wanting Jake to lean in and finally kiss him. His alpha is always in tune with him, and he seems to realize exactly what it is that Jay wants. One of his hands comes up to cup at Jay’s face softly, thumb stroking over his lip before he’s pulling it down.
Jay lets him, he lets Jake do whatever he wants because they share a level of trust so deep that he would follow his alpha to the ends of the earth.
“You’re always so pretty for me, kitty,” Jake whispers, leaning in even closer. They’re so close that Jay can feel Jake everywhere. He can feel his half hard cock through their clothes, can feel the want radiating off of him in waves. Jake’s tongue darts out and licks across his lips and Jay can’t take it anymore.
When he crashes their lips together in a kiss, Jake groans out, instantly kissing back. Jay closes his eyes as he allows Jake to explore his mouth. They contrast so vastly in size that Jay feels like his entire mouth is being consumed by Jake’s. His lips are bigger and much more plush, staking their claim over his as the kiss becomes as intense as it is bruising.
Jake doesn’t wait any longer before he’s placing his strong hands under Jay’s thighs and picking him up. Jay moans lightly into the kiss, the thought of Jake’s strength more than arousing to him. His hands find the fluffy strands of hair on the back of Jake’s neck and he tangles his fingers in them, using them to pull his alpha’s face closer to him.
He carries Jay over to the bed before lightly setting him down, crawling over him and connecting their lips once again. It’s electrifying, the feeling and familiarity of doing this again with Jake. It’s not like Jay has been with anyone else—of course not—but he forgot just how amazing this felt.
Jake kisses him like they have all the time in the world. His lips move slowly, working on breaking Jay’s walls back down, but it doesn’t take much. He’s ready to let his alpha back in, to show him that there’s no one else that can make him feel like this. Jay can’t believe that he denied himself of this feeling for so long, and doesn’t want to ever imagine a life without Jake again.
He knows that by now, his scent is thick and pungent in the air surrounding them, making the room smell like flowers. It compliments Jake’s scent, salty and breezy like the ocean. Their scents match so well together, both fresh and clean in their own respects. The only difference lies in the fact that Jake’s is a little more musky, while Jay is on the sweeter side.
“Smells so good,” Jake mumbles against his lips, moving his head so that his face is deep in the crevice of Jay’s scent gland. “Sweet for me. Always so sweet,” he says, sounding drunk on the scents surrounding them.
That’s how Jake always got. If he ever got even a whiff of Jay’s scent, he was desperate to bury his face in his omega’s scent glands. A lot of the time, it was borderline indecent because he wanted to be where Jay’s scent was the strongest, which is inevitably, between his legs. Jay never had an issue with it—even if he enjoyed teasing Jake and making him beg for it. But, it’s obvious that Jay isn’t in control tonight. He wants to let go of all control, to allow himself to feel how deep their connection is.
It’s also been awhile, and he still is a bit cautious. Just because he and Jake are back together doesn’t mean that he’s feeling entirely secure. What if Jake isn’t attracted to him anymore? What if he finds something that’s changed—something that he doesn’t like? Jay doesn’t think that he’s changed within the past two weeks, but maybe Jake did. Maybe they can’t easily go back to how comfortable they were with each other before.
It’s difficult to be in heat and to be still having all of these thoughts. His body is desperate for Jake’s cock, for anything that he’s willing to give. His heart wants proximity with his alpha, wants to feel their connection running through his veins. His mind stops any of that from happening. He’s swarmed with thoughts and unlikely scenarios where Jake finds that he doesn’t want Jay anymore.
“Hey, I can hear you thinking,” Jake says, sitting up and away from Jay like he wants to give the omega some space to clear his mind. “What’s going on in that pretty head?”
Jay hesitates, but he promised his alpha to tell him anything. He promised not to let them drift apart ever again. “I’m just nervous and feeling a little shy. It’s been awhile,” he whispers, trying to close his legs. He can’t because of Jake’s body that is slotted between them.
Jake sighs, and it sounds a little like relief. “You’re so cute. It’s just me,” he says, a fond smile on his face as he toys with the hem of Jay’s shirt. “We don’t have to do anything if you’re not comfortable. If you’d rather spend your heat alone—”
“No,” Jay says, spreading his legs further and pulling Jake down by his shirt collar. “I don’t want to be alone.”
His alpha smiles, eyes glimmering with something that looks like adoration. Jay smiles too, he feels warm all over. He knows that sometimes Jake gets insecure too and needs a bit of reassurance, and Jay always is more than happy to reassure him. It’s the least he could do.
“I want you. Want my alpha,” he says, sighing when Jake connects their lips again. It’s a softer kiss with much less fervor, but it hits all the same. It doesn’t last as long as Jay would like it to, but when Jake pulls away he’s taking Jay’s shirt off. He feels those calloused palms running over his skin, over taut muscles and brushing over his nipples.
Jake brushes his lips over Jay’s before he’s kissing at his neck. His lips leave a feather trail from his scent gland all the way down to his sternum, where he works a dark hickey into the skin, so close to where Jay’s heart is. His hot tongue swirls in circles, teeth nipping at the spot and lips sucking the mark into place. Jay moans lightly, hands coming down to Jake’s hair and running his fingers through the strands.
He wants his alpha’s cock, wants it more than anything, but he also wants to go slow. Even if his omega is begging for Jake to just fuck him already, the rational part of Jay’s mind is saying that this is important. That they need this slow and timid reintroduction to one another.
“Do you know how much I missed you?” Jake asks, lips moving from the mark that he’s made over to one of Jay’s nipples. “Missed your pretty sounds, and your pretty face. I was so desperate for my omega.”
Jay swallows thickly at the words, feeling tears well up in his eyes. He has a hard time admitting things to Jake—things that would be normal for most couples, but he doesn’t want to hide anymore.
“Missed you too. Wanted you so bad,” he whimpers, gasping when Jake takes one of his nipples into his mouth. Jake’s hand comes up to Jay’s other nipple and brushes over it, causing shivers to abrupt all along Jay’s arms. He’s always been sensitive, but he’s especially sensitive to his alpha’s touch.
The rate of which he’s producing slick between his legs is more than normal because of his heat, and the smell is thick and sweet. It clouds the air between them, and when Jake switches to show some more attention to his other nipple, he finally moves his other hand south towards Jay’s pussy.
But right as he’s at the waistband of Jay’s pants, he stops. Jake pulls away from Jay and looks at his omega with dark eyes.
“I thought I could wait, but I want to taste you. Please let me. I need your slick, baby,” Jake begs, eyes going softer as he bats his eyelashes at Jay. It’s so Jake, and so stupid at the same time that Jay lets out a giggle.
“What’s so funny?” Jake pouts, bottom lip jutting out.
Jay smiles, pushing Jake’s fluffy bangs away from his forehead. “Nothing. You’re just cute.”
“Says you,” Jake responds, rolling his eyes fondly as he toys with the button of Jay’s pants. He’s still looking at him with that pleading look in his eyes.
“Of course you can taste me, puppy. You know I’d never deny you,” Jay whispers, spreading his legs to create more space at the same time that Jake eagerly unbuttons his jeans. He pulls them down and the feel of the denim sliding down Jay’s smooth legs makes him shiver.
And then Jake stares at him as he slowly unbuttons the buttons of his own shirt one by one. He does it slowly and teasingly, biting his lip seductively as he allows the shirt to fall from his shoulders and land on the ground. Jay admires Jake’s body—the hard planes of his abs, the darkness of his nipples and the happy trail that teasingly leads to the inside of his slacks.
He’s suddenly shy again, but Jake leaves close to no room for shyness. He soothes over Jay’s legs, leaving one last kiss on his lips before he’s moving down the bed and settling himself inside of Jay’s spread thighs.
Jay knows exactly what he looks like right now. He’s close to naked, every layer of clothing shedded off of his body except for his black lace panties. He knows that if the fabric wasn’t dark, there would be a circle of his slick apparent in the fabric—a clear sign of his arousal. He knows that Jake doesn’t need to see his arousal, not when he can already smell it in the air and feel it in the quiver of Jay’s thighs.
Jake admires his panties for a moment, tracing the lace frill around the waistband. His fingers take the elastic band and pull it away from Jay’s waist before letting go and allowing it to snap against his skin. Jay whimpers even though Jake technically hasn’t done anything, but again, he’s so incredibly sensitive, any touch is enough to send him into overdrive.
His alpha smirks cockily, leaning down and blowing air over Jay’s pussy. He doesn’t move the fabric when he licks a long stripe over Jay’s panties. Jay whines—he doesn’t want Jake to tease at all. It’s been too long and his heat is only getting worse from here.
“Jake—alpha. I need you,” Jay whines, sliding down the bed in an attempt to bring Jake’s attention to his cunt. He really wants him to get rid of the fabric separating them.
“Aww, look at you. So cute when you beg,” Jake teases. He pretends like he’s going to pull Jay’s panties down, only to let go of them and giggle when Jay starts to whine again. “Ask me nicely. Wanna see if you remember how to use your manners.”
Jay rolls his eyes, and purposely kicks Jake in the leg. “You’re so mean.”
“Just beg, Jongseongie.”
“No.”
Jake laughs, it’s so annoying but Jay is so in love with him. “Just say please once, and I’ll give you whatever you want.”
Jay can’t help it when he laughs too, fully relaxing into the sheets. This is the familiarity he’s so used to. They don’t need to take sex super seriously to enjoy it. They can bicker the whole time or shower each other with love and it’s all the same. At the end of the day, he’s going to be with Jake and they’re going to be together. He thinks that he would grant Jake whatever it is that he wants, even this.
“Please, stop teasing,” Jay says, making it as sweet as he can muster.
“Mmm, there’s my good omega,” Jake responds, making Jay flush all over. He has to admit, it feels good to be praised by Jake. The alpha is just so willing to give it to him for anything he does, and it never hurts to be told how much he means to Jake and how good he is. Especially after he had been swallowed by the darkness of his insecurities for so long.
Jake snaps him out of his trance when his hands are on Jay’s body again, slowly pulling his panties off and getting them out of the way. Before Jay has the chance to yell at Jake for throwing them someplace unknown, Jake is pulling him closer by the thighs, making sure that his legs rest on either one of Jake’s shoulders. He doesn’t waste a second, blowing cold air over Jay’s pussy and then fully diving in.
“Jake—” Jay is cut off by his own moan, closing his eyes and throwing his head back. The alpha laps at his slick like a man starved, opening his mouth wider to catch every single drop of it. It really feels like Jay is being consumed, the same way it had felt when they were kissing. His tongue hits deep inside of him, and at the same time, Jake brings a hand up to stimulate his clit.
Jay can’t do anything else except for moan, trying to keep his voice down lest the people in the dorm next to him report him to the resident assistant. They aren’t even supposed to be bringing other people into their dorms, he could technically get in a lot of trouble. But he doesn’t care, not when Jake is making him feel so good.
It’s almost pathetic how easy it is for Jay to approach his orgasm. It’s been a long time (two weeks…) since he felt this good, and it doesn’t even compare to the terrible rutting against his bed he had done earlier that day. Not only is he in his nest—the most comfortable spot an omega in heat could be in—but he’s got his alpha here with him. He doesn’t have to rely on the smell left behind by Jake’s clothes, no, he has the real thing right in front of him.
Jake stops what he’s doing, licking up a glob of Jay’s slick and moving so that his face is level with Jay’s. He knows exactly what Jake wants him to do—he wants him to open his mouth so that he can taste himself. Jay has never been opposed to it, isn’t opposed to it.
He doesn’t need to be told to open his mouth, and when he does it, Jake doesn’t hesitate to allow the slick mixed with his spit to land inside of Jay’s mouth. At the same time, one of his fingers slips between Jay’s folds, slipping inside and grabbing another scoop of his slick.
“Taste your sweetness, darling. Do you know how sweet you are?” Jake asks as he stuffs his finger inside of Jay’s mouth too. He speaks as if he’s in a trance, lazily fucking his finger in and out of his omega’s mouth.
Jay can’t respond verbally, but he nods. The sickening sweetness on his tongue is enough for him to produce more slick, entire body burning up as it anticipates and craves taking a knot. He knows that now he’s in the first wave of his heat, and he won’t be satiated until his alpha fucks him full of his come. He wants it. He wants it so bad.
Jake realizes too, eyes rolling to the back of his head as he inhales deeply. Jay’s scent is sitting in thick clouds around them, so much of it that it makes the alpha a little crazy.
He’s pulling his finger out of Jay’s mouth and moving back in between his legs. Instead of burying his tongue inside of Jay’s pussy again, Jake buries his face against it. Inhaling as deep as he possibly can.
“Smells so good. Such a good omega, Jay,” he mumbles, nuzzling his face against Jay’s core like he’s trying to scent it. Like he wants to permanently meld their scents together. Jay would never be opposed to that. He actually would love to smell Jake on him at all times, but as much as he would love it, he would love Jake’s cock inside of him so much more right now.
“Jake,” Jay moans, arching his back when Jake’s nose rubs over his clit. “Please, need your cock.”
“Do you?” Jake asks, still rubbing his face in between Jay’s legs. The omega knows that it must be wet and glimmering with his slick, and the thought of it is so hot. Just as he lifts his head to see his alpha, Jake’s eyes find Jay’s. He moves his face slightly so that the omega can get a good look at him, and the way his slick is dripping down Jake’s face.
Jay can’t reply. There’s something about seeing his alpha, in his bed, drenched in his slick that is so arousing. He doesn’t say anything at all, but he sits up at the same time that Jake moves to connect their lips. When they meet for a kiss, it’s wet and slippery, but it’s perfect. The taste and smell of Jay is in between them, now intertwined with Jake’s scent.
They kiss with absolute fervor, Jake’s tongue breaching Jay’s mouth once again. He tastes like them. It’s everywhere, surrounding them everywhere, and Jay just can’t get enough.
“Gonna scent you and then I’ll fuck you,” Jake says, breathless when he pulls away. Jay thinks that they’ve done enough scenting, but he doesn’t complain. His alpha lays him back down before he’s licking long stripes all along Jay’s neck, all the way down to his chest. Not only does he spend time licking his chest, but he also moves back down Jay’s body.
Jay seriously doesn’t know why Jake is using scenting as an excuse to eat him out again, but really he can’t exactly be opposed to it. Instead of going back to what he was doing before, Jake takes Jay’s clit into his mouth at the same time that he forces two fingers inside of him.
“Alpha,” Jay moans at the intrusion, gasping when Jake immediately begins moving his fingers in and out. Simultaneously, he lightly bites at Jay’s clit, interchanging between sucking and biting.
Jay’s really on the edge now, and he can feel his orgasm approaching him quicker once Jake’s fingers begin abusing his g-spot. He can’t help it when he begins moving his hips in order to meet Jake’s thrusts, hands coming down to pull at Jake’s hair and keep him there.
“Like that—there!” Jay cries, arching his back as reaches his peak. The feeling is overwhelming, especially because it’s the first good orgasm he’s had since their break up. It rushes over his body, tensing until it finally snaps like a rubber band and he lets go with a loud moan.
He squirts all over Jake’s face—riding his orgasm and gyrating his hips as his alpha groans against his folds. Jake pulls his fingers out slowly, being careful not to hurt him. Then he opens his mouth and licks at Jay’s release, humming at the taste of it.
It’s a little embarrassing that he squirted, but he knows that Jake doesn’t particularly mind, not when he enjoys it so much. Jay is breathless as he comes down from his high, but the sticky heat does not leave. He feels insatiable, and it’s all because he still needs his alpha’s knot.
“Jake,” Jay sobs, tears streaming down his face from the intensity of his orgasm as well as the fact that he’s now empty and pulsing.
“I know, baby. I’ll make it better,” Jake whispers, leaning down and kissing Jay. It’s sweet and tender this time, no need to rush what they have between them right now while Jay is coming back down.
Jay’s eyes are on Jake as his alpha quickly pulls off his slacks followed by his boxers quickly after. His cock slaps against his abdomen, leaving a pearlescent streak of precome. It almost has Jay drooling, he wishes he could get his mouth on Jake’s dick, but saves the thought for another day. He’s desperate for Jake’s knot right now, that’s the only thought clouding his mind.
Jake wraps a hand around his length, moaning softly at the stimulation. He strokes it slowly, thumbing at the glistening, red tip and using the precome to aid his slide. Jay follows the movements with his eyes, watching as Jake traces over the vein protruding from his cock. It sounds so slick, and a part of Jay wonders if Jake’s hands are still stained with his essence, if he’s using that to help him jerk off.
Although he could watch this all day, Jay begins to grow impatient. “Jake. I need you inside. Need your knot,” he whines, hand falling in between his legs and spreading his pussy lips.
Jake moans, slapping his heavy cock over Jay’s folds. The tip nudges at his clit, and Jay can’t help the loud gasp that slips from his lips.
“Please,” Jay begs, water lining his eyes once again, “Please put it in. Fuck me, alpha.”
“I will, sweetheart. I promise I will, just not yet,” Jake says, holding his cock in his hand and guiding it to Jay’s opening. It’s so close yet so far, threatening and teasing to push in, but pulling away at the last second. It’s the most frustrating thing that Jay has ever had to endure. He doesn’t want to be too whiny, but he can’t help it. His body needs this, why is Jake denying him of it?
Jake doesn’t speak as he leans over Jay and reaches into his bedside drawer. It’s apparent that he’s rummaging through it in search of something, but Jay doesn’t know what. For a second, he has a momentary panic that Jake is looking for condoms, but gets the thought out of his head almost instantly. He knows that they both prefer to do it without, so it only leaves him even more confused.
That is, until Jake pulls out exactly what he must have been looking for. He closes the drawer and eyes Jay. He pulls the omega’s left up from the bed, holding it softly. His other hand brings something towards it, and when he feels the cold metal hit his skin, Jay knows that it’s his side of their matching couples ring.
“Never again,” Jake mumbles quietly, almost desperately.
Jay knows what that tone means—his alpha needs his reassurance, needs him to promise.
“Never again,” Jay confirms. “I promise. I love you,” he finally says, feeling like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. Jake is filled with relief, smiling as he slides the ring down Jay’s finger.
“I love you too,” Jake breathes.
At the same time that the ring meets the hilt, the alpha finally thrusts in. His cock stretches Jay open beyond belief—and he can’t think or speak. He lets out a string of moans as Jake continues to breach him until he’s balls deep. He feels so full, full of life, full of Jake, full of everything. He never wants the feeling to cease.
“Alpha—oh,” Jay moans, closing his eyes as Jake begins moving his hips. His hands find Jay’s tiny waist, completely enclosing it within his large grip. He uses it as leverage to fuck Jay harder and faster, groaning everytime that he feels the tip kissing his omega’s cervix.
And amongst everything else, there is familiarity in sex with Jake, too. It’s the best feeling that Jay has ever felt in his entire life, and it’s perfect for them. Jake’s cock inside of him, hitting that special bundle of nerves while one of his hands plays with Jay’s clit in an attempt to get him to squirt again, is everything that Jay is familiar with. It’s what he loves about Jake—he can predict what his alpha is going to do, and even if he can’t, he always trusts him with everything. He knows that Jake cares about him so deeply and would rather die than to be the cause of anything bad happening to him.
To be honest, that’s the sexiest part about him—the lengths he would be willing to go to make sure that Jay is happy. The feeling is mutual, Jay thinks that he would burn the world down if it meant that Jake would have a smile on his face.
“You’re taking me so well. Does it feel good, Jay?” Jake breathlessly asks, right next to his ear. He uses his hot grip on Jay’s waist to continue fucking the omega down on his cock.
Jay’s eyes roll to the back of his skull and he really can’t answer. Jake is filling him up everything, taking his abilities to speak and think rationally and throwing them out of the window. He feels like he’s floating, so deep into Jake’s orbit as he feels all of the sensations happening to his body.
There’s the obvious drag of Jake’s cock against his walls, connecting them in the most intimate way possible. There’s also the feel of the soft sheets below him and the scent of Jake’s clothes around him in his comfortable nest. He can hear the bed creaking under their weight, the headboard hitting the wall with each thrust and their skin clapping together. Of course, in unison with all of that, there are Jay’s loud and breathless moans, too.
“Come on, answer the question, pretty boy,” Jake grunts, too desperate for Jay’s pussy to stop fucking him.
Jay moans at the nickname, moving his hips at the same rhythm of Jake’s before he actually starts to form words. “Feels good. Need your knot.”
Jake laughs, thumb rubbing at Jay’s clit. “Yeah, baby? Want my knot? How about you beg for it, show me those manners again,” he teases, showing Jay little to no mercy.
The omega can’t respond yet, his only response is the slick flowing out of his cunt even faster, if that’s even possible. He’s occupied with moaning, with basking in the feeling of Jake’s big cock stretching him open so well.
“I can’t,” Jay whines, crying when Jake actually does stop moving his hips in favor of teasing him.
“You can, and you will. Do it for your puppy,” Jake says, rolling his hips as if that would be any help to their situation, except, it actually is. It makes Jay miss the feeling of Jake moving inside of him, the feeling of him fucking Jay.
“Please knot me,” he mumbles, absolutely embarrassed and red faced.
“Oh, Jay. You’ve yelled at me louder than that,” Jake teases again, placing a kiss of encouragement on Jay’s lips.
“I want your knot,” he says, more confidently, but there’s still a crack in his voice. His bottom lip wobbles and Jake wipes away a tear that pathetically rolls down his face. “Please knot me.”
“Anything you want. Whatever you want,” Jake says, snapping his hips back into the previous pace. Jay likes the sound of that. Whatever he wants. He moans instantly, back arching when the tip of Jake’s cock hits his sweet spot.
Right now, what he wants is to feel Jake all the way inside of him, pussy stretched so far around his knot that he sees stars. Even the thought of it makes him salivate, makes him desperate for more. He’s not entirely sure that he can blame it on his heat, not when he can feel the want and the cravings so deeply inside of him.
Jake finds Jay’s hand, holding on to it so tightly that their rings clink together. It’s such a sweet gesture, so tender and heart warming. It’s so Jake, it’s his puppy holding him so that they can reach their climaxes together and feel it through every single pore in their bodies. Jay is close, can feel his orgasm looming on him just as he feels the telltale sign of Jake’s knot forming.
It’s right there, nudging against his folds with promise.
“Does kitty want my pups? Is that why you’re in heat, baby? Wanna get pregnant?” Jake taunts, sweat falling from his face as he plows Jay into the mattress.
Jay cries out at the words, moaning loudly as he squeezes his eyes shut. Truthfully, the thought of carrying Jake’s pups is more than enough to throw him over the line and have his orgasm coming over him in full force. It’s all he’s ever wanted since he’s met Jake, all they’ve ever wanted. Even if it’s not possible right now, the thought of it is still too enticing.
“I want it! Want your pups,” Jay admits, taking in the sound of Jake’s deep grunt when he finally pushes his knot past Jay’s folds. The pressure of it has Jay feeling like he’s drowning, and the feeling is unbelievable. He can’t believe that he had denied himself of this for two weeks, and denied himself of Jake for so long.
His knot is fully swollen when it’s forced inside of Jay. It has him arching his back and holding on to Jake’s hand in a tightening grip as his orgasm rushes over him. He curls his toes and stops breathing, tears escaping his eyes as he squirts so hard that it would’ve pushed Jake’s cock out if there wasn’t a knot.
The pressure and force of his orgasm has Jake moaning too, hips finally stilling as he finishes inside of Jay. His warm come floods Jay’s belly, causing him to groan in overstimulation. Jake shallowly moves his hips, breathing out quiet moans with each thrust until he’s fully satisfied.
After about a minute, he finally stops, shifting them so that they’re on their sides and spooning, skin to skin. None of Jake’s come is able to leak out, which has Jay purring in satisfaction. Jake feels the vibrations bloom across his body and follows suit. It soothes Jay’s omega at the same time that it calms him. They have their alpha back, there’s nothing to be stressed about anymore. He feels relief flood over him in waves, and lets out a deep sigh.
Jay is instantly hit with tiredness, but he knows that his body wants more and only hopes that his alpha can keep up.
For now though, he’ll bask in the fact that Jake is his. He gets to be held by the alpha every night, he gets to start a family with him. There’s so many things that Jay wants to do with Jake, so many things that he wants to explore. They’ve got a long future ahead of them, and he couldn’t be any more excited.
“Jake?”
His puppy hums, obviously very tired. Jay’s eyes glance over at the clock sitting on his bedside table. It’s well past Jake’s bedtime, and there’s a part of him that feels bad, but the feral, insatiable part of him says that Jake should wake up soon. That they’ve got a long night ahead of them.
“I love you,” Jay whispers, turning around slightly.
Jake sits up to the best of his ability with them still connected and leans down to plant a kiss on Jay’s lips. “I love you, too.”
And Jay, wholeheartedly, believes him.
💛