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It took two months.
Two months of holes in Dess’ hands and light around her. Two months of hugs and tears and late night TV, Dragon Blazers on the same console as five years ago, Noelle with a crush and college applications because she wasn’t a little girl anymore. Two months of calling Asriel every night, because he was all grown up too, just like Dess, and Dess woke up back in the darkness no matter how hard she tried to block it out.
There had been so many long talks with Kris, talks about things that neither of them could stomach telling anybody else yet. Because even though Kris was here for five years and Dess was there, they both took the weight of things they never should have had to and accepted the darkness. They were both a little broken, a lot more than they used to be, and they both had to live in the same tiny town that they did five years ago.
Dess waited at home for Noelle after school almost every day and took her to QC’s, paying for their lunch with money that her mom gave her. Sometimes Susie came, sometimes Susie was hanging out with Kris, and sometimes all three of the teenagers were there and Dess was babysitting just like she used to.
She’d had more slices of pie than she could count and had screamed at her mom approximately three times, all of her anger and grief aimed at the same person that it always was. It was too easy, especially when her mom was the reason she was here at all-- just like she was the reason Kris didn’t sleep, either.
She was gaining weight back so that her clothes didn’t hang off of her anymore and she’d lopped off her horrendously overgrown hair, but she still couldn’t touch her guitar or bat. She’d gone back to smoking with Burgerpants by the lake-- Pizzapants now, apparently-- because even though everything was different, it was nice to have something be the same.
Bratty and Catty weren’t friends anymore, calling themselves ‘Mortal Enemies,’ and the fact that no one would tell Dess what happened meant that it was yet another thing that fell apart when she left. Just because she was back didn’t mean they would be friends anymore, even though she was the whole reason they lost it.
Everything was impossibly hard, but finally, after two long months, her mom said she could go visit Asriel at college.
One instance of Dess screaming at her mom was incited by her previous refusal to let her ride the train out of Hometown, even though she was almost twenty one years old and the darkness was locked beneath the bunker. It started with the train, and then it watered into how Kris would also want to see him, and how her mom had fucked Kris up entirely. She didn’t really remember how it ended, just that she woke Noelle up and that only made her feel worse.
Her dad had been okay with it from the start, considering that this was Asriel they were talking about. He simply wanted constant updates, which was annoying but manageable. If they wanted her to live as an adult, then they needed to let her, he said-- from his hospital bed, because apparently, her dad was sick now.
Finally, she could go see Asriel.
The last thing she wanted was to be a burden to him. She’d been gone for so long, and she’d wondered for some time if he had some new best friends. Within a day of seeing him, she realized that wasn't true. He missed her as much as she missed him. He never stopped calling her his best friend. He didn’t let her call him every night because he felt obligated, but because he wanted to be there.
It was nervewracking, and she was constantly at war with herself over being too close with someone she hadn’t seen in five years, but he was still Asriel. Even if he looked more like Asgore than Toriel and he worked front desk in a music studio out in the city, he was her best friend. He answered her calls every night, half asleep as he was.
She hadn’t asked him to come home, though. He’d wanted to. He didn’t even want to leave seven weeks ago when he had to go back to school, but that wasn’t an option. Dess had been horrified out of her mind for him to leave, but she also knew that he had a whole life she wasn’t a part of anymore.
Asriel had a life to live, and Dess was trying to get back to life. Or a new life. Whatever she needed to do, really. Whatever would accept her.
For now, though, she could go hang out with her best friend-- finally.
She pulled out her old school backpack from her closet, still covered in the same pins and patches that she put on when she was fifteen. She tried not to look at it, instead moving to unplug her phone charger and grab her toothbrush. Toothpaste wasn’t needed, not when she could simply steal Asriel’s-- she used to be able to steal his toothbrush, too, but some things had probably changed.
She sloppily folded the clothes that hung off of her the least and pulled out an ancient pair of red converse. It was weird to know that her room had sat dormant for five years, waiting for her to come back as if she would simply be sixteen again, but it might have been worse if it was gone. The people closest to her hadn’t moved on, not like she would’ve assumed after five years. Her room was still there, just like her contact was still pinned in Noelle’s phone.
It was convenient, at the very least. Dess tried to pretend like that was all it meant to her.
She didn’t need very much, so it was only a moment before she tossed the backpack over her shoulder and turned to leave, more than ready to finally see her best friend again. He had a long weekend, so it was the perfect time.
Before she could leave her room, she caught her own eye in the mirror beside the door. She almost shattered it a few weeks ago, and she’d wondered more than a few times if it would have been better that way.
She looked… entirely unlike the person she thought she was. After five years of darkness, she had no idea who she was supposed to be, but it’d be helpful if she at least looked familiar. Instead she was too skinny, her t-shirt and shorts intentionally made to be baggy yet still swallowing her whole. Her hair was its old length, but she didn’t miss the gray hairs poking through the darkness. Eyes that were once brown had become gray and her eyes might as well have sunk into her skull.
She wasn’t sure how anyone around her looked at her and saw Dess, but apparently, they did. She wished that she knew what that really meant to them.
Asriel never cared either way, so she picked herself up and left her room. No matter who she was, Asriel was her best friend, always uncaring of perception despite his firmly solid identity. She couldn’t be envious, not when she’d been like that before, too.
Noelle and Susie’s voices rang out from the kitchen, off of school for some sort of minor holiday that Dess couldn’t remember. She lingered in the living room, smiling to herself at the sheer dorkiness they conveyed.
Dess liked Susie. Nevermind the fact that she was the hand she’d grabbed in the darkness, the first contact in five long years, she was pretty cool. She was strongwilled and brazen and dorky, but she was also sweet. She wasn’t as confident as she pretended to be, but it wasn’t all fake, either. She was really good for Noelle.
Susie… made Dess remember who she was supposed to be. Susie didn’t know her before, all she knew was whatever she’d heard about the missing girl of Hometown.
She’d called her cool.
It was stupid, and she didn’t need the opinion of a teenager to feel better about herself, but it was nice to have someone view her in that way. Someone who wasn’t clinging onto the past version of herself and who had seen the twisted things another version of her did, yet still perceived her the same way as everyone else used to.
If she hurt Noelle, she’d still kick her ass. For now, though, she was sweet.
Dess silently leaned against the doorway of the kitchen, raising her eyebrows at the way Noelle was holding a bowl of fruit right in front of her face, as if trying to hide the new color it had taken on. Susie seemed… a little oblivious, even though her face definitely wasn’t supposed to be that color, either. She didn’t know how Kris tolerated these two all the time.
“What’s going on in here?”
Noelle screamed and Susie jolted so hard that the bowl of fruit clattered to the ground, raspberries rolling in every direction. Noelle’s hands clasped over her mouth while Susie looked prepared to yell. It was exactly the type of embarrassment she’d always hoped to bestow upon her little sister, and it made a smile grow on her face.
“Just- uh- we were gonna make… raspberry tart…” Noelle’s voice lowered to its usual pitch as she realized the raspberries had gone all over the floor.
“Well. Guess that calls for another store run. Never a bad thing.”
Susie laughed, seeming to agree.
“Right! Yeah! Um…” Noelle scratched at the back of her head, sidestepping some of the raspberries as Susie stepped on one right behind her. “Oh! Are you leaving for the city?”
Noelle stood right before her, and Dess noticed for the hundredth time that she was so much taller than she used to be. They were almost the same height, now. She wasn’t sure if she would ever get used to it. Ignoring it, she put a hand on her head, right between her antlers.
“Sure am. Hey, next time, you should come with. Kris too, even. This time is all mine, though.”
Noelle smiled, “That would be fun. I haven’t visited him before, you should send photos.”
Right. Because, after Dess disappeared, their families fell apart. Toriel and Asgore divorced and Kris and Noelle stopped hanging out at all. It was one of the most jarring changes to learn, nearly as upsetting as her dad’s illness. It was another thing that her return didn’t seem to be able to simply mend, though Kris and Noelle were becoming friends again. Dess would have to make sure they all took a trip to visit Asriel, as long as he was okay with it.
“I sure will. I’ll be back in two days, so leave some tart for me.”
She looked up at Susie, who averted her gaze completely. She doubted there would be any tart left.
“Alright-y,” Noelle’s smile grew a little smaller, her eyes going to the floor instead of Dess’ face. “Text a bunch?”
Dess hated that everyone was so nervous for her to take a two hour train ride. She understood, she was sure that she did, but it didn’t make it any less miserable. Noelle was a little different, however.
She slung an arm over her shoulder and pulled her close, squeezing their heads close enough together for their antlers to knock.
“You know I will. And I’ll be back in two days, seriously. No big deal.”
Everything was a big deal after being gone for five years.
“Okay, okay. Yeah, you’re right.”
Noelle was the one to pull her into a proper hug, one which Dess reciprocated wholeheartedly. She’d hug her again once she got back.
“I love you, Elly. I’ll send you photos of the train ride, even.”
She giggled into her shoulder, “I don’t need photos of the train!”
“You’ll get photos of everything, even Asriel’s messy room.”
The laughter was a nice reprieve. Dess squeezed her arm, then her hand, and then she was walking out. She said a quick goodbye to Susie and pretended to look between them suspiciously, earning a sputter from them both, before she was out of the door.
Just as she'd prepared for, her mom was gardening. She looked up, whatever relaxation was on her face before immediately dissipating at the sight of Dess and her backpack.
Dess was trying to be… a little more forgiving. Just a little. She was trying to see her mom more as a person-- a very rigid, strict, impossible person-- than the imposing mayor. Some days, it didn’t work at all. Some days, she didn’t think her mom looked at her and saw Dess, either.
Four days ago her mom had sighed, put down her coffee, crossed her legs, and told Dess that she could ride the train to the city. Dess wasn’t sure how much time went by while she simply stared at her.
She’d wanted to give her an attitude or not acknowledge her at all, maybe make some sort of comment about how she didn’t need permission. She wasn’t a teenager anymore, though. She didn't want to act like a teenager, picking fights with her mom every time she got the chance. Instead, she’d thanked her, calling Asriel right in front of her to make plans with him. Dess didn't miss the surprise across her face.
(Really, she’d been so tired that it wasn’t worth it to get up for the call, but it was progress one way or another.)
In the end, she’d told her parents about the trip in a group text. She gushed about it to her dad and casually told her mom about the plans the next time she saw her. They both wanted an annoyingly frequent amount of check ins, which Dess had agreed to without much fuss. She’d already said bye to her dad for the weekend that morning, filled with excitement that she didn’t have the energy to exert.
“I’m off,” she said into the yard.
As a kid, she liked watching her mom garden. She’d run up beside her and stick her own bare hands in the mud, smiling when her mom couldn’t tamp down her own smile, no matter how hard she tried. It was the messiest she ever got, her obsession with order and rules coming to a head with her need for a nice looking yard. They could’ve paid someone to do it, but she always did it herself.
Her mom would wear clothes that she didn’t at all care about and gloves to keep the dirt from getting under her nails, but when Dess ran over, she’d have no choice but to get messy. She’d end up pushing her hair back with dirt-stained hands until it was turning brown like Dess’ own hair, or she’d accept the messiness if it meant she was wiping it off of Dess. She taught her how to plant flowers and vegetables and how often they all needed to be tended to. They put in the stones that people walked on to get to the front door, Dess placing each stone after her mom had made the space for it.
Seeing her mom garden was the most relaxed she ever saw her, and that always felt like pulling a weight off of her chest. With her backpack on her shoulder and Asriel waiting two hours away, she could manage a small smile.
“There’s dirt on your nose,” she said before her mom could respond.
Her nose wrinkled as she yanked off a glove to wipe it away. Dess’ smile split into something bigger, something more genuine, as she watched her mom inspect for dirt that wasn’t there. It was the first time she’d actually caught her gardening since coming back. A lot of the plants were different than she remembered, and she couldn’t help but wonder if it was painful to garden without her being a nag in her side all those years. She’d stopped joining her as she got older, as their relationship grew brittle, but it was still a thing they’d once shared.
“Very funny,” her mom said, pulling both gloves off and setting them in the dirt. “Asriel knows you’re leaving?”
“Of course he does.”
Dess was on the porch and her mom was on the path, but it felt like there was still a world between them. She picked at the empty space beneath her nails, peering at all of the plants in their extensive yard.
Her mom opened her mouth to speak, probably some sort of goodbye, but Dess always did have a problem with interrupting people.
“Was it painful?”
“Pardon?” Her mom’s head moved back in surprise.
Dess stepped off of the porch and played with the leaves of a stray bush, thriving the way they all were. Most of the plants had some sort of connection to winter, because of course they did; with the chilly air around them, it would be surprising to anyone else to see her mom gardening. She looked up at blue eyes, so much brighter than the gray that hers had become. In a way, they were more similar now than they used to be.
“Gardening. When I was gone. ‘Just curious.”
There were so many questions she could ask, none of which were polite. She wanted to know why Noelle thought she could ever find her and how her dad occupied himself when he didn’t have to worry about her getting into trouble. She wondered how long it took before her name was taken out of the gradebook at school and if they left an empty spot open for her at graduation. None of these were things she could simply ask these people, though, because as much as she’d gone through… it was painful for them, too.
This was her mom, though. Toriel used to tell Asriel that he could ask her whatever he wanted. Dess’ mom never said that, but it was the way moms worked.
Her mom dusted the dirt off of her t-shirt-- it was logoed with Dess’ hockey team from second grade-- as if it would really make a difference, a way to straighten herself out and prepare to answer. Dess didn’t always feel all that different from her.
“I started paying Asgore to do it a few years ago, yes. It wasn’t enjoyable anymore.”
Dess wrangled her hands together and kicked the toe of her converse into the ground, pushing at the rock that she’d placed there a million years ago.
“Even though I haven’t joined you since I was a little kid?”
“Yes, even though you stopped wanting to garden with me. That didn’t change anything, December.”
Not a lot of people called her December anymore. Not a lot of people ever did, not after the age of five. Dess barely felt like Dess, though, so she didn’t mind it the way she used to.
She looked up at her mom and smiled, ignoring the lump in her throat.
“Well, next time you’re going to, just tell me, okay? If I’m not too tired maybe I’ll help, or something. You picked a terrible day to do it, right when I finally get to go see Azzy.”
Her mom smiled, and Dess knew she’d gotten her point across. Unlike when she was a teenager, her mom didn’t scold her for having an attitude or being brash. Whether it was because so much time had passed or she finally realized this was just how Dess talked was beyond her, but it worked out regardless.
“I’ll let you know. You should get going so you don’t miss the train.”
Dess nodded, walking down the path. She stopped next to her mom, so unaccustomed to the idea of hugging her, and simply grabbed her hand.
“Will do. Love you. I'll see you in a few days.”
Blue eyes widened nearly imperceptibly, but Dess couldn’t bring herself to regret it. They’d fight again, but for now, this worked.
“I love you too, December. Please, be safe. Text me once you’re on the train and when you get there.”
“Yes ma’am,” she fake saluted.
She crossed the gate awfully quickly, unsure of how to continue navigating the conversation. She didn’t have to worry about it anymore, not when it was time to go visit Asriel. The train station was right at the edge of town, but Dess made it there quickly, thankfully without running into anyone who would trap her in conversation forever-- mainly Bratty, Catty, or Pizzapants.
She’d been on the train before. Of course she had. She was lucky enough to leave this tiny, pathetic town before getting tossed into the void for five years. They went to the zoo with the Dreemurrs and the aquarium with the Dreemurrs and she once got her mom to take her on that really long, boring, absolutely miserable work trip. She still doesn’t know why she took her; she thinks maybe that was when her mom stopped liking having her around.
Dess chuckled to herself. She knew that her mom regretted that way of thinking, at the very least. It was bitter and cold, but that was something that would never change, not even as her and her mom did. As cold as her mom was, Dess was hardly any better. Where her mom’s roughness became stern and demeaning, Dess’ became pushy and demanding. Her mom was able to be mayor because of her brazenness, and that was the same trait that meant people used to say that Dess’ antlers-- blue, like her mom’s-- were more like horns as she bulldozed her way through life.
People didn’t say that anymore, either. It was technically still true, truer than ever, even. She accidentally bulldozed her way into the Depths, and then she bulldozed around them in order to survive, and with Susie’s hand in hers and Kris’ real soul in the other she bulldozed her way out.
Her horns felt a lot more fragile now that she was actually back, though. Now that she had to learn what being Dess Holiday meant again, rather than simply living it in Hometown and losing it in the Depths.
Dess got on the train and watched her tiny town go past. She’d dreamed about leaving thousands of times, constantly talking about going to the city and getting away from everything. Never, ever, did she think she'd yearn to go back.
It wasn’t thrilling, but it wasn't scary, either. This wasn’t the deep dark. There was something nice about leaving, about running away from the place that pulled her beneath it for so long, but she knew she couldn’t leave permanently. Maybe someday, but not now. It was a place that she’d wanted more than anything to return to, believing it to merely be a fantasy-- believing those memories to be a fantasy, sometimes-- so she had to stay, at least for some time. If she was ever going to remember how to be Dess Holiday, it would be in Hometown.
Leaving to visit Asriel wasn't a bad thing, though. She put on her headphones and played the playlist Asriel made after she cried in the dead of night over missing out on so many new songs. It made a great backdrop for the woods passing her by, and then the various towns that popped up. She had plenty of opportunities to play on her phone, but all she found herself doing was sending people pictures of the view outside of the window and otherwise staring.
It was hard to make people understand why she’d want to look around at their mundanity when all she saw for five years was darkness. Her head no longer hurt and her eyes didn’t squint from the brightness, having adjusted after about a month of being back. The sun was still impossibly bright, but she’d rather have the lights on then let her brain remind her of what the dark looked like. She hoped Asriel’s roommates didn’t mind it when she stayed on their couch for the weekend.
Two hours went by faster than she thought, and before she knew it she was firing off a text to her parents that she’d arrived and a much less coherent text to Asriel. She barely had time to look up before realizing that he was already there, all but running toward her from across the train station.
No, he was definitely running. Dess slipped her phone into her pocket and grinned.
Before he left to go back to school they’d barely separated. He spent time with Kris and she spent time with Noelle, but he only had eight days at home before school continued, and Dess returned on the second day. She’d fallen asleep beside him-- in the hospital, on her couch, on his couch, in his room, and for one day after she’d mustered the courage to go in, her room-- nearly every day. His presence made everything so much easier, and although she only admitted it to Toriel over a slice of pie and a runny nose, she hadn’t been sure that she could survive once he left.
She survived. Just like she survived going into her room and having a serious talk with her mom and asking the doctors about her dad’s prognosis. Everything was hard, everything felt unbeatable, but she’d gotten through it all.
All of that was to say that this was technically only her second reunion with Asriel.
She was used to how he looked now, but it was still new. His glasses were black instead of gold and his style was infinitely better than it used to be. His teeth were a little more lopsided, like they were as kids, because he’d apparently gotten bad at wearing his retainer.
He had the same massive grin. She didn’t miss the tears in his eyes, and she wondered in the back of her mind if those would ever go away when he saw her.
Asriel pulled her into a hug that Dess reciprocated wholeheartedly, trying to squeeze him the way she used to be able to. She smiled into his shoulder and wondered if she’d ever stop crying when she reunited with him. It was hard to spend five years dreaming of something and then be normal about getting it over and over again.
He smelled like himself, like cinnamon and butter and everything that had always meant home. They probably looked crazy, hugging in the train station like they hadn’t seen each other in a lifetime.
“You smell like you,” Asriel said into her hair.
Dess laughed, big and loud, and suddenly she felt a little more like Dess. When she pulled away Asriel’s glasses were foggy but his smile was massive, and that was enough.
“I was just thinking the same thing. How do you have that smell when Toriel isn’t even here?”
He chuckled, and it sounded like how she felt. They fell into step beside each other as if it was the walk to highschool, steps matching each other’s wholeheartedly. Dess pretended that she knew where she was going and Asriel pointed vaguely for them to turn right.
“It’s in my bones, probably. How was the ride?”
“Fast. Not as many fields as I expected. I sent everyone a bajillion photos so they couldn't tell me I didn’t check in enough.”
Asriel laughed again, his eyes on her even as they walked. She looked forward, taking in the city around them as they left the train station. It wasn't the one with the aquarium or the zoo, and Dess couldn’t remember if it was where her mom had her work trip. Big brick buildings stood around them, indicating the college campus.
“I’m sure they’ll just text me if they think you’re taking too long. Why didn’t I get any photos?”
“You’ve taken this ride plenty of times, don’t be greedy.”
He laughed yet again, and Dess was officially at ease. Being next to Asriel made her feel light and like herself, whoever that was, but her fear of being a burden weighed heavy the last few nights. Yet, with his eyes on her and his teeth showing in the same smile she’d seen for years, she knew that he was as happy as her. They were still best friends.
They fell into easy conversation. He told her about class and she told him about her brief talk with her mom; naturally, he remembered the days where they’d garden together. She interrupted him continuously to ask about the structures around them-- the bench that looked like it was run over and the building with the grand staircase and the golden flowers surrounding the trees-- and he didn’t complain once.
This was everything she’d ever wanted. As kids they’d dream of going to school together. As teenagers they wanted to run away to the city together. In the Depths, Dess dreamed and dreamed and dreamed of being beside Asriel again, and here she was.
He explained that they’d go by his apartment first before going to get food somewhere. She’d try the dining hall at some point, but not tonight, not when they were in the city they always dreamed of. There was a place that he’d wanted to take her since the day he found it, apparently.
The idea of Asriel living a life she wasn’t there for was a little less daunting when she saw it all around her. He had a story for almost everything she asked for, making that life a little less unattainable.
Despite everything, Asriel was still her best friend.
They passed the dorm buildings he used to live in before getting an apartment, tracking down his exact window as he explained the layout of his rooms and the amount of times the fire alarms went off. He explained his two different roommates and how lucky he got to like them enough to live with them now.
Both of their voices grew a little thin as he talked about getting randomized roommates, considering that they always talked about rooming together. Nevermind the moronic gender rules that the college had or the fact that Dess wasn’t sure if she’d ever really been built for college for any other reason than to escape home, they were going to be roommates. They were supposed to be roommates.
Dess wasn’t going to mention it. She was happy beside Asriel, and that was good enough.
“I wished it was you.”
She really didn’t expect him to mention it. Asriel asked her questions a lot, but he didn’t bring up his emotions as much. She knew that he didn’t want to put it on her, but that only made it feel like she was more trapped outside of his life than she really was. She couldn’t know what his life was like if he omitted what was clearly such a big part of it. It would make her feel guilty, but she still wanted to know, just like he’d said it was okay if she explained the details of how she missed him.
It was understandable, but she wished there was a way to get him to bring it up. They couldn’t read each other's minds like they used to be able to.
She stared at him for a long moment, standing in the hallway three floors below his apartment.
“I’m glad they turned out to be good people, anyway.”
“I told Pizzapants I'd trade them all for you. I thought I’d get to a point where that wasn’t true anymore, but…”
The last thing she expected from Asriel an hour into seeing him was a sudden confession about the emotions he was so consistently scared to tell her. Dess stared at him, unmoving as the elevator doors opened.
She was still his best friend.
Every ounce of information affirming it filled her with relief, even though it had been two months of constant affirmations. Dess reached out to grab his hand right as the seriousness broke off his face, an awkward smile appearing. It was the same smile he wore in the photo of him squeezed beside her mom on Christmas when they were fourteen-- after she'd proclaimed to him that she hated her mom. It was unnatural and awkward and meant to comfort people.
“Sorry! I don’t mean to overwhelm you. It’s just hard not to think about when I’m bringing you here, you know? That’s why this means so much-”
Dess placed her palm over his mouth, the elevator doors officially shutting beside them.
“Shut up. I get it,” stepping back again, she dusted invisible makeup off of her shirt. “I like hearing it.”
He stared at her with the same green eyes as always, a small smile growing back on his big dumb face.
“Okay,” he whispered, pressing the button for the elevator without looking away.
“Now, let me see your apartment.”
He smiled, and she wondered how many other people got to see that smile.
They rode the elevator up to the third floor. Dess had never been in a college town before, nor a student housing building, but she could immediately feel the environment. Asriel’s whole floor smelled like fast food and weed and cheap, shitty perfume presumably intended to cover up the previous smells. She raised her eyebrows at him, but he didn’t even seem to notice the smell.
She followed him through the thin hallway and stopped at the door with the doormat covered in golden flowers. This time, Asriel did give her a sheepish smile.
“Hello?” He called out the moment they walked in, undoubtedly to announce her presence.
No one responded, and Asriel seemed entirely unphased.
This apartment did not smell like fast food or weed, and the first thing she saw was a cinnamon candle. She’d never been more sure that something was a Toriel purchase in her life. There was a small, vertical kitchen with a slightly bigger living room at the end, the walls essentially covered in doors. It was nothing like what she’d imagined every time she called Asriel, and she was suddenly relieved to have a visual.
There was a cork board on the wall covered in all sorts of photos. Some of them Dess had already seen. She walked right up to it and looked as Asriel made some sort of choked noise behind her.
Some of the photos didn’t have Asriel at all, whereas some of them were filled with him. She saw him with red cups in his hand and a suit and tie and nothing but a swimsuit as he jumped in a lake. There were a lot of photos of the two humans he lived with together, which made sense considering that they’d been friends before moving in. She smiled at a photo she’d seen of Asriel and the skeleton, the person who she’d have guessed was his new best friend, if he had one.
She turned back to him with a grin.
“Big fan of jumping into lakes?”
He laughed, taking her backpack right off her shoulder and setting it onto the couch.
“It was a total dare.”
“Would you do it again?”
“Well, only if I-” he blinked as he realized she wasn’t making fun of him anymore, instead trying to weasel her way into a new life. His face split with a grin, “If I was with the right people.”
“Guess I’ll have to make another trip up here, then. I like this, it’s fun. The whole place feels very… college-y.”
“I can’t imagine why.”
She kicked him, walking over to the only open door that she could tell had to be his room. On his bed was the blanket that used to live on his couch-- Dess had used it overnight more times than she could ever deign to remember. He had entirely new posters on the wall and the same laundry basket in the corner of the room.
“Wow. Clean.”
“Are you here to judge my apartment?”
“Would you expect anything less?”
Asriel took a moment to answer, but Dess was too busy looking at the photos on his dresser to think about it. There were photos from graduation, photos of him and Kris, him and his college friends, and even one photo of the two of them. Dess remembered when it was taken. She’d run away to the Dreemurr household after yet another fight with her mom and ended up falling asleep with Asriel playing video games. Kris, the little shit, took a photo of them slumped back to back, mouths open as they both snored.
“Of all the photos, this is the one you got printed?”
Asriel cleared his throat, and when Dess turned around, she saw his eyes full of tears. Her eyes widened and she nearly knocked over the photo as she realized he’d been tearing up behind her for a long moment.
“Sorry,” he chuckled wetly, wiping at his eyes and moving to sit on his bed.
All Dess could do was watch in shock from his dresser, her eyebrows folding together as she tried to remember what prompted the tears. She’d been completely in her own world, too busy dissecting Asriel’s new home bit by bit. She wanted to understand him. Yet, she didn’t want to be so busy in the surroundings that she missed out on Asriel right behind her.
Her thoughts were so scrambled, her brain was such a mess since coming back, that she couldn’t figure out what she’d said wrong.
“Shit, I’m sorry-”
“No, no, no, no,” Asriel said rapidly, falling backward on his bed. “You didn’t do anything. This is all me. I don’t know why I’m such a mess, I’m sorry.”
She tried to get her brain to catch up with the world around her and let herself fall onto his relatively uncomfortable mattress. Her shoulder ached a little from collapsing onto it, but she curled into a ball and stared at Asriel laying on his back. She grabbed the blanket from the corner and crumpled it into her arms. It smelled just a little like cinnamon.
“How often do I cry to you, Azzy?”
He looked at her stubbornly, eyes already drying up. He was always good at recovering from these things. When Dess cried, it was loud and explosive and didn’t stop for hours; it used to be a rare event, but those days had passed.
“You went through a severely traumatizing five years.”
A laugh escaped from her throat, sounding a lot more wet than she’d realized it would. She poked his arm, half-tempted to bite it like she would have five years ago.
“And your best friend disappeared without a trace for five years. We don’t need the trauma competition. I’m still here for you, too, dumbass. What caused that?”
He ran both hands down his face and sat up again, crossing his legs to turn to her properly. She was already comfortable, so there was no way in hell she was sitting up, but she could look at him just fine like this. The red blanket was soft beneath her skin as she ran a finger over the threading along the edges.
“I’ve dreamed of this. Seriously. I know we’ve dreamed of a lot of things that are happening now, but this is so… surreal. I wanted you here so bad, Dess. I wanted you to see my photos and tell me the kitchen was messy and laugh at the doormat that you could tell I picked out. I wanted you to notice that the candle is from home but that the soap is different because I’m not the one who buys the soap. I thought about what would happen if you met Papyrus or Frisk or Chara. I imagined you sitting in my living room, playing your guitar or recording me doing something stupid. And now you’re… here. And that’s all really embarrassing because I couldn’t stop thinking about it even though it's my daily life, but now it’s real, and I missed you so much.”
A single tear dripped out of Dess’ eye onto the blanket no matter how hard she tried to keep it in. She bit her cheek and squeezed her hands into the blanket, staring at her best friend and the five years she’d missed out on.
“I noticed that this blanket is from your couch,” she whispered.
“I always knew you would have. My posters are all new because I kept everything else at home.”
“I saw,” her voice cracked as she smiled. “I always dreamed of the past, and then I’d see our dreams of a life like this. And I’m really proud that you’ve made it.”
He laughed, both hands going over his eyes as she undoubtedly made him cry again. It was only fair.
“Don’t say things like that,” he said when he didn’t mean it at all. “I spent all of my time in this life wishing you were with me.”
It took a long moment before she could get words to leave her mouth, a lump filling her throat that she didn’t want to let out one hour into being in the city with Asriel.
“Surprise,” the word was barely a whisper.
Asriel laughed again, wiping her tears when she refused to move her hands out of the blanket. She scrunched her nose and tried to bite his hand, something in her healing as she remembered part of who Dess was when she was with Asriel. Last time she saw him things were so clogged up with the high emotions of her just returning, but this was so much more… normal. They were living life.
“We made it to the city,” she said as she realized it, officially dislodging the sob from her throat.
For the next while, she figured that she just had to accept that they would be two people who cried a lot. She forced herself to sit up halfway so she could lean into him in a pathetic attempt at a hug. It worked well enough for them. Unlike before, Kris wasn’t on the other side of the room, nor Toriel downstairs pretending she couldn't hear Dess crying.
When they both stopped crying, the sun was a little lower in the sky, and Dess’ phone buzzed repeatedly. They made eye contact as she realized she hadn’t checked in since getting off the train. She’d left in the afternoon because of Asriel’s classes, and the winter season meant that it got dark out early. They still hadn't eaten.
She pulled out her phone and raised it, opening the camera. Asriel groaned, but it was more of a laugh than exasperation. She snapped a horrible photo of them leaning against each other, faces wet and eyes red from crying. Their smiles were as real as they could ever be.
Dess didn't like photos of herself, not anymore, but it was different with Asriel. She didn’t realize that it was the first selfie she’d willingly taken since getting back, therefore naive to why more tears formed in Asriel's eyes. Her antler poked into his ear, but neither of them moved as she sent her dad the photo.
For a moment, she answered her texts. When she was done, she opened Instagram, looking at Catty’s story before taking to scrolling through her page. She and Asriel looked together, him filling in the context of photos while she zoomed in on them. They cried, and now they could be normal. She was in his apartment, just like they’d always dreamed of.
She grew tired of Catty’s feed and ended up letting her phone fall on the bed, collapsing fully onto Asriel. She was tired. Dess was always tired, lately.
“The guy who made Dragon Blazers made a new game a few years ago. Want to play?”
Dess rolled over so that she could look at Asriel again.
“Don’t you want to take me to that place?”
He laid back down, turning on his shoulder to look at her, “Yeah, but I can anytime while you’re here, not just dinner. I realized how tired you might be. We can still go, or we could order something.”
Dess smiled, scrunching her hand in the blanket again.
Often, she wished so hard that she never disappeared that it made her wish she could vanish all over again. She’d hold her eyes open when she was so tired that they would fall shut, closing her into darkness, and pretend that she was in her room five years ago. She’d scroll through her old texts with Asriel and laugh like they were brand new. She saw others around her struggle to adjust to her new presence and cry to herself, feeling as if everything would be so much easier if she truly disappeared that day.
At that moment, however, everything felt okay. It wasn’t perfect, not with tears drying in her ear and the suddenly overprotective parents in her phone. It didn’t need to be perfect, seeing as it never had been before. Yet, Asriel in front of her made everything feel really, truly okay. Like she would be okay.
“Yeah, show me that game. What’s good to order around here?”
Asriel’s smile only made her feel even better.
They ended up ordering Chinese food that Asriel swore upon, taking turns playing the game as they ate. He fussed over her a little more than she liked, but she’d gotten used to that from everyone. No one knew how to handle her in every scenario anymore, not even Asriel.
Dess didn’t remember when her eyes started falling shut as she stared at the screen of his gaming console. The light combined with Asriel’s presence meant that she could drift off in peace, something that happened so rarely. The last thing her mind registered was Asriel’s slow breathing beside her, shoulder to shoulder.
Somewhere, a door shut, and Dess was in darkness. It was clogging her lungs and dulling her senses. It was so painfully familiar that it made her feel nauseous, as if something had slammed into her stomach. Like a dodgeball in gym class. There was no hand coming to save her.
A different door slammed, and there were muffled words, something that sounded a little like scratching…
No, no, no, no no no-
“Dess?”
In a repeat of what happened every single night of Dess’ newfound life, she opened her eyes and sat up. Her mind was racing and her lungs felt full. There was no light. She was there, and then she came back, and now-
“Dess, dess, we’re in the city, it’s okay-”
Dess grabbed a shoulder without thinking, her other hand going over her mouth as she processed the light in the room. The lamp was on. There was light.
“Everything’s okay, Dess.”
Her breath came out as a sob as she looked beside her and saw Asriel, so much unlike how she’d remembered him all of those years. She didn’t wake up on her own, come to the realization on her own, and then call him.
He was with her.
Because she was home.
She refused to close her eyes, squeezing the hand that wasn’t gripping Asriel’s shoulder into her hair, tangling her fingers in it as if it would make it all better. She hated the dark. She hated shutting her eyes and entering darkness, but she couldn’t avoid it. She tried last month, and it didn't end well.
After a long moment of breathing she dislodged her hand from Asriel’s shoulder, trying her best to pat it gently in an apology for squeezing it into dust. Instead of letting her hand leave, he placed his own over it.
Asriel really cared about her. He was right beside her.
Azzy. Asriel. Dreemurr. Beside her.
She looked up at him, staring at her with concerned eyes. His door was shut when it hadn’t been before and his teeth were buried in his lip.
“The lights are on,” he murmured, an attempt at comfort.
“They always were,” she said for her own sanity.
He nodded wholeheartedly, squeezing her hand on his shoulder. She squeezed his shoulder in return, collapsing into his pillows.
“What time is it?”
“Just after midnight. We passed out.”
“Well, you had class all morning, and all I do is sleep.”
He smiled, but it didn’t reach anywhere close to his eyes.
“I’m sorry. Chara came back, but I didn’t notice you stirring at all, so I just shut the door and let it be. And then Papyrus came back. And, well…”
“That’s okay, Azzy. It happens regardless.”
His smile dissipated entirely.
“I don’t like that you go through that alone every night.”
She wanted to bury her face in the pillows, but that would equate to more darkness, so it wasn't an option. Instead she continued to stare into Asriel’s green eyes, so full of concern just for her. Similar to that one smile, she wondered who else saw this expression.
“I know. But there’s nothing to do about that.”
“I could just-”
“I’m not your responsibility, Azzy,” she said, harsher than she intended. “I get what you mean. But I won’t let you go to sleep expecting to hear me freaking out halfway through. I already wake you up, I won’t make you waking me up when you’re asleep your responsibility.”
“It’s not a responsibility.”
“And I don’t want it to become one. You’re already great, okay?”
He frowned, his hand following hers as she pulled it off of his shoulder. She wanted so badly to fold into his idea. It would be nice and it would make the whole process faster, just like tonight, but she couldn’t do that to him.
“I just…”
“You’re my best friend, too.”
His argument finally fell apart as he practically melted beside her, eyes softening.
“You never stopped being mine.”
He’d told her that before, and she’d never said that it still meant so much to her. He just knew. There were some things that, against all odds, he still knew. Not everything, not when there was simply so much to catch up on, but he never stopped being her best friend.
“And now I’m in your apartment.”
“You are,” his face broke out in that specific smile. “Do you want to get in pajamas?”
She sank further into the pillows, starfishing on the small bed, “My bag is so far and that’s so much work.”
“I’m getting your bag,” Asriel chuckled.
Dess smiled to herself as he opened his door again, all of his roommates seeming to have vanished in the late hour. She blinked, hands against her temples, and tried to drown out the darkness. Even shutting her eyes in a room with lights on was incomparable to what she’d been surrounded by for five years. She repeated the fact silently, grounding herself and sinking further into the center of Asriel’s bed.
“Tomorrow morning we could get waffles. It’s not QC’s, but it’s good in a different kinda way.”
“Waffles sound delicious.”
He tossed her backpack on the bed before digging in his own dresser. She figured it was her cue to actually get up and dig out the pajamas she’d brought. It was merely a pair of shorts to wear with her current t-shirt, but that was good enough. Asriel excused himself to change, so she hopped up to do the same thing.
There was no awkwardness or discussion about it. He took the bathroom, she took his room, opening his door when she was done. It was like they were still kids, like no time had passed at all.
She took a photo of the framed photo of her and Asriel, needing it easily accessible on her phone. She continued to thumb through the various photos, all usurping each other in the small space. There were a few simply laying there outside of frames, and she didn’t hesitate to lift them up and shuffle through them.
The top one was Asriel and Kris, sometime in the last year based on how Kris looked. They didn’t seem to want to take the photo at all, but that was typical. There was a slightly less recent one of Asriel, Pizzapants, Bratty, and Catty all at ICE-E’s, an empty space to the left of Asriel. She put that one down. Next was him and his dad by the lake, and then him and Papyrus in a tiny box-like dorm with massive smiles. At the bottom of the pile was an old photo, but she’d have to be a fool not to recognize herself.
She didn’t think she’d ever seen it before. It was taken in the church at home, certainly from the direction of the choir practice room. She was sitting by herself in the pews, hooves propped on the seats in front of her from where she was slouched. The sideways angle really showed off her bad posture. In one hand was a cup of juice, nearly spilling onto the black dress that her mom hated to see her wear. She must have been lost in thought, eyes staring forward and the rest of her face passive.
It was exactly who she’d been, and she couldn’t believe Asriel never showed her this photo. It was one of the things he had left of her after she vanished, she supposed. It was as Dess as it got.
“Oh, I forgot all those photos were there,” Asriel startled her, walking back in, changed into his pajamas.
Dess put the photos down, no longer prepared to make fun of him for having such a sentimental photo of her on his dresser. She couldn’t make fun of him, not really. If she had a photo of him to look at in the void, she would have cherished it.
“It’s sweet.”
He raised an eyebrow but otherwise ignored her sentimentality, likely blaming it on tiredness.
“I know we mentioned you sleeping on the couch, but I don’t care if you stay in here. Uh- not for any- just, like we used to. You know.”
Dess turned to look at him with raised brows and a smile. She knew exactly what he meant all along, and she was shockingly relieved at the offer. She hadn’t thought of it before, but this was much better than the couch.
“I do know. I’ll do that, then.”
He hummed a response as he plugged his phone in, evidently more tired than her. She never liked falling back asleep after waking up. Unfortunately, the sun was nowhere near rising, so she’d have to eventually.
“Wanna watch a movie on my laptop?”
She fell back onto the mattress, this time only on one side, and curled back into her ball.
“Something we’ve both seen?”
“Of course.”
Asriel didn’t expect her to fall right back asleep. He didn’t take long, but that made sense, and he knew better than to think she’d drift off that easily.
Dess still woke up with gasping breaths as the sun rose, but Asriel was right beside her. When he fell back asleep, she loaded up Cat Petterz 2 on his laptop.
This was… manageable. It made things feel okay-- tolerable. Good, even, when she was awake.
It made for a really good weekend. Dess met his roommates, the two humans saying minimal words and only being somewhat polite, but she didn’t mind that. She was intruding in their home, after all. Papyrus was absent, but it wasn’t as if Dess and Asriel hung around for long, anyway. They got their waffles.
He showed her the buildings his classes were in and they snuck into his first dorm building. She got a nice tour of the library, which she didn’t care about too much but liked hearing about from Asriel.
At one point, they ended up in a nice park, swinging on the swings like little kids again. Dess didn’t think she’d laughed so hard in five years, watching a twenty year old Asriel Dreemurr attempt to jump off the swing only to land on his ass. She dared to try, even with Asriel’s anxiety considering her considerably weakened muscles, but she still landed on her feet. She didn’t shut up about it all day.
They didn’t cry once, an impressive feat for them. Dess was well past being ashamed of crying, not when it happened everyday without fail, but it was nice to simply be happy for so long. They got close, particularly when she grabbed his arm outside of his first dorm building, apparently right where he cried to Toriel about wishing she was there. They made it out, though.
It was weird to know that she was mourned. It would have been so much worse if she wasn’t, if everyone had simply moved on, but there was still an amount of guilt for knowing that people cried over her. For Asriel and Noelle and Kris, her parents and the Dreemurrs, it wasn’t simply one painful day. It was constant reminders and a constant lack of reminders. While she was crying over them, trying to remember if they’d ever been real in the first place, they had to go on while she was gone. It was weird to know, and there would probably be stories she would never find out. Dess was strangely okay with that, even though she wanted to know some of them.
In the end, they cried outside the pizza place that Asriel had been telling her about for two months. Her second night back she absolutely could not get herself to shut her eyes and sleep, and Asriel had been the one beside her the whole time. He ended up talking about anything and nothing, half of which she didn’t even remember.
Although, she did remember him talking about the pizza place. The cool one with the punk music and the black walls and the cool decorations. They had massive pizza slices, needing two plates to fit on a single one, he’d said.
He was right, not just about the details, but about the fact that Dess would love it.
She had a whole conversation with the cashier before spending the waiting time looking at all of the decorations on the walls. In the end, it was Dess who cried on their way out, wishing she could have been the one to show the place to Asriel. It was her type of place, that much was for sure.
It made her feel so normal. With their massive pizza slices and the selfie that she voluntarily took for Noelle, she promised to bring her here like she was sixteen years old again, except this time she would keep the promise.
After leaving, she linked her arm with Asriel’s the way she used to when they walked through the woods by themselves and leaned her head on his shoulder, sniffling away the tears that she’d allowed to escape.
“I think this is the best day of my life.”
“Huh?”
She snorted at the genuine, unprepared reaction.
“My life now. It’s not the same as before, you know? And this is definitely the best day I’ve had since coming back.”
They pulled apart to look at each other, pausing on the sidewalk. It was the early evening on a Saturday, his only two jackets bundled around them since she’d foolishly forgotten to bring one. Dess thought of every other lonely night, every breakfast at the kitchen table or in her dad’s hospital room. There’d been late night TV at the Dreemurrs on their new flatscreen and afternoons at the lake with Kris. It was all the things she'd dreamed of for all of those years, and it felt unreal that it was now in her past and future.
Today, though…
It was something she never could have dreamed of.
It was warmth and cinnamon and Azzy’s soft jacket wrapped around her, usurping her in a way that was intended, unlike her own clothes. It was poking the toe of his boots with the toe of her own converse. It was the photo that he took of her while she took her first bite of the biggest pizza slice she’d seen in her entire life, the first photo of just Dess that she’d let anyone take. It was a whole day filled with her and Asriel’s conversations about anything and everything, with minimal tears and a lot of reminiscing and stories told of light and dark.
It was a day all to herself with her best friend, functioning in the real world, basking in the light of the world.
Naturally, it reminded her of days from long before. Jumping around town after school with a hockey stick or a guitar or a damp pizza box of ICE-E’s soggy, flimsy, shredded cheese covered pizza. It felt almost like smoking the weed she got from Pizzapants with Asriel when her mom went out of town or laying in his bed until Toriel threw her out before school the next day. It was kind of like passing notes between each other in class and grinning when Mr. Boom read them aloud. Spending the holidays together, sharing slices of pie on birthdays, never hesitating because this was her best friend…
Dess turned to him, to this new and grown up Asriel who was everything and nothing like the boy she remembered. He had the same smile and impossibly kind heart and he still awkwardly sputtered when he thought he’d made a mistake. He was still dorky and apparently he’d been in a fucking band, a fact that stung them both but also made her more proud than she thought she would ever be again.
Yet, he wore combat boots now. He was brave enough to buy his own pair. He worked a desk job and applied for internships. He was no longer too embarrassed by photos to display them proudly, and maybe losing her had something to do with that. He’d been in a math club for some time, but he won no awards. He went to parties without being forced and proudly introduced himself to people and didn’t cripple under pressure.
He’d grown up. They were in the city. Dess, too, had grown up, even if she was in the same clothes that no longer fit and she was ten steps behind. This wasn’t a day in Hometown where they ran around like kids. It was the life that she couldn’t formulate as a teenager, too clueless about what growing up would look like.
It was the life she wanted, right beside her best friend.
“That makes me really happy,” Asriel smiled the same way he’d been smiling since the day she met him.
For a moment, Dess thought about throwing caution to the wind and kissing him. She looked at his lips for half a second before going back to his eyes, turning away from the idea of doing something so much like Dess that it cancelled out.
She never did forget all the times Bratty would ask her if she even liked men, or anyone, for that matter. The only reason she didn’t agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment was because of a certain boy next door. She never said it, although she’d bulldozed her way through some comments that used to make Asriel red in the face, but nothing more ever needed to happen.
Nothing more needed to happen now, either. She didn’t want it to. Good day be damned, she was still an absolute disaster, and she would be for a long time. Asriel already did so much for her, and she liked doing all that she could for him. She didn’t need to throw a rift in that, not now. Not yet. She was Dess, she felt like Dess standing across from Asriel, but she’d grown up, too. She didn’t need to bulldoze her way through this. Besides, she had no idea how Asriel would feel about all of that, anyway.
Dess hugged him, burying her face in his shoulder and soaking in the pure magic that today had been. Asriel couldn’t have been surprised because he hugged her back instantly, and it almost felt like when they hugged in the street of Hometown after the darkness faded. When the sob that had been in her throat for five years dislodged and she shattered the way she hadn’t to Susie, or Kris, or the weird goat boy that looked like Asriel but wasn’t him. When her legs gave out and Asriel went down with her and made sure she didn’t actually break, just enough to be able to be put back together again.
Neither of their knees gave out, and she didn’t even cry. This was simply a hug with her best friend-- still her best friend, even after all these years.
The air was chilly as they made their way back to his apartment, mostly quiet except for pointing out a bat in the air or more golden flowers along the street. She still had a whole day left, and she couldn’t wait to see what happened. Exhaustion was closing in on her quickly, Asriel noticing when her shoes started scuffing against the ground, because of course he did.
Dess took one more photo as they entered his apartment, although she was nowhere to be found in it. She’d accepted photos a little more in the last day, but she still hated the reflection she saw. Instead, she took a photo of Asriel unlocking his door, standing atop the golden flower covered doormat. There was a small smile on his face for no reason at all.
He didn’t even notice, just like she never noticed he’d taken a photo of her in the church pews.
This time, when they walked in, the apartment was not empty. The skeleton from the photos was in the kitchen, making what smelled like spaghetti but absolutely did not look like it. Dess sideeyed Asriel the way she had countless times in her life, very aware of the way his shoulders slumped.
Papyrus turned around, a massive smile taking over his face. Dess had never met a skeleton-monster before, but she had a feeling that this man was unique no matter who he was with.
“Asriel! Welcome home!” He shouted, and Dess distantly remembered something about Asriel’s downstairs neighbors banging at their roof with a broomstick. “You must be Dess! I’ve heard so much about you!”
She decided that she liked this guy. He was Asriel’s first ever roommate, a sharp contrast to the human he had the following year-- she was proud to know that about him, now. Papyrus seemed like a good guy to push Asriel into things he’d be too afraid to do on his own. She’d heard a few stories about that exact thing happening.
“Oh, have you now?” She grinned wickedly, extending a hand to shake. “Hello, Papyrus.”
He shook her hand with a type of strength and enthusiasm that no one in Hometown had. It was the final nail in the coffin for Dess to really decide that she did like it here, not just the idea of it, and not just Asriel’s presence.
“Wow! She even has holes in her hands!”
For half a second, Dess’ eyes widened, and she wanted to snatch her hand away. Asriel started to say something in an entirely new voice, but with the smile on Papyrus’ face and the genuinity in the statement, Dess didn’t think it was needed.
No one was ever amazed by the holes straight through her palms. It made her smile.
“Don’t worry, Azzy. We’re kinda matching, eh?” She looked at the gaps between the bones of Papyrus’ forearms with a smile.
He dropped her hand to grab his arm, looking at it with curiosity before coming back with an even bigger smile.
“Of course Asriel’s friends match!”
Yeah, Dess liked Papyrus. They lingered in the kitchen for a bit longer, quick interactions taking place with Papyrus’ yelling and Asriel’s comments. It was a dynamic that Dess wasn’t a part of, one that she hadn’t watched Asriel create, but Papyrus was kind enough that it didn’t matter for now.
Stupidly, Asriel’s phone rang, and Dess realized how long it had been since she had to navigate a social situation on her own. Bratty and Catty were different because she could make fun of them for not being friends anymore. Pizzapants was different because… well. He was Pizzapants. Everyone else in town was the same as they always were.
Yet, as Asriel hurried to answer a call about the internship he’d applied for, apologizing profusely and popping into his room to shut the door, Dess found herself alone in the kitchen with Papyrus. He was still working on his poor attempt at spaghetti, so she didn’t bother starting awkward conversation.
She leaned against the counter and pulled out her phone, looking at the collection of photos from the day. Golden flowers, Asriel, her and Asriel, the walls of the pizza place, and her waffle.
“I get it now,” Papyrus shouted after thirty painful seconds.
He was still shouting, but it was… quieter. She didn’t think he could lower the volume of his voice. With Asriel a wall away, there was only one reason.
She put her phone down and crossed her arms, “You get what?”
Papyrus turned away from his spaghetti for the first time since they came in the door. His smile was unwavering, something in Dess’ chest relaxing. There was no need to worry about this. She wasn’t a person who ever worried about these things, and she didn’t want to start now, even if there were a million more things to worry about than before.
“You! You’re his best friend, of course! I see it!”
Dess didn’t like being surprised, but her eyebrows went up against her own will.
“And I can see how you’re so close to him, too. You seem like a good person for him.”
“Huh? Oh! Of course! That is… good to hear, actually! When Asriel told me you’d come back from the dead, I didn’t really believe it! But, now, I really see it!”
He was still talking quieter, even if his inflection hadn’t changed. Dess was trying to make sense of the words, of the thought process in Papyrus’ mind, but she was missing too much. She’d simply missed so much.
She laughed awkwardly, “I’m glad it’s still visible. I’m lucky he’s still my best friend, you know?”
“I do know! He really looks at you. Like how he tried and failed to look at the girl at this one party we went to. Did he tell you about that?”
Dess was officially really, terribly lost.
“Uh, no, I don’t think he did.”
“I didn’t think so! He tried to kiss this girl, but we ended up having to bring him home because he wouldn’t stop talking about you. It all makes sense now, I see it in the way he looks at you! Like, really, really looks.”
Dess swallowed, feeling as if she shouldn’t be hearing about this. She knew what Papyrus was talking about, in a way. She used to make fun of Asriel for it. It was the type of comments that made her unable to agree with Bratty regarding her not liking anyone in that way, because her chest always got a little loopy when she told Asriel he was staring at her like he wanted to kiss her. She was used to having green eyes on her, she didn’t know what she’d do without green eyes on her.
She hadn’t really thought about it since coming back. She’d thought about wanting to kiss him, just that once, but she didn’t think about what green eyes still lingering on her after five years meant.
“He’s actually always done that, believe it or not,” she tried to steer the conversation away from the story that Asriel had definitely not told her.
“I believe it! I could hear it when he talked about you!”
She chuckled quietly, “That’s…”
“Don’t worry!” Papyrus stopped her before she could finish coming up with an awkward reply. “I know. I simply figured it was a story worth telling! I don’t want Asriel to be too stupid on his own!”
He winked.
He knew exactly what he was doing. He absolutely was not clueless.
Dess laughed, and it was real this time. She put her hand on her forehead as her shoulders shook, processing the information that Papyrus had very intentionally given her.
It still wasn’t something that mattered yet, but it made her feel warm.
“Thanks, Papyrus. You’re a cool guy.”
“Hah! Of course I am!” His voice returned to its normal volume.
“By the way,” she leaned off of the counter to look over the lip of the pot. “What in the world are you doing?”
Asriel’s door opened, revealing a massive smile. It was like when he won the spelling bee or came home to find pie on the table. Looking at her, it softened into something else, something that Dess saw a million times a day.
She was now sure. That smile was just for her, and she couldn’t be luckier.
“I got the internship for next summer.”
If Asriel’s neighbors were pissed before, they surely got even more upset as Dess raised her arms and whooped, Papyrus shouting beside her. She and Papyrus ended up squeezing Asriel into a hug, her hole-filled hand and the gaps between Papyrus’ bones overlapping. Asriel’s smile was soft and shy at his accomplishment being celebrated, the way it always was, but it was his accomplishment all the same.
When Noelle texted her that night, she took the first photo of her, Asriel, and Papyrus. They were taking turns playing the original Dragon Blazers 2, having ordered food when Papyrus’ spaghetti failed.
Dess was on one side and Papyrus on the other, Asriel between them. Her legs were kicked over his lap and she alternated between leaning off the couch and leaning on him. Papyrus took up an awful lot of space for a skeleton, but she didn’t mind.
Things felt like they would be okay.
Tomorrow Dess would have to go home, but she'd continue calling Asriel at night and texting him throughout the day. She’d already decided to steal his jacket the way she used to, and she couldn’t wait to see Pizzapants’ reaction.
Soon enough, she’d come up here with Kris and Noelle, and they’d have a different type of amazing weekend.
So many things were still hard, and so many things would continue to be harder. Dess still had the phone number of a therapist sitting on her desk at home, and she was still consistently exhausted. Everything was far from fixed, only two months having passed since she came back from the dead, as Papyrus said.
This weekend made Dess feel like things could turn out okay, though. Like she didn’t have to bash her head into the wall when everything felt so huge around her.
She’d had a good day, and that simply meant more were coming. As her eyes grew heavy from her longest day in five months she looked up at Asriel, slumped into his arm, and found green eyes already on her.
He gave her that cheesy, soft smile, and she stuck her tongue out.
She was happy.