Chapter Text
JJ paces, anxiously chewing on her fingernail as she walks the length of her bathroom.
She was late.
Not late for work or for an appointment, she was late, late. Like your whole life is about to change, late. A little tiny parasite that will turn into a baby, late.
And not just a couple days late. The oh shit, she couldn’t remember her last period, late.
Late, late.
She was diligent about her birth control, she had to be. The type of relationship she was in, required her to be on birth control. And it wasn’t a relationship per se, it was an agreement between two people.
She was a sub, in a BDSM dynamic, and had been with her mistress for almost 2 years. She had met her mistress accidentally when she decided to get out of her comfort zone and join her best friend at a BDSM club. She wasn’t looking, she was just planning to be a supportive friend, when her mistress approached her. At first, she was quick to decline any sort of offer or invitation. But after she declined, her mistress stuck around and just talked with her. Answered all her weird and slightly invasive questions, and all around made her feel safe, and by the end of the night, she was getting her business card.
Emily Prentiss.
Emily fucking Prentiss.
Billionaire…CEO… absolute sex in heels.
She ran a tech company, that had its hands in everything from cell phones, to weapons. Government contracts, buildings with her name on them, one of the most powerful women in the country, was handing her a business card with her personal cell phone number.
At first, she was skeptical…
What most people know, because Emily is not ashamed of herself or her body is, she is intersex. She made that clear to JJ the first time they spoke at the club. It wasn’t that Emily had a penis that intimidated JJ, it was Emily as a whole. The card danced between her fingers for days before she pulled the trigger.
And most days she’s happy she did. Her mistress brings her so much pleasure it’s drives her to literal tears. She makes her feel so good, and full. She pulls her apart, just to put her back together. She destroys her before she nurses her back to reality. Emily shows her a side that most people never see. She’s gentle, and loving and soft; she makes JJ feel so seen, and so complete.
And that’s the problem with sleeping with someone for 2 years with no real emotional conversation. She had no idea what they were, if they were anything..
She knows how they started. It was a contractional agreement between two people. Emily was her Dom, her mistress. She rewarded her when she was good, and dished out punishment when she was a brat. She took her to unimaginable levels of pleasure, with just the right amount of pain. She brings her to tears the pleasure mingling with overstimulation that was so perfectly delicious. But it was the after that started changing things. After the scene, and during after care when Emily would wash her body, and take care of any and all areas of her body that felt raw or extra sensitive. It was the way Emily would brush her hair when her head was in her lap, or always order or even cook her favorite foods.
Most people didn’t know that Emily Prentiss could cook, but she knew.
It was the way Emily started keeping her favorite snacks, and texting her throughout the day to make sure she’s eaten and drank water. It was when Emily gave her a simple but symbolic necklace, she called it a day collar. A reminder of who she belonged to, even when she had a gun drawn and pointed at a dangerous serial killer.
It was the way Emily was always so careful, always pulling out and finishing on her back or stomach, until 6 months ago when the brunette started finishing inside of her. At first it took her by surprise, the blonde figuring she got caught up in the moment, but then it happened again, and again. And she wasn’t complaining, the feeling of Emily inside of her, filling her up, it was indescribable. She couldn’t come up with a reason on why she loved it, and why it turned her on so much, because if it was anyone else, the idea quite literally made her gag.
But it was Emily.. and she wanted all of her.
She was careful, she was diligent, and she may have missed one or two birth control pills..
Emily told her from the very beginning that birth control was not an option. She was to take it, everyday. Emily was even in the habit for almost a year of texting and reminding JJ to take her birth control pills. And then Emily started trusting the blonde or maybe it didn’t matter as much or she didn’t care or maybe Emily felt something more.
A light alarm sounds from her phone, pulling her out of her thoughts that had spiraled over the last 5 minutes.
She dismisses the alarm, and closes her eyes.
She felt her heart pound out of her chest while simultaneously sinking into her stomach.
She was IN LOVE with Emily. In a perfect world, she would be over the moon with the idea of being pregnant with Emily’s baby. She would run to target and put together a cheesy basket, with a mom coffee cup, and maybe a hat, some cute little onesies and of course the positive pregnancy test. Emily would come home and be out of her mind surprised and over the moon excited.
But this was not a perfect world, and she had no idea where Emily even stood with her emotionally.
It was possible she wasn’t even pregnant. That her period was just late because she’s a profiler for the FBI’s BAU, and she’s already stressed out and tired because of her job. And if that’s the case, all of this spiraling will have been for nothing. It will be a funny story to tell Emily the next time she sees her. She will get to watch Emily’s face scrunch up with amusement as she tells her how she thought she was pregnant and panicked most of the afternoon. Emily’s eyes will sparkle with mischief and her voice will deepen, and she will ask why her pretty girl didn’t call her. And probably will punish her, which JJ would happily take.
She opens her eyes, no longer able to avoid her reality. Her eyes cast down to the stick and her whole world stops.
Pregnant.
Shit.
JJ holds the stick like a lifeline, refusing to put it down while refusing to accept the results. She stared at it, willing the second line to disappear, but it only got bolder. She lets out a shaky breath, and looks up at herself in the bathroom mirror. How was she going to explain this? Emily was going to freak, the brunette always talked about not wanting kids. She didn’t think she would be good at it. It’s not that she had a tragic childhood, she had parents that were around, but they always threw money at Emily and her problems. She didn’t exactly have the type of supportive parents that make you want to be a parent.
JJ has met them a couple of times, because of course being seen in public with Emily Prentiss was bound to grab the attention of the press. The headlines called her Emily’s girlfriend, and she remembers the warmth that spread across her body at the wording. It didn’t help that Emily never corrected them or even her parents when referring to JJ as her girlfriend. She understood that explaining the intricacies of their actual relationship probably wasn’t in anyone’s best interest, but still…
Girlfriend..
Introduced as girlfriend. Referred to as girlfriend, and Emily never corrected. And that felt good, really really good.
But now it feels sour, her stomach churning painfully as she sets the stick down on the ceramic of her bathroom sink.
She can’t be pregnant.
But holy crap was she pregnant.
xxxxxxx
She managed to avoid Emily for a couple days. Blaming it on work, and exhaustion, but she knew it wouldn’t last. There was only one other time JJ was able to successfully avoid Emily and even then she only made it to 4 days before the brunette was showing up at the FBI building, claiming she had a meeting with the director, but JJ wasn’t convinced. She knew Emily came searching for her after too many unanswered texts and going without seeing her for 4 days. It was the beginning of their arrangement, and JJ found herself getting too comfortable with the brunette. Emily was taking her to extreme dopamine heights, and when she was coming down, it was easy to bare her soul to the woman she barely knew. It scared her. So she decided to take some unannounced space, only to realize that Emily had zero plans of letting the blonde slip away quietly, if they were done Emily wanted to hear it from the blonde herself.
Emily described her as perfect. She was perfect for her in every way. The perfect sub. A compliment that meant so much in the beginning, but as things progressed and feelings started to develop it felt like a rejection of sorts. That’s all Emily would ever want her for, to be the perfect sub. Part of her always wanted to be that for Emily, the perfect sub that gives Emily everything and anything she needed, to be her toy, never complain, never tap out.
She knew that’s not how it worked, Emily preaches honestly and commutation. She reminds JJ her ability to use her safe word or the stop light system to stop play at anytime, but there was a part of her that always wanted to please Emily, and she knew that this pregnancy would not please Emily. And she knew how it would go. Emily would develop a blank look on her face, and her lips would press into a fine line. She would ask JJ careful and clinical questions before taking her to the doctor to confirm, then she would promptly schedule her for an abortion. They wouldn’t talk about it, but Emily would care for her in the gentle way that makes JJ believe that maybe they could be more.
But they wouldn’t talk about it, and eventually they would have to and it would end them. Because as afraid as she was, JJ wanted this baby, but more than that she wanted THIS with Emily. She wanted to hold on to the idea that when Emily looked at her the way she did, when she was bringing her to unbelievably highs, and taking care of her after, that Emily felt something more for her.
So even though she was sure that when Emily found out, it would be their end, she still held on to the fantasy. And even though she knew she wasn’t going to be pregnant for much longer, she was still hyper aware of what she was eating and how she managed herself in the field and when working out. It was all fruitless, she knew that, but she just wanted a few days of the fantasy.
“You’re here early?” She was working on a consultation when the voice interrupted her thought. She looks up and smiles tightly at her partner.
Derek Morgan. He was a good man, he had her back in the field and in real life. She would consider him a brother, he was always caring for her and looking out for her. Protective in the way that was sweet and not at all overbearing.
“Yea, I had some stuff left unfinished from last night. I was exhausted.” She tells him, setting her pen down with a soft thud against the paper.
“You’ve been awfully tired lately.” Derek starts, walking to his desk and setting his bag down. “Prentiss has you tied up all hours of the night these days?” He teases. He knew some, not all, of her dynamic with Emily. Just like the rest of the world, he thought they were together because it was easier that way. Derek would go all protective brother on Emily, and she just didn’t have it in her to deal with that. Plus he only knows what he knows because he’s in a situation-ship with Reid, and Reid is JJ’s best friend.
Well one of the two.
Penelope is her best friend of best friends, and she knew almost every detail of her relationship with Emily. In fact, it was Penelope she was with when she met Emily for the first time. The eccentric blonde was practically giddy over the prospect of her and Emily becoming Dom and sub. She knew every detail, because Penelope was the only one JJ knew she could talk to with no judgement.
She knew every detail, until now.
She kept her mouth shut when it came to her pregnancy. She needed time to process, to think. She didn’t want or need anyone else’s input, except for Emily.
When she was ready.. she would tell Emily, but for now she plans to avoid. Avoid and work.
“No. I haven’t seen her in a couple days. Just been busy.” JJ shrugs as nonchalantly as possible, before looking back down at the work in front of her. Of course she wasn’t actually working or absorbing any of the information, her mind was moving too fast.
Too many worries, too many questions, too many decisions.
Her mind was jumbled and loud, and the only person that could truly calm her down and make her mind quiet was the one person she was avoiding.
She needed Emily, but she couldn’t be around Emily without telling her that a tiny Prentiss was growing like a weed inside of her right now.
She knew Emily wouldn’t force her to do anything. That if she wanted to keep the baby, she would financially support her but she wouldn’t be able to do it. Give birth to the love of her life’s baby while the love of her life was uninterested and had some random girl tied up, using her the delicious way she uses JJ. She wouldn’t be able to go through with it knowing she couldn’t have Emily, what was the point?
She doesn’t even think sex with another person would be enough after Emily. It wouldn’t be the same.
She sighs, dropping her pen back down on her pad of paper and leaning back in her chair.
Why was this her life?
She needed coffee. Her one normal cup of coffee a day that she gets now.
“I’m going to grab the good coffee. Send me orders?” JJ says, as she stands up from her desk. Derek looks up from his work for a moment and nods his head, before looking back down and finishing whatever thought he was having.
—————
At the coffee shop she was able to think. She knew avoiding Emily wasn’t her best plan, that eventually she was going to have to face the brunette, with her dark silky hair that tangled in her fingers, keeping her grounded while Emily’s tongues worked a particular bundle of nerves-
She stops, her daydream escaping the point a little too quickly.
Pregnancy hormones, got it.
She shakes off the thoughts and steps up to the counter with a smile, ordering her usual and everyone else’s usual. And as she reached for her card, a smooth voice sounds from behind her, sending a shiver down her spine.
“Here’s my card.” JJ looks up, but doesn’t dare turn around. The hairs on the back of her neck stand up; She knew who it was, she could feel Emily’s body just barely pressing against her back.
“Jennifer, darling.” Emily greets with a whisper against JJ’s ear. The blonde tenses, fighting every single cell in her body that was begging to melt into the woman behind her.
“We will have that right out for you.” The barista said so normally, handing Emily her card back. Like JJ’s entire world wasn’t spinning off its axis, and her heart wasn’t racing so loud she could barely hear anything else. JJ manages to force a smile, and will her legs to move somewhere, anywhere, she didn’t care, just move.
She finally wills her legs to move, to where? She wasn’t sure, she was just happy that her brain and body decided to communicate.
Next thing she knew she was outside, her legs carrying her back the way she came. She pushes a hand through her hair, trying to think but the only thing that was on her mind was Emily, the baby, and telling Emily about the baby.
“Jay!” Her voice calls out to her like a siren in the night. Her body comes to a stop, her legs no longer carrying her, but she doesn’t turn around. They were just a few feet away from the coffee shop, off to the side with a bit of privacy. She wasn’t sure they should do this here or now. She doesn’t even think she could look at Emily right now, not without blurting it out. She feels Emily stand right behind her, and she couldn’t just picture her face. She was probably confused, and searching for an answer that she didn’t have.
“Did I do something wrong?” Emily finally asks, after JJ doesn’t turn around. Immediately JJ was filled with guilt, and she couldn’t help but to turn on her heels and look at the woman she had fallen so helplessly in love with. Her brown eyes were soft and glassy, her emotion soaked gaze left JJ feeling exposed and vulnerable.
“No.” JJ manages to say, diverting her gaze. She couldn’t stand to look at Emily right now, not when she was looking at her like that. Like she would solve all of her problems without a second thought, like she loved her the way JJ loved her.
“Then what is going on? You’ve been avoiding me.” Emily responds, JJ looks up to meet Emily’s face once again, her breath hitching at the intensity in Emily’s eyes.
“I haven’t-“ She starts but Emily raises an eyebrow. It was a dare, lie to her and pay the consequences.
“Ok, I’ve been sort of avoiding you.” JJ admits, looking at the people who walked by.
“What’s going on, Jen?” Emily asks again. This time her voice held a certain seriousness, but she remained calm, level headed. JJ takes a few breaths, allowing herself a few more seconds of the fantasy, before looking up at Emily.
“I’m pregnant.”