Chapter Text
It was hard to breathe, her chest hurt in a way she'd never felt before, tears streaming down her face as she tried to focus her vision, the feeling of fear of the inexplicable, of fear of something that had already happened. It was horrible, she felt horrible and like shit.
That nightmare was so real, so vivid, it was almost bizarre.
He was alone at home, with no one to ask for help, his cell phone was charging in the living room, completely out of reach; he had to fend for himself. But how? How would Chouji manage a supposed panic attack without knowing anything at all!? The only thing he could do was wait for it to pass naturally.
But the thoughts… They came to him every second, making a point of remembering Togame's expression, the expression the taller man always had to wear because of his guilt, the expressions of fear on his friends and the members of Shishitouren. Expressions caused by his guilt.
By this point, the panic attack had passed, and Chouji just cried, curled up in bed, replaying everything that had happened in the past few years, right up until the fight against Umemiya and his boys. It hurt so much to remember the expressions on Togame's face, Arima's, Kanuma's, and the gang's former members' faces… It was truly painful.
"I'm sorry, Ume… I can't do this…" Chouji knew he wouldn't be able to apologize to everyone. Chouji knew there were still people who held grudges against him and hated him, but most importantly, Chouji knew he couldn't get over it all without falling from grace again.
What kind of renewed leader would he be if he fell again? If he allowed himself to be overwhelmed by the monstrous thoughts that always lurked? Chouji didn't have the strength to deal with it.
He didn't have it, and he never would.
"I'm sorry, Ume... I'm sorry, Kame... I can't... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."
Chouji repeated through his tears, staying like that until he fell asleep again. This time, without nightmares, much less dreams, it was a peaceful sleep after crying himself to exhaustion.
The next day, Chouji woke up around two in the afternoon, completely exhausted and without energy for anything. The boy got out of bed, almost without any desire, and headed to the bathroom for a refreshing shower. After showering, Chouji went to the kitchen to find his mother sitting at the table with her laptop in front of her.
"Well, well, if it isn't my sleepy bunny," Chouji's mother joked. "Did you sleep well, dear?"
"Yes..." He lied as she sat down, looking at the various papers scattered on the table. "What happened?"
"Ugh, remember that young lady your aunt and uncle hired to take care of your grandmother?" Chouji nodded. "That young lady was blatantly robbing us and your grandmother! All those requests to buy medicine and take her to the emergency room were just a front to keep all the money! That's absurd!"
Chouji blinked in utter surprise. He remembered the girl, but he'd never given her much importance. After all, she was just his grandmother's caretaker, not someone important.
"And what are you going to do now?"
"We're looking for someone else, but…" He sighed, picking up one of the papers on the table and handing it to Chouji. "No one qualifies or inspires trust, and not to mention…"
Chouji had stopped listening, simply thinking this was his chance. He knew it wasn't the best option, that running away like this wasn't right, but he couldn't bear to look his friends, the members, or even Togame in the face after everything he'd caused. They would be better off without him.
"I can stay with Grandma," He declared, his gaze still fixed on the table. "If you're going to hire someone trustworthy, then why not a family member?"
Chouji's mother stopped talking, looking at her son. It would make sense, but there were a few points that couldn't be left unanswered.
"Are you sure about this? You know your grandmother lives in another district, dear." She began to point out. "Do you really want to leave everything you have here, your friends, and school to start at a new school in the middle of the year in a new city?"
"Yes, I'm sure, Mom. Please talk to your uncles about it," He said with conviction.
"Okay, I'll talk to them. I'll give you the answer by tonight, okay?" The elder Tomiyama smiled, bringing her hand to her son's cheek and gently caressing it.
"Thanks, Mom…" He gave a small smile and got up, heading back to her room.
He needed to get rid of the Shishitouren jacket; after all, he would never wear it again.