Chapter Text
The Men of Letters Bunker, Lebanon, Kansas:
It had been three weeks since those from the Dean coined 'apocalypse-world' had entered the bunker. Castiel had voluntarily given up his room for one of the refugees to use, citing his lack of need for sleep. It was more important to the angel that these poor souls recuperate.
Now relegated to the library, Castiel would often notice the wary looks he would sometimes recieve whenever one of the bunker's guests walked past him. Or, when they quickly scurried away avoiding eye contact at all costs. It pains the seraph, but he understands. Especially after coming face-to-face with his doppelganger in that world - a cruel, sadistic monster. Though he can't help but wonder if that's what he would have become if the likes of Zachariah and Naomi had their way. If he had never raised Dean from perdition and chosen free will.
Castiel had tried striking up a conversation with Charlie in the kitchen just the other day. If looks could kill, he would be a pile of ashes on the floor. It pained him greatly, his world's Charlie always reminded him of sunflowers. The angel hasn't attempted conversing since, with the redhead or any of the others.
Sam and Jack had also been distant, as had Mary. Castiel buried his misgivings deep, reassuring himself that they were just busy. It was a monumental task to acclimate the refugees to this new world afterall. Besides, Dean was his usual self. Albeit annoyed at the amount of people that were now encroaching on his space. Castiel felt bad for Dean. He hadn't had a place to call his own since he was four years old, and now it had been filled with strangers. The hunter had taken off in the early hours of the morning, leaving a note that Jody had called him about a hunt she and Claire had found in Sioux Falls. Much to his annoyance, Castiel had been meditating and didn't sense him leaving. If he had known, he would have asked to accompany Dean on the case. Plus, it had been a while since he had seen Claire and when they last spoke she asked him to visit more.
But, for now Castiel had his nose buried in deep in a book about monsters native to Scandinavia, with his bumblebee cup that Jack had gifted him for Father's Day. Which was full of sweet, honeyed tea cooling gently on the table next to him.
***
"We don't feel safe with him here, Sam." Charlie murmured, picking at her nails. "He tortured me, he killed -"
"That wasn't Castiel!" Argued Jack, his hands balled up into fists, doing his best to keep his grace at bay.
Bobby huffed, and Mary put a steadying hand on his shoulder. A reminder to go easy of Jack. He was just a child, barely three years old. And, he loved the angel like a father.
"From what we've heard, there ain't much difference!" Bobby said with a scowl. "Leviathan ringin' any bells?"
Sam's brow furrowed wondering how the hell Bobby knew about that. He then noticed Mary purposely avoiding eye contact with him, focusing on a small bloodstain on the floor that Dean had never been able to scub away.
"Mom?" Sam's eyes bored into her.
"They deserved to know." Mary said with a sigh.
A conflicted Sam scoffed and ran a hand through his hair. Had Mary even bothered to mention all the good the angel has done? In Sam's opinion, the good Cas has done far outweighs the bad.
"I... I can't just throw him out! Cas is family! He's saved our asses more times than I can count!"
"Sam..." Mary said softly, approaching Sam as if he was a wounded animal. "I know you feel like you owe him, but Castiel is unpredictable. His past actions have proved that. We need to put these people first. Otherwise, all their sacrifices will be for nothing."
Sam looked away and clenched his jaw, not wanting to admit that his mother had a point.
Sam let out a deep sigh before continuing.
"What do I tell Dean?" A defeated Sam asked his mother.
"The truth." Stated Bobby bluntly.
"I didn't ask you -" A red-faced Sam shot back, pure anger seeping through his usual gentle facade.
Jack interrupted Sam before he could continue.
"What about me?" The nephilim mumbled. "I mean, I'm a monster too right? Should I leave?"
"No, Jack..." Mary softly reassured him, with Bobby, Charlie and the other hunters in attendance agreeing fully.
"You've proved yourself, kid. More than once." Bobby told Jack, as Charlie wrapped an arm around his shoulder in comfort.
An uncomfortable Jack shrugged free of Charlie's hold. This felt wrong.
"Why can't you give Castiel a chance to prove himself too?" He asked stubbornly, pouting like the child he should have been.
"You're half-human. He's not." Replied a stone-faced Bobby.
Sam scowled at Bobby - he was nothing like the man who helped raise them. If anything, this Bobby reminded him more of John. Everything was black and white, good and bad. No shades of grey.
"Not all monsters are bad -" Sam began to interject. However, he was rudely cut off by some of the others from the other world who were throwing insults and jeering.
"Enough!" Bellowed Sam. He closed his eyes. He couldn't risk losing control of the situation, or risk dissension in the ranks. He was outnumbered. He didn't have a choice. Sam just hoped that Castiel would understand.
"What do I tell Dean?" A resigned Sam asked Mary with a sigh.
"Like Bobby said, the truth. Once we explain how everyone here feels, Dean will understand."
Sam scoffed and shook his head.
"You really don't know Dean at all..."
Mary flinched at his words, and Sam then turned on his heel leaving the sound-proof warded dungeon in anger and defeat.
***
Something didn't feel right. Castiel couldn't put his finger on it - he had checked the bunker's warding and the warding in the woods outside. It was completely undisturbed. But, the atmosphere in the bunker felt stagnant. As if something was happening beneath the surface. Or, was going to happen. Like a powder keg, patiently waiting for the smallest spark.
A weary Castiel walked down the bunker's winding staircase and headed towards the library. Concern was weighing heavily on his mind as he walked. The angel's boots squeaked on the linoleum floor as he turned a corner, with his mind drifting to Dean. Castiel took his cellphone out of the pocket of his slacks, opening the text thread.
[Cas]: How goes the hunt? 👹
[Dean]: Hey sunshine. Nest of vamps, close to Alex's old high school. Heading out tonight.
[Cas]: Would you like my assistance? 👼
[Cas]: Dean?
[Cas:] DEAN?? If you don't answer by 21:00, I will drive to Sioux Falls.
It had been two hours since Castiel had heard from his best friend. Maybe he should contact Claire or Jody, just to make sure Dean was safe.
Though an uncomfortable heat soon crept up the back of his vessel's neck when he thought of a very good reason why Dean wasn't answering his text messages. The hunter was likely in the middle of coitus with some bar floozy, and Castiel fought to ignore the pit that formed in his vessel's stomach when he thought about it. Castiel knew that Dean's love was not meant for him. But, no matter - he loved the hunter anyway. He always would. Castiel's fading grace flickered to bring him comfort as he continued onward to the library.
As he entered, Castiel saw a nervous Sam sitting on the edge of one of the tables accompanied by Jack, Mary, Bobby and Charlie, along with some others from the alternate world hovering nearby.
"Good evening." Castiel greeted them cordially. The group seemed on edge. Even Sam and Jack seemed nervous. With his head tilted in confused, Castiel asked "What's going on?"
Sam cleared his throat and walked forward. Jack stared at the floor, hugging himself tightly, as he saw the others looking on edge.
Castiel tilted his head, his brow furrowed.
"Is it Dean? I -"
Sam put up his hands placatingly and reassured Castiel that Dean was fine. Then, he caused the angel's world to crumble.
"Cas... You can't stay here."
After a beat came the reply, "I'm having the sense of deja vu... I don't like it." He grumbled.
A sad flicker of a smile appeared on Sam's face. He's always enjoyed Castiel's dry sense of humour and lack of filter.
"The hunters from the other world, they're scared of you, man. I've tried, I've argued your case but -"
Mary stepped forward, cutting Sam off.
"What Sam is trying to say Castiel is that you need to leave, for the good of everyone. You, the other you, hunted down these poor people and their loved ones. Tortured and murdered them on Michael's orders. That's all they see when they look at you. And, to be frank, I haven't felt comfortable around you since the British Men of Letters and the boys told me about the Purgatory souls. About how you broke Sam's wall."
Castiel stepped back as though he had been slapped. He hadn't known Mary to be so cold towards him before. It figures that the British Men of Letters informed her of his misdeeds. Though, he didn't think the brothers would gossip behind his back about his past misdeeds. Castiel had thought it to be 'water under the bridge' as he's often heard humans say. Maybe he was wrong. Castiel's eyes left Mary, and were now fixed on Sam and simmering with anger and hurt.
"So, that's it?" Asked Castiel, simmering with hurt. "After everything... I've died for you and your brother, Sam. More than once! I've sacrificed my home, my brothers -"
Seeing Castiel starting to spiral, Sam placed his hands on his vessel's shoulders in a bid to calm him down.
"Cas -"
Castiel roughly shrugged Sam's hands from his shoulders in anger.
"Gabriel died to save you all!" Castiel shouted, causing several lights to flicker. He then moved away from Sam's attempt to comfort him.
Castiel heard a few of the hunters knock the safety off their guns, and the glimmer of an angel blade in his periphery. He needed to calm down. He couldn't prove them right.
"I said yes to Lucifer, so you wouldn't have to. To spare you that pain, to keep you safe. I was willing to die to defeat Amara. Does that not mean anything to you?"
Sam stood there speechless, with shame written all over his face.
Castiel started to laugh bitterly. He looked at each member of this fool's jury and indulged himself in contempt.
Composing himself, he bit out a terse "Fine", "Jack, go and pack your things. We're going to visit Claire."
A few minutes passed, and the boy remained still.
Castiel tilted his head in confusion when he realised Jack wasn't moving any time soon.
"Jack?"
The nephilim let out a shaky sigh.
"I'm staying..." Mumbled Jack, looking Castiel in the eyes for the first time that night. "These people need our help. We need to present a united front. I'm sorry, Dad."
A few stray tears fell down Castiel's face. The angel was in disbelief that his son, the child he loved as his own whilst he was still growing in Kelly's womb, could betray him like this. The child he died for.
But, he had to put this betrayal to one side. Castiel adores Jack, but the nephilim is barely three years old. He's naive, wanting to see the best in everyone. Jack is Castiel's son, and he would forgive him for anything and everything thrown at them. There was nothing Jack, or Claire, could ever do or say to turn Castiel away from them. And, he needed to prove that to his son right now.
Castiel strode towards Jack and pulled him into a tight hug. Jack held him tightly, not wanting to let go. Castiel let his grace flow through his son, and Jack's grace reciprocated in kind, reassuring eachother of their bond.
"When they betray you, and they will betray you, just pray to me and I'll come for you. Okay? I love you so much, Jack. More than anything." Castiel spoke softly into Jack's ear, just loud enough for an emotional Sam to hear.
A stray tear ran down the hunter's face, which he quickly wiped away.
The angel felt the boy nod against his chest as he kissed the crown of his head, inhaling the sweet, fresh scent of the lime and coconut shampoo Castiel had bought him a while back. Cas then pulled away from him, his white shirt wet with Jack's tears, and turned to Sam.
Castiel's face was now blank. Cold.
"Give me ten minutes to pack my things, and I'll be gone." Castiel said monotonically.
Without waiting for Sam's response, Castiel stormed off heading to Dean's room where he was currently keeping his things, back when he foolishly believed that he would have his room back sooner or later. Back when he foolishly believed he finally had a home here with the Winchesters.
Silence fell in the library until a smug Charlie drawled "Ding, dong, the w -."
A light bulb exploded above her head, cutting Charlie off and causing some of the hunters to yelp in surprise. The nephilim turned to her, his eyes red with tears and his breath hitched.
"Shut your damn mouth." Growled Jack, doing his best not to lash out with his grace. A devastated Jack then stormed to his room, slamming the door heavily in distress, causing Sam to flinch.
***
Castiel stood in the middle of Dean's room, admiring the love and care the hunter had put into it, for the last time. Dean hadn't had his own bedroom since he was four years old. His best guns and knives were mounted on the wall, pride of place, as photos of family and friends littered the shelving where his favourite books lived. Swallowing down his tears and anger, Castiel took an empty dufflebag from Dean's closet and started to pack his meagre belongings.
The angel lived somewhat of a Spartan lifestyle, with only a blue hoodie and a set of blue striped pyjamas and bee slippers that Dean had insisted on buying him for 'movie nights.' There were a few fiction books he had packed also, including a copy of Cat's Cradle Dean had bought him at a thrift store.
And then there was Castiel's memory box. It was a silly, sentimental thing to do, but he saw it online once and the idea stuck. Castiel had purchased a small ornate, handmade wooden box with green flowers adorning it from an antique shop in Mystic, Connecticut. Team Free Will were hunting a ghost of a long dead priest who was terrifying the congregation of his old church. Castiel had spoken to the ghost, calming him down momentarily, just enough for the priest to move on of his own volition. A rare outcome on a hunt.
As a thank you, Father O'Reilly, the new priest of St. Mary Magdalene Church gifted Castiel with a solid gold crucifix necklace as a thank you. Dean teased Castiel, offering to pawn it for beer money with Sam elbowing him in the ribs for his trouble. Castiel couldn't help but chuckle at the memory. However, he soon placed the delicate necklace back inside the memory box along with his other trinkets, and gently placed it in the dufflebag.
By now everything was packed. But, there was just one thing left resting in the inside breast pocket of his trenchcoat. Castiel walked towards Dean's bedside table, before pulling the mixtape out from his pocket. He held the mixtape in left his hand, while skimming the words 'Dean's Top 13 Zepp Traxx' with his right index finger. Castiel lifted the tape to his lips, and gently kissed it before placing it down next to a framed photo of Dean, Sam, Castiel and Jack sitting in the Impala.
"Goodbye, Dean." Whispered Castiel, before finally taking his leave.
Castiel gently closed Dean's bedroom door, and looked around - the bunker was quiet. His grace could sense that everyone had retreated to their rooms, either too frightened or too cowardly to face the angel before he left. Before he knew it, he was standing outside his truck, his fist holding his keys so tight they were cutting into the meat of his hand. Soon, Castiel got in and started the engine.
Sitting there with the engine running, Castiel came to the realisation that he wore loneliness like a second skin. Yet again he had been cast aside, as though he was nothing. Castiel was too angelic for the humans, and too tainted by humanity for Heaven and the angels. Taking out his cellphone, Castiel rolled down his window and crushed the device in his hand. He then watched the glass and metal fall away like grains of sand from the palm of his hand, dancing in the clement midwestern wind. Taking a deep breath, Castiel pushed down on the accelerator, leaving the bunker for good.