Chapter Text
Another day at Split River. That’s all it was. Or at least that’s what Xavier kept telling himself, over and over again. Yet, he couldn’t seem to keep his leg from bouncing. The rhythmic tapping of his heel, and the movement of his knee was distracting him. That and other things; Though he couldn’t put a name on what exactly the ‘other things’ were. Xavier knew if he tried to decode it, he’d give himself a headache, so he turned back to his teacher, and attempted to focus on the class. But the sound of the squeaky dry erase markers against the whiteboard, was more evident than the actual lesson. Usually, Xavier found himself at least somewhat interested in American Literature, but this week's vocabulary was just white noise, compared to everything else that was jumping around in his head.
So he tried to pin-point what might be causing him so much anticipation. He mentally ran through his plans for the rest of the day, checking to see if any of them held any kind of actual importance. He had no after school activities or plans with his head. Then he remembered his plans for next period: Meeting Simon and Maddie in the greenhouse.They didn’t have any real reason for skipping, the three of them just wanted to get out and escape for a little while. In reality, it’s nothing big, he skips all the time; probably too much for his own good. But he’s particularly ancy for the clock to hit twelve and the ringing of the school bell to echo throughout the hallways. Which wasn’t normal for him. Most of the time, class seemed to fly by and the loud alarm would catch him by surprise. It had to be something about the meet up, something they’re doing, or maybe a person?
Then he’s reminded that he’s in class and should be taking notes. So he tries. He listens to Ms. Albright, yet none of the words are translating with his brain. Nothing other than his thoughts and yearning for the next hour in the greenhouse. It was almost annoying how vague these thoughts were, how they were just geared towards the general direction of the next hour. He soon realizes that Ms Albrights’ lesson isn't gonna make it through his hyperfixation. No matter how hard he tries. His grades might suffer, but so will his patience. He needed to pinpoint what it was that he needed a fix for so badly, what he’s so eager to see out in the plant room.
Maybe all of this was Maddie? No, she’s fun, but not quite what he was jumping up and down for. The two of them had both agreed that being friends was for the best. Xavier felt like it was the right call, and was happy with how everything turned out. So it couldn’t be her. Simon? He was the only other person that was gonna be there. Maybe…No, it’s probably…it’s probably…why the hell is he blanking out right now?
The bell ringing saves him from himself. Allowing for a moment of peace in his fucked up head. He collects his things as Ms. Albright rushes through wrapping up the lesson and reminders of the unit test next week. It all goes through one ear and out the other, for Xavier. He has one goal: Make it to the Greenhouse. Because once he’s there he’ll figure out what the hell’s wrong with him.
Xavier had very little anxiety when it came to skipping. When it came to getting caught, it was a rare instance, but if he did, Xavier made sure to charm his way out of a detention (Which worked about half the time). In a crowded high school hallway, no one knows nor cares where you’re headed; for all the teachers know, you’re just another fish in the sea. The time you need to panic is when the crowds begin to dissipate and now your only camouflage is the few stranglers that remain. That’s when the teachers begin to care, when all the attention is shifted onto you. So Xavier knew to be swift, making sure to take the short route, while still maintaining a cling to the dense clusters of students.
Then he feels a buzz in his back jeans pocket; his phone. He takes a millisecond to consider ignoring it, but then realizes the possibility of it being one of the two changing the meetup spot. So he stalls for a quick second, shifting to a slower pace so he doesn’t bump into anyone or anything, and he pulls out his phone. He sees a it’s a text from Maddie, and for a minute he believes his suspicions were accurate, but then he opens it:
Got caught by Mr. Figueroa, won’t be there.
It’s not that big of a deal. A detention is the worst that she could get. Though a lot of teachers have been cutting her slack since her return; so if anything, she’s most likely getting a warning. Still, it makes Xavier stop walking for a second. His heart rate picks up just a few beats, and his breath hitches, just slightly. It’s a mix between panic and excitement…more so panic. Again, Xavier isn’t sure why. Now it’s just him and Simon…Simon and him…alone…just the two of them. Why was that…weird? Except he doesn’t have time to decipher whatever the hell that means, he has to get somewhere, and the late bell is about to ring— Dinga-linga-ding-dong!
Fuck. And just like that, his camouflage begins to disperse, and he’s out in the open. He looks around, and in just his luck, he locks eyes with his Calculus teacher. Mr.Evans begins to shout Xavier’s name, and it echoes from the other end of the hallway. More attention on him. A bit of adrenaline shoots through his body, and he makes a run for it. He knows the chance of his old, brittle calculus teacher chasing him is slim to not-gonna-happen, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. His feet push behind him with the force of all his body will allow. And after about 30 seconds, he finds that they’ve brought him to one of the exits. He pushed the heavy metal door to find the side yard of the school. With just his luck, he finds that it’s not that far from the greenhouse (He’ll keep that in mind for the future).
Though it is a pretty great distance away, Xavier can see Simon’s already arrived, his figure pacing back and forth in the windows. A warm feeling fills Xavier’s gut…one that he’s only loosely familiar with. He could write it off as just nerves, but he’s able to tell it’s more than just that. It’s that tipsy kind of nervous. Not quite as strong as how you would describe ‘Butterflies’, more like that fuzzy feeling after a few hits of a blunt. All his anxieties suddenly feel so noticeable, yet he’s almost…excited. It’s like what he was feeling in Ms.Albright’s class, yet stronger. He just swallowed it all down, and continued his way over to the greenhouse.
***
Simon was fucked, like actually fucked. He knew it when Maddie planned a hangout out with just the three of them. And then he realized he was truly fucked when Maddie decided to bale out. He knew he shouldn’t blame her for this, he couldn’t blame her for this. She had no idea he had a fucking-stupid-ass-crush, on a boy he should have no attraction too whatsoever. No, that was his own dirty-little-secret. It’s not like Simon’s in shock about being gay or anything. No, he figured that out pretty early on in freshman year. No, it was the fact that it was Xavier of all people?!
For one thing, the boy had something going on, at some point, with at least three of his friends: He actually dated Maddie, cheated on her with Claire, and Nicloe and him had…well, it was something. If that’s not already a red flag, then Simon doesn’t know what is! Not to mention that all three of those friends are girls, women, females, not men…not people like Simon. Xavier is Mr.StealYourGirlandMaybeYourMomTo. The chances of Simon even getting a chance with Xavier was slim. Plus it wasn't moral, or fair to the girls. And in addition to that, it’s not like Simon has chosen this hell-sent lovesick disease of a crush. It’s been forced upon him as some punishment from Jesus or something. Simon’s done a lot of shitting things, hell, he wears the title of ‘Asshole’ like a fucking crown. But does he really deserve this? Out of all the people in this shitriver of a school, his brain chooses the sheriff's son. The one person he couldn’t have. The one person he can’t have.
He’ll get over it, he always does. Though this is the first time he’s crushed on someone he’s actually friends with, someone he’s going to be around often. He can already tell this is gonna take awhile to burn out, and boy, does he wish he could burn along with it.
So he paces, back and forth, as he waits in the greenhouse, for Xavier to show up. If he’s lucky, he won’t even show, maybe Maddie getting caught will scare him off, and Simon will be safe for at least another hour. All he can do is sit and wait. He’ll let himself chill out after the first five minute pass. What he’ll do after? Well, the whole point of this was to hang out with them, but if he has to guess he’ll—
“Hey.”
“Jesus Christ!” Simon gasps and clutches his chest. Of course he showed up. That’s all he does now: Be present in his life and always makes sure to make an appearance. Why is he so goddamn good at that?!
“Sorry man, didn’t mean to scare you!” Xavier apologizes, sliding the door of the greenhouse shut; It’s made of glass, so it really doesn’t do much.
“Well you did!” Simon recognized that sharpness in his tone and a bit of guilt leaks out, “Sorry, uh…how ya been?”
A hint of confusion decorates Xavier’s gaze, “Uh, good, I guess, you?”
“Fine.” It’s the only way of describing it. Just over two weeks ago, he was trapped in a dead teacher’s personal hell, and now he’s here, sitting with his straight-boy crush. If he was really being truthful, he would be saying, ‘Anxious and exhausted’. His heart wasn’t the only thing causing problems; so was his head. Insomnia has been hitting him like a steam train, most days of the week. When he does manage to fall asleep, he’ll only wake up after a few hours, in a cold sweat and hyperventilating, nightmares of being trapped in a room of flames and smoke for a week. But Simon would rather keep that to himself and the mood light.
“Good.” Is all he replies with. He then goes to take a seat on one of the small counters. “So…did you hear about the new ‘Megan’ movie coming out?”
“Don’t even get me started on that monstrosity!” Simon had a special kind of hatred for the first movie, and the last thing he wanted was to subject himself to another hour and half of overplayed dramatics, “The plot is so overused, haunted dolls had their course, we need something new in the horror genre.”
“Damn, what the hell did haunted dolls ever do to you?”
“Waste too many of my Saturdays, Maddie has some kind of obsession with them.”
“Really, didn’t take her as a haunted doll fan.” Xavier remarks, the way his eyebrow quirks and his lip pouts makes Simon want to end himself right then and there, “What are you into, horror movie wise, I mean?”
“Psychological thrillers: The Shining, Blair Witch, stuff like that, you?” Simon prompts, secretly hoping they could keep this kind of banter up for the rest of the day.
“I’m more of a Horror Comedy kind of guy; Scream and The Babysitter are two of my absolute favorites.”
“Dude, The Babysitter, really?” Simon teases, the tension seeming to ease up.
“Okay, the second one was kinda trash, but the first one was pretty good!” Xavier defends, a bit of defeat in his voice. Simon hated to admit it, but he actually had to agree with him on this one. Simon actually agrees with him, but he’ll never give him the satisfaction of knowing that. As much as he hated when horror movies had an unhealthy amount of sexual undertones, the first Babysitter movie managed to make it just campy enough that it was funny, but not too over done that it was trashy (Unlike the second one). but he’ll never give him the satisfaction of knowing that.
And just like that, the awkward silence returns, and so does the tension. So much for Simon’s wishes. The rhythmic tapping of Xavier's fingers on the wood, echo throughout the whole greenhouse. Simon can’t tell if he’s annoyed by it, or finds it cute. After a few more seconds though, it’s clear it’s not the latter,
“Dude, you gotta cut it out or else I might actually go insane.”
“More so than you are already?” He smirks but then his face flushes from embarrassment, “But fine I’ll stop.”
“I fucking hate you, I hope you know that.” Simon remarks, sinking further into the floor.
“As you remind me every day.!” He fucking winks, HE FUCKING WINKS! Screw killing himself, Xavier might have to go as well. Wait, does he know about Simon, is he just fucking with him? He’s not so sure he wants to know the answer to that. He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to do that, right? Despite all of Simon’s criticism, the boy is actually really sweet, and genuine. He’s made some mistakes in the past, and Simon’s not too sure he’s fully forgiven him for that, but he’s for sure put in an effort to fix it.
Xavier begins to dig in his school bag, the sound of something crinkly catches Simon’s attention (More like his stomach’s attention), “You want some chips, barbeque?”
“Out of every flavor you could have, you have barbeque?”
“Do you have to critique everything I do, or….?”
“Just hand me a goddamn chip!” Simon exasperates, not really caring anymore. Lunch wasn’t as filing as he’d hoped it would be, and his stomach had been bothering him for a little while now. Xavier gets off of his perch and makes his way over to where Simon is sitting, and sets himself down in the empty spot next to him (Too close for comfort). He hands him the open bag, which Simon takes the opportunity and pulls out a chip, eating it in one bite. The tanginess is too artificial and too sweet for him, but hunger could make you do anything. Xavier takes the bag back and eats a couple himself. After he finishes chewing (Really loudly, Simon might add), and he starts up a new conversation,
“My mom really liked these, used to always have a bag in the pantry, said it was her Dad’s favorite snack.”
“Cool.” Simon mentally cringes at his response, so in an attempt to redeem himself he asks, “Where is your Mom now, you don’t really talk about her, not as much as your dad?”
Xavier looks reflective for minute, like he’s trying to scrounge up information about something he’s forgotten, “She… to be honest, I’m not sure…I have very little memories about her, they all kind of stop around when I was around seven…my Dad just tells me she wasn’t well and had to go, so I’m not sure what that mean, and he hates when I try to bring it up.”
“Jesus man, I’m sorry.” Simon isn’t well versed in stuff like this. He actually knew Maddie's dad before he passed, plus he knew why/how he was gone. The way he responded felt kinda cheap, like a pre-written message on a Hallmark card, from your great Aunt you’ve never even met. So he places a hand on Xavier’s shoulder and squeezes it. He turns to look at Simon, a sweet smile spread across his face, a way of displaying his appreciation. For a minute, Simon doesn’t have any anxiety in the pit of his stomach, or air staggering within his lungs. The greenhouse felt safe, like the two of them were all alone in the world. It was as if they didn’t know anything about ghosts, Maddie didn’t go missing, Claire didn’t get kicked out, and Mr. Anderson didn’t get fired. It was all okay. But it wasn’t. He knew that, Xavier knew that, everyone knew that.
But the two of them remain sitting in the green house, eating out of the same barbeque, potato chip bag. It was weirdly comfortable, the only sounds being the crinkle of the metallic bag, and their crunching. And though it’s slightly comfortable, it doesn’t fully cover up the awkwardness. Just a few minutes ago, they were talking about Xavier’s absent Mother, and the minute prior, the topic was horror movies. The two of them were odd like that. They could talk about everything and anything in the matter of five minutes, yet give them a whole class period, and they were silent as a mouse on Christmas. Simon knew it had something partly to do with his own issues, how he was prone to backing away the minute he got what felt too close to someone. Maddie used to nitpick this about him, and Nicole would always scold him for it. But old habits ‘die hard’, and Simon fucking hated that Movie. But how he wished he could let it all be, let things keep going as they are. So instead of moving, or creating an excuse to get up and head back to class, he remains seated. He allows himself to sit in the ‘Slightly comfortable’ for a little while longer. He still didn’t push himself to open up his mouth, but he didn’t immediately tug his hand away when it touched Xavier’s in the chip bag. Is this what you call progress? Simon asks himself, as he finally eats the chip he originally reached for.
“You know,” Xavier speaks up, and it breaks him out of his trance, “There’s this horror movie I’ve been meaning to watch, ‘Good Boy’, you heard of it?”
“Yeah…uh…maybe…don’t think I’ve watched it before though, why?”
“Well, I was wondering if you might wanna get together and watch it, this friday maybe?” Xavier asks, a hint of nervousness in his voice. Simon chooses not to read into it.
“I can’t do this week, I have something going on with my family, maybe next week,” Then he adds, “And I’d have to check with the girls, but yeah, that sounds cool, yeah cool?” Simon didn’t play it cool. In his head he continued to mentally scream at himself for saying it like that. WHO EVEN SAYS COOL THAT MANY TIMES IN A SENTENCE?!
What he doesn’t tell Xavier, is how much he’s been dying to see ‘Good Boy’, but hasn’t exactly had the time to, due to more recent events. He didn’t want to sound too excited, or desperate. And automatically inviting the girls was a smart move, more people, less room for Simon to act weird around Xavier. It was all gonna be okay! But what Simon can’t seem to look past was the small glint of disappointment that hid behind the other boy’s eyes. Did he really want a night alone with Simon? Simon couldn’t allow himself to play around with thoughts like that; thoughts like that are what lead to heartbreak and not getting out of bed for a few days.
“Let me just text them real quick, see if they’re free!” Simon pulls out his phone and opens up their group chat (Appropriately named ‘Creeper’s). As he types out the message, he notices how deep in thought Xavier looks, more than a dumbass like him should be. And the worst part is, Simon can’t tell what he’s thinking. It’s purely blank, no break in his eyebrow or anything. He wonders if he should be worried, but then he remembers it’s Xavier. The boy either has nothing in there or everything. For Simon’s own sake, he chose not to dig into the latter.
Simon hits send, anxious to get a response back. He knows Nicole is probably out of the question, but Claire is a little more open to horror. Maddie would probably be fine, but then they’d probably have to do it at her house, because her mom likes to keep tabs on her now (For good reason). So if Maddie’s there, Claire will try to come, because she’s trying to get closer with Maddie again. But now that he really thinks about it, if Claire ends up coming, Nicole will probably also come, since she and Claire have been attached at the hip recently. So it’s safe to assume everyone will be there, even without a text. Good, it’s all planned out, Simon won’t have to worry. Everything is going to be fine!
Simon lets out a big sigh of relief, all the tension in his body temporarily loosening. But so does the grip he has on his phone, and he drops it, right next to him. Before he can even go to grab it, Xavier is already reaching across him for it. Why the fuck is he grabbing it?! It doesn’t make the slightest of sense, Xavier is on the whole other side of Simon! And suddenly, all that tension he just released has come right back, even tighter this time. Even though only a second has passed, Simon has already managed to have three separate panic attacks in his head, and he is yet to recover. Xavier sits up a little, Simon’s phone in his hand, and turns to give it back to him. But both the boys become aware of how close their faces actually are, maybe only a few inches (If that).
Hot breath. That’s all Simon can think about, all he can feel. Xavier’s heavy breathing colliding with his. It’s not fair, seeing his lips up close, his eyes glancing down at Simon’s own. If there were no consequences, if things weren’t how they were, then Simon would lean in closer, and kiss him senseless. But sadly, things are how they are, and Simon has to use every restraint in his body from taking this any further. Though he can’t bring himself to move, he’s too selfish for that. If he’s not allowed to have Xavier any other way, then he’s going to milk up all that he can get right now.
Then Simon snaps out of it, the daydream he allowed himself to get sucked into, “Dude—” Simon doesn't even get a chance to finish his thought process, before Xavier shoots up, dropping the phone, grabbing his things, and making a b-line for the door.
Simon doesn’t know what else to say, other than, “What the fuck…?”