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Hiding a big secret about himself from his group members sometimes made Sunoo feel guilty. Even though he had good reasons for doing so—very good ones—it occasionally seemed unfair.
Particularly in the moments when said members chose to discuss their favorite topic: girls.
Or, well, more specifically, sex with girls. Sunoo sighed. It was at times like these that he had to remind himself they were just men after all.
He, too, was just a man. One with a very Big Secret.
“So then I was like, well why can’t I just put it in?” Jake was saying from his place on the floor, chewing on a handful of popcorn.
Watching the small white flecks moving inside his mouth made Sunoo shudder. Was he really attracted to this man? He pressed himself further into the arm of the couch, squeezing his legs together.
He and the others were gathered in the living room of Sunoo, Jungwon, and Jake’s dorm, purportedly to watch a movie together. However, minutes after settling down, the others had started interrogating Jake about his most recent post-concert conquest, trying to get all the dirty details. Only Sunoo remained silent, wishing, as he always did, that there was a casual, unassuming way for him to excuse himself from these conversations when they came up.
“—and she was like, well do you want to get me pregnant?” Jake continued, unaware of Sunoo’s growing discomfort. “And of course I said no so we ended up using a condom. It just wasn’t as good, you know? It’s like there’s a barrier between you and the pussy.”
The word “pussy” coming out of Jake’s plush, butter-slicked mouth had Sunoo’s cheeks flaring red. He hid his expression in a sip of beer, the cheap brand that Heeseung always bought making his face twist in disgust. He gingerly set the beer down on the side table.
Heeseung, sitting in the chair behind Jake, nodded in agreement, taking a sip of his own beer. “It’s never as good with a condom.”
From his place on the other side of the couch, Jungwon wrinkled his nose and leaned forward, looking torn between being unimpressed by Jake’s story and concerned that he’d ever had sex without a condom. “Yeah, but is it really worth risking pregnancy or, worse, STDs, if you don’t use one? Please don’t get anyone pregnant, hyung, it’s not worth the scandal.”
“Besides, there are other things you can do if she doesn’t want you to put it in without a condom,” Sunghoon pointed out casually. “Aren’t you the self-proclaimed ‘Pussy-Eating King’?”
He said this last bit while making quotation marks with one hand. The other was draped on the couch behind Sunoo’s shoulders, who stiffened as Sunghoon brushed against him.
Sunghoon was not making an effort to keep away from Sunoo, sinking into the couch cushions with his legs spread and one ankle resting on the opposite knee. The warmth of his body, just barely pressed up against Sunoo’s side, and the casual mention of pussy eating coming out of his mouth had Sunoo squirming in his seat once again, trying to put some space between them. Unfortunately, there was nowhere to go.
Jake snickered while Jay rolled his eyes from his spot between Jungwon and Sunghoon. “I dunno about ‘king,’” he scoffed skeptically. “Not like we can take Jake’s word for it.”
Jake pouted. “Hey! Ask anyone I’ve been with and she’ll tell you! This tongue does wonders.” Then he stuck out his tongue and waggled it around like a dog.
“Eww, stop that, hyung,” said Riki from his seat on the floor by Jungwon’s feet, kicking at Jake with his absurdly long legs. “We do not need visuals.”
“Agreed,” said Jay, wrinkling his nose.
“What would you know, anyways?” said Jake, snickering now. “Have you ever even been with a girl, Riki-yah?”
The maknae’s face turned red and he kicked Jake viciously again. This time it landed on Jake’s shin and he yelped, clutching at it and dramatically rolling on the floor.
“Of course I have!” defended Riki.
Jungwon choked on his drink. “What do you mean of course? You literally just became an adult.” He smacked Riki on the head and gave him a suspicious look. “Please tell me you did not have sex before becoming an adult.”
Riki rolled his eyes. “Okay, I won’t tell you,” he said, deadpan. “I’ve been an adult for more than a year now. You guys just have to get used to it.” He crossed his arms over his chest and sniffed.
Sunoo picked up his drink again and began chugging it. It was hard enough watching Riki become an adult before his very eyes—a man who was over six feet tall and ripped beyond belief. He didn’t need Riki reminding him of it every second of every day, as he seemed so determined to do.
Jungwon seemed to agree with Sunoo’s internal monologue, sniffing into his own drink while Jay chuckled. He leaned over and ruffled Riki’s hair.
“They grow up so fast,” said Jay, wiping his eyes dramatically.
“Just because you’ve been with someone doesn’t mean you’ve eaten pussy,” said Jake, sitting up normally now. Sunoo closed his eyes and breathed in deeply to calm himself as Jake continued, oblivious to the tension flickering through Sunoo’s body. “I’m telling you, pussy eating takes practice. You really have to dedicate yourself to it.”
Heeseung flicked the back of Jake’s head at this. “Oh, you mean like you have.”
Jake puffed out his chest, nodding. “Of course. I dedicate myself very much to practicing eating pussy.”
Jungwon rolled his eyes again. “Sure you do, hyung. In all our free time, you’re just constantly giving head.”
Jay snickered again. “Yeah, like we don’t see you playing video games with Heeseung every second we’re not at dance practice.”
“Oh please, like you’re any better,” Jake said, seeming genuinely offended that his friends thought he wasn’t practicing his pussy-eating skills enough. “When was the last time you had sex, Jay?”
Jay let out a huff of laughter. “None of your business.”
“So not recently, then,” said Heeseung, like it was a challenge.
Sunoo rolled his eyes again. Straight men and their challenges.
“Well, I still don’t believe this whole ‘Pussy-Eating King’ thing,” said Jay.
Jake pouted and took a sip of his beer. “How am I supposed to prove it? It’s not like we can have girls compare experiences.”
Sunghoon laughed, his chest vibrating against Sunoo’s side. “I think we’d get slapped if we even asked. Too bad there’s no girl we’ve all had sex with.”
“Too bad?” Jungwon said, voice getting a little high and squeaky. “I think that’s a good thing.”
“Agreed,” said Heeseung casually. “I don’t think I’d want a girl who’s also into dog boy over here.” He ruffled Jake’s hair to take the sting out of it though.
Unfortunately, this seemed to make Jake contemplate something Sunoo didn’t even want to think about.
“Maybe we could put together an anonymous survey?” Jake suggested. “Do you think girls would do that?”
Riki laughed so hard he snorted out a little beer. Sunoo tried to find it gross instead of cute, but he was a lost cause.
“How do you even get with girls when you come up with stuff like this?” said Riki between snickers.
The others laughed too. Sunoo hid his unamused face behind his drink, but thankfully no one was paying attention to him anyways.
Jake pouted again, and Sunoo was reminded very strongly of how he got women in his bed. Those lips should be criminal. Plus he had that sort of pathetic puppy dog rizz that could really get a woman riled up… or a man, for that matter.
Jake shook his head. “Well, whatever, I don’t have anything to prove to you virgins.”
This caused a whole round of protests that even had Jungwon shaking his head.
“None of us are virgins,” he said. “Don’t be stupid.”
Sunoo’s heart began to pound in his chest and his cheeks burned even redder than before. Suddenly, he wished he could disappear from the room altogether. Enough was enough.
He abruptly sat up, jostling Sunghoon who gave him a surprised look.
Clapping his hands together, Sunoo raised his eyebrows and glanced around the room. “Are we going to watch this movie or what? Because if not, I’m going to go take a shower.”
He tried to keep his voice steady and dry, and hoped his expression was uncaring rather than “you keep talking about pussy and mentioning virgins and it’s simultaneously turning me on and making me very uncomfortable!”
The others immediately quieted down and both Jake and Jungwon gave him guilty looks.
“Sorry, Sunoo-yah. We can watch the movie now,” said Jake.
Everyone agreed, and soon the screen was loading. Riki got up to turn the lights off. Sunoo sighed in relief and sank back down into the couch cushions. This time, he didn’t even try to keep his body away from Sunghoon. The other man seemed determined to press up against him and Sunoo was too exhausted to fight him off.
In response to his giving up, Sunghoon let his arm fall fully across Sunoo’s shoulders. He resisted the urge to shiver. Was it just him, or had Sunghoon been especially touchy lately? He decided to brush it off. He was probably just extra sensitive because of the conversation they’d just been having, which had left him with a growing damp spot on the inside of his underwear.
You see, his members thought it was awkward because Sunoo couldn’t relate—he had never and likely would never eat pussy because he was gay. On top of that, he actually was still a virgin, not that they knew that for sure since Sunoo was very private about his romantic life.
But Sunoo had a whole other reason for feeling weird about listening to his members discuss fairer parts of the fairer sex, and it had everything to do with what, exactly, he had between his legs.
“I’m going to take a shower,” Sunoo said as soon as the movie ended.
It was better to reserve your spot as soon as possible, even now that they no longer were sharing one bathroom between the seven of them.
Jungwon nodded, acknowledging Sunoo’s claim. “Okay, hyung. I’ll take one after you.”
Sunoo beamed at him and got up, the movement releasing him from the gentle weight of Sunghoon’s arm across his shoulders. He took a moment to stretch, the edge of his T-shirt rising up to expose his hips and lower stomach. If he had been looking, he would have seen six sets of eyes tracking the movement, hungrily taking in the exposed skin, each in various states of denial.
Sunoo put his arms down and smiled at the others. “Good night, everyone.”
He received many adoring “good nights” in return. As he left, the conversation from before picked up again.
“So Sunoo-hyung is definitely still a virgin, right?” said Riki in a voice he clearly thought was discreet and quiet.
“Shut up, he can probably hear you!” Jungwon hissed.
Sunoo closed the bathroom door and leaned heavily against it, heaving in a deep breath and closing his eyes. Did they have to say it out loud?
Inside the shower, Sunoo relaxed. He considered his entire body, from the slight ache between his shoulders—the consequences of sitting with a straight back throughout a long fanmeeting—to the warm tingling between his legs. He blushed, thinking of the clear damp spot that had been on the inside of his underwear when he took them off.
Sunoo didn’t wear panties on a regular basis, only when he was certain no one would find out. Tonight, he’d been wearing them after changing into his pajamas before movie night. There was a low chance of the members seeing his underwear when they were just sitting on the couch together. He usually wore briefs with packing in the front to make it more realistic. This ensured when he did have to change in a room with the others, they thought he had a penis like they did.
Sunoo sighed, soaping up his body and running his fingers over his chest. Hiding himself used to be more difficult when he shared a room with Sunghoon, Jungwon, and Riki. Back then, he’d been paranoid enough to wear stuffed briefs even to bed since Riki sometimes liked to climb in with him. He had been ultra careful about where and when he changed, even more so about showering (bless the lock on the bathroom door), and extra private about his romantic life (or lack thereof).
At first, the others had been fine with this. Especially since it was obvious since day one that Sunoo was into men. Initially, they hadn’t even wanted to know if he had a sexual or romantic life, which did sting a bit.
But once they got to know each other better and became naturally close due to their shared quarters and the fact that they did almost everything together, Sunoo sensed a growing curiosity. Every day they got bolder, roving around the question of why Sunoo had never had a boyfriend. Or, if he had, why they didn’t know about it.
Sunoo sighed again into the steamy shower air. The warm tingling sensation inside of him still hadn’t gone away. Hesitantly, since he never did this, he brought a hand between his legs.
Sunoo blushed as he drew the tip of his finger over the soft, wet flesh of his core. He never played with himself, but these days he was finding it harder and harder to hold back.
It wasn’t that Sunoo thought there was anything wrong with masturbation, no matter what “technology” you were working with. He was just always too shy to take it very far, plus he didn’t really know what he was doing.
That’s why hearing Jake talk about how great he was at eating pussy and making girls come, or Heeseung infer he had gotten a girl to squirt once, or the word “sex” even coming out of Riki’s mouth made him so uncomfortable. Because it really, really turned him on. So much so that he was beginning to think he needed to figure out this masturbation thing sooner rather than later or he was going to go crazy.
Underneath the soothing stream of hot water, Sunoo let his finger slide tentatively over the sensitive folds of his pussy.
The feeling of it made him look down at himself. He’d never thought his body was particularly noteworthy—especially in comparison to his devastating face card. Sure, he looked pretty good as most idols did. He was generally slim and very pale all over with the lean muscles of a dancer. And while he didn’t have a defined six-pack like Riki or Jungwon, or developed biceps like Sunghoon and Jay, he did have broad, manly shoulders in comparison to his tiny waist. His hips flared out slightly, leading to a thick, peach-shaped ass (perhaps his best bodily feature, if he had to choose), thick thighs, and long, shapely legs.
But the most notable part of his body was between his legs where his core was smooth instead of protruding.
The thought made him blush. Sunoo was used to it of course; he had grown up with this body, after all. But since no one else (aside from his family) knew this, it was a point of potential awkwardness. When Sunoo had decided to become an idol, he knew he’d have to keep it a secret.
This made dating difficult, so even though he was into men and it wasn’t too big of a deal in the industry (since none of them could really date openly anyways, and there were plenty of other gay idols), Sunoo had never had a boyfriend. Part of this was due to being busy, but it was mostly thanks to his own paranoia.
Sunoo had heard too many terrible stories about idols being blackmailed by ex-lovers for perfectly normal things; he couldn’t imagine being blackmailed by someone because of his secret. It would be too humiliating. Besides, as far as he was concerned, it wasn’t anyone else’s business.
For the most part, this approach worked for him. Sunoo got affection from other aspects of his life, and his job kept him busy enough that the lack of a romantic partner didn’t bother him too much. Of course, he dreamt of being swept off his feet and kissed silly by a prince, but who could blame him for being a romantic?
As a result, Sunoo had had very little opportunity to explore his sexuality. It wasn’t usually a problem, but these days Sunoo found it was growing a bit difficult. Mostly because of his members.
It seemed they were always talking about sex one way or another. Talking about pussy specifically. Sunoo swore if that word came out of Jake’s mouth one more time, he was going to… well he was going to do nothing, but it had driven him to where he was now, with one finger tentatively stroking the most sensitive area of his body.
Not really knowing what to do, Sunoo gently parted the lips of his pussy, letting the finger run across the damp, fleshy inside. Immediately, the flesh tingled and a gush of wetness dripped out of his hole, surprising Sunoo. He snatched the finger back, closed his eyes, and leaned against the wall of the shower. Was he really brave enough to finally do this?
Trying not to let himself overthink it, Sunoo brought his hand back down to cup his now throbbing pussy. It was getting excited more quickly than he had anticipated. The words “Pussy-Eating King” came back to him and he pictured Jake’s plush, butter-slicked lips as he spoke. Sunoo began to stroke his finger through his folds until slick dripped over his hand.
Internally, he drowned the sound of Jake’s voice out and focused only on his handsome face: his strong jaw, his full lips, his long nose, the way his tongue darted out to lick his bottom lip before he spoke. Then he recalled Sunghoon; the way his arm felt, heavy and strong, draped over Sunoo’s shoulders and one of his large, pale hands with its bulging blue veins hanging casually right by Sunoo’s ear.
Soon Sunoo was stroking his finger furiously over his inner folds, still too shy to actually push it inside the hole, but getting closer and closer to the extremely sensitive spot at the very top. He knew what that was, though he had never actually touched it.
His next thought had him strongly considering it. It was of Jungwon, and the way he looked at dance practice the other day. He’d been in front of Sunoo in formation when Sunoo noticed the way his hips moved. Fluid, strong. Each time he thrust his hips forward, the outline of his dick shoved against the front of his gray sweatpants. Sunoo had done his best to tear his eyes away from this, blushing and embarrassed to be looking at his friend and leader in such a way.
Now, the thought of Jungwon’s hips had Sunoo finally brave enough to touch his clit. He was so shocked by the intense sensation that he moaned aloud. Clamping his mouth shut, he hoped the others weren’t being quiet enough to have heard that. They probably wouldn’t say anything—Sunoo assumed everyone had jacked off at least once in the shower—but it was still embarrassing. Still, he didn’t stop.
Instead, his thoughts continued to rove. Next, it was the way Jay’s throat looked as he tossed his head back in a loud laugh at something Jake had done. His long neck, tan skin glittering with sweat, leading to strong shoulders shaking with laughter underneath a criminally tight white tank top. The fact that he could probably lift Sunoo up and press him into the wall.
Sunoo’s finger, almost as if it had a mind of its own, began to circle his clit delicately, not quite pressing down. It was unbelievably sensitive, which Sunoo had known, of course, but he hadn’t realized just how good it would feel to touch it directly. More slick slipped out of his hole.
As he rubbed his clit, he thought of Riki lifting up his shirt to wipe at the sweat on his forehead. Jungwon had slapped his abs, giggling as they turned pink. Sunoo groaned as he thought about what it would be like to ride those abs, to smash his pussy into them and drag it up and down. His face burned with shame at the thought. Wasn’t it too strange and dirty? Who wanted to ride someone’s abs? Would that even feel good?
Apparently his body thought so, for he could feel something inside of him beginning to crest. It was like a wave of sublime pleasure, rising from his core, where he was now massaging his clit with two frantic fingers. His legs wobbled and he leaned into the wall to hold himself up.
Was this an orgasm? It felt intense, close and yet somehow still far away. He clenched on the inside unexpectedly, expelling more slick as he did so. While tempted to try pushing a finger into the hole to see if that relieved the insane feeling of being empty, he wasn’t brave enough yet. Still, he needed just one more little push to go over the edge.
So he imagined Heeseung hovering in front of him, wearing that same intense look he had during their concerts and stages. Holding Sunoo’s hips to the shower wall with a strong hand as he used he other to slap Sunoo away from his pussy and touch it himself with one of those long, crooked fingers.
Sunoo gasped, humping his hips forward into his hand as the crest of pleasure broke and his orgasm rushed over him, sending sparks through his vision. He couldn’t believe he’d never done this before. He couldn’t believe he’d been holding back on himself like this.
Panting, Sunoo slipped down the wall to rest on the wet floor of the shower. His hand fell away from between his legs in the aftermath of his first ever orgasm.
All too soon, the last tingles of pleasure faded and he was overtaken with shame. He buried his face in his hands. The water was growing colder, indicating that he had definitely been in here for too long. Jungwon and Jake were going to kill him.
Jungwon and Jake! How he had shamed their memories… how he had shamed all his members by thinking of them while masturbating. What was he going to do now?!
Raising his red face from his hands, Sunoo forced himself to stand up and quickly cleaned himself off. He stepped out of the shower to find that he’d been in there long enough for the mirror to fog over. Wiping at it with a hand, Sunoo pointed to himself in the mirror.
“Get a hold of yourself, Kim Sunoo,” he said.
The red-faced Sunoo staring back at him with big, scared eyes told him that would not be happening any time soon.