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As an alpha, Hoseok is certain of 3 things:
- He has to be the best. At everything.
- Second place is unacceptable.
- He will marry a nice omega and continue his alpha father’s lineage.
These things have been ingrained in him since he was a pup, possibly even while still in his mother’s womb. It doesn’t matter that he’s all of 20 years old with his whole life ahead of him. It doesn’t matter that what he loves most is street dancing, a completely inappropriate waste of time if his father has anything to say about it. It doesn’t matter that marriage and mating are the last things on Hoseok’s mind.
There are expectations. And though the Jungs are not the most prominent family in the tri-city area, they are well-known and appearances matter. Feelings, desires, dreams, on the other hand…none of those things matter. Hence, why Hoseok transferred to a larger, more expensive university to study business for his third year. Because connections matter and his mother is best friends with the wife of one of the deans. The only good thing about transferring schools is that now he’s far enough to not have to return home every weekend.
Thank fuck.
Hoseok loves his parents and he knows they mean well. But…it’s never about what he wants, what he thinks, what makes him happy. It’s always about the family. His older alpha sister, Sera, is the epitome of perfection. Class topper who is now well on her way to being the next co-CEO of Jung Corporations, married to a sweet little omega who is delicate and, most importantly, fertile. Everything Sera touches turns to gold, the true Midas touch.
Although he's relieved to have some much needed distance from his overbearing parents, Hoseok knows his attendance at this university is both to ensure good standing for when he helps take over his father's business and also to meet himself a nice, well-bred omega.
Fucking sucks.
But such is life and Hoseok knows he needs to take the little good he gets, with the bad. And if pretending to be ‘mate hunting’ will shut his parents up and get them off his back, even if just for the semester, he'll take it. Besides, they don't need to know that he has no intention of finding himself an omegan mate. Nope, not Hoseok. He's going to make the most of the next 2 years in every way he can.
Which is why there is a massive grin spread across his face as he reads the paper in his hand, the same paper that was slipped under his door before he woke up this morning. His sea salt scent wafts throughout the room happily. His roommate has already dropped out of school, too homesick to start the actual first semester of the year. Hoseok didn’t mind having a roommate but Hajoon was a bit of a pansy. All bark and no bite. A pathetic excuse of an alpha, or so his family would proclaim. Hoseok is actually a little envious that Hajoon is close enough to his family to actually miss them. What a concept.
Considering classes started two days ago and everyone’s already been paired up, the alpha is lucky enough to have his whole room to himself for the semester. Lee the letter, he’ll be paired with a new roommate for fall semester in September if the school doesn’t find him a new roommate sooner. He really hopes they don’t.
Letting the paper fall to the cluttered floor, Hoseok grabs a basketball and twirls it on one finger, whistling as he leaves his room to head to the cafeteria. He’s elated. And fucking starving.
“Yo, Hoseok-ah!” A voice calls from down the hall.
Hoseok nods his head in acknowledgement as the floor resident advisor waves him over. He can’t for the life of him remember the guy’s name but he’s with another alpha Hoseok has seen around the past few days.
“We’re heading to go eat off campus, get some real grub,” the broad shouldered boy says, rubbing his stomach. “Wanna come with? This is Joonie, by the way, he’s on our floor, too. Down the hall.”
Namjoon nods with a smile that showcases some pretty impressive dimples. Omegas must love him. “Hey, man. I’ve seen you around the floor. I’m Namjoon.”
“Hoseok,” the alpha responds, bumping fists with the dimpled alpha. He can’t help but notice the quick flick of Namjoon’s sharp eyes as he scans the length of Hoseok’s body. Clearing his throat, Hoseok continues. “And, yes, I’m down to eat some real food. Campus food sucks.”
Namjoon laughs, dimples on display and a gleam in his eye. He elbows the boy next to him. “Don’t say that too loud. Seokjin hyung is one of the cooks.”
Seokjin , that’s it! Hoseok sighs internally with relief.
Seokjin frowns. “No, this cafeteria sucks. I work at the one on the other side of campus. Believe me, the walk is worth it.”
“Good to know.” Hoseok follows behind Seokjin who rambles on a mile a minute. So much so that he doesn’t even notice when Namjoon lags behind to fall into step beside Hoseok.
“You a transfer?” He asks, hands in his pockets and face turned to the sky now that they’re outside. The sun bathes him in its warmth.
Hoseok nods, tossing the basketball in the air, blocking the sunlight momentarily and catching it again. “Yeah.”
“You play ball?”
He offers a noncommittal shrug. His father likes basketball so...
“I play with a few friends Wednesday nights. Wanna come?”
Hoseok catches Namjoon’s eye, his steps faltering. There’s something about this big alpha that’s throwing him off. “Yeah, sure. Maybe.”
“Cool. I’ll shoot by your room around 8.” Namjoon slaps the alpha’s back, jogging to catch up to Seokjin who is still babbling nonsense.
Cocking his head to the side, Hoseok watches Namjoon. He seems nice enough. And sure, there’s something…different about him that Hoseok can’t quite put his finger on but he simply shakes his head and jogs to catch up. He’s fucking starving.
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
“You better not be acting like a whore,” Jung Sera orders, her voice firm and accusatory in Hoseok’s ear the second he picks up his phone.
He glances at the phone. 7:14am. On a fucking Saturday.
“Noona—”
“Don’t ‘noona’ me, Hoseok-ah. I know you.”
“And I know you. Congratulations.” Throwing the comforter off his body, he swings his legs up against the wall, his shoulders and head hanging off his bed in a stretch that pops several vertabrae.
“I heard someone in your room last night when I called.”
Hoseok can’t stand how his older sister seems to sound even more parental than their parents. It’s always been like this. Instead of being a reprieve, a safe haven from the storm, a partner in crime, Sera was just another chastising presence in his life with very traditional, very unrealistic expectations. One would think he was some kind of chaebol heir, the way his parents and sister made demands of him.
“And? It’s not illegal to have someone over.” He puts Sera on speaker, letting his arms dangle so his fingertips brush the floor. The stretch along his ribs makes him moan.
Namjoon had convinced him to play ball late last night which is how he met Janelle, a pretty petite omega who was very much impressed by Hoseok’s moves on the court so, of course he had to prove to her that his moves off court were even better. And he did. Twice. It would’ve been three times but Janelle’s friend was butt hurt that Namjoon had turned down her very forward advances and kept hounding Janelle to return back to their dorm. When Hoseok had asked Namjoon why he turned down the very eager omega, the alpha had simply shrugged with a small smirk on his lips. ‘Not my type,’ he had said, slapping Hoseok’s ass and telling him to go smash.
Hoseok doesn’t get it. What’s her face was cute, an omega, and ripe for the taking. Quite literally every alpha’s type. But whatever.
“From the…slurping…” Sera pauses, stifling a gagging noise, “I’m assuming that wasn’t just one of the guys.”
“Never said it was.” Hoseok swings his legs forward, somersaulting off his bed and onto the floor where he scavenges around the floor for a pre-packaged snack. Why is he always so hungry?
“Noona—”
“Hold on, Seokie. Mom’s calling, let me join her to the call.”
“No!” Hoseok fumbles for his phone in a panic. He had been avoiding his mother’s calls for two weeks.
“Hoseok! Why don’t you answer my calls?”
His mother’s voice is shrill with an air of superiority Hoseok doesn’t miss in the slightest.
“Mom, hi!” He says with faux fondness. He wouldn’t have picked up Sera’s call if he knew she was with their parents.
“Don’t ‘hi’ me, young wolf!”
Hoseok rolls his eyes. “Ma, no one talks like that anymore.”
“Don’t ‘ma’ me! Why haven’t you returned my calls? When are you coming home? I heard your sister say slurping? Who is slurping what?”
Bang! Bang! Bang!
“Ay yo, Hoseok!” Seokjin’s voice rings out annoyingly but also oddly savior-like.
“Ma, I have to go. The guys are—”
“Hoseok, we expect you home next weekend,” his mother continues without missing a beat. “It’s your samchon Byeol’s birthday. You didn’t forget, did you?”
Hoseok groans as if physically pained. If there’s one person who’s worse than either of his parents or sister, it’s his mother’s older brother. Byeol is the epitome of a traditional alpha and never failed to condescendingly point out all of Hoseok’s shortcomings to the entire family.
“Come on, bitch. Hurry up or you’re paying!” Namjoon shouts, banging on the door as Seokjin whines loudly in the distance.
“Fine!” The alpha relents. He pauses thoughtfully. “Can I bring someone?”
A gasp, no, two gasps travel through the phone to his ears. “An omega? Hoseok love, have you finally found an omega? Thank Luna!”
He can’t help but to roll his eyes. Wolf? Luna? What is this? The Joseon dynasty?
“No, he’s a friend.” He thinks quickly, Seokjin’s jovial laughter filtering through the thick wooden door. “Seokjin. He’s my RA, really funny. You’ll love him.” And Seokjin is interesting enough to hopefully capture everyone’s interest so they lay off Hoseok a bit.
“Oh.” The disappointed sigh of his mother hits him in the chest. No matter how many he has heard in his 20 years, each one hurts like it’s the very first. “That’s fine. Maybe he’ll be a good influence. Luna knows you certainly need one—”
“Okay, bye, ma!” He interrupts, popping a mint in his mouth, ignoring his toothbrush as he swipes on deodorant and shoves his feet into sneakers.
“Friday, Hoseok!”
“See you, baby brother!”
Hoseok’s finger presses down so hard on the end call button that it turns white from the pressure. His unavoidable return home is now looming over him like the darkest of storm clouds. And it’s only Saturday. He has a whole week to wallow in self pity and somehow bribe his new friend to sacrifice his social life for a weekend with Hoseok’s overbearing family.
But Seokjin is cool, super nice. He’ll definitely say yes, Hoseok is sure of it.
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
Collapsing onto his bed back at his parent’s house, Hoseok releases all of the air from his lungs. The bus ride home was long, the alpha staring miserably out the window as the cityscape gave way to trees and then viridescent pastures. Part of him misses the vast expanse free of buildings and city smog. He misses eating fruit right off trees and rolling up his pants to waddle in streams on his way home from school.
What he doesn’t miss is the way his mother eyed him up and down upon his arrival, somehow finding fault in how skinny he is while also pinching the little bit of flab he’d accumulated on his midsection in the past month. He also doesn’t miss the feeling of always being watched. He wouldn’t even have gotten on the bus if it hadn’t been for Namjoon.
Namjoon because Seokjin sucks and left him hanging this weekend. Okay maybe he doesn’t suck and maybe he only didn’t come because he has to be around for the students on his floor should they need his wisdom. Thankfully, Namjoon is practically a literal saint and was also bored as fuck since his roommate had to go home for some kind of medical appointment. The alpha had come to Hoseok’s rescue with a joyous ‘parents love me!’.
And so far, it’s not a lie. Hoseok’s mother can’t get enough of the gentle giant who won her over with his bashful smile and gift of homemade kimchi (she doesn’t need to know that Seokjin made it and not Namjoon, who could ruin cutting fruit). Namjoon was full of stories of being raised in the big city and even having come in contact with a few idols which had his mother practically starstruck. The pro conversationalist made it so Hoseok barely had to speak, merely chiming in here and there so as not to appear too disinterested. Hoseok owes the alpha big time.
“Is that homemade soap?” Namjoon asks, breezing into Hoseok’s room as comfortably as if it were his own. He’s freshly showered, towel wrapped low around his waist, chest bare and speckled with droplets of water as he towel dries his hair.
“Yup,” Hoseok averts his eyes when Namjoon’s hand reaches for where his towel is tucked in on itself. “My ma makes everything from scratch like a good omega .”
“Wow, if you rolled your eyes any harder they’d pop right out of your massive dome,” Namjoon observes, tossing his towel at Hoseok’s face.
Hoseok grimaces, snatching the towel and snapping it against Namjoon’s naked ass. The alpha yelps, trying to evade the assault in Hoseok’s small bedroom. “Fuck you, Kim.”
“You wish,” Namjoon smirks.
Hoseok falters, an alarm goes off in the back of his mind. An alarm for what, he’s not so certain.
“Anyway,” Namjoon continues, forgoing underwear and pulling on a pair of loose sweatpants. It’s early April but unusually warm so he doesn’t bother with a shirt. “I hit up Taehyung, remember I told you about him? He’s going to talk to his dance coach to see if you can audition for the team.”
“Shh!!” Hoseok leaps from his bed, hand covering Namjoon’s mouth as he slams the door closed, both of them falling against it, chest to chest.
Namjoon’s eyes widen. Then narrow, his scent spiking briefly.
“If ma hears you she’ll tell my dad and then it’ll be a whole fucking mess.” He peels himself off of Namjoon’s chest, the water droplets dotting his friend’s damp body now seeping into Hoseok’s shirt. Their hips bump as Hoseok pushes back and frowns at his shirt. “Aishh. Get your tits outta my face, Joon.”
“Don’t act like you don’t like them. I see you staring.” Namjoon teases, shoulder checking Hoseok before he plops down on his rumpled bed, stretching to make himself comfortable.
“That’s gross,” Hoseok cringes. “And how am I not supposed to look? You’re jacked and tall as fuck. They’re literally in my direct line of vision.”
“Gross? Why?”
“Huh?” Hoseok digs through his bag for his toiletries. He’s exhausted but is more eager to cleanse himself of today’s travels.
“Are my pecs gross or is it you looking at them that’s gross?”
Hoseok blinks, raising his eyes to meet Namjoon’s. The alpha lies on Hoseok’s bed, hands folded under his head, golden skin on display. Too bad the view is wasted on Hoseok.
“Uh? Both? Neither? And I’m not looking.”
“You’re not not looking, though,” Namjoon points out matter of factly.
Hoseok scratches his head uncomfortably. “Bro, you’re an alpha. Quit it. I see muscles and my only thought is that I need to hit the gym.”
Namjoon tilts his head slightly, black hair falling across his dark eyes. He opens his mouth to speak but thinks better of it, shrugging instead. “Go shower. I can smell you from here.”
“Don’t get too comfortable,” Hoseok says, sauntering to the door. “You may be my guest but that doesn’t mean I’m giving up my bed.”
Namjoon’s jaw drops. “You’re making me sleep on the floor? Fucking rude!”
“Extra blankets are in the closet down the hall!” He shouts over his shoulder, leaving the room.
“Fuck you!”
Hoseok smirks over his shoulder, repeating his friend’s words from earlier. “You wish.”
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
Namjoon is a fucking hit with Hoseok’s family, even his father immediately takes to the boy, something Hoseok thought to be an impossible feat. But he supposes he gets it. Namjoon is the epitome of an alpha, strong, intelligent, charming, well-spoken, handsome (he supposes)…he’s quite literally every parent’s wet dream of what an alpha should be.
Unfortunately for Hoseok, he’s not Namjoon. After his father’s cold and formal welcome after returning from a business trip, Hoseok endured the most uncomfortable breakfast of his existence. His father shot questions at him like rapid fire, his frustration growing with each of his son’s answers. What sport was he thinking of taking up? Is his course load too light? (as if having all honors classes was expected to be too easy for him), he needs to eat healthier, build up some muscle, has he found a philanthropy to partake in? Has he met any nice omegas?
After about 40 minutes of Hoseok enduring his father’s grueling fucking Spanish Inquisition style line of questioning, Namjoon politely asks if it’s okay for Hoseok to show him around town for the next few hours. He mentions how Hoseok told him of the town square’s centuries old architecture and a museum that houses ancient artifacts as well as the arboretum that he would love to see. Hoseok’s parents beam at their son, impressed at his eagerness to share their town’s cultural assets. They don’t need to know Hoseok didn’t mention anything other than some good hotteok stalls downtown. Thank fuck for Namjoon and his precious fucking dimples.
“I don’t know how you did it, but even my dad loves you,” Hoseok shakes his head in amusement as he rides his bike from the garage to the street.
Namjoon just grins as he takes Hoseok’s place on the bike, the slightly younger alpha standing on the back pedals and holding Namjoon’s shoulders for balance. “I told you, parents love me.”
**
**
They spend the day riding around town, stopping frequently to try different local dishes that Namjoon hasn’t seen in the city before. Hoseok has more fun than expected showing his friend where he went to school, his favorite hangouts, even pointing out the house of the first omega he slept with in high school.
Namjoon takes it all in stride, his loud laugh helping to release the tension in Hoseok’s shoulders. He does, however, drag Hoseok to the arboretum, talking nonstop as they make their way through the winding conservation. The alpha is obsessed with plants, pointing out different flowers and trees and reciting memorized histories of each without having to steal glances at the informational place cards stationed at each base. Hoseok would normally have to drag himself along, feigning interest, but there’s something about the way the alpha speaks…it’s riveting.
The nature enthusiast refused to gorge himself on lunch, wanting to leave plenty of room for Mrs. Jung’s feast later that night. So instead, the pair ride from food stall to food stall, tasting little bites that they share to save room in their bellies and money in their wallets.
When they return back home, Hoseok’s extended family has arrived earlier than expected and after a quick round of introductions, the alphas scramble upstairs to clean up.
“You clean up nice, kid,” Namjoon elbows him as they stand side by side after dinner, holding fancy glasses filled with fancy wine.
Hoseok hates wine.
“I’m older than you. Kid. ”
Namjoon rolls his eyes which makes Hoseok laugh. “By 7 months. Don’t start asking me to call you hyung…unless you have a hyung kink?”
Hoseok chokes on his wine, biting back a laugh as he nods politely at one of his mother’s friends who passes by. “Fuck you.”
“You—”
“Yeah, yeah,” Hoseok interrupts dismissively. “I wish. Right. So, wanna get out of here?”
Namjoon fakes a migraine that supposedly can only be cured by a long walk in the fresh air. Mrs. Jeon packs them a bundle of medication, hot chocolate and snacks.
Once they’re far enough from the house, Namjoon whips out his phone and arranges for a taxi on the Kakao app.
When Hoseok raises a questioning eyebrow, Namjoon winks. “Let’s get drunk.”
And they do. They hit up several bars downtown, Namjoon paying as a thank you for Hoseok’s hospitality. “Even if you did make me sleep on the floor, bitch.”
Hoseok pays for anju, all the food they consume along with their soju. They feast on chumaek and pajeon, stuffing themselves with tteokbokki and bulgogi even long after they’ve completely filled their stomachs.
The last bar they settle on before returning home is one Hoseok used to frequent when he attended college closer to home and he’s not surprised to find some old friends. He introduces everyone, pointing out Jiho and Doohyun, a beta and alpha respectively, that he had been closest to since grade school. Namjoon easily settles in Hoseok’s old friend group and Hoseok, once again, finds himself in awe of how easily everything comes to the alpha.
Slamming down his shot glass, Namjoon hops up, dragging Hoseok toward the dance floor, steering him toward a group of giggling omegas. It’s easy and relaxed, Hoseok’s blatant flirting mixed with Namjoon’s effortless charm. They dance with the omegas, Namjoon eyeing Hoseok’s moves in appreciation.
“You can dance, huh, pretty boy?”
Namjoon’s mouth is close to Hoseok’s ear, the alpha having to lean down to shout in his ear. Hoseok’s neck flushes, sweat beading at his temples as the slender omega in front of him bends over, grinding against him. He rolls his body slowly, letting her feel every inch of his body against hers. Namjoon chuckles behind him as he himself sways sandwiched between a beta and omega.
The air is thick with the blended pungent aroma of lust-induced pheromones, sweat and slick. The way the nameless omega practically rides his clothed dick makes the alpha think his odds of getting action are pretty high. Nipping the omega’s neck, Hoseok bites his lip before licking into her mouth without hesitation. She is pliant and willing, thin arms wrapping around his neck as his hands slide down to cup her petite ass. He squeezes, finding himself wishing there was just a bit more for him to grab onto. But fuck it, the omega is moaning into his mouth, her own hand wedging in between their bodies as she not so discreetly cups him. Her lashes flutter provocatively and Hoseok’s cock twitches.
“I have a car,” she practically moans into his ear, tugging on his belt.
The alpha doesn’t need anything more to be said. He lets her lead the way, making the most of her backseat in the desolate parking lot behind the bar where her fruity cherry scent becomes sickeningly sweet the closer she gets to orgasming. When she finally does, Hoseok has to hold his breath so as not to choke on the scent, he himself coming shortly after.
He pockets his phone after getting the omega’s number, already knowing that neither of them will reach out again, and makes his way back to the bar where he totally forgot he left Namjoon. He hopes the alpha isn’t uncomfortable being left alone for the better part of an hour. Weaving his way through the parked cars, he wishes he had a cigarette. He doesn’t smoke often but every now and then he craves a cigarette, especially after fucking.
“Fuck…just like that.”
Hoseok slows at the sound of a deep voice murmuring not too far away. It sounds familiar, that deep baritone, a lulling drawl that sparks Hoseok’s interest.
“Come on, baby,” the man continues. “Show me how much you want it. Good pup.”
Another deep voice whines and the initial man groans, muffled expletives escaping his mouth.
Hoseok creeps around a jeep, trying to remain undetected as he shuffles past, hoping not to interrupt when the delicious aroma of caramel catches his attention, his mouth watering. If the omega from the car had smelled half as tempting as this, Hoseok wouldn’t have been able to last as long as he did. He probably wouldn’t have been able to contain his knot if he’s being honest. Whichever alpha is fucking that delectable treat of an omega is one lucky ma—
Namjoon?
Here Hoseok is worried that his friend might feel abandoned, meanwhile, he found himself some delicious omeg—
Is that…
Doohyun? But…Doohyun’s an alpha.
Hoseok blinks, taking in the vision of one of his oldest best friends practically choking on Namjoon’s cock, the charming alpha rolling his hips as he fucks into Doohyun’s mouth one last time, coming with a growl that rumbles deep in his chest. The tall alpha’s shirt is pulled up, tucked under his chin, showing off his defined golden skin.
Hoseok’s skin prickles. His stomach tightens. Backing away, he ducks behind another vehicle and scurries away, not sure how to interpret what he just saw. Namjoon, an alpha, was getting sucked off by another alpha. Maybe Namjoon thought he was an omega? Hoseok shakes his head, knowing very well that every alpha can sniff out another alpha, competition, a mile away.
Which means…he knows. He knows Doohyun is an alpha and still…
“Hey, man. Shots?” Namjoon squeezes Hoseok’s shoulders, popping up behind the alpha by the bar’s entrance. Doohyun follows closely behind, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
“Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure, man.” He follows the alphas back inside, throwing back shot after shot in an attempt to make sense of what he just witnessed. Far be if for him to judge who people choose to fuck around with but…another alpha? How would that even work with no slick? Or knotting. He shivers, imagining how painful that must be.
But then an image pops into his head. One of Namjoon, shirt pulled up, abs glistening as he stares down his nose, hissing as he comes. ' ‘Good pup.’
Namjoon hands Hoseok another shot, smiling at him with that irresistible crooked dimpled smile and Hoseok smells it.
Caramel.
He gulps down his shot without another thought. And then another.
And another.
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
The next few months pass in a blur, the one questionable interaction between Namjoon and Doohyun never brought up or inquired about. The way Hoseok saw it, they were drunk. Wasted. Besides, it’s not like Namjoon fucked Doohyun. It was just a blowjob. What’s a little oral sex between...alphas? No big deal at all. Besides, they’re young and in college. It’s normal to experiment. Right?
Right.
Hoseok’s schedule is packed with classes, volunteering to make it appear like he cares about the betterment of society (which he does but for his parents, it’s merely something to add to his resume), and dance, the last of which his family has no clue about. True to his word, Namjoon had introduced Hoseok to his friend Taehyung who was part of the university’s dance team. Of course, Hoseok nailed the audition, quickly becoming a staple on the team where, along with Taehyung, he befriends Jimin and Jungkook.
Taehyung is a little weird, okay, a lot weird but he has this way about him that endears all his hyungs to no end. His best friend and practically his Siamese twin, Jimin, is quite the character and sassy as fuck. Hoseok is glad he’s on that kid’s good side. Jungkook, on the other hand, is the sweetest human on Earth, constantly blushing and awfully soft spoken for an alpha. But the big, unnecessarily muscular freshman has etched himself a permanent place in Hoseok’s life. He’s always wanted a younger brother. Now, he has 3. Well, 4 including Namjoon. Not to mention, all 3 boys already know Namjoon which makes it easy for everyone to get closer over the remainder of the semester.
As the end of the semester nears, Seokjin introduces the group to Min Yoongi, the upperclassman who will be replacing Seokjin in his role as floor mentor between semesters. Unlike the others, Yoongi is quiet and even a bit sullen, but Hoseok instantly likes him. He especially likes Yoongi’s superbly dry sense of humor and how Hoseok seems to be the only one who can coax the small alpha from his shell. It’s no easy feat and he smirks cockily at the guys every time he makes Yoongi laugh, the small alpha’s tangerine scent spiking more than usual with his giddiness.
“Sunbae hyung,” Jungkook calls out scurrying behind Hoseok as he heads back to his dorm after dance practice. He’s soaked in sweat, short sticking uncomfortably to his chest but he bolts after Hoseok nonetheless, throwing an arm over his shoulders.
“You don’t have to call me that. Hyung is fine,” Hoseok insists. “You’ve been on the team longer than I have.”
“Just by a few weeks and let’s be honest, we all know you’re the best dancer on the team. Well, you and Jimin hyung.”
“Why do you call him hyung then and me sunbae if he’s the best.” Hoseok isn’t complaining. Jimin is clearly the best dancer on the team and has had years of formal training. The type of training Hoseok always yearned for but was never granted.
Jungkook stops at the entrance of Hoseok’s dorm, his eyes big and round. “Because you’re scary during practice. Everyone knows you’re the boss, sunbae.”
Rolling his eyes, Hoseok takes the stairs two at a time to his floor, the younger boy on his heels like the overeager puppy he is. They stop at Namjoon’s door, which is swung wide open and upon peeking inside, they see one half unusually empty.
“Hi, Joonie Hyung!”
“Hey, runt!” Namjoon ruffles Jungkook’s sweaty hair fondly, smiling past him at Hoseok who returns the smile.
“Where’s Minsoo?” Hoseok asks, looking around Minsoo’s now empty half of the room.
“Min-a.”
Hoseok frowns. “Huh?”
Namjoon sits on his bed, back against the wall as Jungkook plops onto the floor at his feet, immediately rummaging through a container Namjoon uses to store snacks.
“Min-a,” he repeats. “She’s transitioning.”
“ She —huh?” Now Jungkook is the confused one and Namjoon bumps his back with his knee.
“Minsoo is Min-a. She’s officially transitioning so she’s home for break and will be back in the Fall. In the omega dorms.”
Jungkook nods, more interested in finding something to fill his growling stomach. But Hoseok has so many questions. Questions he knows he has no business asking. But…
“That’s not common, right?” He opts to ask instead.
“No,” Namjoon shakes his head. “It’s crazy expensive and not covered by insurance but Min-a’s parents are really supportive. It’s a pretty intense process which is why Min-a went home so frequently.”
Hoseok remembers Minsoo—Min-a—disappearing most weekends to return home for appointments. He never would have guessed the bulky alpha was trying to become an omega. And he says just that as he lies on Namjoon’s bed, hooking a leg over Namjoon’s thigh comfortably.
Namjoon smiles patiently, massaging the dancer’s quad gently. “Min-a isn’t trying to be an omega. She already is. She’s just correcting what biology got wrong.”
“Is she still gonna be able to knot?” Jungkook asks suddenly, opening a bag of shrimp chips that he begins to devour mercilessly.
“Kook-ah!” Hoseok reaches out to swat the boy but Namjoon’s hand on his thigh kneads deeper and the dancer becomes putty in his hands.
“I don’t know all the details. There are different ways of going about transitioning but Min-a is thrilled and that’s all that really matters. Besides, he/she/alpha/beta/omega…who cares? They’re still the same person. Cool as fuck.”
Hoseok closes his eyes, emptying his mind as Namjoon works his magic on his sore muscles. He tries to picture what it would be like to have parents that supported him for who he is, no matter what. His parents love him. He knows they do. He just wishes they could see him , not just his subgender. Maybe then they’d see he’s so much more than just a man or an alpha. But a whole person with dreams and passion and potential.
“Must be nice,” he murmurs, practically groans, as Namjoon’s big hands work out a knot in his quad. “We should do something to celebrate when he—I mean, she is back in the Fall.”
Namjoon smiles down at him fondly. “That’s why I like you, Seok-ah. You’re a good person.”
“Yeah,” he laughs. “I’m not too bad for an alpha.”
Namjoon’s hand stills on his thigh and Hoseok opens his eyes to catch his friend’s gaze.
“Person, Seok-ah. You’re a good person. ”
Something in Hoseok’s chest squeezes tight, warmth spreading through his limbs.
“You’re not gonna kiss are you?” Jungkook deadpans, chip halfway to his mouth.
“Fucking—”
“Ah!”
Jungkook tumbles backward when Namjoon lunges at him, Hoseok sandwiched between the two bigger alphas. They wrestle until Jungkook screams with pained laughter and tears run down Hoseok’s cheeks.
Hoseok’s family may not see him for him, but perhaps he’s forming his own different kind of family. One that accepts him unconditionally for who he really is.
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
With Min-a gone, Hoseok and Namjoon decide to room together over summer break that way they’re guaranteed to be roommates come fall semester. They hang out every day anyway and it sure beats getting paired with a weirdo.
They’ve been in the same room for a month now with classes starting back up in two weeks. Unfortunately, Hoseok has picked up two summer business courses on the demands of his parents. Fortunately, that means he didn’t have to go home all summer and had the perfect excuse to skip family vacation in Japan.
Rooming with Namjoon is pretty fucking awesome. He’s such a cool, sincere guy and despite being a bit clumsy and oddly obsessed with miniature things, Hoseok finds himself wanting to spend more and more time with the alpha. They eat together, hoop it up together, study together (Namjoon is a fucking genius), party together…a perfect match. Namjoon’s only fault would be how easily he loses things, like his dorm key or his assignments, which means Hoseok is the one left running around campus after the alpha to deliver the ‘lost’ items. He even loses his clothes which is quite impressive because how does someone constantly lose their clothing? But instead of constantly searching, the built alpha has opted to just wear Hoseok’s clothing. Which Hoseok wouldn’t typically mind except…well, Namjoon is a big boy. Even in Hoseok’s larger shirts, which fall loosely around his slender frame, Namjoon’s muscles bulge through the fabric, straining the seams at places and making it impossible for the dancer to look away.
He’s also horrible with doing laundry, which may have something to do with how his clothes always seem to go missing. It’s become second nature for Hoseok to add Namjoon’s scattered shirts and pants to his own laundry pile. He’s not a neat freak, Hoseok just can’t… handle Namjoon’s scent. Caramel. It’s light and sweet but with a slightly toasted undertone. Buttery. Creamy. So as much as Hoseok doesn’t mind the alpha wearing his stuff, for his own sanity he has to wash said clothing lest he be drenched in that creamy scent that still makes his mouth water.
Hoseok doesn’t ever mention it. Why would he? How would he? ‘Hey bro, I like really fucking love your scent. Wanna cuddle?’ Namjoon would probably punch him in the nuts. But Hoseok does love his scent, and maybe it’s a combination of the fact that it’s caramel and who doesn’t love caramel and also that the scent belongs to someone he has come to cherish. Namjoon makes him laugh. Namjoon makes him think. Namjoon believes in him. Hoseok has always had a lot of friends but Namjoon may very well be his first best friend in his life.
Which is exactly why Hoseok tries to breathe through his mouth when Namjoon gets too happy, excited or upset, head dizzy with notes of delectable caramel. He shouldn’t be thinking of his friend like this. Like he’s…an omega. Namjoon is an alpha. Hoseok is an alpha. There’s no way…Hoseok focuses on their constantly growing friendship instead of feelings he can’t quite name yet. Possibly doesn’t want to name. Ever.
But little things keep happening that aren’t so little to Hoseok; things that make him pause and wonder who he is and when he started feeling this way. Like a couple weeks ago when Jimin and Taehyung came over and refused to leave until they were satisfactorily entertained. Taehyung sat behind Hoseok on the floor, weaving dainty silvery thread through Hoseok's hair until about a million skinny braids stick out at all angles.
Jimin dragged Namjoon to his bed, practically perched on the alpha’s lap as he lined his eyes with kohl liner, smudging the inky color at the edges to emphasize the sharpness of his eyes. He claps his hands after dotting glitter to Namjoon’s cheekbones.
“Hyung, you’re so pretty!” Jimin squeals merrily. “Hoseok hyung, isn’t Joon hyung so pretty? And his eyes, like a dragon!”
Namjoon eyes Hoseok skeptically as if waiting for his typical sarcastic remark but the dancer remains still under Taehyung’s ministrations. Great. Now all he sees are Namjoon’s dragon-like eyes. And full lips. And golden skin. He is pretty. And Hoseok finds himself wondering things…
“So fucking pretty,” he says, hoping it comes off casual or sarcastic and not as shaky and vulnerable as he feels.
Namjoon blushes.
Fuck.
Hoseok jumps to his feet, taking one look at his crazy hair in the mirror and ordering Taehyung to undo the ridiculous braids. Which he does but not until after the two besties take about a million pictures of their hard work.
Since then, Hoseok can’t stop noticing not just that Namjoon is a handsome alpha but what a fucking gorgeous human he is. He’s big and broad but gentle and his dimples, ugh. His fucking dimples. The dancer finds himself staring at the alpha more and more. He remembers the way Namjoon sounded when Doohyun knelt for him. How he groaned so gutterally and how his abs tightened when he came. How he said in that low deep voice of his: ‘good pup.’
He can’t stop thinking about it. Can’t stop wondering if that was a one time thing. Wondering just how often Namjoon did…that. And this is exactly what he’s pondering when he crashes through the door, exhausted after staying late at dance practice. He smells it before he sees anything, the creamy warmth he has come to find so comforting, so reassuring. Only this time, it’s so thick, so intense, he almost chokes on it.
Caramel. Mouth watering and rich. Practically goddam edible. And when he turns around, he sees why. Namjoon’s on his bed, face down, but he’s not alone. Someone is beneath him, someone giggling between broken moans. Someone whose ear Namjoon is nipping at. Someone whose hands are running through his hair. And by the smell of this someone, Hoseok knows it’s an alpha.
Hoseok’s alpha fucking fumes.
“Oh shit,” Namjoon huffs upon seeing Hoseok standing frozen in the middle of the room. His thin sheet slips a few inches, exposing the golden curve of his ass.
“Sorry,” the dancer grumbles, dropping his bag and bolting out of the room. He takes the stairs, practically flying until he’s back outside in the sweltering heat. He lets himself fall to the grass under a large oak tree, eyes squeezed shut. All he had wanted to do was come home and pout until Namjoon offered to rub his feet. Maybe try this new dumpling place his dance coach had mentioned. Walking in on his roommate fucking someone was the last thing he expected. Not just someone. An alpha. Hoseok’s blood boils.
A shadow blocks the waning sunlight, the glow forming a halo around the silhouette.
“My bad, Seok-ah,” Namjoon chuckles bashfully, hand rubbing the back of his neck. “I thought your class ended later.”
“The time changed today because of coach’s schedule.” Hoseok knows his grumble sounds just as pouty as he feels. “Who fucks in the middle of the day anyway?” He snaps.
Namjoon rolls his eyes. “Who doesn’t fuck in the middle of the day? Are you some kinda nun? Come on, Seok. Fucking in a car is okay but a bed at 4pm isn’t?”
Hoseok is painfully aware that he not only sounds pathetic but now he’s realizing just how long it’s been since he got laid. It’s been months. Since that time at the bar back home when Namjoon—wait. Namjoon knows he went off to have sex at the bar? Why didn’t he say anything?
“Whatever.” He waves, pretending it’s no big deal. “Just wasn’t expecting to see your bare ass at 4pm on a Saturday.”
This makes Namjoon laugh loudly. “That’s where you draw the line, huh? You see my ass every day after I shower but 4pm on Saturdays is too far?”
Hoseok sits up, taking Namjoon’s hand to hoist himself up to his feet. “So…an alpha, huh?” He can’t help himself.
“Uh, yeah. I think he’s in one of your boring business classes.”
Great.
“Well, sorry for interrupting.” Hoseok really needs to cut the sarcasm from his tone. He feels like such a bitch.
But Namjoon just shrugs. He stretches his arms up over his head while he yawns, his shirt (Hoseok’s shirt) lifting enough to expose his stomach. “Whatever man, you missed the main event so walking in on a little post-coital kissing is really no big deal.”
Hoseok blanches. It’s obvious what had happened between the two alphas but hearing Namjoon talk about it so casually rubs the alpha the wrong way.
“You good, Seok-ah?” Namjoon squeezes his shoulder, dipping his head a bit to make eye contact. “Your scent is off.”
“Yeah,” he mutters, clearing his throat. “Just tired from practice.”
“Okay. Well, I’m always starving post-fuck. Wanna hit the cafeteria?”
Hoseok needs to get his shit together because the way his wolf is growling internally is not fucking normal. This shouldn’t bother him as much as it does. Or at all, really. So he decides that it doesn’t bother him. Not at all.
“There’s actually this new dumpling place off campus?”
Namjoon grins, dimples making his face light up. “Even better! It’s on me. Consider it an apology for forcing your virgin eyes to be affronted with my ass.”
“Fuck you,” Hoseok grumbles, dragging himself down the walkway.
“Yeah, we both know you want to—”
“Fuck off , Joon!” He laughs which just makes Namjoon’s smile bloom even wider.
“Ah, there’s my boy!”
Hoseok stiffens at Namjoon’s drawl, the taller alpha pulling him into his side as they saunter down the street. He smiles when he should, laughs when he should, and eats and drinks way too much. Because hopefully the louder he laughs and the drunker he gets, he’ll stop smelling that intoxicating caramel. Stop hearing that baritone in his head.
‘Good pup.’
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
Hoseok is struggling. His summer classes seem harder than his regular semester ones, dance practices are more grueling due to the damning summer heat and all he can fucking think about is whether Namjoon is the one being fucked by alphas or the one doing the fucking. Or both. It’s not a big deal though, it’s just interesting. He’s curious. That’s all. He doesn’t know any alphas who prefer alphas over omegas or even betas. So yeah. He’s curious. That’s all.
The thing is, his curiosity only grows with time. He finds himself staring at his roommate while they lift weights at the university gym, mouth going dry as cardboard every time Namjoon beats his personal best at squats and chin ups. Hoseok feels the goosebumps erupting along his skin every time they play ball and Namjoon’s hand drags across his back or waist, or slaps his ass. His hands are so big.
But that’s all physical and blatantly obvious. The guy is huge, of course Hoseok is going to be hyper aware of things. It’s the quiet times like when they’re studying silently in their shared room that Hoseok catches his eyes wandering the length of the alpha. He watches Namjoon chuckle as he types on his phone or can’t look away from the alpha’s furrowed brown as he types his research paper. And the same thoughts keep running through his mind. How would the gentle giant feel beneath Hoseok? How would he feel over Hoseok, caging him in between his thick muscular arms?
Hoseok has failed miserably at the art of subtlety but he has mastered the art of denial quite expertly. If he holds his breath, blocking caramel from his nostrils, and doesn’t stare too long, he can almost believe the lies he tells himself.
Unfortunately, his friends don’t make it any easier. Fall semester has begun and with it, the need to let off steam and slack off. Jungkook lies against Taehyung’s chest as the older alpha makes little twists in his hair. Jimin sits across from Yoongi on the floor, reprimanding him that he should be more active, at least stretch more.
“You’re like a rock, hyung,” Jimin insists. “All you do is lie around and sulk. It’s not healthy.”
“Yeah, and all you do is workout. Your body needs a break. Take a fucking nap, Park. Chill out.” The grumbling senior shuffles backward until he’s sitting in his safe place, beside Hoseok who smiles smugly. Everyone is still jealous that Yoongi naturally gravitates toward the dancer.
“But your endurance—”
“Oh, his endurance is fine. Don’t you worry.” Seokjin bites back a giggle. Yoongi’s ears burn pink as he grabs another beer.
“Ohhhh!” Jimin giggles evilly. “Have hyungs had a little too much fun and not tell anybody?”
Hoseok’s ears perk up. Seokjin and Yoongi? Really?
“Aish, don’t make a big deal about it, Jimin,” Yoongi mutters. “It was a long time ago.”
“Last spring was not a long time ago,” Seokjin corrects with a shit eating grub. “And then there was sophomore year. And freshman.”
“Oh my god, ” Taehyung gushes, shoving Jungkook off of him. “Tell me everything! ”
“Shut your mouth, Kim,” Yoongi warns Seokjin, voice dripping venom.
“What’s the big deal?” Namjoon asks from where he sits at his desk, the only alpha even pretending to study. “Were you dating or just fucking around like Taetae and Jimin-ah?”
“What!?” Hoseok spits out his beer, glancing at the two best friends.
“Oh, you didn’t know?” Namjoon asks. “They’re so obvious.”
Taehyung just shrugs as if they’re talking about the weather and Jimin smirks cockily. “What’re best friends for?”
“Wait, wait.” Hoseok blinks, leaning forward. “So you and Taehyung-ah? And Seokjin hyung and Yoongi hyung?”
What the fuck?
“We only fuck though,” Taehyung clarifies, as if that makes the news any more digestible. “I’d never actually date Jimin. He’s too high maintenance.”
“The fuck I’m high maintenance!” Jimin shouts, immediately sparking a bickering match between the two.
Hoseok can’t bring himself to laugh along with his friends. All this time he never even considered being with an alpha and here are 4 alphas who’ve all at least messed around. Well, 5.
“So…” Hoseok’s mind is racing. “All of you have messed around in some capacity?”
“Not me!” Jungkook says, knees bouncing as he chugs Hoseok’s beer. “But if I had to pick, I’d kiss Namjoonie Hyung!”
Hoseok’s alpha growls.
Namjoon smiles, hand clutching his chest. “That’s the best compliment I’ve ever received, Jungkook-ah.”
Taehyung nods, turning his back on Jimin who pouts. “You def should. He’s an amazing kisser.”
“You kissed Namjoon?” Hoseok practically shouts.
“Technically, he kissed me.” Taehyung wiggles his eyebrows.
“Don’t pretend you’re special. You’re not the only one who got to experience those divine lips.” Jimin’s smirk makes Hoseok’s stomach clench.
“Shut uuuup!” Yoongi cries out, flopping backward and pulling a pillow over his head.
“Yoongi hyung?” Hoseok gawks then turns to flare up at Namjoon. “Is there anyone here you haven’t kissed?”
Why is he so upset by this? Who the fuck cares? Certainly not him. Certainly.
“I haven’t kissed Jungkook-ah,” Namjoon points out. “Or Seokjin hyung. Totally would though. Have you seen hyung’s lips?”
Seokjin winks and blows him a kiss. “Hit me up when you're not living on my floor. I could get kicked out.”
“I got you,” he winks back.
Hoseok seethes. “So you’ve done something or would with everyone here except me, Jimin and Jungkook?”
“I sucked his dick,” Jimin says through a yawn, cuddling back against Taehyung’s chest. Now that Hoseok knows what’s going on between them, they are incredibly obviously.
Wait. “What?”
“Twice,” Namjoon corrects absently, flipping a page in his book.
“Oh, that’s right! I forgot about the festival!” Jimin’s giggling is contagious for everyone except Hoseok.
“But yeah, I wouldn’t kiss Jungkookie. No offense but…you’re like our baby.”
“None taken, hyung. Can I have 5,000 won?”
Don’t ask. Don’t do it, Hoseok. “What about me?”
“Fuck no.”
Hoseok doesn’t appreciate the way Namjoon’s response is so quick and so, so definite. “Why the fuck not? Am I not alpha enough for you?”
Namjoon closes his book with a sigh. “We’re roommates, Seokie.”
“So? Am I not hot?”
Namjoon blinks. “No, yes! Of course you are, Hoseokie.”
“Then why wouldn’t you kiss me?”
“Why would I? You’re my best friend.”
Hoseok’s chest warms. “We’re all friends. So, what’s wrong with me? Am I that unkissable?”
Taehyung and Jimin roll on the floor, hysterical laughter streaming from their mouths. Jungkook sits nearby, laughing whilst shoving chips into his mouth. Beside Hoseok, Yoongi stifles a giggle, patting the dancer’s knee soothingly.
“Seok—”
“No, I get. It’s not like I actually want to but come on. I may not be as hot as these guys,” Hoseok gestures to their dongsaengs, “but my lips are very kissable.”
It’s then that Seokjin takes over, doing a deep dive into why his lips are the most kissable with Jimin being a close second. The debate is ridiculous and may change the subject slightly, but Hoseok’s mind is still on Namjoon not wanting to kiss him. And well after the guys leave and Hoseok is showering before bed, it’s still consuming his thoughts.
He doesn’t want to kiss an alpha. He’s not attracted to alphas. He just feels kinda left out. He scrubs his body in frustration, not understanding why it bothers him so much. He may not be as buff as Jungkook or Namjoon, or as visually stunning as Jimin and Taehyung, or Yoongi…that’s the one that really throws him off. Yoongi is quiet and sullen. How did he and Namjoon even meet? Was it before Seokjin started bringing him around before summer semester?
Annoyed at the situation but more annoyed with himself, Hoseok wraps a towel around his trim waist, not bothering to adjust it as it hangs low on his hips. Once back in their room, he hesitates, watching Namjoon as he searches for his shower essentials.
“Why not?” He blurts out. Ugh. He’s such an idiot.
“Hmm?” Namjoon glances under his bed where he finally finds his shower caddy.
“Why wouldn’t you kiss me? Hypothetically,” he adds as an afterthought.
Namjoon rolls his eyes. “Because. Don’t be weird about it, bro.”
“Don’t bro me.” Hoseok grimaces, hating how much he sounds like his mother and Sera.
“Hoseok–”
“Just kiss me.”
“Stop–”
“Fucking kiss me, Namjoon! Alpha up and–”
Before he can even finish his sentence, Namjoon is on him, pressing him against the door. Their lips meet and Hoseok’s heart is in his throat.
Namjoon’s lips are soft. So soft and as they brush against Hoseok’s, the shorter alpha instinctively parts his own. Not because he wants to, of course, but because he has to prove he’s just as good as everyone else, if not better. Alphas are competitive. That’s all this is.
Big hands land on his hips, gripping gently but firmly, Namjoon’s thumbs digging into his flesh just enough to make him painfully aware of how close their cocks are. Tilting his head, Namjoon slides his tongue into Hoseok’s mouth and holy fucking shit. Hoseok’s never been kissed like this before. So deeply, so passionately, so aggressively.
Namjoon’s presence is overpowering. His body covers Hoseok’s, his scent thickens to a buttery caramel, the same scent that makes Hoseok’s mouth water every night. He would drool if Namjoon didn’t take the opportunity right then to deepen the kiss, Hoseok’s breath stuttering as his hands fly to the alpha’s neck. Namjoon freezes for the briefest moment but when Hoseok only pulls him closer, Namjoon grips him tighter and kisses him harder. Like he’s fighting to hold back and failing miserably.
He’s big. So big. And Hoseok’s body reacts in a way it never has before from just mere kissing. He’s hard. His cock is hard and trapped beneath his flimsy towel with Namjoon’s body molded against his in a fiery embrace.
When they break apart, Namjoon’s eyes drag open slowly. His gaze is hazy. Drunk. But they stopped drinking over an hour ago.
Leaning down, Namjoon nips at Hoseok’s lower lip, making the dancer's cock throb.
Despite Hoseok’s desire for more, he untangles his fingers from Namjoon’s hair, letting his arms fall to his sides. Those dragon eyes (fuck Jimin for pointing out the similarity) are on him, Namjoon’s breath a bit ragged as he eyes Hoseok’s mouth hungrily.
Hoseok is hungry, too. Starving.
A whine is lodged in Hoseok’s throat, so surprising and natural the alpha truly doesn’t know what to do. Sensing his confused hesitancy, Namjoon pulls away swiftly. His hands drop from Hoseok’s hips but not before one last squeeze.
“Happy?” Namjoon smirks, looking down at him. “Now you’re part of the club and can drop it.”
The alpha turns his broad back on the speechless dancer, grabbing a towel and his shower caddy and turning back around, waiting for Hoseok to move. Stepping to the side, Hoseok’s eyes are glued to the taller alpha’s as he passes by.
Hoseok is hard. His heart races and his sea salt scent is thick in the bedroom.
Happy? Hoseok is feeling many things right now. Confusion, lust, frustration, disappointment…but happy? His fingers brush his kiss bitten lips.
He’s not sure. He’s not sure of anything anymore.
When Namjoon returns, Hoseok is under his sheets pretending to be asleep. He hears how quiet Namjoon tries to be, as big and clumsy as he is, and it’s kind of endearing. Which just confuses him more. Because it’s one thing to get turned on by a kiss. That’s just biology. But being endeared? Feeling so soft? Yearning for those arms to wrap around him and those lips to take control of him again…well, that’s not biology at all.
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
They don’t discuss the kiss. At all. Which is exactly what Hoseok wants but he also can’t help but feel disappointed.
That kiss is quite literally the only thing he can think about for two whole weeks. He finds himself in class taking notes and then upon review, finding he had drawn little doodles of Namjoon’s name. Doodles he immediately scratched out beyond recognition.
At night, he stays awake far later than usual, just breathing in Namjoon’s intoxicating scent as the alpha softly snores. He’s even gone as far as to buy a bag of caramels to suck on when his alpha gets too worked up.
His fucking alpha. That's the real problem.
Maybe Hoseok’s parents are right about him after all.
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
Hoseok hops on the balls of his feet a few times, tilting his head side to side and swinging his arms to warm up his muscles. He wasn’t going to perform at the underground dance club but with Jimin and Namjoon’s encouragement, the alpha finally got the balls to sign up. He refuses to think about the fact that Namjoon promised him he’d be there and that he couldn't wait to see Hoseok dance.
All Hoseok wants are Namjoon’s eyes on him and only him. So when the music starts, he blocks out everything, letting the bass vibrate through his body like electricity. He can’t see him but he knows Namjoon is watching. Knows those sharp eyes are on him. Sharp eyes smudged with eyeliner because Jimin helped them get ready tonight and fuck does Namjoon look sexy. His sleeveless shirt exposes his sculpted arms, his tight jeans showcasing his fabulous ass and thick thighs. Hoseok wants to bite them.
He’s been dreaming of Namjoon. Of that kiss. Of so much more than that kiss. It’s to the point where the alpha can’t keep lying to himself. He wants Namjoon. His roommate. His friend. An alpha. He’s completely confused and has learned that all the rationalizing in the world won’t do much to disguise the fact that Hoseok, an alpha, is utterly gone over another alpha. His parents would fucking disown him. His dad might actually kill him.
The music is deafening, the air is thick with various scents and sweat, pheromones filling the dancer’s nostrils as he slides around the dance floor, his body moving to beats the untrained ear is unable to detect. His body rolls, glides, pops and locks, a mesmerizing display of everything Hoseok stifles that he can only express through dance. And when he finishes, the crowd roars, screaming his name as Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook practically tackle him with excitement.
Hoseok is elated, the rush of adrenaline coursing through his body making him lightheaded. And then a pair of strong arms wrap around him from behind, a broad chest pressing into his back, soft lips brushing his ear.
“You’re so fucking amazing,” Namjoon murmurs into his ear, each word dripping with something Hoseok can only describe as awe.
He turns around and hugs Namjoon back because it feels right. Jimin jumps on his back and Jungkook wraps them all in a massive hug as Taehyung demands celebratory shots. Namjoon smiles down at Hoseok and neither alpha has ever been happier.
**
**
The second the door closes behind them, Hoseok grabs Namjoon by his shirt and shoves him onto his bed, climbing on top of him, covering his massive body with his own. Their lips meet instantly, Namjoon’s hands roaming Hoseok’s back, tugging at the fabric of his brightly colored shirt. The shirt is tossed to the side and before Hoseok can react, he’s hoisted up and tossed onto his back, Namjoon looming over him, eyes wild and feral.
Hoseok moans, his friend’s thigh pressing against his already fully hard cock. He ruts his hips upward, pleased when he sees Namjoon’s eyes roll back as they rub against each other. Their lips crash together again and Hoseok feels his whole body burn with desire. He could blame the alcohol or the rush of endorphins from the high of dancing but he knows the truth. He knows the cause of everything he’s feeling is due to the alpha sucking on his neck, his chest, his stomach.
Namjoon unbuttons Hoseok’s jeans, pulling him out and immediately swallowing him down. Hoseok’s whole body goes rigid, white spots dancing behind closed eyelids as the warmth of Namjoon’s mouth massages his throbbing cock. And suddenly it doesn’t matter how many alphas Namjoon has fucked around with, he’s with Hoseok right now. He’s moaning Hoseok’s name around Hoseok’s cock, whimpering like he’s been dreaming of doing just this for far too long.
And truthfully, so has Hoseok. His nights are filled with fantasies of fucking his best friend in every position, watching the big alpha fall apart beneath him. Submit to him. The thought alone makes him fuck up into Namjoon’s mouth even rougher, hands pulling at his messy black hair.
Namjoon hollows his cheeks, Hoseok’s cock sliding deeper than he thought possible and the dancer comes. He comes so hard he can’t breath, can’t see, can’t think. He’s pliant under Namjoon’s touch as the alpha pulls him up and onto his lap.
“Touch me, Seok-ah,” Namjoon murmurs, tongue slipping into his mouth again. He tastes like cum.
Hoseok’s alpha fucking loses it.
Mouths smashing together, Hoseok yanks at Namjoon’s hair, straddling the alpha as he works his hips against him. One hand moves between them, into Namjoon’s jeans and holy fuck, he’s big. His thick girth and fucking roasted caramel scent make Hoseok’s mouth water, drool pooling at the corners of his lips that Namjoon messily slurps away.
They grind and growl, hips rutting against each other, Namjoon’s breath quickening as he nears his release.
“Fuck, fuck, Seok. Seok-ah..”
Hoseok loves hearing his name on Namjoon’s tongue. Loves hearing that deep ass voice get all high pitched and whiney for him.
“You like that, Joon-ah?” He flicks his wrist and the bigger alpha shudders, hands clutching at Hoseok’s waist as he guides his hips back and forth, up and down. “Hm? Tell me you like it, Joon-ah. Tell me you want it.”
“I like it. I want it.” Namjoon is so obedient Hoseok’s entire body is an inferno.
“Good pup,” he murmurs, unable to hold himself back. Namjoon shivers, a throaty groan escaping his lips.
Hoseok jumps off just as Namjoon’s hips begin to stutter. Dropping to his knees, he takes the alpha into his mouth and sucks as hard as he can. Namjoon is huge. Long and thick and fucking perfect. His caramel scent is more potent between his thighs and if he could, Hoseok would fucking eat him whole. And when Namjoon comes, common sense tells Hoseok that his cum is tangy and not at all delicious, but all he smells and tastes is caramel and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get enough.
When Namjoon is able to catch his breath a bit, he easily lifts Hoseok from his knees and tucks him under himself, caging the lean alpha between his arms as he presses languid kisses to his mouth.
Hoseok’s completely spent. Satiated in a way he’s never been before. Maybe it’s because Namjoon is an alpha and he knows exactly what alphas like. Or maybe it’s because…it’s just Namjoon. Legs falling wide open so the alpha can get comfortable on top of him, Hoseok’s arms fall to the sides of his head, letting Namjoon kiss and nip at him, their soft, tired moans becoming white noise in the silence of the bedroom.
Their kisses grow lazy. Their fingers intertwine and go lax. Their breathing slows, steady and even. It doesn’t take long for both alphas to fall asleep in each other’s embrace, Hoseok’s leg hiked up over Namjoon’s hip and Namjoon’s nose buried against Hoseok’s scent gland. And what was once a mix of the ocean and sweet candy, has now transformed their bedroom into something else completely.
Salted caramel.
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
They don’t discuss it. Not at breakfast the next morning. Not while studying between classes. Not while hanging out with the guys after dinner. And definitely not when they fall into bed that night, panting heavily into each other's mouths as they fight for dominance.
But it’s there. It’s there in every look, every slight touch. There is an unseen magnetic pull between them that is undeniable but too terrifying to acknowledge.
They rut against each other, their scents mingling, skin burning beneath heated touches. Clothes are forgotten and inhibitions dropped in the darkness of their bedroom, insecurities and self doubting masked in the cover of night. Moans of pleasure and hisses of ecstasy greet their ears as salted caramel settles on their tastebuds.
But the next morning, everything returns to normal. Breakfast, class, study, dance, dinner…followed by handjobs or blowjobs, lots of kissing and afterwards…plenty of cuddling. Hoseok loves the way the huge alpha feels in his arms as he dozes off while they watch Squid Games on his laptop. Hoseok really loves the way Namjoon will eventually turn around and shove his nose into the dancer’s neck, licking and scenting him even while asleep.
And so it continues for weeks. Bros by day and something else by night. They don’t discuss it at all in the light of day. As if not addressing the wolf in the room means it’s no big deal. Hoseok can almost pretend that whatever it is that’s burning between them doesn’t exist outside of their bedroom.
Only it does. And the jealousy he feels when he rounds a corner outside of the science building and spots Namjoon laughing with another alpha, well, that is all too real. And when Hoseok takes a closer look and realizes the alpha talking to his alp—his roommate— is the very same alpha that Namjoon fucked in their room weeks ago, his own alpha roars ferociously within him.
The alpha leans into Namjoon, speaking words meant just for the two of them and Namjoon smiles. His stupid fucking dimples making the shorter alpha practically swoon. Namjoon chuckles, stepping back with a little helpless shrug before turning away and heading back in the direction of their dorm.
Just minutes later, Hoseok bursts through their door, slamming it behind him. Namjoon eyes him with surprise, eyebrows raised as he unpacks his school bag.
“You good, Seok-ah?”
Good? Is he good? How could he possibly be good when Namjoon is blatantly flirting with other alphas right under his nose? Deep down, Hoseok knows he holds no claim on Namjoon. They’re not boyfriends, they’re not anything really. Just friends. And roommates. Who apparently fuck around. And…cuddle.
“Saw you talking with Hajun,” he says with an air of indifference that he knows Namjoon doesn’t buy.
“Oh, yeah. I ran into him after labs. What were you doing around the biology department?”
Hoseok’s hackles rise on his neck. “Was I not supposed to be there?”
Namjoon frowns, pausing before laying out the rest of his items and sitting at his desk. “Why would you even ask that, Seok?”
Hoseok shrugs, opening one of his business text books, pretending to be completely entrenched in the boring text. Seconds turn to minutes and after an hour of what feels like tense silence, Hoseok sucks his teeth in annoyance. Without looking up, he asks, “so what were you two talking about? Seemed…intimate.”
“It was.” Namjoon’s matter of fact tone makes Hoseok's body burn with jealousy. “If you must know, he offered to help me during my rut next week.”
Hoseok blanches. The thought of Namjoon pounding into someone else in his most vulnerable state, infuriates the dancer. Someone else’s name on his tongue, someone else’s flesh squeezed between his fingers. And it makes no fucking sense because, sure they’ve fucked around for a few weeks but they haven’t had sex. They’re both alphas. How would that even work? But if Hajun is offering to help…
“I didn’t know your rut was coming up.”
“I literally wrote in on our shared calendar,” Namjoon states, gesturing to where a calendar hangs on their wall.
Hoseok is seething, trembling with rage and he doesn’t know how to stop it. “Well, have fun.”
Namjoon drops his pen, brow furrowed. “Excuse me?”
“I said: Have. Fun. Have fun fucking your little alpha senseless.” He needs to stop talking. He knows he’s being utterly ridiculous but he’s pissed, and his alpha feels more than a little rejected. Why wouldn’t Namjoon ask him to be his rut partner?
“I told him I’d get back to him. I wanted to talk to you first.”
Now Hoseok really doesn’t know how to respond. But images of Hajun leaning into Namjoon’s personal space and Hajun lying in Namjoon’s bed assault his mind.
“Why would I fucking care?” Stop talking, he orders himself, but he’s never been very good with diffusing situations. “Fuck whoever you want. I don’t care.”
Namjoon’s jaw clicks, clenching so hard a thin vein bulges at his temple. “You know what, maybe I will take him up on his offer. Since you obviously don’t give a fuck.”
“Obviously,” Hoseok scoffs, slamming his book closed and standing to his feet. He grabs his bag. “Fucking knock yourself out. And knock him out while you’re at it.”
“Hoseok.”
He’s being an asshole. Hoseok knows he is but he also doesn’t know how to stop. “Do whatever the fuck you want, Joon. I’m not your keeper.”
Hoseok stops at their door, eyes shooting daggers at Namjoon. “But don’t even think about fucking in my room. Find somewhere else to go fuck your pretty little alpha.”
“Fuck you, Seok.”
Hoseok glares, nose flaring and sour sea spray scenting the air bitterly. “You fucking wish.”
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
Trudging up the stairwell, Hoseok massages the back of his stiff neck. He spent the night at Jimin’s dorm, claiming to be too tired to walk back after they grabbed a late night snack. And despite how little he wants to see Namjoon’s stupidly gorgeous face, sleeping on Jimin’s floor was one of the worst decisions of his life. Waking up to the sound of Jimin and Taehyung making out was not on his bingo card for the semester. Namjoon should be in lab so maybe Hoseok can catch a quick nap before heading to his last class in a few hours.
Hoseok smells it from down the hall. He looks around at the group of alphas gaming in the common room as he passes by. How do they not smell it? Caramel. But not the buttery smooth delicacy Hoseok has had the pleasure of sinking his teeth into every night for weeks. Burnt caramel. It stings Hoseok’s eyes and throat and he almost half expects smoke to be seeping from under his door as he approaches.
He doesn’t know what to expect when he opens the door but Namjoon, pale faced and lightly perspiring, was not it.
“Go away,” the alpha grumbles, voice and expression strained.
Any concern Hoseok may have felt is shoved aside by his pride. “It’s my room, too, asshole. You can’t just order me to—”
“Get out!”
Hoseok recognizes the desperation in his roommate’s tone. He’s in rut.
“You said your rut was next week.”
“Well, I was wrong,” Namjoon hisses bitterly. “Came early. You-set-it-agh!”
Hoseok watches Namjoon press his lips together and squeeze his eyes shut tightly, a single bead of sweat sliding from his temple to his throat.
“Ah-should I call Hajun—”
“No!”
“Don’t fucking yell at me! I did nothing to you. I told you to do whatever you want!” Hoseok feels panic rise in his throat. He doesn’t know what to do. The pain written across Namjoon’s face isn’t typical of an alpha just going into rut. It’s as if he’s in the thick of it. “Hajun—”
“I don’t want him! Don’t you fucking get it?” Namjoon’s head shoots up, eyes rimmed red and nostrils flaring.
Hoseok hesitates. They’re toeing the line here. Dancing around the obvious and the alpha doesn’t know if he’s ready to hurtle himself past that line.
But not everything is up to him because Namjoon curls over, head touching his knees, arms wrapped around his midsection. He’s holding Hoseok’s pillow, breathing into it deeply and that tiny detail sets of Hoseok’s alpha. He can leave right now. He can call Hajun or the campus rut/heat emergency service line and just stay with Jimin or even Seokjin for the next few days. Yeah, that’s what he’ll do.
But even as he mentally finalizes his decision, he steps forward cautiously until he is directly in front of Namjoon. His hand slips through the alpha’s sweaty black hair, blunt nails scratching at his scalp and Namjoon’s shoulders visibly relax. It’s with a gentle touch that Hoseok lifts Namjoon’s chin, his own eyes now rimmed red, tongue moistening his lips as he takes his pillow off the alpha’s lap, letting it fall unceremoniously to the ground.
“I got you, Joon.”
Namjoon’s eyes close with a sigh, head falling against Hoseok’s waist in exhaustion.
“Alpha.”
Namjoon’s entire body goes rigid, hyper alert. “Seok?” His voice is gruff and uncertain as he suppresses his howling wolf.
Pulling Namjoon to his feet, Hoseok walks them backwards, not breaking eye contact even after they fall onto his bed, the bigger alpha’s weight bearing down on him heavily. Something about this moment feels so right.
“Fuck me…alpha.”
And Namjoon does.
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
Hoseok limps to the door, opening it a crack. “Sorry,” he mumbles to the delivery boy who scrunches his nose, salted caramel so thick and pungent he can barely breathe. Namjoon growls from somewhere behind Hoseok. “I paid on the app, thanks!”
He grabs the bag of fried chicken and beer and locks the door behind him, adjusting the towel at the door’s base to keep their combined pheromones from overtaking the whole floor. He had wanted to get Namjoon real food, maybe some soup or something to soothe the alpha as his rut nears its end, but he refused to let Hoseok out of his sight other than quick trips to the bathroom.
“Can you quit it with the growling already?” Hoseok rolls his eyes, making a plate for Namjoon who lies on Hoseok’s bed under the covers. Even with burning skin, the alpha insisted on sleeping in the dancer’s bed, claiming his sea salt scent is the only thing that calms his alpha. Hoseok pretended to be annoyed and he’d never admit it but deep down, his alpha fucking preened at the compliment.
“I can’t help it if I don't want you far,” Namjoon pouts, so cute and petulant, Hoseok has to swallow a coo.
Hoseok’s chest flutters. “Here, eat. You haven’t had anything all day.”
“I had you.” Namjoon leans out of the bed to bite the meat of Hoseok’s upper thigh, just visible beneath the seam of his shorts. His very short, shorts.
“Ouch!” The dancer yelps, jumping away and slapping away Namjoon’s outstretched hand. “Watch it, buddy! I’m not some delicate omega. I’ll fucking throat punch you.”
Namjoon yanks Hoseok down on top of him. “I know,” he smirks. “I love it.”
Fuck, alphas can be so insufferable. How do omegas put up with them? Hoseok shakes his head, eventually breaking free from the alpha’s grip, handing him a full plate of fried chicken. He slaps Namjoon’s hand away when he reaches for a beer.
“But—”
“No buts. The beer is for me, I deserve it. You need to hydrate.” Hoseok sits on his bed beside Namjoon, taking a long gulp from the can, sighing as the refreshing liquid quenches his thirst. He’s relieved when Namjoon doesn’t challenge his orders.
His relief is short-lived.
Namjoon crawls over him, scenting his neck possessively. “Look at you, taking care of me like a good alpha. Mmmm. So good to me.”
Goosebumps break out along Hoseok’s entire body, his stomach clenches with want. If only he weren’t so fucking sore. “Back off, Joon. My ass isn’t built for this.”
“I beg to differ. Your ass is perfect.” Namjoon mouths at his neck and Hoseok sighs, leaning into the touch.
He was scared at first, terrified of the unexpected when Namjoon’s fucking monster cock aimed for his surely too small hole but they made it work. Fuck, did they make it work. It took a shit ton of lube and extensive foreplay to loosen the alpha up but Hoseok found that having Namjoon’s fingers, then tongue, then cock in his ass wasn’t too bad. Fuck, it was heaven, actually. He’s never felt so full, so satiated, so desirable and wanted. Needed.
Namjoon fucked Hoseok within an inch of his life countless times the past two days, leaving the dancer feeling like he’s bursting at the seams with the other’s never ending cum. He realistically knows it had seeped out of him but he still felt so fucking full. If he could find a way to keep everything Namjoon pumped into him inside, he would.
“I don’t—I think I need a break,” he admits meekly, his hand trying to remain steady and not drop his beer all over Namjoon’s untouched plate of food.
Namjoon freezes above him, eyes clouding with confusion. Even though his rut should be over in the next day or so, his mind still becomes hazy at times.”You don’t want me?
Hoseok brushes the alpha’s hair from in front of his eyes. God, he loves those eyes. “Of course I want you, Joon-ah. Fuck, I always want you.”
“Mmm, good,” Namjoon murmurs into Hoseok’s neck. He nips the sensitive skin over his scent gland and Hoseok shudders, wanting more.
“I’m just…sore.” He doesn’t know why he’s shy admitting this. Namjoon has literally seen, touched and licked every crevice of the dancer’s body in the past two days. And yet, needing a break feels very un-alpha-like to him. He should be able to go forever without needing a break. That’s just how alphas are built. Granted, his ass is also one of an alpha’s, not pliant and made to take cock, leaking sweet slick to make the experience not only bearable but also pleasurable.
“Wanna fuck me, baby?” Namjoon’s voice is deep but gentle, eyes wide and innocent as the not so innocent words filter to Hoseok’s ears.
And Hoseok short circuits. “Yes. Yes, I do. Very much.”
He’s suddenly not so sore, not so exhausted, the mere thought of ramming Namjoon into the mattress making him hard as blood pumps south.
Namjoon pulls down his boxers, a mere formality as Hoseok insisted it’s insanity to eat while naked, and lays face down on Hoseok’s bed. Tucking his legs beneath him, he presents himself to the alpha, head turned to the side as he blinks up at him. “I like it rough, alpha.”
Hoseok’s hand shakes as he lubes up his fingers, a low rumble in his chest as he sinks one, then two fingers inside of the big alpha beneath him. Namjoon pushes back onto his fingers, practically fucking himself on Hoseok’s hand, whining into Hoseok’s pillow, hands fisting Hoseok’s sweat soaked sheets, mouth whining Hoseok’s name. Their combined scents do something to Hoseok he’s never experienced before. And when he lines himself up, hands gripping Namjoon’s perfect, muscular ass, Hoseok’s breath is stolen from his lungs.
“So-fucking-tight,” he hisses through clenched teeth. Namjoon is so tight, all Hoseok can feel is his heat around him. He pauses, partly to give the other alpha a chance to adjust but mainly for himself, not wanting to bust a nut within five seconds of breaching the entrance. Namjoion mumbles something into the sheets and Hoseok leans down over his back, whispering in his ear. “What is that?”
Namjoon shifts his head to meet Hoseok’s eyes. The alpha’s gaze is glossy, cheeks red, irises even redder. He’s gorgeous. “T-tight for you, a-alpha.”
A deep sense of satisfaction rolls through Hoseok as he pulls himself back up, hoisting Namjoon up a bit more by his hips. “Want alpha to fuck you stupid, baby?”
Namjoon does whine this time and his deep baritone is music to Hoseok’s ears. “Please, please, alpha. Pl—ahh!”
Hoseok rams into him from behind, pace relentless and grip on his thick thighs uncompromising. There will surely be bruises shaped like the dancer’s fingertips come morning, Hoseok makes sure of it. Stars dance behind closed eyelids that he tries to keep open because, fuck, Namjoon looks like an angel falling apart beneath him. There’s something about him, about this big, confident, dominating alpha blubbering Hoseok’s name as he begs for ‘more, harder, Seok-ah!’
And Hoseok gives it to him. Whatever Namjoon asks, Hoseok delivers ten fold because the alpha wants—no, needs —to take care of his alpha. Needs to have his sheets and mattress stained with Namjoon’s tears, drool and cum. Needs it like he needs air. Hoseok yanks Namjoon up by his shoulders, hand wrapped around his throat as he fucks into him roughly, their height difference giving the dancer the perfect angle to drive directly into the alpha’s prostate.
Namjoon cries, begs to be fucked hard, presses on Hoseok’s hand until Hoseok squeezes his throat so hard it makes it difficult to breathe. And he can’t help himself. One hand gripping his throat and the other working his cock, Hoseok nips at Namjoon’s scent gland. Thick caramel, toasted and saccharine, coats his tongue and it’s all Hoseok can focus on. He wants more. More of Namjoon.
Leaning back onto his heels, Hoseok uses his hands to guide Namjoon up and down on his cock.
“Fuck, Joon-ah, fuck. I’m gonna come, I–”
“Come in me, alpha,” Namjoon growls gutterally, head thrown back in ecstasy. “Fucking come all over me, make me yours, alpha. All yours.”
Hoseok groans as he pumps Namjoon full of his cum, continuously pistoning his hips in and out so his cum seeps everywhere. It leaks from Namjoon’s abused hole, dripping down his unbelievably thick thighs and onto Hoseok’s own slimmer, but toned, thighs. The alpha watches it drip, something animalistic inside of him snapping. Carefully lying Namjoon down on his belly, Hoseok spreads the alpha’s reddened cheeks and licks. He licks and sucks the other alpha clean, craving more, always craving more. It’s not until he’s fully cleaned Namjoon with his tongue that Hoseok’s alpha sits back, satisfied and proud of the blissed out state of his alpha.
“Seok…-ah.” Namjoon’s voice is as weak as he is, limbs limp like over-saturated ramen. He grunts, trying to sit up.
Hoseok,nor his alpha, will have any of that. He presses down on Namjoon’s shoulder, his lips kissing it shortly after. “Relax, baby. What do you need?”
“Dunno.” Namjoon’s eyes water. “I dunno. Alpha?”
“Shh, alpha’s here, baby. Rest, I’ll take care of you.” Hoseok goes to move, surely they have wet wipes or something similar somewhere. Or had Namjoon used them all on Hoseok’s spent hole?
A hand reaches out, Namjoon’s trembling lips trying to form unrecognizable words. But Hoseok doesn’t need to hear him to know what he wants. What he needs. Pulling back the sheet soaked in their fluids and pheromones, Hoseok slips into the bed beside the alpha, wrapping his arms protectively around him. He hums, the vibrations of his chest lulling Namjoon to sleep, the big alpha curled as small as he could possibly be against Hoseok’s side and within moments, he’s asleep.
Hoseok sighs, mind, body and alpha completely content. He feels like he could run a marathon. He should clean up the room, air it out maybe. Nah, Namjoon would kill him if he emptied the room of their perfectly blended scents. But he should definitely get the alpha something more nutritious than fried chicken. Yes, he’ll just run to the–
He pauses, breath hitching in his throat. Looking down at his alpha, Hoseok’s gaze softens and an overwhelming sense of something so much more than fondness fills him.
Namjoon is purring.
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
It’s the morning after Namjoon’s rut has finally come to an end and Hoseok is freaking the fuck out. It was one thing when they were locked in the bubble of their bedroom, safely hidden from judgmental eyes, including his own. But out here, out in the real world, the shame of what he had done hits Hoseok straight in the chest.
It starts after Namjoon wakes him up with lazy morning kisses that stir his alpha awake. His mind is still hazy and limbs lethargic but he sighs contentedly as Namjoon whispers sweet nothings in his ear and asks to take him to dinner later. Hoseok didn’t even think twice when he says yes.
Then Hoseok stepped outside of his door. There were a few curious glances his way as he shuffled down the hall, trying his best not to look like he just spent three days getting fucked in the ass for the first time. Namjoon was kind, taking care of him and helping to apply a soothing balm that was supposed to help alphas in these types of…situations. Hoseok didn’t doubt what they were doing at all while it was happening, but in the light of day with no sheet to hide beneath, Hoseok feels raw. Exposed. As if everyone around him knows he took it like a fucking omega.
He knows that no one knows. It’s impossible. Maybe. Or is it? They hadn’t been particularly quiet as they moaned each other’s names and now the dancer can’t help but feel like throwing up at the thought that his floor mates might know his secret. Is it a secret? It shouldn’t have to be, right? Or maybe it should.
Hoseok looks around as he walks to the studio where the dance team meets. He sees a fellow dancer, Derek, talking to his girlfriend before practice. Hoseok knows both are betas. Behind them in the distance is an alpha with his omega, and another similar couple to Hoseok’s right. Everywhere he looks there’s one common theme. All the couples are traditional subgender pairs. What would he and Namjoon look like in the midst of those couples? Would they blend in or stand out like two sore thumbs? Something tells him it’s the latter.
Fear grips his heart as he lowers his head and quickens his pace to enter the studio. If he keeps spiraling like this, he’s going to lose his mind. And if one thing could help him, it’s dance. Moving his body has always given him the freedom to be himself, to clear his mind. It’s always the cure, regardless of the ailment.
But not today. Today, Hoseok is winded and his tailbone aches with every twist of his back. And when he stumbles after a leap that he’s effortlessly completed a million times before, Hoseok’s coach orders him to sit in the back and stretch for the remainder of practice. Hoseok can’t help but resent his roommate for his current predicament.
“I’m fine,” he mutters when Taehyung asks him for the third time if he’s okay.
“You don’t look fine,” Jimin counters with a concerned frown. “You hissed every time you tried that spin. You look exhausted. Did you sleep at all the last few days?”
Hoseok hangs his head as he digs through his duffel bag, trying desperately to hide his blush. Of course he fails.
Taehyung narrows his eyes. “You’re being weird. Wait, what did you do all weekend? You haven’t messaged in the group chat since Thursday.”
“You’ve been fucking!” Jimin gasps suddenly and— what the fuck? Is he some kind of wizard?
“Shut the fuck up, Jimin! ” Hoseok hisses, trying to resist the urge to strangle his dongsaeng.
“Fucking wouldn’t make him like this unless—” Taehyung freezes, a slow smirk tugging at his lips. “Have you finally joined the club, hyung?”
Hoseok purposely doesn’t make eye contact. He needs to get the hell out of here. “Club?”
“The liberated alphas who like to get fu—”
Hoseok blanches and thankfully, for once, Jimin comes to his rescue.
“Shut up, Taehyungie!” Jimin turns to Hoseok, lowering his voice. “So…who popped your cherry?”
Or not.
Hoseok needs new friends.
They follow him outside like two puppies, yapping incessantly until he finally turns around and shouts, “Joonie! Okay? Fuck!”
Jimin’s jaw drops.
Taehyung claps happily. “I knew it! I see the way you two look at each other! Like you’re in looove.”
“I will fucking murder you in your sleep, I swear to god.” Hoseok flops back onto the grass, realizing he can’t go back to his room until he’s sure Namjoon has left for his last class. He has an hour to kill.
“But it’s true!” Jimin lies on his tummy next to him, legs swinging excitedly. “You two are really cute. Like really cute. He’s crazy about you.”
Taehyung nods emphatically, tugging at his ginormous sweats so he can settle down beside them. “He talks about you non-stop.”
“He does?” That’s…interesting.
“Hell, yeah. It’s always Seok-ah this and Seok-ah that," Taehyung rolls his eyes.
Jimin laughs, imitating the other alpha. “‘Oh, Seokie loves candy, can I have extra for him?’ ‘Seokie is such an amazing dancer!’ ‘No one’s funnier than Seok.’ ‘Can I invite Seokie?’”
“Shut up,” Hoseok grumbles, heart pounding in his chest. “It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like?” His friends ask simultaneously, without missing a beat.
He clears his throat, suddenly very interested in the blade of grass he keeps tying in knots. Did Namjoon really talk about him like that? He can’t help the pleasant warmth flushing his neck. “Uh, well, we’re best friends. And roommates. You know how it is.”
“Yeah. Best friends and roommates who fuck,” Jimin deadpans matter of factly. “What’s the big deal?”
“Oh my godddd, ” Taehyung gushes dramatically, clutching his chest. “You love Joonie hyung, too! I fucking love this! Can I be your best man?”
“I don’t—what is wrong with you two?” Hoseok exhales slowly, frustrated and flustered beyond measure. “I don’t—we aren’t—just, just because we’re close doesn’t mean—”
“Hold the fucking phone.” Jimin sits up suddenly, ears perking up and nose twitching. “You still smell like him.”
Oh no.
“Joonie hyung’s rut came on early.”
Fuck.
“Are you telling me ‘it’s not like that,’” Jimin air quotes, “when you helped him during his rut?”
Yes. He’s a wizard, there’s no other explanation. “Can we please not talk about this out in public? Or ever?”
“What’s the big deal?” Taehyung asks, prying Hoseok’s hands from his eyes. “So, you’re bros who help each other out. That’s sweet.”
“Orrrr,” Jimin interrupts, lowering his voice mischievously, “they’re totally, completely in love!”
“We are not!” Oh my god. Hoseok is going to die.
“Oh, okay. Denial, I get it. We’ve all been there.”
“Where?” Hoseok asks curiously despite his better judgment.
Jimin sighs, patting the alpha’s knee. “The first time you take it up the—er, um, the first time you bottom can be pretty overwhelming. Confusing even. But also kinda liberating, right?”
Liberating isn’t exactly the word that comes to Hoseok’s mind. He checks his watch with a weighted sigh. Forty minutes to go until Joon should be off to class.
“Hyung, are you okay?” Taehyung’s face is now serious and a serious Taehyung is never a good thing. “Did he…did you not…want to?”
“Ohmygod, no. Stop, please.” Hoseok jumps to his feet, dusting off his sore ass. “Namjoon did not force me into anything. It all just kind of happened. It’s not like it was planned and now that his rut is over, we’re back to normal.”
Lies.
Taehyung and Jimin cock their heads like the identical devious little gremlins they are. It’s Jimin who speaks up next.
“Hyung, you do know that it doesn’t make you any less an alpha if you bottom, right? Nor does it make you any less of an alpha if you like it.”
Hoseok can’t listen to this anymore. The longer he stays here discussing this topic, the more he wants to hide in a hole somewhere.
“Oh shit.” Taehyung’s eyes widen, his back straightening as he peers past Hoseok.
“Hey guys!” Namjoon smiles, coming up to them, dimples beautifully on display with the soft rays of the sunset washing over his handsome face.
“I gotta go. See you tomorrow!” Hoseok spins to head in the opposite direction when Namjoon wraps his giant hand around his wrist.
“Hey,” he lowers his voice. “We’re still on for dinner, right?”
Hoseok pulls away from his touch, pretending to adjust his duffel bag. “Uh, yeah sure. See ya.”
He dashes off, wishing he could run but his sore lower back prevents him from doing so. And because he keeps his eyes trained forward, he misses the concerned expression on Namjoon’s face. He just needs some time to think. He’ll tell Namjoon at dinner that whatever is going on between them isn’t going to work. Maybe he’s got this all wrong and the alpha will just laugh at him for thinking such preposterous things. They’re friends, close friends. That’s all.
That’s all.
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
Hoseok cancels dinner plans that night. He says he just realized he has a business proposal due the next day and will be in the library all night.
Hoseok:
Sorry, man. I gotta get this done.
Joon-ah:
Oh.
Okay, I understand. Do you need help with the proposal? Or company? I can bring you something to eat?
Hoseok:
Nah, I’m good.
Trying to watch my weight anyway.
I sound like an elephant every time I dance.
Joon-ah:
That’d be funny if there was even a remote chance it was partly true.
You’re perfect.
Hoseok:
Gotta get back to this.
The next day, he messages Namjoon again.
Hoseok:
Got an extension so I’ll be working on it til late.
Don’t wait up.
Joon-ah:
So…no dinner?
Hoseok:
I’m sorry. I know I said we could go but I have to get this done.
On the third day, Hoseok can’t bring himself to lie to his best friend and relents, unable to bear the alpha’s sad demeanor. Namjoon’s face wasn’t built to frown and it makes Hoseok feel sick to be the cause of his disappointment. Between Namjoon’s sad sighs and tossing and turning at night, lying alone in his bed, Hoseok can’t keep putting off the inevitable. He does wonder if Namjoon’s bed feels as cold as his own.
Instead of their favorite spot closer to campus, the dancer suggests a small, less frequented, restaurant out of the way, somewhere he’s sure they won’t run into anyone they know. He doesn’t want anyone to hear when he puts an end to whatever it is they thought they were doing.
Once they’re seated and given their drink order, Hoseok gulps his beer like his life depends on it. He rests his hand on the table by his glass, fingers tapping anxiously. Namjoon reaches out, long fingers brushing and then curling around Hoseok’s but the dancer pulls away to cover his mouth as he fakes a cough, letting his hands settle in his lap.
“How’d your proposal come out?” Namjoon asks after ordering for them. He always orders for Hoseok as they have the same food preferences and like to share their plates to be able to try more dishes.
“Uh, it was fine. The usual.” Hoseok wracks his brain. Had he made up any false details about the proposal or did he leave it generic? He hopes Namjoon doesn’t press for specifics.
“How’s dance been?” Namjoon tries to spark conversation, eyes a bit concerned. “I was worried when you went on Monday. That probably wasn’t the best idea, I know your back was still hurting—”
“I was fine,” Hoseok interrupts, shutting his mouth when the waiter returns with their food. He smiles tightly, relieved when Namjoon gives up on trying to engage him and just takes over the whole conversation.
Namjoon starts off complaining about his lab partner for his final project, some omega that is really smart but only cares about k-dramas.
“Bet you wish you were paired with an alpha,” Hoseok mutters under his breath.
“Hmm?” Namjoon snatches the juiciest dumpling and places it on Hoseok’s plate, reaching for the rice next.
Hoseok quickly fills his own plate, Namjoon’s chopsticks frozen in mid air as the dancer begins shoveling food in his mouth.
“Seok-ah?”
God, he loves Namjoon’s rich baritone. “Yeah, what’s up?”
“I wanted to thank you…for taking care of me during my rut.”
Taking care of me. Not for offering up his ass to be fucked, but for his care.
“Oh uh, don’t mention it. I didn’t mind.”
“You didn’t…mind?” Namjoon hesitates before continuing, clearing his throat, his finger delicately tracing the rim of his glass. His voice comes out a bit pensive. “I know you haven’t ever…before. It’s a big step to have your first time be during someone’s rut. I guess I just want to make sure you’re okay. You’ve been kind of distant the past few days.”
Hoseok feels terrible. He glances around before timidly brushing Namjoon’s hand with his own. “Of course I didn’t mind taking care of you,” he admits honestly. As if he’d let anyone else within an inch of his alpha during his rut.
Fuck. Calling Namjoon his alpha during his rut was one thing. During dinner on a Wednesday night after a day full of classes and dance? Unacceptable. Because Namjoon isn’t his alpha. He can’t be. Hoseok is an alpha. End of story. Except…
Except Namjoon keeps looking at him with those confused puppy dog eyes of his, as if wondering if he did something wrong. Hoseok doesn’t hold his hand, despite how much he might want to. He doesn’t tuck himself into his side on the way back to their dorm like usual. And he doesn’t change in their room after he showers, opting to get ready for bed in the floor’s shared bathrooms.
Once back in their room, Hoseok stiffens, wondering if Namjoon will expect to have sex. Does he consider their dinner a date? Was it a date? Even though he just showered and the air outside and inside is cool with the approach of winter, a light sweat breaks out over the alpha’s skin.
But Namjoon simply remains on his own bed, pajama pants low on his waist and a t-shirt masking his gorgeous chest. A soft sigh escapes his lips, his large frame shifting to face Hoseok’s bed.
“Can I ask you something, Seok-ah?”
“Hmm?” He huffs, pulling his sheet over his body and turning his back to the alpha.
“Did you want to…I mean, can I…” Another sigh. “Can I lay with you? I won’t try anything, I just…miss holding you.”
Something in Hoseok’s chest constricts so tightly, it makes it difficult to breathe. He misses holding Namjoon, too. His tiny bed somehow feels too big now that they’ve been sleeping separately the past two nights.
“My stomach’s been off,” Hoseok lies, soft and feeble as he stares at the blank beige wall. “Maybe tomorrow?”
Namjoon murmurs something then tells Hoseok to wake him if he starts to feel worse.
Hoseok doesn’t think he can feel any worse than this. He lies still for close to an hour, trying to stifle the needy whines of his inner wolf. His alpha has never been like this before, so…active. His subgender has always just been another facet of him, not something he gave much thought unless he was especially upset or turned on. But the past few months, ever since meeting Namjoon, everything has been fucked up, including Hoseok’s alpha. Especially Hoseok’s alpha. His stomach is in knots and that’s probably karma paying him back for lying so much.
Namjoon’s sheets rustle as the alpha sighs in his sleep, a soft whisper drifting from his lips.
“Seok-ah…”
Hoseok’s chest aches from want. Namjoon is calling for him, even in his sleep he calls for him. Well after Hoseok hears Namjoon’s soft snores, still tossing and turning, unable to latch onto that deep sleep their friends tease him for, Hoseok silently pulls back his sheet. Standing up, he shuffles to Namjoon’s bed, carefully crawling over him to lie between the alpha and the wall. It’s not until Hoseok snuggles against his chest that the alpha buries his face in the crook of the dancer’s neck, inhaling deeply. His lips brush Hoseok’s scent gland, a soft sigh kisses his skin. He holds him closer, clinging as if Hoseok just might disappear.
“Alpha,” Namjoon murmurs in his sleep, soft purring rumbling in his chest.
“I’m right here, pup,” Hoseok whispers, kissing the alpha’s temple. “Alpha’s right here.”
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
Sera:
Incoming.
Mom’s on the rampage.
Hoseok:
What now?
Sera:
Doohyun got engaged to that omega he’s been seeing.
Hoseok blanches. Doohyun is engaged? To an omega? Images of Doohyun on his knees, mouth stuffed with Namjoon’s cock flicker across Hoseok's mind.
Sera:
Yup.
And now her and appa are talking about setting you up.
Shit. Fuck. Hoseok declines the incoming call from his mother, dropping the phone like it’s a hot potato. The device goes back then lights up again almost immediately. His father.
Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfu—
“Abeoji?”
“Hoseok.” His father’s voice is stern in his ears, cold and business like. “Next time your mother calls you, you pick up the phone. Got it, boy?”
Hoseok picks at his basketball shorts, stretching his leg. It had cramped up again during practice and no matter how much he massaged it, it still felt tight. He wishes Namjoon were here to help. The alpha gives the best massages.
“You’re coming home this weekend.”
“What? I have—I…” Hoseok’s voice trails. The dance crew has practice every day this week, including the weekend, in preparation for an upcoming performance. As the center of most formations, and with the most solos, it’s imperative that he doesn’t miss a single session.
“You’re coming home.” His father’s voice carries a finality Hoseok knows better than to challenge. “You’re taking Jieun to dinner on Saturday and then the ballet on Sunday after family brunch.”
Family brunch? Ballet? Jieun? Hoseok remembers the omega from high school, a dainty little thing that would always blush around him nervously.
Now he’s the nervous one.
“Abeoji—”
“Dinner is at 6pm. She likes seafood. Your mother and her mother are making arrangements.”
Hoseok’s stomach sinks. “Abeoji, I don’t want—”
“Did I ask what you wanted? Well, did I?” He repeats when he is met with silence.
“No, sir.”
“You have old classmates getting engaged, taking over their family’s businesses, thinking of starting families. And you’re out there doing Luna knows what. Just fucking around.”
“You haven’t brought one omega home yet, Hoseok!” His mother calls from the background, voice a bit muffled.
“6pm. Don’t be late. And for Luna’s sake, look presentable. You’re representing this family. You’re an alpha. Act like it.”
The phone slips from Hoseok’s hand, the alpha knowing without having to check that his father ended the call. He had feared this day, though he thought he had more time. What a fool. His parents taking this step meant that he had run out of time. They were setting him up, choosing a good omegan mate for him.
Fucking Doohyun.
“Hey, Seok-ah,” Namjoon smiles, breezing into their room without a care in the world. He approaches Hoseok slowly, leaning down even slower, giving the dancer plenty of time to pull back or stop him. Hoseok does not. Namjoon’s lips meet his and the kiss is soft, chaste and sweeter than sweet.
Sitting beside him on the bed, Namjoon lifts Hoseok’s leg and drapes it over his own, big hands immediately working their magic as he kneads Hoseok’s flesh.
“Tell me everything.”
“Hmm?” Hoseok panics. How does Namjoon know?!
“Your performance next week,” the alpha clarifies. “Jungkook won’t shut up about it. He says you choreographed most of it. Is that true?”
Hoseok nods, unable to meet Namjoon’s excited eyes. Not wanting to see how genuine they shine and how bright they sparkle.
“I’m so proud of you, Seok-ah. You’re so gifted. Really. Your talent is beautiful.”
His stomach tightens, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes that he quickly blinks away.
“Yeah, thanks…Joon-ah.”
“Better?” The alpha asks, patting Hoseok’s leg. When he nods yes, Namjoon scoots behind him. “Come here, let me get your shoulders. You’re always so tense.”
Hoseok wants to cry. But he doesn’t. Alphas don’t cry so he inhales deeply, swallowing the rise of emotions threatening to escape. Dread. Fear. But most of all, heartache.
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
Jieun is a pretty girl. Very pretty, actually. She has a kind of classic beauty that would make her a great movie star. She’s soft spoken, tiny in frame, gentle. Her giggle is sweet, voice a bit high pitched in tone. She’s the perfect omega. If you’re into that kind of thing.
Hoseok is not.
Because as they sit across from each other at the fancy restaurant his mother made reservations at, all he can do is compare her to a certain alpha. Her tiny hand didn’t feel right in his when he greeted her hello. Her thin shoulders felt like they might crack if he hugged her just a tad too hard. Jieun covers her mouth when she giggles and it does nothing but make Hoseok yearn for Namjoon’s raucous laugh that can wake up the whole floor.
“So, what about you, Hoseok-ah? Is it okay if I call you Hoseok-ah? Or…Seok-ah? It’s okay to be familiar since we’ll be seeing much more of each other, right?” She asks sweetly, tilting her head to the side in what Hoseok assumes is supposed to be a charming manner.
No. No, he is NOT okay with her calling him Seok-ah. Not in the slightest. But he smiles politely anyway, offering a little shrug, nodding when she asks if she can try his shrimp carbonara. He lost his appetite a long time ago, probably before he even got on the train to come back home for the weekend.
Hoseok had to use a non-existent aunt being hospitalized as an excuse to miss dance practice this weekend. His coach and the whole team were disappointed but wished him and his family the best. Hoseok felt like crap. Then he lied to Namjoon again (considering how often he’s doing it, he really should be better at it), the concerned alpha immediately went out and bought his ‘aunt’ a card and flowers for Hoseok to bring home. He even offered to join Hoseok for the train ride but of course the dancer declined. Namjoon was preparing for finals, not to mention there is no ailing aunt. Hoseok feels like the piece of shit he is.
Jieun giggles again, twirling a lock of dyed brown hair around her finger. Her geranium scent wafts to his nose, assaulting his nostrils with its strong scent. Strong and overpowering. Nothing at all like Namjoon’s soothing caramel that makes Hoseok dream of floating on clouds and sugar sprinkles melting on his tongue.
“Seok-ah,” Jieun interrupts his thoughts, the moniker making the alpha’s stomach turn.”I know our parents decided on the ballet tomorrow but I was thinking we could do something else? I am really not a fan of dance. It’s so boring.”
Hoseok decides he hates geraniums.
“Sure, whatever you want.” He knows he doesn’t have a choice, not unless he wants to endure his parents’ wrath.
“I know this is very forward of me but…” Jieun’s hand slips closer to Hoseok’s on the table, a spark startling them both when their fingers brush. Jieun giggles. Hoseok cringes. She continues, “I was so excited when my eomma told me you wanted to take me out. I’ve liked you for the longest time.”
Hoseok tunes her out then, eyes stuck on their hands and how odd they look together. Her hands are dainty, nails painted and cuticles perfectly manicured. Her hand feels wrong in his. So wrong. Almost as wrong as her scent, slightly citrusy and overwhelmingly like carnations, only more artificial.
Hoseok just wants to go back to his dorm. To Namjoon. But instead, he finishes the ‘date.’ Dinner. A walk by the river. A kiss goodnight on the cheek and an exchange of phone numbers for their date the following day.
“How was your date with Jieun, Hoseok?”
Hoseok doesn’t look at his mother; he can tell by her voice how hopeful she is.
“It was fine.” His voice sounds hollow, echoing the emptiness of his heart.
A hand lands on his shoulder, a slight squeeze, deceitfully supportive. His father. His voice stern. His aura cold and unforgiving. “Well done, son. I knew you’d come around.”
Hoseok’s jaw clenches. ‘ Well done.’ It’s one of the few positive affirmations he’s heard from his father in years. But all he hears is condescending chastisement. Victorious satisfaction as his father watches him turn his back and head upstairs to his childhood bedroom.
“Son?”
Hoseok pauses, turning his shoulders respectfully but unable to lift his gaze.
“You did well today. Like a real alpha.”
He nods once. Turns. Trudges to his room where he closes the door quietly. He sits on his bed, the same bed he first cuddled with Namjoon in, drunk and in denial of his own feelings.
His phone pings. A text from Namjoon.
Joon-ah:
I hope auntie is okay. Let me know if you need anything.
And Seok-ah?
I miss you.
‘Well done.’
‘Like a real alpha.’
Alphas are natural born leaders. Alphas are strong, both mentally and physically. Alphas are fierce, brave, and loyal.
Hoseok is none of those things.
He is no alpha at all.
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
Hoseok steps out of the taxi, nodding politely to the older man who waves him farewell. He’ll be sure to tip him well on the app for reading the room and remaining silent for the long ride from the train back to campus. As he trudges up the stairs, duffel bag flapping against his ass with each step, he wonders if he’d prefer for Namjoon to already be asleep or to be wide awake. If he’s sleeping, then Hoseok can go right to bed and hate himself. If he’s awake, Hoseok can maybe build up the courage to ask for a much needed hug. Not that he deserves one.
Since he dropped Jieun off at her front doorstep, Hoseok has been itching to get back to Namjoon. That’s a lie, he’s been desperate to get back before he even left. Every step to his hometown, to his parents, made him feel completely alone, so far—too far—from his best friend.
Namjoon is the air swirling through crispy leaves, weaving in and out and around until a beautiful collage of oranges and reds paint his heart. Namjoon is the freedom he felt as a pup, swinging higher and higher until he reaches the precipice of pure joy, flying through the air like a bird. Hoseok can breathe around Namjoon.
The sweet aroma of fresh caramel greets the alpha’s nostrils as he reaches out for the doorknob. Namjoon must have just showered. His scent is always its most pure right after a refreshing shower.
The door opens and he steps inside. His alpha hums awake, happy and hopeful for the first time all weekend. Soft alternative rap plays in the background, Namjoon stands by his desk, a textbook open in one hand as he reads. And Hoseok laughs. Because who looks like that while reading? Namjoon is the epitome of a sultry romance novel male lead. Tall, gorgeous, dressed only in boxer briefs, black framed glasses perched on his nose with his brow furrowed in concentration.
And then he looks up. Hoseok, nor his alpha, can contain themselves for even a moment longer, the alpha striding across the room to quite literally sweep the other alpha off his feet. Namjoon squeaks, dropping his textbook to return the passionate kiss he no doubt has been craving. Tongues tangle, fingers drawing heated patterns across tingling skin, hips pressing together desperately. Hoseok needs to taste the other alpha, needs to feel him everywhere. So he does. Unashamed and without trepidation, he gives and takes to his heart’s content.
Buttery caramel bursts in the room, snuffing out the vanilla scent of Namjoon’s soothing candle. And it’s just as well because caramel is all Hoseok wants. Needs. He’s been craving the rich creaminess since he left for home, practically begging the waiter at his lunch with Jieun to drench their shared dessert with the delectable treat. But it wasn’t good enough. Nothing is good enough when he has already tasted it directly from the source.
“Want you, Joon,” he murmurs between impassioned kisses. “Need you.”
“Then take me.” Namjoon’s eyes soften, lids half closed and lips already shining with Hoseok’s spit. BIg hands fist the collar of Hoseok’s jacket, tugging until the lean alpha drops his duffel bag and begins peeling his clothes off. He wastes no time in hooking his thumbs into the waistband of Namjoon’s briefs, sliding them down until they pool at his ankles with Hoseok now on his knees. Nuzzling his face against the massive alpha’s crotch, Hoseok breathes him in, thick and potent, the delicious scent making him lightheaded. He sucks Namjoon until the alpha is squirming, huffing through flared nostrils as he pulls at the kneeling alpha’s tousled hair. It stings but Hoseok doesn’t mind, he deserves the pain.
What he doesn’t deserve is Namjoon. Not his beautiful body, gorgeous mind or tender heart. But Hoseok can’t stop himself from taking what he wants so badly. And for once, he lets himself have this. Happiness. He feels it in such an all-consuming manner that he doesn’t know how he got through almost two days without his alpha. He rummages through Namjoon’s drawer for lube while he sucks his cock emphatically, drunk off his sweet and tangy taste. He wants more, all of Namjoon. All of him, always.
With warmed lube on his fingers, he slips them along the slit of Namjoon’s ass and then inside, past the firm ridge of his hole. The alpha’s guttural groans only serve to spur him on further. He sucks and pumps, stretches and licks. And when Namjoon comes, Hoseok swallows every last drop. He kisses a messy path back up the glistening skin of the alpha who is now panting, eyes wild with lust.
“Seok-ah?” Namjoon rasps, breath catching in his throat.
Hoseok kisses him deeply, wants him to taste himself on his tongue, know that Hoseok will take him in any and every way. He kicks off his pants and shorts, stumbling backward until they fall on Namjoon’s mattress, mussing the perfectly made bed that smells so wonderfully of decadent dessert.
“Kiss me, Joon-ah, please. Please,” Hoseok begs, almost frantically. “Please make love to me. Please .”
Namjoon doesn’t disappoint. He is both tender and intense, patient and demanding as he opens Hoseok up, soothing his needy hole with his tongue, sprinkling his caramel scent with sea salt for the perfect blend. When he enters Hoseok, Namjoon sighs with a contentment that fills Hoseok with warmth.
“So full,” he moans, wrecked already though they’ve just started. It’s their first time having sex without a condom, a fact that was not lost on them when Namjoon had paused right before penetrating him until Hoseok urged him on. He just wants to feel all of Namjoon everywhere.
And he does. Every ridge, every thick vein. Hosek licks at the alpha’s neck, drinking in his sweat to quench a thirst he didn’t even realize he had. But he does, oh, he does. And Namjoon takes care of him in all the best ways. With his legs wrapped around the alpha’s waist, Hoseok keens with each thrust into him, whimpers with each phrase of endearment, every promise the alpha makes to cherish him forever.
This is more than just friendship. So much more and Hoseok can finally admit it, even if it’s just to himself. Namjoon fills a part of him he thought would always stay empty, a part of him he was taught to ignore as a good alpha should. With Namjoon, Hoseok can be vulnerable. Hoseok can rest. Namjoon comes again, inside of Hoseok, filling him to the brim, riding out his orgasm with deep slow thrusts that pull Hoseok’s orgasm from the depths of his core. His alpha howls, his heart soars, tears prick his eyes. He wants Namjoon to claim him. He knows he can’t, but he wants it so badly.
Namjoon’s forehead falls to Hoseok’s shoulder, soft lips pressing even softer kisses there. “I…” Namjoon’s voice cracks and he pauses.
Hoseok pulls him closer. “Me, too, Joon-ah. Me too.”
**
**
“Is that…caramel drizzle on your shirt?” Namjoon smirks flirtatiously. “Did you miss me that much, alpha?”
Hoseok leans over Namjoon, who now rests in his bed as Hoseok pulls on boxers, and kisses his temple. “More than you’ll ever know…alpha.”
“Fuck. Hearing you call me that does things to me, Seok-ah.”
“Everything about you does things to me,” Hoseok admits, for once not caring how soft he sounds. He was raised to think being soft was for omegas, something to be hidden and ashamed of if one were an alpha. But with Namjoon, everything he feels is just right.
“Is this really happening?” Namjoon watches him patter around the room, putting away their hastily discarded clothing and wet washcloths. Hoseok grabs a shirt from the floor, the one he was wearing earlier, and crawls back into Namjoon’s bed. He just wants to be surrounded by the alpha and his intoxicating scent.
This time, Hoseok is the one with his nose pressed against Namjoon’s neck, brushing his scent gland until a fresh burst of caramel washes over him. “God, I could stay here forever.”
Namjoon smiles. Hoseok can’t see it but he can feel it in the way the alpha’s neck twitches and chest puffs out a bit. He kisses the gland, sucks on it gently before soothing it with his tongue.
“Don’t get me all worked up unless you’re ready to go again, Seok-ah.” The alpha nuzzles him back, pulling away when his nose meets Hoseok’s shirt. His face wrinkles with distaste. “What is that God-awful smell? Is that…” Namjoon sniffs Hoseok’s shirt again, “geraniums?”
Fuck. He wore this t-shirt out with Jieun, who must have scented him. “Ugh, I don’t even know. I was around so much family…you know how it is.”
Hoseok hops to his feet, grabbing his towel and soap. “Let me go change and I’ll come right back to bed, okay, baby?”
Namjoon melts at the moniker. “How can I say no to you when you’re so sweet? I’ll be right here… baby .”
Hoseok rushes from the room and once he’s in the shower, he scrubs his body until his skin is on fire. He doesn’t stop until he’s sure he’s rid himself of Jieun’s cloyingly fragrant scent. Drying off quickly, Hoseok practically trips over his own feet in his haste to get back to his alpha. Being away from him, even for just a few minutes, doesn’t feel right. His wolf paces impatiently.
“All clean!” He forces a smile, bursting through the door only to have Namjoon’s sweet scent hit him in the face, usually sweet and delicious, the scent is now sharp and slightly charred. “Everything okay, baby?”
“Your sister called.”
Fuck.
Namjoon stands, pulling on jeans and a shirt quicker than Hoseok can comprehend. “You weren’t answering her texts. She wants you to call her back.”
“O-oh,” Hoseok stutters. “Okay.”
Namjoon slips into old beat up sneakers, lifting his gaze to meet Hoseok’s and Hoseok’s heart sinks.
Namjoon knows.
“She wants to know all about your date. ” There are tears in Namjoon’s eyes. “Guess you forgot Sera has my number to ‘keep tabs on you’. I thought it was ridiculous. You’re a grown man, you don’t need anyone keeping tabs on you. Guess I was wrong.”
“Joon-ah–”
“So…? How was it? Your date?”
“Joon-ah, it’s not how it sounds.” Hoseok hates how cliché he sounds. “My eomma set it up–”
“Please don’t use eomma as an excuse when you have a perfectly healthy voicebox and could have simply said ‘no.’”
“You don’t get it,” Hoseok insists, heart racing in his chest, perspiration breaking out along his hairline. “You know how my parents are. Doohyun got engaged and–”
“Who?”
Hoseok blinks. “My friend who fucking sucked your dick in the parking lot when you went home with me. Remember him? Or were you too drunk?”
Namjoon shrugs coolly, eyes like steel, thick arms crossing over his even thicker chest. “About as drunk as you were when you went off to get your dick wet with that random omega.”
“Is that why you messed around with him? Because you were jealous?” Hoseok scoffs, already hating himself for trying to turn the conversation around and pin blame on Namjoon.
But the alpha just barks out a laugh. “You’re the one sounding jealous, Seok. Which you don’t get to be considering you fucking lied to me. I was worried about your aunt, do you even have an aunt? Do you?”
Hoseok’s head hangs with shame and surely if he had a tail, it’s be hidden between his legs. He opens and closes his fists, not sure what to say or where to look.
“Can’t even look at me, huh?” Namjoon scoffs, shoving random clothes in a bag as his voice becomes more and more tense. He stops in the middle of the room. “Are you ashamed of us? Of me?”
Hoseok can’t stand the hurt in Namjoon’s voice. “No!” He knows he’s lying even as the words spill out.
“Wow. You just can’t stop yourself from lying, can you? You know what? It doesn’t even matter.”
“Joon-ah, don’t be like this, please—”
Namjoon’s eyes widen, mouth dropping open. “Don’t be like this? Like what, Hoseok ? Am I being irrational? Am I worrying you? Confusing you? Because I’ve been worried and confused about you since I first went home with you and saw how fucking deranged your parents are. How they treat you, what they expect of you…no wonder you’re so fucked up.”
“Stop—”
“No! Maybe you finally need to hear someone say it out loud, how fucking backwards their thinking is and how, despite what you feel, their fucked up way of thinking is engrained in you.”
“It’s not my fault!”
“You lied!”
“I’m sorry!” Hoseok explodes. “I’m sorry I lied about having an aunt, okay? And about Jieun—”
“Don’t you get it, Hoseok? I care about you. I care about you. A lot. And you lied to me so easily and…and you went on a fucking date—sorry, two dates! Must’ve been amazing considering how she scented you like she owns you. And then you have the nerve to come back to me and say those things and, and…fuck!”
Namjoon is crying. Namjoon is crying and Hoseok is breaking.
“I’m sorry,” he chokes out. “I didn’t want to. I didn’t have a choice. I thought of you the whole time, I swear.”
“Do you really think eating some caramel on your date with an omega is going to make me swoon? Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
Namjoon covers his face, turning his back to Hoseok but the dancer doesn’t miss the way the alpha’s shoulders shake.
“Joon-ah…”
“I thought…I thought you were finally ready.”
Hoseok’s mouth is so dry. He licks his trembling lips. “R-ready?”
The alpha turns back around, eyes sad and filled with disappointment. “Ready to finally admit that this,” he motions between the two of them, “is real. Is right. I thought…the way you held me…the way you looked at me, like you were seeing into my soul…I thought it was real for you, too.”
“It is. Fuck, it is real.” Panic rises within Hoseok. His breath stutters, his vision blurring behind a wall of unshed tears.
Alphas don’t cry.
Namjoon must see the tears because his expression changes. Softens slightly. “Hoseok…fuck. Don’t cry, I’m supposed to be mad at you.”
“I’m sorry, Joon-ah. I’m so sorry. You have to believe me.” Hoseok is begging now and he knows he sounds pathetic but he can’t let Namjoon leave him. Not like this. Not…no, he can’t leave.
“Please don’t leave me. I know I fucked up but you have to believe me.” Hoseok clutches Namjoon’s hands in his, eyes pleading. “I meant every word I said to you and I swear I’ll never lie again. I was scared. I am scared but…please don’t leave me, Joon-ah.”
Namjoon’s silence is deafening and when he finally speaks, Hoseok’s heart hesitantly hopes there is a way. There has to be a way…
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay. I’ll try to forgive you. But no more lying.”
Hoseok sighs audibly, relief washing over him. He throws his arms around Namjoon, rising on the balls of his feet to kiss Namjoon softly. “I promise, I fucking promise.”
“Okay.” Namjoon swallows, eyes still cast downward and with far less sparkle as they usually possess. “I uh, think I need a little space—just to clear my head.”
“No, no, don't go, please.” Hoseok presses feeble kisses to Namjoon’s lips, hands still quivering.
“Don’t worry, I’ll come back,” he reassures him with a tight smile. “We’ll get through this right?”
Hoseok nods emphatically.
“And you won’t go out with her, or anyone else again. Right?”
“I…” Hoseok hesitates for a breath too long.
“Fuck you, Seok!” Namjoon growls, shoving away from Hoseok’s embrace.
“I can’t just say no. You don't understand!"
“Then help me understand! Because right now, all I see is a fucking coward who’s too scared to stand up to his eomma and papa!”
Hoseok stumbles backward, trying to put distance between them. “I’m not a fucking coward!”
“Then prove it! You’re so intent on being the perfect alpha so prove it!”
“I can’t!” Hoseok’s hands are in his hair, his blood boiling. With shame or anger, he’s not so sure. Maybe both. “My parents just want me to be happy, to have someone.”
“You do have someone,” Namjoon steps closer. “Me.”
“An omega,” he corrects.
“You don’t need an omega, Seok-ah. I’m yours. I’ve been yours this whole time. I’m your alpha.”
Alpha.
Alpha.
Alpha.
“I can’t…you don’t…” Hoseok refuses to cry. He can’t. He can’t do this.
“Sweetheart…” Namjoon reaches out to comfort him and like a cornered animal, Hoseok lashes out.
“I’m not a fucking omega! Don’t treat me like one!” He shoves past Namjoon, stomach churning within him as his vision distorts. He’s fucking it all up. Everything. He’s going to lose everything.
“I know you’re not.” Namjoon’s voice is quiet, level. “Do you?”
Hoseok sees red. He blinks and when his eyes focus, he sees the look of complete shock on Namjoon’s face. Hoseok’s hands are balled into fists, practically tearing Namjoon’s shirt as he shoves the larger alpha against the wall, his carefully crafted dam finally splintering as everything he’s held back gushes out.
“Fuck you!” He screams, unable to control himself any longer. Hoseok feels as if he’s splitting in half. “Fuck you…fuck!”
Namjoon calmly pries Hoseok’s hands from his shirt, stepping around the vibrating alpha silently. He picks up his bag, grabs his keys and jacket, turns his back to the now crying alpha. He halts at the door but only for a moment, head turning to the side but not enough to look at Hoseok completely.
“I’ll be by to get my things when you’re not hom—here. Goodbye.”
The door closes with a finality Hoseok isn’t prepared for. He falls to his knees and he covers his face with his hands. There’s a very quiet but very real prick of pain in his core, a pain unlike anything he has ever felt before. A pain he somehow knows the reason for. Namjoon is not his mate, fuck, he wasn’t even his boyfriend. And yet, Hoseok feels like his wolf is dying. There’s suddenly too much and not enough air in the room, like he’s underwater and the breath in his lungs is slowly suffocating him. He lost him.
And then it hits him. Hoseok was never Namjoon’s. Namjoon was never Hoseok’s. And now, he never will be.
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
Hoseok can barely drag himself out of bed the next morning and he only gets as far as sitting up because facing Namjoon’s empty bed with its rumpled sheets that still smell of him just reminds the alpha how royally he fucked up. He found it even more difficult than usual to fall asleep with the symphony of his roommate’s soft snores. No, not roommate. Alpha, his alpha.
His alpha.
His alpha.
Why is it so hard for Hoseok to accept? Sometimes it’s as easy as breathing, other times it feels like he’s at war with himself. He could blame his parents, sure, they did raise him to be like this. But he’s no longer a pup. No, he’s grown. He should be able to reflect on his thoughts and actions, accept them, accept himself. Namjoon, Yoongi, Seokjin, Taehyung, Jimin, even baby Jungkook find it so easy to just love who they love and not question it. Love. Love?
Shaking his head, Hoseok slips out of his bed and into Namjoon’s, beneath the knit blanket he knows the alpha’s mother made for him. Salted caramel fills his nostrils, seeping into all the cracks and fissures of his splintered heart.
Alphas don’t cry.
But Hoseok does. And he can’t stop.
**
**
He skips classes on Monday, unable to bear the thought of interacting with people today or even just getting dressed. He ignores Jimin’s text when he doesn’t show up for dance practice. He already missed two practices due to his inability to stand up to his parents but he honestly can’t move, nevermind dance.
Yoongi’s name flashes across his phone screen but he just silences it. The call comes through again, the ring so shrill it makes the alpha cringe. He shuts his phone off. The only person he wants to talk to won’t call him so what’s the point? Namjoon said he’d come back today to get his things. Maybe he can talk to him, explain, make him understand…
A knock on the door interrupts his thoughts and Hoseok flies to it, throwing the door wide open. “Joo—Seokjin hyung?”
Seokjin smiles, tight-lipped, hand ruffling the back of his hair. “Hey, Hoseok. Uh, I need to grab a few of Namjoon’s things. He sent me a list.”
Hoseok’s heart drops to his feet, stepping aside so his hyung can enter.
Seokjin immediately wrinkles his nose. “Wow, you guys are…potent.”
Hoseok looks away. He guesses it’s too late to deny anything or pretend that he and Namjoon are nothing more than just friends. He trudges back to Namjoon's bed, falling into it and turning his back to his hyung. He doesn’t want to watch Seokjin take Namjoon’s belongings from the room.
“So, uh…” Seokjin hesitates, filling his backpack with some of Namjoon’s text books and supplies. That’s right, he has his final lab in a week that he needs to prepare for. “Joonie put in a request to switch rooms."
Hoseok freezes, his stomach churning with the news.
“He said he’ll stay with Yoongi for the rest of the semester since it’ll be over in two weeks.”
Silence follows and Seokjin clears his throat uncomfortably. “Okay, well, just uh, let me know if you need anything. Okay?”
Hoseok makes a small noise of acknowledgement, afraid of what will come out if he opens his mouth. He turns his head, burying it in Namjoon’s sweet smelling pillow. It still smells of them from their love making last night.
“I’m here if you need me, Hoseok-ah.” After another long moment of silence, the door clicks shut behind Seokjin.
Alone, once again, Hoseok sighs, a strangled sound coming from his mouth. He pulls Namjoon’s blanket over his head. He cries. His wolf cries. He misses Namjoon. It’s been less than 24 hours and he feels like he’s dying.
He misses his Alpha.
**
**
Hoseok skips class on Tuesday, as well. Not the smartest move when finals begin soon. All the alpha wants to do is sleep, even eating is too difficult a task for him to complete. It’s not until Jimin barges into his room with Taehyung and Jungkook in tow, the three younger alphas physically drag him to dance practice.
“We have a performance in a few days, hyung,” Jungkook whines, carrying most of the alpha’s weight.
“Yeah,” Taehyung pipes in, Hoseok’s dance bag draped along his back, “you can mope in two hours.”
“Jungkook-ah will even buy you ice cream.” Jimin adds, ignoring Jungkook’s pout.
Dance sucks. His body doesn’t cooperate, brain to limb function somehow not connecting. But Hoseok’s there. And he tries. He feels a tiny bit better once his blood is pumping again, even attempting a half smile or two to ease the concerned look in his donsaengs’ eyes.
But that smile vanishes the second he steps into his bedroom. There is a distinct lack of scent that meets Hoseok’s nose, the removal of Namjoon’s belongings making the room smell stale and seem cold. Namjoon must have come while Hoseok was at practice and moved all his things out.
Standing alone in the center of the space, Hoseok looks around. Gone are all of Namjoon’s medical books and countless notebooks. The space where his oddly large collection of multicolored highlighters and varied sticky notes is now long gone. As is his favorite water bottle and Hoseok is sure if he were to open a drawer or closet door, all his clothes would be gone too. Even his mini cactus collection has vacated the premises.
Gone are Namjoon’s yellow and blue sheets, the ones he was just laying on only hours before. And somehow, out of everything missing, those sheets are what breaks Hoseok. He sits on Namjoon’s bed, leaning down until his nose comes in contact with the mattress, inhaling deeply. And again, but even deeper this time. There it is. Slight traces of caramel.
He peels off his jacket and shirt, shorts and sneakers next, curling up in a ball in the middle of the bed that was once too small but now seems as vast as the ocean. Their room is silent save for Hoseok’s muffled sniffles. It feels more like a mausoleum, or a cenotaph, considering Namjoon isn’t there anymore. It’s not home anymore.
He lost his home.
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
The rest of the week both drags and flies by in a blur. Hoseok attends his classes and practices, pouring all his time and energy into both. But his heart is in neither. His heart is out there, walking around campus ignoring him. Hating him.
He saw Namjoon earlier that day, across the expanse of green connecting the library to the cafeteria. The tall alpha was with Hajun, the shorter alpha laughing loudly at something Namjoon says. Namjoon’s smile disappears the second his eyes find Hoseok’s gaze, like opposite poles of a magnet always finding each other. Hoseok’s heart skips several beats, his sulking wolf perks up, suddenly wide awake and full of energy. Namjoon, on the other hand, looks anything but eager. His eyes are sad, withdrawn. His shoulders hunched over a bit.
Hoseok did that.
His phone rings, startling him enough that he drops the books in his arms. Stooping to pick them up, Hoseok checks his phone. Jieun. He angrily rejects the call. Jieun has called him multiple times a day for days now. Hoseok really should be an adult and tell her he’s not interested but he can’t bring himself to care enough. He looks back up, still crouching down. His heart sinks.
Namjoon is gone.
**
**
His mother calls him just after dinner, an event Hoseok would have skipped had it not been for Seokjin and Yoongi bringing him food and forcing him to eat while they watch. Seokjin talks too much.
Yoongi observes too much. Hoseok appreciates their efforts, trying to finish his meal so they’ll leave him in peace. All he wants to do is ask Yoongi how Namjoon is. Is he still staying with their small, older hyung? Is he stressed with his finals coming up next week? How did his lab go? Is he sleeping well?
Does he miss Hoseok?
But he resists the urge to ask and he can tell by Yoongi’s expression that his hyung wouldn’t have answered any of his questions anyway. Hoseok should be grateful. Obviously Namjoon hasn’t told their friends the details of their breakup—no, of their falling out. He can’t break up with someone he wouldn’t claim to begin with. But he can tell by how their friends dote on him that Namjoon hasn’t talked about what happened between them. They must all be so curious, especially the three youngest who knew Hoseok had spent Namjoon’s rut with him. They were probably expecting wedding bells and instead received a requiem.
He ignores his mother’s call, not caring that she’ll certainly give him more than earful when he finally does pick up her call one day. His father’s name flashes across his phone next which he also sends to voicemail. It’s after he declines Sera’s call that he contemplates shutting his phone off again when a text pings.
Sera:
Why are you ignoring everyone?
And why did Namjoonie block me?
Hoseok fumbles with his phone, immediately tapping on Namjoon’s ID to call him.
Blocked.
Fuck.
A Facetime call comes through and Hoseok goes against his better judgment to answer.
“Hoseok, where the fuck have you been?” Sera’s voice is shrill and panicked, very unlike her. “I thought you were dead!”
He could only be so lucky.
“Nope,” he sighs, falling back onto Namjoon’s bare mattress. He can’t bring himself to cover Namjoon’s scent with his own sheets. “Still here.”
“What’s going on with you?” She presses forcefully. “No one can get through to you. Jieun said—”
“Please don’t—” Hoseok sighs. “Please don’t talk about her.”
“But I thought you liked her?”
“When did I say that?”
“What?” Sera sounds confused. “You don’t like her? But…”
“You know that was set up by eomma and abeoji,” he mutters, voice dull and lifeless.
“Hoseok? What’s going on with you? I reached out to Namjoonie but he blocked me. I don’t understand.”
“I slept with him.”
Silence.
“Excuse me? Slept with who?”
“Namjoon.”
“But…he’s an alpha.”
“I’m fully aware. I took care of him during his rut.” Hoseok stares at the holes in the wall where thumbtacks once held up their shared calendar. “I lied to him and he found out about Jieun. And I lost him.”
“Hoseok…”
“I think I love him. And he left. I lost him.” Hoseok breaks down, hiding his face in the mattress that swallows his quiet sobs.
“Shit.” Sera clears her throat. “I’ll be there in two hours. I’ll call once I’m there.”
“No—”
“Stop.” Sera’s alpha big sister voice takes over, quieting her brother. “I haven’t exactly been the best big sister. Let me try. Just this once. Two hours.”
Hoseok hangs up, unable to speak. He falls asleep with tears in his eyes and Namjoon’s fading scent in his nostrils.
**
**
“Are you going to talk? I drove two fucking hours.”
Hoseok rolls his eyes. “Don’t blame me, I didn’t ask you to come.”
Sera inhales then exhales to calm her temper. She bites her lip, looking down at her perfectly manicured fingers. “So…Namjoon, huh?”
Hoseok nods, staring straight ahead. They sit in her car by a river just off campus. It’s dark and late but people still mill around, oblivious to how Hoseok’s heart bleeds for his alpha. “Yeah. Namjoon.”
“I mean…he is pretty hot,” Sera observes. “Objectively speaking, of course.”
The dancer freezes. That’s it? No chastising, judgmental verbal assault? “Uh, yeah. Yeah, he is.”
“I didn’t know you liked alphas.” Her voice is low as if it’s a secret and, well, it is.
“I don’t. I like Namjoon. I love Namjoon.”
She nods, eyes also straight ahead. “Look, I know I’m not the best at advice-giving and it’s not like we’re exactly close but you’re my brother and I feel some sense of obligation to say this so here goes.”
“Great,” Hoseok grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest and slouching low in the passenger seat.
“Fuck everything.”
“What?”
Sera shrugs her thin shoulders. “Fuck everything. If you love him, go fall on your knees—ew, wrong expression—go beg for forgiveness and get him back.”
“But eom—”
“Fuck them,” she says simply and this time, her words hit Hoseok like they never have before. “I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? They kick you out? They stop paying for school? You don’t get the co-CEO position you never wanted to begin with? You can stay in my home, I’ll help pay for school. You only have one year left anyway.”
Hoseok eyes his sister warily. “Why are you doing this, Sera?”
She turns to him, eyes softer than he’s used to seeing. “Because I saw the way he looked at you last May. And I saw the way you looked back at him. I didn’t want to see it but…it was so obvious, now that I think about it. Did you know even back then?”
Hoseok shakes his head no. “I didn’t even know until he left me. Namjoon…doesn’t love me.” Saying the words out loud almost breaks the alpha and his sister places a comforting hand on his knee.
“He loves you, believe me. You don’t look at someone the way he looked at you if you don’t love them. And that kind of love doesn’t just vanish, even if you want it to.”
“I miss him.” Hoseok’s voice cracks and he brings his feet up to the edge of the seat, resting his burning eyes on his knees. “It’s been 5 days and I’m so fucking lost.”
“You’re not lost, Hoseok-ah. You just…focused on the wrong things. Our parents are impossible to please so stop trying so hard. This is your life, you have to live it for yourself. And if that means you want an alpha to knot you then so be it.”
“Fuck! Sera!” Hoseok blushes furiously, the tightening in his chest loosening the tiniest bit.
“Well, I mean…do you—forget it. No, I don't want to know.” Sera laughs a laugh identical to her younger brother, both alphas smiling softly at each other. She pats his shoulder a bit awkwardly. “Go get your alpha, baby bro.”
Hoseok nods slowly, brow furrowed as his brain goes into overdrive. He knows what he has to do.
•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
“Let’s goooo!!!” Jungkook bellows, high off their first performance, the crowd’s applause thundering in the background as the dancers scurry offstage, a new, smaller group already taking the stage.
Hoseok laughs and for the first time in over a week, it’s genuine. Taehyung hugs him from behind. “Did you see them?”
How could he not? He knew his hyungs and Namjoon would be coming for their much anticipated performance. Namjoon is a good friend and would never not show up to support them, Hoseok included. He knows this about the alpha. It’s one of the many things he loves about Namjoon.
Chugging a bottle of water, Hoseok removes his all black outfit and changes into his first lead performance. Baggy jeans with a criss cross of belts and a black and red leather jacket that showcases his lean but built body. A student from the arts department touches up his hair and makeup, smudging a bit of eyeliner in the outer corners of his eyes.
Something changed after his sister left last week, like the world suddenly became clearer, simpler. All he had wanted to do was run to Yoongi’s dorm and confess to Namjoon but he stopped himself. He had to do this right, show Namjoon that he’s not just some stupid alpha, too proud to admit he was wrong. He had to finally be the alpha Namjoon thought him to be. The kind of alpha he wanted to be. An alpha worthy of Namjoon’s love.
The first step was calling Jieun. Telling her the truth was difficult, especially once the tears started but he remained firm, apologized for his part in even entertaining something that was not genuine. The next step was to tell his parents. He wasn’t yet ready to be completely honest with them about everything that would come in due time, but he called them and broke the news to them. He would not be seeing Jieun again, nor any other omega they may try to set him up with. His heart was spoken for. In their utter disbelief and rage, they didn’t even bother to ask who held his heart which was just as well. Again, all in due time.
After those difficult, but much needed, conversations, Hoseok buckled down, studying and dancing from sunrise to sunset. Namjoon had tutored him too many times for him to let his grades drop now. He’s pretty sure he could have done better on his statistics final but he’s almost certain he aced all his other courses. He applied for several scholarships for the upcoming spring semester in preparation for when his parents cut him off because…they will. He knows it. Even if Namjoon never takes him back, Hoseok fully intends on telling them he’s in love with the alpha. Just a nail in the Jung family coffin. But, for once, he’s not scared. Sera had texted him again, reminding him that he’ll move in with her and her omega over winter break and that he’ll stay for as long as he needs. It’s funny how life works, one door closes and another opens. Hoseok just hopes that the next door he opens will reveal Namjoon’s beautiful face.
“Hoseok hyung, we’re up!” Jimin calls out, his tight jeans practically painted on his muscular thighs and his jean jacket wide open displaying his 6 pack. Taehyung is even worse with his sweats hanging so low, Hoseok fears the alpha may very well flash the unsuspecting audience. Then there’s Jungkook who is currently slathering his massive pecs with baby oil.
They take the stage as a unit, a row of girls behind them, all posing and ready to go. The music starts.
You’re killin’ it, girl, killin’ it, girl
10 outta 10, you’re killin’ it, girl
They move as one, each showing off with their own personal flair, Jungkook’s thrusting, Jimin’s body rolls and Taehyung’s notorious lip licking. As the center lead, Hoseok knows all eyes are on him but he senses the only gaze that matters. He arches his back, rolls his hips, gazes sultrily into the audience. He knows his alpha is out there somewhere and when he throws his head back, exposing his throat, he swears he smells it. Caramel.
Each performance tops the previous one and Hoseok has never felt so alive. He stands proudly as his dongsaengs perform their unit dances and shorter solo pieces. They worked so hard and he feels like a momma bird watching her hatchlings take flight for the first time.
It’s closer to the end of the showcase that he peeks out from behind the thick red curtain, almost instantly spotting Namjoon’s smile as the alpha claps after one of Jimin’s more technical dances. Fuck, he’s beautiful. Namjoon is a vision, green and white button down shirt offsetting the olive of his perfect complexion. His hair is effortlessly styled and he dons a leather jacket that kind of makes Hoseok drool. Okay, maybe not kinda. Maybe a lot. The alpha leans toward Seokjin, saying something that makes the elder’s squeaky laughter echos in the performance hall. Yoongi slaps Seokjin’s chest, no doubt trying to shut him up as the people around them openly stare.
Fuck, he misses him.
“Hoseok!” His dance coach approaches him, hands on his shoulders. “You’re up. Go get ‘em, kid. Remember, you worked hard. You’re ready. Leave it all out on that stage.”
Hoseok nods. That’s the plan.
He stands center stage, closing his eyes and focusing on the sound of blood rushing through his ears. The curtain lifts. The spotlight hits him. But he couldn’t be bothered. His eyes remain closed as he lifts his head. And he dances.
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now
Dance has always been Hoseok’s safe place, his calm in the midst of the storm. When he didn’t know who he was or what to do, dance was there to ground him. When he didn’t have the right words, his dance spoke for him. And that’s what he does right now, he lets his movements speak to Namjoon with movements that are more powerful than words.
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later, it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight
Hi baggy blue jeans sparkle like a million diamonds scattered across the stage, his simple white tank top too big on his thin frame. It’s Namjoon’s. The one item the alpha forgot to take when he moved out of their room. He pours his heart and soul into the dance, contorting his body at seemingly impossible angles. He leaps and flips, landing as light as air, limbs moving as fluid as if he were boneless.
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
He doesn’t need to see Namjoon to feel him, to feel how his heart beats along with Hoseok’s. How their wolves are connected, desperate to be together. It’s all he wants. All he’ll ever need. Namjoon is like the very air he breathes, the dance that bursts from his soul. His everything.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
He dances with his whole heart. Free. Honest. Baring his soul for all to see, for Namjoon to see. He falls to his knees, chest heaving and shoulders hunched, hands pressing against the ground. He sits back on his heels, head lifting to the sky before looking back out to the crowd. Their eyes lock.
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
And Hoseok does the only thing he could. He left it all on stage. All for Namjoon.
**
**
“Hyung! You were amazing!”
“Holy shit, hyung, you totally changed your routine!”
“Do you hear that crowd? Everyone’s going crazy!”
Hoseok rushes past his excited younger friends, flying down the hall and out the side exit of the building. He’s grateful for all the cardio their coach forces upon them, barely breaking a sweat as he sprints around the large facility. Just ahead, he sees the alpha sitting on a bench, head in his hands as he sits hunched forward. He slows his sprint to a jog then a walk, stopping directly in front of him.
“You bought me flowers,” he observes the lovely bouquet tossed on the bench next to the alpha.
“You’re wearing my shirt,” Namjoon responds flatly but his voice is wet.
Hoseok aches for him.
“I love you.” He says it quickly before he can second guess himself.
Namjoon raises his head, face colored with shock.
“I’m not just saying that because I miss you or because I’m scared of losing you, even though I do, I am. I just…love you.” Hoseok falls to his knees, hands tentatively resting on Namjoon’s spread legs, feeling the rough fabric of his jeans on his palms. He looks up at the teary eyed alpha, knowing his own eyes are more than just glassy. “I love the way you mumble out loud when you study and the way you snore—”
“I don’t snore,” Namjoon interjects, tone dripping with offense.
“Shh, don’t interrupt. I’m confessing here.” Hoseok leans into him, eyes glued to his face. “I adore you, Kim Namjoon. You’re my best friend, my lover, my alpha. You’re my everything and I’ll do whatever I have to do for the rest of my life to prove that the words I’m saying are true. I told Sera, I’m telling my parents next week when I move out and in with my sister. I don’t care who knows anymore. I love you. I love you so much, my Joon-ah. My alpha.”
Namjoon lowers his head, hands planted beside him, black hair blocking his face. Hoseok wants to reach out, move his hair, peer into those dragon-like eyes of his but he refrains. He gives the alpha the time he needs to respond. Hoseok will wait forever.
“You love me?”
“I love you.” He doesn’t hesitate, he doesn’t stutter. He loves Namjoon with everything in him and that is a fact. “I’ve always loved you.”
“I’m scared.” Namjoon’s voice is too quiet for such a large man, timid, and that breaks Hoseok’s heart. “I’m scared to say it. I do, too, but…I’m so scared.”
Hoseok takes his hands, pulling them to his lips so he can kiss each knuckle. “You don’t have to say it. I know you do. Now that I can admit it to myself, I see that you’ve loved me since the beginning. You gave me your heart when I was too much of a coward to hold something so precious. But I promise you, I will spend the rest of my life loving you and reminding you how much I love you. I love you, Joon-ah.”
Namjoon looks up, finally, eyes still shedding tears. There’s still sadness there, but now it’s mixed with something else. Hope, perhaps? And that stirs Hoseok’s wolf.
“Will you let me love you, Joon-ah?”
“You were beautiful on that stage, Seok-ah. That was…that was phenomenal."
“I’d give it all up for you and still feel like the luckiest person in the world. Will you let me love you?”
“Your parents—”
Hoseok leaps onto Namjoon’s lap, straddling him, cradling his face in his hands as he presses his lips to Namjoon’s. Namjoon yelps and then sighs into the embrace, arms wrapping around Hoseok’s thin waist.
“I told you, I’m telling them everything and I’m moving out. I don’t care anymore, Joon-ah.” Hoseok presses chaste kiss after chaste kiss to the alpha’s mouth. “Will you let me love you?”
Namjoon nods, a small smile on his beautiful face and Hoseok’s heart soars, his wolf howls. He giggles, so happy he can barely contain himself. Running his hands through Namjoon’s luscious black hair, he scratches at the alpha’s scalp, pulling him in closer until their foreheads touch.
“You are going to get so sick of me, alpha. ” Hoseok smiles, kissing him deeply.
Namjoon grins. “Impossible. I can’t get enough of you…alpha.”
“Your alpha,” Hoseok clarifies.
Namjoon’s teary eyes warm at his words. “My alpha.”
Hoseok nuzzles Namjoon’s neck, nose brushing his scent gland and scenting the alpha to his wolf’s content. Namjoon returns the gesture, holding the dancer closer than either would have dared to be in public before. Before, but not anymore. They hold each other, kiss each other, scent each other and Hoseok sighs, finally at peace. Inhaling deeply, his wolf is content as it breathes in its favorite scent.
Salted Caramel.
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