Chapter Text
„I’m home,“ Sam called as he stepped through the front door. Instead of Jess or Deanna coming to greet him, he was welcomed by Max’s crying. Jess appeared in living room door, she looked tired and stressed.
“I just got Max to sleep,” she grumbled. “Since you woke him up, you can go upstairs and console your daughter, who has not been willing to talk to me, since Natalie dropped her off.” With this words Jess walked back into the living room trying to console the crying Max. Sam slipped out of his shoes and shrugged of his jacket, before he made his way upstairs. He half feared that as Max’s crying got quieter, he would hear his daughter crying, but that didn’t seem to be the case. Sam reached Deanna’s door and knocked.
“Deanna?” he asked.
“Deanna isn’t here,” came the answer. Sam rested his forehead against the door for a moment.
Then he called:” Who is there then?” Silence. Sam waited a little bit longer, before he opened the door. Deanna was sitting on her bed, basketball pressed to her chest. “De?” Deanna looked up at her father. She only hesitated for a heartbeat before throwing the ball aside, launching herself at Sam, who picked her up without struggle.
“What happened?” he asked. Deanna, who had buried her face in Sam’s shoulder, slowly lifted her head.
“I got into a fight with Shawn,” Deanna mumbled. Sam suppressed a sigh. “He said girls couldn’t play ball sports. His Dad said so.” Of course, who else? As if Deanna didn’t get the ball through the ring like twice as much as Shawn did and as if they weren’t just six years old.
“You know, he is wrong, right,” Sam said, shifting his hold on Deanna.
“That is why I punched him,” Deanna said, sounding way more resolute when before. Sam had to suppress the smile that threatened to spread across his face, of course his little girl punched the boy trying to belittle her.
“Punching people is not the answer, princess,” Sam said.
“Not a princess,” Deanna grumbled. “I wanna be a knight.”
“Of course,” Sam said smiling. “Knight Deanna.” He kissed her forehead that crinkled up in concentration.
“No,” she said again. She began wiggling so her father set her down. She looked up at him, as if his face held the answer to her name dilemma. Then she bowed. “Knight Dean.” Sam froze. He was lucky that his daughter was way too busy being happy she solved her naming problem to realized that she just sent her father into shock. While Deanna turned back to her toys, Sam stood there. He hadn’t thought about Dean in years, hadn’t heard his name said out loud since the day of Deanna’s birth, when Jess agreed to name Deanna after the most important person of Sam’s old life and that seemed to heal the wound.
But now his daughter was so far in tomboy territory, that she turned to his brother’s name. It became apparent that the wound had scarred but not healed. Almost mechanically Sam made his way downstairs. It was quiet now, Max had gone back to sleep. Jess was sitting on the couch looking only seconds away from sleep herself. When she noticed that Sam was beside himself, she was back to wide awake instantly.
“What happened?”, she asked softly to not spook Sam or wake Max.
“Deanna just called herself Dean,” Sam whispered as he sat down next to Jess.
“I can’t say, I didn’t see that coming,” Jess said.
“I know,” Sam replied. “I just thought I would be…”
“Old memories resurfacing?” Jess asked. Sam nodded. His wife pulled him into a hug. “It’s okay. Memories can’t hurt you.” Sam wouldn’t be sure of it. With all the things that are out there why not a monster that uses your memories against you? “How about we order take out, I don’t think either one of us is in any condition to be trusted in the kitchen.”
“Take out sounds good,” Sam said. Jess ended the hug to get her phone that was laying on the coffee table. After the order was placed the pair settled back down.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Jess asked.
“You know the story,” Sam said. “Dean was the best big brother a little boy could hope for.” Jess chuckled.
“A little boy, right,” she said.
“In my defense, I don’t remember my mother and my father was kind of an asshole,” Sam said.
“It haunts you that you don’t know what happened,” Jess said.
“I kind of know what happened,” Sam mumbled. Jess rub his arm in a comforting manner.
“Not answering a phone, doesn’t’ mean they’re dead,” Jess said.
“In Dad‘s field of work, where Dean joined him, it does,” Sam said. “You relay at least partially on getting called.”
“I’m so tempted to asked,” Jess said.
“You promised not to,” Sam said.
“I will not pry,” Jess said. She kissed Sam’s cheek. “Is there anything that would help you with this? Maybe someone, who could tell you what happened to your father or at least to Dean, so you get closure?” Sam had pushed any thoughts about anyone connecting to the hunting world as far back as possible but got the impression that that was also a wound that had never quite closed.
“There might be one person,” Sam said as he pulled out his own phone. “When I left Bobby and Dad were on bad terms, but they were rarely on good terms. But Bobby cared for Dean and I, so if anyone knows anything about what happened to Dean, it would be him.”
“What are you doing?” Jess asked.
“I’m checking if Bobby’s junkyard still exists,” Sam explained. He counited typing until google offered him the website of Bobby’s junkyard. “He is not only still alive, he went with the time.” Jess chuckled. “I guess I should visit him.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” Jess asked. Sam hesitated, he could probably really use Jess’s emotional support.
“What about the kids?” Sam asked.
“We take them too,” Jess said. Bumping her shoulder playfully against Sam’s. “We make a family trip out of it. The timing is perfect. Summer break just started and you’re on vacation too now.”
“You really want to do that,” Sam said.
“I think you really need it,” Jess said softly. “You tried to get over it, but it’s been eating at you and we can’t have you go into shock every time someone calls our daughter Dean.”
“I guess we will spend a few days in Sioux Falls than,” Sam said. “And meet up with uncle Bobby.”
“To meeting uncle Bobby,” Jess said, toasting to the air. The doorbell rang. Their food had arrived.