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THE PANDORA
The railing digs into her lower back, a cigarette perched between her pointer and index finger. Nasty habit Camron says, but Lilith had a tendency to smoke, and when T.J. missed her, she usually found herself with a cigarette between her fingers. Finn had been strongly against it, complaining about the smell, health risks, cancer. He’d been gone almost two months now, but she’d gotten used to him, and still found herself turning to say something to him on occasion, only to remember he was now on the Aronax with Fontaine and the Nectons.
‘T.J?’ Camron said gently, startling her, which was unusual, as she was usually very aware of her surroundings, even in safe little pockets like the Pandora. Raden was standing a little bit aways, one hand on the wheel, thick, gold rings sparkling in the moonlight.
He was very pointedly NOT looking at them, chewing on his bottom lip like he did when he was nervous. He was usually the first to receive any messages on the ship, and it was clearly bad news. He must have asked Camron to deliver it, for good reason, Camron had that way about him, steady and solid in a way few people were at nineteen. He was also one of the people she spent the most time with on board, and so had the best chance of her not taking his head off in a fit of rage (not that it happened very often, but she could be incredibly scary when displeased)
‘Spit it out Cam. Is it Finn? I TOLD him to be careful’ she grumbled, already moving toward Raden to see where they were headed.
‘Uh, actually’- he hesitated, picking at his nails as he always did when he was worried- ‘It’s Lilith’ the last bit was rushed, like if he said it quickly it wouldn’t sound that bad, like he had to get it over with before he could talk himself out of it.
She froze. Still like a statue, so much so that in the shadows she looked like she could be made of stone, other than the blonde hair. He could just make out her shaking hands before she clenched them tightly, nails biting into the soft flesh of her palms. Slowly, she turned, face completely unreadable. It was scary, how quickly she could go from happy, laughing and relaxed, to this.
‘The fuck you mean Lilith? Is she okay’- she moved to him at lightning speed, or, shadow he supposed, since she quite literally re-appeared right in front of him, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him- ‘Is Lilith okay Camron?!’ panic creeping into her voice.
Now, sure she was young, younger than anyone else on the crew, but he’d seen her face what in most cases was certain death head on, steady and strong, surviving on rage and will alone. Yet, here she was, breaking at the very suggestion that someone she loved, because as much as they denied it, everyone knew, was hurt or in danger. It was scary, seeing someone usually so unfazed, so unshakable, look so human.
‘I don’t know. Just that Hammerhead found out you helped his son, and that Lilith is a friend of ours’ he said quietly, grabbing her as her legs gave out, and they sank together to the deck, her eyes wide as she connected the dots.
‘I’ve killed her Camron. I’ve gotten her killed’ she whispered into his shoulder as her own shook with suppressed sobs.
The Aronax
Fontaine watched as her boyfriend stepped foot on the rotting planks of the floating black market, eyes searching for any signs of panic. Finn was a master at pretending to be okay when he wasn’t, but T.J. had been nice enough to tell her his ‘tells’ when they last were in touch a few weeks ago, and to his strong dislike, she was usually easily able to pick up on his discomfort, panic and anxiety.
They’d gotten a distress call from here just under twenty minutes ago, and after a heated discussion between Will and Kaiko, they’d agreed to check it out, with repeated reassurances to Finn that he didn’t have to go if he didn’t want to and so on. Surprisingly, he’d insisted on going, and after promising to stay with Fontaine, and not go too far from the rover, Will and Kiko had given them permission, Will taking Ant (and Jeffrey) with him to look around, while Fontain and Finn stuck to the shadows, watching and listening.
Finn was deeply compassionate when he wanted to be, yes, but that wasn’t why he’d argued so strongly to come. No, it was, in Fontaine’s expert opinion, to either A) figure out if T.J. or anyone from the Pandora had anything to do with the distress call, or B) (and in Fontaine’s opinion, the more likely of the two) that he was hoping to see Mad Madeleine and make sure she was okay.
They hadn’t heard so much as a peep from Hammerhead since they’d found Finn, and T.J. hadn’t reported anything either, which yes, he could be anywhere in the ocean, hunting treasure that was probably long since found, or never existed in the first place, but I’d been a very long time since they’d gone so long without hearing from him.
Suddenly, a girl came running, dressed in full leather, bright red hair shaved close to her scalp. She stopped when she noticed them, crouched low in the shadows of a few crates, and her anxious face softened when she noticed Finn, ruffling his hair when she came closer.
‘Finney! Long time no see!’ she greeted, squatting beside them. Finn relaxed, grinning back and accepting a fist-bump from the stranger.
‘Hey Eloni, good to see ya. This is Fontaine, my girlfriend. Fontaine, this is Eloni, the Pandora’s mechanic and Second mate’ he said, and yes, she remembered seeing the redhead on the boat all those weeks ago when she’d first found Finn, running up from below deck to see what all the composition was about.
‘Girlfriend? Well, at least you got there faster than Marley and Donnis. I’m half convinced they’ll kiss, tongue and all, and still be in doubt if the other has feelings for them’, she replied, before her smile melted, tapping an ear-piece Fontaine hadn’t previously noticed, clearly listening to someone on the other end.
‘Yeah, yeah, I can hear ya Camron. Found Finn n’his girlfriend actually, what? The hell do you mean visible organs? Do I look like Bex to ya pretty-boy? Yeah, I’m on it, hold tight’ she clicked it off, face pale and stern under her freckles.
‘They found Lilith. It ain’t pretty. I’mma go get Bex, see what we can do. You want the coordinates?’ she asked, voice thin, already getting to her feet, starting to back away, back the same way she came. Finn nodded stiffly, and though she had no idea who Lilith was, or why Finn knew her, the words visible organs swirled around and around in her head, and she found herself following Finn, using Eloni’s directions and completely ignoring what her parents told her to do. At least they’d found who the distress signal was from, right?
No-one so much as spared them a glance as they ran through the streets, almost knocking over an old man, who cursed them out so badly, you’d think he was speaking a whole other language.
They heard the voices several lanes before they saw anything, though most were completely abandoned of people, the floating black market looking even eerier than usual, like a ghost-town. Then, suddenly, like a wall appearing out of no-where, a quite literal wall of people appeared, the crowd so thick it was impossible to see what they were looking at. Just the low murmur of the crowd, pierced by an ear-splitting scream.
Then silence.
‘LILITH!, LILITH!, GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER YOU MOTHERF..’ a very familiar voice raged, and yup, out of a nearby alley Tillian Jane Black appeared, in the flesh. Her hair was a little longer, and the shaggy bangs that fell into her eyes were new, and somehow the bags under her eyes seemed to have gotten even deeper and darker since Fontaine’d last seen her,but other than that, she looked the same as ever.
The muscly blonde guys she’d been sword fighting last Fontane was on the Pandora followed on her heels, and the crowd parted like the sea for Moses as they came barreling through. Not wasting the opportunity, Fontaine grabbed Finn’s wrist and quickly followed the two blondes.
Nothing in her seventeen years of life could have prepared Fontaine for the scene she witnessed once she got to the front of the crowd. It would haunt her for the rest of her days, the first time she saw someone die.
A young woman, presumably Lilith, was lying on the plank-floor of the floating black market, dark curls spread out around her head like a dark halo, coughing blood, the thick red substance dribbling down her chin. Her organs were indeed visible, both chest and stomach covered in red and things that were decidedly supposed to stay inside the body were peeping out, like a sickening version of peek-a-boo.
Towering over her broken body, was Captain Hammerhead himself. She could feel the moment Finn lay eyes on him, his entire body freezing, hand starting to shake in her grip. She would always wonder what went through his head in that moment, when he learned his father was a murderer. Perhaps it was better not to know. He never did tell her, anyway.
T.J. fell to her knees beside presumably-Lilith, hands covered in red as she tried in vain to stop the bleeding, the hot, red substance soaking through her jeans as she tried to shove the organs back in their rightful place, healing spell after healing spell failing. Blonde-guy stood in front of them, sword in hand and watching Hammerhead, who smiled sickeningly as he watched the life leave Lilith Parader, T.J. pressing their foreheads together in her final moments, whispering something just for them.
Then, she went still. And T.J. screamed. Rage and grief all in one as she launched herself at Hammerhead, Camron and two other pirates Fontaine didn’t recognise all having to restrain her together to keep her away from the older captain.
‘Should’ve known better than to aid a disowned, Black. Or, perhaps don’t make yer preferences n’ informants known’ he drawled as he turned his back, disappearing into the crowd.
Tillian Jane
She reacted on autopilot. The moment Finn joined (and later left) her crew, she’d completely erased the knowledge that Hammerhead was his father. Sure, on some level she was aware, but they were so different, it was easy to pretend it was just a coincidence they had the same hair and eyes, same expression when they were annoyed, and slouched the exact same when they were tired or dead of their feet.
So, when she saw Hammerhead’s daughter, and only recognised child, she didn’t consider that it was also Finn’s dear little sister Maddy. No, the only thoughts that went through her head as she grabbed the younger girl from the crowd, and spun her around, pressing her knife to the girl’s neck, was revenge.
Revenge for the last kiss she’d pressed to Lilith’s lips, the feel of hot blood on her clothes. How fragile her empty body felt, because without Lilith’s humor, her snarky, scratchy voice from too many cigarettes, the way she tied her hair up in a bandana, she wasn't really Lilith anymore. Just the bag of flesh and bone that’d housed her.
Hammerhead’s daughter squirmed in her grip, throwing insults that didn’t even really reach her ears, the tip of the blade just nicking the soft flesh of the girl’s neck. She froze, called for her father, who didn’t even stop walking.
‘Either yer enough of’a pirate ta get yerself outt’a trouble, or yer no daughter of mine’ he said, like his daughter wasn’t being threatened at knife-point.
Most of the crowd dispersed, for even pirates usually have enough grace to let people get over their losses in somewhat-privacy. Whatever. It wasn’t about Hammerhead anyway, just Lilith, and how this stupid little bitch who let her brother be beaten within an inch of his life as she did nothing but watch, and then dump him in a back alley of the black market, got to breathe, to live and grow and speak and have her organs intact and still inside her body, while Lilith, her lovely, snarky, compassionate Lilith was gone, cold and stiff on the ground behind her.
‘T.J.!, Let her go! Hey, it’s me, it’s Finn. That’s my sister T.J.’ Finn appeared in her field of vision, and oh, he wasn’t supposed to see this flashes through her mind. His father, a murderer. She’s intimate with the feeling of a parent crossing that line, and it’s not a pleasant one. On the other hand, Madeline isn’t innocent either. She watched as Finn was almost killed, and would have let him bleed out in the depths of the dark orca. She breathes while Lilith’s body will rot.
It’s the horribly soft ‘Please’ that he whispers, pleading and scared, scared of her, of what she might do, that finally makes her remove the blade from Madeline’s throat, Lilith’s blood still coating her hands. Fontaine’s at his back in seconds, and she looks scared too. Though, that might be the corpse behind them. Most people their age haven’t so much as watched someone get stabbed, much less die, and the consequences.
She ignores Madeline falling into Finn’s arms, sobbing and apologising, snot and tears everywhere, ignores Camron’s concern as he tries to reach for her, and the chocked sound Bex makes when she and Eloni get to the scene too late, and the looks on Will and Kaiko’s faces as they take her in, presumably after watching the whole ordeal unfold.
Ant’s vomiting in the corner, pale and scared, and oh so small. Kaiko goes to check on him while Will starts towards her. And. No. No, she will not deal with adults right now, especially not men. So, she does what she does best.
She bolts. Runs and runs through the familiar alleyways, until her lungs feel like they’re collapsing in on themselves. And then? Then she shadows, as far as she can, and some sick, grefi-twisted part of her hopes it will swallow her whole, and she’ll be with Lilith again, or perhaps, she’ll just be nothing at all?
Fontaine
She watches in shock as T.J. disappears. One minute she’s there, clothes stained with Lilith’s blood, a stone cold expression so emotionless, it’s easy to forget she’s a child. Younger than Fontaine, though not by much, but still, a child. The next, her eyes widen, like she’s just realised what she was doing, and she’s turning on her heel and disappearing into the labyrinth-like alleys of the market.
The blonde boy, Camron?, gets up to follow her, mumbling an apology to Finn and Madeleine, who’s still shaking, teartracks drying on her cheeks. Fontaine never thought she’d see the day when hammerhead’s daughter would cry.
It’s not nearly as satisfying as she’d expected. Even Ant wasn’t there to gloat, busy vomiting his guts out in the corner, their mother gently smoothing his hair back as he retched.
‘They were very close’ Elio said, surprising Fontaine and breaking her out of her train of thought. It took a moment to place who she was talking about. Lilith. T.J.
Something Finn had said weeks ago popped into her head. She’d asked if T.J. was his girlfriend, before they got their shit together and finally kissed, on the deck of the Aronax under the stars, the rest of her family fast asleep, oblivious to the young lovers.
‘Are we talking about the same person? Tillian Jane Black, raging lesbian?’ He must have seen them together at some point. Perhaps Lilith had a stall here somewhere, or T.J’d used supplies as a reason to dock and see the brunette? Whatever they were, it would probably die with them, as all true love stories do. Lilith was already gone, and T.J. looked about as willing to answer Fontaine’s questions, as she was to become best buddies with Hammerhead, and taking up needlepoint.
‘She was a brave woman, Lilith. Few people have the balls to tell T.J. where to shove it when she went too far, or slap Sammy across the face when he got handsy,’ Marley added, Fontaine recognising him as one of the boys Finn had pointed out when telling her about the day he joined Pandora's crew.
‘Per aspera’ Donnis said, wiping his eyes as he looked at Lilith’s crumpled form on the planks, blood dripping into the water below. Soon the bodymen would come for her, and she would be no more. Whatever he said seemed to make more sense to the Pandora’s crew than it did Fontaine, for they all replied ‘Ad astra’ as Elio leaned forward, and cut a single lock of Lilith’s hair, and removed a silver snake ring from around her neck.
‘T.J. gave it to her, ‘round the time I joined’ Finn whispered to her, gesturing to the ring. His shirt was wet from Maddy’s tears, who stood beside her brother, face pale as she watched Lilith’s stiffening body. She couldn't imagine seeing something so horrifying so young, it made HER sick just looking at the corpse. All she could manage was nod at Finn’s soft-spoken remark, and lean into her father as he approached from behind.
He’d been speaking quietly with Bex, who was standing shoulder to shoulder with her brother, her head gently resting on his shoulder. Donnis, in turn, looked more tired than anyone should, and gladly intertwined his fingers with Marley’s.
‘You kids coming with us?’ Will asked kindly, looking at Finn and Madeleine. They both nodded somberly, Finn disentangleing himself from the girls for a moment to say goodbye.
He hugged Bex and Donnis, the siblings both bidding him safe travels, and making him promise to stay in touch. Marley clapped him on the shoulder, promising with a tight smile to say goodbye to Camron and Randen from him. Elio just nodded at him, looking numb and so far from the bubbly young woman just forty minutes ago.
Could it have been so little?
So much had seemed to change.
The nektons and the two pirates boarded the Aronax in silence, Kaiko disappearing to the med bay with Ant in tow, to make sure he was okay after the excessive vomiting. Will when to go steer them out to sea, as if putting distance between the and that place could somehow rid them of the experience.
‘You okay? Fontaine asked Maddy, who was still standing close to her brother, never letting him get more than a few feet of distance away, following him like a second shadow. She was being uncharacteristically quiet, witch, fair enough given the circumstances, but it was still quite unsettling.
‘She would have killed me, wouldn’t she?’ Maddy asked no one in particular as the three of them headed down one of the Aronax’s metal hallways. Fontaine wasn’t sure how to answer that. Yes, T.J. could be kind, taking in strays, helping Finn when she was in no way obliged to do so.
On the other hand, she’d been ready to murder someone, a child barely younger than herself no less, for revenge.
‘Yes. It’s more complicated than that though Maddy’ Finn said quietly, looking at his sister as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
‘It is?’ Fontaine inquired, looking sceptical. ‘She tried to Kill your sister Finn. She would have, had you not stepped in. She’s not a good person’
‘No, she’s not. She never claimed to be.’ he stopped for a moment, looking out through the glass windows out into the ocean beyond. Maddy was looking at him like she was drinking him in, anger at him,and longing for someone she hadn’t seen in so long twisting together in her chest, as she managed to control her impulsivity for once, and let him speak.
‘One of my first night on the Pandora, I couldn’t sleep. I went out onto the deck, and found her there, T.J., that is, smoking as she leaned against the railing. I was guilty. For leaving. For abandoning you’ he looked at Maddy, smiling sadly even as unshed tears made his eyes glassy.
‘You didn’t have a choice Finn’ Fontaine said sharply, placing her hands on his shoulders.
‘He would have killed you’, the he almost did going unsaid between them.
‘I know. She said the same. There are two types of people she’d said. Good people who occasionally do bad things, usually as a cause of circumstance, and bad people who occasionally do good things, usually only because it benefits them.’ he paused again, letting the words sink in.
‘She never claimed to BE a good person. Always insisted she was the latter, a bad person, who helped strays because she needed someone to help with the ship. She’s had a tough life, though she never explicitly said what that meant, and it shaped her. Lilith was one of the only things she let herself have, care about, care for. And anyway, she stopped. She didn’t want to, but she respected me enough to listen. I can’t ask her for much more than that, not after everything she did for me, good person or not.’ he finished, smiling sadly at his girls, kissing Fontaine softly on the cheek.
Time passed. They occasionally encounter the Pandora, though T.J. was rarely there. Her mother had been deeply displeased with her outburst after the incident as people had taken to calling it, and she’d been prohibited from spending much time on her ship.
It was a sad thing to hear, though Fontaine admitted to being more wary around the blonde in the months, then years that followed. They kept in contact with the other members of the Pandora’s crew frequently, and Maddy and T.J. ended up talking on one of the few occasions the older girl was visiting, and they had a concerningly good time throwing daggers at wooden targets.
T.J. never did go back to that market.
Hammerhead was never seen again after that day, and only two people knew where he was. They never told Finn and Maddy exactly what happened, and the siblings never asked, though T.J’s eyes always got a faraway look, and Camron’s voice hardened until the subject was changed.
I would tell you what happened to Finn and Fontaine, if they stayed together, if they got married. Had kids. If they ever found all the secrets in the vast oceans and seas, or if they stopped looking.
But, as all grand love stories, that will die with them. and, quite frankly, I don’t think it’s any of our business.