Work Text:
“You're a nuisance. Pipe down a little, will ya?”
“Please stop nickpicking… we have actual work to do.”
“Haha! Oh, yeah, because I'm such a nit-picker.”
“I'm just saying not to talk about his eating habits while we have a body to hide!”
“Excuses.”
[PROTAG] pinched the bridge of his nose, his glasses pushing up slightly along with the skin his fingers pinched. His doppelgänger was gonna be the death of him. One thing after another. Honestly at this point why did he even help him? He should just let the man be arrested and imprisoned for the rest of his life. Though then his clone might rat him out, so maybe not. It was a slippery slope. At this point he should have never helped the man in the first place.
“Nevermind, just ring my co-worker.” He huffed out, dropping his hand from his face.
“Do I have to do it? I'm tired from all my… exercises. Hahaha! But alright alright, I'll ring ‘em.” [ANTAG] replied, grinning uncannily and wide as he sat down on grass and opened up the black backpack that his other self always brought to these situations.
There was a lot in that bag. Knives, chips, trash bags, more knives, a cloth, knives, soap, forks, knives, plastic bags, a pocket knife, and a rotary phone. All the essentials! The man grabbed the rotary phone which laid on top, some still wet blood from his hands staining the gray material. He put the phone on his lap, staining it further. There was a sense of satisfaction in staining items with blood, like his few and only successes were claiming property on other more insignificant things. Maybe he should start keeping small nick-nacks and such as trophies from the bodies. Oh wait! He already does that.
“Number~?”
The intern rolled his eyes, surprised yet also unsurprised at how the guy couldn't manage to memorize such a thing. Yet he listed off the number anyway for him, watching the blood smear slightly on the dial on the phone.
It rang and rang, and when there was an audible click his doppelgänger began to explain everything to him. The typical situation. A person pissed him off, he couldn't control himself, and they ended up dead after some quick, witful plotting. Though [ANTAG] always insisted the person was bad in some way, shape, or form. The employee wasn't even fully sure if that was true or not, but he went along with it nonetheless. This time around the clone killed a guy on a walk in the woods, luring him off the path to end his life.
“Of course he's eating him. Didn't take ten seconds.” The man on the ground said with a scoff, rolling his eyes and pressing the bloody phone tight to his ears as he gave details of location and other things.
[PROTAG] wanted to tell his other self to be a little bit nicer, but he did have a point. [COLLEAGUE] followed the intern around like a loyal dog, and he always went along on these little ‘trips’ to the bodies. The first time he was meek, shy as a critter. But there was hunger in his eyes. By the second trip he was practically salivating at the sight of leaked insides. And by the third trip he finally gave in and ate, using his hands to taste the meat. Ever since then he'd always eaten practically immediately once he got there, usually taking some insides or muscle to save for later.
“Yeesh… can't you control yourself? Tch, I'll be down there in fifteen. Stay put and chop ‘em up.”
[ANTAG] rolled his eyes and slammed the phone back down with a click, putting the rotary phone back into the backpack with his blood-stained hands. “What did he say to do?” The ‘neater’ version of him asked.
“Chop him up. Nothin’ unusual, probably gonna scatter him around the lake.” He said simply, searching through the bag to grab some of the knives. He went for the biggest one first in hopes of making the job easier.
[PROTAG] just nodded, squatting down to find cutlery of his own. There were many different ways of disposing of a body, but not all available. They usually just put the bodies in the lake or a river nearby. Though they stopped putting them in the river after the second time they did that because the parts kept disappearing. He wasn't quite sure who took them, but he didn't want to stay around and find out. And of course there was always the option of throwing them in his co-worker's fireplace.
In about twenty-five minutes they'd severed most things. It was hard to cut through bone so many times over and over, trying to chop it up into smaller and smaller pieces. It was a workout for sure, despite the doppelgängers working together. [COLLEAGUE] stayed quiet nearby, munching on a piece of muscle they'd cut. Some parts were bagged in plastic baggies for the man to eat later. [ANTAG] didn't want the blonde’s help, and he didn't trust [COLLEAGUE] with a knife around them. And [PROTAG] didn't trust [ANTAG] with a knife around his friend, either. So for both of those reasons it was best the man kept eating.
“This stuff is staining my clothes…” The intern complained. The wet crimson was soaking into his pant legs and shirt, and he couldn't keep buying more bleach and laundry detergent. Maybe he'd ask his co-worker to clean his stuff for him…
“Suck it up buttercup-” His clone scoffed, trying to un-stick his knife from a particularly hard part of the bone in the left thigh. He was about to say something else when he heard footsteps approach, and he shot up hurriedly.
[PROTAG] shot up as well, stumbling to his feet with wide and frenzied eyes. Panic shot through him like a dose of drugs. He was already shaking from adrenaline, and he didn't want to get caught. The two doppelgängers glanced in the direction of sound only to have a bright light shone directly into their eyes. The cannibal who had been eating snapped his neck towards the light, already silently praying that they wouldn't get caught.
“Woah! Calm down, it's me. You all look like scared deer.” [COWORKER] muttered as he stepped closer to the group, tilting his flashlight down but not turning it off.
They all sighed a sigh of relief in almost perfect unison, and [ANTAG] crouched back down to try and unwedge the knife again. His doppelgänger practically fell to his knees again to relax and try to chop up body parts. It was quite stressful trying not to get caught by authorities all the time. Jail wasn't anybody's favorite place in the group.
“You almost gave me a heart attack.” [PROTAG] murmured. His hands were shaky, and he laid the knife on the grass to calm down.
“It's not like I can call out for you in the distance. And tell that guy to stop killing people on work nights! I need my beauty sleep.”
[COWORKER] turned the flashlight off and put it in his pocket, walking over to his own doppelgänger that sat by a tree. He barely glanced at the man but held his hand out. The other looked up at him, breaking a small piece of muscle off and putting it in his hands. It wasn't quite sanitary or refined, but it was the only chance that the ‘hotter’ blonde of the two got to eat humans. He didn't store it in the freezer like these heathens. He had a reputation to upkeep, even when people didn't come over all that often.
“Boo hoo! Go cry about it in your king-sized bed…” [ANTAG] bit back in response as he yanked the knife out of the dead man's bone. He rolled his eyes and brought the knife down hard in the same place to try and chop it once more.
“I don't cry. I'm a man.” He replied, popping the small piece of meat into his mouth.
[PROTAG] rolled his eyes as well, having to bite his tongue to not make any remarks about murdering him as well. This guy transported the bodies, gave them ideas on where to hide it, and wouldn't judge them. Not to mention he let the intern vent from time to time so he knew a bunch of secrets. He was also the only one with a fireplace, a good reputation, and a basement.
“A man? With those boobs? I beg your pardon.” [ANTAG] replied, sawing the knife back and forth and hitting one more time. It made a sickening snap noise before it made a squish-like noise and blood began to leak lightly from the veins. He kept moving the knife back and forth to detach the whole part of the thigh.
“Excuse me?! I-”
“Can you both please shut up?” [PROTAG] groaned, picking up the knife hastily only to stab it into the dead body harshly to release some tension. What he hated more than two nuisances was two nuisances arguing.
The two blondes flinched when they saw the man stab the body so easily. Cowards.
“Whatever.” [ANTAG] replied, unable to help a small smirk when he saw his least favorite people scare so easily.
It was just a little over the hour mark when they finally finished their duties of chopping the body up. The two doppelgängers were completely stained with blood and dirt. Their limbs shook and ached and their hair was frizzy and messy. The adrenaline rush never seemed to end, and [COLLEAGUE] was the one to put the body parts into trash bags. The ‘messier’ doppelgänger rested against the ‘neater’ version. His eyes were barely open at this point, his body limp and stressed.
“... I always forget how much work this is…” He murmured quietly, his arms wrapped around himself as he laid his back against the other's side. “I want to throw up.”
[PROTAG] just nodded in response, hearing the rustling of bags as the body was packed up. He leaned his head against the other and sighed. What got him to this point in his life? He could've been a pastor by now if he just followed his parent's ways. But he was here… with a set of clones and an annoying work associate. He chuckled to himself, and… he smiled a little. Was this really his group of friends? Well, friends-ish. It was insane to think that, but true in a way.
“... We're kind of like a friend group but for murder.” He snickered, glancing sideways to see his other self trying not to puke.
“Is that good, or…?” [COLLEAGUE] spoke up for the first time since they got here, giving the two men an unsure look. [COWORKER] fidgeted with his cuff sleeve silently, thinking over the events of tonight and how many times he'd helped his work crush hide a body.
The newbie shrugged. “I don't know. On the news they think we're just one person. We technically are because this one won't stop killing people!” He huffed out, elbowing his doppelgänger who kept quiet and tried not to wretch.
“Don't worry, I'm waiting for the day you kill someone too.” The ‘better’ blonde commented, not giving the other a chance to reply. “Morally we're pretty bad, but in my opinion I like it. I'm technically not doing anything wrong. And besides, not like I'll get fired for being an accomplice. You already know where I work,” He smirked.
[PROTAG] smiled ever-so-slightly despite being somewhat insulted. That was true. He'd probably go to jail if they ever got caught, but if there was a situation where he didn't go to jail he'd probably still be working there. Or maybe he wouldn't. Who knows? Not him. Not like he knew a lot of things, anyway. The last of the body went into a trash bag. It was the dead guy's hand, and it looked slightly blue. Dead bodies were gross. He wished his doppelgänger wouldn't kill people, but… on the… upside… he got to hang out with people.
“... Don't worry. If one of us goes to jail, we all are.” [ANTAG] said with the smallest grin, taking his hand off of his mouth.
How comforting.