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Little three-year-old Kim-Jeon Sarang didn't need much to be happy: as long as her Papa "Gugu" (as she would call him) cooked her favorite meals for her every day, as long as her Appa walked hand in hand with her to kindergarten, and as long as her Papa read her the same bedtime story about the bunny that found his way back home from the woods, she was happy. But it was already past her bedtime when her Papa leaned forward to place a kiss on the crown of her head. “Goodnight, my flower,” he whispered against her hair. Sarang let out a sigh, clutching her stuffed rabbit tighter. “Night-night, Papa,” she mumbled sleepily, already drifting off. Jeongguk softly smiled at her and carefully peeled himself away from the chair. Every movement was practiced, like a gentle dance choreographed over the last three years. He took quiet steps across the rug, making sure to avoid the creaky floorboard near the doorway. His hand turned the knob ever so slowly until he slipped out and gently closed the door behind him with the hush of a father who’s done this a thousand times.
In the hallway, warm light glowed from the wall sconce. He was just about to head down the hall to his office when he heard a deep voice, the same voice he falls in love with every passing day, calling out. “I’ll be waiting for you in the bathroom,” Taehyung said from behind him, a mischievous smile pulling at his lips, the edges of his soft brown hair falling over his forehead. He held up a small box in his hands, that box, and wiggled his eyebrows. “Don’t take too long this time, Mr. Jeon.” Jeongguk’s heart gave a familiar flutter. “Five minutes,” he promised. Taehyung hummed, unconvinced, already sauntering off down the hallway in his cozy sleep pants, bare feet padding on the wood floor, the box cradled protectively in his hands. Jeongguk stood still for a second, breathless in the wake of him, before shaking his head with a soft chuckle and slipping into his office.
His desk was a comfortable mess of his camera lenses, SD cards, and a neatly labeled external hard drive. Everything was mostly black, as it had been his aesthetic ever since his high school days. But there, at a corner of his desk, the corner only designated for his daughter's art pieces, a colorful pile of random papers, of all sizes and textures, gave Jeongguk's office that pinch of color that stood out. The corner was filled with Sarang's little doodles and drawings that she would gift to Jeongguk every day. They were so cute that he didn't have the heart to discard them, despite the fact that the pile was getting more and more huge by the day. And despite Taehyung's insistence that it didn't go with his interior design preferences. His picky, gorgeous, and adorable husband. His very being was ever so present all around the office, the house, and Jeongguk's life. Like the faint scent of vanilla he was sensing from the diffuser Taehyung had snuck in there last month, which was the only smell Jeongguk could slightly tolerate without it upsetting his nostrils.
He opened a drawer, looking for the wide-lens camera he liked to use for intimate close-ups, already mentally framing how he wanted to shoot tonight, picturing the slow opening of the box, the flutter of anticipation on Taehyung’s face... But as he moved his mouse to wake the computer, his eyes landed on a folder he didn’t remember seeing recently. Nestled between client folders was one named plainly: "Taehyung demo.” He realizes that it must be from the whole video project of Sarang's conception, pregnancy and birth that he and Taehyung decided to film to document for their private collection of home videos. He had edited and physically saved that entire video compilation, putting all the demos together and then deleting them. But this one seemed to be one that he forgot to delete, still on his computer. Curious, Jeongguk clicked it open.
The video wasn’t long. A little over three minutes. But as soon as the screen lit up, he froze. He barely blinked as he watched Taehyung on-screen, glowing, rounded, and full with Sarang and the love he has for his family. His belly was prominent beneath his white tank top, one hand resting on it almost instinctively. “Jeon Jeongguk, did you make me wait ten minutes again?” Taehyung asked the camera with an exaggerated pout, brow furrowed in mock offense. “I was about to fall asleep on the birthing ball waiting for you.” Behind the camera, Jeongguk could hear himself chuckling, soft and fond. “I’m serious,” Taehyung said, still pouting. “This baby and I have things to say, and if you don’t document us right, I’m taking over director duties.”
Then, as if the irritation never happened, Taehyung began to gently hum, fingers rubbing slow, affectionate circles over his belly. Jeongguk was mesmerized, looking at on-screen Taehyung like he was physically in front of him. “You’re getting heavy now, aren’t you?” he cooed. “But not too heavy for Appa. You and I, we’re doing just fine.” Jeongguk sat there, watching the love of his life talk to Sarang, when she was still in her Appa's belly, with so much tenderness it nearly undid him. His throat tightened.
He snapped out of it when the video ended. Taehyung is waiting for you, again, he reminded himself, smiling faintly. Don’t make him pout twice in one night. He stood, grabbing his camera and quietly exiting the office. On the way to the bathroom, he paused at the console table in the hallway, the one Taehyung had recently cluttered with new journaling supplies and a fresh scrapbook. It sat beside the well-loved, thick album from his first pregnancy. The older one had weathered edges and was stuffed with polaroids of Taehyung's belly at different stages, little notes in Taehyung’s handwriting dedicated to his firstborn daughter, and delicate watercolors he’d painted all over the pages. The new one beside it had only just begun. The cover was blank, but the first few pages already held dried wildflowers, a photo of Taehyung holding the pregnancy test, and the words: "Week ??? We'l see if you're in my tummy. If you're in there... Hello, baby. I'm Taehyung, your Appa. You're sharing a body with me now, how weird is that?" Jeongguk gently ran his fingers over a blurry picture of Taehyung from the last weekend, curled on the couch in one of Jeongguk’s hoodies, glowing with something unspoken. And a part of him wished that tonight's results could keep that glow on his darling husband.
Then, he flinched, caught, as he heard his full name being called from the bathroom: “Jeon Jeongguk!” He could swear to his beloved family that one of these days his time blindness would be the end of him. But for now, he had important business to attend to.
He turned the corner into the bathroom, and he saw that the older man was already sitting cross-legged on the bathmat, arms crossed, and with his lower lip adorably puffed out in a full pout. “You said five minutes,” he whined to Jeongguk, who laughed softly. “I got distracted. You’re very distracting. Even in video form.” Taehyung narrowed his eyes. “You watched the birthing doc footage again, didn’t you?” Jeongguk stepped forward and kissed the pout off his lips. “Guilty.” Taehyung softened immediately. Not that he ever stood a chance. “Fine,” he mumbled against Jeongguk’s mouth. “But don’t forget why we’re here.” He lifted the small box between them.
The pregnancy test.
Jeongguk placed the camera on the sink in front of them and knelt beside Taehyung. Together, hands brushing and eyes searching, they opened the box. Taehyung carefully handled it as if it was the most priced possession, which at the moment it really was, and went ahead and peed on it. Easy. Now the hardest part was waiting for the result. The box read they had to wait three minutes for the result to appear. It was one of those fancier tests that showed the word "Pregnant" (or "Not Pregnant") when the results were in. They've been trying to conceive for some weeks now, but despite the strong nausea, the fatigue and the cramps he had been feeling lately, Taehyung waited as long as he did to take the test, just to be extra sure.
As his fingers brushed Jeongguk's, he tried looking at anywhere but the test. Suddenly, the ceiling, the mirror, and even the toilet all looked more appealing than that small stick.
But after some time, Jeongguk rubbed his hands together and clapped before standing up to take the test from the sink. He held it for a moment before passing it to Taehyung, who took it with trembling hands. The older man closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and only then stared at the result in front of him. He handed it back to Jeongguk, and the younger one stared at it for some minutes. Jeongguk's mouth opened, but no sound came out. He slowly lifted his gaze back to Taehyung, staring at him with those large doe eyes that made Taehyung fall in love with him every single passing day. And then... he smiled. One of those Jeongguk smiles where his eyes got soft first and his lips followed with a wide grin. And then... he cried. He full-on sobbed in his hands. Taehyung knew exactly what type of emotion was causing his crying. The type that made his soft-hearted Jeonggukie cry when they watch romantic movies or when Sarang says "I love you" to him out of nowhere. The type that was now making him cry as he was holding a pregnancy test with the word "Pregnant" loudly and clearly displayed on the little screen.
Jeongguk got on his knees in front of Taehyung and placed his hands on his husband's belly, even though they both knew the baby was still not big enough to feel. However, he did notice a little belly protruding. It wasn't totally flat, and that made him cry even more, burying his nose on Taehyung's waist. He looked up, eyes impossibly large and glistening with tears, and whispered, “are we having a baby?” Taehyung nodded and cupped Jeongguk's cheeks between his large hands. And the both of them laughed and cried at the same time, never breaking their eye contact. The contact with those beautiful, big eyes that held Taehyung’s past, present and future. Those beautiful, big eyes that Taehyung fell in love with as soon as they landed on him for the very first time all those years ago.
Jeongguk's camera felt like an extension of his right arm at that point in his life. But, if he was being honest, it was his only friend amongst the intimidating tall buildings in Seoul. Right now, it was helping him focus on his feet instead of having to look at the hundreds of new faces he saw around the art building campus.
He had just come from Busan, and the city was less familiar to him, more intimidating. He heard he was going to have a roommate from his hometown to share the dorm' room with. And although that made him a bit calmer, it didn't make his anxiety go away. It didn't make him a different person all of a sudden. He was still an extremely shy, first-year student, hiding behind his camera.
He relied on his camera's viewfinder to guide him, as he kept on filming almost everything in his path. His big, black combat boots. The trees jostling with the wind of late autumn. Some tiny yellow flowers that grew between the pavement's rifts. He filmed everything but people.
Except him. The most beautiful person Jeongguk had ever laid eyes upon. He was sitting by a windowsill with a sketchbook on his lap. The sunlight pouring through the glass made his honey skin glow brighter. He didn't mean to film him, but as soon as his camera lens froze on him, it was stuck. And it would've been stuck there forever if it wasn't for said gorgeous boy looking up and catching Jeongguk staring. And instead of turning away or looking confused... he smiled and waved at him. Like he knew. Like he knew Jeongguk.
From then on, Jeongguk found reasons to pass by that window. The only sense of familiarity he found in that campus. Sometimes he'd film. Sometimes he wouldn’t. Taehyung always noticed. He always smiled. Jeongguk didn’t know when things changed between them, when filming Taehyung became loving Taehyung. It could’ve been that rainy day they heard each other's names for the first time. Or maybe the night he picked Taehyung up from the train station and he held him tightly in his arms, feeling like the world had shifted, just a little, as Taehyung became his safe space then. Still is.
People talked about destiny like it’s a sudden thing. And for the longest time, Jeongguk, being the hopeless romantic that he was, had fallen into the trap that romcoms had set up, making him believe that the moment he would fall in love, he would feel it like lightning or bells chiming. But meeting the love of his life made him realize that destiny was slow. It was steady. It was the feeling of something pulling at your chest from far away, long before you had a name for what you were missing.
He was well aware that many people didn't believe in destiny and the undeniable deterministic implications that come with believing in it. But he was convinced that he was meant for something, or someone, he just didn’t know what shape that love would take. He didn’t know it would have warm brown eyes and a deep baritone voice. He didn’t know it would come with a smile so adorable that it turned his beloved's lips into a heart shape. He didn’t know it would be a boy in paint-smudged dress pants and paint on his fingertips. And he didn’t know, not yet, that one day, that love would curl up against his chest and call him “Papa Gugu” with a tiny voice.
But even before he met them, Jeongguk firmly believed he was already on his way to find them. Their love didn’t begin with a montage and a romantic song playing in the background, like in the movies. It began with a glance. A viewfinder. A smile. And now it stretched into the future, safely guarded and growing inside of Taehyung's belly.
Week 11
Dear Cinnabun,
That’s what your sister, Sarang, has decided to call you for now. We don't know your name yet. I'm sure it'll come when you’re ready (psst, psst, your Papa, Jeongguk, already had some names planned way before we even knew you). You are so loved, desired, wanted. We all love you so much already. Your Papa and I wished you upon so many shooting stars, your sister and I blew so many dandelions wishing for you to exist, we lit candles almost every night. You were even your sister's wish last Christmas! We held hands in the quiet, hoping you could hear us and find your way to us. And now you really are on your way to us! I'm so excited to meet you.
With all my love,
Appa.
Taehyung found himself leaning on the toilet seat for the fifth time that day. And he stopped counting when it came to the week. He was extremely exhausted almost all day. And the worst part of it all was that he started hating seeing Jeongguk's food neatly arranged in the kitchen aisle. If you asked the Kim Taehyung from weeks ago regarding this, he would find this outrageous. But this week's Kim Taehyung was dealing with "next-level morning sickness" that made him feel extremely queasy every time he did as much as see certain foods. And this was doubly worse now that he knew he was pregnant, because he was afraid that he was not giving enough nutrients to his growing baby, despite the fact that he knew, rationally, from the tons of pregnancy books he read while pregnant with Sarang, that this was not the case.
Jeongguk returned a few minutes later to their room with a bowl of rice porridge and a glass of water, the only things Taehyung's stomach could tolerate these days, finding his tired, defeated husband on the edge of the bed. "Sarangie asked me to make breakfast today because she wanted to see if we got another double-yolked egg today like we've been getting lately, but I can't even be on my feet for more than five minutes without getting dizzy."
“Tae, you don’t have to,” Jeongguk said gently, crouching in front of him. “Let me take over for now.”
“But...” Taehyung started, pouting, his lip trembling. “I wanted to make her breakfast.”
“You made her,” Jeongguk said, eyes shining with the softest smile. “That’s enough for today. For her whole life, even.”
Taehyung looked at him. This man had once been so shy he barely spoke above a whisper. Now, he filled every corner of Taehyung’s life with his strength. The same man who gave him his jacket without hesitating that rainy day that brought them closer was now his partner in life.
Jeongguk got up and was about to take Taehyung's glass from his hand, when Sarang came running into their room. "Appa, Papa, did you know that bumblebees have hair on their eyes?" Her tiny voice never failed to melt Jeongguk's heart.
Taehyung gasped and made a surprised face while looking at his baby. "Is that so? What about dogs, baby?"
"Well, they do too. But not in their eyes. They have eyelashes. Like us!" she exclaimed, doing that up and down bouncing she did whenever she shared something she was interested in with her dads.
At that moment, Taehyung felt nauseous again and ran to the bathroom, leaving a very worried Sarang behind. “Appa’s okay?” she pulled at the hem of Jeongguk's t-shirt with her tiny fists clenched around it. Jeongguk lifted her on his hip and murmured, reaching for her hand. “Just tired. How about we go watch some Sesame Street while Appa rests? Hmm? So he can feel better.” Sarang rubbed her eyes, tired as well, and buried her little cheeks on her Papa's chest as he carried her to the living room. When he came back to Taehyung, he found him in the same position in bed: tired, defeated. "We can't let Sarangie know that I'm pregnant," Taehyung confessed, looking at his intertwined hands on his lap.
“Right. She’ll tell the whole world,” Jeongguk agreed to the plan, with a guilty laugh, as his expert fingers massaged the nape of his pregnant husband. “Remember when you got that tiny cavity last summer?”
Taehyung smiled at the memory. “She told your mom through the phone, her kindergarten's nurse, and two strangers at the grocery store.”
“She even told the neighbor’s cat,” Jeongguk added dryly.
“She said, ‘My Papa has a toofie hole!’” Taehyung snorted. “I’ve never felt so exposed in my life.”
So they agreed: not just yet. Not until their doctor confirmed everything looked okay. Not until they were ready for the world to know, because Sarang’s joy was too big to keep inside. They will eventually tell some of their closer friends. But they'll do each reveal at their own time. And for now, they'll follow Taehyung's plan.
However, having a plan didn't make things easier. Not when his daughter looked at him with those adorable eyes that looked just like Jeongguk's. Not when Sarang was a mini copy of Jeongguk and it was already hard to say "no" to him, let alone to little Sarangie. But now that he had her bouncing lightly on her heels and clapping her little hands together (her favorite thing to do when they lit the candles for “wish time”) right in front of him, it was harder than he thought.
Their little ritual had started innocently back when Sarang was two and had learned what a dandelion was. One sunny spring day, she made a wish: “I want a baby sib-a-ling. A tiny one. Like Mr. BunBun,” the character from the book Jeongguk read to her every night. Taehyung and Jeongguk took this to heart, as they've been dreaming about more babies ever since Sarang was born, so the dandelion wishes had become part of their routine. Candles lit. Dandelions gathered at the park. Hopeful whispers that turned into wishes. And now, one week after Taehyung had seen the "Pregnant" word on the stick, their wishes had come true. Sarangie's wishes had come true. Which made tonight's "wish time" even harder.
Tonight, as Taehyung watched her concentrate on lining up her favorite plushies like little spectators around the candle, his heart ached with how much he already wanted to share the truth.
“Appa, are we gonna do a wish again?” Sarang asked, pushing her bunny plush, Baby Gugu, closer to Taehyung’s leg.
“We are,” Taehyung said, voice soft and steady despite the tightness in his chest. He reached out, gently bringing Sarang to his lap where he was sitting crossed-legged on the floor of the living room, and lit the small beeswax candle they always used. Sarang beamed as the flame flickered to life. Then, without any ceremony or prompting, she wriggled out of her Appa's embrace and leaned her head against Taehyung’s belly, nose scrunching up as she giggled softly. “Baby sister, Cinnabun,” she whispered, “look! Can I show baby sister my plushies?”
Taehyung stilled.
She began holding up her plushies, one by one, speaking to his belly in a hushed voice, as if she already knew.
“This one’s Mr. Turtle. He’s slow but he’s nice. This is Baby Gugu, he’s the baby version of Papa Gugu. And this bear is called Sleepy, she naps with me. When you get here, I’m going to show you all my toys. If you’d like that.”
Taehyung’s breath hitched. And he felt a lump on his throat, unable to fully cry. There was something so achingly pure in her voice, something shy but sure. Like she knew. Like she could already sense the baby quietly growing inside his belly.
A tear slid down his cheek before he could stop it. And then another. And another. Sarang looked up and try to stop the tears from falling with her little hands to his Appa's cheek. “Appa? Why are you crying?”
He pulled her into his arms, hugging her close with one hand gently over his belly. “Because you’re the best big sister already, my love. You’re so kind.”
“Is the baby in there already?” she asked, looking up with wide, hopeful eyes.
Taehyung swallowed the lump in his throat and kissed the top of her head. “Maybe,” he whispered. “Maybe they're listening to you. Maybe they also want to hug you, just like you hug us.”
She gave Taehyung a sloppy kiss on the cheek and smiled as she reached to blow out the candle, closing her eyes tightly. “I wish for my baby sister to come happy and healthy and fast.” The flame flickered, then vanished.
Taehyung kissed her forehead again and whispered back, “I love you so much.”
After they're done with their daily "wish time," Taehyung could hear Jeongukk and Sarang's blended laughs coming from Sarang's bedroom. He wished he could implant a recording of the sound of their voices in his brain and play it whenever he's feeling down these days due to nausea, or tummy aches, or exhaustion. At the same time, he knows it wouldn't ever have the same effect as hearing them like he is doing now, so he feels deeply honored to be there to listen to it.
The second semester of Jeongguk's first year at uni went by flying. He was constantly drowning in assignments, and not leaving things until the last moment to then be fueled by the guilt of possibly not being able to deliver them on time was not his strongest suit. However, that little moment of seeing the boy in the windowsill during class breaks was the highlight of his days. They have not talked to each other yet, but they have been consistently waving at each other for months ever since the first time the boy smiled at him. That is, until a rainy day brought them together.
It wasn't a dramatic storm, but it was just annoying enough to wet your shoes on the way to the dorms if you had a small umbrella. Or soak you completely, if you had none. Which was the case of the soaking wet individual that had just come closer to him. The person was soaked. Absolutely dripping. Jeongguk turned to the stranger, horrified, and willing to share his umbrella with them so thye don't catch a cold.
And there he was.
The boy from the windowsill. Standing right in front of him. And with his clothes completely drenched.
He was actually that gorgeous up close as he looked from afar, and Jeongguk could not believe he was real. He didn't want to sound like an obsessed fanboy, so when the boy smiled at him when he offered to share his umbrella, like it didn’t matter that he was standing in the rain, getting more drenched, Jeongguk got worried. He pulled one of his earbuds out, trying to remember how conversation worked. “Uh... hi,” he managed. “Are you okay?”
The boy looked down at himself, then up again with a small shrug. “Just a little rain. I like the sound it makes on my umbrella. Even when I forget to bring one,” he chuckled.
Jeongguk stared. “You didn’t bring an umbrella?”
Again, the boy held both his arms up, and Jeongguk watched as water spilled from his sleeves all over the floor. “Well, clearly not. I guess I brought bad decisions instead.”
Jeongguk let out a short, startled laugh. It was too real, too unscripted. He took his jacket off and held it out to Taehyung without thinking. “Here. You’ll catch a cold.”
The boy stared at him. "You’re just giving this to me? What about you?”
“It’s fine,” Jeongguk said quickly. “I mean, I have an extra hoodie on my backpack. I just didn’t want to see you, like... shivering to death during your lecture.”
The boy's eyes softened and he took the jacket like it was made of gold. His long fingers brushed Jeongguk's for half a second and he felt like his heart was about to get out of his chest.
“I’m Taehyung,” the boy said, slipping it on with a grateful sigh. “You just saved my life, so I figured you should know.”
Taehyung. Even his name was beautiful, Jeongguk thought.
"Plus, I often see you around campus with your camera," Taehyung continued. "Wait," he reached out for his pant's back pocket and took out a little folded piece of paper. "I drew you," he offered it to Jeongguk with a tender smile.
"Jeongguk," he replied, unable to stop smiling. "And thank you," he didn't know what else to say.
Taehyung tilted his head. “You have a nice name. Sounds kind of... fated.”
Jeongguk's breath caught for a beat, not really understanding what he was saying, but almost getting emotional about it without knowing why. He saved Taehyung's drawing of him on his backpack to see it later in greater detail. “Yeah,” he said softly. “Maybe it is.”
The door to Room 207 opened. A wave of students spilled in around them, the spell of the moment nearly broken. But before entering his class, Taehyung leaned over to ask if Jeongguk believed in artists who painted their dreams, the rain outside deepened, and Jeongguk knew. This wasn’t a coincident. None of this was. Ever since Taehyung waved at him, Jeongguk felt like their hearts were on their way to find each other.
Week 12
My little Cinnabun,
You’re only the size of a plum now (although my belly is already showing). Isn’t that wild? So small, yet my world already orbits around you. This week, I started talking to you whenever I help Sarang water our little garden. “Good morning,” I say to the tomatoes. “Good morning,” I say to the basil. “And good morning,” I say to the baby who I'm writing this to. We’re both blooming, little one. You on the inside, and me on the outside. Let's keep growing strong.
I love you.
Appa.
Taehyung wished he could curse whoever coined the term "morning sickness" because his sickness was in the morning, afternoon, AND night. But these past few days, it had been really bad at night. He really couldn't wait for his first trimester to be over so he could get rid of the awful, debilitating nausea. His "morning sickness" wasn't as bad when he was pregnant with Sarang. And it definitely got a lot better once he reached the second trimester. So he was looking forward to that.
But in the meantime, he was definitely having a hard time sleeping at night, as he already felt his baby getting heavier and heavier. The old books he bought in his latest pregnancy apparently claimed his baby was only the size of a plum. Those books needed to say that to his hips, pelvis, and lower back, which were screaming "help!" at him, but he felt bad because he couldn't help them.
Not even the old trick that used to be helpful to help him fall asleep on restless nights when he wasn't even pregnant was useful anymore. He used to take a cup of warm milk, and that would lull him to sleep instantly, but now he just hung around the kitchen, watching whatever variety show was airing on TV at 3 AM, or just playing games on the console, like he and Jeongguk used to play back when they were university students.
So that morning, he had to put his best face on when his sweet girl, Sarang, came running down the hall with her outfit of the day: some brown overalls with her flower-printed shirt underneath and her mini loafers paired with mismatched socks. She always got to choose her own clothes, but Jeongguk always helped her put them on. So as she came running, Jeongguk followed closely behind, blurting out sleepy and soft "careful, careful"s to his daughter. As soon as he saw Taehyung plopped down on the sofa, his heart shattered.
"Hi, darling," he leaned down to kiss Taehyung's lips and then his forehead. "Rough night again?"
"Hmm" Taehyung pouted, agreeing with his husband's assessment of his situation.
“It’s a sunny day! Sarang’s happy!” his cute daughter made her appearance with tiny hops. "Appa is up?" she stared at Taehyung with her big, curious eyes, and he couldn't help but gently pull her in for an embrace.
"How is my favorite girl in the world today?"
"Excited to go with Appa!"
Walking Sarang to kindergarten was one of the best moments of the day for Taehyung, before suffering through the first trimester, that is. Before that, he missed her terribly, and they had little to no time to spend some time together. So he took the opportunity of taking her to her kindergarten, which was thankfully located near the school where he worked at, as some quality time with his baby. While also letting Jeongguk rest a little, since working as a freelance video editor meant Jeongguk got to work from home, but it also meant he was Sarang's full-time dad. "If dragons were real, their eggs would be this!" Sarang clapped her tiny hands together as soon as Jeongguk placed both plates of cut passion fruit for both of his babies on the table.
As the younger man took a big bite out of the egg toast sandwich he had made for himself, he followed Sarang with his gaze to be extra sure that she was busy with her morning cartoons before he finally asked Taehyung, in an almost confidential tone: "are you telling them today, baby?"
Tahyung stared at him blankly. "Who?"
"Your friends, at work" Jeongguk replied with an endeared grin on his face.
"OH, yeah, sure. Sorry. It's the pregnancy brain, or whatever," he pouted for what felt like the 100th time in the day, and rested his chin on the palm of his hand. "What about you? Could you tell yours?"
Jeongguk smiled to himself as he remembered his friends' reactions. These were some of the friends Jeongguk made back in university, at film school, around his senior year, when he was already out of the shell that Taehyung helped him break. They were playful and teasing with him, since they were all around the same age, but Jeongguk was sure that they were also very loyal and protective. He told Taehyung about them congratulating him like he won a championship or something, which Taehyung agreed with. It felt like they did. And especially shared Eunwoo's congratulations with his husband, which his friend claimed had to go to Jeongguk and Taehyung’s "incredible fertility." Taehyung snorted and almost spat his water out.
"But, jokes aside, we really do need to tell the hyungs together." Jeongguk meant his hyungs from university, the friends Taehyung introduced him to back in the day. Yoongi hyung lived a few blocks away from them and was also Jeongguk's professional partner, helping him with mixing audio or composing soft background tracks for his videos. After university, he was the one who remained the closest to them, because living closer to one another allowed them to meet more often. So much so that Sarang affectionately called him "Uncle Meowgi," and all of her weighted blankets were now also his. Namjoon hyung, who was Taehyung's roommate at the dorms, became a filmmaker and often worked with Jeongguk on editing passion projects like mini-docs, indie music videos, or short films. He came over often to review footage or to brainstorm ideas and always ended up staying for dinner. He also became Sarang’s favorite story reader, as she loved the way he acted out the animal voices of her books with a serious tone. Seokjin and Hoseok hyung were studying economics, but after university, they opened their own cake shop. And Jimin hyung, who was Jeongguk's roommate at university, ended up graduating from law school and becoming a really successful lawyer. And since he started working at a law firm out of town, they didn't get to see him as often as before, as often as they'd like. But that's what their group chat was for. The group chat where, just the other day, Taehyung dropped the bomb about his pregnancy and let the chaos ensue.
Out of all their friends, despite being in different degree programs, Taehyung and Jeongguk remained attached at the hip. Jeongguk was the hardest to put in a box, since Taehyung firmly believed he was good at everything and could go for any of the things he excelled at (art, sports, dancing, singing, the list went on). But Jeongguk himself had always had a hard time finding anything he enjoyed doing for more than a few years, or even months. Which is why being a freelance video editor was where he settled because he didn't have to have a nine-to-five job and could sometimes travel, which he really liked (although, ever since Sarang's birth, he found it really hard to be away from his family).
As for Taehyung, his dream had always been to be a father. He always dreamed about having as many babies as his body allowed him to. But after he actually got pregnant and had to go throught it all, he started making the number go lower. However, he always loved children. So although his job was emotionally and physically taxing, he adored his kids (which is what he called his students) and their minds. As an art teacher, he got to see all the ways his kids created things differently, he got to learn new things through and with the kids every day, and they listened to and shared music in class. During recess, he couldn't move from one place to another without a little line of kids following him like ducklings. He also had all the staff and teachers at school fawning over him, more so after they found out he was pregnant with Sarang, so he couldn't wait to see his teacher friends' reactions to the news, as they were already overprotective of him.
And he definitely couldn't be more grateful for the school being so near to his house. His nauseous stomach appreciated the morning air smell of sunshine and damp leaves, the kind of scent that made Taehyung breathe deeper as he walked with his little girl’s hand in his to kindergarten and to work. Their hands swung gently between them. While Taehyung's steps were slow and careful, Sarang’s were springy, full of a toddler’s energy as she gripped his fingers, skipping a little every few paces. Her little backpack bounced with her, oversized and crinkled with crayon drawings she refused to throw away because she promised to give every single one out to her classmates.
“You know, Sarang,” Taehyung started, smiling down at her, “I want to ask you some things this morning.”
“Like a game?” she asked, lifting her face to him, never letting go of her Appa's hand.
“Exactly like a game.”
She beamed. “Okay! I’m ready.”
Taehyung tilted his head thoughtfully, the way she loved to mimic. “What’s your favorite expression or saying?”
“Hmm...” She pursed her lips, dramatically considering, then answered with great conviction. “Papa Gugu. I say it to Papa when he looks like a bunny. I like the sound: Papa Gugu! Papa Gugu!”
Taehyung took his free hand to his chest and giggled at that, asking his next question. “Okay, teacher-nim, if you were a teacher, what would you teach?”
“Hugs,” she said immediately, as if the answer had always been waiting. “I’d be the hugs teacher.”
He smiled softly. “And what would your lessons be like?”
She thought hard. “I’d teach people how to hug real soft when someone’s crying, like Appa and Papa hug me. And tight hugs when they win something. And group hugs when someone is shy.”
Taehyung had to blink rapidly in order not to cry in the middle of the street. His hormones were definitely not helping. “You’d be the best hugs teacher,” he said thickly.
"Like Appa!" she replied proudly, skipping a little ahead as her kindergarten's logo, the huge anthropomorphic sun, started coming into view in the distance.
He watched her go a few steps ahead of him, the breeze brushing her soft black hair. She stopped to crouch and wave at a neighborhood cat perched lazily on a wall, and then again when she saw a small dog peeking from a yard. “Hello, puppy!” she chirped. “I love you!”
Taehyung’s smile trembled. He could not stop seeing Jeongguk in her. Sarang was not only so similar to him physically (the same little nose, wide eyes), which admittedly made Taehyung a bit upset when he thought about the fact he carried her to term, a bit overdue, and she was basically Jeongguk's twin. But also in her mannerisms, here and there. And Taehyung knew it was because they spent a lot of time together, which also hurt him a little because he hated that aspect of his job, the part that took time away from him that he could be spending with his precious firstborn. But now he was just making himself sad, so he turned back to the questions.
“Okay, last one,” he called gently. “If you could have a portal, like magic, that could take you anywhere you wanted, but it could only take you to the same place for the rest of your life...where would you like this portal to take you?”
She stopped walking. Turned to Taehyung. And without even blinking, she said, “home.”
Taehyung froze.
She could’ve said the park. Or the toy store. Or that beach they took her to last spring where she found a seashell she still slept with sometimes. She could’ve said the moon, or Jeju, or anywhere her dreams could stretch. But she said home. So tears filled his eyes. There was a little ache in his throat, that ache that only came when his heart felt too full to hold everything at once.
She didn’t ask why he was crying when he caught up with her and lifted her gently into his arms for one last squeeze and sloppy kiss on her rounded cheeks before she went into school. She simply held his cheeks back and kissed his nose. “You’re happy crying, Appa?”
He nodded against her little forehead. “Very happy.” He inhaled her soft scent. She also smelled like Jeongguk. Like fabric softener, fresh soap, baby lotion and home.
“Okay,” she whispered, satisfied with her Appa's answer. “I love you."
Taehyung gently put her down on the floor and they did their little goodbye ritual before finally separating: hug, two cheek kisses, fist bump and a high five.
As she skipped toward the school entrance, her little hands waving behind her, Taehyung stood by the gate with a palm on his belly. He looked down and whispered softly: “you’re going to be born into so much love. So much.”
And when he turned to walk toward the school where he taught at, just across the road, his daughter's little voice still reverberated in his ears as he entered.
He was instantly greeted by the sweet smile of Ms. Yoonsuh, the receptionist. He went by the janitor's closet to get some of the art supplies he stored there during the weekends, and said hi to Mr. Seongmin, the janitor in charge of that. To each new person he passed and that he knew, which was practically the whole school, he was giving them the news in passing, leaving a very stunned and overly joyful person behind him every time. He loved how happy this made the people in his life. Both of his pregnancies sure were the best news of his life. The day before, while Jeongguk was out with his friends, he invited his own childhood best friends over, and he also video called his musician friend, Hyoshin. And all were delighted to hear the news.
So he didn’t know why he was so nervous about sharing it with his teacher friends. Nevertheless, he was already nauseous enough to let his anxiety make it worse, so he just kept walking towards the teachers’ lounge, pushing his thoughts to the back of his mind. “Mr. Kim!” someone called brightly, pulling him out of his thoughts, anyway. It was Ms. Kang, one of the P.E. teachers down the hall, waving her lunchbox at him. “Don’t think I didn’t see you skipping breakfast again, young man! Plus, Ms. Park told us you are expecting another baby!” her face instantly brightened.
“I had toast, thank you very much either way,” Taehyung said with a polite smile. It wasn’t a lie. He had one bite from Jeongguk’s toast this morning before nausea made it impossible.
“Toast doesn’t count,” she huffed. “Come sit. Eat.”
He nodded sheepishly and made his way into the lounge as she opened the door for him. Thankfully, there was no one else there, because he wanted to get the sofa before anyone else occupied it. When Ms. Kang left, as soon as he closed his eyes and rested his head against the sofa’s armrest, the door burst open with familiar chaos. “YAH!” came a voice full of drama. “Am I just a taxi driver to you people?!” Taehyung instantly recognized Sunghwan’s voice.
“Well, no, you are also a good cook,” Seojoon grinned, pushing past Wooshik with a hand on his shoulder. “This is what you get for those talents.”
“Don’t start, stop annoying him again” Wooshik groaned, dropping onto the couch beside Taehyung.
“Hi, baby,” Hyungsik cooed, slipping in next and also sitting next to Taehyung. “You look pale. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Taehyung said, flustered but comforted. He hadn’t seen his teacher brothers in over a week, calling in sick as he physically could not get up without puking some days. “Just tired.”
“You work too much,” Wooshik stood up with a huff, setting a lunch tray in front of Taehyung. “You need to take care of yourself. You're still the baby of this group.”
Taehyung laughed, cheeks tinged pink, and leaned his head on Hyungsik’s shoulder for a moment. It was a long day, and it wasn’t even noon yet. Taehyung was exhausted, but his heart was filled with impossibly much more love than he had started the day with, and he started it with the two people that, in his humble opinion, were the ones who had the most love to give. His chest ached for the first time in weeks, not because of nausea this time, but with the sweetness of that love.
As they started fighting about car rides and food containers again, Taehyung randomly blurted out: “Hyungs, I’m pregnant.”
Hyungsik’s face changed immediately. “You’re-?”
“Pregnant again?” Seojoon blurted.
Wooshik clapped so loud it startled a passing student. “Seriously?!”
Taehyung nodded as his cheeks incarnadined. “Yeah.”
They all stood and dragged him into a group hug immediately.
Sunghwan wiped his eyes. “I knew you were glowing more than usual lately.”
“You’re going to be the most spoiled of the group from now on,” Wooshik said. “Get ready for custom meal deliveries and foot rubs.”
Taehyung laughed and sniffled, breaking the hug to look them in the eye. “You’re already doing too much.”
“We’d carry the child for you if we could,” Seojoon said with a mock-serious face, scanning Taehyung's body with his eyes immediately after, “but you’ve got the hips for it.”
Taehyung rolled his eyes with a smile on his face. But Wooshik immediately pulled them all into a group hug again.
After saying goodbye to each of his kids, with too many little flowers tucked behind his ear to count, a gift from each of his kids, as always, he saw Yunah at the back of the class, still picking her stuff up. And this time, sniffling, and wiping her nose with her little hands, as if she'd been crying. He approached her and crouched to her level. “Do you need any help with that?” he pointed to the art supplies laid out in the small circular table.
She instantly looked up at him and hiccuped some more tears as she nodded. He knew that, in the past, Yunah had trusted him with her story from her old school, where she was bullied. She had thanked him and told her mom that “Mr. Kim is the only friend I have.” Taehyung showed her that she could make tons of friends, and he encouraged other kids in his class to include the little girl. But today, she was sad because she spilled some paint over her drawing. “As a wise man I know always says to me,” he told her, repeating Jeongguk’s words, “there is no right or wrong in making art.”
He helped her pick up the rest of her stuff, and they headed out together. Yunah’s mom was already waiting for her outside, and she gave Taehyung a polite smile and a bow. He did the same and immediately spotted his Jeonggukie waiting for him, just some cars beside them. He was tired, his back ached, and his feet throbbed from standing most of the day, but there he was, the love of his life, just outside the school gates, looking so unmistakably Jeongguk with his black hoodie pulled over his head, his long hair escaping at the sides, and a tote bag slung across his shoulder that read “Papa Duty, Level Expert,” one of Sarang’s gifts for Father’s Day last year. He smiled when he saw Taehyung, and it was that smile, the one that made his wide, pretty eyes look like crescent moons and crinkle at the sides from how much he meant it.
“Gukkie...” Taehyung said, voice breathless, as he reached him.
“Hi, baby,” Jeongguk greeted, pulling the tote around with both hands like it was a prize. “I brought reinforcements.” He crouched to unzip the bag and pulled out a still-warm thermos of tea, Taehyung’s favorite honey rice snacks wrapped in foil, his prenatal vitamins in a tiny pillbox filled with Sarang’s Hello Kitty stickers, and... “Wait for it...” Jeongguk said, rummaging once more, “ta-da!” He held up a small bouquet of sunflowers tied with string. Likely from one of the street carts Jeongguk always stopped at on his way to pick Taehyung up.
Taehyung smiled so widely his eyes shone. “I love you so much I could die,” he whispered, letting his head fall gently to Jeongguk’s shoulder.
“Please never do so,” Jeongguk murmured, caressing his cheek with his hand, carefully. “But you looked tired this morning, and I just... wanted you to feel loved today.”
“I always feel loved when you’re around,” Taehyung said quietly.
Jeongguk handed him the thermos and opened it for him, taking it to Taehyung’s lips, wanting to pamper and take care of his baby. “Drink this first, then the snack. I didn’t forget your vitamins this time, see?” he said it cutely.
Taehyung gulped and then laughed, nudging him with his elbow. “You really are on Papa duty.”
“I try my best,” Jeongguk said, and kissed his temple with such casual affection that Taehyung nearly teared up.
They sat down together on the low stone ledge just beside the courtyard, Taehyung leaning into Jeongguk’s side as he sipped the tea and slowly unwrapped the snack. Their fingers intertwined over Taehyung’s belly, which was now showing more noticeably beneath his knitted vest. A group of his kids passed by and waved. “Mr. Kim! Bye-bye!” Taehyung waved back. Jeongguk did too, proudly. And for a moment, all the noise around them dimmed. Taehyung closed his eyes and focused on the way Jeongguk’s broad shoulders rose and fell with each breath he took.
This is all Jeongguk needed. He didn't mean to say it out loud, but it escaped his lips: "what have I done in a previous life to deserve this?"
"What have I done in a previous one myself to deserve you?" Taehyung asked him.
Taehyung was the first person to know his heart and his forever safe place.
Jeongguk had no other option but to believe in destiny as much as he did because how was such a beauty like Taehyung hanging out with him of all people? He just started randomly joining him while he edited with his headphones on at the library. They would just share a comfortable silence that Jeongguk could not be more grateful for. Having Taehyung around calmed him, calmed his mind. And he could actually concentrate and get things done.
Occasionally, the older boy would ask him random questions, about his favorite type of shoes, about his favorite season, about what he liked singing when nobody was around, about the type of flowers he would pick from around the campus, things like that.
He did not see himself the way Taehyung saw him yet. Taehyung was fascinated by Jeongguk. He saw Jeongguk as the most interesting, most talented, most amazing, humblest, sweetest, prettiest (but that part was only stored for his heart to hear) person he’s ever met, and he genuinely wanted to be friends with him, aside from the massive crush he was developing for him. But Jeongguk didn’t know that. After all, he thought a guy so handsome like Taehyung would never even look at him like that.
But that night was different, somehow, from all the ones they spent at the library. Taehyung showed up with a bowl of soup. “You barely talk to him,” he said, placing the tray on Jeongguk’s desk. “But Jimin said you skipped meals again, so. Here.”
Jeongguk was stunned. Jimin... His roommate? Why was he going around talking about him? Oh, now that he thought about it, Taehyung was friends with half the campus, and Jimin was probably his friend too. “You made this?” he asked, wide eyed, holding the bowl like it was the most precious magic potion.
Taehyung huffed. “No, it made itself. Yes, I made it. Just please eat.”
When Jeongguk finished, he thanked Taehyung profusely and buried his face between his crossed arms on the table. He closed his eyes, starved of some good sleep. When, suddenly, he felt his fingers, Taehyung’s, gently combing through his hair, slow and soft against his scalp. “You always look like you’re thinking a thousand things,” he heard Taehyung say.
Jeongguk breathed out a small laugh, tired of his own brain, which did not have a "stop," or at a minimum a “slow down” button. “I usually am.”
“You don’t have to with me.”
That made Jeongguk pause.
“I mean it,” Taehyung said. “You don’t have to perform or translate yourself or explain yourself when you're with me. You’re enough, just like this.”
Jeongguk felt like crying right then and there.
Taehyung was the first person to know his heart and his forever safe place.
Week 13
My not-so-tiny Cinnabun,
I'm starting to wonder if you are just a giant baby, or if you are hiding a pet friend with you in there or something, because my belly is only getting bigger and bigger, and I haven't started the second trimester yet. See, my books say you are the size of a kiwi, but you look from the outside and feel from the inside more like a cantaloupe. Either way, PEEK-A-BOO! Today, Papa and I saw you for the first time, and we heard your tiny but strong heartbeat! I know it's silly to say this because I already adored you so much before this, but this made it realer, you know? To hear you. Your Papa was crying so much. He is really gentle-hearted. He was squeezing my hand a bit too much, though, and that did hurt :( But I forgive him because he was so excited. You should have seen how big his eyes got when he saw you on screen. I’ve never loved him more than I did in that moment. Except maybe now. Or now. Or now. Or now. Or now. Love keeps growing. Just like you do.
Always loving you,
Appa
Taehyung's clothes officially didn't fit him anymore. He was inspecting his tummy, standing sideways in front of his large mirror in their room, when Jeongguk walked in, filling the room with his perfume scent. Taehyung loved it so much. He turned to look at him, and he was almost knocked off his feet. He was wearing his usual oversized black t-shirt which was doing nothing to hide his muscular chest, and his baggy black pants. His beautiful, long black hair was tied in a half ponytail, and he looked like the sexiest man on the planet to Taehyung. "Are we going to see Jieun noona, or are we going on a date?" Taehyung said suggestively.
“Why not both?” Jeongguk smirked.
Taehyung lowered his gaze, shy, and then tried to change the topic to save face, as he didn’t know how to reply to Jeongguk’s flirting at the moment. “Jeonggukie, be honest, what if I told you that there’s more than one baby here?”
Jeongguk didn’t respond for a while, and Taehyung almost feared his husband was dreading the possibility. But his answer calmed him down. “What makes you think that, baby? I do see your belly seems to be bigger than it was at this point of your pregnancy with Sarangie.”
Taehyung kept both of his large hands over his belly. “Exactly! I don’t know. I just feel heavier. And so tired. And the nausea has never given me a break ever since we found out about Cinnabun.”
Jeongguk scrunched his nose at the mention of the baby’s nickname. He was already so endeared by it. “Either way, Tae, we will find out today at the ultrasound. And I’m very excited,” his voice shied away.
Taehyung turned to him and squished his cheeks in between his long fingers. “I’m excited too, Gukkie.”
They shared a long kiss and finally headed out to the clinic.
It was a Saturday. Sarang was at his Uncle Meowgi’s house, and the clinic wasn’t as crowded for that very reason. Taehyung and Jeongguk were sitting impossibly closer as always, as if their bodies couldn’t stand being away from the other for even a minute. Shoulders against the other’s, knees touching, and with their hands interlocked. Taehyung kept looking around because the waiting area had changed a bit ever since he was last there. He used to come here all the time just to hear Sarang’s heartbeat, even if the check-up was not necessary. And his obstetrician, Dr. Lee Jieun, became his dear friend over time, so she had no problem constantly seeing her “TaeTae” in and out of her office.
When she finally called them in, her examination room’s smell instantly brought memories back to Jeongguk. It hasn’t changed one bit. The small speaker that played the soft ballads that helped Taehyung relax each time was still in the same place it was the last time they'd been here. The place was softly lit, framed in light peach walls and gentle greens that made it feel more like a cozy studio than a medical space. And at her desk, checking some paperwork, with her hair tied back in a bun and her eyebrows scrunched in concentration, there she was, their doctor. She had not sensed them coming in, so as soon as she saw them, she stood up and almost hit her hip with the desk trying to free herself from its confines to hug them. “My favorite couple,” she opened her arms wide. Her gaze then flicked to Taehyung and her eyes softened. “TaeTae. Back again, huh? Couldn’t stay away from me that long, I see,” she teased, but huffed out a tearful “congratulations” as she pulled him into a careful, sideways hug, with her hand resting protectively on his shoulder. Then, she glanced at Jeongguk.
“Jeon Jeongguk,” she said warmly, eyes narrowing just slightly in mock warning. “You better be helping with the foot rubs this time.”
“I give massages to Taehyungie twice a day,” Jeongguk blurted, flustered. Taehyung flicked his chin, unable to resist his cuteness.
“Come here” she opened her arms again, and this time, she gave Jeongguk a tight hug. “Congratulations to you too, Papa.” She adjusted her white coat a little bit when they separated, before turning back to her patient. “You look tired,” she gave Taehyung a sympathetic look. “But strong.”
“I feel tired,” Taehyung admitted, reclining a little as she prepped the ultrasound station. “But I also feel good. I don’t know, it’s different this time.”
“I’m glad,” Jieun smiled, not tearing her eyes away from the screen, as she was prepping everything. “Because I remember how hard it was with Sarang. You were scared, overwhelmed, and in pain most of the time. And yet...” she paused, turning to him now and resting a hand lightly on his knee, “you came back to do it again. That’s love, Taehyungie.”
His eyes softened, and his hand went right on top of his stomach.
Jieun gave him a knowing smile before she slipped on her gloves and squeezed a generous amount of cool gel onto his belly. “Alright. You know the drill. The gel might be cold, and that might startle you. Let’s check on your little baby.”
Jeongguk moved closer, his fingers lacing gently with Taehyung’s. The room went quiet except for the gentle swishing of the transducer as Jieun moved it slowly across Taehyung’s skin.
Then, all at once, the familiar sound Taehyung loved so much filled the room: a soft, rhythmic thump-thump, thump-thump. Steady. Strong. He loved hearing it when he was pregnant with Sarang. He couldn’t believe he was hearing it again. His little baby. One day, he would also take this baby to the park. He would walk holding hands with them around the city. They would be the best of buddies. That was Taehyung’s biggest wish. He gasped quietly when the screen showed him...
“There’s your baby,” Jieun whispered, smiling at the monitor. “Heartbeat’s strong. Just listen to that rhythm. Like a little drummer in there.”
Jeongguk’s hand squeezed his. He was already sobbing, covering his mouth with one hand, firmly grabbing Taehyung’s hand with the other. “That’s them?” he barely managed to whisper. “That sound... it’s so...”
“Beautiful,” Taehyung said, turning to him, reaching out to caress Jeongguk’s cheek.
Jieun tilted the probe slightly, frowning just a bit, not out of concern, but curiosity. “Hmm. That's odd.”
Taehyung immediately tensed. “What is it?”
“Nothing bad,” she assured, still focused. “It’s just that the heart rhythm is unusually... full. Like, stronger than expected. Like...”
Jeongguk’s eyes widened. “Twins?”
“Not necessarily. Could be a shadow, or an echo,” she said. “Sometimes early scans pick up a synchronized beat, and it sounds amplified, especially if one embryo is hiding behind the other. But this doesn’t seem to be the case so far,” she kept moving the probe around Taehyung’s belly, trying to check different angles. “We won’t know for sure until your next appointment when things are a little more developed. But it’s... interesting.”
Taehyung looked up at the ceiling, stunned into stillness.
Jieun gently wiped the gel from his belly and rested a palm over the spot with reverence.
“You’re already doing such a good job,” she said softly. “Whatever comes, TaeTae, one baby, two babies, or a whole rock band in there, I’ve got you. We’re going to take care of you every step of the way. You’re not alone. And I’ve seen you before. I know how strong you are when it comes to carrying babies.”
“I haven’t carried babies yet,” Taehyung thought, but didn’t voice it out loud. His eyes burned as he reached for Jeongguk’s hand again. Jeongguk, still reeling, leaned down to kiss his temple. He pressed his forehead against Taehyung’s and joined their hands in silent gratitude towards him.
Taehyung then turned to Jieun. “Thank you, noona,” he whispered while reaching out for her hand.
“You know I don’t just see you as a patient,” she replied, reaching to grab his hand and crouching to meet his eye level. “You’re my friend. One of my softest, most adorable, and strongest friends. And I love you. I really do.”
Taehyung gave her a watery smile. “I love you too.”
Later, as they walked out of the clinic hand-in-hand, Jeongguk kept stealing glances at Taehyung, unable to get the sound of the baby’s heartbeat out of his mind, replaying it on a loop in his brain. How it sounded... different.
“I still hear it,” Taehyung murmured, like he could read Jeongguk’s thoughts just seconds ago. “That heartbeat... But let’s wait and see.” He gave Jeongguk a teary-eyed smile, and his husband squeezed his hand again, kissing it softly.
It was Jeongguk’s first time meeting Taehyung’s friends (well, aside from Jimin, who was already his roommate, but he didn’t know him, know him, and certainly not like Taehyung’s friend). He was nervous because he wanted to make a good first impression, for him, for Taehyung. He didn’t know why he felt like he was meeting the in-laws or something, but his brain definitely understood it that way, and now his hands were sweating as he looked like a lost deer in the middle of the big table in the campus’ cafeteria, where the six of them were chatting and laughing to their hearts’ content. Jeongguk sat awkwardly, with all of Taehyung’s university friends around them, getting his only little source of comfort from Taehyung’s knee slightly touching his under the table.
Taehyung had introduced him to his friends long ago, but he felt like he had nothing to add to their conversation so he just remained silent. He looked at Taehyung and then back at his five other friends, and he noticed just how loved Taehyung was. He had this way of taking up space that didn’t push others out but simply made more room for more love. He himself realized how easy it was to fall in love with him as soon as they met. He started focusing on Taehyung with the excuse that he was talking now, so he could look at his face. His beautiful face. His beautiful moles. His beautiful mismatched eyes, which somehow made him even more charming. His honey skin and how he always looked sun-kissed. He wished he could kiss him. His lips, which looked like they formed a heart shape, perfectly round, and plump, and pink. He wished he could...
“I’ve lived with you for a whole semester and never heard your voice. You speak?” The whole table went silent, awaiting his response, and Jeongguk was forced out of his thoughts. Taehyung was full-on staring at him now. Had he noticed how Jeongguk was looking at him? Please, no... The older boy gave him a soft smile and flicked his chin as he was getting used to doing, and as he looked around the table, now everyone was sporting a kind smile, waiting for his reply to Jimin.
“Uh, yes, I do” is all he managed to say.
Jimin laughed tenderly at him. “Look, I like you, Jeongguk, you remind me of my little brother, but he isn’t as cute as you. He talks back and all. I wish you were my little brother instead of him.” The whole table was laughing now about what Jimin said. He seemed like a really charismatic guy, too, Jeongguk thought. It made sense that Taehyung was friends with such cool people. Again, why did Taehyung like him?
He was taken out of his own self-deprecating thoughts once again when he noticed the subtle (not-so-subtle to him) way in which Taehyung’s shoulders sagged when Jimin mentioned his little brother, and the conversation now pivoted to jokingly mocking siblings. Everyone seemed to have an embarrassing story to share about their siblings to mock them lovingly and keep the laughs going. But Jeongguk noticed Taehyung’s silence. He himself did not share anything because he genuinely loved his older brother like a best friend and didn’t even have anything bad to say about him, not even in the form of a joke.
He decided to gently place his hand over Taehyung's and asked him, in the lowest of voices, “are you okay?” Taehyung quickly sported a smile on his face, and replied “yeah, sure,” as if nothing happened, and got up from the table. “Guys, would you like to order some pizzas? We can move this to the art department's library. You know that Hyojin noona always lets me borrow the keys.”
“That’s because she likes our Taehyungie,” Seokjin hyung said from his position, in a teasing tone.
Taehyung looked genuinely offended by this and almost spat out his reply. “She is literally the librarian, and she is a really good friend of mine. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Well, chill,” Seokjin hyung tried to calm the situation down, “I was just making a joke to keep the humor going.”
Namjoon hyung was the one to speak up now, “it’s a really good idea, Taehyungie! I was really craving some pizza myself, I don’t know about the rest of you.”
Everyone hollered in approval, yet Jeongguk could still feel the tension lingering around Taehyung. Suddenly, the older one extended his hand to him. “Would you like to come request the pizzas with me, Jeonggukie?” Jeongguk took his hand and followed him.
As they walked there, with Taehyung’s back facing him, Jeongguk wished one day Taehyung would trust him enough to tell him all that is troubling his heart.
Week 14
Hello there, my sweet Cinnabun,
The first trimester is finally over. Yay! We made it! Together. That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through. We’re getting closer and closer to the day I will meet you! There are still many more weeks left, though. But until the day we meet, let's stay healthy and happy together. I'm going to build up my basic physical strength so I can be strong enough to carry you for the next few months. Let's give it a try. Because I'm the one who's most worried about giving you my best.
I'll try my best.
I love you so much already,
Appa
Taehyung was now convinced that if his next ultrasound did not confirm he was pregnant with twins, he was definitely carrying the world’s biggest baby, because he could not believe that this belly expanding in front of him was already as big as it was when he was five months pregnant with Sarang. And the first trimester had just finished.
Standing in front of the mirror, he tried putting his tie on, and barely managed to put his brown sweater on, as he pressed his fingers to his side, breath catching. He had been feeling this sharp, searing pain slicing through the lower part of his belly, on the sides, for some days now. Another cramp rippled in his lower belly just then. And it felt like someone was trying to split him open from the inside. He tried breathing through them, but if he was being honest with himself, he almost cried out of frustration. He looked like a mess, but felt more like a mess. He terribly missed his Jeonggukie.
It had only been two days since Jeongguk left for a short trip to New York with Namjoon to film a local festival. Just four or five days apart, they’d said. Jeongguk insisted on staying with him, but Taehyung almost begged him to not lose this career opportunity. And now he was regretting his past self’s decisions. Because it was starting to feel like an eternity. He wanted his husband’s strong arms around him. He missed his sweet smell in the morning. And his gentle massages as soon as he woke up. He missed the way he helped him shower with such delicacy, kissing every inch of his back and chest. He missed tracing little hearts on his tattooed arms at night to help him drift off.
And Sarang’s crying at night, asking for her “Papa Gugu’s bed time stories” certainly didn’t make things any easier for Taehyung.
Each morning, he counted down the hours. Each night, he curled around one of Jeongguk’s shirts just to inhale what was left of his soft scent. And every time they video-called, Taehyung's pout only deepened.
Today was no different.
On the third morning, bundled up on the couch with a warm tea, and his brown dress pants long forgotten at the corner of the room as Taehyung had gave up on even putting those on, in a safe way for both he and the baby, he answered Jeongguk’s video call. His husband had been calling him every single day ever since he left, which had been, again, only two days ago, even though it was hard to believe.
“I miss you,” Taehyung pouted with that soft, sleepy voice Jeongguk knew too well. “A lot.”
Jeongguk smiled, but his eyes dimmed slightly. “I miss you too, baby. So much. Just a couple more days and I’ll be home with my two loves.”
Taehyung blew a kiss to the camera, keeping his fingers lingering on his lips a bit longer for the last kiss he sent him. "Of course, Gukkie."
“See you later, make sure you eat something, okay?" Jeongguk, ever the sweetest husband, always wanted to make sure Taehyung was well.
"I will. You eat something too, Gukkie. Love you," Taehyung blew yet another kiss to the camera.
Jeongguk caught it in his palm and pressed his hand to his heart. "Talk to you later, my love."
"Bye, bunny. I love you," Taehyung grinned as they hung up.
The excitement he felt just seconds ago talking to his husband, hearing his voice, and seeing his pretty face, quickly vanished as soon as he saw the black screen of his cellphone after the call ended. He already missed Jeongguk so much. And as if right on time, he felt another sharp pain on his side. He tried breathing through it. He was used to some pain like this, as it was part of some of the same early pregnancy symptoms he had when he was pregnant with Sarang. Naturally, as his belly was expanding. But if he really took this as seriously as it was, they were never this intense then.
Jeongguk could also sense things weren’t completely fine, and that last kiss Taehyung blew him made him miss him doubly as hard. So as he stared at his husband’s caller ID’s picture, and saw himself hugging Taehyung from behind as he held a giggly Sarang in his arms, his heart ached. He didn’t even think about it for more than a minute.
Taehyung, meanwhile, got himself and his baby girl ready and headed off to school, hiding his fatigue behind his usual calm demeanor. This strategy was useful to him for some minutes, but as soon as the bell rang, and the laughter of his kids echoed down the corridors of the school like birds flying out of open windows, Taehyung leaned his forehead against the cool metal frame of the art classroom door. His hand trembled where it cradled the underside of his bump. Sharp, stabbing pain lanced across his lower belly again. His breath came short. Another wave of nausea rose up, hot and thick, and he clenched his jaw. “I can do this... it’s just stretching... Jieun noona said this might happen.” He tried coaching himself through the pain. But the truth was: he couldn’t catch his breath. Not properly. Not fully. His vision blurred.
Then, he heard a voice.
“Tae?” Seojoon stood at the door, eyebrows drawn in concern.
“Taehyung-ah,” Hyungsik’s voice followed, softer but firmer, as the others, Wooshik and Sunghwan, rounded the corner and froze. He could hear their voices, but very muffled now. He must’ve looked bad. Pale. Clutching at the small of his back like it was the only thing keeping him upright. Sweat pearled at his temple. He hadn’t even realized how tightly he was gripping the doorframe. Because the only thing he could concentrate on was the immense pain he was feeling in the lower side of his belly.
“Hey, sit down. Come on,” Seojoon guided him inside the art room, helping him onto the little stool by his desk.
“I’m fine,” Taehyung said, though his voice was faint and a little hoarse.
“No, you’re not,” Wooshik muttered, kneeling in front of him, gently resting a hand over his knee. “Is it the baby?”
Taehyung’s head dropped. “I don’t know. I’ve been having pain. Cramps. Nausea all morning.”
“Your face is gray,” Sunghwan said quietly, already pulling out his phone. “We’re taking you to the doctor. Now.”
Taehyung winced as another sharp cramp twisted through him, like an invisible hand was pulling at his insides with too much force. “I’m scared,” he finally admitted. His voice cracked. “It’s not like the first time. It hurts more. My whole stomach feels like it’s unraveling.”
His hyungs moved as one. No hesitation. Sunghwan had his car's key ready. Seojoon supported him on one side, while Hyungsik was on the other. Wooshik picked up Taehyung’s bag. And as the four of them made the effort to carry him to the car, he cried out for someone to take care of his daughter, and to pick her up from kindergarten. And sure enough, Wooshik was out of the car and taking care of that for him. As the car drew away, he watched as his friend waved goodbye to him from the rearview mirror.
As soon as Taehyung was sat on the wheelchair that was waiting for him at the clinic, and he looked back to see his hyungs' worried faces, waving goodbye to him as he was being taken to Jieun's office, he remembered why he hated hospitals so much. They always meant "something might be wrong with my baby." And Taehyung hated that. He wanted his baby to be safe. He finally let himself sob at the mere thought of something wrong happening to either one of his babies, whether it was to his older baby or the baby in his belly.
That's how Jieun found him. Her heart clenched at the sight. She thanked the nurse who wheeled Taehyung to her office and ran to hug his friend as carefully as she could. “You are ok now," she reassured him, wheeling him inside. “Can you stand up for me?” she asked, holding both hands for him to take. He did so, slowly. And she gently guided him to sit on the examination table. As she turned the machine on, she turned to her friend, with her eyebrows furrowed. “TaeTae... you should’ve come yesterday if it was like this."
“I thought these were just the usual early symptoms,” he whispered, eyes already welling up with tears. “And Gukk’s not here.” He was sobbing again.
“Oh, my darling boy,” she said as she slipped gloves on and placed a hand over his belly, the only comfort she could provide now. “That doesn't mean you’re doing this alone. Ok? You have me, always.” She started the scan, her voice soft, clinical, grounding. “Let’s see what’s going on in there.” The room quieted. Until suddenly, Jieun’s brows furrowed again, a deeper frown than the one earlier. “Wait,” she murmured, moving the transducer slowly. One heartbeat, strong and steady. Then another, perfectly in sync.
Taehyung gasped, tears breaking free down his cheeks. He instantly understood what was happening.
Jieun’s eyes lit up. “There are two babies in there. Twins, TaeTae. And Di‑Di twins! Two separate amniotic sacs, two placentas. The safest kind, darling.”
His breath caught in his throat. “Twins...?” He asked because he couldn’t believe what he himself was saying.
“That’s why the nausea is worse this time around. The fatigue, the cramping. You’ve been doing twice the work, love.” She took his hand, squeezing it gently. “And you’ve been so brave.” She smiled at him. “Want to know something cuter about these two little ones? One of them was hiding behind the other, that's why it was hard for me to see them at fierst. And their little hearts were so in sync that I could barely differentiate one from the other.”
His voice wavered. “Their hearts were... in sync?” His babies.
Jieun smiled at him. “Yes, sir. Like the best friends they already are."
As tears slipped down his cheeks, he pointed to the screen where both of his babies (he couldn’t believe he was talking about babies now, two) were displayed. Now, distinctly, Taehyung saw both babies in the same frame on the screen. One of his babies was wiggling around in their sac on top of the other who had a sac of their own as well, making it look like they were both chilling in tiny bunk beds in his belly. “Each one of them has their own bunk bed,” he tried to smile through his tears.
She gently cleaned the gel off his belly and gave him a little cheek pinch. “They sure have the best hotel.” She got up from her chair then and left the room softly, promising to print out the ultrasound photos for him.
Taehyung sat in the quiet of her private consultation room with only one thing on his mind. Jeongguk. The love of his life. These babies' other father. He immediately reached for his phone, heart beating wildly to call him to share the news. But at that exact moment, his phone lit up.
Jeonggukie 🐰💜 Incoming Call
Almost like they have both thought about the other at the same time. Taehyung smiled through his tears and answered the call.
“Hey,” Jeongguk greeted softly. “I just... I needed to hear your voice again.”
Taehyung opened his mouth wide open, in surprise. “Gukkie...”
“I’m at JFK. I couldn’t stand being away from you. You saying that you missed me just made my heart sad. So I booked the next flight home. I know it’s a long ride, 15 hours and all, but I’m coming back to you. And I just... couldn’t stay.”
Taehyung was completely overwhelmed. He felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. And tears welled up in his eyes again. It was like the fifth time in the day that he was sobbing. Jeongguk, his Jeonggukie, had no idea about the babies yet. Taehyung swallowed back his sob. “You’re coming home?”
He could hear Jeongguk's smile through the phone. “Of course I am.”
And at that moment, Taehyung made a decision. He wouldn’t tell him yet. Not over the phone. He’d give Jeongguk this surprise the right way.
The whole ride to Yoongi’s house, as Wooshik drove them there, Taehyung, with little Sarang asleep on his chest, could not stop thanking him for today. For having taken care of him, of his baby, for taking him to Yoongi’s. Hell, Yoogi! What a friend! Taehyung realized he had an amazing community of friends who were there for one another whenever the other needed it. Wooshik reassured him that it was nothing, and that he was sure that if he were the one needing something, either him or Jeongguk would be there for him too.
“Can I feel them?” he had asked Taehyung, once they were parked in front of Yoongi’s house and waiting for him in the car.
Taehyung grabbed his hand and guided it to his rounded belly, careful not to wake Sarang up. “They are still really little for others to feel their movements.” He got closer to him to whisper: “but I can feel them moving around.”
Not only Wooshik, but all of Taehyung’s friends found him so endearing for things like this. So he couldn’t help but internally coo over his pregnant friend.
“I can feel one of them is more active than the other. And now that I know that one of them was hiding behind the other, I can tell one of the babies is a little bit more shy,” he smiled, looking down at his belly. “But I love them so much already.”
At that moment, they both turned to Yoongi’s entrance door, as they heard it opening. The sleepy house owner approached them, and placed his elbows against the rolled window. “Hey, Wooshik hyung.”
“Hey” Wooshik smiled back.
“Where is my granddaughter?” he asked with a slight rasp to his voice.
Taehyung giggled. “It’s goddaughter, hyung.”
“Yeah, yeah, you heard me,” he smiled as soon as he saw Sarang stirred, rubbing her eyes with her little fists.
“Uncle Meowgi!” her tiny voice squealed.
At that moment those two people beside Taehyung, alongside Jieun, were the only ones that knew about the two babies inside of his tummy. And they would eventually tell their friends. However, it pained him that his husband, the other father, did not know yet. But Taehyung really wanted it to make this special. Sarang, on her part, cried a little, having to be away from both her Papa and her Appa all in the same night, and her little cries shattered Taehyung’s heart into tiny pieces. But Yoongi managed to calm her down telling her that he had some new sock puppets for them to play with and make some scenes with. Sarang had been so invested in theatre and dance lately that she was instantly excited and reluctantly said bye to her Appa, but at least not with heartwrenching tears slipping down her little cheeks.
And then he went back home to prepare. Closing the door behind him, he was smiling so wide just thinking about Jeongguk’s return. To be in his arms. But then his smile turned into emotional sobs as he finally got to process everything that happened that day. And now he was just sobbing, missing Jeongguk and wishing he was there to cry on his chest. Jeongguk would comfort him. He would rub his back as he would let him sob on his chest, as he did countless times, not minding his shirts, only caring about Taehyung. He missed his husband so much.
He took some deep breaths instead of just spending the whole night sobbing, and cradled his now prominent bump.
Taehyung moved slowly but with excitement. He filled the house with soft candlelight and red flower petals, trailing from the hallway to the living room. He put on a romantic playlist, one of their shared favorites. And he baked some muffins that Jeongguk had admittedly left pre-made for him to eat when he was gone, putting some candles on top of them. He carefully placed the ultrasound scans into a small gift box, and tied it with a red satin ribbon, making sure red was present as much as possible. His fire. Jeongguk. Without him,he really was drowning.
So he settled down on the sofa to wait for Jeongguk, as his back and hips were starting to protest at him again. But what he initially thought was going to be some light rest, was a full-on crash, as his body finally caught up with all the exhaustion of the day. With his body overwhelmed, heart racing from emotion and effort, Taehyung curled up on the sofa with one hand on his belly, drifting to sleep while the playlist played in the background and his babies moved under his palm.
Jeongguk arrived very early in the morning. And showed up home, luggage still in hand, body aching from the long flight, but heart thudding with anticipation. He stepped inside, only to freeze at the sight of flower petals lining the floor. He followed them down the hallway with a cheeky smile on his face, heart climbing up his throat, until he turned the corner into the living room. And there he was. Taehyung. With his mouth slightly open, saying some things Jeongguk barely understood, sleeptalking. Jeongguk thought his husband had never looked better than he did in that moment. He had seen Taehyung in all types of conditions, and he loved them all.
As he approached the living room, he saw the muffins he made, now with little candles on top, and the small gift box beside them sparked his curiosity. Music still floated softly in the background.
Jeongguk knelt beside the couch and gently kissed his cheek. “Tae... baby. I’m here.”
Taehyung stirred, eyes fluttering open, and the moment he saw him, he surged forward and wrapped his arms around Jeongguk’s neck, clinging.
“You’re really here,” he whispered, feeling Jeongguk's cheeks like he was not real.
“I told you,” Jeongguk smiled. “I couldn’t stay away.”
Taehyung sat back, breath catching. “I have something for you.” He pointed to the gift box on the table.
With trembling hands, Jeongguk opened it.
And froze.
Two little ultrasound prints. Clear. Real. “...Twins?” he choked out.
Taehyung nodded, his eyes glassy. “You’re going to be a papa of three.”
Jeongguk didn’t say anything at first. He just pulled him in a long, passionate kiss, the scans still clutched in one hand. He loved this man so much. Taehyung had made him so incredibly happy.
So although Jeongguk considered himself a very lucky guy for having the most beautiful man he had ever seen as his husband, he was lucky for moments like these.
No matter how many kilometers he had to travel, he will always find his way back to Taehyung.
It was during midterms. Taehyung had stayed up all night finishing a painting project for his Advanced Color Theory class. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep in the quad, but the sunlight had been warm, and he’d uncharacteristically pulled an all-nighter the night before so of course he was exhausted.
Jeongguk found him there, sprawled on the grass, one cheek smudged with blue paint. He crouched silently, camera forgotten in his bag, just watching, barely blinking, as he usually did whenever he was looking at Taehyung. And then, he moved, startling Jeonggunk.
Eyes half-lidded, voice soft and raspy, he yawned. “Mornin’, bun.”
Jeongguk’s ears turned red instantly. “I... I just- you fell asleep.”
Taehyung stretched, looking up at him. “Did I drool?”
“No,” Jeongguk said. Then: “you look beautiful.”
Taehyung froze. Then smiled.
And Jeongguk, mortified, practically teleported back a few feet. “I mean-! Not like, you know, beautiful beautiful... just, um...” he stuttered.
“Hey,” Taehyung said, still smiling. “Come sit next to me.”
“...Okay.”
Jeongguk sat. And Taehyung leaned his head on his shoulder, closing his eyes again. “Thanks,” he whispered. Jeongguk didn’t say anything else.
But his heart, he was sure, was no longer his. It had always been on his way to find this man now leaning on his shoulder.
Week 15
Dear Babies (I can't believe that I'm writing ‘babies,’ as in two of you)
I'm your Papa. My name is Jeongguk. It’s so very nice to meet you two. Yesterday, your Appa told me about you. You know what he did? He prepared a whole celebration for your existence. He already loves you so much. He lit some candles in some muffins that I made for him and told me to make a wish. So I wished that you two and your sister Sarang would always be happy. I hope my wish gets granted. I've been having some dreams about you ever since your Appa told me, but I can’t even begin to imagine what kind of adventures you two will get to live once you get here. No matter what happens, I want you to be happy. I hope all of the memories you get to make are happy ones. I hope all your days get filled with nothing but happiness, my dear stars.
I love you more than I can express in just a few lines here.
Papa
Taehyung was excited to hear his Sarangie’s squeals and her little feet padding across the hall, as she played along to what Jeongguk and he had prepared for her.
It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Sarang woke up to find a sparkly envelope on her pillow, her name written across it in Taehyung’s loopy handwriting, with little pink flower stickers around the edges. She gasped. “Appa!” she squealed, stumbling out of bed with the envelope clutched in her hand. “Papa!” By the time she reached the kitchen, barefoot and wide-eyed, Jeongguk had already placed a little breakfast plate on the table which had a heart-shaped toast with jam, a cut-up banana, and her favorite strawberry milk. Taehyung turned around from the counter with a dramatic smile and clasped his hands behind his back. “Did someone find a mysterious letter this morning?”
Sarang nodded furiously. “Yes!”
Jeongguk squatted beside her. “That’s your first clue, baby bear.”
Her eyes grew even bigger. “A clue?!”
Taehyung bent down to kiss her forehead. “You’re going on a scavenger hunt. And at the end... there’s a very big surprise.”
Sarang practically vibrated with excitement. She really didn’t know what her Appa meant by “scavenger hunt,” but she sure loved playing games with her dads. She tore open the envelope with eager fingers. Her tiny voice started reading: “To find what’s next, go to the place where Sleepy naps,” she read aloud carefully. She gasped again. “The couch!”
And so it began. From the couch where she made her bear plushie nap, to the window where she watched birds with Appa, to the bookshelf where her bedtime stories lived, each clue crafted lovingly in rhyme, leading her deeper into the mystery. At each stop, she found a new clue: a pair of baby socks, a small rattle, a pacifier, things she didn’t quite understand, but gathered in her little basket with curiosity.
Finally, the last clue led her to the nursery, the room of their house that had always been empty, usually used as storage space or adapted to be a guest room for their friends, and now freshly painted in soft warm tones, waiting to be filled out: by cribs, tiny onesies, books, babies.
Jeongguk and Taehyung stood waiting inside, holding hands, occasionally gazing at each other, and beaming, giggling like they were back to their university days.
Sarang entered slowly, looking around in awe. And looked up to find both her dads already in there. “What is this room...?”
Taehyung sat crossed-legged on the floor, with Jeongguk beside him, who extended his hand for Sarang to take and join them. She ran to her Papa’s arms and plopped in between him and her Appa.
“There’s one more thing for you to discover,” Taehyung said to her, almost like a secret.
Her doe eyes went wide. “Whaaat?” Taehyung thought she looked just like Jeongguk.
“Remember how we used to always wish for a baby sister for you to play with during ‘wish time’?“
Sarang nodded, and started bouncing on the little heels of her feet, as if anticipating what was coming.
“Well, Papa Gugu there has a gift for you.”
She turned to Jeongguk with expectant eyes. He lifted her “Best Big Sister in the World” shirt that he and Taehyung painted for her, though she still doesn’t know how to read, so he read it out loud for her baby. And when he showed up the last, last gift of her hunt, Sarang actually cried from happiness, because she was now realizing what this all meant. Taehyung was convinced she was definitely a mini Jeongguk, as if there were any doubts about it before.
There, clutched between Jeongguk’s fingers, was the ultrasound pictures of her baby siblings, in their “bunk beds,” like Taehyung would see them. “You,” Jeongguk said, lifting her into his arms, “are going to be a big sister, my baby.” Her eyes went wide.
“To two baby siblings,” Taehyung added, eyes shining.
Sarang gasped for the third time that morning, tiny mouth falling open, as her little hands tried their best to wipe some of her tears. “Two?!”
Taehyung nodded, voice soft and warm. “Twins. They’re growing inside Appa’s tummy right now,” he caressed his belly.
Jeongguk pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head. “And they already know your voice. They’ve been listening to you.”
Sarang touched her Appa’s belly in wonder, resting her tiny hands over it.
“They’re gonna be your best friends,” Taehyung whispered. “You’ll get to teach them songs, and games, and how to braid hair. You’ll show them how to draw and sing lullabies.”
“Will they like dancing too?” she asked, eyes hopeful, while never tearing them away from Taehyung’s belly.
Jeongguk chuckled. “Only if you teach them.”
Sarang looked between the two of her dads, then hugged Taehyung tightly, her little hand pressed gently against his belly. “Hi babies,” she whispered. “I’m your big sister. I’ll take care of you.”
And in that moment, Taehyung felt it. A small, fluttering movement beneath his ribs. He glanced at Jeongguk, and Jeongguk knew instantly. “They’re saying hi,” he whispered, smiling with tears in his eyes.
Sarang looked up at him with joy. “They love me already!”
“You’re impossible not to love,” Taehyung said, combing her hair with his fingers.
Later in the day, as they walked hand in hand with Jeongguk around the local farmer’s market, Sarang was skipping just some steps ahead of them, proudly wearing her “Best Big Sister in the World” shirt. She was promised some strawberries for dessert today, so she was now on a totally different scavenger hunt of her own, holding a little woven basket almost as big as her. Every few feet, she would pause to inspect fruit or flowers, looking back to her dads for approval with a proud grin. Or to tell a vendor she was going to have two baby siblings, so excited to share the news with everyone, just like they have predicted she would be.
Taehyung’s right hand was firmly nestled in Jeongguk’s, while his left one was glued to his stomach ever since they got out of the house. His belly seemed much bigger not only because there were two babies in it now, but because this was also his second pregnancy.
Then, from his side, came a soft voice: “I’m so happy we’re having two babies at once. There’s going to be two little voices around our house calling us Papa and Appa. I’m happy just thinking about it.”
His soft-hearted Jeonggukie.
“Appa! Papa! Look! Strawbewwies!” she cried, pointing at a vibrant red stand overflowing with berries. Taehyung was sure that she inherited her love for strawberries from him, as they were his favorite craving when he was pregnant with her.
“Oh, those are beautiful,” Taehyung said, smiling. “You want to pick some for dessert later, hmm? Like we discussed earlier.”
She nodded furiously. So Jeongguk paid the vendor as she carefully picked the juiciest ones and tucked them into her basket like treasure.
They kept walking, slower than most families, with Taehyung pausing every so often to adjust or rest his hands on his belly. Jeongguk never let go of his hand. Always attuned, always close, steady as Taehyung’s heartbeat for him was.
Their daughter darted toward a stall selling sunflowers. And she looked back at them, again, with her eyes as wide as ever. “Appa, can we get these for the babies?”
Taehyung’s chest squeezed. “Of course, my sweet girl.”
She chose the smallest bunch and insisted on carrying it herself, declaring that they were for when the twins got there, “so they know it’s sunny even if it’s raining.”
Jeongguk knelt beside her and whispered, “you’re already the best big sister in the world.”
She beamed so brightly Taehyung swore it outshone the Sun. And as Jeongguk picked her up and placed her on his hip, to carry her for the rest of the walk, Taehyung was sure these two could easily outshine the Sun.
They ended the outing sitting on a patch of grass beneath a tree near the park, sharing fresh-squeezed lemonade they just bought. Taehyung was now resting, using Jeongguk’s backpack as a pillow, as he watched him recording Sarang. At one point he left his camera near Taehyung, asking him to safeguard it, and came back running to their daughter. Their combined laughter made Taehyung so happy, those were his two other babies, and they just happened to look like twins.
And then he started. Taehyung saw the way his husband started showing off some of the magic tricks he had learned throughout the years to impress him, and Sarang clapped enthusiastically after every single one. He noticed, too, the way that whenever Jeongguk talked to Sarang, he subconsciously imitated her gentle, tiny tone of voice. Taehyung had also noticed he did this with him, talking to him softer and gentler. There was an innocence to Jeongguk that not even he himself realized he had. Taehyung did, however, every single time. In the way those big, round eyes of his widened even more at seemingly ordinary things, the ease with which he smiled so shyly, his mischievousness and honesty, and his compassionate nature and sensitivity. He never seemed to be calculating and judging, he just went along doing what he loved with all his passion. So when he turned around and caught him staring, Jeongguk waved at him, and Taehyung could not be more in love with him than he was now.
Yet, he could. And he would. Tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that. And the years that followed.
Jeongguk was pulling another all-nighter. He was fully aware of the fact it was bad for him. But did he care more about that now or about the fact that his brain was telling him he would not make it in time for the deadline? The answer was clear. So there he was, soaking up every little minute he had the dorm room to himself, since Jimin had gone out with some of his law student friends. The lights were dim, just like he liked, lit only by the soft blue glow of Jeongguk’s monitor and the distant buzz of the campus streetlight outside the window. His headphones sat lopsided on his neck, one ear still plugged into the video editing timeline he’d been fine-tuning for hours.
And then, as if summoned by sheer instinct, Taehyung appeared. With a sleepy pout on his lips, Taehyung padded into the room barefoot, eyes glinting with mischief. “You’re still working?” he asked, flopping dramatically onto the edge of Jeongguk’s bed, his legs swinging over the side.
Jeongguk didn’t look away from the screen. “Yes.”
“Mmm. Boring.” Taehyung stretched out his arms with a yawn and shuffled over behind Jeongguk, resting his chin on the younger’s shoulder. “You always ignore me when you’re editing,” he murmured with exaggerated sulk. Taehyung had finished his assignments some hours ago because he was cool like that, Jeongguk thought, he was never the one running after deadlines. Deadlines were afraid of him, more like.
“It always happens when I’m on my computer or when I’m doing my work,” Jeongguk muttered playfully, already smiling.
“I’m your muse, though,” Taehyung said, voice thick with mock-dignity as he squished his cheek against Jeongguk’s. “You should edit faster. Or at least let me sit on your lap.”
Jeongguk let out a soft sigh and turned his chair slightly. “You know what happens when you start acting cute while I’m trying to work.”
“What?” Taehyung smiled innocently.
Without warning, Jeongguk stood up and swooped down to lift Taehyung effortlessly into his arms. “Too bad,” Jeongguk said through a laugh, already carrying him bridal-style across the room. “This is what you get.”
“Jeon Jeongguk! Put me down!”
“Oh, I will.”
With the gentlest of throws, Jeongguk dropped Taehyung onto the bed. The older boy laughed breathlessly, hair falling into his face. “You’re such a brute,” he said between giggles.
“You’re lucky I love you,” Jeongguk said, flopping down beside him.
“Yeah,” Taehyung whispered, turning to face him with a smile so soft it made the air still. “You really do, don’t you?”
They didn’t say anything for a moment. Why would they? He meant it as friends, right? They were just friends. Right?
And then, Taehyung perked up. “Wanna play Mario Kart?”
“It’s 2:30 a.m.”
“So? We usually play all night and sleep when the sun rises. Plus, we've got no clasess tomorrow,” Taehyung said, already digging out the controllers from under the pile of blankets. “Aaand you really need a break from that computer.”
Jeongguk laughed. “You’re impossible.” But he grabbed his controller anyway.
Week 16
Dear Seol and Yul,
I don't know where to start. I have so much to tell you. And I've been feeling so many emotions lately. These days, I've been seeing my friend, your doctor, a lot more frequently. She lets me see you. And hear you. We had a check-up with her yesterday. And I got to hear you again. I wish I could bottle the sound of your heartbeats. I've also found out you are two tiny, beautiful girls. You have names now, my darlings. Names your Papa chose so long ago in one of the many restless nights where we dreamed about a second child, never imagining we would get two! He couldn't decide which name he liked more. And now he doesn't need to! It's almost like he always knew you'd be with us. I don’t know what kind of parents we’ll be to you yet. But you have the kindest Papa in the world. He sings to you every night when he thinks I’m asleep. He talks about you like he already knows you. Like he’s known you forever. And he is already making plans to add you forever in his skin, the same way he has your sister's name tattooed on his hand. The same hand he uses to pick her up, spin her, hold her, tickle her, read her bedtime stories, cook her favorite foods for her. He's just so incredible. But, anyways, my beautiful girls, you’ve both been with me all this time. We’ve shared everything. The long days, the aching nights, the joy, the fear. All of it. I’ve carried you everywhere. And I’ve loved you every second.
And I will keep loving you every second of your lives.
All my love, always,
Appa.
When Taehyung started the letters to his babies, with the first scrapbook he brought when he was pregnant with Sarang, he knew he wanted it to be a place to communicate with them, always with one thing clear: he would not show all the ugly in detail. His babies didn’t need to know that, and he just wanted them to be happy, like Jeongguk’s letter also stated.
So he omitted how awful he had been feeling physically for some days now. If Jeongguk wasn’t the perfect man that he was (always rubbing his thighs when he gets cramps from walking for too long, massaging his neck whenever he does as much as a slightly pained facial expression, cooking different meals for him for the days he can’t keep anything in without his stomach begging him to release all of its contents from inside it of, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg), he would already be floating in a sea of his own sorrows, or his own puke, since his nausea was back, and with a vengeance. Jieun told him that was happening to him because his organs are currently fighting with the babies for space in his body. And Taehyung doesn’t know how he will grow any bigger in the next few months.
And he was just so tired. Most of the day. And that brought guilt with it, because he couldn’t play with Sarang like he used to. He couldn’t be intimate with Jeongguk the way they used to, maybe still regularly, but not in the rougher way he preferred, because Jeongguk had become so much more delicate with him when it came to sex. And Taehyung liked it rough.
But all the rough he was getting was the type he didn’t like. Rough days. Rough nights. It had to get better at some point, right? Taehyung just didn’t see how some days. But the thought of his babies growing healthy in his belly kept him going. Reminded him to be strong.
Then again, some other days were so beautiful and he knew he was creating so many precious memories he would treasure forever. And today was one of those days, blasting some of Sarang’s favorite songs through their car’s speakers, as they drove to his parents house. He was almost back to biting his nails like he used to when he was a kid with how nervous he was. But not anxious, just excited. He and Sarang had been rehearsing a little play to announce Taehyung’s pregnancy to her grandparents, that she directed and co-wrote with the help of her Appa, with a bunny theme, because that’s what Taehyung always liked to call her, his “little bunny.” His littler bunny, more like. As his little bunny was now driving next to him.
He felt so secure with Jeongguk driving them and Sarang’s tiny little singing voice in the back, as she flapped her hands in her baby carseat, that he fell asleep for the rest of the trip. Until he was woken up again by Jeongguk’s soft kisses once they were already parked in front of his childhood home, back in Daegu after so long. Ever since Sarang turned three, it had been harder to travel from place to place with her, but Taehyung always made time to visit his parents. Their faces, so filled with happiness, as soon as they opened the front door to them, was all worth it.
“Baby bear!” his father cooed immediately after seeing him step off the car. Taehyung was already showing, so he wore one of his long black coats to hide his bump, at least until after Sarang’s play.
“Harabeoji!!” Sarang’s tiny squeal made his Appa smile even more than he already was after seeing him. Taehyung didn’t think it was physically possible to smile even more than that. But that’s how happy his Appa was seeing them.
As Sarang clung to her grandpa’s leg, Taehyung’s mother was hugging Jeongguk, tight, and flicking his chin like Taehyung did to him. After being almost squished to death by his Appa, Taehyung got closer to his husband and his mom, and she instantly noticed his cheeks were fuller. “I’m glad, honey bear. That means you’re eating healthy. And guess what? I made some of your favorites to greet you all.”
As soon as they entered the house, it was like stepping into a memory. It all looked intact, except for the new TV. And indeed, the smell of his mom’s nurungji instantly made his stomach growl. She was already feeding Jeongguk some of her sandwiches, which were his husband’s favorites.
Once they were all settled around the coffee table, and Taehyung was watching them from the kitchen, where he was drinking his mom’s strawberry juice with a little straw, Sarang wriggled out of her Harabeoji’s lap and went right in the middle of the living room, waving her little chubby arms around to try and catch the adults’ attention.
“Halmeoni, Harabeoji,” she successfully captured their attention, “Papa Gugu” she giggled with a sort of confidentiality with him as they both knew what she was about to announce. “I have something to share with you.”
“What is it, Sarangie?” her grandmother asked, intrigued.
Sarang then ran to hide behind the sofa the three of them were sitting on, making her grandparents turn their heads to follow her. Then, she entered “back on stage,” hopping like a bunny and holding a basket of stuffed bunny toys. She stood in front of her grandparents now and made an exaggerated surprised expression. “Harabeoji! Halmeoni! You won’t believe what I’ve found in the garden!
“In our garden?” her grandpa asked, amused.
Sarang enthusiastically nodded, happy that her grandparents were following her along with the story. Grinning, she held up the two bunny plushies that were just in the basket. “Look! Two bunnies! But... they’re not just any bunnies,” she paused, just like Taehyung had instructed her, “for dramatic effect.” Taehyung was lovingly observing her from afar, with his cheek resting on his palm. “These are special bunnies!”
“And what makes them special, sweetie?” his mom asked.
“You know that Sarang is a big bunny?” she made exaggerated expressions with her hands to prove she was, indeed, a bug bunny. When she saw that her grandparents nodded with their heads, she continued. “Well these two are baby bunnies,” she held the plushies up proudly.
“And they are so cute, just like you, Sarangie.” His dad was still using his baby voice to speak with Sarang, because he was probably that endeared.
Sarang adamantly shook her head. “No, these bunnies are cuter. They are babies. Sarang’s babies. Because...” she paused, getting closer to them, and whispering like she had the most valuable secret in the world. And in a way, in her world, she had. “Appa told me something: I’m going to be a big sister to these two bunnies.”
Now, admittedly a bit confused, both of her grandparents looked at each other, until realization hit them hard.
“I’m going to have twin baby sissies! Just like these baby bunnies!” Sarang started to hop in circles, as Taehyung’s parents looked at Jeongguk, who was already crying, and turned their heads to find Taehyung’s gaze from the kitchen. He was also already welling up.
“And I already named them!” Sarang continued, “their names are Cinnabun and Baby Gugu, because they are baby bunnies, like Papa Gugu.”
As Jeongguk (who had recorded the whole thing, now with his camera securely around his neck) got up from the sofa, he picked Sarang up on his arms and started gently spinning her around. She loved when he did that, because it made her feel like she was “in a spaceship.”
With her giggles filling the living room, Taehyung’s father bursted into tears as soon as he held his son in his arms. He held him ever so preciously now, not as tight as he had hugged him at the door, as if Taehyung were to break. “Oh, my baby bear. You made me the happiest man alive the day you were born and now you keep making me the happiest man alive. Two? Two babies?” He hugged him again, and Taehyung just chuckled.
His mom had tears in her eyes, mirroring everyone else in the house, except for Sarang, whose tummy was starting to hurt from laughing so much. “How about we all share a group hug?” She came from behind her husband and hugged both men in her arms.
Jeongguk, who was sitting on the floor, giggling with Sarang, opened his mouth in awe as soon as he saw the hug in the kitchen. And then, his mother in law waved at him to join them. “Come on, Jeongguk, you are also part of this family.”
Taehyung's father was so focused on hugging his son and wanting to see his belly that he didn't notice Jeongguk joining them, by Taehyung’s side, placing his hand softly on Taehyung’s lower back. So when he did, he looked him in the eye and said "thank you, son, you too, for making me so happy I cried."
Sarang came running between their legs as soon as she noticed her Papa was gone from her side, and gently tugged at her grandpa’s shirt. "What about me, Harabeoji?" Sarang interjected.
He smiled down at her. “Sarangie is our most precious one.”
Today was the first time in Jeongguk’s life that he had received a ten-minute standing ovation. At his third year as a film student. He had dreamed of moments like this. He felt like he was at Cannes for a moment, receiving the Palme d’Or. But no, he was at his campus’ auditorium, presenting his short film, the one that granted him the university’s award for Best Student-Made Film. And it was all thanks to Taehyung. He had encouraged him to sign in, he had cheered him on during the restless night where he kept pulling all-nighters to trick his brain into thinking that he could be like the other "normal" brains and complete tasks that other people could do in days, or even hours. And had even prepared a whole party for him to celebrate his award as soon as he was announced as the winner, inviting his university hyungs, with whom he had grown quite close, as well as numerous other people Jeongguk did not know, had never seen in his life, but who were friends with Taehyung from other campuses nearby. Now, said boy was standing there, front row, clapping excitedly for him at the screening event, and Jeongguk could not be more in love.
And more miserable.
He knew this was doomed from the moment he started falling in love with him. Which was right the second he laid eyes upon him on that windowsill. Taehyung was so out of his league. He was the most beautiful person Jeongguk had ever seen, he was fawned over by almost everyone at university, and he would probably end up with one of the rich girls he usually went to “Lady Gaga karaoke night” hangouts with. What did Jeongguk have to offer him? Late night dates to watch romantic movies he always ended up crying to, embarrassing himself in front of the coolest guy he knew. Staying up all night together playing Mario Kart, and letting him win because he was that gone for him. Or maybe singing songs to him to help him sleep, because Taehyung, his precious Taehyung, told him he loved the sound of his voice, and that he loved the way he sang “To Find You” to him, a song from a movie musical Jeongguk really liked.
Sure, he loved doing those things with Taehyung. But those are just “friendship” dates. They’re just friends. And Taehyung would never be interested in him beyond seeing him as his quirky friend. Damn, he was a loser. Here he was claiming to know Taehyung’s thoughts. He was wrong for that. But every time the part of his brain that got excited about the possibility of maybe having something more with Taehyung lit up, the part of his brain that was self-deprecating, which was bigger, taller, and way stronger than the other one, would win.
Now it was such a time. It was late, the kind of late hours of the night when they usually hung out together. After the screening, Taehyung had taken his hand and led him to his dorm room, telling him that Namjoon hyung was out with some friends. And they were both sprawled on the floor, with their limbs tangled lazily on a vintage blanket Namjoon had gotten at a flea market, with half-finished bowls of Jeongguk’s makguksu Taehyung adored and always begged him to cook for him.
Taehyung was tracing little shapes on Jeongguk’s forearm, watching them disappear into his skin. And Jeongguk was pretending to not care about the goosebumps the older one's mere touch caused to his body. But thankfully, they’d been talking. For hours now. Mainly about Jeongguk’s short film, and about dreams for their future.
“So it’s pretty boring, but I always loved the way the camera’s lens has a different way of capturing life. The same everyday scenes that you, I, or anyone else might just perceive with their eyes, in film, they seem softer, slower, that kind of stuff. I like it so much. So of course my childhood dream was to one day work in the film industry, Hollywood and all of that, but it’s too ridiculous to dream about that, those types of things don’t usually happen to people like me. A kid from some town in South Korea.”
Taehyung turned to look at him, focused on the pretty moles on his face, though Jeongguk didn’t notice. “Hey, don’t say that about yourself, Jeonggukie. Bong Joonho is from my hometown and he made it to Hollywood. You are THE Jeon Jeongguk, easy peasy!”
Jeongguk chuckled softly. And for a moment, he just stared at the ceiling. Until he asked him. “And what about you, Taehyung hyung? What did you want to be when you were a child?"
“Nothing fancy like Mr. Jeon here,” Taehyung teased him, pinching his cheek. Then quieted. “I.., I’ve always wanted to be a dad.”
Jeongguk softened his smile. He wasn’t expecting that answer, at all. “Really?”
Taehyung nodded slowly. “Yeah. When I was little, my dad told me that I used to carry around this old plush bear my granny gifted to me, and I pretended it was my baby. I rocked it to sleep and took it everywhere with me. And over time, I kept adding more plushies to my collection, and I claimed the four of them were my babies,” his voice was distant now, like he was remembering it in real time.
He stayed silent again, almost afraid to speak. But Jeongguk tried to make him feel comfortable again with a joke: "four babies? That seems like a lot of work.”
“I guess so,” Taehyung smiled. “But I really wanted it. And I even..." Jeongguk felt his long fingers absentmindedly stroking his forearm. "My dad told me that I used to put the bear plushie under my shirt and pretended that it was kicking and that I could feel it moving. My parents thought it was really cute. And I...” Taehyung looked at him then. His eyes seemed so sad, like they were begging for his approval. “I never really stopped wanting it. I still imagine myself being a dad. With a cute, little house, maybe a pet, if that’s something my kid would want, and someone to build it all with.” A pause. Taehyung averted his eyes. “But I guess those types of things don’t usually happen to people like me,” he repeated Jeongguk’s words, with a sadder implication behind. “It’s all just silly,” he laughed and tried to put up the same “cool” front he always used around his friends, but that Jeongguk could not ignore.
Jeongguk shook his head immediately, gently. “No. It’s not silly at all.”
Taehyung searched his face for any trace of doubt, but found none. Only warmth. “I never really said it out loud before, to anyone,” he admitted.
Jeongguk reached for his hand. “Thank you for telling me.”
Taehyung let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.
Week 17
Dear Seol and Yul,
I dream about the first time I will see your faces. Will you look just like your Papa, like your sister Sarang? Or will you look more like me? I really don’t care as long as you’re safe. Either way, you are both the perfect mix of your Papa and I. I want to be the best Appa to you, as I try to be everyday for your sister. I want to learn all I can to help you feel better at all possible times. I usually ask your sister “is there anything I can do that will help you feel better or safer as you go through another day?” And today, she placed her hands on my belly and said “say hi to my sisters, Appa.” So hi, Seol! Hi Yul! Hi from Sarang. And hi from Appa. Hopefully you hear your Papa every night, he loves talking to you before we go to sleep. We love you so much.
I can’t wait to meet you.
With all the love I have in me,
Appa.
Taehyung cried the whole ride back until he felt sleepy. He already missed his Appa’s warm embrace and his Eomma’s loud laugh. But now it was Jeongguk’s parents' time to be surprised. And he had asked Taehyung if he could be the one to deliver the news, because he wanted to be the one telling his family. Of course Taehyung agreed and he let Jeongguk decide how to, as well. He had planned the whole Bunny surprise with Sarang because he always loved giving his parents those types of gifts or surprises. But he let Jeongguk do it whichever way he decided.
The car ride from Daegu to Busan was only an hour and some minutes, so this time both Taehyung and Sarang slept the whole trip, and the car’s radio was off. And he only registered that they had arrived at their destination when he heard his father in law’s laugh from the car. Jeongguk always did this. He would try and let him rest as much as he could, and it wasn’t until he had taken all the luggage off the trunk, gotten Sarangie out of her baby carseat, and greeted everyone home, that he would come back to softly wake his husband up. But this time Taehyung was having none of it. He stirred as soon as he heard the laugh and he wanted to hug all of them as fast as possible. He got out of the car, careful to cover his bump with his long grey coat and his black check tartan scarf, and ran to his mother in law’s arms, with a loud protest from Jeongguk, reminding him to be careful of the slippery footpath to his childhood home's entrance.
“Taehyungie, long time no see,” she said, cupping his cheeks between her hands. Immediately after, his father in law pulled him into a hug, and gave him two pats on his back, gently smiling at him when they separated. He loved the warmth that Jeongguk’s family always radiated. And he couldn’t wait to see Jihoon, Jeongguk’s older brother, again. He was around Taehyung’s age so they connected immediately the first time Jeongguk introduced the two, the first time he met Jeongguk’s parents after they started dating. Jihoon had teased Jeongguk relentlessly that day about how he managed to bag such a “hottie” like Taehyung, and seeing his Jeonggukie’s red ears that day made him laugh the whole evening.
He heard Sarang’s tiny giggles before he entered the living room, and he found Jihoon there chasing Sarang around the couch. He instantly stopped when he saw Taehyung standing there, going to hug his brother in law. “Taehyungie!!"
Taehyung smiled as Jeongguk’s brother also patted his back lightly and said “I miss you” into his shoulder. They always kept in touch despite the distance because not only did Jeongguk frequently videocalled his brother, but the three of them also played video games online on the weekends whenever they could. But he still missed seeing them in person, and he missed Busan, which was practically his second hometown now that his heart was one with Jeongguk’s.
Once it was time for dinner, Jeongguk’s mom made sure to spread it across their kitchen island, wanting to have a “more relaxed” reunion than be sat around the kitchen’s table. So there were tons of mouth watering options for Taehyung to choose from, including the strawberry cake that Jihoon always bought for him whenever they reunited, but he was just recovering from his very horrendous encounters with nausea these past couple of weeks so he was not eating much. And Jeongguk’s mom definitely noticed it. As Jeongguk was cutting his pork belly in tiny pieces for Taehyung to digest better, his mother in law passed him another bowl of beef stew. “Eat more, darling,” she offered.
Jeongguk and Taehyung shared a look and it was all the strength Jeongguk needed to stand up from his chair, attracting all of the wide eyes at the table to him, and with a completely blank face, he declared: “Taehyung is pregnant. And we are expecting twins. Girls. He is due to give birth in spring. So they will be our little spring blossoms.” His soft-hearted Jeonggukie could not take it anymore and he started sobbing in his hands, overwhelmed with emotion. Jeongguk’s mom quickly got up and engulfed him in his arms, while Jihoon and his father in law were staring at Taehyung, both of them misty-eyed. And if it weren’t for the fact that Jeongguk had fed Sarang her veggies and fruits, cut by him in little pieces, way earlier, and already tucked her in his brother’s childhood room, which was now the guest room, she would be smothered in kisses by her Halmeoni, the way Taehyung was being now by his mother in law. The genuine happiness in everyone’s faces made Taehyung emotional, as he could feel the twins slightly moving inside him. Maybe they were also excited to meet them, Taehyung thought.
“And this was when Dad took us to the park, and Jeonggukie was crying because I accidentally stepped on a snail and killed it.” Jihoon was showing Taehyung photos from their childhood, for the 100th time (at Taehyung's request) and he was trying his best not to die of cuteness. But the challenge was getting increasingly onerous, especially now that he was showing him a picture of tiny, little baby Jeongguk with his tiny, little white hat, and his impossibly cute cheekies. He couldn’t help but compare him to Sarang again and how similar toddler and baby Jeongguk was to her. His baby bunnies...
“How were you so adorable?” Taehyung asked Jeongguk, who was playing cards with his parents at the table. “How did anyone survive so much cuteness?”
“Right?” Jeongguk’s mom exclaimed from her seat. “I just wanted to bite his cheeks.”
Jeongguk lovingly rolled his eyes and celebrated another victory against his parents. “Taehyungie, how about I take you somewhere?” he suddenly asked.
Jeongguk drove through Busan’s lit-up streets and the farther he went, the less people there was. Taehyung was so exhausted and trusted his husband completely, that he closed his eyes and leaned on the headrest, instantly falling asleep.
He felt soft lips grazing his knuckles when he started opening his eyes, and there his beautiful husband was, standing in front of him, and extending his hand to help him get out of the car. They walked side by side not too far from the car when they reached a beach. It was small and mostly empty. And the tide pulled in softly. Taehyung took one look at it, and took off his sandals and grabbed Jeongguk’s hand, guiding him closer to the water. When he felt the water reaching his ankles, he turned to Jeongguk and wrapped his arms around his neck. “What a beautiful place you’ve found.”
Jeongguk then spread a thick blanket across a smooth patch of ground near the water and helped Taehyung lower himself down carefully. “There’s more?” Taehyung asked when he saw Jeongguk unpacking their simple picnic from his backpack: triangle kimbap, some fruit, and warm cinnamon bread wrapped in foil. Jeongguk smiled and started kissing him, pulling him by the waist. Taehyung could stay here forever. Tasting Jeongguk’s lip piercing with his tongue. Smelling his addicting sweet scent. Feeling his back muscles under his palms and his strong fingers gripping his waist. And watching his husband's pretty face under the moonlight.
But the water was comically rising, and almost wet the food, so they had to quickly change the blanket a bit further away from the shore. And they ate slowly, the way people do when they’re in no rush to go anywhere else. Just enjoying each other’s company.
Afterwards, Jeongguk was peacefully humming, his eyes closed and his head rested against Taehyung’s lap, as he stroked his hair. But the same man tenderly caressing him was the one who disrupted his peace when he playfully flicked some sand at Jeongguk's knee.
"Hey!" Jeongguk laughed, exaggerating a gasp. "You're going down!" he started getting up as Taehyung slowly did too.
Taehyung grinned and made a slow-motion chase around the driftwood log where they'd decided to rest. Panting and laughing, Jeongguk scooped him up gently before Taehyung's ankles could protest. "You're getting heavy."
"And you're very strong." Taehyung whispered, burying his face in Jeongguk's shoulder.
Everything shimmered then: sky, water, and the warmth between them. Wrapped in Jeongguk's arms, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest, Taehyung closed his eyes. "This is perfect," he breathed. “I love you, Jeongguk.”
A bit far away from them, the heart they had made with their initials on the sand was safely distant from the waves that might’ve erased it otherwise.
Jeongguk could finally enjoy having the dorm room only for himself after so long. Jimin hyung had texted earlier saying he wouldn’t be back until well past midnight, because he and Hoseok hyung were trying to enter into one of those exclusive dance clubs around campus where most of the rich girls go, because Hoseokie hyung’s latest crush was one of them. Jeongguk wanted to cry from happiness because he finally had no assignments to stress over, so he invited Taehyung over to hang out. This left the two of them with the rare, golden gift of privacy, and they were basking in it with all the clumsy grace of two boys who hadn’t yet figured out how to name the pull between them.
As soon as Taehyung walked through the door, he started one of his roleplaying games. They usually acted out these romantic roleplaying games together, as Taehyung claimed that Jeongguk was the only one he could do this “naturally” with, whatever that meant. So the older boy grinned at him and softly pushed him against the wall, trapping him with his arm over his head. “Excuse me, beauty,” he said in a deep, mock-sultry voice, leaning closer to Jeongguk. “Are you single?”
Jeongguk blinked, startled. Then grinned, following him along on the game like he had done many times before. “Uh, maybe?”
“Only maybe?” Taehyung pressed, swaying closer. “Would you like a drink? My heart’s on the menu.”
Jeongguk groaned, laughing and escaping his trap by ducking under his arm. “That was awful,” he laughed.
“You love it,” Taehyung teased, eyes sparkling. “Don’t lie.”
Jeongguk rolled his eyes, but the blush dusting his ears betrayed him. “It’s because you always start them! And I don’t want to upset hyung.”
“But you never end them,” Taehyung replied, almost under his breath, eyes lingering a beat too long. Then, quieter still: “Hey, Jeongguk... have you ever kissed someone?”
The question caught him off guard. “Yeah,” he said after a pause. “Just a girl I was dating in high school. We broke up after I left Busan. We had... different dreams, I guess. And to be honest...” He shrugged. “No, nothing.”
Taehyung tilted his head. “What?”
“I don’t know,” Jeongguk murmured. “It might sound silly, but it didn’t feel... fated to me. And it had nothing to do with her, I really liked her, but... that feeling... it’s just something important to me. I’ve had these dreams...”
“Dreams?”
“Déjà vu ones,” Jeongguk explained, eyes thoughtful. “They’re not foggy like other dreams. They feel real. Like moments from the future. It’s been happening to me since I was a kid. I dream about something and later, it just... happens. Like déjà vu, but clearer. Like it’s planned already.”
Taehyung watched him, something soft and wild stirring in his chest. “You dream about everything before it happens?”
“Well, not exactly, and not everything, I’m no fortune teller or anything like that” Jeongguk replied. “Just the important stuff, I think.”
They sat in silence for a moment, the air between them stretched and warm, like a balloon neither of them wanted to pop. Jeongguk had never told this to anyone before, not even his brother knew. But, somehow, confessing this to Taehyung felt... right. Then, Jeongguk turned slightly. His voice, when he spoke again, was softer.
“And you?”
“What?”
“Have you ever kissed someone?”
Taehyung’s lips parted, but closed again. He shook his head a little as his fingers played absently with the hem of his shirt. “Not really,” he said. “I mean, when I was in high school, even now, a lot of girls... told me they liked me. Sent me notes. Waited for me after class. That kind of thing.”
“And?”
“And I was never interested, I never knew what to say,” Taehyung admitted. “So I said nothing.” Another silence. Taehyung’s voice dropped. He lifted his gaze and met Jeongguk’s. “Jeonggukie, if I was a girl... would you kiss me?”
Jeongguk froze. He didn’t reply, but his gaze didn’t waver. What was he supposed to say? His mind was going at the speed of light again, with the cascade of thoughts that were going through it. “Yes, of course! Even if you are not a girl, I’d love to kiss you. I don't need you to be anything but Taehyung to love you. To kiss you. I’d love to kiss you as you are, a man. I'd love to kiss you. I’d love to feel your plump, pink lips against mine. Yes. And I’d also love to be more than just your best friend.” That’s what he wanted to say. But it was very different from what he could say. He couldn’t even move, let alone speak right now. How could he look Taehyung in the eyes, as they were doing now, and tell him that his dreams, in fact, had him in them? That he envisioned a future with him?
The door creaked open with a bang.
“Yo!” Jimin’s voice rang out as he walked in, tossing his bag to the side. “You guys won’t believe who kissed Hoseok hyung, she is-” He stopped mid-sentence, looking back and forth between them.
Taehyung had all but leapt back, grabbing a nearby book like he’d been studying all along, posture too stiff to be natural. Jeongguk kept staring at the door, throat working as if trying to swallow the entire moment down.
Jimin stared at them both. “Um... Did I interrupt something?”
“Nope,” Taehyung said too quickly. “We were just talking.”
Jeongguk nodded mutely, eyes still on Taehyung.
But the moment was gone. For now.
Jimin shrugged it off as them just being in their own world and started narrating all about how Hoseok hyung stuttered nervously when he tried approaching his crush, but how she surprisingly seemed to like him back. But neither Jeongguk, nor Taehyung, could stop thinking about what had happened. And what could’ve happened if Jeongguk replied. The what-if that still lingered just beneath their skin.
Week 18
Dear Seol and Yul,
Every day, I wonder what you're doing inside there. Are you cozy in there? Appa is eating strawberries again. Is it your favorite? I think one of you danced a little last time I ate them. It was Yul, my shy baby. You are on my right side. I can feel you all the time, though, Seolie. You’re on the left side. You're having a strawberry party. Can I come too? You know, sometimes your Papa sings to me at night. I’m in love with him, but did you know I’m also in love with his voice? It’s so sweet. I’ve never heard anything like it. Did you hear it yesterday? I hope so. It was a lullaby he made up just for you two, he likes making those lately. He always makes these cute, repeated sounds whenever he does anything. And it’s so cute. Just like you!
Bye for now, my babies.
I love you.
Appa.
Not that this was anything new for Taehyung at this point, but he felt extremely exhausted. He was finally starting to come out of another stage of morning sickness, and now he just felt tired all the time. He knew this was normal when you’re pregnant with twins, he had read it multiple times in his pregnancy books, but he felt so drained and not like himself at all.
And that, in turn, made him feel really guilty for skipping work some days and not being able to be with his kids. He frequently worried about how they were doing, if they missed him, if they were alright.
He also started frequent check-ups with Jieun’s trusted nurse friend, Bogum. He would run routine blood tests and ease Taehyung’s anxiety each time, confirming everything was alright. He was aware that people who are pregnant with twins are more likely to get iron-deficiency anemia. So while Jeongguk never failed to place a little bowl with all the prenatal vitamins he needed beside the carbs and neatly cut fruits he prepared for Taehyung's breakfast every morning, the worry remained. Taehyung couldn’t help it, especially when it came to his babies. So now he was convinced that Bogum had become one of the people alongside his doctor friend, whom he must be annoying with his constant whining about his pregnancy struggles. Although he never seemed to mind, as he always gifted boxes of chocolates or other small gifts to Taehyung whenever they met for another check-up. And, of course, the pregnant man never said no to those.
Poor Jieun must also be tired of seeing him all the time and of hearing about his difficult pregnancy. He had an appointment with her today, so Jeongguk reminded him that hearing his complaints was also part of her job, so he didn’t have to bottle anything up.
He didn’t know how his husband did it. But it was like Jeongguk could read his mind. When he told him about his dreams all those years ago, Taehyung had to confess that he got a little creeped out thinking about the implications of maybe Jeongguk having superpowers of some sort. But now, he was starting to believe it.
He remembered Jeongguk’s words as he entered Jieun’s office. “You look so pregnant” she smiled at him.
“I feel very pregnant,” Taehyung pouted, sitting on the examination bed with Jeongguk’s help.
Her features softened as she felt really bad for all the pain he was going through, unable to do much. She couldn’t deliver these babies right then and there to end his suffering. And she was sure as hell that Taehyung would not allow it. Since no matter how much pain he was in, he wanted his babies to "cook" properly as long as possible. “How have you been feeling this week, TaeTae?” she asked, sliding on her gloves.
“I’ve been real wheezy,” Taehyung joked, voice thick. His breath caught in the middle of the word. “I feel like I can’t do any little task, even talking, without getting out of breath.”
And she noticed it just now as he was talking to her. “Let’s see what’s making you feel so full,” she said gently, applying the ultrasound gel. “I mean, aside from the two babies in there.”
On the screen, two perfect profiles appeared curled against soft waves of amniotic fluid. The heartbeats steady. Placenta healthy. Fluid levels were fine, too. His body was really working overtime to keep those babies as the healthiest pair of twins she had ever seen. “Everything’s perfect,” she said. “You’re measuring right on track. Even a bit ahead in one spot. Little Yul is head-down already, and we really don’t want that if we want to avoid early labor. Seol is higher, breech for now, but her little head is also really close to your ribs over there and that might be causing some unnecessary pressure for your poor little organs. Would you like me to move them around a little?”
“Yes, please. Whatever it takes,” he replied. He felt Jeongguk’s hand tighten his hold just a little bit, his eyes still glued to his two daughters on the screen. Yul and Seol. He had been very clear with Jieun about using the babies' names instead of referring to them as "Baby A" and "Baby B," because he was well aware of how hard it was for twins to be perceived with their own individuality as soon as they come to the world as a pair.
She pressed slightly on his belly, on the left. “Try to take a deep breath for me...”
He closed his eyes and did as he was told, as he felt the pressure of Jieun's hands on his belly, and Jeongguk’s soft caress on his knuckles.
Seol shifted gently.
She pressed and moved her hands on his belly a bit more, now on his right. And Yul was now repositioned too. “There you go,” Jieun said. “That might help the air travel through your lungs a little better. Hopefully. You can always tell me if anything doesn’t feel right, ok TaeTae?”
He nodded.
“Please remember that your babies are identical, which is really cute, and also Di/Di, which is really safe for you and for them, but that also means that your body feels like it's having two pregnancies going at the same time. And if being pregnant with just one baby is already extremely exhausting for most people’s bodies, imagine how two, at the same time, must be.” She cringed at herself and quickly corrected her mistake. “Well, sorry, you do know how that feels like."
Taehyung chuckled and slowly got up from the table. “Thank you, noona. Always.”
“My pleasure. Always,” she smiled at him.
As they stepped out into the late afternoon sun, Taehyung stopped. He saw some children playing in the distance and one of them kissed the other’s cheek. He thought about his girls and he felt tears springing in his eyes. He was tired. He was tired of crying over every little thing. He could not explain it even to himself. In any other circumstance, he would have found that scene with the children very cute, yes, very sweet, too. But not enough to make him cry like he was now. And his frustration at his own self just made him sob harder.
Jeongguk looked at him, concern and softness flooding his expression. He hated seeing Taehyung crying, no matter what the cause was (except when he cried happy tears). And he himself was now getting his eyes wet with tears that were threatening to spill down his cheeks. But he started to subtly shake his head to the sides to make them slip and go away. “Hey, baby, I’m here,” Jeongguk said, pulling him into a gentle hug. “You’re exhausted.”
Taehyung buried his face on Jeongguk’s chest and let his arms fall to his side. He nodded but still whispered, voice cracking: “why am I crying about that kid kissing the other kid’s cheek? It’s just a friendly kiss,” he hiccuped, unable to continue, until it passed. “I just... I just imagined how that could be our two babies in just a few weeks.”
Jeongguk pressed him closer, rubbing his back in circles.
Taehyung took a shaky breath. “I used to joke that you were always the crier of our relationship.”
“I still am,” Jeongguk smiled. “Just yesterday I broke down crying when Sarang made me a little drawing of her sisters as little suns watching over her, remember?”
Taehyung laughed through tears.
They stood still for a moment, with the heat of emotion and their tiny daughters between them.
Jeongguk wiped his tears. And Taehyung put his hand over his husband’s on his cheek, giving it a little kiss. He leaned his head against Jeongguk’s, resting there in the bustle of people walking by. “Thank you,” he whispered.
Jeongguk just kissed his head. “I love you. And I’m so incredibly proud of what you’re doing for our little ones, my baby bear.”
Taehyung almost melted at the nickname his parents always used for him now coming from the love of his life’s lips. Those lips he loved kissing. The lips he now lingered against in a long, unbroken kiss.
The days following the day Taehyung had asked that question, Jeongguk could not find Taehyung on campus, or anywhere else for that matter. He would wait for him outside of the classrooms of the lectures he was attending, but his heart would sink each time he didn’t see his gorgeous face among the crowd of students that exited. To be fair, it had only been four days. But it was still very unusual for him since, in the three years he had been Taehyung’s best friend, he had not spent one day away from him (except that one time Jeongguk got a really nasty stomach bug). He had not seen Jimin that often either since he had also been busy preparing for final exams, and he was now spending way more time at the law school campus than over there at their dorms. Jimin had also recently got himself a new car. And he usually let Jeongguk borrow it if he ever needed it for anything, though he hadn’t used it yet. At least, he never needed to. So as soon as he saw his roommate entering their door room, looking for his car keys like crazy, he decided to ask what had been on his mind every hour of the last few days.
“Um, hyung,” he started. “I think the keys are in your desk, near the big textbook.”
Jimin lightly hit his head in frustration. “Sorry, my brain is always fried during finals season,” he said it almost as a cry for help.
Jeongguk played a bit with his hoodie’s drawstring, and then he finally asked: “do you happen to know what happened to Taehyung hyung?”
Jimin smiled, still looking for some more of his things to go back to class, “he went back to Daegu to visit his family for his mom's birthday.”
Somehow, he felt relieved. He didn’t know what scenarios his mind was trying to create, but when his brain started to wander on a continuous loop, it was incredibly hard for him to get out of it. So now, with that confirmation, all he had to do was just patiently wait for him for some days. He still tried not to nag him so much with texts, only sending him a few cute pictures here and there of things he kept seeing around campus, which Taehyung started replying to with some of his own, of some flowers or food. But he didn’t press him about where he was or what he was doing, until Taehyung wanted to talk about that himself.
But then, two days after he got confirmation from Jimin about Taehyung’s whereabouts, he received a call from him. At nearly 3 a.m. Jeongguk woke up, bleary-eyed. The screen of his phone glowed too bright in the dark. He picked up immediately, his heart already thudding in his chest. “Taehyungie hyung?” The silence on the other end was staggering. And then... he heard barely a breath, a broken inhale, and the softest sob slipping through the line. “Hyung?” Jeongguk sat up, already swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “Where are you?”
“The train station,” came the reply, fragile and raw. “I’m sorry, Gukkie. I didn’t know who else to call. I... Can you... Can you come get me?”
Jeongguk didn’t hesitate. He slipped into his hoodie, taking a quick glance at Jimin’s bed, intact as he had left it some days ago when he went to the law school campus again. So he grabbed Jimin’s car keys off the hook, and bolted out of the dorms.
The train station was nearly deserted, but Jeongguk immediately spotted him sat on a bench with his knees pulled up, and his arms wrapped around them. Jeongguk knew he needed to hug something for comfort, to either sleep better or whenever he was feeling under the weather. But he had never seen him this broken. He was wearing his grey hoodie with the hood up over his hair. And his suitcase sat untouched at his feet.
Jeongguk pulled up, parked, and stepped out. He didn’t say anything. He just guided Taehyung to the passenger seat, opened the door for him and when the older boy got inside, he waited for him to speak whenever he was ready. Now that he was closer to Jeongguk, he could see that his eyes were swollen. The seatbelt clicked softly. And he didn’t say a word.
So they drove back in complete silence, save for the sniffles that Jeongguk heard coming from Taehyung every now and then, and him occasionally shifting in his seat to lean toward the open window as though trying to breathe something in. Or maybe out. Jeongguk didn’t ask. He only turned the heater toward him.
Once they were back at the dorms, they didn’t go upstairs. They stayed in the parked car, the quiet between them growing louder by the second.
Taehyung finally broke it. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to say that.”
“I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You can always wake me.”
Another long pause. And then, in a voice smaller than Jeongguk had ever heard from him, Taehyung said “my brother... he made me feel so small.” The tears came again before he could stop them.
Jeongguk knew Taehyung had two other siblings, younger than him. That he was the oldest child. But he barely talked about them, so he never pressed on the issue.
“I was just there for my mom’s birthday,” Taehyung stared at the window. “I was... happy. She looked so happy, excited that some of our relatives from out of town had come to celebrate her. And then my brother pulled me aside and started yelling in front of everyone. He was saying I came back to Daegu to ‘disrespect’ our family and to ‘flaunt my sin’ at them. A sinner...” he looked down. “He said I was disgusting. My mom told him to stop. My dad pulled him away but... the damage was already done.”
His voice cracked in half. Jeongguk didn’t say anything, he just reached over and took Taehyung’s hand in his.
“I ran upstairs and packed. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to my parents, Jeongguk. I couldn’t breathe in my own house. That used to be my favorite place. It still is. But everytime he is there... He just hurts me.”
Silence, heavy with grief.
And then, through trembling lips, Taehyung whispered, “I like boys, Jeongguk. I’m gay.” The words hung between them. Vulnerable. The most vulnerable Taehyung had ever been in his entire life. He didn’t look at Jeongguk. Just kept staring at the dashboard like it would protect him from what came next.
“I... I asked you that night if you would kiss me if I was a girl because... because I didn’t know how to say it outright. But I’ve liked you since the first day we met. Since you lent me your jacket on that rainy day we met, and didn’t say anything when I never gave it back and even got paint on it.” Finally, he turned his head, eyes red-rimmed. “But I get it. You like girls. You had a girlfriend back in Busan and I don’t want to weird you out or worse, ruin our friendship becau-”
“Tae.”
The softness in Jeongguk’s voice silenced everything.
“Tae, look at me.”
Taehyung did. Slowly.
Jeongguk could not love him more. He wanted to tell him how he believed he was made to love him. He believed it since they met each other, too, just like he did. That no matter what the future held for them, he’d never lose sight of these feelings he had for him. As long as his heart beat, as long as his lungs expanded, and as long as his eyes opened every day, Taehyung was the only one he wanted to say those words to. ‘I love you, Taehyung.’ He loved him. He loved everything about him. Everything that made him HIM. Ever since the day they met, he felt like his whole life was waiting for Taehyung to find him, for Jeongguk to find him, too.
But he didn’t say any of that. “I’m in love with you.” He simply stated, instead. Like it had always been true. And it had. “I didn’t say anything that night because I was scared too. But all those dreams I told you about? The ones I said I keep having? You’re in every single one of them. We’re older, sometimes. Or still students. But it’s always us. You and me.” He reached up, thumb brushing a tear from Taehyung’s cheek. “I don’t know how else to explain it. I feel like my whole life has been leading to you.”
Taehyung’s breath stuttered. He started crying again. Harder now, but for a different reason. He hid his face in his hands, overwhelmed and cracked wide open by love. Jeongguk reached for him. Pulled him gently across the console into his arms, holding him like something precious. And for a long time, Taehyung just sobbed into Jeongguk’s neck, clutching at him like he might disappear. Later that night, when they finally made it inside the dorm, Taehyung crawled into Jeongguk’s bed without saying anything. Jeongguk followed. And with their limbs tangled, they finally rested.
Week 19
Dear Seol and Yul,
Hello there, my babies. Today I got a notification from my pregnancy app, letting me know that both of you are now the size of two grapefruits inside my belly. You definitely feel bigger to me. When, in fact, you're both still so tiny. Are you trying to cuddle already? Jieun noona told me that the little bag-like thingies where you are now sleeping in are not that thick, so you can actually high-five, or give each other little kisses on the cheek. Isn’t that wonderful? Do you talk to each other in your own twin language? I imagine you whispering secrets to each other... Maybe about what is your favorite song out of all the ones Papa made up for you, or whether my tummy sounds funny when I laugh. I hope you can listen to both of us, and to your sister, Sarang, who already loves you more than you can ever imagine.
I do too.
Appa.
Taehyung started feeling very, very, very pregnant. He physically could not bend over anymore, sneezing and coughing hurt, little Sarang comforted him the other night when eating Jeongguk’s delicious pork belly made him really nauseous, and he woke every other hour at night to go to the bathroom. He kept going to school, but his body was telling him to slow down. All his extensive research about twin pregnancy had told him that he would only get bigger and bigger as the weeks went by, so he was doing as much as he could now that he could. And before he became just a man stuck to a huge belly.
So, today, since it was Sunday, he took a nap for what felt like a whole month, when in fact they were just two hours. And only got up because the scent of chocolate chip cookies floated through the whole house, reaching their bedroom at the end of the hall. Sweet, buttery, warm. Jeongguk was the best at everything, and cooking was one of his many talents.
When he waddled to the kitchen, he found his husband crouched near the oven in his pastel pink Hello Kitty apron (one of last year’s Father’s Day gifts from Sarang) that he wore like armor. It was covered in flour and tiny handprints now. Sarang was perched on a stool beside him, cheeks smudged with dough.
“Can we make baby-shaped ones?” his daughter asked him, proud and excited to be helping her Papa.
“What would those look like, sweetie?” Jeongguk asked her, in that gentle, almost baby-like tone he only used with her.
“Round and squishy!” she giggled.
Behind them, Jeongguk had not noticed that there was a very pregnant tiger trying to hunt him. Taehyung stepped behind Jeongguk and wrapped his arms around his waist, as best as he could with his belly between him and Jeongguk’s back, and pressed a soft kiss to Jeongguk’s nape, causing in him the same goosebumps that his touch did years ago when they were younger. “You’re trying to seduce me with cookies,” he mumbled.
Jeongguk smiled, carefully sliding a tray from the oven. “It’s working, so I can’t deny it.”
“It’s working,” Taehyung agreed.
Sarang giggled and jumped down, bringing one of the warm cookies on a plate. “Here, Appa! Taste!”
He grabbed his younger baby by the hand and followed her into the table, still warm from the late afternoon sun pouring through the windows. Taehyung took a bite and melted just as quickly as the chocolate chips. But before he could thank them properly, Jeongguk cleared his throat with dramatic flair, standing up and holding what looked like... a handmade scroll?
“What’s this?” Taehyung asked.
“A ceremony,” Jeongguk said. He cleared his throat. “Pesenting, for Kim Taehyung: the I Thought You Were Beyond My Imagination, But Then I Think Again and You Are Way Beyond My Imagination Award.”
Taehyung smiled. “What?”
Jeongguk beamed and unrolled the parchment, reading from it with a practiced seriousness that kept cracking as his bunny smile appeared whenever he lifted his gaze from the scroll and locked eyes with Taehyung. “To the most breathtaking man I’ve ever known. For existing in a way that makes reality better than any fantasy. For your strength, softness, beauty, and grace. I never thought my home would be a person. But here you are. This award goes to: Kim Taehyung.”
Taehyung’s lips trembled. “Jeongguk...”
But before he could speak, Sarang piped up. “And I made an award too!” She pulled a crumpled drawing from behind her back. It had stick figures and glitter. At the top, it said: “Best Snuggler In The World And Best Belly for Seolie and Yulie.” Taehyung was so proud of how familiar her baby was getting with her baby sisters' names.
Taehyung laughed through his tears, pulling them both in for a hug. “You two are killing me today.”
Jeongguk kissed his temple. “We just love you too much.”
Later, as Sarang was focused intensely while painting his Papa’s nails with sparkly blue polish, after he had painted hers early, Taehyung sat back on the couch, with his swollen feet up in the coffee table and one hand making soothing circles on his belly. He watched both of his babies. Sarang had her tiny tongue between her little teeth, trying to get the polish just right for his Papa. And his husband, and that contrast he had that made Taehyung go crazy (buffed, tattooed arm, extended to meet Sarang’s tiny one), was observing her with so much love. Jeongguk turned to look at him then, a soft smile curving his lips as their eyes met. It was as though he knew exactly what Taehyung was thinking. And Taehyung knew he did, somehow. Jeongguk always did. He smiled back, his heart swelling with all the love he had for him. His beautiful husband. The most perfect husband Taehyung could have ever dreamed of. The most precious, wonderful, pretty man. He couldn’t believe, sometimes, that this was his life. That Jeongguk, so kind, so considerate, so mindboglingly sexy and impossibly talented, was his. His husband. His love. The one who held him, sang to him, chose him. He leaned his head back against the couch, smiling as the babies kicked gently inside him. “I bagged Jeon Jeongguk, I don’t how but I did,” he whispered to no one in particular.
Jeongguk, only having heard his name, turned his puppy-eyed gaze toward him. “Did you say something to me, Tae?”
“Thank you,” he smiled softly.
“For what?” Jeongguk chuckled, thinking he was talking about the cookies.
“For making my dream come true.”
Jeongguk felt like he was living one of his dreams he frequently had. He feared waking up one day and for Taehyung to be gone. Or worse, just being his friend.
Now they were taking full advantage of the fact that Jimin was gone most of the days to use his and Jeongguk’s dorm room to cuddle, play games as usual (while giving each other little pecks on their lips here and there) and listen to music whenever they weren’t drowning in their studies. Namjoon hyung’s roommate had mysteriously disappeared, always rambling about “going to play games with Jeonggukie.”
Jeongguk picked him up from his classes every day and they didn't talk much on the walk to their dorm. Not because there was nothing to say, but because their hands graced and their pinkies usually touched and when that happened, they would get flustered.
And today was no different. By the time they reached the dorm room, the spring rain had softened to a mist. Always something about them and rainy days. Their shoes were a little wet, but Jeongguk stopped caring about that, and pretty much anything, now that THE Kim Taehyung was his boyfriend. Inside, the lights were dim and warm. Taehyung kicked his loafers off lazily and shrugged out of his coat, letting it fall half on the floor. Jeongguk watched him from the door, smiling softly, a little dazed, like he was still catching up with reality. He was.
Taehyung walked to the TV to turn it on, followed by love-sick puppy Jeongguk. He didn’t even pretend not to be madly in love with him. Taehyung leaned against the wall, fiddling with the hem of his sweater, then his tie. He looked up just as Jeongguk stepped closer to him, closer than before. Close like “we can do this now.”
“So,” Taehyung said with a nervous grin, “do we pretend to be chill, or are we just going to panic about this together?”
“Oh, I’m panicking,” Jeongguk said immediately.
“Me too.”
They laughed at the same time. That easy, familiar rhythm they’ve always had, now colored with something new, but that was always there waiting to be found. They sat on the couch, eventually, after a rather intense makeout session. They sat shoulder to shoulder, legs tangled, with a single shared blanket that neither of them made a big deal about, their bodies always glued like it pained them to be apart. A movie played softly in the background but neither of them were watching it. Jeongguk leaned his head on Taehyung’s shoulder. And Taehyung quietly threaded his fingers through his hair. After a while, Jeongguk murmured, “can you stay tonight?”
Taehyung nodded, heartbeat skipping. “You don’t have to ask me that anymore.”
Week 20
Dear Seol and Yul,
Hi babies! I’m right in the middle of the amount of time I have to wait to meet you. I’m halfway there on my way to find you! Does that sound familiar? Those are some of the lyrics of the song your Papa always sings to me. Now, he also sings it to you. He is so full of love. The same goes for your sister. I hope you feel nothing but our love for you. Jieun noona told me that you two can hear my voice. So I talk to you as much as I can whenever I can. I hope you understand me. Can you hear my heart? Today it was beating so loudly when I saw little Yul sucking her thumb on the ultrasound scan. And little Seol moving her tiny legs around. I was so afraid that my heartbeat might startle you. I apologize if it did, babies. But I love you so much. Sometimes it’s so hard for me to contain it.
Loving you twenty-four seven,
Appa.
Jeongguk went to the fridge to get the egg he needed and couldn’t help but smile at the ultrasound pictures, which bestrewed the door. They were all from different weeks, but the recent ones were there in all their glory. Yesterday, they went to get their big anatomy scan to see their twins’ tiny bodies. Jieun spent about half an hour scanning each baby, recording over a hundred photographs, of which they now had two in their fridge. And they were able to see most of them, except for their little fingers, because both of their daughters had their tiny fists clenched.
Now, the scent of green onions and sesame oil wafted through from the kitchen, where Jeongguk stood, sleeves rolled up, brow slightly damp from the stove's heat, to the living room, where Sarang was twirling in her soft pink tulle skirt, which fluttered as she spun in circles to the faint sound of classical music playing from the speaker. Her little brown cardigan was a bit messy, with one of the sleeves already falling down her shoulder. And her hair, which Jeongguk had arranged in two little neat pigtails earlier, was now loose and had some little wild flowers stuck to it from playing outside some hours ago.
Her little bunny plushie now lay on the rug, forgotten, as she moved with the joy she carried doing one of the activities she was very passionate about lately. Ever since she watched Wicked, she got hyperfixated on musical theater and dancing, so she wanted to learn all about it and discuss it and share it with her dads. And Taehyung, always so eager to support every one of her interests, sat on the sofa, staring at her with the utmost love, with both hands resting over his round belly.
“Wow, my love,” he said softly, his voice dreamy with adoration. “That’s the most graceful ballerina Appa’s ever seen.”
Sarang giggled and twirled harder, the room echoing with the soft patter of her socked feet. “Do you think the babies can see me dance, Appa?”
Taehyung’s hand gently rubbed his belly, smiling. “I think they’re clapping in there.”
She beamed, moving closer to Taehyung, spinning with her arms out. Jeongguk kept flicking his gaze from the makguksu he was plating to the living room, always alert to his two babies and always anxious of the possibility of one of them getting hurt. So of course his heart started beating a bit faster when he saw Sarang getting her little foot caught on the corner of the rug and stumbling forward. Her little shriek tugged at his heartstrings.
Jeongguk raised his voice from the kitchen in concern, “Sarang-ah, careful! Not too close to Appa’s belly, baby. Remember Seolie and Yulie are in there.”
She caught herself before falling, her little hand resting on Taehyung’s knee. She didn’t hit him. She hadn’t even touched his belly. But Jeongguk’s voice reached her fast and sharp. She froze. And slowly, her face crumpled.
Taehyung reached for her quickly, pulling her close. “Hey, hey, sweetheart. It’s okay. What’s wrong?”
Sarang buried her face into Taehyung’s chest. “Papa thinks I wanted to hurt Yulie and Seolie,” she mumbled, voice cracking. “I wasn’t trying to... I love them already...”
Jeongguk was in the living room in an instant, wooden spoon still in hand, with his Hello Kitty apron now all wrinkled, looking stricken.
“What? No, no- Baby, no, that’s not what I meant...” He kneeled beside them, panicked, reaching out but not touching. “Sarang, Papa was just... worried. You almost fell and I got scared. I know you’d never ever hurt your sisters.”
But their little girl just turned her face further into Taehyung’s chest, trembling.
Jeongguk blinked quickly, retreating slightly, trying not to show how much seeing her shaking, and moving away from him, gutted him. He looked up at Taehyung, with desperate and glassy eyes.
Taehyung softly caressed her back up and down with his long fingers as he rocked her back and forth to calm her crying down. “It’s okay, baby.”
Jeongguk was still bewildered. His round eyes stared at Taehyung as he asked him in a low voice: “do you think I’m too strict with her?”
Taehyung’s expression softened instantly. He reached out, his fingers brushing Jeongguk’s cheek gently.
“No, Gukkie” he whispered. “You’re the most gentle dad I’ve ever known.”
“But she’s scared of me right now...”
“No, she’s not. She’s just sensitive,” Taehyung whispered back. “You know how big her heart is. It’s just like yours.”
Jeongguk looked down at the floor. “I didn’t mean to sound upset.”
“I know,” Taehyung murmured, then looked at Sarang, gently flicking her chin as he always did with Jeongguk. “Bunny, can you look at me for a second?”
Sarang turned her little head, cheeks wet, her thumb tucked into her mouth.
“You know Papa Gugu loves you more than anything, right?”
She nodded.
“And he was just worried because you were about to fall. That’s all. Not because he thinks you’re bad. You’re the best big sister in the world already.”
Sarang sniffled and looked at Jeongguk.
“Papa is so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you.” Jeongguk was on the verge of tears himself. He opened his arms tentatively. “Can I have a hug, my ballerina?”
She blinked once and then launched into his arms, hugging him tightly around the neck. Jeongguk held her like she was the most fragile thing in the universe, rubbing her back, whispering soft apologies into her hair.
“I love you so much,” he murmured, voice thick. “Always. Okay?”
She nodded against his neck, and just like that, the moment mended. And Jeongguk took the deepest breath he was holding. He loved his first baby so much. She would never stop being his baby, no matter how big she got. And he would never hurt her. Hell, they never raised their voices at her, or at each other. Ever. So the mere thought of his little baby even thinking he was mad at her made him waver.
Taehyung watched his two babies from the sofa as he caressed his two other babies with his hand on the soft rise of his belly, where they were quietly curled. And suddenly, he started feeling some light pain on his ribs, not from the babies, but from hunger.
As much as he loved all of his babies, he had been craving Jeongguk’s makguksu all day, and he was now some steps away from it. So he took out his most powerful weapon against Jeongguk, his pout, and begged for them to go eat at the table.
Later that night, Sarang fell asleep on Jeongguk’s chest as he read her her bedtime storybook. Her little fingers clutched the sleeve of his shirt.
When he came back to their room, he crawled to Taehyung and rested his head on his shoulder. Taehyung’s hands went straight to his hair, combing through it. He could hear Jeongguk’s soft sniffles against his chest as he hugged him tighter around his waist, just under the swell of his belly. And Taehyung knew those weren’t because of his allergies. His soft-hearted Jeonggukie... What happened earlier was probably still weighing down on him. “You’re doing so well, my love. The four of us feel safe because of you,” he reassured him in the dark of their room.
Jeongguk looked up at him, eyes shiny with tears. “I love you so much, Tae.” He snuggled closer and hid his face in the crook of Taehyung’s neck.
Jimin was finally free. As much as he loved hanging out with his law student friends in their fancy dorms, he missed his flat, uncomfortable but cozy bed at his and Jeongguk's dorm room. He wasn't going to lie, he loved his law student friends, and they went out to celebrate that they aced all their finals just some minutes ago. But he also missed his adorable, shy roommate, who was probably willing to cook something delicious for him and maybe watch some movies later.
However, after hearing some suspicious kissing noises, Jimin knew he needed to tease his roommate right after entering the room. Had he finally found himself a girl at uni? Nah, this was priceless! Jimin needed to see it with his own eyes. So he quickly unlocked the door to their room, and that’s when he saw them...
Taehyung and Jeongguk.
On Jeongguk’s bed, curled so close it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. Taehyung’s fingers were lightly tangled in Jeongguk’s hair, while Jeongguk’s face was tucked into the curve of Taehyung’s shoulder now, lips brushing skin. Their foreheads touched. Their free hands were linked. And just as Jimin registered that they were, unmistakably, kissing , Jeongguk flinched. Then Taehyung opened his eyes. And then... chaos ensued.
“JIMIN?!” Taehyung jerked upright so fast he almost launched Jeongguk off the bed. “How- what are you doing here!?”
“I COULD ASK YOU THE SAME THING!” Jimin cackled, eyes wide.
Jeongguk scrambled upright, hoodie askew, hair in disarray, and face flushed a deep scarlet. He opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. Taehyung looked at him, panicked. Jeongguk looked at Jimin, mortified. “This isn’t what it looks like,” Jeongguk blurted, voice two octaves too high.
Jimin crossed his arms, unimpressed. “Really? Because it looks like you two were making out.”
Taehyung groaned and covered his face with both hands. “I’m going to die. This is it. This is how I die.”
“You mean from love?” Jimin grinned.
Neither of them laughed. They were still frozen, like two deer caught in the world’s brightest headlight. Seeing their fear, Jimin’s teasing expression slowly softened.
“Hey...” he said, voice quieter now. He stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. “Tae. Gukk. You guys seriously thought I’d care? Like... in a bad way?”
Taehyung peeked at him between his fingers. “We didn’t know. Not for sure.”
Jeongguk nodded, still unable to meet either of their eyes.
“There’s always a chance...” Taehyung mumbled. “That it could go very, very badly.”
Jimin’s face twisted, not in offense, but in hurt. “Hey, you two are my friends,” he said. “If I ever made you feel like you had to hide something like this...” He sat on the edge of the bed, reached for their hands, both of them. “You love each other?”
A long pause. Then, softly, Jeongguk answered: “Yeah. We do.”
Taehyung squeezed his hand.
Jimin’s face broke into a warm smile. “Then I’m happy for you. But seriously...” He pointed between them. “I’m no one to tell you what to do, but maybe you should consider telling the others. Because they’ll find out eventually, and I don’t think they’ll hate you. I think you shouldn’t have to keep this kind of joy to yourselves. Especially not when it looks like that .”
Jeongguk groaned, hiding his face in Taehyung’s shoulder. Taehyung laughed helplessly.
Jimin stood up, kissed the top of both their heads, and smirked as he walked out to give them some privacy. “Oh. And by the way...” he called over his shoulder. “Jeongguk, you owe me an explanation on how you, who barely talked when we met some years ago, managed to bag THE Kim Taehyung. I’ve got questions, and you better come prepared.”
The door shut behind him. Silence settled again, warm and stunned. Taehyung looked at Jeongguk, both of them still clinging to each other. “Well,” he whispered, smiling with tears in his eyes, “that went better than I expected.”
Jeongguk let out a weak laugh. “I think I can breathe again.”
Taehyung caressed his cheek. “I was so scared, Jeonggukie.” And Jeongguk knew exactly why. Why Taehyung’s hands were now trembling. Why his lips were wobbling. Why he was so scared that the same world that had hurt him so much, that had made him think he doesn’t deserve to love like heterosexuals love so freely, that had made him fear doing such harmless things like walking hand-in-hand with Jeongguk around campus, was the same world that made him fear he would lose his friends just for existing as he does, openly. And he wished he could fix the world just for Taehyung to be happy, to not cry silently to sleep sometimes, and for himself to not fear as well.
They kissed. Slow and relieved this time, not in any rush. They would eventually tell the others. But they’d do it at their own pace.
It had taken them a week. A full week of pacing, doubting, rehearsing what to say, and then saying nothing at all once they practiced in front of each other. Even after Jimin’s reaction, even after his encouragement that “they would not mind,” Taehyung and Jeongguk hesitated. Not because they didn’t trust their friends, but because they’d lived in a country where the public existence of their love was not granted the same rights, and was even punished. Taehyung especially was aware of this.
He had been punished before. And some things just hurt you so deeply that it’s hard for them to simply disappear from your heart’s memory. Like the way his brother looked at him when he came out to his family at seventeen. Or the awkward silence of teachers whenever they did those stupid assignments that assumed everyone was straight by default, and he mentioned he didn’t see himself marrying a woman. Or how, whenever he said he wanted a family, people never got it right and assumed the wrong things about him and where his heart was at, as if gay men couldn't (and didn't, in fact) have kids and raise a family. Or the endless reinforcement (in media, dramas, movies, and TV shows; on the streets; and in the way people asked “so do you have a girlfriend?”) that people like him weren’t expected to exist, let alone be loved openly and not as a second-class citizen.
And Jeongguk knew all too well how often people defaulted to thinking he was straight just because he also liked women. How the mere thought that he could also like men was unfathomable for some people. How whenever they talked about his future spouse or kids, the word “wife” was always there.
So now that they actually had to share such an important thing with their friends, it felt heavier than just a casual announcement. It was letting them see a love, but moreover, a part of themselves that had cost them a lot to protect.
The seven of them had gathered at Yoongi’s dorm room for a late dinner, just some takeout and tea (strong coffee for Namjoon, actually). Conversation bounced casually between some anecdotes, inside jokes, and complaints about finals. Of course, it also went to dating, and Hoseok shared an update on the rich girl Jimin had told them he had a crush on, who was now his girlfriend. Everyone congratulated him and patted his back.
Taehyung barely touched his food. And anxiety made him feel like his stomach was pushing against his ribs. Jeongguk looked like he was holding his breath as well. Jimin gave them the tiniest nod from across the table. And finally, when the conversation started dying down, Jeongguk cleared his throat.
“Hyungs,” he said quietly, eyes down. “Can we tell you something?” Every head turned. “We, um...” He hesitated. Taehyung’s knee touched his under the table.
And then the older boy spoke. “We’re together.” His voice was steady. Barely. “Jeongguk and I. We’re... dating.”
For a beat, no one said anything. They were staring at them in a way that made Jeongguk want to run away from the dorm entirely.
Yoongi’s expression didn’t shift. He simply sat back slightly and exhaled. Namjoon blinked. His brows lifted but then softened. Thoughtful. And Seokjin and Hoseok exchanged a glance.
Jeongguk rushed to speak. “We didn’t want to hide from you. It’s not that we didn’t trust you, just...” He swallowed.
Taehyung looked down. His voice was smaller now. “We’ve had people in our life that made us feel like who we are is something to be ashamed of, like we did something bad just for existing... Even our own family said that to us,” Jeongguk knew who he was talking about. “And you guys are our friends. So if we were going to lose that...” He trailed off. “We had to be sure.”
A long silence. It didn’t hurt, but it burned at the pit of Taehyung’s stomach.
Then Yoongi finally spoke. “Taehyung.”
He looked up.
“I always knew.” Yoongi’s voice was calm, certain. “Maybe not the moment you fell in love, but... I’ve known you two for a long time. And I also know what love looks like. And it didn’t seem like you two were just friends.”
Taehyung stared at him in silence. And just nodded.
Yoongi turned to Jeongguk. “And you. I’ve watched you grow into someone brave enough to protect the people you love. Including yourself.” His voice softened, and then... “You’re good together. Don’t doubt that.”
Namjoon leaned forward, his tone gentle but earnest. “I won’t pretend to understand every part of what you’ve gone through, but I’m really proud of you for loving each other despite everything this country and... everything else..." he gestured with his hands, “tries to tell you.”
“Are you kidding?” Seokjin said suddenly, and everyone turned to him. “You think we’d stop loving you because you love each other?” He laughed, full of disbelief. “We’re your hyungs,” he simply stated.
“Honestly,” Hoseok said, leaning his chin into his hand with a soft smile.
Jeongguk looked around the table, and he was already crying, burying his face in his hands. Taehyung smiled at him with the most tender smile and ruffled his hair. At that moment, all their hyungs came to engulf them in a hug, and Taehyung didn’t even realize he was crying until Jeongguk reached over and wiped the tears from his cheeks.
Week 21
Dear Seol and Yul,
Appa here! I hope you are doing well in my belly. I hope you are comfortable and that the loud street noises on my way to work don't startle you so much. I will always protect you. By the way, do you hear the other children's laughs? Those are my students. Your Appa is a teacher. And I work with other people like you, but a bit older. They were once as tiny as you are now. I can’t believe both of you are so tiny. The app tells me that each of you is the size of a carrot. But my belly is already the size it was when I was seven months pregnant with your sister, when she herself was just the size of a little carrot. My three baby bunnies. So adorable. So tiny. So loved. I love you all so much.
Yours always,
Appa.
Taehyung’s back cracked. Again. For like the 30th time in that day alone. And he was getting fed up. He couldn’t find a comfortable position to sit in, so he was currently curled up on the couch, half-asleep with his cheek smushed against his pregnancy pillow, muttering about already suffering from daily Braxton Hicks despite not even being in his third trimester yet.
He’d been getting them so frequently recently. Jieun had assured him that it was normal, as long as they weren't frequent or awfully painful. So he had no other option than to breathe through them and endure them whenever they shocked him, which was usually during his morning walks to school, where he had to take deep breaths as inconspicuously as possible so as not to worry Sarangie, who obliviously hummed and skipped beside him.
Now that it was finally Saturday and the end of such a long weekend, Jeongguk found him like that on the sofa and felt instantly endeared by him, kneeling beside him with soft eyes. He was determined to make his pregnant husband have a good day today, and he had already made some arrangements with some allies in his “Make Your TaeTae Happy” operation while Taehyung was napping, so he was excited to share the news. He brushed Taehyung’s hair back gently as he whispered: “come outside with me. Just for a little bit. There’s sunshine and sugar cookies in your immediate future.”
Jeongguk assisted him up from the sofa and guided him to the door. Once they were outside, Taehyung's thoughts turned instantly to Sarang, wondering where she was. But Jeongguk, with his borderline eerie ability to read Taehyung's mind (which further confirmed his idea that he and Jeongguk shared some secret form of telepathy), simply smiled at him and told him that Sarang was already waiting for him at the location he was taking him to.
Once they crossed the fence line of their little house, Taehyung started hearing the sounds of kids’ laughter and feeling the sweet smell of the cookies Jeongguk had mentioned earlier. They were now at their neighbor’s backyard, and sure enough, there Sarang was, happily dancing around a circle, holding hands with the other kids. One of the kids got closer to his daughter and kissed her cheek, and Taehyung remembered the kids he had seen at the park some weeks ago, which made him feel really emotional. Sarang was such a lovely kid. She was so sweet and always wanted to make everyone happy.
Ms. Eunji, the sweet retired teacher next door, greeted them at the gate and got Taehyung out of his inner thoughts about his baby. “Taehyung-ah!” she beamed, holding out a plate of bunny-shaped cookies. She adored the Kim-Jeon family but had a special soft spot for Taehyung in her heart, especially now that he was pregnant with the twins. “You came! Oh, look at you, sweetheart, you're just glowing!”
Taehyung laughed genuinely, pressing a hand to his bump. “Thank you, Ms. Eunji. But I’m so tired, I definitely don’t feel like I’m glowing.”
“Well, you look beautiful either way,” she winked, tucking a fresh daisy behind his ear. “Come sit! Or play! Or eat! You don’t lift a finger. And tell your husband I have words for him if you so much as wipe a dish tonight.”
Jeongguk gave her a mock salute as he carefully lifted his little daughter on his hip. Sarang was already sleepy in his arms, dozing off after a full hour of chasing bubbles and dancing with the other kids. He eventually settled into the rocking chair near the rose bushes, caressing her back gently, with his long hair tied up and his smile wrinkling the side of his eyes as he watched Taehyung.
His beautiful husband had started slow. First, he sat under the shade of the backyard’s lemon tree, sipping Ms. Eunji’s delicious watermelon juice from a paper cup, one hand resting on his belly. But then the bubble wand found him. And within minutes, there he was, barefoot on the grass, with his robe sleeves pushed up, surrounded by a chorus of giggles as some of the neighborhood kids squealed and popped bubbles he sent into the air. One little girl had grabbed his hand and asked if the babies could hear them laughing because her mom had told her that Mr. Kim had "two babies in his belly." She was in awe of that and kept asking questions. He knelt to her level, wincing a little, and Jeongguk couldn’t hear what he said, but he saw the little girl's smile. Taehyung really loved kids, and Jeongguk couldn’t believe there was a moment in time where he didn’t think he deserved to make his dream a reality, since he had always had this nurturing quality to him.
The adults smiled at him too, offering him more lemonade, adjusting cushions behind his back, and praising him, which made his Taehyungie very shy. Jeongguk watched it all with a quiet ache. His hand rested over Sarang’s back as she slept on his chest, and he could feel her little cheek’s warmth from the sun. His heart swelled at the way Taehyung laughed freely, finally... without grimacing or guarding himself. All those years ago, when Jihoon helped them find the house they lived in now, both brothers made sure that it was a safe neighborhood. Because, even though Jeongguk could say things were starting to get better in their society over the years (they could now finally have the right to marry and form a family the way heterosexuals always could), especially in the capital, there were still bigoted people who firmly believed they should remain second-class citizens in their own country and that they should, at the minimum, live their love in hiding. Taehyung always wanted to have children, so he needed to make sure that the neighborhood would be one where his husband could walk around visibly pregnant or holding his hand without them being victims of a hate crime.
But now that he was just meters away from him, round and radiant, smiling so warmly, occasionally exchanging glances with him, Jeongguk felt like he made a good decision moving in to where they did. Their house was little, but it was safe. And now Taehyung’s back was starting to hurt, and his feet and ankles were swollen, but Jeongguk had made him so happy that afternoon. To be fair, Jeongguk made him happy every day of his life.
Sharing their love with their hyungs felt freeing somehow, but they knew they weren’t safe yet. They had spent the night together again. Yoongi had lent them his dorm room as he went to Namjoon's (who had totally lost his roommate to Jeongguk). And now they had more privacy to share nights together. Still quiet. Still slow. Still shy. Still half in awe of the fact that they could touch each other in more intimate ways now. But the world outside didn’t feel as safe. And so they walked, not side by side, not holding hands like Jeongguk wished, but with a hand’s width of fear between them.
And Jeongguk knew why. It wasn’t like he wasn’t afraid. He was. He was well aware that in the eyes of his country’s law and society, they weren’t recognized as human beings capable of, and even worse, deserving of, love. Which is why he longed for that. To age alongside Taehyung. To share a life together. To have that domesticity he saw in so many of the romcoms he loved watching. But for now, he just wanted to hold his hand.
Taehyung stopped suddenly at the vending machine outside the economics building, staring at the choices. Not moving to buy anything. Jeongguk stepped up beside him, letting his shoulder just barely graze his. “You want something?” Jeongguk asked him.
Taehyung shook his head. “No, I’m okay.”
Jeongguk didn’t press. He just stood there, pretending to study the chips and cans. His hand, ungloved, rested lightly at his side.
Taehyung looked down at his hand. And then looked away. The same way he had when their fingers had almost touched in the library. Or when Jeongguk had leaned a little too close in the coffee line. He wasn’t pulling away. But he wasn’t reaching either.
Jeongguk noticed, but he didn’t press. So he turned to Taehyung, looking at him with gentle eyes. “Walk with me a little longer?”
Taehyung nodded.
They moved slowly through campus. Past the bookstore. The courtyard. The cherry blossom tree that hadn’t yet bloomed. Jeongguk let the silence stretch.
And finally, Taehyung spoke. “Jeonggukie, I really want to. I do.”
He knew that Jeongguk knew exactly what he meant without him explaining himself so much. His chest ached, but he kept his gaze forward, giving Taehyung time to speak at his own pace.
“You know... When I came here from Daegu, I thought maybe things would be different. It’s the city, after all. I thought they’d be more ‘progressive’ here, or whatever they call human decency these days. But... No. I’m still afraid here.”
Jeongguk closed his hand into a fist to keep from reaching for him too soon.
Taehyung went on, glancing sideways at Jeongguk. “But I really want to walk hand in hand with you. I want to hold your waist as we walk. I want to kiss you here, out in the open. I really do.”
Jeongguk smiled, completely secure in their love. “I know.”
Taehyung’s voice wavered. “But every time I try, I hear his voice calling me ‘a sinner.’ I see the way he looked at me. Like I was something that embarrassed him. Like loving someone was shameful. I just think of all the times I was afraid before.” And now he turned to Jeongguk fully, eyes pleading and vulnerable. “I don’t want to feel that way anymore. But I don’t know how to stop.”
Jeongguk’s expression didn’t shift. He just reached out slowly and let his hand dangle between them. Not demanding anything of Taehyung, just inviting him. “Then we won’t rush it,” he said softly. “We’ll walk as close as you need. And I’ll keep offering, every time. Until one day you feel like it’s the right time for you.”
Taehyung stared at Jeongguk’s offered hand, trembling slightly in the space between them. He didn’t take it yet. But he let his fingers fall just close enough to brush against Jeongguk’s knuckles as they walked side by side.
And for now, it was enough.
Week 22
Dear Seol and Yul,
Hi babies! It’s Papa. I’m so happy your Appa lets me write letters to you too, because I love talking to you in all the forms that are available. Whether it is through written form or through your Appa’s belly. And today, I felt you moving for the first time. Appa said it was Seolie moving. And he can already tell you two apart! He knows Seolie is more active and that Yulie is more shy. We love you so much. I love you with all of my heart already. I feel bad saying this, but sometimes I do feel jealous of your Appa because he gets to be with you all day. He gets to feel you moving. And he has been feeling you moving for some weeks now. It’s my first time, so I’m really excited. And super happy. I can’t wait to feel more! And I can’t wait to have you in my arms in a few months. Please stay safe in Appa’s belly. It must be really cozy in there, right?
I love you.
Papa.
At this point in his pregnancy, Taehyung was convinced that if it wasn’t for his wonderful husband, he would be miserable. He could barely survive the school day and was exhausted as soon as he came home. But he kicked off his shoes at the entrance, and he could already hear his daughter’s giggles and smell the freshly made food. No fail, each time. Jeongguk would then massage his legs as he placed his swollen feet high on his thighs, and he could finally breathe. Well, barely, as the babies were now constantly moving around his ribs, so those also hurt him now, alongside his already aching back.
But despite all of that, he would never trade the feeling of Seol and Yul moving around inside him for anything in the world. Even though his belly was now the size of how it was by the third trimester of his first pregnancy, the girls still had room to wiggle around. Seol was downwards and to the left of his bump, always active and very responsive to her Appa’s voice. Whereas Yul was upwards and to the right, a bit less active, but she also gave little nudges here and there in response to Taehyung’s voice. They poked him and cuddled him, bringing his boxy smile to his face multiple times a day.
And he was the only one who could feel them, until today.
It was way past their usual bedtime, but Jeongguk had a little bit of trouble making Sarang fall asleep tonight because she really wanted him to stay a bit longer. So now that they were finally in their bed, Taehyung was on his back, his pregnant belly rose and fell with his breaths, and he had one hand absentmindedly stroking through Jeongguk’s hair where he lay, half-draped over him, with his cheek pressed carefully against the swell of his bump. His pretty husband was once again rambling about the ending of La La Land, something he was clearly passionate about.
“...I just think it was needlessly heartbreaking,” Jeongguk was saying, clearly deep in his feelings. His voice was a bit pouty as he stared at Taehyung’s belly like it owed him emotional support. “Why build up that whole love story if they weren’t even going to end up together?”
Taehyung chuckled softly, his fingertips caressing Jeongguk’s ear. “Because not all people are as lucky as we are, Jeonggukie. They had to choose between their love or their dreams at that point. And even though they went their separate ways, they both had a positive impact on each other’s lives. Some people help each other grow, even if they don't grow old together.”
Jeongguk tilted his head, lips pursed, clearly not convinced. “Still. The whole dream sequence at the end? That broke me. I cried. Again.”
“That’s the fifth time you’ve cried at it,” Taehyung chuckled.
“Because it keeps breaking me,” Jeongguk huffed, now looking down at the bump again, placing his palm over it with exaggerated drama. “Babies, listen to me. If you ever watch La La Land, just stop after the summer montage. That’s where it should’ve ended. They’re happy. That’s it.”
Taehyung laughed, a low, warm sound. “Ignore your Papa. It was perfect the way it was.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“Yes, it was.”
They were grinning now, locked in a light, sleepy tug-of-war. And then... At the sound of Jeongguk's voice, Seol pushed against Jeongguk’s cheek, like saying hello to her Papa, maybe agreeing with him, maybe defending her Appa. Jeongguk froze mid-ramble, and his eyes widened. He turned his head slightly, cheek still against the bump. “Did they just...?”
Taehyung’s brows arched. “Yep.”
Jeongguk sat up a little, still pressing a hand to the spot. “That was- Hey!” He felt another one.
Taehyung burst into laughter, eyes crinkling. “Oh wow. I think they’re siding with me.”
“They’re kicking me for speaking the truth,” Jeongguk protested, but he was laughing too now, overrun with joy and disbelief.
“I’m pretty sure it’s because they agree with me,” Taehyung said smugly, teasing. “These two girls already have strong opinions on film. Just like their Papa.”
Jeongguk gasped and leaned back down, kissing the bump once, twice. “How could you, baby girls?” he whispered lovingly, even as his eyes watered a little with the sweetness of it all. “My tiny, adorable, movie critics.”
Taehyung smiled as he reached down, cupping Jeongguk’s jaw gently. “They are already my best friends,” he teased.
Jeongguk smiled at that and kissed Taehyung’s belly again, then Taehyung’s waist, then his wrist, and finally his lips. He helped Taehyung get comfortable in bed, placing all the pillows he needed, from the one between his knees to the one under his hips, and with that, they settled back down. Jeongguk’s tattooed arm was wrapped over his waist, and his hand was sprawled over his belly. And Taehyung could feel his chest moving with his breathing against his back. Their heartbeats were slow and steady. Now the room was filled with the warmth of two hearts and two tiny ones (as another little one rested not too far away), loving each other from the inside out.
Another whole semester had passed, and Taehyung was closer to graduating. He was scared of what was ahead of him in the future, but ever since Jeongguk was in his life, he made the fear bearable. If life felt like walking in a dark endless room before, with Jeongguk here with him now, it felt like he was the one guiding him by the hand in it and carrying a flashlight with him to light their path.
Today was another rainy day they were sharing. It had not rained heavily, but just enough to make the sidewalks shimmer and the leaves hang low with water. The sky was pale again, stretched wide and open over the campus. And they were walking back from a late afternoon study session at the library. Every so often, they’d lean into each other. Jeongguk said something, laughing under his breath, a little joke about a campus squirrel trying to steal someone’s coffee, and Taehyung laughed too, head tilted back. But if he was honest with himself, he had been eyeing Jeongguk’s hand the whole ride back to their dorm room.
So without thinking about it much, without pausing, without hearing all the voices in the back of his head from the memories of shame he stored inside him, he reached out and took Jeongguk’s hand in his. Just like that. His fingers laced through Jeongguk’s like they were meant to be there. Like they were just waiting for him. Like the space between them had never made sense in the first place.
Jeongguk stopped mid-step and looked down at their intertwined fingers, then up at Taehyung. “Are you...?”
Taehyung nodded without looking at him, just keeping his eyes ahead, but with his cheeks flushed pink. “Yeah... I don’t want to be scared today.”
Jeongguk squeezed his hand, thumb brushing over it like he was afraid it would disappear. He smiled at his boyfriend sweetly. This felt monumental to them. It wasn’t just holding hands.
They kept walking. They passed a few people, they heard a few whispers, and Taehyung could definitely feel the burn of their stares. But he didn’t flinch. Jeongguk could feel the strength of his grip getting tighter as they moved past the crowds, and he felt wanted, loved. Like when he cooked for Taehyung, and he praised his food like it was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted (because to Taehyung, it was). Or when he ran his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair. Or when the older boy drew circles on his chest with his long fingers and fell asleep on it, as Jeongguk hoped he could hear his heartbeat... how it beat for him. Or right now, with their fingers tangled with the boy he loved, who loved him right back.
And it felt, finally, like spring.
Week 23
Dear Seol and Yul,
This week, Appa is so so so happy because in just one more week you’ll have a little chance of surviving if you decide to meet us early. Of course, I hope you don’t. I want you to stay inside where it’s warm and safe, where you can hear the sound of my heartbeat. So you can grow strong. But still... it feels like you’re one step closer to your birthdays, when I’ll get to meet you. And you know what? Jieun noona told me that you can dream now, babies. I wonder what you dream about. Can you share it with Appa? I imagine you both curled up in my belly, sharing secrets through the thin walls that separate you, tapping out a rhythm with your tiny little toes. Do you ever talk about me? Are you laughing when I laugh? My tummy must jiggle when I laugh. Does it bother you, my girls? I hope not. I hope you can feel how much I love you. How much all of us already love you. Your sister Sarang still kisses you every morning and asks me if you are okay. Your Papa Jeongguk still makes sure Appa eats all his vitamins. And your Appa... I’m still here, with both of my hands over my belly, counting your kicks, counting the days until we meet, and counting every lucky moment that brought you to me.
Stay safe, little ones. Take care of each other.
I love you so much,
Appa.
It was 2:13 a.m. when Taehyung finally gave up on trying to sleep. The dull ache in his lower back had been constant for the past hour, paired with the tightening that rolled across his belly like a wave. He didn’t know what it was at this point. It was either another one of the many Braxton Hicks he was getting throughout the day or more pulling from his round ligament pain. But this wasn’t painful, just uncomfortable.
He tried to lie still, breathing slowly so he wouldn’t wake Jeongguk up, whose face was buried against the pillow beside him with his mouth slightly open and his soft black hair falling over his pretty face. Taehyung knew how little sleep Jeongguk had been getting lately because of how often he stayed awake listening for the smallest change in Taehyung’s breathing. It pained him to think about just how quickly his baby stirred when Taehyung shifted in bed. He couldn’t bring himself to disturb him now.
So he just counted through the tightening with his hand rubbing over the taut swell of his belly, silently coaching himself through each breath until the squeeze passed. When it finally eased, he slipped out of bed as quietly as he could and padded into the kitchen. The tiles were cold under his socks. He poured himself a mug of warm milk, leaning against the counter as he sipped and kept rubbing his stomach.
The girls had been so active lately, he could actually see them rolling around in his tummy. He started counting their little kicks, nudges, pokes, and even punches. When he was pregnant with Sarang, whenever he felt her moving, even if it was the tiniest movement, it reassured him that his baby was okay. But now that there were two babies inside of him, there was double the anxiety for Taehyung, because if he didn’t feel any movements in certain areas of his belly, or if he felt one of the babies move, he started worrying about the other one.
Now, though, he was calm, as both babies rolled around. “One, two...” he whispered under his breath as he counted gentle nudges from inside. “Three... four... are you two having a party in there?”
He didn’t hear Jeongguk’s footsteps, just felt the quiet weight of his presence in the doorway. So he wasn’t startled in the slightest when his soft voice spoke to him, still rough with sleep. “Tae.”
Taehyung looked up, guilt flashing in his eyes. “Did I wake you?”
Jeongguk shook his head, crossing the room to press a kiss into Taehyung’s messy hair. “No. You weren’t in bed.”
“I just... couldn’t sleep,” Taehyung admitted. “I didn’t want to bother you.”
Jeongguk didn’t answer right away. Instead, he held out his hand. “Come with me.”
“It’s the middle of the night, Jeonggukie. Where are we going?”
“Just follow me,” he smiled softly.
The backyard was dark and quiet when they stepped out. The chilly November air blew in their faces. Jeongguk had grabbed one of their thick, fuzzy blankets, wrapping it around Taehyung’s shoulders before pulling it close around the both of them. “Why are we...?”
“It’s past midnight,” Jeongguk interrupted gently, smiling in the way that made Taehyung’s heart beat a little bit faster. “Which means it’s officially our wedding anniversary.”
Taehyung’s eyes widened. How could he? “I'm sorry... I forgot...” He started mentally cursing his pregnancy brain when he felt Jeongguk’s warm hands around his.
“Shh,” he whispered, brushing his knuckles against Taehyung’s cheek. “Don’t. You have nothing to apologize for. You’re growing two little humans in there. That’s already the best anniversary present you’ve ever given me.”
Taehyung swallowed hard, his throat already tight with emotion.
Jeongguk looked into his eyes with the steady devotion he’d always carried. “But I want to do this anyway. I want to tell you my vows again, if you’d like that.” Under the soft glow of their porch light, Jeongguk’s voice was so soft, just like it always was when he spoke to him.
“Of course I’d love that, my love,” Taehyung answered.
His husband took a deep breath and then started: “I, Jeon Jeongguk, vow to love you, Kim Taehyung, in every season of our lives. I vow to stand with you through joy and fear. I vow to always find my way back to you no matter where we are, no matter what we face. For the rest of my life.”
Jeongguk was often frustrated with his memory issues to the point of wanting to cry. Some things seemed to just disappear from it, which was one of the many reasons why he was so keen on recording every step of their lives. But somehow, he remembered every word from their wedding day vows.
And Taehyung was so in love with him.
He looked down at Taehyung’s belly, smoothing his palm gently over it. “Now I vow to protect this family we’ve made, to love you and our babies more fiercely than I’ve ever loved anything in this world.”
Taehyung’s tears slipped free before he could stop them. “Jeongguk...”
“I love you,” Jeongguk whispered, pulling him closer. “Always.”
Taehyung laughed wetly against his chest. “I can’t believe I forgot our anniversary. I’m such a bad husband.”
Jeongguk tilted his chin up, smiling through his own damp eyes. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Forgetting a date doesn’t change that.”
They stood there for a long while, the cold night air curling around them, but the blanket and Jeongguk’s arms kept Taehyung warm. Above them, the stars were faint but present. The same stars that had granted them their wish with the two little baby girls that were now restless under Jeogguk’s palm.
Until Taehyung cupped Jeongguk’s face in both of his hands and looked him in the eyes. “Thank you for choosing me. You have made me the luckiest man in the world for having a husband like you. You gave me the family I’ve always dreamed of. And I’d choose you over and over and over again.” He lifted Jeongguk’s hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to his palm. Then, he guided his hand to rest over Jeongguk’s own heart. “As long as I can feel this pumping, life is going to be the best for me.”
Jeongguk full-on sobbed now. “I’m so happy I’m loved by you."
It was Jeongguk’s last year of university. The cherry blossoms were beginning to bloom along the sidewalk, and their fluttering petals drifted like confetti across campus. And he, once the shy boy who always lingered behind others, with his shoulders hunched and eyes lowered, now confidently waved goodbye to his friends with a smile. He had made some friends that were around his age on his degree program. Ever since his boyfriend graduated two years ago, Jeongguk was “left alone” at university and eventually found comfort in this group of friends, who he even shared some matching friendship tattoos with.
Oh, that too... He had tattoos now. He was sure that if he were to tell his younger self about how his life was doing now, he wouldn’t believe him. He didn’t know what was wilder: the tattoos, the great amount of amazing friends he had, the good grades he surprisingly had now that he had found something he was passionate about, or the fact that he was dating the most beautiful man he had ever seen.
Said man was now watching him from just across the courtyard, leaning against the fence outside the fine arts building, still wearing his reading glasses and the knitted vest/dress pants combo that Jeongguk loved so much. He had recently gotten a job as a first-grade teacher at the elementary school he was dreaming about. He had researched about the area, and made sure the school was safe and inclusive. He also loved the neighborhood, but dreaming about living there was something he didn’t even allow himself to do. Not yet.
His eyes shone immediately the moment he spotted his Jeongguk. His boyfriend. His Jeongguk. No matter how many times he said it, it still made his heart flutter.
“Taehyugie!” Jeongguk beamed, rushing toward him. They had dropped the honorifics some time ago, and now they only used them whenever they were around other people. “Can I drive us there?”
So Jeongguk took Taehyung to a small, intimate tattoo studio tucked between a coffee shop and a bookstore in Hongdae. The appointment had been booked weeks ago. As they waited for the artist to prepare all the equipment, Jeongguk held Taehyung’s hand. The older boy looked at the sketch Jeongguk had drawn. Delicate and strong lines would wrap his bicep in a half-sleeve. It wasn’t his whole arm yet (although he wanted to have it all tattooed eventually), but he wanted it to be significant. And Taehyung instantly recognized the meaning each design had for Jeongguk. And recognized the ones that were for him too.
The tattooing process took over an hour. Taehyung sat beside him the whole time and gently squeezed Jeongguk’s hand whenever it hurt a little too much. Once it was finished, as the tattoo artist went to get some bandages, Taehyung leaned down and pressed a kiss just beneath the tattoo’s edge. Then another. And another. He kissed all around Jeongguk’s arm, careful not to directly kiss the fresh ink but making sure to mark his arms with his kisses too.
“You’re becoming everything you dreamed of,” Taehyung whispered against his skin. “And I’m so proud of you.”
Jeongguk swallowed. Taehyung’s deep voice. His words. They were making his eyes water, and he was already crying. “I wouldn’t have gotten here without you.”
Taehyung looked up at him. “No, Jeonggukie, you got here with me. There’s a difference. We are in this together, my love.”
He was right, Jeongguk thought. That was the truth of them. Of their love. Two boys who found each other.
Week 24
Dear Seol and Yul,
My beloved babies, good day! I'm so happy this week because your Papa and I went to our monthly ultrasound appointment, and we saw your little faces in more detail. Your little noses and your little ears. Your little mouths and your little eyes, which were still closed. You are so beautiful. We could even see that Yulie was sucking her little thumb. And you were moving a lot! Jieun noona had a hard time seeing you properly because you were moving a lot. I’ve been paying attention to your movements a lot more recently, and I see you sleep, wave, kick, and turn a lot in my tummy. You also made your big sister giggle yesterday because she saw the way my belly jerks and shakes whenever any of you two have hiccups. You are so tiny yet so strong.
I can’t wait to meet you!
Appa.
Taehyung felt so helpless. He was crying like a kid, in front of his poor, worried husband, over some brown waistcoat that didn’t fit him anymore. This was his favorite outfit to go out on dates with Jeongguk. He would wear it over a shirt with a tie, and under a fancy light brown suit. He loved the contrast his clothes, which seemed taken out of a 20s vintage movie, made with Jeongguk’s opposite style. That was before, of course, having a belly that was as big as it was when he was 37 weeks pregnant with Sarang, which was when he was weeks away from giving birth!
“Not the waistcoat, baby, but we can make this work.” His Jeonggukie was trying his best to make him feel better, as they were minutes away from going out on their date, the one he had also organized for Taehyung. But Taehyung wanted to wear that so badly, forgetting just for a minute that all he had been wearing lately was just soft fabric and elastic waistbands and whatever let him sit without crying. “See? You can wear the suit unbuttoned and the shirt and tie under it. Without the waistcoat. And you still look so incredibly handsome.”
“No, I look ridiculous,” Taehyung pouted as he saw his reflection in their full-length mirror. He had let Jeongguk help him get the waistcoat off, and now with the suit unbuttoned and his belly protruding out of it, he just felt like he was playing dress-up, not like himself. And the fact that every attempt at intimacy with Jeongguk lately turned into a leg cramp, or nausea, or him falling asleep mid-cuddle didn’t help much with how unsexy he had been feeling.
And then he would feel bad for feeling this way, because he loved being pregnant, and because Jeongguk genuinely made him feel so loved, as he never shied away from making sure Taehyung knew exactly how beautiful he was. He believed it meant a lot coming from someone who had spent a lot of time around him and who had seen him in every possible condition, even the piteous one he was in now. He never once doubted Jeongguk’s love for him. He was just mad at himself for not being able to have the kind of sex he enjoyed. Because he appreciated the slow and tender way Jeongguk had handled him lately, but he missed the roughness.
Which was why Taehyung found himself later that night sitting in a restaurant across from Jeongguk, unbearably hard in his pregnancy dress pants, staring hungrily at his chiseled chest through the section of his black shirt he had unbuttoned earlier, already horny. It wasn’t a restaurant exactly, more like a guesthouse tucked into the hills just outside the city. Because they weren’t rich, and they had a toddler and two babies on the way. Yet, somehow, Jeongguk had arranged everything. He had reserved the place a month prior, so it was closed to the public tonight, just for the two of them to be there, sitting on a low candlelit table that was set under a canopy of lanterns, as soft jazz played from somewhere out of sight (also from a playlist Jeongguk had made with some of Taehyung’s favorite songs, which he shared with the place’s owner).
Jeongguk had brought a pillow for Taehyung’s back and a low stool for him to prop his feet on. “You did all this?” Taehyung asked on the verge of tears (god, he hated how pregnancy made him cry over everything).
Jeongguk only smiled. “You deserve all of it. Also,” and there he was reading his mind again, “don’t feel bad for crying, baby. You can cry as much as you are allowed to laugh, get angry, get hungry, and anything else your body naturally does. I don’t know why there’s this whole shaming thing from society towards crying.”
Taehyung reached for his hand from across the table. He loved him so much. They ate slowly, talking about nothing and everything. Taehyung kept catching Jeongguk looking at him. He hadn’t felt beautiful in some time now. But under his gaze, he did.
But by the end of their dinner, he was getting impatient. All he cared about was the fact that this night would end with him completely naked, sitting on Jeongguk's cock. They didn't even make it past the living room when Taehyung started undressing Jeongguk ferociously, as the younger man giggled against his mouth. “Easy there, Tae. We have all night.” And they did. Yoongi had taken Sarang for the night, sending them a voice note of their little girl saying goodnight to them, which they heard in the car on the way back home (and that, of course, made Taehyung cry), and the house was still, quiet, and dim with warm lamp light.
Once they entered their room, Jeongguk closed the door behind him and wrapped his arms around Taehyung from behind, pressing close. “Let me take care of you,” he whispered into his ear. “Let me know if at any point you want me to stop or if you feel the slightest bit uncomfortable.” Taehyung nodded eagerly.
Jeongguk undressed him carefully, murmuring, “beautiful,” against his skin. His hands worshipped the body Taehyung had long stopped seeing as desirable. His stretched belly, his aching legs, his tired arms. Jeongguk got on his knees in front of him, willing to suck his dick then and there, but Taehyung was so desperate that he asked him to lie down on his back. Jeongguk did as he was told and Taehyung exhaled a breath of relief. It was much easier to ride him in that position. It was kind of the only position that he could take it easily nowadays. His stomach was too big to be on his knees and when he was on his back, and they cuddled close, he couldn’t see Jeongguk’s pretty face and it felt like he was so far away, not close enough for Taehyung.
Jeongguk loved the way Taehyung wrapped around him. And Taehyung loved riding him. When they were both getting closer, Jeongguk started stroking Taehyung’s cock with one hand, while gripping his waist with the other. The grip got stronger as he was getting closer and closer. And Taehyung missed that grip so much. Both of their releases were perfect.
They were house-hunting one day when Jeongguk sang it to him in what would be their home years later. That song. The song Taehyung knew by heart. Because his Jeonggukie always sang it to him.
Jeongguk had brought the guitar Yoongi had lent him in a case on his back. He took it out carefully and placed it on his raised knee, closing his eyes as he strummed.
“You were staring at your bedroom wall.”
“With only ghosts beside you.”
Jeongguk was swaying gently from side to side as he played, with his eyes closed. Taehyung loved his honey voice. The sweetest, most beautiful voice he had ever heard. He loved Jeongguk so much that it felt like he was going to combust with how much love he held for him.
“Somewhere out where the wind was calling,”
“I was on my way to find you.”
He opened his eyes, and his gaze met Taehyung’s. He was already dewy-eyed.
His soft-hearted Jeonggukie.
Week 25
Dear Seol and Yul,
How are you this week, my beautiful girls? Appa's belly is big now. Not that it wasn’t before. But now it looks like what it looked like when I was full-term with your big sister (which means when I was days away from seeing her for the first time). With you two, it's different. I still have many weeks to go with you still on my belly (fingers crossed), and I can’t wait to meet you! You two must be cramped in there. I can’t believe the three of us are sharing the same body. Sometimes you kick so hard I think you're arguing with each other. But Sarangie always tells me that you two are sisters, so you love each other and you would never fight. She is right. She is the smartest. If love has a sound, I hope it’s what you hear every time Sarang talks to you. Or when your Papa sings to my belly, to you two. Or when I talk to you.
I love you, so, so, so much.
Appa.
“I can’t reach the floor,” Taehyung said with a groan, trying to bend and grab Sarang’s glittery wand from under the couch. She was using it as an improvised microphone, but now it had gone to a place that was impossible for Taehyung to reach in his current state. “How much more can my belly grow? Why do I already feel like a full moon?”
Jeongguk walked in carrying a mug of warm milk for him and gently nudged the wand over with his foot. “Because you’re carrying two babies, Tae.”
Taehyung grunted. “Well, this full moon has rehearsal duty. Sarang wants to do one final run-through of her solo before her school performance tomorrow. But I’ll be back with you in a minute,” he whispered. Jeongguk was already in bed, but came to Taehyung’s aid as soon as he heard some giggles in the living room.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to run it with her?” Jeongguk offered, pressing a kiss to Taehyung’s temple.
“I need to do it,” Taehyung said softly. “She asked for me.”
With the end of the year and Christmas break right around the corner, Sarang’s kindergarten was hosting a late-night Christmas play about Rudolph the Reindeer. But the thing was that, despite being the organizers, the kids didn’t rehearse at the kindergarten but at home with their parents. He chalked it up to the teacher staff there being just as overworked and exhausted as he was, barely having any time for anything. So he wasn’t going to be too hard on them.
However, he was very pregnant and exhausted from growing his twins. All he wanted to do being up this late was to cuddle with Jeongguk in their warm bed. But he soldiered on despite this, for his oldest baby. Because she had been so passionate and hyperfixated on theatre and dance for months now, and he wanted to be always supportive of her dreams and interests, wanting to be the best Appa for her.
So Jeongguk turned the living room lights down and hit play on the music track from Sarang’s little Bluetooth speaker. Taehyung clapped along, singing backup for her lines when she looked his way for support. Even when the babies shifted uncomfortably inside his belly, he stayed seated on the couch, beaming through tears as his daughter bowed to her audience, her Papa and her pregnant Appa, which also meant her little sisters in his belly.
The next day, as soon as they entered the classroom, Taehyung recognized the smell of glue sticks and orange slices, which reminded him of his own class. Tiny chairs had been arranged in sloppily arranged rows. The walls were covered in finger-painted suns, cotton-ball sheep, and lopsided drawings of houses, and Taehyung loved the fact that he could tell which were made by Sarang, despite none of the drawings having a signature on them. Hers had bright colors, and two big circles and three little dots were always present. She loved drawing her family.
The place was packed with parents and siblings, and Taehyung’s belly took up half the row, but he didn’t care. He was happy that his babies could attend their sister’s show. His eyes never left the small curtain. Sarang's class came out in a line like a trail of ducklings, holding hands, but all Taehyung could focus on was on her. Sarang had her hair tied in two little buns, courtesy of part-time stylist, part-time Papa, and part-time (now) cameraman, Jeongguk. She kept searching the room until her eyes landed on her dads. She waved with her whole body. Taehyung waved back so hard he startled the mom next to him. Yul kicked him in the ribs, and Seol kept pressing her head on his pelvis. But he was so overwhelmed with emotion in the moment that he was sure his babies were merely reacting to their sister's voice during her solo.
He wept from the first note to the final bow. One of Jeongguk’s hands was tightly holding his while the other one held the camcorder he was filming Sarang with, not that behind Taehyung with the tears. She kept staring at them from the stage as she joined the choir of her classmates, and Taehyung waved so much at her that his hand cramped. When the applause rang out, he could only whisper through his tears, “that’s my daughter.”
“Come on in, lovebirds,” Jihoon held the door open for them. Jeongguk tightened his hold on Taehyung’s hand as he followed him inside the house, feeling his brother close behind him.
After graduating, Jeongguk had received a job offer from a big TV network that had been eyeing him and that was very famous around the city. It seemed too good to be true, as they were basically paying him really low for working ridiculous hours, standing on his feet all day filming, and then on top of that being in charge of editing and producing the footage. But a job was a job after all, and Jeongguk considered himself lucky to even have one in this economy. However, Taehyung was really worried about his Jeonggukie’s health, as he constantly saw him staying at very late hours of the day, editing videos with his pose hunched over the computer.
Jeongguk had enough, though, when he realized that the company was being sued for unethical labor practices and cutting accessibility corners in their children’s programming, all things that he considered to be really important. Taehyung knew that they couldn’t afford to live with only one paycheck. But he admired Jeongguk’s integrity so much and how his heart was always in the right place, so he told him he would take extra hours at his job so Jeongguk could quit and maybe pursue the freelance route he always dreamed of but which seemed so out of reach. Now, thanks to Taehyung, it wasn’t. So Jihoon was so grateful to his brother-in-law for taking care of his little brother that he decided to not only help Jeongguk with house-hunting for the perfect neighborhood for him but also get him an affordable house in the neighborhood of Taehyung’s dreams, near the school he worked at.
The place was small, tucked between two larger houses. Taehyung let go of Jeongguk’s hand for a little bit to go take a look at it. And sighed dreamily. Near the entrance, to the left, there was a cozy living room that connected to the dining table area and the kitchen. To the right, there was a hall that led to the rooms and the bathroom. And those almost made Taehyung cry. There were three rooms. A bigger one, where he could already envision his and Jeongguk’s bed in the middle of it; a slightly smaller one where he thought Jeongguk's office could be; another room, and what seemed to be a guest room. He imagined little feet padding across the hall, to the living room, and to the backyard. He could hear the laughs of little children, maybe three or four, he wasn’t sure, calling out their dads’ names, the perfect mix of his and Jeongguk’s love.
Jihoon came from behind him and placed his hand gently on his shoulder. “And? Do you like it, Taehyungie?” In front of them, in the backyard, Jeongguk was already rolling on the grass, feeling it under his palms and inhaling the smell of it, freshly cut and a bit wet.
Taehyung turned to look at him and smiled. “Yeah, I love it. Thank you, Jihoon. This place means a lot to me. I can’t thank you enough with all you’ve been helping us these past few months. I mean, you not only helped us find this place, but also to move all our stuff. I can’t possibly repay you.”
“No, no, I don’t want to hear any of that. Seriously, I love my brother, and I’ve come to love you too,” he pinched his cheek. “And you have really been a great hyung, and now lover, to him. I know him and he barely...”
“Talked” Taehyung completed his train of thought, with a tender smile on his face as he saw Jeongguk on the grass. His soft-hearted Jeonggukie.
“Yeah, exactly. He was so shy and you made him get out of his shell, meet new people, have new experiences. Thank you.”
“Thank you for thinking so highly of me, but a lot of that was Jeongguk’s hard work. I’m really proud of him,” Taehyung said without taking his eyes off him.
“Me too.”
Jihoon left that night with tons of lunch boxes of food Jeongguk had prepared for him, some of his favorites too. And promised to visit fairly often because he would stick around the city for some months due to work. Now, without his laughter, the house seemed larger than it was.
Jeongguk was folding some of the last tablecloths in the kitchen when Taehyung left to go to the bathroom. When he came back, he found him neatly arranging something by the windowsill in the living room. Taehyung tilted his head to see better. “What are you doing, Jeonggukie?”
Jeongguk flinched, not expecting him to be back so quickly, and turned around slowly, revealing a tiny object wrapped in brown paper, tied messily with string. “This was supposed to be a surprise when you found it. But I guess it found you first.” He smiled at him and passed the present very carefully.
Taehyung sat on the couch and gently unwrapped it. The string fell away. And there it was. A hand-carved wooden bear, small enough to sit in his palm. The larger bear was cradling a baby bear to its chest, eyes closed, carved so perfectly that it almost looked like it was breathing. Taehyung didn’t say anything at first. He just stared at it, and something in his chest tugged hard. “Jeongguk... did you make this?”
“I know it's just a silly little thing,” Jeongguk said quickly, sitting beside him, suddenly shy. “But when you told me about your dream of being a father, of having a family, all those years ago at the dorms... when you told me about your plushies that you would put under your shirt... I never stopped thinking about it.”
Taehyung looked up at him, his eyes already misted. “You remembered?”
“You always look so far away when you talk about it,” Jeongguk continued, voice breaking a little. “Like it’s something you’re afraid to want. But I want to remind you that you are allowed to want it, to dream about it. That we can even have it together, if that’s what you’d like.” He swiped quickly at the corner of his eye. “I thought... maybe this little guy could sit on the windowsill. Just until we get there. Just so you know I’m not going anywhere.”
Taehyung didn’t respond right away. He looked down at the bear again, then back at Jeongguk, who was crying into his hands now. So Taehyung leaned in and pressed their foreheads together, softly. “It’s not silly, my love,” he whispered. “It’s the most beautiful thing anyone’s ever given me.”
Jeongguk let out a shaky breath, nose brushing Taehyung’s, finally letting his tears fall freely. “I just love you so much,” he murmured. “And I know it’s not time yet. But when it is, I want that life you dream of, with you.”
“Me too.” Taehyung kissed him again. He cradled the bear between them as if it were already real, already a piece of something they’d someday hold together.
Week 26
Dear Seol and Yul,
Hi my beautiful babies! You make Appa so happy. I’m so happy because of you! I keep feeling you moving around inside me. And I love your little nudges and squirms. Sometimes I do get some kicks and jabs that leave me out of breath with how strong they are. But I know it’s just your way of telling me you are there. “Hey Appa! Do you see us?” Yes, I do, my babies. I always see you. I always feel you. Your big sister Sarang is already showing me how to be a parent to three. She's teaching me that love doesn't divide, but it multiplies. I love you three so much. Four! Don’t forget your wonderful Papa, the sweetest man on Planet Earth! He has so much love stored inside of him. For you. For Sarang. For me. He embodies it. I hope you get to feel it all once you are here with us.
With all my love,
Appa.
It was finally the weekend and Taehyung wanted to prepare something for Jeongguk since he had been pampering him so much, and he felt increasingly worried about his Jeonggukie not resting properly. He had put some music on the living room through the speakers. The TV was off, Sarang was asleep, and Jeongguk was curled into the corner of the couch with one of Sarang’s weighted blankets over his knees, waiting for Taehyung, who had disappeared into the bedroom a few minutes ago after finishing his nightly skincare, claiming he needed to “change into something comfortable.”
Jeongguk hadn’t thought much of it. Until he heard the unmistakable sound of his husband’s bare feet padding slowly across the hardwood floor, punctuated by exaggerated sighs and a slight shuffle. He looked up just as Taehyung entered the room, wearing one of Jeongguk’s white button-ups, barely buttoned over his twin bump. He had tousled his hair wildly, had put on some sunglasses and was now holding a glass of water like it was a cocktail, eyes locked on Jeongguk like a man on a mission.
“Excuse me, beauty,” Taehyung purred, deepening his voice even more. “Are you single?”
Jeongguk raised his eyebrows, clearly amused, as he smirked. “Oh?” he said, catching on instantly. “Me?”
Taehyung stepped closer, with the effort and awkwardness of a man who was carrying two babies, but his expression never wavered from his performance. “Yeah, you, beauty. Sitting there, like a dream. Are you single?” he asked again.
Jeongguk chuckled, playing along. “I mean, no. But I am alone. Just came here to relax tonight.”
Taehyung tilted his head, giving him a long, exaggerated once-over. “That’s wild. Because someone as fine as you shouldn’t ever be alone in a place like this.”
Jeongguk raised an eyebrow, biting his lip like he was trying not to laugh. “What if I told you I was waiting for someone?”
Taehyung clutched his imaginary pearls and fake-gasped. “Then I’d hope it was me.”
“Maybe it is.”
They were both giggling now, the air warm with affection and mischief. But then Taehyung's expression shifted. He took a deep, dramatic breath, and before Jeongguk could react, he began lowering himself to one knee.
Jeongguk instantly frowned and was off the couch in an instant, rushing to catch his husband before he could collapse entirely onto the rug. “Wait, Tae. Be careful.”
“Let me do this,” Taehyung pouted dramatically.
“Darling,” he scolded gently, hands already under Taehyung’s arms, lifting him effortlessly. “You’re pregnant. With twins. This is not the time to propose.”
“But it’s part of the bit,” Taehyung whined, pouting again, even as Jeongguk cradled his lower back and steadied him on his feet again.
Jeongguk pressed a kiss to his temple and chuckled into the soft hair there. “You’ve got nothing to prove. I’m already married.”
“Well,” Taehyung muttered, still pouting, “your husband must be a very lucky guy.”
Jeongguk smiled and his expression softened. “Oh, it’s the other way around, trust me.”
Taehyung looked up at him. “You’re so cheesy.” He was now tearing up.
“Only for you.”
They stood there a moment, giggling. But then Jeongguk gently nudged them toward the couch again. “Come on, bar guy. Let’s sit before you go into labor mid-skit.”
“Rude,” Taehyung murmured, leaning his weight into Jeongguk as they made their way back. “But fair. My ankles are starting to hurt.”
Jeongguk had decided that now that he worked from home, he would try to help Taehyung with as many things as he could. So he cooked for him, and he also picked him up from school. He loved that little time they spent together, because they always loved to blast some music in some sort of improvised karaoke on their way back home. But today was different because he was gripping the steering wheel nervously, making his knuckles turn white. The bell had just rung, and children came rushing out in waves, their little backpacks bouncing, their laughter bright in the warm spring air. And then there was his boyfriend. Taehyung. Stepping out from the building with his usual elegant fits that Jeongguk loved, smiling down as two students clung to each of his hands, reluctant to say goodbye. He crouched to help one of them tie their shoes, and Jeongguk’s heart clenched. Because he wasn't the only one watching.
A small group of parents, mothers, sure, but also a few young dads, loitered by the gate, clearly waiting, clearly watching him. Jeongguk caught the glance of one man in particular. The way his eyes traveled down Taehyung’s figure. The way he nudged his friend and tilted his chin toward him with an unmistakable smirk as they ogled him. Jeongguk swallowed. He gripped the wheel a little tighter.
He didn’t want to be that boyfriend. The jealous, brooding, possessive type. But he wasn’t jealous now; it was just that the pang in his chest was undeniable. A dull, aching sort of thing. Not because he thought Taehyung would ever look back (never, in fact, not for a second). But because he couldn’t be the one to look at him in public like that. Couldn’t pull him close. Couldn’t kiss his cheek proudly after a long day. Couldn’t mark him with a simple, easy gesture of love the way he wanted to. And he hated how most men, who would then probably make a homophobic joke at the dinner table, just stared at Taehyung so lecherously. While his Taehyungie wasn’t even aware of it!
He just waited behind the wheel, in the safety of tinted windows, watching as his world shone just outside his reach. A few minutes later, Taehyung waved goodbye to a couple of parents and jogged toward the car. His cheeks were flushed when he slid into the passenger seat, exhaling in relief. "That was chaos," he grinned. "The kids made me play freeze tag again. I swear I’ve sprinted more this week than in my entire life.”
Jeongguk smiled faintly but didn’t meet his eyes right away. Taehyung instantly noticed it. “Hey... what's wrong?”
There was a beat. The soft hum of the air conditioning. The sound of distant children yelling.
Then Jeongguk exhaled, almost sheepishly. “Just... saw how people were looking at you.”
Taehyung was confused for a second. “What do you mean?”
“I mean...” Jeongguk’s fingers played with the seam of his jeans. “Some of those guys. The dads. They were looking at you. Like they wanted you.”
“Oh,” Taehyung said, eyes widening. “Guk-”
Jeongguk laughed under his breath, but it was tight. “No, no, Tae, I’m not mad at you. I could never. I just... wish I could hold your hand in front of them. Or kiss your cheek. Or do something, anything, to show our love off." He finally glanced over. His eyes were a little too shiny, and his voice was a bit lower. “But I can’t. Not here. Not without possibly risking your job or everything for you.”
Taehyung’s heart twisted. Without saying anything, he reached across the console and took Jeongguk’s hand, threading their fingers together and squeezing tightly. "Jeongguk," he murmured, "it’s because you love me so much that you hold back. That’s the most heartbreaking and beautiful part of all this. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone,” Taehyung continued. “I know you are mine. I know I’m yours. Every single one of my heartbeats, every step, every breath, it’s for you. And only you.”
Jeongguk looked at him then, fully. He really wasn’t expecting that. The light from the sunroof haloed Taehyung’s face, making his brown eyes glow. “I just get insecure sometimes,” Jeongguk admitted. “I look at you and think, how did someone like me end up with someone like you?”
Taehyung gave him a small smile. Then they leaned forward, gently pressing their foreheads together.
“I ask myself the same thing every day,” he whispered. “You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever known. So kind. So thoughtful.” For each word, he kissed Jeongguk’s knuckles. “And for the record... You’re still the only one who gets to see me naked, Gukkie.”
Jeongguk let out a half-laugh, half-whimper. “Lucky me,” he said truthfully.
Taehyung pulled him into another kiss, and they interlocked their tongues together for a few minutes before Jeongguk turned the radio on and another karaoke session followed as usual.
Week 27
Dear Seol and Yul,
You are the size of a cucumber now, according to this pregnancy app I have on my phone. You know? Let me tell you a little secret: Appa never really liked those. Some of the examples are a bit ridiculous. And you two are my little babies, not fruits. You are also not so little, you don’t feel like that to me. You are almost weighing 1 kilo each! That’s such great news! That means you are growing strong. Thank you for all the hard work you’ve been doing to prepare for the day we meet. I’m also doing my best. Let’s continue trying our best together.
Adoringly yours,
Appa.
Taehyung’s stomach was really big, and he constantly felt like the babies were really heavy against his lungs, his ribs, his spine and obviously his belly. So Jeongguk was incredibly nervous about going through with this job offer. It was an easy shoot, of a sunny vineyard wedding in the countryside, at the outskirts of the city, not that far from their neighborhood. Jeongguk had been asked to record a short, documentary-style video for the couple. And they had asked him to make it very romantic. His favorite thing. But he was incredibly nervous because he had to leave Taehyung alone with Sarang, and if he were to go into labor, in the worst case scenario, he wanted to make it back in time.
So when the older man had assured him that he was feeling much better that weekend, and that he could accompany him to the shoot, Jeongguk breathed a sigh of relief. Besides, this was the perfect opportunity for Taehyung to have a short road trip with Jeongguk again, reminiscing on the old days back at university when that was “their thing.”
Now at the wedding ceremony, Taehyung mostly sat beneath the tented catering area, shaded and snacking. He had been feeling extremely hungry these last couple of weeks. So he had the whole dessert table near him now, to snack to his heart’s content. He had also made friends with the catering staff, who kept checking if he needed more ice water. He politely told them he was okay every time. And kept staring at his beautiful husband in action. Unlike him (who was wearing his pregnancy pants and a white long-sleeved shirt - an outfit that Jeongguk still thought he looked like a model in), his husband blended with the guests because he had come properly dressed for the event. He had a black button-up shirt and fitted dress pants. He looked so hot. And to Taehyung, he was the incarnation of sexiness.
Jeongguk, on his part, was amazed at how quickly Taehyung made friends, as the married couple already adored him and found him endearing, just by meeting him for a few minutes backstage as they were giving directions to Jeongguk about how and when to shoot. Then again, it was his Taehyungie he was talking about. Of course he was a charmer. Unlike him, who was still having trouble shooting some of the guests, because a group of young girls who seemed to be in their early twenties (friends of the bride, Jeongguk guessed) was currently clustered around him.
Taehyung was halfway through his second fruit tart when he noticed them annoying Jeongguk. At first, it was harmless, as they only complimented his camera or asked him a few questions about lighting (for some reason). But Taehyung had been with Jeongguk long enough to notice his husband already fidgeting.
Jeongguk, ever so kind and shy, tried his best to deflect their advances. “Oh, I’m actually married.” “Oh, my husband’s here too.” “Oh, I have a daughter and twins on the way.” Still, the smiles didn’t fade. One of the women leaned closer, twirling her hair on her finger. Another laughed at something Jeongguk hadn’t meant as a joke.
So Taehyung stood up with some difficulty, adjusted his shirt over the top of his belly, and walked over to them. He slipped an arm around Jeongguk’s waist and shifted slightly so his round belly pressed forward like a badge of authority. “Jagiya,” he said warmly as he approached, “you forgot your water bottle.”
Jeongguk turned toward him, visibly relieved. “Thanks, baby.”
Taehyung smiled at the women, his eyes gentle but unmistakably territorial. His voice was sweet when he spoke, but the subtle arch of his brow was saying something different. “Weren’t you just asking if he was available? Because he isn’t. At all. As you can see, we’re expecting our second and third child.”
Jeongguk quietly sipped his water bottle. Taehyung leaned closer to him, and his hand stroked his hair. “He sings to my belly every night,” Taehyung continued with faux serenity. “And just last week, he helped me cry through heartburn.”
Jeongguk cleared his throat, trying not to choke on laughter.
“He also makes love to me,” Taehyung said, voice dropping ever so slightly, “like I’m still twenty and weightless and not currently waddling everywhere.”
The group of girls nodded stiffly, backing off with a flustered smile. “Of course. My bad,” said one of them, the one who had asked if he was available.
“No harm done,” Taehyung said sweetly. “I was letting him work, but I figured I should rescue him before someone mistook his gentleness for availability. But thank you for noticing what a catch he is. I do try to remind him.” He rested his palm atop his belly, rubbing small circles.
The group laughed nervously as they eyed his belly. Jeongguk hid his grin behind his hand. And as they wandered off, Taehyung turned to him. “Are you okay?”
Jeongguk nodded, though his cheeks were pink. “Thank you for saving me.”
Taehyung shrugged, smoothing Jeongguk’s collar. “You are my man, afterall.”
Jeongguk pulled him closer, careful of the bump between them. “You’re so hot when you get possessive like this,” he whispered.
Taehyung jokingly growled back at him. And Jeongguk shook his head, amused, as he saw him walking back to the tent, focusing his gaze on his husband's deliciously perky ass. Oh, they'd have so much fun after this...
Jeongguk had probably felt this nervous three times in his life. The first one was when he came to Seoul, all alone, and terribly missing his family. The second one was when he first confessed to Taehyung that day at the train station. And the third one was now, parked right in front of his boyfriend’s childhood home in Daegu. Taehyung had driven them there and now had his hand wrapped tightly around Jeongguk’s. The younger man’s knuckles were white from how hard he was gripping back, but neither of them let go. Taehyung had already told his parents weeks ago that he’d like them to meet someone special. They’d said “of course” without hesitation. But still... the weight of the moment sat in his chest.
The memory of the day he came out to them was fresh in his mind. He was only seventeen. He had been sitting at the kitchen table, as his fingers played with the edge of a placemat, and he asked casually (or at least tried to) “what would you do if, on any given Sunday, I were to bring a guy home as my boyfriend?” His father had looked at him. His expression was unreadable for a second before he broke into a soft smile. “I would cook for you,” he’d said. “I’d try, at least... though my food isn’t as tasty as your Eomma’s.”
That answer had been enough to make Taehyung’s throat burn with tears. It was one of the many reasons why he loved his parents so much. And why he dreamed of being a dad like his father.
But this moment was different. This was him actually bringing a guy home as his boyfriend, on a Sunday. And it was not just any guy. It was Jeongguk. His wonderful, precious, pretty, perfect Jeongguk, standing beside him, with his hair tied back loosely, his tattoos peeking out from his sleeves, and his eyes darting nervously as they walked up the path to the front door.
Inside, the smell of his Eomma’s kimchi jjigae filled the air. His Appa had kept his promise, and was at the table peeling fruit, looking up the second they stepped in. His smile was wide, and he didn’t hesitate for a second before walking over. “So this is Jeongguk,” he said warmly, as if they were already old friends. “Come in, come in. We’ve been waiting for you. Taehyungie talks about you all the time whenever he calls me on the phone. I really wanted to meet the famous Jeongguk.”
Jeongguk bowed politely, very shy now, but Taehyung felt the way his hand squeezed his just a little harder. His Eomma appeared from the kitchen. Taehyung looked a lot like them both, having her mom’s soft features and his dad’s charm. She had her apron tied around her waist, and without a word, she pulled Jeongguk into a hug, making his shoulders loosen instantly. “Hi Jeongguk. I’m so happy we finally get to meet you.”
For the rest of the afternoon, they ate, laughed, and talked like it was the most natural thing in the world. Taehyung caught Jeongguk leaning back in his chair once, looking around at the room with a quiet, almost disbelieving smile, like he couldn’t quite believe this was his life now. And for Taehyung, who had long stopped expecting this kind of ease from family after his siblings had turned away from him, it felt like a healing wound finally stitching itself closed.
When they left that evening, his Appa called out after them. “Next time, Jeongguk-ah, I’ll make the meat spicier. I heard you like it that way. And I know Taehyungie doesn’t, so I’ll indulge you.” He winked.
Taehyung laced their fingers together again as they walked to the car. “Told you they’d love you,” he murmured.
Jeongguk glanced at him with a shy grin. “I think I love them too.”
Taehyung softly ruffled his hair and could not look at this man beside him and not picture their whole life together.
Week 28
Dear Seol and Yul,
I’m finally in the third trimester! I’m really excited as I count the days that are left before I can finally meet you. Will you recognize our voices? I hope that when you get placed on my chest (our first ever hug outside the belly!), you can recognize my heartbeat. I imagine that moment almost every night. Your Papa and I also talk a lot about what kind of dads we want to be for you. And we agree that we want to be the best ones for you. We promised to give our best for you. We won’t be perfect. But I’ll always ask you what you would want for me to make you the happiest. And I hope to always be able to deliver that for you. I love you with all of me, as y ou, my dear girls, were made straight from your Papa’s and my heart.
All my love forever,
Appa.
Taehyung was sure that the second trimester did not exist for twin pregnancies. There was a first trimester. An alleged second trimester that felt like a third trimester. And the second third trimester. He had started the third trimester, and somehow he felt like it was a third trimester 2.0. He was big, big now. And he didn’t walk anymore. He waddled everywhere, with his belly pressed forward like it was declaring itself before he could, stretching his skin taut, pulling on his spine and his hips. Every step felt like walking uphill underwater.
And he knew better than to look at online forums of parents of multiples, where other pregnant people literally described their twin pregnancy as “getting hit by a truck every night: no energy, back pain, rib pain and tight muscles, not being able to walk, and...” Enough... He wasn’t going to be the one to disagree with them since he was feeling that way too, but he didn’t want to feel more miserable reading the endless threads on Reddit. Especially not when it was his birthday. Albeit a different one this year, with two babies wriggling around his belly. So he blocked his phone and set it on the nightstand.
As soon as he did, he felt chubby little hands all over his face. Sarang. His precious little daughter. She had come to wake him up. And next to him, his husband was adoringly staring at him. Seeing Taehyung’s wide, heart-shaped, boxy smile endeared Jeongguk so badly, that he leaned down to kiss him. Soft, but also hungry, just how Taehyung liked it. This year, he decided to have a private celebration, just with his husband and his daughter. His cellphone was blown up with messages, yes. But these two, and the two babies in his belly, were the only people he wanted to spend his time with right now. Besides, he was saving all his energy for the big celebration that was upcoming in just three days, Sarang’s birthday.
That night, once Sarangie was asleep, worn out from the day, Taehyung stood slowly, pressing a hand to his back with a small groan. Jeongguk reached out before he could say anything. “Dance with me.”
“In this body?” Taehyung laughed. “You’ll have to carry me.”
“I would,” Jeongguk said, pulling him close. “But not tonight.” He wrapped his arms around Taehyung’s waist, one hand low on his back, the other resting protectively over the curve of his stomach. They swayed, slowly, in the middle of the living room, to no music at all, just the noise of their barefoot feet against the rug.
Taehyung leaned into Jeongguk’s chest, eyes closing, as his belly hung low between them. “I used to imagine this. You. Home. Babies. Love. I used to pretend it could all be mine if I just wished for it hard enough. Turns out all this time it was just on its way to find me.”
Jeongguuk softly lifted Taehyung's chin to make their gazes meet, and kissed his husband’s forehead.
Jeongguk had spent all night taping every single one of his daughter’s art pieces to every wall and door he could find in their house, which had become the exhibits of a very special art gallery: Sarang's Masterpieces, as the sign over the entryway proudly proclaimed. Sarang had been pouring her little heart into a new masterpiece each day for the past two weeks. This is why Taehyung was way more excited about her birthday than he was about his own. This meant a lot to her. Watching her creativity unfold on canvas had been so fun for an art lover like him. Her imagination was so beautiful to him. This moment was exactly the type of memory he had dreamed of giving Sarang. She was vibrating from excitement in front of the door, waiting for her birthday guests to arrive. Her tiny red beret laid crooked on her head.
The first ones to arrive, punctual as ever, were Jeongguk’s parents, who came all the way from Busan. “Come see this one!” she squealed, leading her Halmeoni and Harabeoji toward her rainbow scribble titled Me and My Baby Sisters. They could barely say hi to their own son, who was now following them around with his camera in hand, as Sarang guided them around the “museum.” His bunny smile never faded, not even once, as he watched his daughter glow with joy. He loved the way her dimple peeked out when she grinned just like his own did when he smiled, and the way she spoke with her hands just like Taehyung did.
Later, after dinner and games and a surprise video from her friends, it was time for cake. Everyone gathered around as the lights dimmed. Her friends, her grandparents (Jeongguk’s parents), and her uncles (their university hyungs, Taehyung’s teacher hyungs, Jeongguk’s friends). The cake was pink and purple, covered in frosting flowers and one large sparkler candle in the shape of a number four. Taehyung stood behind her, one hand on her shoulder. He couldn’t believe his first baby was now turning four years old. Jeongguk held his phone to record as he asked, “what are you going to wish for, birthday girl?”
She scrunched her nose thoughtfully, then closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and whispered something only the candle flame could hear. Then she blew it out in one go as the room erupted in applause, startling her a little bit, as her eyes went wide, and she looked just like Jeongguk. Taehyung loved her so, so, so much.
Later, as her Appa tucked her in bed and kissed her forehead, he asked her gently, “do you want to tell me what you wished for?”
Sarang smiled sleepily, pulling her plush bunny closer.
“I wished my baby sisters are never scared,” she whispered. “And that I can always make them laugh. Even when they cry.”
Taehyung's eyes filled with tears. He pulled her closer as much as he could with his belly in the way and whispered into her hair. “You are full of so much love, Sarangie. And you deserve all of it, too.”
It had been autumn, a chilly night, and the seventh anniversary of the first time they met. Taehyung was outside of the fine arts building, waiting for Jeongguk. His professor had asked him if he could showcase one of his short films for his exhibition at university, and Jeongguk was of course honored to. And now his boyfriend was inside, talking to some important people, taking pictures with some professors, and chatting away with the younger film students. He couldn’t believe some people were now addressing his Jeonggukie as “hyung.”
He had dressed nicely. For the occasion, but also for something very important he was planning for the night. He was wearing his favorite fancy light brown suit, with the fancy light brown waistcoat under it, and his fancy rich mahogany loafers. But now he wasn’t feeling so fancy, as he was fidgeting with the sleeve of his suit. Just inches closer, inside his pocket, was the tiny velvet box that had been possessing his every thought for the past month. He stared at it, between his hands, and couldn’t believe he was actually going to do it. Just thinking about it made him really nervous.
Inside it, a simple silver band rested. He had had that ring for a month now, and he carried it around inside the box everywhere he went. Because he couldn’t afford to leave it at home and for Jeongguk to accidentally find it. His idea of the perfect romantic proposal would be ruined.
He kept caressing the ring with his thumb and noticed he was slightly trembling. Slightly, but he couldn’t stop. And he knew that, yes, technically it was very ridiculous to be this nervous because it was Jeongguk he was talking about. Of course he’d say yes! But he still couldn’t help it. Exactly because it was Jeongguk he was talking about, he wanted the moment to be perfect.
“Tae?”
Taehyung jumped at Jeongguk’s sudden sweet voice behind him, nearly dropping the ring. He turned, wide-eyed, and saw him walking towards him under the orange-tinted lights around campus. He then proceeded to panic and fumble with the ring and the box, trying to hide it before his boyfriend (and future fiancé, fingers crossed) could see it.
“Oh, beautiful young man, would you follow me down this path, to a land of intriguing adventures and romance?” Taehyung started.
Jeongguk chuckled, knowing his skits all too well. And took his hand. “Of course, handsome gentleman. Where are you taking me?”
Taehyung didn’t answer and just walked hand-in-hand with him, past all the familiar places they had spent years in. Until they were finally there. In front of THE windowsill where it all started. Jeongguk smiled softly at it as his fingers grazed it with so much love. This was where he and his Taehyungie had first met, after all. Jeongguk owed a huge chunk of his happiness to it.
“Oh, this place br-” Jeongguk turned around and Taehyung was already down on one knee, right in front of him.
“Jeon Jeongguk, will you marry me?”
Jeongguk was frozen. His big doe eyes were set on Taehyung and didn’t move one inch away from his face. And then, he started crying. As his vision blurred with his tears, he let out a half-sob, half-laugh. “Of course, Tae. Of course I accept.”
Taehyung was crying, too, as he pulled Jeongguk into his arms, holding him close and tight. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” Jeongguk managed to say, and then he was smiling again, wrapping his arms around Taehyung’s waist.
Taehyung stepped back a little bit later so he could take the ring out of the box. Jeongguk immediately extended his hand towards the older man and held his breath as the ring slipped on his finger. He admired the silver band wrapped around his ring finger, and he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He quickly lifted Taehyung off the ground and started spinning him as they hugged. “I love you so much.”
Taehyung giggled as the wind kept blowing his tears away. “I love you too.”
Week 29
Dear Seol and Yul,
Today we had a little scare. I thought you two were coming early. Please don’t get me wrong! It’s not that Appa doesn’t want to meet you. I just want to hang out with you a little longer. Just the three of us. Stay in there just a little longer, alright? The world out here is big and loud. Let me finish painting it safe for you. Were you scared today, girls? Appa was scared too. Hospitals are so, so scary. I don't like bright lights or all the beep-beep-beep sounds. But when I felt you move, you told me you're still here. Thank you for being strong, Yulie and Seolie. I'll be strong too, for you. For all three of us.
Loving you with all my heart,
Appa.
Taehyung had woken up for like the fifth time that night only. His face twisted in pain as a sharp cramp stabbed through his thigh. He reached instinctively for his leg, trying to stretch it, but he could barely reach with his big belly on the way, and it only made the knot worse. He bit down on a wince, not wanting to wake Jeongguk, again. But his husband, of course, was already moving. He hadn’t even opened his eyes fully, but his hand reached out with sleepy precision, lifting the blanket and settling beside Taehyung with the familiar, deft precision of someone who’d done this a hundred times before. His hands were warm and strong, pressing gently into the tight muscle.
“Shhh. Breathe for me, baby. I’ve got you,” he murmured, his voice rough from sleep.
Taehyung exhaled and clutched the sheets as Jeongguk worked on the cramp. The pain slowly ebbed away, replaced with the dull, lingering ache of his overworked muscles.
“Better?” Jeongguk asked, rubbing slow circles on the inside of his thigh now, where the pain had crept upward.
“Mmhmm,” Taehyung managed to breathe out, his breath finally evening out. “Much better. Thank you.”
Jeongguk pressed a kiss to his knee, then sat up with a stretch and a groggy sigh. “Alright. You rest. I’ll get breakfast started. Do you want eggs? Or maybe that toast you like with-"
“Jeongguk,” Taehyung interrupted him softly, his hand catching the younger man’s wrist before he could fully rise.
“What?” Jeongguk asked, looking down at him.
“Go back to bed.”
Jeongguk hesitated. “No, I’m okay. I can-”
“You’re not,” Taehyung said gently. “You think I don’t notice? You’ve been waking up every time I move. You're not sleeping, baby.” Jeongguk looked like he wanted to protest again, but Taehyung just ordered him to lie back down, without using any words. “I can handle breakfast. I’ll grab something on the way or eat in the lounge. But you need sleep.”
Jeongguk’s shoulders dropped. Taehyung reached up and smoothed back his hair, letting his fingers linger at the nape of his neck.
“I love that you’re taking care of me,” he whispered, thumb brushing along Jeongguk’s jaw, “but I need you to take care of you too.”
There was a beat of silence, Jeongguk’s gaze softening in the early light. He leaned down and kissed Taehyung, slow and quiet, like a promise. Then, with a reluctant sigh, he slid back under the covers. Taehyung tucked him in carefully, pulling the duvet up to his chest and kissing his forehead.
“Sleep,” he said firmly, lips brushing Jeongguk’s temple. “I’ll text you when I get to school.”
Jeongguk was already dozing off again, but his hand reached out blindly, catching Taehyung’s fingers before he drifted, holding them like a lifeline. Taehyung stood a few moments longer, watching him breathe, heart full despite the dull ache still in his thigh. Then he carefully slipped into his oversized coat and boots, grabbed his school bag, and went to wake Sarang up.
As he waited for her to get ready, he sent a quick message to the group chat he had with his teacher friends.
🐻 Taehyungie: craving tteokbokki, but not the spicy kind, just the one from that place near the Han River. Remember? with cheese. And the tiny sausages. Please 🥺
He then helped Sarang put her scarf on by the entrance door, but she was really cranky that morning, as it was the end of the Christmas break, and she wasn’t ready to go back to kindergarten yet. “I don’t want to go back to school, I want to stay here with Papa and you, Appa,” her tiny voice protested.
“But baby, aren’t you excited for all the things you might learn today?” Taehyung put her knitted beanie with the bunny ears on her little head.
“I already know twelve letters, Appa, and I’ll leave some for the other children,” she pouted. Taehyung couldn’t help but to pinch her tiny cheeks. And as they stepped out into the snowy morning, leaving the house with the soft rhythm of Jeongguk’s sleeping breath behind, Taehyung firmly grabbed her hand.
All the way to school he kept feeling really strong Braxton Hicks contractions, but just breathed through them as usual. They were getting stronger, though, and whenever he was standing, walking or sitting for too long. It felt like his body was protesting at him.
He waddled to the teachers’ lounge and was immediately reprimanded by his friends upon arrival, who begged him to sit. Sunghwan even asked him “are you sure you’re not going to pop right here at the teachers’ lounge?” And Taehyung just rolled his eyes, with a smile on his face.
When Wooshik held up the still-warm container with the tteokbokki he had requested, Taehyung felt like crying. He was so hungry. He reached for it with the biggest pout he could muster. “You didn’t.”
“We did,” Seojoon said, smug. “You were the one who texted like a damsel in distress, and what? Did you expect us not to deliver? Pass this to the baby,” he asked Sunghwan, handing over a pair of chopsticks.
As he ate, with his feet up on the cushion, his friends chatted around him about work, about stories from students, and he felt lighter, at least in that moment.
That wouldn’t last for long, as he started feeling really, really painful contractions. On top of that, the babies were moving so strongly that he felt like his organs were being pummeled, which was also making him nauseous. So he didn’t even make it to class, as he had a terrible scare in the middle of the hallway. The next few moments blurred. He felt arms around his waist, a hand at his elbow, someone lowering him gently to sit against the hallway wall. “I’m okay,” Taehyung kept repeating. His voice felt distant even to his own ears.
“You don’t look okay,” he recognized Hyungsik’s voice. “Just stay still.” His friends were once again to his rescue. Wooshik dashed off to get some water while Sunghwan peeled off his jacket and folded it as a cushion behind Taehyung’s back.
“Did you hit anything? Any pain?” Seojoon asked him as his eyes scanned him from head to toe.
“No. Just dizzy,” Taehyung whispered. “I didn’t fall. I promise.”
Immediately, they called Jeongguk. He was editing at home when he got the call from Seojoon. He answered on the first ring. He passed the phone to Taehyung, and Jeongguk was instantly aware of his weak voice over the phone. “Tae?”
“I’m okay,” Taehyung said quickly, already sensing the panic in Jeongguk’s voice. “I just- I got dizzy. I didn’t fall. The hyungs are here with me.”
“I’m coming there, baby, okay?” Jeongguk said. “Don’t move. I’ll be right there.”
By the time Jeongguk arrived, Taehyung was sitting in the nurse’s office, sipping warm tea and wrapped in a soft blanket over his legs. The moment their eyes met, Taehyung’s composure cracked. “I didn’t fall,” he kept repeating. He said it again to Jeongguk, but his lip trembled this time.
Jeongguk was beside him instantly, cupping his cheeks. “I know. I know, baby.”
“But I almost did. And I thought...what if something happened to the babies... because I was careless? And...”
“Hey. Breathe.”
Taehyung pressed his face into Jeongguk’s shoulder. “I’m so scared, Jeonggukie,” he whispered.
“I know,” Jeongguk murmured. “But I’m here. You’ve got me. We’ll go to noona, alright? She’ll make sure the babies are safe, okay?”
Jeongguk drew them as fast as he could to Jieun’s clinic, and on their way there, he kept hearing Taehyung talking to the babies, desperate. Jeongguk just gripped the wheel and kept his eyes on the road.
As soon as they got there, Taehyung was wheeled to Labor & Delivery (which freaked him out even more), where Jieun was already waiting for them. She checked his vitals, and ran a quick scan. Jeongguk held his hand the entire time. And when the monitor filled the room with the fluttering rhythm of the two tiny hearts he desperately wanted to hear, steady and strong, Taehyung closed his eyes and let the sound wrap around him like a blanket.
“They’re doing beautifully,” Jieun said. Her focus was concentrated and her expression was very sombre. “Both of their heartbeats are stable and there are no signs of any stress whatsoever.” Jeongguk kissed Taehyung’s knuckles, not taking his eyes away from the screen where he could see both of his daughters.
After she turned off the monitor, she turned to Taehyung, and he could see she was really worried. “You, on the other hand, are running low. On hydration, on energy, maybe sleep too.”
Taehyung exhaled. “That makes sense.”
“Taehyung,” she gently touched his shoulder. “You need to slow down. You’ve been amazing, being a working father, while being literally pregnant with twins. But your body is begging you to rest. You don’t have to do it all.”
He nodded, his eyes prickling with tears he didn’t want to shed. He knew she was right. But they really needed the money, with two babies on the way and a toddler. And Taehyung felt like he was abandoning his students otherwise. But this really scared him. He felt guilty that he had put his babies in danger, even though none of this was his fault since he would never put any of his babies’ in harm’s way.
He felt Jeongguk’s hand squeezing his fingers gently. “She’s right,” he said. “I was trying not to push you. I know how much you wanted to go back to school, to do everything... but I’ve been scared, too.”
Taehyung looked at him, lips trembling.
Then, Jieun spoke. “You’re building two people inside you, TaeTae. That requires a lot of your energy, and it demands a lot of rest. So please take care of yourself, and these babies.”
He took this as his sign to take paternity leave. It was long overdue.
The living room was a mess. They were starting to put some pictures in frames (of their family, some with their friends, many from their wedding day, and some they had taken of each other recently). Taehyung had his back to Jeongguk, and he could see he was fumbling with something in front of him. When he turned around, Taehyung had a pillow under his shirt, bulging like a cartoonish baby bump. He stood dramatically in front of his husband, with one hand on his back and the other cradling the lump.
“You did this to me, Jeon Jeongguk,” he declared in a mock accusatory tone, voice pitched like he was in the middle of a tragic drama. “I used to have abs. A waistline.”
Jeongguk laughed with amusement all over his face, and scrunched his nose, completely endeared by his adorable husband and his silly skits.
Taehyung turned to him, dramatically waddling across the room. “I can’t see my feet and I can barely bend down,” he pouted.
Jeongguk dropped the frame he was holding and came over behind Taehyung, wrapping his arms around his fake belly, resting his chin on his shoulder and patting the pillow belly lovingly. “How far along are you again?”
“Eleven months.” Taehyung said it seriously, never breaking character. “Triplets.”
Jeongguk snorted, pulling him down onto the couch. The “baby” (or “babies” in Taehyung’s mind) pillow shifted sideways, and they both burst into laughter, tangled together in the couch. They stayed there for a while, until it felt like they had spent all their laughter quota, as it was now fading into soft giggles, and then into a warm kind of quiet.
Jeongguk reached out and ran his fingers lazily through Taehyung’s hair. “Tae, is there something you want to tell me?” he asked softly.
Taehyung looked up at him. “What do you mean?”
“Well, the baby skits. The way you beam whenever we see the neighbor’s kid and they let you hold him. The way you linger in the baby aisle at the supermarket.”
Taehyung opened his mouth, but quickly closed it and bit his lip.
Jeongguk smiled, gentle and knowing. “And how you are constantly showing me videos of cute babies doing random things.”
Taehyung’s ears turned bright red. “I just think those were cute...”
“And how you’ve been eager to babysit for some of our friends lately.” Jeongguk’s voice softened even more. “You don’t have to say anything. I just... I’ve noticed, Tae.”
Taehyung sat up slightly, and the pillow fell to the floor, revealing just him, a little more serious now, a little more exposed. “I didn’t mean for it to be so obvious.”
“It’s not a bad thing.” Jeongguk nudged his knee gently. “You don’t have to hide wanting this, we’ve talked about it many times.”
Taehyung was quiet for a moment. He picked at a loose thread in Jeongguk’s hoodie. “It started as a joke. You know? The skits, the baby talk... but I think I was trying to see how it would feel. Saying it out loud without really saying it.”
Jeongguk didn’t say anything. He just listened to him, as he always did. Exactly why Taehyung felt so safe with him.
“And it felt good,” Taehyung continued, more certain now. “Not just as a fantasy. Not ‘one day when we’re steadier.’ I think I’m ready now. For real.”
Jeongguk’s heart swelled, but he kept still, letting Taehyung have the space to finish.
“I want to be a dad, Jeongguk. I want us to be parents.” His eyes searched Jeongguk’s, vulnerability all around them. “Do you still want that with me?”
Jeongguk reached out and held his face gently in both hands.
“Taehyung,” he whispered, voice full of quiet emotion, “I’ve only ever wanted that with you.”
Taehyung then lunged himself at Jeongguk, wrapping his arms around his neck. And kissed him, slowly, then more passionately. “I love you.”
Week 30
Dear Seol and Yul,
These days, I see you everywhere. In the tiny shoes lined up by my classroom’s door. In the soft, round cheeks of my young students. I also see you in the way the wind brushes the swings back and forth on the playground, as if rocking an invisible cradle. In the smell of freshly sharpened pencils, because I imagine you both bent over a desk someday, scribbling your first letters, maybe with your little tongue poking out as you concentrate. I think of you when I see the tiny clouds in the morning sky. I think of you when I watch the rain, wondering if you’ll be the type to dance in it or run for cover. I think of you when I play music, imagining your little hands clapping to the beat. We’re getting closer to the day when I’ll see your faces, hear your voices, and hold you in my arms. Until then, know that every corner of my life has your names written all over it.
Always yours,
Appa
He was so glad he had decided to take paternity leave. His hips were sore. His back was sore. And he felt an overwhelmingly heavy feeling in his belly at all times. But what else was new?
Today, though, it was his last day before going on paternity leave, and he was so excited because his hyungs had told him that they had prepared a surprise for him. As soon as he stepped through the school gates, it began. "Mr. Kim!!" one of his first-graders squealed across the playground, abandoning the sandbox she had been so focused on just seconds ago. She raced over to him, with her arms full of a wrinkled paper fan she'd "decorated for the babies." "It's cooling magic!" she said solemnly, fanning his belly with intense focus.
Taehyung laughed, touched. "My babies are very grateful. They said, 'Aaah, much better'."
Then, hand-in-hand with this little girl, he entered inside, and he saw a trail of construction paper hearts leading to his classroom door. Each one had a note scribbled in crayon: "We'll miss you, Mr. Kim!" "Tell your babies I said hi!!" "Come back with THREE kids!! (That's A LOT!)" "I hope your tummy feels better. My mom said twins is HARD." He stood in the hallway for a long moment, with his hand over his mouth, and his eyes already shining, until the little girl tugged at his arm, to follow her inside the classroom.
The moment he entered, he felt the twins shifting inside him at the sound of an unchordinated chorus of excited voices shouting, “Congratulations, Mr. Kim/Appa!” Some of his students still called him Appa accidentally every now and then, even though they were not his children. So that blended with the "Mr. Kim" in the group of voices.
There were paper banners with hearts and tiny stars on his desk, as well as a cake with pastel icing. And in the middle, standing proudly, there was a small paper crown. Made of gold paper and puffballs. A note beside it said: “For Appa of the Year .” Taehyung stood there looking at all their bright faces, and for a moment, every child reminded him of his three babies. Of the way they laughed, the way they tugged at his sleeve to get his attention, the way their eyes sparkled when they handed him the little cards they’d made. He thought, "one day, my girls will smile like this. One day, they’ll hand me their drawings with sticky fingers and proud little grins."
Taehyung teared up more than once that day, overwhelmed by all the support around him that he needed so much. In the tiny hands that had offered him cookies, in the smile on his hyungs' faces, in the steady chorus of little voices that were now surrounding him and saying: "Mr. Kim, don't leave us!" It was so hard saying goodbye to his kids, but when the final bell rang, and one of his students hugged his belly and whispered, "tell the babies I can't wait to meet them," Taehyung closed his eyes and smiled to himself. "I will."
When Jeongguk picked him up that day, he smiled upon seeing the paper crown still perched on his head. Taehyung leaned into him, feeling his smell. Jeongguk had said there was a surprise waiting for him back home, so he was already anticipating it the whole ride. Once there, Jeongguk took his hand and guided him through the long hallway, past Sarang’s room, where she was peacefully sleeping, past his office to the left, and past their room to the right, at the end of the hall, the room that had been a storage space once, full of canvases and camera equipment and laundry that never made it into drawers, was now fully decorated. There were floating shelves lined with baby books and plush toys. Two cribs, side by side, each with a delicate mobile dangling above and nameplates on their sides. Yul and Seol. On the wall opposite the window was the painting they had made together: swirling shades of yellow, blue, lavender, their daughter’s fingerprints forming tiny blossoms in the corners.
Their big sister was all over the room. She had gifted two of her bunny plushies to her baby sisters and now said plushies were comfortably seated in each of the cribs. Jeongguk had also hung all of the little drawings Sarang had made for him, that were on a corner of his desk, now adorning her baby sisters’ room.
And the rocking chair in the center of the nursery was the one they used when Sarang was just a baby, now standing solemnly in the middle of the two cribs. Finally he was able to prove Taehyung wrong about why exactly they needed to keep so many baby clothes from when Sarang was a baby, as they were now safely arranged in the drawers. It's like Jeongguk had always known they would be having twins. So from the first moment Sarang had grown out of an item, he kept it and meticulously categorized baby and toddler clothing (by actual size rather than what was said on the label) and then neatly sorted them into boxes ready for their next baby... that turned out to be two!
Taehyung covered his mouth with one hand. His eyes were flooding instantly. “You did all this?” he whispered, turning back to his husband.
Jeongguk shrugged and shyly nodded. Taehyung was usually the one who took care of things like this, since he had actually taken a course in interior design. But he had been so exhausted, growing two babies, that Jeongguk wanted to surprise him by taking care of it all himself.
Taehyung crossed the room. His fingers grazed the soft blankets, the nightlight shaped like a bunny, the nameplates on the cribs. He lowered himself into the rocking chair with a trembling exhale. “This is real,” he said.
Jeongguk kneeled in front of him. “It’s always been real. But now it’s close,” he smiled up at his baby.
Taehyung pressed Jeongguk’s hand to his belly. The babies moved under Jeongguk’s palm. And he took it as Seol and Yul loving their future room.
There were boxes of all types of sizes, colors, brands of pregnancy tests scattered all around the bathroom floor, where they were both now sitting. Some of them had two lines on them, some of them said “Pregnant” on their little screens. Taehyung was sure that there was a baby on his tummy. He was pregnant.
Jeongguk was sobbing, his camera (which had been recording their reactions earlier) was now turned off in a corner of the bathroom, near the bathtub. His head was resting on Taehyung’s shoulder and the last pregnancy test they had taken was held in his trembling hands. “Is that...?”
Taehyung nodded, with a hand over his mouth.
“Our daughter.” Jeongguk murmured.
Taehyung turned his head to him and looked him in the eyes, kissing his lips quickly after.
He had stopped doubting Jeongguk’s dreams a long time ago. So many of them had been on point in the past to an uncanny level. If he somehow knew they were having a daughter, then a daughter it was. And every time Taehyung thought about it, he started crying again, his back now pressed against Jeongguk’s chest. His body moving with each one of his inhales and exhales.
They were going to be dads. To a little girl. And she would be a little bit of him and a little bit of Jeongguk. And who knows what she was going to be like? Taehyung was sure she was going to be the sweetest, the smartest, the coolest. He couldn’t wait to get to have conversations with her, and get to know her as a person.
Week 31
Dear Seol and Yul,
It’s Papa writing to you this week. Appa said I could take over because... well, I think he knew I needed it. I really love you so much, and I want to tell you that you are worthy no matter what. Don’t let the pace of this world dictate your worth, ever. Don’t do it like Papa. Lately, I’ve been feeling very anxious. I feel like I’m always running but is never fast enough. I’ve felt like this most of my life. I want to do my best to take care of you, to work hard and still be there for your big sister Sarang, and to prepare everything before you arrive. But it’s so hard, too, seeing your Appa so uncomfortable lately. His body is working so hard for you, and I can’t take away the aches, the pressure, or the sleepless nights. I know he doesn’t like sharing that over here, to you, but I hope you understand my feelings. I wish I could carry some of the weight for him. I would, in a heartbeat. But then, I feel you move, I see the way he smiles when you kick, I hear Sarang talking to you like you’re already here, and I remind myself that this is so worth it. Every late night, every moment of worry, every “what if” in my head... it’s all for you. You’ve already made me want to be better. For you. For Taehyung. For our family. My dear babies, please always remember that you will always have my arms to rest in, my voice to sing you to sleep, and my heart to come home to.
Counting the days until I meet you,
Papa.
The house was quiet. Too quiet, Jeongguk thought, as he sat at his desk with his editing software pulled up and the soft hum of the computer as his only companion. It was nearing 2 a.m. He was once again staying up late to keep up with everything he had to do. The cursor blinked on a frame he’d been stuck on for twenty minutes, but he hadn’t moved. He looked at the mess of tabs that he had opened. He had so many, that he couldn’t even tell what they even said. Some of them he didn’t even remember why he opened in the first place. He knew there was one with the twins' nursery layout, something he no longer needed. Another had a forum post about premature twin births. Another one was about sensory toy reviews for toddlers. His eyes flickered between them all, a tangle of tabs and guilt and worry that only grew heavier the longer he sat.
Behind him, the baby monitor glowed faintly. Sarang had woken up twice already, once asking for water and another time because of a bad dream. He had gone each time, gently rubbing her back, whispering soft reassurances until she melted back into sleep. Now that Taehyung had started his paternity leave, he needed uninterrupted rest, and Jeongguk was determined to protect it at all costs.
His leg bounced under the desk, on the chair band Taehyung had bought for him.
He hadn’t responded to any texts that evening either, not out of avoidance, just... he couldn’t find the words. His brain was loud in ways he couldn’t silence. The worry wouldn’t stop stacking, folding in on itself like the piles of unfolded laundry in the hallway. Every little unfinished thing felt enormous and it was coming back to haunt him. Sarang’s shoes needed to be replaced. The twins’ baby monitors hadn’t even arrived. He hadn’t sent out his invoice for the last video edit.
What if the twins came early? What if they came now? What if Sarang felt like they were not paying enough attention to her once the twins got there? What if he ruined this?
His hands trembled. He swallowed down the lump in his throat. “Just a few more edits,” he whispered to himself. “Just finish this, and tomorrow you’ll-”
“Jeon Jeongguk.”
Jeongguk jumped like he’d encountered the worst jumpscare of his life. He swiveled his chair around to find Taehyung in the hallway. He was wearing one of Jeongguk’s oversized sweatshirts, stretched tight over his belly, and he had one hand on the wall and the other holding a water bottle. His eyes were dark with concern, and something else that sent a little thrill of panic through Jeongguk’s stomach: irritation. Taehyung and him never fought. So the least he wanted, and needed, right now was to make his pregnant husband mad.
“Baby,” Jeongguk said quickly, trying to disarm him with the softest voice he could muster, “you should be in bed, I was just about to-”
“It’s two-thirty in the morning.”
Jeongguk gave him his biggest eyes. “I was just-”
“Editing again?” Taehyung stepped closer, his voice gentle but firm. “You promised. You said no more late nights. No more all-nighters. Jeongguk, you're running yourself ragged.”
“I’m fine,” Jeongguk replied too quickly, already pushing his chair back to stand, like maybe he could wrap Taehyung in a hug and it would all dissolve. “Really. I just wanted to finish this for the client, and Sarang woke up twice, and I-”
“Jeongguk, stop.” Taehyung rarely raised his voice. In fact, he never did. And even now, it wasn’t loud, but stern, and it cracked something right open in Jeongguk.
He crumbled back into the chair, burying his face in his hands. “I’m trying,” he said, voice muffled and shaking. “I’m trying so hard, Tae. But everything’s piling up. I haven’t even finished editing this video, and I...” His voice broke. “I keep reading things online about twins coming early, and I don’t want you to stress or do too much work. I don’t know if I can keep all of you safe.”
Taehyung’s face softened immediately.
Jeongguk went on in a rush, like he couldn’t stop once he started. “And Sarang... I’m scared she’ll feel forgotten. Or replaced. And what if I’m not enough? What if I can’t be what all three of them need? What if I’m not good enough as a dad for them? You are such a great Appa, and then there’s me...”
Taehyung crossed the room in two slow, achy steps and eased himself into Jeongguk’s lap, not graceful, not easy at all, not when he was this big and heavy. But determined. Jeongguk froze, worried about how this position could affect Taehyug, about his aching husband, but Taehyung cupped his face between his hands. “You’re not alone, Jeongguk,” he whispered. “You have told me this whenever I also felt scared about the twins. Remember?” He kissed his cheek. “And you’re doing more than enough. So much more.”
Jeongguk felt tears starting to fall before he could stop them. Taehyung wiped them away with his thumbs, soft as feathers. “You think I don’t see it?” Taehyung asked, nose brushing Jeongguk’s. “You take care of Sarang, and me, and the babies, and every part of our home, without a single complaint. You carry everything, Gukkie. And I love you for it. But we’re in this together.”
Jeongguk’s hands gripped Taehyung’s thighs like a lifeline. “I just want everything to be perfect,” he admitted.
“It already is,” Taehyung replied, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Because it’s you. You’re what makes this perfect.”
Jeongguk managed a soft, wobbly smile. “You called me by my full name, not in a silly way.”
Taehyung tilted his head, playfully stern. “You deserved it.”
“Can you call me it again?” he asked, nuzzling into Taehyung’s neck with a dramatic pout. “It’s kinda hot when you’re mad at me.”
“You’re ridiculous,” Taehyung muttered, but he was already laughing, breathless and warm and his.
Taehyung led Jeongguk back to their room by his hand. They fell asleep curled up together. Taehyung’s hand rested over his belly, and Jeongguk’s hand rested over his.
They would be okay.
Because they always had each other.
Taehyung was once again lying against Jeongguk’s chest. It had been his favorite position since forever. But especially now that he was pregnant. He could feel the warmth of his husband’s chest pressed against his back. And Jeongguk could rest his chin on his shoulder and look at Taehyung’s stomach from there. He had his hands splayed over the swell of Taehyung’s belly, tracing lazy circles in time with the occasional kick from within, lulling Taehyung to sleep, alongside the soft rain tapping over their roof.
“She’s been so active today,” Taehyung murmured, smiling sleepily. “Maybe she likes the rain.”
“Or maybe,” Jeongguk teased, his voice low and fond, “she’s just excited because she knows her Papa made pork belly for dinner for her Appa.”
Taehyung chuckled, tilting his head so his nose brushed Jeongguk’s jaw. “You think she can actually taste what I eat?”
“I don’t know,” Jeongguk said, his eyes fixed on where his hand rested. “But I know she feels it when you’re happy.”
For a moment, they stayed quiet, listening to the rain and the soft rhythm of each other’s breathing. Then Taehyung spoke again, almost hesitantly. “We still haven’t chosen her name.”
Jeongguk hummed. “I know. We’ve been calling her ‘baby’ for months.”
Taehyung smiled at that, but his voice softened. “This will be her name forever. The name she will be known as. This is how her friends, her loved ones, us, are going to call her by. It’s no small task to choose it. I want her to hear it and feel loved, before she even understands what love is.”
Jeongguk thought about it for a moment, his thumb brushing against Taehyung’s skin. “What about Sarang ?”
Taehyung’s breath caught. He shifted slightly so he could see Jeongguk’s face again. “Love?”
Jeongguk nodded. “It’s the first thing I felt when we found out about her. And it’s the only thing I want her to carry with her, no matter where life takes her.” His voice dipped lower. “She’s... our love made real.”
Taehyung’s eyes now stinged as he bit his lower lip. He reached for Jeongguk’s hand and pressed it firmly against his belly. Just then, they both felt the baby kick again. “She likes it,” Taehyung whispered, tears in his eyes but a smile blooming across his face. “ Sarang . Our Sarang.”
Jeongguk leaned forward, kissing Taehyung’s temple before whispering softly toward the curve of his stomach, “Hi, Sarang. This is Papa. We can’t wait to meet you.”
Taehyung closed his eyes, holding onto Jeongguk’s hand and the steady rain outside, feeling their daughter’s tiny movements between them as if she already knew her name and was claiming it for herself.
Week 32
Dear Seol and Yul,
You know, before your sister was born, I used to wonder how I could love someone I hadn’t even met. But from the moment I heard her heartbeat, my love for her never stopped. And it’s the same for you two. I love you already. So, so, so, so, so much. I’m really, really excited to meet you two. But wait. Just a little longer. Let's be strong together.
We love you.
Appa.
Taehyung was HUGE and impossibly heavy. He was never this big, not even on the last days of his first pregnancy, and he had carried Sarang to term, a few days overdue. These days, his every step hurt, because, aside from the sharp pain he could sometimes feel on his hips, he felt like he was walking with two heavy bowling balls on his front. So the belly belt Jeongguk had bought for him, and that he wore to work, became his biggest ally.
He truly could not imagine how much bigger he could get in the next few weeks he had left of his pregnancy.
But he still wanted to maintain the illusion, mostly to himself, and for his ego’s sake, that he was “a pro at being pregnant,” and would not let this pregnancy humble him. Even when the pain made him cry randomly in the middle of the day, Taehyung was an active person after all, and a social butterfly, so he kept hanging out with all his friends, even if it was through video calls, because apparently if he stayed home for more than a week, he would wilt away dramatically. And he kept going to the gym, like he used to go before they started trying for a second baby, to keep his body active for what he was planning.
Oh, yeah... That.
He had spent weeks researching different birth plans before finally settling on a home birth. And Jeongguk had been helping him with planning for different eventualities. He had never been too fond of hospitals and didn't really like the idea of being confined to a bed in a small room for hours on end. He still remembered how scared he felt when he gave birth to Sarang at the hospital, how he didn’t feel safe until he had her in his arms. He much preferred being in the comfort of his own home, with the one and only person he always needed to be safe, Jeongguk.
But he hadn’t told this to Jieun yet. Not because he didn’t trust her. No. She was one of his closest friends, who had been there during what he considered one of the hardest things he had to do in his life: giving birth to Sarang (even though this pregnancy was getting closer and closer to stealing that top spot). But that’s exactly why he hadn’t even hinted at his desire for a home birth because he didn’t want to make her feel like she wasn’t able to make him feel comfortable at the hospital. This has nothing to do with her or her professional capabilities, but more so with Taehyung’s growing desire to have his girls at home. The least he wanted was to hurt his friend who had been nothing but supportive of his decisions during this pregnancy thus far. So he was determined to bring this up during their next appointment in a few hours.
So he still kept his body active, doing some light swimming and yoga at the gym, because he really needed the strength to give his best on that day. But lately it was getting harder to keep the whole ego situation at bay, when everyone from the staff to his gym buddies, who loved to have him around, commented on how ready to pop he was, genuinely fearing for their Taehyungie and his poor hips. And his Jeonggukie... ever so precious, always so supportive, had been going with him to the gym to be there in case he needed anything. Although that day he couldn’t stay because he was helping his brother out with some errands he needed to run in the city. So he dropped Taehyung off at the gym and promised more than twenty times that he would be there to pick him up and go to the appointment together.
And there he was. He got snacks, Taehyung’s water bottle, and the heating pad waiting in the car for him, just in case. Taehyung laughed softly, breath fogging in the winter air. “You’re treating me like I’m about to climb Mount Everest, not go to a check-up.”
“Well, lately my heart can’t tell the difference,” Jeongguk laughed, although Taehyung knew there was some truth behind his joke. He had noticed lately how tightly Jeongguk's fingers gripped his own whenever Jieun turned on the doppler or placed the ultrasound wand on his belly. How it seemed like he was holding his breath until the very last second before she confirmed the babies were okay. His baby was scared too. Not outwardly, but Taehyung knew his husband better than anyone else, just like Jeongguk knew him.
The screen blinked to life with a fuzzy image of their daughters. Jieun grinned. "Look at the chunky monkeys.”
Taehyung’s belly shook with laughter after she said that, startling her. He loved the nickname and apparently the girls did too, as they started painfully rolling around him.
Jieun gave his arm a gentle squeeze and resumed her examination, moving the doppler around with a deep concentration frown in the middle of her eyebrows. “Head down, and already squabbling for space. Strong heartbeats, and good fluid levels. You're doing great," she said finally, smiling.
Jeongguk exhaled beside him, finally calmed with the confirmation that his daughters were alright.
"But I can see the fatigue, TaeTe, it’s only natural," she said gently. "And the swelling in your feet? Have you been elevating them enough?" she asked Taehyung, but was now looking at Jeongguk.
So Jeongguk nodded immediately. The way Sarang used to nod when she was excitedly showing something she had made. “I put a pillow fort under his feet every night.”
As Jieun was cleaning the gel off his stomach, Taehyung spoke timidly. Jeongguk gently squeezed his hand. “Noona... can I ask you something kind of serious?”
“Of course.”
He looked at the ceiling. “I’ve been thinking... about a home birth.” She didn’t answer immediately, so Taehyung continued. “I know it’s not traditional. And I know it’s... complicated with twins... But I just... I keep thinking about how scared I was during Sarang’s birth. The lights, the people, the pressure. It all felt too much for me. And now... I want to feel safe the whole time, not just at the end. And if possible, I want to feel safe with you there,” he added sincerely.
She nodded, slowly, turning off the doppler. “I’m really glad you told me that,” she said, smiling at him, wiping the gel from his belly. “Home births aren’t right for everyone, but I know you, Tae. And if it’s what you need to feel grounded and safe and in control this time, then I’ll do everything I can to make it happen safely.”
His eyes watered with relief. Of course she would be this supportive. He felt silly for even being anxious about hurting her. He was full-on crying again. The second time on this day only, the first one being when they had to drop Sarang off at kindergarten in the morning.
“But only if it’s safe,” she added. If at any point it becomes even slightly risky, we’ll transition back to the clinic. Deal?”
He nodded, wiping his eyes with the outer part of his wrist. “Deal.”
She moved to her desk and pulled out a folder, spread some papers on it: checklists, risk factors, emergency plans. "We'll need to be sure the twins are positioned well, that you're healthy, and that we have my whole team there, as well as rapid hospital access just in case."
Taehyung nodded, holding both of Jeongguk’s hands firmly as he carefully helped him stand up from the examination table. Even little tasks like those were getting harder to do for him these days.
She approached the couple and smiled up at Taehyung. “You are brave. You are strong. And you’re already giving these babies the most beautiful, peaceful welcome just by being who you are.” She looked up at Jeongguk, next to him. “Besides, you have the best man to keep you company through it,” she winked at him.
Taehyung’s voice broke. “Thanks, noona.”
“Always, TaeTae.”
By the afternoon, Jeongguk had gone to cut some fruit in the kitchen for all four of his babies’ snacking needs, when he instantly heard giggles coming from the living room. When he walked back, balancing the tray with fruits and a glass of water for Taehyung on his hands, his heart could not take the sight in front of him, attacking him with too much cuteness.
Taehyung lay reclined on the couch, eyes closed, his big belly bared and completely covered in those 3D puffy stickers they had bought for Sarang some time ago. Meanwhile, she sat beside him like a small nurse, placing a yellow heart onto the lower left side of his belly. “What...” Jeongguk smiled at her. “What happened here?”
“Seolie and Yulie are talking to me!” Sarang said excitedly. She was starting to get used to their names and Taehyung loved that she could already tell which side each twin was on, by their movements. “Each time they kick Appa’s tummy we have to mark their kicks so they know they’re doing a good job!”
Jeongguk chuckled, setting the tray down on the coffee table. “Smart. But we’re gonna run out of belly space.”
Taehyung now opened his eyes again, stretching one arm over his eyes and groaning playfully. “There’s still plenty, believe me.”
Jeongguk leaned down and kissed one of the stickers, a puffy yellow flower right over Taehyung’s navel. “Good job, Seolie,” he murmured right above his skin.
Taehyung peeked from under his arm. “You believe in the sticker system now?”
“I believe in the Sarang system, ” he turned to wink at his little girl.
Sarang beamed and added one final sticker, a shiny gold star, right over Taehyung’s heart. “This one’s for Appa,” she whispered, very serious now. “Because he’s doing the most work. ”
Taehyung’s lip wobbled and he felt the twins moving again. Strong, present, and taking Taehyung’s breath away, both figuratively and literally.
Half an hour later, after Jeongguk had gently removed each sticker from his belly with a warm washcloth, Taehyung leaned down to cup Jeongguk’s face in his hands and pulled him into a kiss. “I love you so immensely,” he breathed out, once they separated.
Jeongguk looked at him with a soft smile. “I love you, too,” he rubbed at the sides of Taehyug's stomach, right in between them. “Forever.” They both felt the girls kicking under Jeongguk's palms.
Taehyung was bouncing on the birthing ball in the nursery, with one hand on his lower belly, and the other holding his phone. “I swear,” he mumbled, “if this app compares her to one more fruit, I’m deleting it for good.”
Jeongguk looked up from the floor, where he was folding tiny socks into even tinier sushi-roll shapes. “Well, those apps kind of always do that, no? What is it this week, baby?”
Taehyung squinted at the cheerful pastel-colored screen. And started reciting in an exaggeratedly cheerful tone. “Week 38: Leek. Tip: Be patient! Labor could start any day now! Your fruit salad is almost ready!” He stared at it for a full five seconds and then launched the phone (gently) into the blanket pile beside him and let out a long, tortured groan. “I know! I can feel her weight. And Sarang is not a fruit, Jeongguk. She's my baby. And I want to meet her now! She’s been the size of fruit for months now. I’ve lived through kiwis, lemons, oranges, and pineapples. Durian, Jeongguk, durian! These apps always have the silliest fruits and vegetables I’ve never heard of. I am so done. I am beyond done. I’m burnt. I'm overbaked. I feel like a soufflé that collapsed under pressure.”
Jeongguk kissed the side of his knee. “You’re beautiful.”
“I am swollen. I am a human beanbag. I had to roll out of bed yesterday. And I sobbed over a cartoon duck in a yogurt commercial.”
“I still think that duck was brave, though. He wasn’t allowed entrance at the pond, but he still fought for his and the other little ducks’ rights to be in the pond too, like the geese were!”
Taehyung pouted. “That’s not the point! I just want her out, Jeongguk. I want to meet her. I want to hold her and cry and tell her that if they ever compare her to a eggplant again, she should fight back.”
Jeongguk came closer and rested his chin on Taehyung’s belly. “Hey, Sarangie. Your Appa is really tired. You might want to start packing,” he whispered against the taut skin.
Taehyung’s lower lip trembled. “What if I stay pregnant forever?”
“You won’t.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do,” Jeongguk said, kissing the bump. “Because you’ve been so strong and graceful, you deserve to see her now.”
Taehyung let out a laugh that turned into a hiccup that turned into a small, unexpected sob.
Jeongguk kissed him again. “She’s coming soon, Tae.”
Taehyung wiped his eyes and just nodded, silently wishing Jeongguk was right.
Week 33
Dear Seol and Yul,
Babies, today I was so scared you may come early. I know I don't usually share these types of things here, but I want to tell you about how brave and strong your big sister Sarang is. Today Appa’s belly was so so so tight that I thought you were making your early arrival. It hurt so so so bad too. But your big sister held my hand through it. And after a while, you both settled down again. And I’m so glad. I want you to “cook” as much as possible, to stay cozy and warm until you’re truly ready. Stay here with me a little longer, please? You know what, babies? I like to think you could feel Sarang’s hand through mine. Maybe her calmness wrapped around you like a soft blanket. Maybe you couldn’t wait to meet her so she wanted to be early. She is very excited to meet you too. But please stay inside for a little longer. There’s no rush. I’ll be right here, waiting with my hand over you, counting every precious movement.
All three of us love you so much,
Appa.
Taehyung was pacing back and forth in the hallway for the third time that night. He had been counting them in case something really bad happened. But so far, the Braxton Hicks he was having were the ones he’d been having for weeks now. He was afraid he was getting used to the pain. He could feel the babies’ heads and backs really low now, and he knew they were getting ready to go out. Taehyung kept walking uncomfortably in the hall, with a hand drifting over the firm roundness of his third-trimester bump. He started doing this to not mess with Jeongguk’s sleeping schedule.
However, on his fourth walk down, at first, he thought the twins were just stretching. But then, the pain deepened, so sharp, so twisting, that his breath caught, and he had to lean against the wall. "Ahh... babies... wait... wait, no no... not now..." He gripped the console table, his forehead was now damp with sweat. He threw his head back and tried to endure the contraction, even though it was getting increasingly harder to do so. At the exact same time, Sarang’s tiny feet padded from her bedroom, whimpering from a nightmare. She was determined to go to her dads’ room, but stopped when she saw his Appa hunched over in the hallway, one hand on the wall, and the other one on his belly.
“Appa...?” she whispered.
He turned, forcing calm onto his face.
“Are you okay, Appa?” she asked again, her little hand wrapping around his fingers.
“I’m okay, baby,” he whispered back. “Just... the girls are doing somersaults tonight.” But his body was trembling. And tears were close.
By the time Jeongguk appeared, shirtless and with his hair a tangled mess, Sarang was holding her Appa’s hand with wide, worried eyes. Jeongguk swept her into his arms and helped Taehyung ease down onto the couch. “Jeongguk... something's wrong... it really hurts..." His voice cracked as he was looking at his husband, desperately searching for some sort of relief. Jeongguk was already dialing Jieun without hesitation.
Taehyung's body tightened again in that moment, and tears sprung to his eyes. In his chest, the dread bloomed fast: Are they coming? Are they too early? His breath stuttered, and he instinctively cradled his belly, speaking to his babies through shallow gasps. "Shhh, babies... it's okay, it's okay, stay inside, please... Appa's here... don't come yet... it's not time... Just... just sleep a little longer, okay? Appa's okay. Don't worry about me." He gently rubbed the side of his belly in slow circles, imagining their tiny shapes curled inside.
At Labor & Delivery, the room was dim and warm. Jieun had arrived in record time. She was now placing the fetal monitoring belt over the swell of his stomach. And he could hear his babies were there, both active, both well. “You’re having strong Braxton Hicks, Tae,” she said gently, pressing along his belly. “No labor in sight yet. That’s good, yeah? I know it’s uncomfortable. But your body is practicing.”
“But what if it was the real thing?” Taehyung whispered, fear trembling in his voice. “They’re not ready yet. I’m not ready.”
Jieun smiled, brushing back his hair. “No, they’re not. And I’m happy you two came flying to me as fast as you did. It’s better to prevent anything bad from happening than for the actual thing to happen. But you are doing so good, TaeTae. And see,” she spoke, as the babies’ strong heartbeats were thumping in the background. “Your babies already love you so much that they are in the perfect position for that natural birth you want” she gently patted his knee. “Both are head down and each one of them is healthy in their own sac.”
Jeongguk kissed his forehead and held his hand through all the monitoring. Then, he got up to pick Sarang up on his arms, and now she was asleep in his chest, wrapped in her Papa’s coat.
As Jieun kept moving the wand around Taehyung’s belly, she turned to Jeongguk and smiled. “You did such a great job, Papa, handling the situation, despite the fear you must’ve felt. And that little one over there was brave too, according to what Taehyungie told me, holding her Appa's hand through the contractions."
“She really was,” Jeongguk kissed her little forehead.
Taehyung was now officially in week 39 of his pregnancy and he couldn’t wait for Sarang to be born. Not only because he was exhausted and there was no part of his body that didn’t ache, but also because he fantasized about the moment he’d get to meet her every day.
But although he was heavily pregnant, as soon as he received a desperate call from Wooshik, begging him to help him with Family Art Day at school (since all the other teachers, including their friends, had gone on vacation, and he was the only one left in charge of that), right before the Christmas break, he rushed to his friend’s aid.
He was known as the "Family Art Day teacher" at his school because he was always the one in charge of it. Every year, it was one of his favorite traditions, and he always made sure all families had a blast. But this year, the big belly in front of him was making it hard for him to commit to that. And he had already taken his paternity leave some weeks ago. “Do it for Wooshik.” He tried to repeat himself on his way to school to motivate himself to endure the day. And he reassured Jeongguk at least fifty times that he would go walking there, expecting the walk to maybe speed up things and hopefully get him into labor by that night. Wooshik also promised Jeongguk at least fifty times that he would call him if anything happened, that he would make sure Taehyung wasn’t on his feet for most of the day, and that he would take care of all the manual, hard labor. He just needed Taehyung as a sort of skydancer to entertain the people there, Taehyung had told him, teasing Wooshik.
And sure enough, mostly everyone in the class instantly beamed as soon as they saw “Mr. Kim” back. The moms were delighted and the kids were all around him, showing him their art pieces.
Unfortunately, mostly everyone... Because of course something always happened, and his biggest fears always manifested when he was least expecting them. This time, as one of the little boys was showing him the crayon-colored puppy he had drawn, one of the fathers in the room, a tall, stiff man with a deep frown, who Taehyung assumed was the boy’s father, approached his son from behind him and pushed him gently behind him.
“You’re the teacher?” he asked, almost spitting the words. “You’re the one teaching my son?” he didn’t let Taehyung answer as he spat the last question with disgust. “You’re pregnant?”
Taehyung gulped, thrown off. “Yes, I-”
“And you're a man.” The classroom quieted. A few other parents turned. And Wooshik was already on his way to punch the man if no one stopped him.
“I don’t want someone like you influencing my son,” the man continued, stepping closer. Taehyung was so familiar with the scorn on his voice. It reminded him so much of someone he had seeked the love and approval of for so long. “It’s unnatural. I send my kid to school to learn, but all they are teaching kids these days is no discipline.” He started speaking up, now that he saw he got people’s attention. “And now we’ve got... that as a teacher. My kid can’t grow up confused.”
The dehumanization with which the man was treating him knocked the air right out of Taehyung’s chest. It was not his first encounter with homophobia, not at all. Since the moment he started dreaming of being a father, since the moment he realized he liked boys, and not girls, he’d been prepared for the ignorant comments, for the whispers, for people leaving him behind, but this hurt too much. Because this was supposed to be a safe space. Because his children were starting to notice the tension, as their little hands were stilling over their drawings.
By that point, Wooshik was dangerously close to the man, and if the other parents didn’t stop him, he might lose his job for what he was thinking about doing to this man. “Hey, you...”
Sensing his friend’s anger, Taehyung swallowed hard. His hands trembled, but he didn’t raise his voice, he never did. “Sir, I won’t tolerate hate in my classroom. Please step outside.”
The man didn’t stop. “Oh, please, you think you are a real teacher? You think you're a real father? None of this is as our Lord intended. Back in my day...”
Before Taehyung could respond, a sharp voice cut through the room.
“That’s enough.” His wife spoke up. “I'm sorry, Mr. Kim,” she said quickly, her face flushed red with embarrassment. “I’m so sorry. He doesn’t speak for our family.” Then, she turned to her husband. “Leave. Now. I’m staying here with our son.”
The man scoffed, turned on his heel, but before he could leave the room, with the last of the strength Taehyung had left, he said “I’m not pretending to be anything.” His hand instinctively shielded his stomach. “I’m her Appa. And I’m a teacher. That’s all."
Wooshik then guided him to the teacher’s lounge. He gently left a kiss on his forehead and left the room. As soon as he left, Taehyung started sobbing. He hated whenever this got to him. Why did it never go away? Why could he never be fully safe? He couldn’t stand this hatred. Not when Sarang was moving inside him. Not when all he could think about lately was how to protect her from exactly all of this.
Jeongguk was there in an instant, as soon as Wooshik called him. He ran to the teacher’s lounge, and found Taehyung sitting on the couch, with both hands covering his belly, and his eyes red.
“Baby,” Jeongguk breathed, already crouching in front of him. “Hey, hey, I’m here. What happened?”
Taehyung shook his head. “Nothing... I’m okay, I’m just-”
“Taehyung. Don’t do that,” Jeongguk said gently, brushing hair from his face. “Talk to me.”
“I just...” Taehyung swallowed thickly. “He looked at me like I was wrong. Like I was disgusting. And I... I didn’t care for myself. I’ve been used to these kind of hateful comments, I’ve even heard worse things before. But now...” He looked down at his belly. “Now I care because she’s going to live in this world. This ugly, cruel, judgmental world. And what if people treat her like this? What if people make her feel ashamed? I don’t want her to ever feel like love is something she has to fight for. She is Sarang, she deserves to be loved just for the fact that she exists.”
Jeongguk’s eyes welled up immediately. He gently moved to sit beside Taehyung and wrapped his arms around him, cradling him carefully. “She won’t be ashamed,” he whispered into his husband’s hair, caressing his belly in rhythmic circles. “Because she’ll have us. She will have a home to come back to, full of love, safe, Tae.” He pressed his forehead to Taehyung’s temple. And he let the tears fall freely now.
“I’m scared.”
“I know,” Jeongguk said, kissing his cheek. “But you’re not alone in this. You have me. You have so many people that love you, too. She,” Jeongguk placed his palm over Taehyung’s navel. “She is not alone either. I promise you. When she comes into this world, we’ll remind her every single day that she was born from love. Nothing is stronger than that.”
Taehyung leaned into his husband’s arms. He closed his eyes, and placed his own hand over Jeongguk’s, feeling the warmth of their intertwined hands over his belly and Sarang’s movements beneath them.
Week 34
Dear Seol and Yul,
Hi, my dear babies. I'm so sorry Appa feels really sad today. This world can feel so scary and mean sometimes. But I promise you that I'll always work hard to make it a little softer and happier for you.
I love you with all of my heart, and no one will ever make me feel ashamed of it, because loving you has made me a better man.
Appa.
Daegu smelled like memory. And it always reminded Taehyung of his childhood and teenage years, with all the good and the bad that that entailed.
He exhaled deeply, sitting slowly on a worn bench in the corner of the park, one hand protectively curved over the swell of his massive belly. His father sat beside him, just like he had during those warm summer days when Taehyung was little, before school or after his saxophone lessons, or whenever they shared ice cream under this very tree.
They had arrived earlier than the rest of the extended family for his dad’s birthday, just as planned. Jeongguk had insisted they come early to have quiet time with Taehyung's parents, just the five of them. Just him, Sarang, and the twins nestled safely in his belly. And Taehyung always did this, coordinating his visits to not cross paths with his siblings, as they had agreed to themselves. “Is it because I’m pregnant?” Taehyung had asked his brother during his first pregnancy, when he told him the news. Since then, they started communicating even less than they did before, which was already very limited. They didn’t even celebrate their own birthdays.
And that time, he didn’t even need to hear their response to know what was meant. It was because he was pregnant. Because he was a man. Because he loved and married another man. Because simply existing was enough for his brother to turn him into shame. They've stopped talking and barely interacted (for the sake of their parents) for years, after they insulted Jeongguk and refused to acknowledge him as Tae's husband.
But he didn’t mind as much as he did before about this. In fact, he appreciated these arrangements, because they avoided conflicts. Taehyung was enjoying his family and thanks to that arrangement, he didn’t have to endure his hatred and could just fully enjoy the time he had in Daegu with his beloved parents.
Now, he was sitting at the park watching his husband run across the grass with Sarang riding on his shoulders. The toddler’s delighted squeals echoed through the park as his mother laughed behind them, trying to catch up.
“She's so happy,” his father said with a smile, eyes soft as he watched his granddaughter.
“She adores them,” Taehyung murmured, his voice quiet with emotion.
They watched in silence for a moment. Jeongguk bent low to let Sarang down, and the little girl sprinted straight into her grandmother’s open arms. The sight made Taehyung’s chest swell with so much love. His hand wandered to the crest of his belly, his thumb drawing soft circles near his navel.
“You always wanted this. Isn’t it, baby bear?” his father said gently, eyes not leaving the scene. “Even when you were just a little boy. You used to say you wanted to be a papa more than anything.”
Taehyung smiled. “I think I wanted to be you.”
That got his father’s attention. He turned his head slowly, studying his son. Taehyung looked down, fingers tightening gently on his stomach, then continued. “You always made it look like... being a father meant being a best friend. A safe person. Soft, even when things were hard. I remember thinking, ‘If I ever have kids, I want to be the kind of dad they’d run to. Not the kind they’d hide from.’ And that was you, Appa.”
His father's expression softened with something that shimmered between pride and nostalgia. “And now you are that kind of dad,” he said. “They’re lucky. All three of them.”
Taehyung blinked quickly, brushing under one eye with his knuckle. “I hope so.”
“I know so.”
There was a pause before his father glanced down at his rounded belly, still protected under his gentle hand. “Can you feel them right now?”
Taehyung’s smile twitched. “Not at this moment. They’re usually a little quieter in the afternoons... but in the middle of the night, they move a lot.”
“Does it hurt you, baby bear?”
“Now that the twins are bigger and there’s less space, yes, a little bit. But I don’t mind.” He smiled down at his belly.
“Can I...?” his father hesitated.
Taehyung took his hand silently and guided it to the side of his bump where one of the twins had just shifted, the smallest flutter stirring beneath the surface. His father's eyes widened, the same way Jeongguk’s always did, full of disbelief and reverence. His weathered hands started rubbing Taehyung’s belly in circles. “I know you say you wanted to be a dad, but being a grandpa has been so magical to me. Thanks for making me one, baby bear.”
Taehyung’s eyes filled up again. “You are the best grandpa too.”
They sat like that, his father’s hand resting gently over his grandchildren’s movements, and Taehyung leaning slightly into his shoulder.
Across the field, Jeongguk caught his gaze, lifting Sarang up into his arms with ease. His eyes softened the moment he saw Taehyung, and he smiled. That big, radiant, Jeongguk smile. Since Taehyung was wearing his prescription glasses today, Jeongguk thought he looked so much like his father.
Later in the afternoon, they came back to Tae’s childhood home, with the promise that his mom would make him his favorite strawberry juice, because he was really craving that. And Jeongguk would cook some pork belly for them. He could already feel his mouth watering at that. But he had to wait for it because none of the ingredients were available at home, so they had to go buy them at the farmers’ market some blocks away from there. Taehyung stayed behind because his huge belly would not let him waddle for more than three meters without breaking his back in half.
But the house was so quiet without Sarang’s laughter or Jeongguk’s kisses, or the sound of his parents talking to each other. So he turned the TV and put some music on. Now that his Jeonggukie wasn’t there to reprimand him for being on his feet for more than fifteen minutes, he took the opportunity and started dancing, barefooted, in the living room of his childhood home, copying some of Leslie Cheung's dance steps, although his were a lot slower and more labored than Leslie's. He swayed with a hand under his bump, caressing the taut roundness with a slow glide of his palm. The twins were kicking around and stretching his skin with their movements. His babies. His heart. He kept moving gently and smiled at his belly as he whispered, “don’t tell Papa we were dancing.”
But the spell shattered in an instant when he heard the front door creaking open. Taehyung froze mid-turn. His body reacted before his mind did. His back straightened protectively, and his arm instinctively covered his belly. Although his belly was so big that he could barely protect it. His brother’s voice rang out with an immediate chill.
“So it’s true.”
Taehyung’s throat went dry. His younger brother stood in the doorway, with his arms crossed, dressed in pressed slacks and a button-up like he had just stepped out of church. He eyed his belly with disgust. His younger sister trailed in behind, her eyes widened in surprise upon seeing him, and she clutched her bag like a shield as soon as she saw his tummy. So there it was...
The music kept playing, it had changed, and Chet Baker' trumpet was now twisting with almost painful beauty in the background. Taehyung reached for the remote, with his heart racing, and clicked it off. The silence felt immediate and jarring. He didn’t speak. Neither did they.
But his younger brother’s gaze landed on Taehyung’s stomach again. A scoff escaped him, quiet but sharp. “You are still flaunting sin like it’s something to celebrate, I see,” he muttered. “And in Dad’s house of all places.”
“This is also Eomma’s house. And my house. I grew up here.” Taehyung started walking back slowly, hand still on his belly as the twins shifted within him, as if sensing the tension in the air. “Anyways... I thought you weren’t coming until dinner,” he said, not bothering to hide his fatigue. “We usually plan it that way, don’t we?”
His brother sneered at him in disgust again. “Didn’t think you’d bring your... lifestyle into Dad’s birthday. But I wanted to see it with my own eyes. You’ve always been selfish, but this...” he stepped closer. “It’s disgusting.”
“Please don’t speak to me like that.”
His brother scoffed. “Why? It’s not like anyone else will. You think you’re brave, Taehyung.” No honorifics, it wasn’t lost on him. “But you just want attention. Always have.”
Taehyung stepped back, but not out of fear. Out of restraint. Out of every time he hadn’t said what he really wanted to. “I’m not doing this with you.”
“Of course not. You never do. You always run back to Seoul where people eat this shit up. You think you’re a role model, parading around with your boyfriend,” at least now he recognized Jeongguk as his lover, at least. “But God sees what you are doing, and he has clearly stated that marriage is between a man and a woman, as He created them. But bringing a child into this sin? And now even more? Like you haven’t embarrassed Appa and Eomma enough. You could’ve had a good life with a good woman, all the girls were after you... but you chose sin. And the worst of all is that you brought that little girl into it and will keep doing so with those two.” He pointed at his belly. Something in Taehyung broke then. “It’s still not too late to give them out to a proper family, like mine, my wife is eager to have children.”
The world stilled. Taehyung stood breathless. His fingers curled at his sides. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His brother had called him all types of slurs. But talking about his babies was a whole other issue... A storm raged in his chest. “Stop it! Don’t talk about my daughters like that!” Taehyung shouted. “Just stop!” His voice shook. He never raised his voice. He never did it until now.
The front door opened again. They all froze. Sarang’s little voice was the first sound: “Appaaaaa, I got you flowers!” Taehyung’s eyes closed and he caressed his bump, seeking comfort in his babies’ movements. And right when he opened them, there his family was. The one his brother had just disrespected. Jeongguk with Sarang in his arms, followed closely by Taehyung’s mother and father, arms full of bags from the farmers’ market.
Jeongguk’s eyes were on his husband before anyone else. And then he saw him... He remembered all the stories Taehyung told him about the guy; the quiet nights he would cradle a crying Taehyung to sleep after a visit to his family home and an encounter with this dude; how he would see Taehyung trying and failing to have a relationship with these two individuals, with this sad excuse of a man, because he thought he had to be a good hyung for them, only to be hurt every single time. He clenched his fist thinking about how much this man had hurt his Taehyung. And how he had the nerve of still doing it.
He didn’t have time to even act on what he was feeling because he saw Taehyung start feeling nauseous. His husband turned and ran. Or rather, he tried. His body was heavy, the babies slowing his every step. His heart beat violently against his ribs as nausea flooded his chest and hot tears gathered behind his lashes.
Jeongguk immediately handed the grocery bag to his stunned mother-in-law and followed him, grabbing the small pillow from Sarang’s stroller as he ran behind him.
Taehyung barely made it to the bathroom. He dropped to his knees over the small pillow Jeongguk had placed for him. His hands gripped the toilet as bile and sobs poured out of him.
“Tae... baby, I’m here.” Jeongguk dropped beside him, voice gentle but strained with panic. “I’ve got you. Shhhhh. Let it out.” He placed a hand behind his neck and softly moved the damp hair from his face. Then, he rubbed his back in slow, grounding circles.
Taehyung sobbed and vomited in waves, too overwhelmed to speak. And outside, the voices began. He could hear them through his violent sobs.
His brother started defending himself.
“Don’t you dare” he heard his Appa now.
“I’m not saying it to be cruel. I care about his salvation. That’s why I’m saying it-”
“Enough,” their father said firmly. No raised voice. He also never raised his voice. But he was undoubtedly mad right now.
“Appa, I’m only trying to-”
“Don’t finish that sentence.”
“You can’t pretend this is normal-”
“What I can't pretend to be normal is you just bursting into our house and verbally assaulting your pregnant brother. Don’t you have some shame? Not even a little bit of empathy now that he is in a very vulnerable stage?”
Taehyung clutched tighter to Jeongguk’s arm, still trembling.
“And you,” he turned to his daughter, who still hadn’t said a thing. Her eyes darted around the room, anywhere but at her father. “If you’re not going to respect your older brother and you will just stay silent as he is being abused, you have clearly picked the wrong side.”
The front door creaked open. It was safe to say that both of them (but especially his brother) were pissed. It closed hard, with a loud bang a bit after.
Inside the bathroom, Taehyung still knelt, his chest rose and fell in ragged, tired sobs.
Jeongguk wiped his face with a soft towel. “You’re okay. You’re safe. I’ve got you.”
Taehyung leaned into him, resting his forehead against Jeongguk’s chest, feeling the steady thump of the heart he trusted most. “I hate this,” he whispered, voice raw. “I hate that his words still affect me... I was happy just now...”
Jeongguk pressed a kiss to his temple, then his cheek, then his hand. “Let them watch us love louder than they can ever hate,” Jeongguk whispered.
Taehyung let out a breath. Nodded slowly.
Outside the bathroom door, his father stood silently, not daring to knock but not leaving until he saw his son was okay. His mother was crouched at the end of the hallway like she had been sitting there the whole time, her arms folded gently over her knees.
When Taehyung stepped out slowly, still visibly shaken, his lips were red from crying and his eyes were glassy and swollen. Jeongguk followed right behind him, with one hand on his back and the other one still holding the pillow from earlier. At the sight of his daughter, tucked protectively against his father’s chest, her small body curled in like she was trying to disappear, Taehyung broke down again.
A sob caught in his throat as he took one trembling step forward. “Sarangie...”
She turned at the sound of his voice, her eyes immediately filling again. “Appa...” She must’ve been so scared, so confused, seeing her Appa just running away like that, with no explanation, and then also not being able to seek comfort in her Papa’s arms because he had also left out of nowhere.
He reached out instinctively, aching to hold her, but the round heaviness of his belly stopped him. His arms couldn’t reach. He desperately looked at Jeongguk. “I can’t... I can’t hug her.”
Jeongguk stepped forward gently. “I’ll hold her,” he whispered, voice quiet and full of devotion. He walked over slowly, careful not to startle her, and her harabeoji passed her into Jeongguk’s arms. Sarang clung to her Papa first, her little fists bunching his shirt. But as soon as she was secure in Jeongguk’s arms, she reached toward Taehyung wanting to wrap her little hands around his cheeks. “You’re okay now, Appa? Babies are okay?”
Taehyung crumpled. He bent his knees just enough to lean forward, cradling her small head in both hands, his tears falling silently into her hair. “I’m okay now, baby. I’m so sorry you saw that. Appa’s okay.”
Jeongguk kissed the crown of her head, resting his cheek against hers. “You were so brave, my love.”
The house was quiet now, a gentle kind of silence that felt like an exhale. Sarang was fast asleep, her tiny body curled up in a corner of his father’s study’s old couch, one leg draped over her bunny and her thumb barely grazing her lips. Her harabeoji had drawn the curtains slightly to let the warm sunlight peek through, casting soft golden rays over the little girl’s sleeping face.
Taehyung stood by the doorway for a moment, just watching her, one hand resting on the curve of his belly. His eyes were still swollen and red from earlier, but the expression on his face was soft now, so full of a love for his daughter.
“She sleeps just like you used to,” his father said quietly from the armchair beside the couch.
Taehyung glanced toward him with a tired smile. “Really?”
“Exactly the same. Same spot on the sofa, same curled-up legs. And that same little pout when someone dares to make a noise.”
They both chuckled, but Taehyung’s eyes were still wet.
He shuffled toward the armchair across from his father and sat down slowly, careful with the weight of the twins. He let out a long breath and tilted his head back for a moment, resting.
Silence again. This time, a comfortable one.
Then his father said, without looking up from the book he’d closed in his lap, “I wish I could’ve stopped him sooner.”
Taehyung looked up at him, startled for a second. “Appa, no. It’s not your fault. I didn’t even know they’d show up so early.”
His father nodded slowly, his brows pinching together. “Still. You’re my son. My firstborn. And you were hurt... in this house. On a day which was meant to be shared with love.”
Taehyung’s throat tightened again. “I’m okay now. Jeongguk... he always helps me find the light again.”
His father’s gaze softened. “I see that. The way he ran after you without hesitation, with the little pillow...” he chuckled. “That boy, he’s... your mirror in some ways. And your protector in others.”
A silence stretched between them again, warm and full.
Taehyung reached down to rub at a sore spot low on his belly. “They kicked a lot after,” he murmured. “I think they felt the tension.”
His father frowned. “Are you feeling alright now?”
“I’m okay,” he nodded, then smiled a little. “They’ve calmed down. I think they know I’m safe.”
His father studied him for a while before leaning forward in his seat. “Hey, baby bear...”
Taehyung met his eyes.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said to me at the park,” he continued, voice low. “How you always dreamed of becoming a father.”
Taehyung smiled.
His father swallowed hard. “You are that kind of father, Taehyung-ah. Already. You’re doing it. And your daughter...” he glanced at the sleeping girl, his voice softening, “she already knows you are her safe space, her best friend, all those things you said.”
Taehyung looked down at his belly, trying to blink away tears again. “I just...” he whispered, “I don’t want them to grow up afraid of people who might want them to feel ashamed. Or scared to be who they are.”
His father reached over, placing his large hand gently over Taehyung’s. “They won’t. Not with you. Not with Jeongguk. You’ve already changed the way this family loves.”
That was when Taehyung finally cried again. “Thank you, Appa.”
His father gave his hand a soft squeeze. “You made me proud the moment you were born. And every day since.”
They sat like that for a while, the three generations under the same roof. Taehyung’s father, Taehyung, and the children of his own heart and body.
Taehyung’s hair clung to his forehead, damp with sweat. One of his hands was tightly holding Jeongguk’s. Too tightly, but Jeongguk never flinched. He stood by his side, moving his thumb in gentle circles over Taehyung’s knuckles. His other hand gripped the hospital bed’s handle.
“You’re doing so well, Tae. You’re almost there. Just a little more.” Jieun coached him through it.
Taehyung groaned, and he let his head fall back on the pillow behind him. “You said that an hour ago, noona.” He wanted to cry.
Jieun gave him a sympathetic smile. “I know I’m sorry. But she’s right there, TaeTae, we only need her shoulders to pass. Give me one more push. Just one.”
Taehyung closed his eyes and nodded, tightening his jaw. He pushed with all his might, trying to concentrate on the fact he was so close to meeting his daughter.
And then he heard it. The tiniest wail of a baby breaking through the silence of the hospital room. He allowed himself to fully sob now. He has never been more tired in his entire life. And he has never been more eager to hug someone. He couldn’t help but whine as soon as he saw a nurse taking his baby away. Jeongguk reassured him that they were just cleaning her up, but Taehyung just wanted to hold her. He had waited enough.
As soon as Jieun placed her in his arms, Jeongguk started sobbing too. “She’s here. Tae, she’s perfect. Thank you so much for all your hard work. You did so well.”
She was so incredibly tiny. Her little hands curled into fists. And Taehyung’s large hands carefully grabbed them. “Hi, Sarang. I’m your Appa. You’ve been in my mind for such a long time. It’s so nice to finally meet you. You did such a good job, isn’t that right? You are so perfect.”
Jeongguk was beside him, still sobbing uncontrollably. His eyes were wide and wet with wonder. Taehyung loved him so much. He really did. This little girl was proof of their love. And she looked so much like his Jeonggukie already. But Taehyung could only see her right then. His daughter. His Sarang.
“I talked to you every day, you know. I wrote you letters. I wondered what you’d look like, how your laugh would sound, if you'd like strawberry juice or rainy days, like me. But now you’re here. And you’re real. It feels like I’ve waited my whole life to meet you.”
His thumb stroked her downy cheek. Little Sarang shifted slightly in his chest and made such an adorable sound. It’s like she already knew his voice. As if she was waiting too.
He hadn’t realized Jeongguk had left their side. But he was immediately back with some tissues to softly clean off his face. So Taehyung turned to him and kissed him passionately. “I love you so much.”
Jeongguk smiled while they kissed. “And I love you two, too. With all my heart."
Week 35
Dear Seol and Yul,
You are so close yet feel so far from me. I want to meet you so badly. But I want you safe and strong for the day we meet. So for now, feeling your kicks (which are getting so much stronger now) makes my whole week better. Especially since you react so energetically to your Papa’s voice at night. Talking to you about his day has become his favorite bedtime activity. We can sometimes see the outline of one of your little feets, or maybe your hands. And they are so tiny. Just like your little clothes. I can’t wait for you to see the beautiful place your Papa has prepared for you. He loves you so much. Your big sister does too. And I hope you feel my love in every one of my heartbeats.
Always loving you unconditionally,
Appa.
Jieun had come earlier that day to their house with her small black bag and some spreadsheets. In preparation for the impending home birth. She listened to the girls' heartbeats, then to Taehyung's breath. She asked questions, not just about his body, but also about his mind, his hopes for this experience. She placed a hand over his belly, then Jeongguk's hand over hers. “They’re healthy. Strong. And clearly very loved.” She glanced at them both. “You’re doing beautifully, Taehyung. You’ve made space for two hearts to grow. And the good new is that you're a good candidate for a home birth," she said warmly. "But you need to rest. No more moving things around the nursery at midnight." Taehyung felt called out.
Because he was, in fact, now in the nursery again. In his defense, he wasn’t moving anything around, just resting in the rocking chair, and waiting for Jeongguk, because he was going to be hammering some more shelves to the wall.
When he came back with the hammer in hand, his long hair tied messily back, his shirt damp with sweat and clinging to his spine, Taehyung was already getting hard. And now that he was crouched on the floor with a small wrench in his hand, his brows furrowed in concentration, and the veins in his forearms flexing with every movement, Taehyung was sure that he needed some sort of release, somehow.
There were baby things all around, a lullaby was playing softly from Jeongguk’s phone on the dresser, and yet all Taehyung could focus on was him. The way Jeongguk’s black tank top slided up slightly every time he shifted his body, revealing his toned obliques. The tattoos that peeked out from under the fabric, curling like poetry over his shoulder and down his forearm. The easy power in his hands as he lifted the cribs and moved them around, and the way his chest strained against the fabric when he finally stood to stretch, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand.
Taehyung’s breath catched, and something warm pooled low in his belly, not the usual baby kicks, but something needier. Jeongguk noticed him then. “Hey, Tae,” he said, voice soft and casual. “You okay? You’ve been quiet.”
Taehyung didn’t answer. He just slowly got up from the rocking chair with a huff, crossed the room to get to him, with his eyes fixed on him, and slid his palms up Jeongguk’s sides, over his sweat-slicked skin and the soft cotton of his clothes. His hands then were fully pressed against his chest.
Jeongguk stilled. “Tae?”
“I just...” Taehyung bit his lip. “Do you have any idea what you look like right now?”
Jeongguk’s cheeks were tinted pink now. “Uh... messy?”
Taehyung leaned in, and brushed his nose against the base of Jeongguk’s throat. “Hot. Really, really hot.”
Jeongguk laughed breathlessly. “You’re the one glowing.”
But Taehyung was already pressing closer to Jeongguk from his side (since he had a massive belly on the front). His lips were ghosting over Jeongguk’s jaw, his neck, his collarbone. “You’re making me feel things,” he whispered, voice thick with longing.
Jeongguk turned around and kissed him slow and deep, with one hand sliding along his jaw, the other curving under the swell of his belly as if to remind himself, we made this. I love this. Taehyung melted into it. His fingers were gripping at Jeongguk’s back, feeling every muscle, every breath. Jeongguk got on his knees to suck Taehyung's dick then and there, because the older one was so impossibly cumbersome that he felt like he could crack in half if he were to ride Jeongguk the way he enjoyed it.
Afterward, they cleaned up quietly, laughing like when they were just two young best friends, as they straightened the baby things that got pushed aside in the heat of the moment.
Later, with the evening sun slipping low, Taehyung told him to stand in front of their bedroom mirror. Jeongguk was shirtless and his sweatpants rode low on his hips. Taehyung too, with just his red shorts on, and his tight and swollen belly hanging low in front of him. They were about the same height so this comparison game Taehyung was trying to make work was perfect because both of their stomachs were on the same angle.
“Your abs look so unfair next to me,” Taehyung pouted.
Jeongguk chuckled, gently going behind Taehyung and resting his chin on his shoulder, as he wrapped his muscled, tattooed arms around his middle. “What are you talking about? Your belly is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
Taehyung rested his head against Jeongguk’s and stared at their reflections. He focused on Jeongguk’s intertwined tattooed hands on his belly. On the names of their daughters on his knuckles. He felt like the bigger his belly was getting, the bigger his daughters' love for Jeongguk was growing. He could feel the way they moved more whenever they heard his voice. How they stayed a while longer in the spot where Jeongguk touched his belly. And Taehyung couldn’t help but get emotional at that. It was impossible not to love Jeongguk. No one prepared him for the amount of love he would feel for him, like his body was overflowing with it. “I never want to live in a world without your arms around me,” he murmured suddenly.
Jeongguk met his gaze in the mirror. “Me neither. I hope we meet in every possible universe.”
They just stood there, wrapped in each other, watching their reflection. Until Jeongguk placed both of his hands on the lower part of Taehyung’s belly and lifted it just a little bit, taking some of the pressure from it from Taehyung’s back. The older man moaned instantly, feeling like someone had taken off a huge vest made of plumb from him. He then pressed a hand to his belly, and the twins kicked gently under his palm.
Taehyung was convinced that Jeongguk was so pretty he could die. He was sure that there was not a chance that he could love him more than he already did. But somehow, seeing him holding their daughter in his arms now, he was impossibly prettier. Taehyung was a goner.
He was lying in bed. Had been for some days now since they came from the hospital, because he kept bleeding, and was still in a lot of pain. But all of that was forgotten now that he had his beautiful husband rocking his little newborn in his arms right in front of him. Sarang was making the cutest gurgling noises and hitting her Papa’s chest with her tiny fists. And Jeongguk was now happily singing to her to his heart’s content.
“You know that I’m so in love with you, right?” Taehyung asked him suddenly.
Jeongguk looked up at him, with those beautiful big eyes of his. “Huh?”
“Do you know that I love you? So, so, so much?” he repeated.
Jeongguk's gaze softened and he walked up to the side of the bed, leaning over to give Taehyung a kick peck on the lips. “Of course I know. And I love you just as much, Tae, if not more” he smiled.
With his baby holding his newly-born baby in the room, Taehyung played the song Jeongguk always sang to him in his mind.
Week 36
Dear Seol and Yul,
We’re getting so close to the day we’ll meet. I talk to you a lot about the world. About the flowers that bloom near our window. About the little noises your Papa makes when he makes breakfast and prepares the bath for me. About the little dances your big sister does whenever she is excited. About how spring is getting closer and closer, and the flowers blooming already know it. I hope you love this world. It’s not perfect. But it’s full of people who already love you so incredibly much.
Like me. All my love,
Appa.
Taehyung was well aware that he said this all the time, and somehow, it felt impossible to feel EVEN MORE HUGE than he did last week, yet here he was. Getting him out of bed required an entire operation. He had to first roll over, then lift his heavy belly off his bed and once sat, Jeongguk helped him get up, holding him by his elbows.
That day, Jeongguk had woken him up with a gentle kiss to his bare neck. Taehyung closed his eyes blissfully and let his nostrils take in his husband’s scent, the sweetest, most delicate scent he had ever felt. Jeongguk always smelled soft, like baby lotion, and cream. That was the smell of his home.
He was eager to get Taehyung out of bed that day because he had organized his entire baby shower. Taehyung had insisted on keeping it “small,” which, in his world, still meant twenty-something people. And Jeongguk invited the amount of people that fit into his husband’s idea of “small”: he invited their families, their university hyungs, his teacher hyungs, his own 97 liner friends, some of Taehyung's high school best friends, and some of his old friends from uni.
Even though it wasn’t technically spring, they were days away from it, and you could definitely feel it in the daily weather. It was warm, sunny, and there were flowers all around. So that day it was shining like it had decided to cooperate with Jeongguk’s plan of a perfect baby shower for his baby.
And baby he was. Absolutely every guest babied him that day. Starting from Jeongguk who was cooking all different things for him that Taehyung liked a certain way, like non-spicy kimchi, pouring milk for him in his cup whenever he did as much as slightly pout, cutting his meat in tiny little pieces for him and feeding him, and attentively listening to every word he said. Then again, Taehyung knew that Jeongguk did all that and more in their everyday lives, so this was no special treatment from him. Then, there were his friends, who already babied him so much, but who also decided to go full-on baby-protector mode. His teacher hyungs had showed up with matching shirts labeled “Babies Kim-Jeon Protection Squad,” even making one for Sarang. His brother had bought Teahyug’s favorite cake, with tons of cream and strawberries on top. And their university hyungs had showed up with a whole buffet worth of snacks and desserts, especially Seokjin and Hoseok, who brought a custom-made cake from their shop with the babies' names written with fondant.
Their backyard had become a dream, filled with their loved ones scattered around talking, sometimes laughing, and definitely eating. And as soon as guests entered, they were greeted by a banner that read “Welcome Seol and Yul!” hung between two trees.
Taehyung could barely move, so Jeonggukk had started taking pictures of him and all his loved ones (except for Seokjin, who apparently recently got a stomach bug and was afraid of spreading it to others, but didn’t want to miss the fun. So he came, but kept his distance), who took turns to take pictures with the bump, like it was a theme park attraction. Taehyung wanted to cry with how overwhelmed he was, filled with so much love. And with the wonderful party his perfect husband had organized for him.
However, when the sun was starting to set, and a sleepy Sarang was sitting in a little chair next to her Appa, holding his hand, Taehyung got startled awake by a scream. Then, he started seeing all of his friends running around, like they had just seen a monster. So he got up slowly and moved Sarang behind him.
“What is that?!”
Several heads turned. A blur buzzed past Seokjin’s face, darted under a table, and then Taehyung saw it as well. A giant bug who flew past him.
“A bug!!” Taehyung yelped, gripping Jeongguk’s arm like his life depended on it, quickly hiding behind his husband’s broad shoulders.
Hoseok jumped onto a bench, shrieking. Jimin grabbed a napkin and try to play the hero, but failed miserably, before immediately ducking and fleeing when the bug flew near him. Sarang ran to hide behind Hyungsik when the bug came too close to her, and he accidentally knocked over a plate of ddukbokki in his panic. And Yoongi took the opportunity to hide inside the house, and lay on the couch, as he was already a bit tired.
Taehyung’s eyes were wide as saucers. “Jeongguk. Jeongguk.” He gripped his husband’s shoulders, moving behind him like a panicked toddler. “Do something!”
But amidst all the chaos, Jeongguk just looked at the wildly zig-zagging insect with sympathy. “I think it’s just a big beetle,” he said, crouching slightly on the grass to track its movements.
“Just a beetle?! That beetle has wings and a grudge against us!”
The bug landed on the edge of the table near them. Everyone went dead silent.
Taehyung, wide-eyed and pouting, pulled Jeongguk back like a shield. “Use your muscles, Jeonggukie. End it.”
But Jeongguk just held up a hand. “No.”
“NO?!”
“He probably has a family,” Jeongguk whispered, completely serious, not trying to joke around. He stepped toward the bug slowly, trying not to scare it away, “what if he’s a dad, Tae? What if he has... twins too?”
Taehyung was stunned. “Are you being serious right now?”
“Yes. I can’t just take him away from his little beetle children.”
The whole crowd groaned, but couldn’t help laughing.
And with the gentleness of someone handling glass, Jeongguk reached out and calmly let the bug crawl into his palm. He held it up carefully and, murmuring, “you’re safe now,” as he walked to the edge of the garden. Once there, he opened his hand, and let the beetle fly off into the trees.
Taehyung stood still, watching him in genuine admiration. Then, placing a hand on his bump, he whispered to the twins: “your Papa is a better person than all of us.”
Jeongguk returned with a triumphant smile and kissed the top of Taehyung’s head. “We’re all just trying to make it in this world, isn’t that right? Even beetles,” he said to all their friends.
And while everyone else slowly returned to their seats (some still a bit afraid of a possible beetle aerial revenge), Taehyung leaned into Jeongguk’s side and took his hand to his lips.
His soft-hearted Jeonggukie.
Taehyung thought he’d be the silly dad of the two and Jeongguk swore he would be the “strict” one. But like most things in life, this didn’t work out as they thought, and he was now witnessing a whole new side of Jeongguk that he loved. Him being silly with their newborn.
As Sarang’s tiny cries broke the silence of their bedroom, Jeongguk was up before Taehyung could even register the noise, slipping out from under the blankets with a quiet, “I’ve got her, baby. Go back to sleep.” Taehyung could hear his husband's muscles cracking as he got up from their bed.
She was still so little, barely a few weeks old, so she was sleeping in her bassinet next to their bed, and not yet in her nursery. And her cries were now Jeongguk’s daily alarm. They weren’t frantic cries, just soft and urgent, announcing her hunger. And they’d stop as soon as Jeongguk scooped her up in his arms. His voice immediately dipped into the soft, playful tone he reserved only for her, from as early as when she was still in Taehyung’s belly. “There you are, Sarangie. Are you hungry again? Oh, yes, you are.”
From the bed, Taehyung rolled onto his side, and rested his cheek on his palm, watching with a fond smile as Jeongguk cradled their daughter against his chest and headed toward the kitchen. Soon, the faint sounds of morning filled their little house: the hum of the kettle, the soft clink of baby bottles, and Jeongguk’s running commentary. “Alright, Miss Sarang, the first step is warming up some milk. We can’t have you drinking it cold, no, no, no,” he said in a singsong voice. A tiny coo answered him, and Taehyung’s heart melted. He had to clutch it to stop it from beating so fast.
“And while we wait,” Jeongguk continued, “Papa is gonna make some breakfast for Appa. What should we have? Hmm... maybe eggs. Eggs are good for growing big and strong. Although you don’t need them yet, you’re already perfect, aren’t you?” There was the sound of him shuffling pans, opening drawers, and between every action, a little noise for Sarang’s amusement. He would throw an exaggerated “ta-da!” when he found the spatula, or a soft “whoosh” sound when he cracked an egg, and even a ridiculous “beep beep” as he moved her bottle from the warmer to the counter.
By the time Jeongguk padded back into the bedroom with Sarang and her bottle in both hands, Taehyung was sitting up against the headboard. “My silly baby,” Taehyung murmured, ruffling his Jeonggukie’s hair, as he settled beside him and gently passed Sarang into his arms.
Sarang’s little hands opened and closed as she latched onto her bottle, and Taehyung could swear she looked more content when Jeongguk whispered, “that’s it, baby. Breakfast with Appa and Papa. Best way to start the day.” Taehyung leaned his head against Jeongguk’s shoulder and was so happy to be loved by him.
Week 37
Dear Seol and Yul,
Today I got scared again thinking you were coming early. Am I too selfish for wanting you to go as full-term as possible? I know that there’d be no problems if you were to be born now. My belly is huge, and you both are very heavy and healthy, but I don’t know... I really want you to stay just a bit longer. Maybe you really want to meet me, and my body keeps postponing it. Today, it was just a stomach bug. But I thought it was something else, and it felt so scary. Maybe Appa sounds silly, doesn't he? But I love you. I love you so much it makes my chest feel too small. So even if I'm scared, I'll still be here. I'll always be here. Let's make a deal, okay? I'll be brave, and you just keep growing strong. We'll meet in the middle. Just you, me, and all the love in this big, weird world.
Always yours,
Appa.
Taehyung was lying in bed, surrounded by all the pillows Jeongguk always placed around him. And was so over it. There was not a single part of his body which wasn’t aching. His belly was huge, expanding out to fit over the two babies that were so close to being fully cooked inside him.
The digital clock on his nightstand was shining 3:47 a.m. The calming sound of spring rain was helping Jeongguk sleep more soundly, so Taehyung felt doubly worse when he suppressed a moan as he felt one of the babies shifting in his womb, causing another wave of nausea to overtake him.
He hated this. He hated disturbing his husband’s sleep. But he didn’t want to puke all over the bed. “Jeongguk,” he whispered weakly. “I think I’m gonna-”
Before he could finish, Jeongguk was already helping him up, wrapping a steadying arm around his back as he gently guided him into the bathroom. Again. It was the fourth time that night.
Taehyung barely made it to the toilet before vomiting again, body heaving from the effort. Jeongguk knelt beside him silently, one hand on his back, the other holding back his damp hair.
“I’m here, baby,” he whispered, voice thick with worry. “I’m right here.”
Taehyung panted when it was over, pressing his forehead against the cool porcelain. “I can’t breathe, Gukkie. They’re... they’re so heavy tonight. I feel like I’m being crushed.”
“I know,” Jeongguk murmured. “I’m sorry, baby. Let’s get you back to bed, yeah?”
He helped Taehyung stand, even though it broke his heart to see the discomfort on his face with every movement. Taehyung leaned on him, shaking slightly, his oversized sleep shirt was now clinging to the swell of his skin. The twins were active tonight, too active, kicking against each other, pressing down against his ribs and pelvis.
Jeongguk helped him into bed and climbed in after, spooning gently behind him. He slid his hands carefully around Taehyung’s belly, and started moving his fingers over it, in slow, practiced circles, to massage and soothe. The lights were off, but Jeongguk could feel how warm his skin was. His shirt was soaked through.
“You’re burning up,” Jeongguk whispered. “I don’t like this.”
“I’m okay,” Taehyung tried to say, but it was barely a whisper.
Jeongguk pulled the blanket over him, voice low and firm. “No. You’re not. I’m calling Jieun noona.”
He gently kissed the crown of Taehyung’s head, then picked up his phone and stepped into the hallway. He spoke quietly, but urgently. And as soon as he got confirmation, he started dressing Taehyung. He wrapped the older man in a thick coat, carefully helping him to his feet. Taehyung swayed, unsteady, and clutched his belly. "The babies..." he whispered. "What if something's wrong?"
Jeongguk's heart clenched. "Nothing's going to happen to you or the babies. I promise."
Little Sarang was also crying now, clutching her little bunny plushie near her. Jeongguk had woken her up and changed her into her "outside" clothes, as they had to leave her at home while they went to the hospital. "Is Appa sick? Is he going to the stars?" She had heard that in kindergarten and now she couldn’t stop mentioning it to her dads, and how scary the concept of death for his tiny toddler was.
"No, sweetie," Jeongguk said quickly, his voice trembling. "Appa's just going to get some medicine. He'll be okay."
Within minutes, they were in the car. Jeongguk helped Taehyung sit reclined in the passenger seat, wrapped in his jacket with a pillow against the seatbelt for comfort. And Sarang was now fast asleep at home, in the care of Ms. Eunji.
By the time they arrived at Labor & Delivery, Jieun was already waiting for them there, having rushed in herself in sweats and an improvised bun, her stethoscope around her neck and her face lined with concern. She reached for Taehyung the moment they walked in.
“Oh, TaeTae,” she whispered, hands brushing his hair as she helped Jeongguk guide him to the exam bed. “You should’ve called sooner. Jeongguk did so well calling me as fast as he did,” she smiled at him.
“I didn’t want to overreact,” Taehyung croaked.
“This isn’t overreacting, sweetheart.” She moved quickly but carefully. Checking his vitals, monitoring the babies' heartbeats, pressing against the bump with delicate fingers as Taehyung winced. Jeongguk sat by his head the whole time, one hand holding his, the other brushing sweat from his brow.
After a few long minutes, Jieun finally let out a soft breath. “They’re okay,” she said, looking up at them. “The babies are okay. But Tae, you are running a high fever, 39.5°C to be exact. Likely an infection, some sort of stomach bug, which is why the nausea and heat got this bad. But you’re severely dehydrated.”
Taehyung visibly sagged in relief, tears finally slipping down. Jeongguk leaned down to press his lips to his damp cheek.
Jieun winced as she saw the swell of Taehyung’s huge belly. “You’re almost there, TaeTae. But you need rest and fluids. Usually, they’d just send you home, but I’m going to keep you here for a few hours with an IV, just to stabilize things. And to be extra sure in the morning that the babies are okay, and to check their positions. Okay?”
“Okay,” Taehyung nodded, voice breaking.
As Jieun left to prepare the drip, Jeongguk lay beside him carefully on the narrow bed, holding him as if to keep all his pieces together.
“I hate seeing you like this,” Jeongguk whispered, eyes shimmering. “I wish I could carry it all for you.”
"You always take care of me," Taehyung murmured, resting against his chest. “Even now.”
Jeongguk pressed his lips to his head. "You're doing so well, Tae," he whispered. "Even when you're scared, you talk to the babies, and you calm me too. You're the bravest person I know."
Taehyung didn't answer, just clutched his hand, like that touch alone could anchor him. And maybe it could.
They were quiet for a long time after that. Jieun returned with warm blankets and dimmed the lights as she set up the IV, humming gently to herself.
That night, spent in the Labor & Delivery unit, Taehyung was combing his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair, who was now lying on his shoulder in the cramped hospital bed. But he couldn’t sleep. He was hearing the little squeaks and mewls from the newborn babies that were in the adjoining hospital beds beside them. They were, of course, separated by curtains, so he couldn’t see said babies. But all he could think about is how he had two of those inside of him right now. And soon, he would hear Seol and Yul making the same little noises. And he would introduce them to Sarang. And they would be the most cared for, the most loved, tiny baby girls.
As much as Taehyung loved to hear his tiny daughter’s sleepy sighs against his chest and to feel her impossibly tiny fists grabbing his t-shirt in the morning, he had to come back to school. His paternity leave did not cover much. And of course, even if it did, surviving without his income with a newborn was impossible. So returning to work had felt like having his heart peeled back, slowly, one morning at a time. Sarang was so small still, and he was still bleeding, that’s how little time had passed. Every morning now, leaving home felt like he was abandoning her.
He’d get through his lessons with a strained smile, holding his breath during breaks, thumbing his phone until Jeongguk’s updates came in (“she just got fed,” “she’s sleeping now,” “she smiled in her sleep, you would’ve cried”). And yes, Taehyung did cry quietly at his desk, quite often. People at school stopped asking him “how’s the baby?” after realizing the question made him burst into tears nearly every time.
And every evening, the second he stepped through the door of their house, he would drop everything and scoop Sarang into his arms, his tears falling into the soft down of her hair. He’d rock her, whisper apologies she didn’t understand, and hold her like his life depended on it. Maybe it did.
That Wednesday, he was more tired than usual. He sat in the teachers' lounge, glued to his phone between classes, waiting for Jeongguk’s text. He hadn’t replied in over twenty minutes. That was unusual. Normally, he’d text back a photo of Sarang’s funny sleeping face, or a video of her hiccuping. But now, there was nothing. No blue ticks. Just silence. Taehyung's chest tightened.
He tapped again.
[11:04 AM] “Is everything okay? Did she nap?”
[11:05 AM] “Gukkie? Are you okay?”
[11:11 AM] “I’m worried now. Please text me.”
Through class, his mind wasn’t on his kids, which was also unusual. But he kept imagining bad scenarios at home that he couldn’t be there for, like fevers, an emergency. He kept glancing at the door, hoping for the worst. Until finally, it opened.
“Taehyung.” It was Hyungsik, peeking in with wide eyes. "Jeongguk’s outside. He’s got the baby.”
Taehyung didn’t even excuse himself. He sprinted down the hall and burst through the front doors of the school, eyes darting. And there they were. Jeongguk stood by the bike racks, looking both exhausted and teary. Sarang was wrapped snugly against his chest in a pale lilac swaddle wrap, and her tiny face was barely visible over the fabric, her cheeks flushed from crying. Taehyung ran to them. “Oh, oh, my baby...” his voice cracked as he reached them. He cupped her little head, bent down and kissed her forehead, his lips trembling. “My Sarangie,” he whispered, already in tears. “Appa’s here. Appa’s here, love.”
Jeongguk choked on a breath and reached to hug Taehyung with one arm, the other protectively cradling Sarang. “She wouldn’t stop crying,” he murmured shakily. “I tried everything, Tae. I rocked her, I sang, I changed her, I walked all morning. She just kept crying. I didn’t want to scare you. I didn’t know what to do.” Tears were slipping down his soft-hearted Jeonggukie’s cheeks now too.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Taehyung whispered, brushing Jeongguk’s cheek with his thumb. Then he gently shifted Sarang into his arms, holding her against his chest, one hand instinctively sliding to check her forehead, her cheeks, her temperature. She was warm, not feverish. There were no signs of illness. She was just... sad. He kissed her again, breathing her in. Her soft smell reminded him of Jeongguk’s and the soft scents his bunny enjoyed in himself and others.
And then, softly, he smiled. “She just needed her Appa.” He kissed her again, now crying for a different reason. “Oh, I missed you too, my love. I missed you so much.” The second she heard his voice, Sarang’s tiny body relaxed. Her breathing evened out. Her fingers twitched against his chest.
Jeongguk watched, stunned. And relief flooded his features as he saw his daughter finally rest. “I couldn’t make her stop,” he whispered again, still in disbelief.
Taehyung, holding their daughter, his love, looked up at his other love. “You didn’t need to,” he said gently. “She just missed me. Like I missed her. Like I miss both of you every second I’m not home.”
They stood there for a long time, forehead to forehead, Sarang breathing softly between them. The school bell rang faintly behind them at some point, but Taehyung couldn’t move from there. He really didn’t want to, as much as he had to.
Week 38
Dear Seol and Yul,
I want to apologize to you, girls. Because I’ve been saying I wanted you to stay all these past few weeks, but now I want to see you so badly. I want to meet you already. Your Papa keeps joking that I look like a huge grumpy bear now. But I told him I’m just growing two bear cubs and I really want to meet them. I laughed alongside him. But honestly... I hope you have his heart. Please come out whenever you are ready, babies. We’re ready whenever you both are. We are all eagerly waiting for you.
With all my love,
Appa.
Taehyung’s last trimester was so hard. Even after Sarang’s birth, he was sure that this pregnancy had won the number one spot in the hardest things he had ever done in his life. He started binge watching some silly shows when he couldn't sleep and played some video games to distract himself from the pain, as distractions were the only real way he could get through it.
Now, Taehyung had managed a bath, but getting out had taken all his strength. Jeongguk had wrapped him in towels, led him to bed, and helped him lie back. Taehyung was silent. Even though it was still the afternoon, Jeongguk had invited him to cuddle and have a nap together. Jeongguk turned off the light, then turned it back on again, sensing something was lingering. Taehyung blinked once, then whispered: "I don't think I could ever do this again." Jeongguk didn't speak. He just nodded. “I'm not saying I regret it. I just... I'm so tired. I didn't know a person could be this tired."
"You don't have to do it again," Jeongguk said softly. "Not unless you want to. That's not something anyone gets to ask from you."
“The thing is, I really want to, Jeonggukie. I really want to have at least one more baby with you. But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do this again.”
Jeongguk listened patiently. It’s the best he had to offer now for his poor husband.
“Jeonggukie, I miss lying on my stomach, I miss seeing my toes, I miss eating things and not vomiting afterwards, I miss wearing my old clothes, I miss wine, so much!!” he whined. “But I feel so bad for saying it because we’ve come so far and all of us are excited. I don’t want to sound ungrateful."
Jeongguk was fully awake now, and took Taehyung’s hands in his. “Hey, don’t say that. You are allowed to feel these things. These are your feelings, no? Just like we teach Sarang about hers. Why doesn’t it apply to us adults as well?”
He was right. Jeongguk was always right.
Taehyung placed both of his hands over his massive belly and felt his daughters poking and rolling around him like they really wanted out. But he started thinking that they must be really comfortable in the womb hotel (as Jieun noona had called it) they are in, because most twin pregnancies are way over by week 38. But he was still here. Jeongguk had told him that maybe they grew so attached to their Appa, that they don’t want to leave his tummy. But that terrified Taehyung. He also wanted to be with them, to be attached even, but please outside of his belly!
And their little girl, his firstborn, his first daughter, the one who had made him an Appa, was so tremendously excited to be an older sibling. She wanted them to share a room, although they had explained to her that they are two babies and that she also needed her space, she says they are going to be her play buddies. She even took Taehyung one day by the hand to her room, to show him how she had decorated ("just like Appa does") a space for the twins with bunny plushies, and Taehyung sobbed, as he had been doing lately, but so overwhelmed by how much love his little girl already had within her.
Just one more week. He had to endure one more week. And maybe, if he was really lucky, he would have his daughters in his arms by then.
It was finally Saturday and Taehyung could spend a quiet afternoon with his baby propped up between his legs. Sarang’s tiny fists clutched one of her plush bunnies. She had been babbling all morning.
Jeongguk was at the kitchen counter, chopping vegetables for dinner, and occasionally leaning over to smile at the two of them.
“Ba ba,” Sarang chirped again, bouncing slightly against Taehyung’s chest.
“Almost, my love,” Taehyung said, brushing her soft hair away from her face. “Appa. Can you say Appa?”
Sarang looked at him, wide-eyed, as her mouth formed a little ‘o’ as she gurgled something incomprehensible.
Taehyung laughed softly and pressed a kiss to her little head. “Appa,” he repeated, slow and clear.
Jeongguk called over from the kitchen, teasing, “you’re just jealous her first word might be Papa.”
Before Taehyung could respond, Sarang blinked, tilted her head slightly, and said, clear as day, “Appa.”
The knife Jeongguk was holding hit the cutting board with a dull thud. Taehyung froze, staring at his daughter, sure his heart had just stopped. “What did you say, baby?” his voice was shaky. His eyes were already filling with tears.
Sarang grinned, in an almost gummy smile, and repeated, “Appa!” this time reaching for Taehyung’s face with both hands and kicking her little feet up and down.
“Sarang,” Taehyung whispered, scooping her up into his arms and holding her so close she squealed. “You said it... you said Appa.”
By the time Jeongguk came over, Taehyung’s cheeks were wet and his laugh was mixing with little choked sobs as Sarang patted at his face.
“First word,” Jeongguk said softly, pressing a kiss to Taehyung’s temple. “She chose you.”
Taehyung nodded, cradling Sarang like the most precious thing in the world. And she was for him. “She’s always going to be my baby,” he murmured, his voice breaking.
And Sarang, delighted with her dads’ reactions, said it again. “Appa!”
Week 39
Dear Seol and Yul,
This is it. We are going to meet you very soon. I'm so excited. I'm a little afraid too. But I know that having your Papa with me is going to give me strength. And with each push, I will think of how close I'll be to holding you in my arms.
See you very soon. I love you,
Appa.
The days had stretched longer than Taehyung expected. And there were still no signs of their daughters making their grand entrance. His belly was heavy and still. He was impossibly large, huge, uncomfortable and very much overdue (at 39 weeks with twins). He had been in prodromal labor for the last few weeks, and had weekly stress tests with Jieun and every time she would send them in their sad, disappointed and tired way, back home, with not even one centimeter of dilation. And it’s not that they didn’t try. Taehyung had tried almost everything in the books to get labor started (except for spicy foods, which he couldn't tolerate and sex, as it was extremely difficult for him now). So he started going on small walks around the park near their home, which was the only thing he hadn’t tried yet. He didn’t know if he had been so used to the pain and discomfort that he now lived with it, or what, but ever since he was able to walk more than one block without feeling like he just ran a three-days marathon, he decided to go out with Sarang and Jeongguk to see the cherry blossoms and make flower crowns. Spring was upon them and he was eagerly waiting for their “spring blossoms,” like Jeongguk had called them some months ago.
Now, as they finished another day, Jeongguk sat beside him on the bed, gently rubbing circles on Taehyung's back. "Any signs today?" Jeongguk asked softly, voice full of hope and patience.
Taehyung shook his head, a small, tired smile curling his lips. "No, but I'm not worried. I just... want to meet them." He placed his hands on his belly, fingers trembling slightly. "Hey, little ones. It's okay to take your time, but if you want to come say hello soon, Appa is ready. Your home is waiting."
Jeongguk reached over, squeezing his hand. "I’m so in awe of what you’ve done, Tae. Of who you are. Of how beautiful you look right now.”
Taehyung turned, slowly, to face him.
“You’re carrying our whole world there inside you.”
Taehyung smiled and let himself be guided onto the bed as Jeongguk adjusted the pillows behind him like muscle memory. They sat there together in silence.
Taehyung rested his head on Jeongguk’s shoulder, one hand tangled in the fabric of his shirt. “I can’t believe it’s almost time,” he whispered.
Jeongguk kissed his hair. “I’m trying not to get nervous, but it’s really hard.”
Taehyung’s voice trembled, just a little. “I’m scared.”
“Me too,” Jeongguk said.
“But I’ve never wanted anything more.” Taehyung looked up at him, with his eyes glimmering. “Do you think I’ll do okay?”
“I think you’re going to be extraordinary.”
Taehyung exhaled shakily. “I don’t think I’ve ever loved you more than I do right now.”
Jeongguk kissed him slowly, full of passion. Not rushed, not hungry. Just deep and certain, like an answer to a question neither of them had to ask anymore.
“You found me,” Taehyung whispered when they pulled apart.
“I always will.”
In the last day of possibly their last week as a family of three, Taehyung lay propped up on a small mountain of pillows, as one of his hands cradled the weight of his huge belly, and the other stroked his Sarangie’s beautiful black hair. She snuggled close beside him, her bunny, always with her, was tucked under her chin. Jeongguk had just stepped out to warm a bottle of water for Taehyung’s muscles, leaving the two of them in their familiar bubble of nighttime comfort.
Sarang was sleepy, but not quite asleep. Her eyes were half-lidded, but her voice still held that soft, syrupy tone that his daughter reserved for nighttime whispers. She scooted down slowly, resting her cheek carefully on Taehyung’s belly. Her tiny hands were splayed across the curve of it. “Hi babies,” she whispered, her voice almost reverent. “It’s me, Sarang.”
Taehyung smiled down at her, his fingers trailing gently through her hair.
“You’re gonna love it here. But not just because I have a lot of toys and Papa makes the best food and we have a big backyard, full of flowers. No, no, no. The real reason is Appa.” She patted his belly twice, as if to underline her point.
Taehyung choked on a breath immediately, as his eyes started to fill with tears.
Sarang didn’t notice. She was too busy listing off her reasons in that tiny voice that more often than not triggered Taehyung’s cuteness aggression. “Appa plays games with me. He does funny voices when he reads stories. And when you cry, he holds you really tight. Like this.” She wrapped her arms around his middle, small and gentle, even if it barely circled half his belly.
Taehyung bit down a soft laugh and let it tremble into a quiet sob that he blinked away quickly.
“Appa makes rainy days fun. He lets me paint even when it gets messy, and he lets me choose my clothes. And when you feel sad...” she paused for dramatic effect, lifting her head, “...he lets you sit in his lap even if he’s tired. And he always, always makes you feel better.” She pressed a kiss right onto his belly and then another one to his arm. She sat quietly for a moment, swinging her legs beneath her blanket. “Will I still be your baby after the twins come?”
Taehyung’s heart clenched. He set her brush down and turned fully toward her, cupping her cheek. “You’ll always be my baby,” he whispered. “My first baby. The one who made me an Appa. You’re the beginning of everything good.” She beamed at his words and reached up to hug him fiercely, her small arms barely wrapped around his belly again. “You’re going to be such a good big sister,” he murmured into her hair. “And I’m so proud of you already.”
She nodded against his shoulder, then yawned. “Can I fall asleep with my hand on your belly? So they know I’m here?”
Taehyung lay beside her carefully, letting her rest her hand over the large curve of his bump. The twins shifted under her touch. She hummed sleepily, content, and curled further into him.
By the time Jeongguk came back into the room, Sarang was fast asleep on Taehyung’s legs. Jeongguk paused at the doorway and just stood there, soaking in the picture of everything he loved most in the world, folded together in one impossibly tender moment. Taehyung looked up, eyes puffy, but smiling. “She told them all about me,” he whispered, stroking his belly.
Jeongguk leaned down, kissed Taehyung’s forehead, and tucked the blanket up over the both of them. “Of course she did,” he murmured. “She learned it from you.”
Week 40
The day before his daughters’ birthdays, Taehyung had been in bed all day. He had a feeling that, considering the fact that he was on his 40th week! Overdue! With twins! It was about time. So he told Jeongguk to take a nap and cuddle with him in case he went into labor and they needed the energy. Yoongi had also come to pick Sarang up, and for the first time, she didn’t cry when separating from her dads, because she knew that she'd meet her sisters the next time they met.
9:23 p.m.
Taehyung had just woken up from his second round of cuddles with Jeongguk, to an excruciating lower back pain. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, because his back had been hurting since the start of the second trimester more or less, but still... He waddled impossibly slowly to the bathroom to empty his bladder, washed his hands, brushed his teeth, and washed his face, before lifting his shirt to reveal the massive belly in front of him, that most likely grew even more overnight. He looked at it, almost pleading. “ Please come soon .”
He and Jeongguk had been doing the light squats that Jieun noona had told him could help make contractions more frequent, or kickstart labor for the last couple of days. So he tried to do some more there in the bathroom. And then he felt it.
Taehyung had lost his mucus plug and he was officially in labor! He got out of the bathroom with a huge smile on his face and went to wake Jeongguk up, showing him his boxers like a kid showing his Christmas present off. In a way, it felt like that to him. He had been waiting for this moment for almost a whole month, if not his whole pregnancy.
Jeongguk was still a bit sleepy, but as soon as he caught up, he called Jieun noona so she could come there as soon as possible. Taehyung got his belly between the two of them and guided Jeongguk to place both of his hands at the sides of it. Jeongguk looked down at the bump between their bodies, and was in awe of the outlines of feet and hands he could see moving around. “We’re going to finally meet you two.” Taehyung whispered into the space between them. “I’ll do my best, my darlings.”
“Hey, babies, this is your Papa, Jeongguk. I’ll do my best, too.”
“I’m counting on you, Gukkie,” Taehyung kissed his nose.
“Wow... All of a sudden I feel really nervous, Tae.” Jeongguk started tearing up.
Taehyug cradled his face between his large hands and softly wiped the tears threatening to spill with his thumbs. “Hey, hey, honey. We cannot afford to feel this way. We have to give our best, okay?”
Jeongguk chuckled. “Right.”
02:12 a.m
Taehyung was full-blown roaring through his contractions now. They were so close together that he could not catch a break, just a few minutes between them. He was now rolling his hips in the pregnancy ball in the living room, as Jeongguk applied pressure on his lower back with his magic hands. He had also inflated the pool and moved the couch out of the way so that Taehyung had all the space he needed to labor how he wished. Taehyung thought he was the most perfect, attentive husband in the world. But Jeongguk was frankly terrified, and helping do whatever Taehyung needed made him feel less useless as he saw the love of his life suffer so greatly.
Jieun had been there with them for some hours now, and had brought his trusted nurse friend, Bogum, with her. He was now sticking the doppler to his belly to check the babies’ heartbeats. Taehyung slowed his movements to let him check better, and groaned, rolling his head back as he got another contraction while the nurse checked. He moaned quite loudly through it again and had to apologize to Bogum for startling him with the noise. But they had to constantly remind him that he had nothing to apologize for now that he was literally giving birth to two human beings, completely unmedicated.
Bogum had notified them that the babies were fine, with no signs of distress, but Taehyung could not smile, as much as he wanted to, as he was working through the pain, squeezing Jeongguk’s hands in front of him.
“Ahhh, Gukkie, I...” he started, but couldn’t get any word out as the contraction wrecked his body. He was moaning and groaning loudly, trying his best to get through it, doing a wonderful job as he was praised by his husband and doctor.
Once the contraction had ended, Taehyung was exhaling heavily and the first thing he saw as soon as he opened his eyes back up was his precious husband asking him what he needed.
“I want to walk around, can you help me?” he pleaded. Both Jieun and Jeongguk helped him steady on his both feet. And the two husbands kept walking in circles in the living room, really, really slowly, every so often stopping during a contraction, when Taehyung would link his hands over Jeongguk’s shoulders and would sway from side to side until the contraction subsided.
6:23 a.m.
Taehyung was slowly and carefully moved into the birthing pool, and he felt the warm water around his belly, thighs, spine, instantly relieving. His hands gripped the sides. And he was now leaning against Jeongguk’s chest as the water egulfed them, moaning loudly in his ear. Jeongguk felt like some invisible force was torturing him, making him hear Taehyung’s suffering without being able to at least take some of it for himself too.
The contractions were now two minutes apart. But Jeongguk had tried to do anything and everything for the last almost ten hours that his baby had been enduring contraction after contraction. He tried to put on some nice music, did some yoga stretches with him between contractions. As it began to get rough, he bathed him and massaged his feet and legs. And ever since Bogum had reminded them to stay hydrated, Jeongguk took this to heart and was giving Taehyung a lot of water to drink through a straw. So much that when he puked an hour ago from the intense pain, a whole gush of water came out, which made Jeongguk so embarrassed of himself for making his baby go through that, but it only got a tired chuckle from Taehyung once he was done.
Jieun had already named him “the Husband of the century.” But none of the jokes they were making helped ease Jeongguk’s intense anxiety. He started feeling nauseous himself, constantly hearing Taehyung’s pained moans and groans, without being able to do anything to make it stop. The only thing keeping him going was the thought taht he had to stay focused to give his best for his husband. He was the one doing all the hard work. And was exhausted.
8:09 a.m.
Taehyung was now squatting in the pool, finally at the tail end of the transition stage. He was back to roaring, almost tearing his vocal chords, at the height of each contraction. “No, no, no.” At some point, he really needed that skin-to-skin contact back that he had shared with Jeongguk some hours ago, when his shirtless back was glued to Jeongguk’s bare chest. Jeongguk gently guided him back to his chest and Taehyung placed both of his forearms over Jeongguk’s, bearing down. He groaned through the pressure, as Jieun counted firmly but encouragingly through his pushes.
“Come on, Appa. Push. One, two, three... good... four, five, six... almost there... seven, eight, nine... and rest.”
He gasped, collapsing back into Jeongguk’s chest. The younger man wiped his forehead, kissing his temple over and over. “You’re amazing,” Jeongguk whispered. “I’ve never seen anyone so strong.”
“She’s crowning, TaeTae. I see just a tiny bit of black hair. The first twin, our Seolie, is right there. Let’s keep going. Let’s meet her, Appa.”
Taehyung was panting, tears clinged to the corners of his eyes. “It hurts so much. I can’t” he closed his eyes shut and was now squirming in Jeongguk’s hold.
Jieun placed a hand on his belly. “I know it does. But you’re doing it. You’re bringing your daughters into the world, and they already know their Appa’s strength. We’ll go slow. You’re in control.”
He nodded and drew in a really deep breath and went in for another big push. He kept going and going. He tried to suppress his low guttural screams but clearly couldn’t at the very end.
“Wow, Tae, the head, the head! She’s so close.”
Taehyung imagined her little hand clutching his large finger. Her laugh as she would run through the hallway to meet them in the kitchen or the living room. What kind of dreams could make her eyes twinkle. And pushed with all his might to get the shoulders, and eventually the whole baby, out.
Jeongguk was sobbing, repeating the same two words into Taehyung’s ear, as Jieun placed the tiny little baby on Taehyung’s bare chest. “ You’re amazing .” Over and over again, through his tears.
“Hi, hi, my baby. Hi, Seolie. It’s so nice to finally meet you.” His croaky voice spoke almost in a whisper. She had instantly stopped crying as soon as Jieun had placed her on his chest, which was in less than a minute. This is what he needed. The contact with his baby as soon as she was out of him.
Jeongguk ran to get the little muslins he had prepared for both of his daughters, with their dads’ smells, so they could be wrapped by familiar scents, after entering such an unfamiliar and new environment, after months of being in such a cozy place like Taehyung’s belly. He placed the soft fabric as gently as possible over his tiny, tiny daughter, and she instantly clutched it with her diminutive fingers.
Taehyung caressed her impossibly adorable cheek with his long finger. And started rocking his body back and forth in the water to rock her too. Even after she had gone to sleep, and after Jieun had taken her away for a few minutes to get her cleaned, he couldn’t let go of her. The umbilical cord was still attaching them together. And she was super glued to his chest.
Jeongguk never moved from his position either, as he was hugging both of his babies from behind. He was in total awe of Taehyung and his strength. “She was just in your belly some minutes ago, and now she is sleeping peacefully, sucking on her little thumb. This is magical. You’re so magical, Tae.”
Taehyung held Jeongguk’s jaw and brought him to his lips. “I love you with all my heart.”
8:34 a.m.
With little Seol sleeping peacefully on his chest, Taehyung started feeling another contraction rippling through his stomach. He breathed through it, but they were already really intense so just breathing was not working.
Jieun came then and removed the little baby from him, quickly cutting the baby’s cord and passing her to Jeongguk, who held her as she was the most delicate thing he had held in the world. And she was.
As Taehyung moaned through another strong contraction, Jieun had Bogum do a quick ultrasound to make sure the second baby was still head down.
She gave Taehyung a smiley thumbs up and put her hand on his shoulder. “TaeTae, would you like to move to the bed now?”
Taehyung nodded, unable to speak, and with one arm covering his eyes. Once the contraction passed, both Jieun and Bogum carefully moved Taehyung from the pool to the bedroom, as Jeongguk followed them with his wide eyes and Seol in his arms.
12:23 p.m.
As the morning turned into midday, Taehyung’s contractions were grueling. He was basically laboring all over again, doing double the work, and Jeongguk was about to pass out, seeing Taehyung back in the pool, shaking, moaning, and groaning about the contractions, in so much pain that it physically twisted Jeongguk’s insides. He was crying to his husband that it hurt and Jeongguk just sat there in front of him, holding both of his hands, and feeling awful, but trying to provide his husband with as much comfort as he could.
“I don’t think I can do this all over again.” He was crying to no one in particular.
The water moved as he changed his position to being on his knees, gripping the sides of the pool and resting his forehead against Jeongguk's, who was now out of the water. He had asked for a towel and as soon as Bogum brought it to him, he put it in his mouth and used it to cover his screams. He was pushing with all his might again, and did so for over twenty minutes, until he heard her. The soft, lighter cries of his Yul.
He collapsed in the pool. Closing his eyes and letting the baby’s cries engulf him.
After Bogum had cleaned Yul, and Jeongguk had put her tiny clothes on her, Jieun now held both babies, each baby in one of her arms. “Wow, TaeTae. I’ve never seen such big twins in my years as a doctor, delivering so many babies. You have done such a good job cooking them in there.” Taehyung was already making grabby hands towards his babies. So Jieun just chuckled and passed them to him on the bed. Jeongguk had helped him out of the pool as the babies were cleaned, and had helped him put his robe on. “Tae, these babies are almost four kilos each. Do you know what that means? You are a hero! And they were born past their due date, and through a home birth, you are so good at this!”
She placed Seol first on his chest, and when she placed little Yul next to her sister, Taehyung’s heart almost stopped as he saw Seol immediately putting her little arm around her sister’s little body, embracing her.
“This is like a dream,” Jeongguk said from his place on the bed. “You’ve just given me two babies all at once!”
Taehyung was crying too. He couldn’t imagine a world where he didn’t love his babies. “Hi, hi there, hi” Taehyung whispered, his voice hoarse from both effort and awe. "It's me, Appa. I'm the voice you've been hearing all these months. I'm Taehyung, your Appa." Seol let out a tiny, hiccuping coo. While Yul yawned. The sounds were so adorable that it made Taehyung's breath catch.
Later that day, their toddler daughter arrived home with Taehyung's parents, who had come all the way from Daegu to see him. She clutched a little bouquet of daisies in her hands (hand-picked and slightly mangled) and wore her “Best Big Sister in the World” shirt proudly. She looked tiny standing at the doorway of their room. Her wide eyes, just like Jeongguk’s, Taehyung thought, looked uncertain. She could hear her baby sisters crying softly.
Jeongguk went to her first, kneeling to her level. "Hey, baby. Appa wants to see you. And there's someone, two someones, who can't wait to meet you.”
She instantly beamed. "The babies?"
He nodded, scooping her into his arms and carrying her toward the bed. Taehyung lit up when he saw her, his smile exhausted but glowing. "Hi, my love" he whispered.
“Hi, Appa” she smiled at him. “Hi, baby sisters.” Her tiny voice melted her dads' hearts. As soon as the babies heard her voice, they stopped crying. They already recognized their big sister.
Jeongguk leaned over Taehyung, with his arms around all four of his babies, his cheek pressed against Taehyung's hair. "You did it," he murmured, his voice breaking. "They're here."
Taehyung nodded slowly as tears slipped silently down his cheeks. He tilted his head, kissing the top of each tiny crown, including Sarang’s. And whispered to his babies like he had so many times before. "You're even more beautiful than I imagined. And I imagined you every day. You, your sister and your Papa are my whole heart." He looked up at Jeongguk, who was crying openly. His best friend, his husband, his partner in life, his home. Everything he’d ever waited for... was right here. He had always been on his way to find him.