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A blare slices through the deafening silence, the reality of the situation washing over Yoshiki like a splash of cold water to the face. All that he is left with is ringing in his ears, the muted calling of his name, and sharp sparks in his veins that plead with him to run.
Unfortunately for Yoshiki, he has never been one to follow his instincts, he has always been a victim to the will of his heart. At this moment, his heart is lodged within his throat and choking him with every beat, his body’s natural instinct to pump his blood causing him to feel like he’s dying.
If he died right now, if he let himself succumb to the sick call of the beyond that has echoed since Hikaru’s passing, would he finally be reunited with his best friend? Would he be free from the nauseating reality that he would never hear Hikaru’s heart beat again? How could he be, when his own heartbeat is a constant reminder? When he had stuck his hand into ‘Hikaru’s’ chest, he almost wished he had been met with Hikaru’s organs, so that he could grasp at his heart with desperate fingers. That way he could manually pump Hikaru’s blood so it can once again circulate through his veins, forcing his body back to life. If it meant that he could have Hikaru back, Yoshiki would dedicate the rest of his years to the act.
The Hikaru that had a heartbeat is gone, but his voice calls to Yoshiki still. The voice does nothing to calm the nauseating storm in Yoshiki’s stomach, more so it adds the drum of thunder to the fray. Tears roll down his cheeks and splash into the waves crashing inside of him, the ocean made up of all the tears accumulated since Hikaru first stepped into those woods, creating a horrible cycle that only fuels the storm raging within him.
A wet tongue licking up his cheek to lap at his tears snaps Yoshiki out of his stupor, shocking him back to the reality he currently exists in. Here he sits up in the bed of his childhood room, a small surface he has shared plenty of times with Hikaru in the past. However, now something crackles between him and the being looming over him, a lust-filled tension sparking like heat lightning. Yoshiki finds he can’t bring himself to pull away, never one to be able to resist a good light show.
Red meets gray as Yoshiki’s eyes finally open, the last of his tears spilling over. ‘Hikaru’ moves to lick them up, but Yoshiki presses his hand against the other’s chest to keep him still. Yoshiki can almost feel the skin cracking under his palm, making way for his hand as his fingers mingle with the cold and goopy insides where ribs once protected a drumming heart. If he pressed harder, forced his way through the pale flesh, would ‘Hikaru’ let himself be torn apart? Yoshiki is almost sure he would, but only for the hand currently holding him at bay. Only for the one he loves, the one he worships, the one he’s devoted himself to.
Yet the skin does not tear, the pressure is not even hard enough to bruise, though Yoshiki is not certain that this body is capable of pooling blood in such a way. Hikaru’s body is undeniably a corpse, a fact further proven as Yoshiki rakes his nails down but does not leave red trails in his wake. What the act does pull out of ‘Hikaru’ is a full body shiver, his eyes dark and lidded as he chokes on the air he was trying to exhale slowly.
“You can’t feel pain,” Yoshiki finally breaks the silence, but it does nothing to break the tension still crackling between them.
“It doesn’t hurt,” ‘Hikaru’ confirms with a sigh, “feels good…”
Yoshiki doesn’t respond to that, though he’s sure the bright red of his cheeks is indication enough of what he’s hiding. In an effort to ease his nerves, he moves to pull his hand away, but ‘Hikaru’ catches his wrist.
“Wanna make you feel good, too.”
“You don’t gotta do that,” Yoshiki ducks his head down. It’s not clear how they got in this position in the first place, Yoshiki’s back pressed against the wall with ‘Hikaru’s’ knees bracketing his hips as Yoshiki’s lap is straddled. Not that it really matters at this point anyway, storms never roll in with reason or meaning.
‘Hikaru’ looks down as he bites his lip, eyes darting to different places on Yoshiki’s body where the skin isn’t covered. Wordlessly, ‘Hikaru’ leans in and presses a kiss under his eye, then another right under the spot he just kissed, then dives down to kiss a spot on his neck, then another. All Yoshiki can do is sit and try not to run away, like he always did when Hikaru got too close and too comfortable.
“What are you doing?” Yoshiki asks, voice shaking.
“You have a lot of moles,” ‘Hikaru’ observes between pecks, eyes raking over Yoshiki’s body to make sure he doesn’t miss any.
“Yea,” Yoshiki sighs, the answer to his question not really doing anything to clear his confusion.
“I like ‘em,” ‘Hikaru’ admits easily, “I like you.”
The confession coupled with the lack of space between them shakes a nervous rumble of thunder within Yoshiki. The beat of his heart kicks up, worsening the intensity of the waves spilling over within him. ‘Hikaru’s’ quest to connect each marking of Yoshiki’s skin creates a path with the final destination being the mole under his lip. With the constellation complete, Yoshiki both hopes and fears ‘Hikaru’ will put some space between them. Lips hover over Yoshiki’s own, and in that moment he has both lost and won.
Yoshiki holds his breath for the longest second he’s ever experienced, the one second it takes for ‘Hikaru’ to find whatever permission he does in Yoshiki’s eyes to close the distance. There’s nowhere to run for Yoshiki, not that he’s certain he would if given the chance, as ‘Hikaru’s’ lips connect with his own, lighting a warmth that blooms from where they touch and burns Yoshiki’s cheeks impossibly brighter. ‘Hikaru’ is not generous enough to give Yoshiki time to adjust, or maybe he just isn’t aware of the idea that this kind of thing is usually handled with more care. Taking a moment to consider the latter, it makes more sense that an ancient entity wouldn’t know anything outside of desire.
Desire without fear, what would that feel like?
Yoshiki doesn’t know how that would feel, the feeling he does know is that of ‘Hikaru’s’ lips moving against his, tongue pressing past all resistance in a boldness that’s enough to make up for what Yoshiki lacks. It’s just easier to let ‘Hikaru’ take the lead, to let him caress his tongue on Yoshiki’s own, to sit back as his wrists are taken in lanky fingers and pressed up against the chill of the wall behind them. The lack of resistance appears to only encourage ‘Hikaru’, evident in the way the grip on Yoshiki’s wrist grows tighter and a slight pain ignites as he’s pushed further against the wall.
Like this, Yoshiki feels like a beetle pinned by its wings for display. He’s always known that he’s an undesirable thing in his natural habitat, burrowing through the dirt and making a mess of things. God forbid he ever find himself somewhere he is not wanted, for he would be crushed in seconds flat. But here he can be a piece of art presented for consumption by his maker.
‘Hikaru’ presses his tongue hard against the roof of Yoshiki’s mouth and hooks it against the back of his teeth, pulling a choked gasp from Yoshiki that is swallowed by ‘Hikaru’ without hesitation.
Sometimes Yoshiki feels like if ‘Hikaru’ could split both of their atoms and merge them with each other’s, then it would be done in a heartbeat. That thought is proof enough that what he is presented for is not consumption, but rather complete admiration. Not that the confirmation helps shed any light onto why ‘Hikaru’ is so obsessed with Yoshiki, but the anxiety is still eased somewhat even without the reasoning.
Many false gods have blind followers, it’s as simple and as haunting as that.
Cool air blows over the expanse of Yoshiki’s chest as ‘Hikaru’ quickly unbuttons his shirt. Once he’s finished with the last button, ‘Hikaru’ has just enough mercy to free Yoshiki’s hands so that he may shrug the fabric from his shoulders. Without ‘Hikaru’s’ demanding hold, he doesn’t really know what to do with his hands, so he chooses to bunch up the bed sheets in his grip.
Their lips break apart with a smack, separating just long enough for ‘Hikaru’ to sit back on his heels and start to strip himself of his own shirt. Yoshiki looks up at him through heavy lashes, the air forcing itself in and out of his lungs as he tries to catch his breath. The sheets threaten to tear in Yoshiki’s grasp at the expression on ‘Hikaru’s’ face, red glowing back at him through squinted eyes accompanied by a sneer showing off sharp teeth.
“‘Sup Yoshiki,” ‘Hikaru’ teases, “nothin’ you haven’t seen before.”
“‘S different…”
“And why’s that?” ‘Hikaru’ leans in, “‘Cause you know what it feels like to be inside me? ‘Cause you know how to make me feel good? But I don’t know how to make you feel good, and that’s a shame.”
“That’s okay,” Yoshiki thinks he should try to tear his gaze away, but he finds he can’t bring himself to truly want to. ‘Hikaru’ himself is the one to break eye contact for a brief moment, his eyes falling down to the tent in Yoshiki’s pants. Quickly, Yoshiki goes to move his hands in an attempt to hide himself, but ‘Hikaru’ grabs at his wrists just as fast to keep his view unobstructed.
“I remember things, y’know,” ‘Hikaru’ licks at his lips as his eyes look back up to meet Yoshiki’s again, “naughty things that he’s seen before, bits of manga read in private. So I know what’s supposed to feel good, but I don’t know what makes you feel good, Yoshiki.”
Does ‘Hikaru’ want to? Does he want to know what makes Yoshiki feel good, what makes him tick, what will make him come crawling back for more? It’s not even a question, really, as ‘Hikaru’ has made it obvious enough that he would crush the universe in his hands if that was what Yoshiki wished. The only thing that ‘Hikaru’ can’t do is… well, be Hikaru, but Yoshiki doesn’t think he wants him to try. Hikaru would have never looked at him like this, not in Yoshiki’s wildest dreams.
“If I feel good, does it make you feel good?” ‘Hikaru’ asks, eyes lidded but full of curiosity. The question makes Yoshiki blush, and the reaction only serves to fuel ‘Hikaru’ on as the blush creeps down Yoshiki’s neck to his chest.
“‘Dunno,” Yoshiki lies, dipping his head down in a shame that betrays his answer, “it’s just a lot.”
“A lot of what?” ‘Hikaru’ looks into Yoshiki’s eyes with confusion, not understanding how it feels to be overwhelmed by feelings neither of them can comprehend because they both lack what the other has.
Yoshiki knows the way that ‘Hikaru’ makes him feel, how being inside and feeling around the cold and mushy endlessness while ‘Hikaru’ descends on him makes every nerve within him spark, like his atoms really are splitting to make room for the intrusion. Well, can it really be called an intrusion when Yoshiki welcomes him in easily?
On the other hand, ‘Hikaru’ knows how Yoshiki digging within him makes himself feel. Of course, Yoshiki can’t speak much to the feeling, but he can’t deny what’s obvious when he has ‘Hikaru’ moaning into his ear and digging his nails into his shoulders. It leaves Yoshiki curious on how it really feels on the other side, he would imagine better than just a pat on the head.
“I can’t really explain it,” Yoshiki mumbles, hoping the other would just drop it already.
Of course Yoshiki knows that if he came out with it and said it feels good, ‘Hikaru’ wouldn’t even know how to pass judgement, he wouldn’t even dare. It’s the simplest things from Yoshiki that get the other going, like the affirmation that Yoshiki doesn’t view him as Hikaru, but as his own being. The blush that answer had resulted in is undeniable, the way that ‘Hikaru’ couldn’t even maintain eye contact. Or the way that he looks at Yoshiki with a level of possessiveness that has never been directed at Yoshiki before, not even with Hikaru, who would claim to be waiting at Yoshiki’s place should he ever bring a girl home. No, it’s different with ‘Hikaru’, so he would likely understand Yoshiki’s feelings better than Hikaru ever could have.
Yoshiki isn’t sure if that is a thought that comforts him, or scares him.
“Well, I wanna try to make you feel good,” ‘Hikaru’s’ voice is low, causing his wishes to sound more like a threat, “can I?”
Really, Yoshiki should have to think more about it. His answer should not be so immediate, but he can’t help the way his body betrays him as his hips shift and his fingers dig impossibly further into the mattress. All he can do is screw his eyes shut and nod his head in affirmation, but apparently that’s all it takes to get ‘Hikaru’ on him in a flash.
The feeling of ‘Hikaru’s’ lips on Yoshiki’s own rips a gasp out of him, which is quickly swallowed as ‘Hikaru’ sucks on his tongue. The motion is sloppy and experimental, but luckily what ‘Hikaru’ lacks in experience, he makes up for in eagerness. It’s even almost enough to distract him from the feeling of ‘Hikaru’s’ fingertips tracing over Yoshiki’s hand where the bones protrude with the force of his grip. A soft, feather-light touch that has Yoshiki’s fingers unclenching slowly, almost inviting ‘Hikaru’ to take hold of his wrist, the hand naturally wrapping itself around the hand-shaped mark of his spirit scar.
Teeth clack sharply against teeth before the kiss slows down, ‘Hikaru’ guiding Yoshiki’s hand to rest over his bare chest. Yoshiki can’t help but drag his nails down the expanse of skin once again, causing ‘Hikaru’ to sigh into the kiss as his abdomen splits to welcome Yoshiki inside. He can’t even pretend to resist the call, letting his hand slide between the folds of flesh and into the cold and wet mystery that is ‘Hikaru’s’ insides. This time, ‘Hikaru’ has enough grace to let Yoshiki adjust to the feeling, even if that’s a difficult feat as their tongues rub together and they exchange heavy breaths.
Suddenly a familiar shock rips through Yoshiki’s arm before sparking throughout his body to crackle in his toes and up through his skull. As Yoshiki’s arm is further consumed, as they mix, he can’t help but wildly twist his grip inside ‘Hikaru’, causing him to moan and whimper into Yoshiki’s mouth. It almost feels as if he needs those noises to live, he needs to swallow them until he’s so full he could burst. Until the seed he accidentally swallows plants itself within him, and they finally mix enough to where one cannot be told apart from the other.
It seems ‘Hikaru’ feels the same, for he does not relent in his slow and cold consumption of Yoshiki. As usual, he gets caught up in his own pleasure, keening and crying as Yoshiki shakes and grabs helplessly inside of him. The more that ‘Hikaru’ loses control of himself, the less Yoshiki feels like he can handle being the one in control.
Of course that’s how they end up here, rutting against each other like they’re just horny teenagers and one of them isn’t a dead boy possessed by an eldritch horror. The thought threatens to snap Yoshiki back to reality, which he refuses to let happen, so he stomps it out immediately. All that matters is ‘Hikaru’s’ knee rubbing against his crotch, the burning heat from the friction of fabric grinding against fabric clashing with the chilled insides that are endless within ‘Hikaru’.
Finally, ‘Hikaru’ releases one of Yoshiki’s wrists to unceremoniously shove his hand down the latter’s pants, pawing at Yoshiki through his underwear. It’s all too much and it’s not enough, it’s everything he’s wanted and it’s not enough, he needs it like he needs the blood pumping through his veins and it’s just not enough.
Forcing their lips apart, Yoshiki gasps for air and watches as ‘Hikaru’ does not do the same, “Take ‘em off,” he somehow manages to choke out, though he’s unsure how with how delirious he feels from ‘Hikaru’ still infecting his brain through his insides.
‘Hikaru’ follows this command easily, all but tearing Yoshiki’s pants off of him and finally leaving him bare. Whatever small sense of shame left within Yoshiki has him demanding more, “Take yours off too,” the insides inch further up his arm as more spills out of ‘Hikaru’ to consume Yoshiki while he does as asked.
Something buzzes within Yoshiki as he’s straddled, only just now noticing everything has grinded to a halt.
‘Hikaru’s’ insides barely flex around the expanse of Yoshiki’s skin that it covers. Yoshiki breathes heavily, his gasps for air being the only sound that echoes through the room, bouncing off the walls in a way that feels almost mocking. Yoshiki would do anything to know what ‘Hikaru’ is thinking, anything but ask. It’s somehow easier to grind his groin against ‘Hikaru’s’ instead.
It only takes one shift in movement for everything to explode. ‘Hikaru’ dives tongue-first into Yoshiki’s mouth and rubs his crotch against the other’s, his insides shocking into action and spilling out to wrap around their cocks. The essence consumes Yoshiki and ‘Hikaru’ both at once in a way that makes Yoshiki’s skin crawl and pulls moan after moan out of him all the same.
Fire somehow burns within Yoshiki as the cold insides further drip and inch along his skin. It spills inside of his mouth through ‘Hikaru’s’, it teases along his hole and presses its way past the tight rim, it manipulates his limbs to wrap around ‘Hikaru’s’ hips and neck, until Yoshiki feels delirious with all of it.
All that plays behind his eyelids is distorted visions, or memories masked by glitches, or static fuzzing his vision completely. Yoshiki is certain that at this point, he is beyond reality. Long ago he abandoned all ethical values the best that he could, and that damned him to a path that led him here.
Although, he isn’t completely sure he considers himself damned in this moment, not when he feels this good. After what feels like an eternity lost within ‘Hikaru’, Yoshiki finally comes and releases everything he has into the cold endlessness that surrounds him. The ecstasy of the orgasm combines with the euphoria of mixing in a pure bliss that has Yoshiki on cloud nine. All he can do is whimper and moan into ‘Hikaru’s’ mouth as he is milked for all he’s worth, each noise swallowed greedily yet slowly as if being savored. ‘Hikaru’ presses Yoshiki further into the wall with his strength as he uses an equal amount of strength to retreat back into himself, being sure to lick into his mouth as if it’s the last time he will ever taste such sweet nectar, before finally pulling apart.
Once ‘Hikaru’ has fully put himself back together, Yoshiki stretches his now free arm and rolls his wrist in circles, pretending not to notice the way ‘Hikaru’ is staring holes into him.
“Did ya feel good?” he finally asks after a while.
Yoshiki can’t do more than nod, but it seems that’s all the affirmation ‘Hikaru’ needs to be satisfied. He slowly leans in, pressing his lips to Yoshiki’s ear in a way that pulls a weak shiver out of him, “I like you a lot,” he admits, “and I like feelin’ good,” he admits, “and I like makin’ you feel good the most,” he admits.
The easy confession burns Yoshiki’s face in a bright blush, one he tries to hide as ‘Hikaru’ pulls back to look at him, “Ya can’t just go saying things like that.”
“But it’s true!” ‘Hikaru’ exclaims.
“Doesn’t matter,” Yoshiki argues, “but as long as yer only saying it to me, then I guess it’s fine.”
‘Hikaru’ beams at that, “You’re the only one I want makin’ me feel good,” he confesses, “and I wanna be the only one makin’ you feel good, got it?”
“Got it,” Yoshiki is agreeing before he even gets the chance to consider otherwise.
It’s almost as though wires snap, the way ‘Hikaru’ collapses on top of Yoshiki. As they get the closest to normal intimacy they ever will, Yoshiki cards his fingers through ‘Hikaru’s’ hair and decides the alternative was never worth considering anyway.