The Golden Lasat

by genericfanatic

Summary:

Upon arrival on Lira San, Zeb and Kallus have to figure out what to do with the rest of their lives now that they know they'll have one. But if their family is going to grow, it's going to take more work than last time.

Sequel to "Light in the Darkness," but I include a summary in the opening notes if you don't want to re-read.

Notes:

In Light in the Darkness: Kallus is trans, and he and Zeb actually slept together on Bahryn. This resulted in a pregnancy. Unsure how the rebellion would treat him, Kallus decided to stay and spy, keeping his pregnancy a secret with the help of an Imperial Medical Droid, I2-1B1, or I2. When he was discovered his pregnancy was also discovered, and Thrawn beat him, creating trauma induced labor. Kallus was able to get him and I2 out onto the Ghost, and I2 performed an emergency C-section. It took some healing, but both Kallus and Baby were fine, and Kallus and Zeb began dating in earnest.

Chapter 1

Kallus held Lovi’s hand as they walked the roads of Lira San, though at only 6 years old his height was quickly creeping up against Kallus’ own. As a tall human himself, he didn’t worry too much that Lovi would be about the size of his peers, but he did fear how soon the day would be when his son was taller than him. It already felt like he’d only been born yesterday.

“Are we really gonna live here, Papa?” Lovi asked, “Forever an’ ever?”

“Well, I don’t know about forever,” he said, “but for a long time, yes. And if we like, then we can stay as long as we want.”

Having lived most of his life on ships and bases, the idea seemed as foreign to Lovi as living above the stars had been to Kallus at his age. “We’re not gonna see Jacen again?”

“Of course we will,” Kallus said. They called Lovi and Jacen cousins even though they weren’t related in any way, but they were honestly more like brothers. They had even shared a room on the Ghost for a while, the very room both of them had been born into, that had once been Kanan’s. “Maybe not as much as we used to, but we’ll visit him and Aunt Hera and Grandpa Rex multiple times.” He smiled, “In the meantime, Da and I will be with you, and I2, and we’ll have that house all to ourselves.”

The house was idyllic, different than he remembered the houses on Lasan being, but of a similar ideal. Chava apparently had it built for Zeb years ago, though Zeb refused to take her up on it until the war was over. Now that it actually was, there was very little reason not to.

Kallus had to admit, he was a little nervous living on a planet of all Lasat. Most of the population of course, wouldn’t really know or care about who he was, but the refugees of Lasan must have heard of him. While Zeb and his family had done a lot to help him learn to live with the guilt and still be a functioning member of society, the guilt was still there and he would have it the remainder of his life. Quite honestly if they told him to leave and never come back, he couldn’t really blame them.

It was Lovi who actually persuaded him to agree with Zeb and come live there. Not the boy himself, who seemed hesitant to be on the strange planet as all children were to some significant change. But the idea of him being able to be around peers who were like him other than his father, of having stable schooling and a safe environment to flourish. His own schooling was spotty before the Imperial Academy, and it couldn’t be called ‘safe.’

The village that Chava had chosen was equally idyllic, a mixture of refugees and local Lasan. Chava herself had set up there, and quickly became hailed as the local wise woman. They came upon two children, chasing each other through the streets. They were maybe a few years older than Lovi. Kallus smiled to himself and looked to Lovi, who tilted his head at them looking bewildered and amazed. He didn’t look scared, though, so Kallus took it as a win.

It was odd, having to pick Zeb out through a crowd of people who looked much closer to him, rather than just identify him as the one purple man among a sea of shorter species. Still, he would be able to identify his husband (that had been a recent and rushed development) out of anyone in the galaxy.

He was chatting with I2 and a Lasan woman in front of a building. The three of them quickly turned to see Kallus and Lovi approaching. It was Kallus now that stuck out in a crowd, and he’d gained more than his fair share of curious looks.

Zeb, though, beamed at him like they hadn’t seen each other in weeks rather than just this morning. “There they are,” he said, “We were just talkin’ about you two!”

Kallus bowed his head in the traditional Lasat way, with a hand in a fist just above his chest. He shook Lovi’s hand until he replicated the move. “Wonderful to meet you,” he said, “As Garazeb has no doubt said, I am Alexandr Kallus. This is our son, Lovano Kallus Orellios. We are honored to be living in your village.”

The woman looked just as amazed at Lovi as the child, but had a bit more restraint. Lovi got awkward with the attention and feebly tried to hide behind Kallus’ legs. The woman shook herself and gave a short bow in response. “It is good to meet you both,” she said, voice heavily accented, “I am Kozyll, the…what is the basic term?” she looked up at Zeb.

“Uh,” he said, “I guess closest thing is ‘mayor’ but it’s not quite the same…she’s in charge a’ things ‘round here.”

Kallus smiled and nodded, “Then it is an honor to meet you indeed. The village is beautiful,” She brightened with the praise, “I don’t know if Zeb mentioned, but we’ll need to look for jobs soon, as well as a school to register Lovi. I2 has all his records stored, birth details, vaccinations, etc.”

Kozyll chuckled at him, “We do things a little differently here,” she said, “There aren’t usually set ‘jobs’ so much as skillsets. When a need arises we may call on someone with the right skillsets and they will help.”

Kallus frowned, “I…alright,” he said, not really understanding, “as for the school–”

“We have child caretakers that can help and educate your children while you are busy,” she said, “Where are his siblings?”

Kallus frowned and tilted his head, “Ah,” he said, “Siblings? I don’t understand.” He felt like he’d been dropped off into some kind of upside down planet.

“I think I may be able to help here,” I2 spoke up, “Lasat typically brood in small litters of 2-4 children at a time, likely due to the shape of the Lasan uterus. For humans such numbers are rare, as the female will only release one egg at a time in their menstrual cycle, so–”

“Thank you, I2,” Kallus said, “I think we get it. Yes, Lovi is an only child.”

“Oh,” she said, bowing her head, “I am sorry to hear that.”

Kallus frowned, feeling as frustrated as he had when he tried to learn Lasana as an adult, his brain managing to get the essentials, but as an adult it was hard to capture the language as easily as it had been for Lovi and even Jacen. “Well,” Kallus said, “I’m sure he’ll make friends at…the caretakers,” he said, “I’m sure seeing a half-human is new for a lot of people here.” More like everyone, as he noticed more people staring.

“Yes,” she said, still looking at Lovi, “There are…well, there are a scant few other life forms on Lira San now,” she said, “As other refugees have settled in and brought some loved ones of their own. But we welcome our lost cousins.” She swallowed then looked back at Kallus, “Welcome to Lira San, Alexandr Kallus.”

 

“So, Kozyll was weird, right?” Kallus asked after they had put Lovi to bed that night, “Like, I don’t think that was a custom.”

Zeb hummed, thinking, “I dunno, The whole planet has always been a bit…It’s like it’s home, but it’s different.” He shrugged, “Hard to know what exactly is weird or just…this place weird.”

“Apologizing that Lovi’s an only child?” Kallus said.

“Oh, that,” he said, “That’s real old lore. Says only kids are unlucky.”

Kallus scowled at the thought, “Really?”

“It was basically discounted as just an old tale when I was growing up,” he said, “But every once in a while when there was just one kit born, some old geezer would go spoutin’ nonsense like that. Guess it’s still common place on Lira San, but it’s not based on anything.”

“Actually,” I2 chose that moment to speak up from his charging port, “There is documentation of what is called ‘lonely cub’ syndrome that can sometimes affect Lasat singlets where they do not socialize quite the same as those with siblings.”

Kallus frowned at this new information, “Oh come on,” Zeb said, “Lovi wasn’t exactly isolated growin’ up. He had Jacen! And now we’re here, he’s gonna be goin’ to see a whole bunch a’ kids like him. He’s fine.”

Kallus gave a small smile at him, but they both knew the conversation wouldn’t leave him for a while.

Once they were upstairs in bed, Kallus lay in bed while Zeb did his nightly routine. He had been surprised to learn that the Lasat could be quite vain when he saw to it, keeping his fur perfect and lush, and his beard trimmed to a point. “Your sisters…” Kallus said, watching him, “Were they born at the same time as you?”

Zeb gave a half shrug, “Lusette was. Mahora and Rezza were older.” Kallus hummed absentmindedly, processing the information in his head, re-ordering things he knew, “I can hear the gears turnin’ in that head of yours.”

Kallus smiled at him. “Just thinking,” he said.

“More like over-thinking,” he said, when his fur was properly lotioned and he came over to the bed, “What’s goin on’?”

Kallus figured it was best to rip off the bacta patch. “Do you want more children?”

Zeb’s eyebrows went up. “Whoa, uh. I…dunno. Haven’t thought about it.”

“You haven’t?” Kallus asked, “You told me you always imagined a family, and if it’s the norm to have more than one–”

“Well…I guess yeah, when I was a kid,” Zeb said, “I imagined loads of ‘em.”

“How many?” Kallus asked, frowning.

Zeb shrugged, laying down on his side of the bed, “I dunno. Never put a number to it. Can you walk me through how we got here? I’m havin’ trouble keepin up.”

Kallus settled in beside him, his head resting on his arm, “If it’s actually a biological…necessity, I suppose, to have a sibling…shouldn’t we give that for Lovi?”

“Lovi’s gonna be fine,” Zeb said, “He’s got two great dads who are always lookin’ out for him. There’s plenty of kids these days who ain’t got that.”

“That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t give the best to our son,” Kallus said, “And if YOU always wanted lots of kids–”

“What do YOU want?” Zeb asked.

Kallus frowned, not in anger, but concentration. “I…I want what’s best for my family.”

Zeb smiled at him, “Then you’re all set on that, because you are what is best,” he said, the big fluffball that he was. “Think on it. We just moved planets, we don’t have to decide right now.”

“If it’s something we DO want to do, we should decide soon,” Kallus said, “Lovi’s six years old already, well into developmental stages. And, quite frankly…” he trailed off.

Zeb raised an eyebrow at him, “What?”

“Well, I’m not getting any younger, Garazeb,” Kallus said, “Quite honestly I was on the older side for having a child when we had Lovi. The longer we wait, the harder it’s going to be.”

Zeb groaned lightly. He did NOT like being reminded that if they were in fact to die of old age (which seemed increasingly unlikely in the rebellion) he was more likely to outlive Kallus’ human lifespan.

He finally turned, mirroring Kallus’ pose, “Alright,” he said, “Yeah, I’d like another tyke, all things being equal. But I like our family the way it is too. And I ain’t the one who’s gotta carry ‘em. So. What do YOU want?”

Kallus bit his lip, really thinking. “It’d be easier this time,” he said, “Not having to hide from the Empire. Getting to actually rest the way I2 wanted me to.”

“Carrying to full term,” Zeb added, “Having access to proper medical treatments.”

“And raising him without having to balance between missions and evacuations. It’s almost TOO easy,” Kallus smirked, thinking as he got Zeb to chuckle. “Yeah,” he said, “Yeah I think I would like another. Now that we’re safe.” It was hard to believe it, but he figured if he kept saying it, it would sink in.

Zeb smiled, “You wanna start right now?”

And truthfully, Alex was kinda tired from their long day, but he couldn’t help stirring at the thought, “Yeah,” he said, “Yeah I do,” and leaned in for a kiss.

 

“Well, it won’t be easy,” I2 said when Kallus brought it up with him the next day. They had just dropped Lovi off at the caretaker’s (after talking with them. It was a mixed ages group, so they would be learning similar things but at different complexity levels. Still completely alien to Kallus, but…well, it was literally alien to him.)

“What do you mean?” Kallus said, frowning as he and Zeb unpacked more boxes. Many things had been gifted from Chava to make their place homier.

“Well, first of all,” he said, “We’ll have to take you off the birth control and the testosterone,” he said, “And you’ll probably need at least one full menstrual cycle to get an accurate read, probably 2 for better results.”

Kallus swallowed, “I got pregnant with Lovi while on testosterone,” he said, “Can’t I just…wait until I’m actually pregnant to stop?”

“It’s much easier to do things on accident than on purpose,” I2 said, “Yes, you were, but you were behind on your shots and happened to be ovulating exactly the night you spent stranded. Probably explained why you felt the need to procreate on a frozen wasteland in the first place.”

“Hey,” Zeb said, “Also because of my amazing good looks and personality,”

“Sure,” I2 said, dismissively. Zeb scowled at him.

Kallus kissed his husband to reassure him. “Alright. Two months of normal cycles. I can manage that.”

“And then, given your age, health, and the fact this is a hybrid pregnancy, I would highly recommend artificial fertilization,” I2 said.

“That doesn’t sound any fun,” Zeb said, “Thought makin’ the baby was the fun part.”

“Yes, well,” I2 said, “You can continue trying the….’fun’ way. But given random factors you may not see results for multiple years. Some species can even hinder attempts to get pregnant by trying too hard and diminishing their sperm count.”

Zeb frowned at him, “I don’t know for sure,” he said, “but that sounded like an insult.” I2 gave him the same completely blank face as always. Zeb huffed and broke down the box he’d been working on. “Ah karabast, didn’t see the time. I’m going to be heading out for a bit.”

“To do what?” Kallus asked, confused.

“Put myself down on the ‘physical labor’ skillset list,” he said, “There’s a call to help with buildin’ a farmhouse out in the east valley. Not exactly beatin’ bucketheads, but I wanna get in with the villagers and help out. More you help out, more likely they are to help you, is what Kozyll said.” He kissed Kallus on the mouth and headed out the door.

Kallus sighed. “Alright,” he said, moving onto the next box, “Two months, then we’ll do the artificial fertilization.”

“I’d like to add some extra hormones to the mix as well,” I2 said, “To increase the window and thus chances for proper conception.”

Kallus sighed, “Would you like to add some spikes to the insides of my shoes as well?”

“I’m simply ensuring you are aware of ALL factors before beginning the process,” I2 said, matter-of-factly. “You know, even if we do everything perfectly, it may not work the first time.” Kallus swallowed, thinking how long it could actually take. “And you know you can’t have any other major medications while–”

“I know, I know,” he said, “But…the war is over now. We’re safe. I might not even need those anymore.”

I2 was silent for a long moment, considering him. “I’ll start synthesizing lower doses for you,” he said, “Best not to cut out completely at the risk of shock syndrome.”

“Fine,” Kallus said, “And I2–”

“I won’t discuss it with Captain Orellios,” he said.

Kallus smiled. “You’re a good friend, I2.”

“I am your doctor and bound by ethics programming to keep medical history confidential,” he said, “But yes, I also am a very good friend.”

Chapter 2

Summary:

Kallus tries to adjust to life on Lira San

The next day, Zeb went to go help with the barn building again. Having unpacked everything, Kallus went to follow him, but was immediately told he needed to register with the town’s skillset system before he did any work.

The skillset system seemed to be run by an older Lasat in their administration building who seemed very grumpy. “What kind of skills do you have?”

“Well,” he started, and then had to stop and think. “I don’t suppose combat and spy skills are on your list.” She raised a dull eyebrow at him. “Right. Well, I am capable of most forms of physical labor. Also a number of programming skills, especially when it comes to droid construction and software repair.”

The woman, who still hadn’t introduced herself, hummed, “For physical labor,” he said, “Do you know your average weight limit for lifting?”

“Not precisely,” he said, “But I can usually lift anything around 225 lbs for a short time at least.”

She hummed again, typing something into her database. “Mmmmk,” and then printed out a flimsi from a device that seemed like an ancient relic, handing it to him, “Here are some jobs in town you’re qualified for.”

There were three positions listed. One was that the storm warning system needed a quick repair, one was an administration apprentice working in this office (for this woman, presumably, who he found out was named Pahra) and one was taste tester at the new restaurant.

“Is taste tester really a job?” he asked, “Like…is it for poison or something?”

“No,” she said, “Wotektek always has that one on the list, it’s just telling people to come eat the experimental food he makes at his restaurant. It’s the only job listing that doesn’t have a needed skillset.”

“And people make money off that?” Kallus asked.

“We don’t use money here,” Pahra said, “You exchange your labor for the benefit of others. In turn they will exchange their labor for your benefit.”

Kallus, having grown up in the Empire and worse in an area of Coruscant with high criminal activity, was having trouble getting his head around that. “Uh…huh. Ok.” he said. “But…what about people who don’t want to exchange their labor?”

“Do you want to exchange your labor?”

“Well…yes.”

“Great,” she said without looking up, “Pick from one of the jobs. We can alert you when more come up that match your skillset.”

“What about the barn building?” he asked, “My husband’s working on that.”

“It requires you to be able to lift over 300 pounds for extended amounts of time,” she said, “If you want to sign up for the administrative apprenticeship, you can begin immediately. I have a great deal of flimsiwork I need to go through.”

Kallus looked around the office, with the stale air, the smell of something that may have died ten years ago, and the piles and piles of mind-numbing flimsi-work Pahra seemed to go through. “I’ll…get back to you on that,” he said, backing out of the office.

He made his way out to the market, walking up the street. Surely, while the village wasn’t as populated as most places he’d been in, surely they must have…crime? People who took advantage? It was a MARKET for the Ashla’s sake, and they didn’t have money?

His eye fell on a patch of brown in the sea of purples and blues. He perked up, recognizing a Shistavanen woman, dressed in the local style, and smiled. He remembered the time Zeb had tried to disguise himself as one, all those years ago.

He approached her quickly. She was in a booth with a number of fine garments. With the wave of looks he got from people, she noticed instantly that he was coming her way. “You must be the human who moved in that everyone’s talking about.”

He smirked, “I must be,” he said, “I had heard a few non-Lasat’s had moved to the planet, thought I should introduce myself. It’s…an adjustment.”

She gave a growl that sounded threatening, but he recognized it as a snort. “You just found out about the money thing, huh?”

“Yes!” he said, “It’s…it’s weird right?”

She shrugged, “You mostly get used to it,” she said, “It’s not a perfect system, but the population of the planet is so low and sparse, it’s easy enough to maintain.”

Kallus hummed. He had seen that the population of the entirety of the planet would fit into a single building-district on Coruscant “Surprising really,” he said, “Considering people with children have multiple, and their lifespans are longer.”

“Maybe on Lasat that was true,” she said, “But here, with the storms, it’s more difficult to survive at times,” she said shrugging, “It’s…well, it’s certainly more peaceful here than it was on Shistavania. But it also feels sometimes like living in the dark ages. Anything’s better than the Empire, though.”

Kallus hummed, “That’s certainly true.”

She smiled, which seemed also threatening, but Kallus took it in stride. “Varoshka,” she said, holding out her hand.

“Kallus,” he returned, shaking her hand instead of doing the customary Lasat bow. He was happy to do it most of the time., but this was refreshing “I moved here with my husband and son two days ago.”

“I heard,” she said, “Imperial, huh?” His face fell. “Oh, don’t get so upset. Chava has been telling us your story for years, pleading your case. The warrior who helped to find the gateway.”

He hadn’t heard all the details to that story until a few years ago. “I didn’t really understand my part in it at the time.”

“Do we ever know our role in stories until they are written?” She said, “If you want my advice, don’t wait for the job list. Find something to do, something you like doing, and do it. I was a pirate during the Empire, before I met my wife. Now I make clothes.”

Kallus smiled. He didn’t…really know what to do if no one was giving him orders. “Well, they’re lovely clothes,” he said instead.

“Here,” she held up a green tunic and pants that complimented his skin tone, “Have this one.”

“Oh, uh,” he said, “I didn’t–I mean I wouldn’t–”

“No money, remember,” she said, “If you really don’t like it, bring it back. I’ll clean it and give it to someone else. But give it a chance. I think it will look charming on you.”

He took the fabric in his hands, “Thank you,” he said, still feeling like he just robbed her.

As he walked away, he wondered what sort of thing he could do. He couldn’t do a craft really. He certainly couldn’t cook. In the rebellion he was happy to lend his muscle for times when needed, but here his strength wasn’t remarkable. He wanted to help in this new place, if only to not feel completely….useless……

He stopped in the middle of the street as a wave of shame and horror washed over him, the idea of doing nothing and letting Zeb and this group of people care for him after he had done so much to ruin them all and their society, like he was a leech draining them dry and they didn’t even have the decency to squash him under their collective boots like Zeb should have long ago on that Ice Moon when he had the chance….

He was pulled out of his thoughts as he got a message on his communicator. It was from the Caretaker.

He took off at a run.

 

He arrived at the Caretaker, Marika and Logar’s house, coming to a stop at the door. “Where’s Lovi?!” He demanded.

“Sir Kallus,” Logar said in Lasana (they did not speak basic, and the Lira San vernacular sounded oddly archaic) “Please settle yourself. Your son is well, everything is fine.”

Kallus caught his breath and glared at him. “Your message said he got in a fight?”

“Yes,” Logar said, “But neither he nor the other child were injured. I can explain–”

“I want to see him,” Kallus said, “Now.”

Logar actually looked taken aback, and allowed Kallus into the home.

Lovi was sitting on one couch alone, while another boy and his mother, presumably, sat on the opposite. Kallus marched his way over him and did a cursory check, pushing aside his fur around his face to see if there was any skin discoloration or lacerations. “Papa,” Lovi said, pushing him back, “I’m fine.”

When Kallus could finally believe it, he took a deep breath, kneeling in front of his son. “Can you tell me what happened?”

“Sir Kallus,” Logar interrupted, “If I might–”

“I want to hear from Lovano first,” he spat back, then looked to Lovi, “And he should keep in mind I’m about to hear the story told from others point of view.”

Lovano swallowed, then lowered his eyes, playing with his hands. “Kerturo was being mean to me,” he said, “He kept callin’ me names and things and askin’ me about why I looked different and I wanted him to leave me alone and he DIDN’T and…” He swallowed.

“And?” Kallus asked, patient but stern.

“I just…pushed him back.”

“Liar! He punched me!” The other boy yelled, his parents clearly treating his eye with an ice pack.

“You grabbed at my fur!” Lovi said, “That’s bad boundaries!”

“ALRIGHT!” Logar interrupted, gaining some of Kallus’ respect as both boys silenced. “Kerturo, that is not a kind way of interacting with our peers and friends. We have to be respectful–”

“You’re punishing my child?” Kerturo’s mother shot in, “When HE was the one who ADMITS to enacting violence–”

“If you’d let me finish,” Logar continued, “Lovano, if you don’t like how someone is behaving, the right thing is not to hit them. You should have come to talk to me about it.”

Lovi still looked away, drooping like he was trying to hide behind his papa.

“So?” Kerturo’s mother continued, “Are you going to expel him from the caretaker house?”

“That’s a bit of an overreaction, don’t you think?” Kallus interjected, feeling the heat rise in his blood, “Perhaps if you would teach your son to not be a bigoted monster–”

“How dare you!” she yelled over him, “I won’t have the likes of you tell me how to parent my child!”

Before she had even finished, Kallus jumped in, “Ah, so the truth comes out, your hatred towards anything different is where he learned it from.”

“I have no problem with different people,” she snarled at him, “I have a problem with BLOODTHIRSTY IMPERIALS!”

A sharp whistle cut them both off and they looked over to Logar, “Sir Kallus, Lady Calione, please. We are here to set an EXAMPLE for our young!”

Kallus felt that well of shame come over him again, coated only in his red hot anger he still had with this woman. He sat back down and put an arm around Lovi, trying to focus all his energy into protecting him.

When it was clear they both weren’t about to physically attack one another, Logar spoke up again. “Lady Calione,” he said, “Please take young Sir Kerturo home safely. I would like one word just with Sir Kallus and Sir Lovano.”

Still glaring at him, Calione stood, snatching her son’s hand and then leaving. Kallus sneered at her as she went, then squeezed Lovano. “You’re not actually going to kick him out, are you?”

“No,” Logar said, “Lovano is new and I know that can be scary. From my understanding he’s never had any formal training?”

Kallus felt Lovi tense beside him. He combed through the boy’s fur like when he was little. “I trained him,” he said, “I came up with a curriculum to train in age-appropriate lessons on math, science, history–”

“I am not doubting your parenting skills, Sir Kallus,” Logar said, “I am saying…well, that I know this is a tough transition. I think we need to work on a social plan to learn more about how to…make friends.”

Kallus swallowed, thrown back to his own childhood, his mother mad at him for getting into another fight, “why can’t you just make friends?”

“That sounds…reasonable,” he said, still holding Lovi, “Don’t you think, Lovi?”

Lovi gave a shy shrug. Logar seemed satisfied and stood, so Kallus followed suit, pulling Lovi with him. “It will be alright, Sir Kallus,” he said, “the other kids are just a little thrown off because of the old story. They’ll grow accustomed to his presence.”

Kallus frowned. “Story?” he asked, “What story?”

Logar’s eyebrows went up, “Oh, I’m sorry,” he said, “I thought you–well, of course you wouldn’t have the story out there. It’s a children’s tale, about a Golden Lasat. Some of the people no doubt saw your son’s unique fur markings and related the story to him.”

Kallus gave a noncommittal hum at that, accidentally looking down to see his own hair color reflected in his son’s fur. “I see.”

“Obviously Lovano has nothing to do with that,” he said, “The children will become accustomed in time, but anything you can do to help Lovano socialize at home in a safe environment may be helpful.”

Kallus swallowed, fear creeping over him as he had no…no idea how to do that. Maybe Zeb would have some ideas? “C’mon, Lovi,” he said, “Let’s go home.”

 

Kallus and Lovi walked in silence side by side. Kallus held one hand, but the other crept to the ground so Lovi was half knuckle-walking like he did as a toddler.

They finally made it out of the main village, their house a little separated away. Kallus was grateful, not realizing how stifling he could feel even in a small village like this.

He couldn’t help looking at Lovi’s golden stripes. There were other parts of him that were just a little more human than the average Lasat, his nose not quite the right shape, his eyes, his ears, but by far the biggest indicator that he was different than all the other kids was his golden stripes.

Kallus couldn’t help feeling like…like all the things about his son that made his life harder all came from the fact Kallus was his father.

“Are you mad at me?” Lovi said in the tiniest voice that Kallus nearly missed it in his self-loathing train of thought.

“What?” Kallus said, so thrown off, “Mad at–Lovi,” He stopped and knelt down so he was a little shorter than his son, holding his arms, “No. No, I am not mad at you, not by a longshot.” He forced himself to smile to try and show him. “I don’t approve of your throwing punches. But I know you were trying to defend yourself.”

Lovi’s ears pinned back, in the exact same way Zeb’s did. Kallus couldn’t help but smile then, pulling the boy in to kiss the top of his head, then ruffle the head fur there. Lovi groaned, but couldn’t hold back the laughter as Kallus messed up his fur, making him have to stroke it back into place.

“Come on,” Kallus said, “Let’s go inside. I think we still have some of those Jogan pops.”

Lovi perked up a little as Kallus lead him in and took them both to the freezer. He pulled out two Jogan pops, one for Lovi and one for himself. It had been a hard day, he deserved it. “I am sorry,” Lovi said, “About punching Kert. I just…I got so angry.” He sighed, “In the rebellion I looked different than everyone too. But a lot of people were different, like Auntie Hera and Da. Here everyone is just…the same.”

Kallus took a deep sigh as Lovi sat up on the kitchen counter. “When I was a kid,” he said, “There were only humans in my neighborhood. Sure, you saw an alien if you went out to the market, but it was strange to see anyone who was really that different. Do you know what happened?” Lovi shook his head, “Kids found the ones who looked MOST different to pick on, even though we were all human. Like me, for instance, I was thought to be a girl at the time, but I was still taller than all the boys. They considered me to be a freak because of it.”

“You were a freak?” Lovi asked. Kallus scowled at him, but Lovi chuckled just a bit. As punishment, Kallus maturely stuck his tongue out at him.

“The POINT is,” Kallus said, “Kids…well, actually, people in general, are always going to find the differences, because ultimately we are all different in our own ways. And that’s a good thing. The Empire wanted uniformity in everything, and they ruined a lot of good things to try and do that.” They hadn’t gone into details with Lovi about what had really happened at Lasan. He knew the planet was gone and the Empire did it. They would go over it in more detail when he was older, Kallus promised himself. Including his own role in it. “Your Da and I fought so that we could all celebrate our differences. Especially you.”

Lovi smiled, his ears perking up slightly. “Thanks, Papa,” he said, then took a bite out of his Jogan pop (something only he and Kallus did. Zeb had called them both monsters for it.) “Can we…keep doing our lessons?” he asked, tentative, “The caretakers don’t go over the fun things like math and computers. They just wanted me to sing songs and stuff and learn about Lira San history.”

Kallus couldn’t quite help a smile at that, his son lighting up the part of his heart that had been falling into darkness. “Of course,” he said, “I’m sure they’ll get to math and stuff later. In the meantime, you can help me with Lira San history, since I never learned it.”

Lovi nodded, and the pair enjoyed their pop together.

Chapter 3

Summary:

Kallus suffers the struggles of actually trying to get pregnant.

Kallus had faced torture. He had been shot, stabbed, frozen, concussed, had a limb amputated, and been left for dead multiple times.

He’d do each and every one of those again to not face menstrual cramps again.

“EEuuuggghh,” He moaned into his pillow, laying face down on the bed he shared with Zeb.

Zeb sat beside him and awkwardly stroked his back, trying to comfort him best he could. “Easy, there. It’s gonna be ok.”

“Shoot me unconscious,” Kallus complained, “Please.”

“Calm down you big baby,” I2 said, injecting him with a mystery liquid, “The pain relievers should set in in just a few minutes.”

Kallus lifted his head, “Can’t you give me nerve suppressants?”

“I could if I wanted you to lose the ability to use your legs,” I2 said, smugly.

Kallus let his head fall back down. “It’s worth it,” he said, voice muffled by the pillow.

Zeb whined sympathetically, trying to massage his back. “You used to do this every MONTH?”

“Only for a few years as a teenager,” Kallus said, turning his head to the side “I joined the Imperial Academy when I was 16 and was able to medically transition. The testosterone stopped MOST of the negative symptoms.”

“If it’s a comfort,” I2 said, organizing his medkit, “This is probably worse than what you experienced as a teenager.”

“Thanks, I2,” he said, “Helpful as always.”

Kallus was glad the Empire never programmed I2 with the ability to sigh sarcastically. He’d be too powerful. “This is a withdrawal cycle after we’ve changed your hormone medication,” he said, “This is exactly WHY I wanted to wait 2 cycles instead of just one. Get your body adjusted to the new chemicals.

Kallus groaned, angry at him. Zeb kept trying to massage his back. “Ow,” he whined as Zeb hit a sensitive spot.

“Sorry,” Zeb groaned, “It’s really that bad?”

Kallus lifted his head, “It’s like…a spoon that’s been stabbed into my back, and then wiggled around aimlessly to tear up my muscles and ligaments.”

Zeb made a grossed-out face. “It’s not the most inaccurate description,” I2 said, “The muscles and your bones literally widening in order to prepare your body to give birth.”

“Thank you, I2,” Kallus said, “You can go now.”

I2 picked up his medical kit and headed downstairs. Zeb kissed him, “Are you going to be ok while I2 and I are gone?”

Kallus had fixed the storm warning system (a more difficult task than anticipated as the system was LITERALLY ancient) just in time to tell them about the storm happening tonight. Storms on Lira San were not like on other planets, very intense and destructive. Zeb had been called in to help with any structures that might fall, while I2 was going to help anyone who may be injured. Kallus was planning to go with the both of them when his symptoms started.

Kallus sighed, “Yes, I’ll be fine,” he said, “I think the pain relievers are starting to work. Lovi and I will sleep in the storm cellar.”

“Ok,” Zeb said and kissed him again. “I’m gonna go say goodbye to the little bugger, and then we’ll head out. I should be back in the early morning, hopefully.”

“Do what you need to do,” Kallus said, feeling a little bit of energy return to him.

A little while later, Lovano was safely tucked into the cot in the storm cellar while Kallus read on his personal datapad. He wanted to research the Golden Lasat story the caretaker had mentioned. It seemed to be a fairytale, essentially, with many different versions and adaptions over the years.

The general gist of the story was a Lasat with Golden fur fell out of the sky. Some of the stories said he was a strike of lightning given Lasat form, some that he was a star, or else it was some strange condition. There was one that even said he was an alien.

The Golden Lasat felt isolated from the other Lasat because he looked different. They were frightened of him and so he ran off or was chased off into the forest. He was all alone, and he lay down and cried.

The Ashla came to him in the form of an owl and asked him why he was so sad. He told her (because she was a woman in this story apparently) that he was all alone and couldn’t ever make friends.

The Ashla told him to go out in the storm on top of the tallest mountain. There he would find a stick. She told him to bring the stick back to the other Lasat and to break the stick on the largest stone he could find.

When a storm came through next, it was the most violent storm the Lasat had ever seen. Entire buildings were being picked up and thrown into the winds, and the lightning struck the trees causing fires.

The Golden Lasat fought through the storms to reach the tallest mountain. He climbed treacherous paths until he got to the very top. There he found a stick as tall as him pressed into the dirt. The lightning had struck it, but instead of burning, the stick held the lightning at its end, crackling into eternity.

The Golden Lasat brought it carefully down to the other Lasat. They stood in his way, trying to chase him away again, but the storm was too powerful, pounding on them all, so the Lasat ran away in fear.

He went just as the Ashla instructed him and broke the stick over the stone. It exploded in a burst of lightning and the Ashla’s own power burst out of stick and stone. The Lasat cowered, but saw that the explosion had not hurt them, but instead…

This is where the stories drifted the most. Some of them detailed a cavern that was revealed to them, some a passageway or a road, and some said they were pulled into the Ashla’s belly. They sat waiting for days until the storms passed.

The Lasat from then on hailed the Golden Lasat as a hero, for only a true Lasat could have called on the Ashla’s power, and the Golden Lasat was never alone again.

Kallus sighed as he read the last in a long list of versions of the story. He didn’t really know what he was looking for. He had been told similar stories as a child, usually moral lessons about not treating people differently, because later they might be useful. There was also some analysis of the story looking into if it could be based on real events. During the great schism of Lira San which sent Zeb’s ancestors off looking for a new homeland (which they found on the planet they named Lasan) there were records of some great phenomena, and he already had jedi records regarding a massive surgence of the Force at that time. But, it didn’t quite line up with early versions of the story.

Just…something about the tale…and the fact Lovi had golden fur…something about it stuck with him. He didn’t look like the images in the story, but most of those came much later, depicting a fully grown with bright gold fur, stripeless and whole. But the fact most versions seemed to agree he came from the sky…

…and the pain meds were really wearing off now.

He’d been noticing a slight twinge, but was so wrapped up in the reading as to ignore it. But now it was back to being on fire. He tried stretching, he tried just moving in different ways, but none of it was working. Oh it was so bad. He didn’t remember it being this bad.

Kriff it. He was going to get more pain meds.

After making sure Lovi was still tucked in, he made his way up out of the storm cellar into the house proper. The storm was much louder above, creaking the houseboards, but it seemed like the house was holding steady.

He paused to tense his muscles, the pain rippling through his body. He couldn’t do this. This was…he could barely WALK it was so painful. It shouldn’t be like this…

He wandered over to I2’s equipment station. Most medicine I2 kept on his person, a formidable walking medicine cabinet, but without the empire he needed a place to stash things and re-fuel quickly.

Apparently, though, he had taken at least a good chunk of his pain relievers with him to help with anyone who would be harmed by the storm. There must be some here, he couldn’t have taken ALL of it, but Kallus couldn’t FIND IT.

He took a deep steadying breath and tried to return to himself. He just had to keep searching, there had to be SOMEthing…

He found a vial of liquid labeled with only a code scan and a string of numbers. Luckily for Kallus, he was former ISB and could identify the numbers just on sight. It was nerve suppressant.

He had been joking earlier when he asked to be injected with the stuff. This was used for surgeries to ensure patients didn’t flinch when you sliced them open for surgeries. But, Kallus was desperate.

He found a syringe, carefully filling it manually to ensure there were no air bubbles, then stuck himself in the side, depressing the plunger.

He wasn’t entirely sure what his plan from there was, but he knew that it WASN’T to fall in a heap onto the floor as his legs seemed to forget how to hold himself up. Fuck, he must have gotten too close to the spine. He was pretty sure this wasn’t permanent, just numbed from the suppressant, but it was still embarrassing. Especially as he was now stuck on the ground.

He debated his options as he used his arms to sit up. The good news is that it DID remove his pain, so, worth it. Hopefully the suppressant would wear off in a few hours, and if not, Zeb and I2 would return at some point, so. He just had to wait here. The only real issue was if Lovi–

“PAPA?!”

–woke up.

Kallus sighed, “Up here, Lovi.”

He heard the scramble of feet and hands. Lovano almost solely went upstairs like an animal climbing.

Lovi’s head popped up from the stairs, ears flapping a little, but after a burst of thunder pressed back against his head. “It’s ok,” Kallus said, “Why don’t you go back to sleep downstairs?”

Lovi tilted his head at him, frowning. “Are you hurt?” he asked.

Kallus wasn’t sure how to really go into it. “Papa did something kinda silly,” he said, “But I’ll be alright, promise.”

Ignoring Kallus’ advice, Lovi instead crawled forward and huddled by Kallus’ side. Kallus sighed, but put an arm around him. “I don’t wanna be alone. Why is the storm so loud?”

Kallus squeezed him. “It’s an ionic plasma storm. So, a little different than storms on other planets we’ve been on.”

Lovi frowned at him. “I…ionic?”

Kallus hummed. “My datapad is up on the shelf, can you grab it?”

Lovi looked confused, but did as asked. Kallus put away the stories he had been reading and instead pulled up a holomap of the solar system. “So,” he said, “Thousands of years ago, this solar system was home to a whole star cluster. Over time, most of those stars expanded and…” he tried to figure out how to describe it, “Well, they stopped being stars. They turned into the nebula that we piloted through when we got here, you remember?” Lovi nodded. “When that happens, it usually destroys all the planets in the system, but Lira San has a very strong ionized atmosphere.”

“What does that mean?” Lovi asked.

Kallus hummed, thinking of how to best describe it to a six year old. “Think of…you know how sometimes when the air is really dry it can make your fur stand up on end and if you touch something it can shock you?” He nodded, “That’s because the air is ionized. That little burst of electricity is like a very small lightning bolt.” He directed the holomap to the outerlayer of Lira San’s atmosphere, “So. This outer layer is basically just like that. And it disperses the nebula’s energy so that the plasma doesn’t come down to destroy the planet. But, there’s a lot more matter just sort of floating around the nebula than in your typical solar system. So when that matter, usually plasma, hits the ionized atmosphere, it comes down in these sharp bursts of lightning.”

Lovi frowned at the holo, then up at Kallus. He sighed, “The lightning just means that the planet is protecting us,” he said, “But listen, The storm is already drifting away from us.”

A roll of thunder echoed around them, and Lovi tucked himself into his chest. Kallus maneuvered him to sit in his lap. “It sounds really close!”

“Watch for the next flash of lightning,” Kallus told him. They only had to wait a few seconds before there was one. “Now count with me. 1, 2, 3….” thunder rolled around them. “Ok, now the next one.”

They waited just a few more moments. “1,” Lovi said with Kallus, “2, 3, 4, 5.”

Thunder rolled again. “You see?” Kallus said, “The longer the time between the lightning and thunder, the further it is away.”

The pair of them sat counting time between lightning and thunder for a few more minutes until Kallus felt Lovi go limp in his arms. Kallus squeezed him tight, filled with so much love for his son. He’d always known it, but he held onto a single thought, laying there: I will do anything for this boy.

 

He woke to his shoulder being shaken, and jostled very suddenly, but just as his muscles tensed he recognized Zeb standing over him. “Hey,” Zeb whispered softly.

“Hey,” Kallus said back, taking in his surroundings. Lovi was still curled up on his lap, fast asleep. It was light outside, and there was no more thunder so the storm was gone.

“Any reason you’re on the floor?” Zeb asked, “And why there’s an empty syringe of nerve suppressant next to you?”

“Uhhhhhhh,” Kallus said, brain quickly trying to boot up so he could think of some kind of story that would explain all of that. He got nothing. “Lets uh, let’s get Lovi up to bed.”

Zeb groaned low and concerned, but his arms wrapped around his son and picked him up. Lovi squirmed slightly but not too much. “Be right back.”

As he walked away, Kallus tested his use of his legs. It felt a little static-y like an old holo, but he could move them and pick himself off the ground.

I2 was standing there as he held himself against the wall, tilting his head at Kallus. “I know, I know,” Kallus said, “Don’t go digging through your med supplies. I am sorry but I was really–”

“Please state your level of pain, 0 indicating no pain and a 10 being the highest you can think of.”

Kallus frowned at him. It always threw him when I2 acted more medical-droid-y than person. “Uh…Right now? Maybe a four. Few hours ago was at least a nine.”

I2’s head twitched as he processed the data. “Your menstrual cycle should not be eliciting this high of a pain response.”

Kallus shrugged. “Always been an overachiever, I guess,” he said, “You want to do tests or what?”

I2’s face never changed, but Kallus felt oddly as if he was being scanned just standing there. “When you joined the Imperial Security Bureau,” he said, “Did you have anti-torture training?”

Kallus frowned, “You know I have,” he said, “It was standard practice.”

“Yes,” he said, “But the exact methods are classified, and not available on your permanent record.”

Zeb came back downstairs, taking them a couple at a time. “What’s goin’ on?”

I2 ignored him, “Was one of the tortures you were made to endure a nerve stimulant?”

“Yes,” Kallus said, putting pieces together, “You don’t think…”

“It’s hard to test for,” I2 interrupted.

“Would someone please translate for the dumb Lasat?” Zeb asked. Kallus instantly put his hand on Zeb’s arm, hating whenever he called himself dumb, but it wasn’t the time.

“Captain Kallus’s reaction to his menstrual cycle is on the far end of extreme,” I2 said, matter of factly.

Zeb scratched the back of his head, “Yeah…Sabine would just pop a pain pill once a month. I know she’s stubborn, but she said she functioned fine.”

“In part, I have a condition,” Kallus said, “It makes hormone regulation difficult, and it’s always been more pain than average.”

“Even in that case,” I2 said, “It shouldn’t be this extreme. However, if you also hat stimulant sickness…”

“The hell’s that?” Zeb asked, his frown deepening.

Kallus squeezed him harder, “It’s a condition found in people who had nerve stimulants used against them, which often develops later in life,” he said, “The nerve endings literally are expanded during the torture, to make them experience more pain. After a while…the nerve endings can be expanded permanently.” Zeb’s jaw set and he looked stony. “Actually when the Empire found that out, they praised it as an ingenious benefit to–”

“Stop,” Zeb said, taking calming breaths as he turned to I2, “Is there a way to reverse it? Using suppressants, maybe?”

“Unfortunately not,” I2 said, “In fact, oddly, the more suppressants are used, the faster the process is.” Zeb rubbed his face up and down. “It’s a difficult diagnosis, as it doesn’t cause pain itself, it only increases pain that’s already there. If it wasn’t for this menstrual cycle we may have never known.”

“So we get him back on testosterone and birth control,” Zeb said.

“What?” Kallus interrupted, “No, no we don’t!”

“Alex,” Zeb said, frowning down at him, “If it’s causing you this much pain–”

“I want it!” Kallus said, making Zeb frown deeper, “Not the pain, the baby. And if this is the way to do it–”

“You drugged yourself in the middle of a storm!” Zeb said, “What if you had needed to move?”

“It was not that bad!” Kallus shot back.

“I was in it!” Zeb said, “It wasn’t bad out here, but there’s houses 2 klicks down that have burnt up. What if it was closer? What if you needed to get Lovi out?”

“Then I would have crawled with him to safety,” Kallus said, “Don’t you DARE question what I would do for our son.”

Zeb’s jaw set as he glared at his husband. “I know you would,” he said, softer, “But Alex…you don’t have to do this. You’re in pain, and you’re gonna be in pain, and that kills me.”

“I can take it,” Kallus said.

“You don’t have to!” Zeb shot back.

“I WANT to,” Kallus said, “I2, is there any risk of death or permanent disability?”

I2 stayed silent a moment longer, and Kallus glared at him, knowing the answer. “You know there’s not,” I2 said, “But it will get worse as you age, and potentially dim quality of life.”

“It’s fine,” he said, “I’ll just take more pain medication.”

“Alex,” Zeb begged.

“I’ll be fine,” Kallus said, “I’m going to get a few more hours of sleep,” he said and marched upstairs.

He heard I2 and Zeb talking in low voices, and though he couldn’t hear the words, he knew generally what was happening. I2 promised to recalibrate medications to work better with prenatal vitamins, Zeb was asking if there was a way to force Kallus to stop, I2 was saying that his programming wouldn’t allow him to give treatment that Kallus had explicitly forbidden, and anything Zeb did to try and go around that could be dangerous.

He reached their bedroom and turned slightly at a small amount of movement. By the time he looked, Lovi was already behind his door and it shut him in his own room. Kallus sighed and went to bed. The pain was spiking up again.

Chapter 4

Summary:

Kallus considers his options

“Am I crazy?” Kallus asked, sitting in the market with a series of bolts and electrical switches. “Like. I have a husband. I have a child. Am I asking too much?”

Varoshka shrugged, working on her sewing within her booth beside him. “I mean. You’re probably a little crazy. To be honest, to me, having a kid at all seems insane.”

Kallus sighed, “My sisters were like that too,” he said, “Our mother put a lot of pressure on us about it.”

“Don’t all mothers?” Varoshka said, rolling her eyes.

“When I was very young I just assumed I’d be just like her,” he said, “I LIKED the idea, for a while. At least, the idea of a big family,” He got lost in his mind and memories that he’d long put away. “Lovi was…a gift. Something so unexpected I couldn’t believe it.” He shook his head, focusing more on the circuit board. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s too crazy. Maybe I shouldn’t…” Dream, he thought. He should be grateful for what he had, and any more was selfish.

“Look,” Varoshka said, “There’s no…logical reason to have them. I mean, continuation of the species, the self, whatever,” she waved her clawed hand, “I don’t want ‘em because I simply don’t want them. I got some reasons, but when it comes down to it, that’s the argument to stop all arguments. You want ‘em cause you want ‘em. And you can do it, so, have at it. Spit out as many babies as you want.”

Kallus snorted, “Well, I’m working on it.”

“I bet you are,” Varoshka said, “With that hunk of a Lasat you pulled.”

Kallus glared at her, but there was no heat. “I’ll tell your wife you said that.”

“Do it,” she dared him, “She agrees with me!” Kallus snorted. “Whatcha working on over there?”

Kallus took a deep breath, “New storm warning system,” he said, holding up the circuit board. “The one here is…fine, I suppose, but it could be more up to date about tracking solar data, estimating when storms will come weeks in advance.”

Varoshka frowned, “Thought the storms were too random for that?”

“Well we won’t know until we track the solar data,” Kallus said, “And someone told me to just start working on something.”

“Ah, very wise person,” she said, nodding, and earned herself Kallus’ smirk, “And good. Told you some of this stuff is from the dark ages.”

“Bit difficult for a lot of technological advancements when the planets been isolated for thousands of years,” Kallus said.

“Very true,” Varoshka said, sliding her needle through the sewing machine. “I might ask you to look at this thing once you’re done. It’s nice, making the stuff yourself instead of just programming a fabricator, but…I feel like it could be a little easier.”

Kallus nodded, “Consider it next on my list,” he said, “Now would you want–”

He was cut off as a Lasat woman suddenly walked through the door. She seemed like she belonged here, but froze as she met eyes with Kallus. Kallus, confused, looked over to Varoshka, who didn’t seem upset at the intrusion, more…embarrassed.

Kallus swallowed and decided to politely ignore the tension that had suddenly swept in. “Ah, you must be Varoshka’s lovely wife,” Kallus said, “She speaks very highly of you.”

The Lasat woman’s look of surprise morphed into one of anger. “I told you not to talk with him.”

“Walla…” Varoshka entreated, “There are so few non-Lasat on the planet…and he’s nice now, you know–”

“He wasn’t so nice when he burned down Polozza,” the woman, Walla, sneered. Kallus stomach dropped as he recognized the name of one of the towns he had been assigned back in his youth. “That was my HOME. I was lucky enough to be off planet. My family wasn’t.”

Kallus bowed his head. “I won’t insult you enough to ask your forgiveness,” he said, “I’ll leave.”

“Kallus,” Varoshka said.

Kallus shook his head as he picked up his circuitboards. “If it’s worth anything at all,” he said, “I am sorry.”

“It’s not,” Walla sneered, and Kallus made his escape past her.

 

Kallus took calming breaths his entire walk out of the market, shaking. Stupid, he thought. He knew Varoshka must be married to a refugee. Most of the refugees were not like Zeb who had seen his progression. Zeb shouldn’t have forgiven him either, but he couldn’t get lost in that spiral today.

He shouldn’t be here, he thought to himself again. He was an invader on this planet, destroying the careful and quiet isolation that these people had won for thousands of years. He felt like he had when he first started realizing how awful the Empire truly was. A virus on the galaxy, a parasite only capable of destruction. The only good thing he’d ever really done was–

Lovi.

He picked his feet up and walked in the direction of the caretakers. It wasn’t like a school, directly, parents were free to drop their children off or pick them up whenever they needed (which seemed highly inefficient to him.) He had set a self-set schedule he’d been dropping Lovi off at and picking him up again. It was a little early for that but…

He just really wanted to see his son.

He made it to the caretakers like a man possessed and paused. What was he doing? Interrupting his son’s education because what? He felt lonely? Sad? Because someone who’s family he very likely murdered kicked him out of her partner’s stall? Because he lost a friend? He was an adult, he didn't need to mope and pout over someone not LIKING him.

Just as he was about to turn back around, the door opened, and the caretaker Marika opened. “Sir Kallus,” she said, vernacular just as old as her husband’s, “I’m so glad you came a little early today. Please, come in.”

Kallus hesitated but realized it would be so much weirder to leave now and come back at his normal time. He swallowed his discomfort and went inside.

Marika lay out some tea and poured him a cup before he could refuse. He just smiled and thanked her, sitting in the same place Lovi had been when he’d gotten in trouble.

Why did he feel like he was in trouble again?

“I wanted to get your input,” Marika said, “We’re at a bit of an impasse, and Logar and I can’t agree on the best way forward.”

Kallus frowned. “Is there a problem?”

“No! No, after the incident we had a long discussion on the proper idea of how to handle different situations. Lovano seems to respond very well to set protocols, very if/then reasoning.”

Kallus swallowed, remembering a childhood of needing strict boundaries and not always getting them, of being confused when other people seemed to just know what was the right thing to do in every scenario. It was something that served him well in the Empire, praised by his mentors for being a blank slate for them to train up without having to break him down first. “I see,” Kallus said, “Human children tend to do better with schedules and boundaries.” Especially humans with ‘Kallus’ in their name, but he didn’t say that.

“That makes complete sense,” Marika said, sipping her own tea, “Our impasse is more to do with his education curriculum. He showed us his datapad with the lessons you provided him. They’re very advanced.”

Kallus frowned a little at that. Sure, he didn’t have MUCH basis to go on, his own education at that age spotty at best, but he had mostly just been following Lovi’s abilities. Jacen was at about the same level, so it was difficult to say how advanced or not it was. “He’s a bright boy,” was what he said.

“Yes,” Marika said, “We were considering whether we should allow him to move up and learn with some of the older children.”

“I see,” Kallus said, nodding along, “What would be the consequences?”

“Well…” Marika said, “He’s new. And, to no fault of his own of course, he’s different.” Kallus felt a stone fall in his stomach, “The social elements of staying with his age group might end up being more beneficial than his mental progress. But we also wouldn’t want to hinder him, or make him bored,” She took a sigh, “As I said, an impasse.”

Kallus frowned, considering. “Is that something you can really teach?” he said, “Being…social?”

She gave a small shrug, “Not through books and study, unfortunately. But it only develops when with others.”

Kallus tensed his hands tightly. “I…Lovi and I already discussed continuing his lessons, he and I,” he said, “I think perhaps I can continue that homeschooling aspect, but bringing him in for the…social aspects.”

She smiled at him sweetly. “I think that’s a wonderful compromise, Sir Kallus,” she said, “If for nothing else, it means Logar owes me dinner tonight. We had a small wager regarding what your response would be.”

Kallus wasn’t sure how to react to that, so just nodded to her.

“May I ask, Sir Kallus,” she said, “Have you ever considered taking on a caretaking skillset?”

“What?” Kallus asked, sure he heard wrong, “Me? A–caring for kids?”

“Well you’ve cared for your own so well,” she said.

“Parenting one child does not mean the same as taking care of a whole village,” he said.

“Very true,” Marika said, “But more than your parenting, the curriculum that Lovi has shown us. You are very intelligent.”

Kallus frowned, “I used standard curriculums that I found from a variety of cultures,” he said, “It’s not overly advanced in other places.”

She smiled, “You forget, Sir Kallus, we barely know anything about the Outer Planets,” she said, using a term he’d heard in passing, but hadn’t thought of it. “We have only had the storm for thousands of years. Even stars were unconfirmed legends out of stories.” She sighed, “Your husband truly turned our society on his head when he appeared.”

Kallus hummed noncommittally as he thought. He had started to see Lira San as a set painting, one he had to tread carefully through for fear of tarnishing it. He didn’t think that the paints were already in motion by the time he set foot on it. “I still don’t think that’s a great idea,” he said.

Marika nodded her head to him in acknowledgement. “Well then. How about we get your little one.”

Lovi came trotting over upon seeing Kallus much to his delight and worry. Lovi had always been very accommodating when Kallus asked him to do something or go somewhere, mostly because usually when he told Lovi to move it had meant life or death. He’d been hoping that Lovi would be too young to really remember the rushed evacuation of Hoth. Now he was less sure. “How was your day?” he asked Lovi, hoping to pull some conversation out of him.

Lovi shrugged, taking Kallus’ hand and walking with him. “Ok,” he said.

Kallus squeezed his hand, “Ok is ok,” he said, struggling to figure out what else to say. “What did you learn?”

Lovi sneered a little, “Lira San geography,” he said, “It’s pretty easy, the planet’s pretty small and mostly monobiome.”

Kallus hummed, “Still,” he said, “Jungle biomes are some of the most diverse ecosystems in the galaxy. I’m sure there’s a lot to learn.”

Lovi groaned and shrugged in a motion that Kallus really tried not to see himself in. “Well,” he said, “Maybe we can look at other similar planets in our home database,” he said, “see the differences.”

Lovi brightened a little. “Ok,” he said. He was still very quiet, but Kallus would accept his bit of happiness.

 

When they arrived home Zeb was waiting just inside, clearly watching for their arrival.

Kallus met his eyes, trying to read him. Clearly he was behaving serious, concerned, which meant he wanted to talk about something that he didn’t really want to talk about. Kallus could guess the contents.

“Lovi dear,” he said, “Why don’t you go up to your room and search the home database. Pick out a few planets you want to learn more about.”

“Ok,” Lovi said and rushed upstairs. “Hi Dad.”

“Heya champ,” Zeb said as warmly as he could as he passed, ruffling Lovi’s fur.

Kallus stood just outside the doorway, arms crossed. “Do you have your lecture for me written down or is this an off the cuff scenario?”

Zeb sighed, but there was a smile to it. “Ain’t here to lecture,” he said, “Wanna talk inside?”

Kallus paused, if only to make Zeb sweat just a little, but eventually did go in just as Zeb knew he would.

Zeb offered his hand, which Kallus took (he always would) and lead him to the family nest. Lasat families didn’t have couches or sofas, but nests that they would cuddle in as a family. They tended to be a lot more physically affectionate than humans, something for which Kallus had fully reaped the benefits of.

Zeb settled into the arch of the nest, Kallus right behind curling into his arm like they would when Lovi was young and they were both too exhausted to do anything but hold each other to show they cared.

“I wanted to start out with an apology,” Zeb said, which did surprise Kallus. Zeb bit his tongue which meant he was overthinking his words. “I…assumed how you felt instead of listenin’ to how you felt. So. I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath. “I just…I saw you were in pain. And I know you, I know you tend to minimize how you’re feeling because you wanna spare me or anyone else from worryin’ ‘bout ya. But I do worry about ya. ‘S in my contract.”

Kallus smiled softly as Zeb threw his own words back at him. “I know,” he said, “I’m well aware I can be stubborn sometimes…”

“Sometimes?” Zeb cut him off. Kallus scowled at him, but it only made him chuckle.

“BUT,” he said, “I really can handle this, Zeb. And I WANT this.”

Zeb nodded, slow. “You remember the day Lovi was born?”

“Most of it in wildly vivid detail,” Kallus said, smirking at him.

Zeb gifted him with a smile back. “You came out and said to save the baby over you,” he said, “And look I…I hadn’t been really feeling like a parent as long as you so I get it now. Lovi over me every day of the week, minute of the day, second of the…anyway I just. I felt so scared. So helpless. I ain’t faced that kind of feeling since Lasan fell.”

Kallus quickly cradled Zeb’s face ready to wipe away tears. They threatened to fall but hadn’t yet. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I’m very sorry.”

“And that was even before…I mean before I really…..I knew I liked you and cared for you at the time but you’re my WORLD now, Alex,” Zeb said, “You and Lovi. And after the storm when you were sayin’ that stuff that you’d just take it all…it was like I was back on that day and you…puttin a hypothetical baby first over your own life…” He took a shuddering breath as the tears started to fall. “I can’t lose you Alex. Please. Not you too…”

Kallus couldn’t hold it anymore and pulled Zeb in for a proper hug, cradling his head to his shoulder. “It’s ok,” he said, as soothingly as he could, “I’m right here. I’m with you. I’m right here.”

He wanted to say that he’d never lose him, but that was too much of a lie. It’s a miracle they both survived the war, but likely Kallus wouldn’t reach the full end of his life based on how terribly he’d treated his body in his youth. And even with everything I2 could do for him, if he lived as long as he could, Zeb would still likely outlive him. It wouldn’t be for many, many more decades with any luck, but Kallus knew that he was in the second half of his life, maybe more than.

“I wish I could take on the pain,” Zeb said, “To feel half of it for you. I know it doesn’t work like that.”

Kallus rocked him gently, “I wouldn’t let you even if you could,” Kallus said, “This is my wish, mine to bear. Literally.”

Zeb took a staggering breath to come back to himself, wiping his eyes. “You’re a stubborn karking arsehole,” he said, “And I can’t quite help but love you for it.”

“Well see, that’s your main problem,” Kallus said, MOSTLY teasing.

Zeb growled at him, then bit his ear, making Kallus laugh like the child he’d not been in a very long time. “Can you promise me a couple things?” He said, giving an apology kiss, “One, don’t sacrifice your health. If I2 says stop, we stop, ok?”

Kallus sighed, “If it is ACTUALLY dangerous,” he said, “We can talk, and I promise to take my whole you know…life and wellbeing into consideration.”

Zeb shook his head fondly at him. “Second,” he pressed on, “If there’s anything I can do, to just make things easier, please tell me. As much as you want to do this, I want to help. Please?”

Kallus took a deep breath. Even now it was still novel for him to depend on anyone else for anything he needed. Depending on them for his wants or ease was all but unheard of. But he knew how he would feel in Zeb’s place, seeing Zeb in pain and being helpless to really stop it. “Fine,” he said, “I will come to you.”

“Anything you need now?” Zeb asked.

Kallus thought. He then heard the telltale sounds of something climbing on the ceiling. “Well,” he said, “There’s this little insect that seems to be trying to sneak in on our conversations. You think you can grab it for me?”

Zeb’s ears pointed, hearing the exact same sound. “Oh, I know what you’re sayin. One sec, I’m on it.”

Zeb got up, purposefully facing away from the ‘little insect’ in question, but that was only to get into a better stance so he could high jump, grabbing the ceiling beams and facing his target. “Ha!” Zeb said, as Lovi screeched, “Gotcha ya little insect!”

Lovi quickly tried to climb away, screech-laughing as he went, but he was not as fast as his father. Zeb grabbed him in his arms, holding onto the ceiling just with his toes. “Careful, please!” Kallus called up to them, watching the pair of them wrestle.

Zeb tossed Lovi into the nest, and he landed with a thwump right beside Kallus. Kallus rolled his eyes and shook his head as Zeb dropped down himself, pushing Lovi to be stuck between his fathers. “Caught ‘im,” Zeb said, “Now what do we do with him?”

Kallus hummed, thinking over a potential punishment. “Well, there’s really only one way to deal with things like this,” he said and took a deep breath. He leaned down to kiss Lovi’s face, blowing out air and spit all over him.

“Eww!” Lovi giggled, trying to squirm away, “Papa!”

“Oh yeah, gotta even him out,” Zeb said, before doing the same thing on Lovi’s other cheek. Lovi shriek-giggled more as his fathers tickled and held him close, until they all relaxed in a huddle. “You wanna watch a holo tonight?

Kallus sighed. “That sounds lovely.”

The memory of Varoshka’s wife still haunted him. There were plenty more who felt that way, and Kallus himself did more often than not.

But for his family, he would do the impossible. For his family, he would live.

Notes:

Kallus: I would do anythinng for you
Zeb: I want you to take care of yourself and be happy.
Kallus: I would do almost anything for you

Chapter 5

Summary:

Kallus tries to find his role on Lira San, and learns more about the planet that he now calls 'home.'

Notes:

*Mushu voice* IIII LIIIIIIIIIIIIVE

Life is weird, have an update.

“Well, your menstrual cycle seems to have completed safely,” I2 said. Kallus was so glad to be done with that. He forgot how gross it was. “I’m going to increase your medication. With luck we’ll be able to harvest samples from both you and Zeb during your next cycle, and then we should be able to implant them by the cycle after.”

Kallus sighed with relief that it seemed to be working. “Is there a word we can use other than ‘harvest?’” he asked, “Zeb won’t like it.”

“You can use whatever term you’d like,” I2 said, “however I will be using the correct medical terminology.”

Kallus snorted, shaking his head. “Thank you,” he said, sitting up, “Is there anything else you need from me?”

“A state of the art laboratory would be nice,” I2 said sarcastically as he put his equipment away, “Not to mention actually up to date equipment and medicine.”

Kallus looked over to him, curious. “Yeah,” he said, “Yeah, let’s do it.”

I2 turned to him, tilting his head, “My personality subroutines may be malfunctioning,” he said, “I was attempting a joke.”

“I know,” Kallus said, “But that’s something we can do. Something we SHOULD do,” Kallus sat up, “I’ve been working on improving the storm guidance system, and I could definitely use a space that’s more dedicated to mechanical building, along with any further developments and improvements we can make. We should build a laboratory!”

“So…” I2 said, suspiciously, “So, putting aside the fact a medical laboratory and a MECHANICAL laboratory are completely different things–”

“So we’ll put sections in it,” Kallus said.

“I cannot BUILD anything,” I2 said, “My programming allows for diagnosis and treatment. I’m a droid, not designed to be in charge of anything.”

Kallus smirked. “Programming is designed to be flexible on purpose,” he said, “Try this. Think of common ailments that you have seen here, or know about your research of Lasat and other species here. What would you need to REALLY help them with the ailments?”

I2 stared at him, and he could practically see the gears turning. “On a jungle planet like this, especially with a species covered in fur, disease carried by insects are a major concern.” Kallus smirked, taking out his datapad to start typing, “A general preventative would be helpful, maybe a vaccination or topical treatment. I would need to examine some of the minor fauna in the region, see what they are carrying most often, and how they can easily be killed.”

“Now we’re talking,” Kallus said, drawing up diagrams. “Microscopes, vacuum sealable containers, and some common insecticides to start with,” he started drawing it out. “We can have two floors. Three, technically, the rooftop can hold some higher level scanning equipment to work on my research. Then I can take over this second level for my droid workstation and repair equipment, and the first level would be yours.”

I2 tilted his head. “Mine?”

“Well of course,” Kallus said, still going through his manic thought process, “we could even have a patient area for you to see people. Like a clinic for people to come by.”

“A clinic?” I2 asked, “My…MY clinic?”

“Mmhmm,” Kallus said, drawing up a small waiting room. “For injuries, ailments, and preventatives. What would you find most useful–” he finally looked up at I2, who had taken a seat and was staring into the distance. He didn’t really have a mouth, but if he did, it would be agape. “I2?”

“I’ve never had things that were…MINE,” he said.

Kallus frowned at him, “What are you talking about?” Kallus said, “Your medical supplies, your scanners, your equipment–”

“You have paid for all of those items,” I2 said, “You are the one who stole me from the Empire. I belong to you.”

Kallus scowled at him. He took a breath and went to sit beside I2. “You are mine,” he said, “In the same way Zeb is ‘mine’ and Lovi is ‘mine,’ and Hera and Jacen and Sabine and Rex,” he said. “You are my friend, the only friend I had in my darkest time. But you are also your own.”

“New Republic rulings have not overturned the Empire or Old Republic’s laws saying that a droid may not own themselves–”

“We’re not IN the Republic anymore,” Kallus said, “And I’ve checked, there are so few droids on the planet, no one has made specific laws about them here.” He patted I2 on the back, more for himself than the droid, “You are your own. And this will be yours. AND mine, but it’s a partnership, not ownership.”

I2 couldn’t smile, but Kallus felt like he wanted to.

 

Building the laboratory was both easier and harder than Kallus had thought. There weren’t any permits he needed, though he talked it out with Pahra, the permanently annoyed administrative Lasat. They ended up just plotting it right near their house.

He had specs planned up and Zeb brought over some of the friends he had made from the Builder’s skillset to help set up the foundation over the next week or so. Considering it was his own project, Kallus could actually work on this one. He was happy to prove his worth (and that just because he couldn’t necessarily swing around entire trees did not stop him being helpful with manual labor.

The Lasat were…Kallus didn’t want to say ‘cold’ to him. They were nothing short of polite when they spoke, but Kallus had caught them several times talking or laughing and then stopped short when they noticed him. There were a couple refugees that didn’t speak to him at all, but were not as stand-offish as Walla had been. Kallus was nice, but gave them space. He didn’t want to tread on them.

It was nice seeing Zeb interact with them all. Zeb was the kind of person who could eventually get along with just about everyone, so it was good seeing him in his element, joking around with them all. Kallus smiled, watching him, even as he worked to drill holes.

“Wha’s that?” A Lasat man said, coming up from behind him. Kallus near jumped out of his skin, but composed himself quickly.

“It’s a boring drill,” he said, “It creates even holes in the ground for the poles to get through.”

The Lasat made a derisive snort. “Can’ ya just shovel it out?”

“I could,” Kallus said, “This is just easier.” The Lasat snorted derisively again, “You know, technology isn’t just limited to droids and machines,” he said, “There was a time when people would have turned their noses up at a shovel, because why not just use your own hands. Before that, why bother building a house at all?”

He made his derisive noise again. “Reach a point ya don’t need goin forward anymore,” he said, which was such an alien concept to Kallus he had to take a moment to even compose his thoughts, “Makin’ an imperial base?”

“What?” Kallus asked, so completely thrown.

“The Old Cousins,” he repeated, “They were sayin’ that’s what you were doin.”

“Old…” He frowned, remembering the term ‘cousin’ being used once before, “The refugees?”

“Yeah,” he said. “So?”

Kallus sighed, “It is NOT an imperial base,” he said, “It is going to be a laboratory in order to pursue medical and astronomical research.”

He hummed. “To do what?”

Kallus stuttered, not sure what sort of reality he stepped into. “To…learn more about them?” he said, “I mean, with the storm system alone we may be able to track patterns better, predict the storms months in advance–”

“What’s the point?” he cut in.

“I don’t…” Kallus frowned at him, “The point? We would learn more about it.” The Lasat didn’t seem impressed, “We won’t know all the ramifications until we look at it better, but…at a guess, we could be able to prepare better. On Coruscant there are even weather protection fields that might help divert the lightning.”

“The lightning’s good,” The Lasat said, “Is the Ashla, protecting us from the nebula, which protects us from the Outer Planets.”

Kallus wasn’t really wanting to get into a religious debate, talking about ionization and natural phenomena. “Sure,” he said instead, “but it also burns down structures and causes jungle fires. So. Maybe if we had a way to divert them, it wouldn’t do that.”

The Lasat grunted, and Kallus wasn’t sure how much got through. “So it’s NOT an imperial base.”

“...No,” he said.

“Ya ain’t lyin are ya?” he said, “The Old Cousins said you were a liar.”

Kallus felt himself tensing. “I am NOT. I’m just trying to help the community, like everyone else. This is how I know to do it.”

The Lasat grunted again and then wandered off. Kallus wondered if he somehow imagined the conversation.

“Don’t mind Namarak,” a much more friendly voice said as Kallus went back to work, “Even the locals say he’s kinda an old fart.”

Kallus smiled up at Zeb as he brought him a bright citrusy drink that was incredibly refreshing. “Thank you, love,” he said, taking the drink, “I think I’m still trying to figure out what’s a culture shock and what’s…”

“Ass backwards ideals?” Zeb said, “Yeah, the other refugees and I have been tryin to figure it out too. Bein’ here’s put a lot of the old stories about Lira San into different light.”

“Really?” Kallus asked, “I’ve read some of the legends, mostly in regards to the gateway and some kind of…force convergence.”

Zeb nodded, “The old legend was that the Bogan, dark side of the force as Kanan and Ezra would say, was angry at the Lasat. He cursed the sun, shattering it into a ring of fire that would consume us if we didn’t flee.

Kallus cocked his head to the side. “A sun shattering could be a mythological way of describing the supernova that created the nebula,” he said, “Could it be possible the event your ancestors were fleeing was its creation?”

“That’s what Chava’s been theorizing too,” Zeb said, “Jedi always said SOMEthing had happened. It was generally assumed that it was describing us moving from one part of Lasan to another. Treasure hunters would go lookin’ for Lira San in the sea.” He smiled, lost in a memory. “Anyway, part of the story was that there was this hero who had word from the Ashla to guide people to safety.”

“The Golden Lasat?” Kallus asked.

“Nah,” Zeb said, “The Ashla showin’ up to tell people to do stuff is a common thing in the old stories. This one, far as historical texts can say, was a real guy. Zabarak Malorai. He supposedly lead most of the Lasat to freedom.” He took a deep breath and looked at the builders. “Some of the Lasat, though, refused to leave.”

“The ancestors of the people here,” Kallus said, looking around.

“Mmhmm,” Zeb said, “I’ve been gettin the impression from the refugees that live here that the locals tend to think the destruction of Lasan is proof that THEIR ancestors were right to stay.”

Kallus scowled. “Even with the ion displacement, a supernova must have caused a cataclysmic event. It’s lucky that some lived, but probably millions would have died if they stayed.” He took a deep breath, “I don’t suppose there’s extensive historical records to TELL us what happened here?”

“They write stuff down,” Zeb said, “I’m doubting it’s up to your imperial standards.” Kallus turned on him sharply, “It was a joke, darling.”

“Well I’m not laughing,” Kallus said, “Half the village still sees me as an imperial still. Even those who didn’t live on Lasan.” Zeb put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it in comfort. “I’m sorry…just…sensitive.”

“No,” Zeb said, “I’M sorry. Was a stupid thing to stay.” He kissed the side of Kallus’ head. “This is an adjustment for us both, promise. I look forward to helping you with the more mechanical stuff in your lab. Been gettin tired of all the wood and hammers, want some metal and grease.”

Kallus smiled, still feeling a little off, and kissed Zeb on the mouth. “Hey,” Zeb said, “You wanna go out tonight?”

Kallus tilted his head, “Out? Where?”

“Wotektek’s restaurant,” Zeb said, “You know, a proper date. When’s the last time we did that?”

Kallus went back through their history in his mind. Their first few awkward dates had been mostly learning how to be a parent together, with some talking and getting to know each other mixed in as a fun side benefit. Then, a lot of the time they would take turns going on missions, trying to ensure one of them was there for Lovi. Their ‘dates’ would be passes in the night, quick hookups and sweet words. And now that they lived together it usually meant just watching holos in their nest. “I don’t think we’ve ever done that.”

“So,” Zeb said, “Good time for it, huh?”

Kallus sighed. “I suppose I could ask I2 to watch him for a while this evening. He’s been coming up with lists for things to do with the laboratory.”

“Or we could just leave him with the caretakers, for a few more hours,” Zeb said.

Kallus frowned, “I don’t like deviating too much from Lovi’s assigned schedule. The routine sets good boundaries for him and it’s better than–”

“Fine,” Zeb cut him off, and his tone turned just a degree cooler, “I2 it is then.”

Kallus considered his husband, trying to read his face. Usually Zeb was something of an open book, even for a Lasat. “Have I said something off?”

Zeb smiled, warming again, “Not at all, love,” he said, and kissed the side of Kallus’ head, “Tonight? Wear something pretty?”

Kallus scoffed slightly in surprise. “Pretty?”

“Yeah,” Zeb said, giving him that smouldering smile that he KNEW made Kallus weak in the knees, “Wanna show off my hot alien husband.”

Despite having a child with the man, Kallus had never fully figured out what to do when Zeb was obviously flirting with him. His instincts were to doubt Zeb meant it and assume he was teasing him or something, but years had told him Zeb DID find him attractive and he wasn’t sure how to respond. “I’ll…see what I can do,” he said.

Zeb kissed him again before he went back to work.

Kallus caught a few of the builders finally looking at him, clearly having seen him kiss Zeb, and they looked like Kallus had stolen their lunch credits.

 

Kallus did not have much in his wardrobe that were civilian clothes. He cycled through a few outfits that were comfortable and nearly identical, and then just laundered them himself. Zeb did the same with his jumpsuits, so he thought it was fairly standard.

But…pretty. He didn’t have much of anything he would say was ‘pretty.’

His eye caught the green fabric that Varoshka had pushed on him weeks ago. He’d still been weirded out by it, especially after Walla’s reaction to him. Still, he could try it out.

It took a second to figure out what went where, but he was pretty sure he wore it as it was intended. It was a shirt and pants, but the shirt was two long strips of fabric that twisted at the waist into a belt, leaving a deep v on his chest and showed off his arms well. He was proud of the chest and the hair he’d been able to grow, and thought the outfit would do well to qualify as ‘pretty’ enough.

The pants oddly worried him more. A common thing between Shistavanen and Lasat fashion was not to wear anything below their digitigrade bend at the legs, which made sense. However, that was where Kallus’ knee cut off and it left his prosthetic leg in plain view.

On a day-to-day, he preferred having a leg that was clearly false, rather than one that seemed almost real but slightly off. However, wearing this outfit only made it that much clearer that he was…different. But Zeb had seen the leg plenty of times and wasn’t put off by it. So he didn’t have to worry about what anyone else thought. Besides, none of his other pants would go well with the shirt.

He told I2 about the plan for the evening just as Zeb came back in from working. “Ah, excellent,” I2 said, “If you wouldn’t mind giving me a sample once you’re done, I can get to work on synthesizing what we need easier.”

Zeb and Kallus exchanged a look. “Sample?” Zeb asked.

“Well I assume if you’re having a date night you’ll be having intercourse,” I2 said, and Kallus felt his face go bright red, “Kallus’ cycle is in a prime condition for harvesting eggs, I was going to ask in the next couple of days, but if you’re already doing things tonight, you may be able to procure some of Garazeb’s sample early.”

Zeb made a choking sound as he realized what I2 was talking about. “You mean…you want me to, uh…”

“Just use a condom,” he said, “and instead of throwing out the material, please transfer it into this test-tube,” he said, offering a vial. “It’s auto-refridgerating, so just get it to me whenever you can.”

Zeb’s mouth hung open as he tried desperately to process what I2 was asking of him. Kallus wanted nothing more than to leave this conversation anyway, and so grabbed Zeb’s hand to pull him into the welcomingly chill night air.

Chapter 6

Summary:

Kallus and Zeb go on a date, but encounter the wider Lasat population

Notes:

New Years Resolution is gonna be to finish my open fics. It may be slow, but it will happen.

“Are you here as Customers or Taste-testers?” The Juvenile Lasat girl asked.

Before Kallus could open his mouth, Zeb said, “Taste-testers, definitely.” Kallus gave him a side look but he shrugged as the girl guided them to their table. “It’s mostly going to be unfamiliar food anyway,” he said, “might as well be adventurous.”

Kallus sighed, “Sure, it’s all the same to me.”

It was not all the same to him once he realized that the ‘taste-tester’ section was in the center of the restaurant, no doubt to have people see all the experimental dishes that were being made. It unfortunately also put them at the center of attention for the Lasat there. Or rather, it put Kallus at the center.

“Is this how you always felt?” Kallus asked as they were seated and the girl walked away, “Always the odd one out?”

Zeb gave a half smirk. “Sometimes,” he said, “It wasn’t as bad, there were plenty ‘a non-humans in the rebellion. But every once in a while you got recruits from the core worlds who thought aliens were meant to be oggled at. But I just assumed they were admiring how handsome I was.”

Kallus smiled at him, reaching his hand out across the table, “I know I certainly was.”

Zeb took his hand, squeezing it. “They’ll get used to ya. Besides, they’re probably just admiring how absolutely delectable you look in that little outfit.”

Kallus blushed again. He was good at hiding a lot of his emotions, but embarrassment from flirting always caught him off guard. ”A nice thought,” he said, “But I highly doubt it.”

He swept his eyes over the crowd, catching every single pair of Lasats before they awkwardly turned away at being caught. Or, most of them. Some, especially the older Lasat, continued to blatantly stare at him.

“Hey,” Zeb said, squeezing his hand again, “Just look at me, ok? Don’t worry about them.”

Easier said than done, but for Zeb, Kallus would try anything. He smiled, “So,” he said, “If work on the laboratory continues on schedule, we should be at least minimally operational in a few short weeks.”

Zeb nodded, “I’m trying to persuade a few more people to help on the construction crew. Should make the work go faster.”

“It wasn’t the whole construction crew?” Kallus asked tilting his head.

And it was an innocent question, Kallus certainly didn’t mean anything by it, but he’d made a study of tracking what each of Zeb’s little ear flicks meant. And this one meant he’d been caught in something. “I…well,” he said, “It’s just. I mean, because it’s not a job like in the outer planets, people can pick and choose what jobs they want. Or can do. Sometimes people aren’t available or…there are a lot of reasons…”

“Hello gentlemen,” the girl said, coming back with two large plates, “Today we have a grilled koranthian spider crab. Chef’s been experimenting with spices, he hopes you two will like it.”

“Thank you, it looks delightful,” Kallus said, smiling at her. Zeb’s ears went back seeing all the legs on his dinner, but the girl thankfully didn’t notice. “Here, let me,” Kallus said, taking Zeb’s dish to his side of the table and slicing the legs off to leave Zeb with the center meat. To make up for it, he cut his own meat in half and portioned that onto Zeb’s plate. “So,” he said, handing Zeb’s plate back to him, “They don’t want to work with me.”

Zeb’s ears flicked again. Spot on. “Just some of ‘em,” Zeb said, “Refugees mostly. It’s….complicated.”

“Zeb,” Kallus said, “I do understand why refugees ESPECIALLY would not want to talk to me or be around me. I’m not hurt.” He took bites from his dinner. “I know we just moved but…would it be easier if we maybe lived in an area with less refugees? Just so I don’t bother them. It’s a sparse planet; we don't ever have to run into them.”

Zeb sighed, looking put upon. “Did I ever tell you about the first few days when we arrived here?” he said, “With the spectres in the Ghost up above, just me, Chava, and Gron who went down?”

Kallus went over his memories. “No, I suppose not.” He knew that he’d been involved, chasing them through the storm, then abandoning the chase when he assumed they must have been dead. But as they always did, the rebels popped up again.

Zeb’s eyes darted about the restaurant, and kept his voice low. “It might not have been as peaceful as I made it out, at first,” he said. Off Kallus look, he quickly added, “There was no violence or anything. It was more…no one wanted to talk to us for a long while. Just send us back to where we came from, though we were sure there were some people floating the idea of destroying our ship so the route here would stay hidden, but they’re still far too pacifist here to seriously consider it.” He sighed. “Kozyll finally agreed to talk with Chava and shared our story. What had happened to Lasan. And we set up this town to take in Chava and Gron, and any other refugees I could find.”

Kallus nodded, reading into the words Zeb didn’t say. “But…the rest of the planet–”

“Essentially considers us to be as alien as you are,” Zeb said, “There is a point to be had. There’s thousands of years of difference between us. And they were only safe from the war here because no one knew they were there.” He sighed, “So. Like you said, the planet’s sparse enough that with refugees living here, there won’t be a problem with us all here.”

“Just a problem with me here,” Kallus said, feeling uncomfortable again.

Zeb frowned, “They’ll get used to you.”

“So you say,” Kallus said, “But what if they don’t, Zeb? And besides, why should they? They’re finally safe here, on a planet of their own kind, they don’t need reminders of the Empire.”

“The Empire’s gone,” Zeb said, “And you ain’t been a part of it for a long time besides.”

“I don’t think the length of time matters much.”

Zeb huffed, “So, what’dya want?” he said, “You want to go off and live in the middle of nowhere?”

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Kallus said, even if he’d thought it, “It’s not fair to you and Lovi. I…I don’t know what I’m saying…” He dug into his meal more.

Zeb’s eyes followed him, slowly eating a couple bites. “Once they get to know you, they’ll understand,” he said, “You can charm them.”

Kallus raised an eyebrow at them. “CHARM them?” he asked, “Have you met me?”

“You charmed me,” Zeb said, trying to sound flirty again, but Kallus wasn’t buying it this time.

Kallus gave him a flat look, “We had a child we were raising together.”

“There was before that too,” Zeb said, “I mean, we did have to MAKE the child.”

“Zeb we were stranded and thought we were going to die,” Kallus said, “Not to mention I was, you know…”

Zeb frowned at him, “Know what?”

“Ovulating, apparently,” Kallus said, “So I was more…I dunno, pushy.”

Zeb’s frown deepened. “Did you think you pushed yourself on me?”

“No,” Kallus sighed, exasperated, “But I did initiate. Would you have if I hadn’t?”

“I mean, I dunno,” Zeb said, “It was seven years ago now.”

“I don’t think you would have,” Kallus said, moving around some of the food on his plate. He was suddenly not very hungry. “I mean, knowing what I know now, it’s crazy you did.”

“Crazy?” Zeb repeated, and Kallus didn’t need to read his ears to tell he was getting upset, “Getting together with you is ‘crazy?’”

“At the time, yes,” Kallus said, trying to argue, “I’m not going to say it didn’t work out for the better. CERTAINLY for me, it did. But come on, Zeb, I was an imperial at the time. Even you aren’t going to sit here and argue that I was a good person THEN. I know we both thought we were going to die, but still–”

“I didn’t think we were gonna die,” Zeb said, still frowning.

Kallus tilted his head at him. “Really? Alone with an imperial agent on an ice planet with no way to know if anyone was coming for us?”

“I knew the Ghost was comin’ for me,” he said, “And if it was the Empire that got us first…well, I’ve gotten outta worse scraps.”

Kallus NEARLY opened his mouth to ask ‘like what’ before remembering Zeb had somehow survived Lasan. He never really talked about that, and Kallus didn’t press for obvious reasons. “Then why the hell did you kriff me?” he asked instead.

Zeb shrugged, “Felt right,” he said, “I dunno, can’t explain it. When you kissed me it just…seemed like the right thing to do.”

Kallus considered him as he took another bite of his dish. “Maybe you were ovulating too.”

“Would you quit it?” Zeb said, “You’re talking about it like…like it was a mistake or something.”

“Oh it was DEFINITELY a mistake,” Kallus said without thinking. Zeb looked like he’d been shot. “A very, very HAPPY mistake that changed my life forever. I don’t regret it, even the smallest amount if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“No, I know,” Zeb said through his teeth.

“What would you call it, then?” Kallus asked.

“I dunno!” he responded, voice rising slightly, “Fate? The will of the Ashla? I dunno. Something.”

Kallus went quiet, as did Zeb. Zeb often said he wasn’t that spiritual, certainly not like Chava. They didn’t exactly have a traditional Lasan wedding, just a rushed ceremony with their friends. “I’m sorry,” Kallus said, bridging the gap that had grown between them, “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“Ain’t offended,” Zeb said, “I just…” he sighed, looking for words. “Would you…would we be together? If we didn’t have Lovi?”

Kallus was struck by the words, not sure what to do with them. “I…” he said, “I don’t…know,” he swallowed and put his utensils down. “Before I knew that I…After what you said, I started asking my questions anyway.” He took a deep breath, trying to put himself back in that mindset, a hardened imperial learning the truth of what he’d wrought. “I’d like to think…I’d like to think I’d have still defected. Became Fulcrum and fed information to the rebellion.” He wouldn’t have stayed with the Empire, surely, but whether he’d actually defect or if he would just…leave, in whatever manner seemed appropriate, he wasn’t sure. “As far as us…would you have wanted me? If it weren’t for the fact I carried your child?”

Zeb took a deep breath, “Yeah,” he said, “I think I would have. Would you?”

“Zeb, I was half in love with you the moment you handed me the meteorite,” Kallus said, “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I definitely didn’t REALIZE that was how I felt. In the moment I just felt confused as to why you hadn’t stabbed me in the heart.”

“Then…it is like fate, innit?” Zeb said.

Kallus shrugged. “I’m not much of a believer. You know that. Why is it important that it’s fate?”

Zeb gave a half shrug, “I dunno,” he said, “Feels…important. Feels right.” He cut into his meal quietly, “Why DON’T you like the idea of it being fate?”

Kallus winced, cutting his own food as he tried to think it through. “I don’t…I don’t like the idea of being out of control. That I’m not in control of my own actions. Even if my past actions were…unquestionably awful, I still claim them as my own choices.”

“But the idea of your ovulation pushing you into a relationship…is better?”

Kallus tensed at the word. He’d used the same one, but Zeb using it made him feel weird. “No, it certainly doesn’t,” he said, “I HATE my body being out of my control, being…this weird hormonal….THING.” He felt his eyes get oddly hot out of nowhere and had no idea why. He blinked hard and focused on his food just to try and get his emotions under control.

Zeb reached his hand out to Kallus’ forearm, and Kallus instinctually flicked his arm free. If he accepted the comfort he was sure he would collapse that much easier. “Hey, what’s going on?” Zeb said, “I thought we were just talking.”

“I don’t KNOW,” Kallus said, taking deep breaths to get himself under control. He felt like everyone in the restaurant was staring at him.

“Do you want to leave?” Zeb asked.

“If people see we left midway through the meal they’ll speculate why,” Kallus said.

“They’ll speculate anyway,” Zeb said, “If you need–”

“I just need to get myself under control,” Kallus said, feeling like he was going to vibrate out of his skin. He focused on eating his meal. Cut. Stab. Insert. Chew. Swallow. Repeat.

He knew that not everyone was actually staring at him (though he suspected many still were) but he FELT Zeb staring at him. Like he was a bomb about to go off. “I’m fine,” Kallus shot at him.

“Ok…” Zeb said, clearly not believing him.

Kallus took another cleansing breath, desperately trying to get his heartbeat under control. “You know I transitioned when I joined the Empire,” Kallus said. Zeb nodded. “It was easier, they could provide me with the proper medication, easy and painless surgery, and I could just be…a new person.” He took another breath, that time used to be the happiest time of his life, now horribly marred by all the terrible things he’d done. “I…some of the medication wasn’t solely for transitioning. Well….kind of.” He didn’t know how to describe it, “I have a genetic condition, my mother almost certainly had it though she couldn’t afford to be diagnosed. Essentially my hormones don’t regulate properly. One of the side benefits of transitioning was that the medication regulated the hormones for me.”

“And…you’re not on your meds now.” Zeb finished for him. Kallus nodded. “Karabast…This whole process is the Space Slug that keeps growing.”

Kallus dropped his head, feeling an overwhelming surge of failure wash over him. “I just…” he said, “I want it to happen, for us. I can handle this, I just…have to control myself.”

Zeb sighed and Kallus felt the rush of shame come on anew. “Waiter,” he called over. Kallus looked up hesitant, shocked by the lights above him. The young girl came over. “This is delicious, but I am absolutely stuffed,” he said slightly louder than was probably needed, “You have any receptacles for us to take home with us to have later?”

The girl nodded and rushed off to retrieve them. “You don’t have to do that,” Kallus said.

“Ain’t for you,” he obviously lied, “Those legs on the spiders are creepin’ me the hell out, I gotta get out of here.”

 

They walked home in silence, Zeb holding the bag of food. Kallus felt some relief being out of the vision of other Lasat, but he didn’t truly relax until they reached home.

I2-1B1 was in his charging port downstairs, no doubt Lovi fast asleep above them. Zeb put the food in storage, while Kallus went directly upstairs to his room.

Zeb wasn’t far behind him, and the moment he crossed the threshold, Kallus grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a kiss.

Zeb happily kissed him back, comforting and warm, but Kallus pushed past that to heat the kiss, rubbing his hand over Zeb’s chest, letting his fingers thread through the fur on his neck.

Instead of pushing into the silent lovemaking Kallus had been trying for, Zeb pulled back, looking down at him. “Are you sure?”

Kallus sighed, “You heard I2 earlier, it’s a good time to get a sample,” And that was exactly the WRONG thing to say, he realized, as Zeb stepped out of his hold entirely.

“Really?” Zeb said, face contorted almost to a snarl, but Kallus knew he was just distressed, “A Sample? THAT’S what you want.”

Kallus swallowed, feeling put on the spot suddenly. Later he would see he should have just apologized and gone to bed, but in the moment all he could think to do was double down. “Well we need it!” Kallus said, “I want this whole process over just as much as you do, so this is how we do it.”

Zeb turned away from him, like he couldn’t bear to even LOOK at Kallus another second. “I ain’t your damn MEDICAL EXPERIMENT,” he said, lowering his voice for the sake of Lovi in the next room, but Kallus could feel it like he’d yelled, “I’m your kriffing husband.”

“Well, NOT kriffing husband right now,” Kallus said.

At least it got Zeb to look at him, though the combination of horror and disgust on his face made Kallus wish he hadn’t. “Is this a joke to you?”

“Obviously not,” Kallus said, “I’m just being PRACTICAL.”

“Our sex life is not about being practical,” Zeb said, “I don’t wanna kriff you if all you’re after is some…order from I2.”

“That’s NOT all I’m after,” Kallus said, “I’m just…tired and upset and I HATE this!”

“Then we’ll have sex some other time,” Zeb said.

Kallus shook, fear taking over his anger, “Fine,” he said sharply, getting ready for bed, “Tomorrow then.”

“Maybe,” Zeb corrected.

“The ovulation window doesn’t stay open that long!” Kallus shot at him, “We have to do it sometime.”

“I’ll handle the…” Zeb sighed, “I’ll get it to I2, alright?”

Kallus huffed, getting his sleep clothes on. “Because you’d rather have your hand than your husband.” He said it sarcastically, but it tasted like truth.

“Because I don’t want my HUSBAND forcing himself to have sex with me when he’s clearly not actually feeling up to it,” Zeb said, effectively silencing Kallus’ objections. “Because I want you to have sex with me because you LOVE me.”

“I DO love you,” Kallus said.

“Then let me help you,” Zeb said, “I see you struggling and I…I know I can’t understand,” his ears drooped, “But I want to help.”

Kallus pursed his mouth shut. He could see Zeb upset, but Zeb couldn’t help him. Kallus had to deal with this himself. “You could kriff me with a condom on,” was all Kallus said.

Zeb watched him, but Kallus refused to meet his eyes, knowing if he looked it would break him.

Zeb sighed, grabbing his own night clothes and heading for the door. “I’m gonna sleep in the nest,” he said.

“Fine,” Kallus said back, fighting for his life to keep his voice steady. Zeb lingered at the door for a moment longer, before it closed and left Kallus alone.

Kallus exhaled like he had been strangled ever since they got to the restaurant, and only now got air. Unfortunately with the air came the pressing loneliness that wore on him.

He hugged himself tight, trying to provide the pressure and warmth that Zeb had left in his absence, but it couldn’t possibly measure up.

The tears finally spilled out of his eyes, hot and burning even as he shut them, like he could force them back.

Notes:

Imagine Jasmine and Aladdin on the magic carpet except its me flying on the seat of my pants. I have general ideas of where this will go, but I don't have it all written like I did with Light in the Darkness.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of Light In The Darkness